Curses...foiled again...

[Molly Wells]

My wife and I both have jobs that allow us some flexibility in our schedules and also the ability to work from home if needed. So the other day we went on an overnight trip for some family business. We left early the next morning to return home by about noon. As we are enroute she begins talking about how much work she needed to get done for her office and was planning to spend the afternoon on it.
I was free the rest of the day and thought "Molly time!" ( we are DADT) As we get closer to home I asked if she was going to her office to work and she said the she had decided to work from home.
I told her, OK, I'll take care of dinner so you can get your work done (yes, I was sincere).
Inside it was like Dang it!... Curses foiled again!

Molly

[Jamie Lynn]

Ah yes..........many of times. But husbands first. Right?! ;)

[deebra]

Non CDers don't have this problem.

[Krisi]

In many ways it's sad when we hope the one we love will go away so we can partake in our "little hobby", but I understand where you're coming from. Is there any way that you and your fife can move past this DADT thing? Maybe if you dress casually? Flats and little makeup?

[Fiona123]

Molly: I know the feeling very well. It's sad that we are in a position that we hope that our spouse is away for the day.

[NancySue]

Deebra....CDers with a supportive, helpful wife do not have this problem, either. 💁 👠💄👗
Molly...hope she enjoyed dinner.

[Beverley Sims]

One day the situation may change, good luck with it.

[Tracy Irving]

I hope you had a great dinner and get to dress soon.

[docrobbysherry]

My definition of DADT is obviously different than yours, Molly. I tell my adult daughter when and where I'm going to dress in our house in advance. She can avoid that area or go out, her choice.

Your DADT sounds more like, SABHB: "Sneak around behind her back".

[Judith96a]

Shades of Wile E. Coyote or Sylvester, Molly. Next time tell her that it would be much more convenient if she could work from the office. And when she asks why just say, "Never mind that. Let's just say that I'll be in a really good mood and dinner will be extra special as a result" :o

[audreyinalbany]

I agree with Krisi (post #4) that it's sad when we look forward to our spouses leaving the house so we'll have the opportunity to dress.

[Leslie Langford]

My definition of DADT is obviously different than yours, Molly. I tell my adult daughter when and where I'm going to dress in our house in advance. She can avoid that area or go out, her choice.

Your DADT sounds more like, SABHB: "Sneak around behind her back".

Point taken, sherry, that as per your definition, the term "DADT" probably is just a pathetically sad euphemism for what you more realistically describe as "SABHB".

That said, I do see a whole lot of "telling" going on here in the "T" part of your version of DADT when nobody is actually doing any asking, either. Maybe more like MHMRSIUCC ("My House, My Rules - Suck it up, Cupcake"), No? ;)

[Lana Mae]

Best wishes for some Molly time! Hope the dinner was great! Hugs Lana Mae

[Molly Wells]

For the record...
I told my wife about my dressing before we were married. She tolerated me to occasionally dress around the house. After the kids came along that was no longer OK. As time went by I kept it to myself to occasionally indulge without involving her. About 10 years ago we were invited to a Halloween party. I suggested we could go as a couple, with me being in femme. The idea was received very negatively and the following discussion went no where as well. She was appalled that I would make the suggestion and she was no longer "that foolish little girl" that put up with it years ago.
So, yes, I keep it in the closet and I guess that means that I "sneak around behind her back." It is what it is. If it ever comes up again I'll deal with it then. In the meantime, I know it won't go away so I deal with it as best I can.
I'm glad you can have it your way Doc, but I just don't think that is the way I want to handle it.
Thanks for the feedback.
Molly

[GretchenM]

Molly: I am all too familiar with that situation. My wife travels quite often, but I enjoy being a homebody. Sometimes she is off on an adventure for days or weeks. I fit my gender expression times into those times. When she is here, I do lots of more feminine things but without the gender expression. We are also DADT and I hope someday she will be willing to see me as Gretchen, but it is fine if not. To me, being gender fluid, the dressing is just icing on the cake. Embracing the feminine, for me, is a behavior I prefer as I am not very enthralled with masculinity, especially these days. I love the dressing, but taking a feminine approach to life is more important. I do most of the cooking in our home as well as many other "house wifey" things. Hope you fixed her a nice dinner. I think doing things like that for your mate helps keep things flowing more smoothly and may be an important part of encouraging a wife that is not as tolerant of our traits as we would like to move toward more acceptance. To me, successful marriage is all about compromises that recognizes the needs of both to the extent possible.

Gretchen

- - - Updated - - -

Hi all,
Oops, I apparently posted wrong and my post ended up at the head of the line. It was my first post. Dang, guess I better learn the way to reply before replying. So sorry. My bad. Can those things be moved?

Gretchen

[Lacey New]

I'm still in the closet and I wait for those moments when I can count on her to be away so I can play. And, yes, I have been disappointed many times by a change of plans. Oh well! Hope you get another moment soon

[ChristinaK]

Molly, I feel your pain.

DADT can be many different flavors. I'm my case, my wife knows where Christina's clothes and makeup are. But, I have to keep girly things out of sight.

Some women cannot be open minded enough to have a modicum of understanding. For some, it leads to divorce. In my case, I cannot bring the subject up without extreme hostility from my wife. But, she tolerates what I do when I'm by myself. It's certainly not what I want, but it's better than a divorce.

She has spoken to a counselor and she was told she is entitled to her thoughts and opinions on the subject.

So, DADT doesn't necessarily mean sneaking around, but dressing privately to avoid conflict. Seems reasonable to me.

[Jenny22]

Welcome to this wonderful forum, Gretchen. You'll love interacting with all of the fantastic ladies here! I'm glad you posted your state. Others may wish to contact you! Enjoy!

[DIANEF]

Plans gone belly-up, story of my life!!

[Judy-Somthing]

Funny how things don't always work out!

My SO doesn't know the extent of my dressing, she thinks it's just something I did fooling around with friends while in my teens.

Well I haven't been able to sleep while dressed in a night gown in thirty years.

And this past summer my SO planned on going away on a trip with our daughter for three days.

I bought two nice nightgowns and was looking forward to sleeping in them.

Well my daughter couldn't make the trip so I had to go, needless to say I couldn't bring my nightgowns!

[Judith96a]

Maybe more like MHMRSIUCC ("My House, My Rules - Suck it up, Cupcake"), No? ;)

That is priceless Leslie! I love it!

[Contessa]

I've always wondered why it wouldn't be okay to wear clothing suitable to an androgynous look. Woman's jeans that fit and a blouse or T shirt. Why would this hurt. Emphasis on androgynous. How can DADT work if you already know? This is the reason I couldn't be just a sometime CD. I couldn't have two different personalities. I'm not acting and I don't mean that those hear are.

Leslie
I don't know if you can use those words sometimes they aren't true. lol

[Acastina]

I'm in Contessa's camp on this one. My neutral (i.e., not being in a DADT situation and only able to wonder how I'd deal with it) take is that, just as it's easy for a married CD to be selfish in choosing when, where, and how to express something all of us here know cannot simply be stifled indefinitely without collateral damage, it can also be selfish for the wife to demand and enforce DADT without accommodating that need in some way. That "some way" could mean, as Contessa suggests, an everyday androgynous look when feasible, or it may mean her overtly giving you time on your own, whether that's a visit out of town, an afternoon shopping with a set return time, working at the office instead of home, or whatever works in your situation.

IMHO, a spouse who simply refuses any accommodation is hurting the CD spouse needlessly. They need to know the clinical experience that this is usually a lifelong condition that will never completely vanish, but which many healthy marriages have learned to deal with. No one's going to drink or drug or deny or distract or pray it away without damage. With young children in the household, obviously there are more than two considerations, but roughly 70 percent of CD.com members who stated an age four years ago were 50 or older.

Hiding and sneaking around are not healthy behaviors, nor the kind that sustain modern marriages. You who are in DADT or worse situations have my respect and empathy. It must be hard. Good luck to you.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Molly:hugs:, We just have to keep our priorities order, Happy Wife - Happy Life...:daydreaming:...

[IleneD]

Acastina,

You have the wisdom of Athena. This is the kind of mature experience that keeps me attending.
I wish there was a way for us to bookmark and save individual posts like yours'. It makes good reference points for my own developing and changed (since coming out) relationship.
Thank you.