Purge

[Annemarie Dutch]

Anyway, this year I started out wearing some girl stuff in long times (13 years). First a bra, garter belt & stockings and lace panties. All underdressing under my business suit.

It felt so right that my wardrobe grew quite quick with new panties, stockings, thong body, leather look leggings and a pair of high heeled boots.
Even tried mascara and nail polish on finger nails in boy mode (underdressed) to a restaurant.

But I became frightened my SO would find out, so I purged everything. Now I have nothing at all (sad...)
All I have is a pair of skinny jeans that are in fact female, (also have a mens version) and mens thongs that I wear for more than 15 years.
And I still have and wear a pair of fitness leggings (female) that I wear regular to the gym.

Things have to become more clear in my mind and in in my relationship before I can purchase again.
Can't wait!!

[Lana Mae]

Bag it or box it and put in storage. DO NOT PURGE!!! The desire will return and you will have wasted all that money and all those clothes! Sounds like you need to get your head on straight first before you seek a relationship. Forgive yourself and realize this is part of who you are! Then let the partner know so they can wrap their head around it to some degree. Best wishes moving forward! Hugs Lana Mae

[Amy Fakley]

Yeah, have been there.

Everyone always says "don't purge", but honestly I think I had to go through that once or twice to really wrap my head around it. I had to really know that this was something I couldn't shake, no matter what I tried. And to know that, I really had to try it all (and girl, I sure did try every conceivable way to shake it).

I guess what I'm saying is don't beat yourself up over it. It's something nearly all of is go through. Maybe the better advice is don't spend too much money in the beginning because sooner or later you'll feel like you just have to throw it all away ... and you probably will ... and you'll probably regret it ... but not as much if you didn't spend a ton to start with

:rofl:

Welcome to the board, by the way :-)

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Bag it or box it and put in storage. DO NOT PURGE!!!

Respectfully, I disagree. Purging is about stress avoidance. Stress is caused by many things, but fear, guilt, shame, whatever the cause, stress does nobody any good.

Yes purging might be regretted later, but reducing stress is never a bad thing. Clothes can always be replaced. So can the human heart, but it isn't a waiting list I'd like to be on.

[CynthiaD]

Yes, I went through a "sexy male underwear" phase before I finally accepted myself. But it just wasn't enough. I thought it would be, but it wasn't.

I've purged a few times too, but one day I said to myself "These are my clothes! They're mine and I'm not going to throw them away!" Things got a little scary after that, but it worked out ok.

[pinkcapri]

I purged few times, regretted later, spent more money to build up again, finally after I got married, within the first few months I disclosed about wearing bra and panties under my male dressing and she accepted, after that never worn a male boxer, always panties and bra / camies outside of work, never had to purge again, we go shopping bra and panties together.

[RADER]

PURGE; Is a bad word here, Storage is the way to go.
Rader

[Stephanie Julianna]

I agree with other post: Storage not Purging is best.

[Krisi]

Having "SO" who doesn't know and having feminine things like bras, breast forms, wigs, etc. is pretty hard to manage, especially if the SO lives with you or stays with you from time to time. Some of us can come up with decent hiding places, others cannot. If you have just a few things, getting rid of them may be less expensive than a storage locker and what if the SO finds out about the storage locker?

If you have hundreds of dollars worth of stuff, a storage locker makes more sense.

Best plan, of course, is to find a way to tell the SO about your hobby.

[Tracy Irving]

I have downsized my wardrobe but never had the desire or need to purge.

That being said, there are some really great posts on this thread. I especially appreciate the comments from Amy Fakley and Nikkilovesdresses. They opened my eyes to a whole new way of thinking about this topic. Thanks.

[Julie MA]

I to began with lots of skimpy men's thongs and undies. Wife knew about them but made it clear she wasn't interested in them or the look. So you can see why I am reluctant to tell her I CD. I threw out most of the men's wear and have been building my ladies collection. Just not ready to share thise facts with her.

As for storage, we have a BIG basement. One of my fears is a repairman coming across them. Or dying and having the next owners find them.

[Beverley Sims]

The message is there....

Store, don't purge.

Costs too much and you never replace those favourite things that you score over the years.

If you die and the house is sold, maybe another CD'er will find it. :-)

[Lacey New]

My SO does not know and as a result, I have purged a number of times. Several times, i came to realize that had I been a little patient and less paranoid, I could have saved some nice things and a lot of money. So, for my two cents, avoid the purge if you can because the urge to dress will definitely come back.

[MissTee]

Sounds all to familiar, and you are certainly not alone in your situation. If I try to shut down my dressing needs, it only serves to build up the desire until finally overtakes me. Learn to accept yourself and your need, and good luck gaining acceptance of others. Lots of good info and advice here on how to do that.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Annemarie:hugs:, The Rules For Purging.

Rule No. 1, Never ever purge !!!

Rule No. 2, If you really feel the need to purge, See RULE No. 1. AGAIN ...:daydreaming:...

[Lily Catherine]

I beg to differ, but I think it might well be an attitude difference here.

I've survived a couple of partial purges (ALL my fem jeans and some t-shirts are now drawn from my male wardrobe), and am less than comfortable hiding anymore (although I do not think my choice of clothing and desire to present as a woman is anything worth flaunting either). When you throw away those clothes, you throw away the stress and potentially guilt tied inextricably to what they stand for.

My last disposal of fem clothing while moving and wanting to cover my tracks reminded me not to be excessively frivolous with my clothing. When I reconstructed my wardrobe after I took a more practical approach instead, rather than making whim purchases at budget boutiques - I nearly made a blind buy of a cute white cocktail dress I was eyeing for a while, but had absolutely no occasion for and would be impossible to hide due to the full skirt.

I am with Krisi in that it is in your best interests to let your SO know; come what may, at least they know regardless of how they react.

I still have concerns should I die alone with all the baggage arising out of this habit, but that's for another day and another thread.

[katie_barns]

I could cry at the beautiful things I have lost due to purges. It took me a few times to realize this. I agree with one of the others post that purging is about stress relief.
But for heavens sake find a different stress reliever. If nothing else find another CD in your area that will store things until your ready.
My solution was a consignment store where I got to know the owner. Very TG friendly. I am very good customer and have been there dressed and in drab. Last time I felt the urge to purge. (years ago) she held my things until I came to pick them up or tell her to sell them.
Purging is only a temporary relief and followed by lots of regrets

[Annemarie Dutch]

Thanks for your replies.
I am seeing a therapist, my wife will see the same.
Finding out who I am, what my identity really is, and trying to understand where the urge comes from (if CD-needs can be explained or understood at all ;-)

Tonight my wife went to bed early but left her legging on the floor when she left upstairs. I told her she left it and she came back to pick it up saying that nothing is "safe around me" at this moment and she takes it upstairs to prevent me from wearing it, winking her eye and smiling at me.
That was fun, both laughing about it!

Don't know where we are going with this all, but her relaxed and funny reaction gives a little spark of hope to me.