How do you see your self

[Rosemary+]

Hello ladies,
Recently while reminiscing about my life (and what a wonderful life it has been!)

I realised that during the different stages of life, I always identified with females. I never saw woman as sexual objects. I always looked at females and thought to myself I wonder if I would wear that dress with those shoes and handbag or would that hairstyle suit me etc..

I then thought about it a bit more, and it wasn't so much, about if I could wear that dress as a crossdresser. It was more about me identifying as being that girl/woman.
The women I am attracted to wear the type of fashions and have the same hairstyles that I like.

The question I'm asking Is ,
1. does anyone else on the forum think like this?

2. When woman catch's your eye do you think to yourself that is how I'd like to look if I was born a girl?

3. Have you had theses thoughts all through your life?

Thanks Rosie

[redtea]

1- sort of

2- all the time, It is the inspiration for some of my purchases due to the sexual nature of my CDing. By wearing a part of their outfit I feel partially connected to them even though it isn't their exact pair of pants/panties/shirt. I haven't had the fortune of seeing a pair of panties on a girl in real life to set out on a mission to find said panties yet though.

3- well im still young so i will see

I see myself as a total weirdo with high anxiety, I tend to think of the femme side as the other side of the same coin, Helps me sleep at night. =)

[Julie MA]

Rosie,

Hello, hmmm...
1. I am attracted to a wide range of women and for reasons that vary all the time. It's seldom about their actual clothes but more about how it fits them or what it reveals about their personality or what vibe they may be trying to send.
2. No. I really don't want, never did want, to BE a girl. I just like their clothes and how it makes me feel more feminine and relaxed, and excited sexually, when I wear them. The clothes have to do it for me, on me.
3. Thoughts evolving through life. Better and more accepted, at least by me, and healthy as time goes by.
Julie

[Karine]

Hi,

1/ I'm 100% agree with Julie. It is exactly what I feel.
2/ Nope, I never wanted to be a girl, just having fun crossdressing sometimes.
3/ Will see, I'm only 33 and don't think the same way and been attracted by the same girls that when I was a teenager or in my early 20's.

Karine.

[GretchenM]

Rosie,

1. I experience what you are describing most of the time. I have few male friends. My best friends are all women and there is no sexual element in it all. It is a real friendship that operates, to some degree, like a friendship between two women. They don't think of me as a woman but because I relate to them as a woman would, there is an openness and trust that is not usual in male/female friendships.

2. As I am out and about and see different women, especially women that are more or less my age, I look at them closely. Not so close that I make them nervous, but close enough to see how they behave and look. I am a knitter and I frequent Jo Ann Fabrics and Michael's and find they are great places to see women in a more feminine environment. We have conversations about this or that and rarely is there anything other than trust in our discussion. I not only like to dress femme, but even more importantly I like to incorporate some of the more compassionate and sympathetic behaviors common with women into my total personality and thus make the masculine more gentle. I suspect most accept me as a man, but a man with more feminine feelings and perspectives.

3. No, I haven't been that way all my life although at about age 8 there was nothing I wanted to be more than being a girl. That was over 60 years ago and at a time when such thoughts struck terror in the hearts of parents. But over time I realized I would never be a girl and what I wanted was the whole thing and not some close simulation. Thus I rejected transitioning for me and took a path of blending masculine and feminine - six cups of mild masculine plus about a cup or so of feminine sensitivity and a cup and a half of feminine emotionality. Dressing, which is largely private and not all that frequent, serves to tie it all together and allows me to integrate things better. I do intend to take the dressing a bit more public, but for me, being at least partly a real woman in terms of emotion has to precede the dressing otherwise the dressing is uncomfortable if I am in male mode. I guess what I am shooting for is some kind of androgyny that allows both masculine and feminine to exist together and complement each other. That is all about behavior; dressing as a woman or a little bit androgynously for me is an expression of the blending. By dressing androgynous I mean wearing more unisex women's tops with an otherwise masculine attire. For me, I use color a lot to express the feminine side - purple, pink, lavender, bright reds, etc. Makes me feel good and others seem to accept it and recognize what the statement is. I suspect some who see it also suspect that I go a lot further in the dressing than what they see. I also carry my things in a Swiss Army shoulder bag that is slightly like a purse and I have a women's wallet in there that has a Western/Native American color pattern. Blend, blend, blend. One of my aunts calls it my purse, but it derogatory for her. I smile and say, "Well I like it and women's wallets make so much more practical sense than men's. And I can carry so many more things in a bag than in my pockets." She laughs.

Gretchen

[Teresa]

Rosemary,
Just call the stages of crossdressing, eventually you find yourself and develop your own style.

We may wish we could look like certain women but then women are continually bombarded with that, there's a huge diference beween the glossy magazine and the realities of life, far more women feel bad about themselves than men.

One thing I didn't expect now I'm out to more people and have shown my pictures is the number of women would give anything for my legs, how's that for a reversal of envy ?

[ReallyLauren]

Hi,

1. That is certainly me. I have never been one to make disparaging remarks about females or objectify them. My thinking is more that a woman is attractive or stylish and I frequently make mental notes about what women are wearing, hairstyles and how they are put together in general.

2. Frequently I have looked at someone and thought to myself "I'm that girl" (i.e. Overall appearance and perceived vibe that they give off). This includes the thought that I would swap bodies with them in a second.

3. I haven't had these thoughts all my life. In reality they started and got more intense as I got older. I think that this relates to a greater understanding and acceptance of myself as transgender.

Lauren

[Ally 2112]

My friends that are GG's have always told me that i seem to understand them and they can talk to me about anything so yes i do identify with females
I have been back and forth over the am i a girl or not thing for years .Right now im a cder and will probally just stay with that
I have been doing this for about 40 years so yea it has been with me most of my life and most likely not going away

[Nikki A.]

A probing question that's for sure.
1 I seem to have an empathy with women and they seem to be comfortable with me also. I sometimes go out with a GG friend and she's told me that she sometimes forgets that I'm not a woman(although not a good looking woman lol). I've had another friend who I confided in who told me she always though I had a feminine (although not gay aura) and was not surprised. There are women I see as sexual and there are others I see as friends and wish I could emulate.
2 Both ways on this although more often than not I do wonder if I could pull off her look if I am attracted. There are other women that I know I could never come close to emulating and I just admire them for looking so good.
3 I have had these feelings all my life although I just didn't know how to handle these feelings. If I was a young person today, with all the tech and information available. I'm not so sure if my life would be the same at all. I may have considered transitioning, but now I'm too far along the path and I'll probably just stay a part time woman/lady. I hate the word girl (or gurl) at my age it is demeaning, I try to dress and act as a mature, stylish woman and expect to be treated as such. If you want to dress like a teenager or sexy that is OK too, not knocking it. Then you may be happy being a girl, whatever floats your boat.

[KimberlyJean]

1. I have always identified with the women and have found myself at more than one get together talking to the girls.

2. I used to feel that way but since I have accepted myself and started dressing the way I want too I am doing what other women do and getting ideas or critiquing. There was this girl in the airport in Amsterdam who was beautiful but she had her skinny jeans tucked into her booties and they were bunching up. I just wanted to go over and tell her to roll them which is the trend now.

3. Yes I have grown and changed but I have been this way my whole life.

[Acastina]

I think you're asking the ageless question of lust vs. envy. Do I see this attractive woman as a sexual object that arouses me and makes me (however subtly and deep in layers of decorum and good behavior) want to make love to her? Or does it stimulate something that can feel a lot like that but is broader emotionally and is more identification than objectification? I struggled with this for years, and it was really confusing.

There's the cultural conditioning. We grow up as boys among other males of various ages and experiences. We hear things, may be overtly taught things, we see things, and from that we're expected to form a healthy masculine personality and worldview so we can form a lasting partnership with a woman who has a healthy feminine personality and worldview.

Somehow, for a small percentage of us, it just doesn't develop like that. I am very attracted to femininity, and for years I thought that meant I wanted to mate with a woman I found visually appealing. It took a very long time and a lot of introspection to realize that the emotions I was feeling weren't mating lust in the usual sense, but a form of envy. Exciting to imagine looking like that, and being free to act like that and attract like that, and that excitement is easily confused (especially in a younger mind) with the rush of emotion that underlies the mating urge.

It took me one failed marriage and a number of WTF relationships to sort that out. Even today, in my late 60s, I sometimes realize that an "available" female acquaintance or friend most likely wishes I wasn't married so she could get closer. Now and then, it's pretty clear that even the ring wouldn't deter them if I were willing. It doesn't really flatter me, because I know that many women might not like the whole mishmash that I carry around inside me, that they might have an illusion that, hey, this could be a romance. In fact, I avoided starting relationships for 25 years because I didn't want to take the chance of getting an infatuation up to speed, all the while worrying about when and how to truly open up and risk tossing it all away in a moment.

So, lots of words to answer #1. I'm as sure as I can be that what I feel is appreciation of the form and a whole lot of envy for the roles and freedom I perceive there, much more so than any typical sexual attraction.

#2: Pretty much every time. I have a sister one year younger, who, ironically, grew up very, very butch and has less-than-zero use for femininity. I have wondered my entire conscious life why we weren't switched. She would have been a better boy, and I would have been a better girl. When I went full-time for nearly eight years in the 1980s, I tried to look and be as much as I could like who I might have been if born female in the same family at the same time and grown up through the 50s and 60s where we lived. She wouldn't have been all frilly and delicate, but she would definitely not have had my sister's aversion to female clothes and styles and interests. I also wonder how my mother felt about her only daughter rejecting femininity while her third son overtly embraced it as an adult.

#3: Yep, for as long as I can remember.

[NewBrendaLee]

1)I think like you do 2)yes thats how I would like to look 3) yes

[Lana Mae]

1. Did not think about it until I was 65! Yes is the answer in short form!
2. Sometimes.
3. See 1. Basically had a typical boy's life. Often played with girls, but mostly earlier they were who was there to play with. Never dated or anything when a teen but was called "ladies man" by a friend! I could talk to anyone in school and floated among the different social layers. Often saw stocking tops and panty girdle legs and wanted that but did not realize it that way!
Hugs Lana Mae

[Rosemary+]

Thanks ladies for taking the time to reply,.
So it appears I'm not the only one with these thoughts and impulses,
I'll also add when being with my male friends at the pub or football, I would be listening to their typical male comments, and i could never understand what they were going on about, to paraphrase the old saying , they were trying to get into the women's pants and so was I,me to wear them!
Rosie

[Cheryl T]

Yes, yes, and yes.
Whenever I saw a woman who was "put together" I would always wonder if I could wear that look.
Time and again I wondered what my style would be were I born female.

[rockerreds]

Yes Yes and Yes!

[Jaylyn]

1. Never thought of myself as a female or identified myself as female but have always been curious about them and attracted to them.

2. When a woman catches my eye it is usually a very sexual woman. I think I'd really love to wear her outfit but never wanted to be in her heels, but have a set of heels like hers to play dress up in.

3. Yes I was attracted to my moms silky, smooth, soft, feel good under garments. The makeup and lipstick fetish thing came later in life. I used to play in moms heels so I guess from a very early age I was thinking these are cool.

[Ashley090]

Hey Rosie,
I must admit that I think lots of times same as you do :) For your questions:
1. Yup, you are not alone. Me include in those ppl :)
2. I spent lots of time about thinking of myself as girl. How do I look, what I do like, how I do behave, what is my style in general. For me CDing is answer. Me as Ashley is that answer.
3. For me all those "what if I be a girl" thoughts were with me since I was kid, like 5-6 year old :D And they didnt left me as I though :)

[Lucy23]

Hey Rosemary, interesting questions. And some really interesting answers. I'll try giving mine.

#1 There were times I thought that I wasn't objectifying women where in fact I was, only to realize that later. There were times I was the proverbial nice guy, thinking that never treating women badly (never offend them, never say anything that would be related to their looks) is how a man was supposed to behave around them, only to find that they admired the guys who didn't hide it. To put it simply, I have had much more trouble with women than I would care to admit, but I'm learning.
However, I have never identified with women. I have always wanted to be a good man (or be good at being a man) and as such leave something of worth behind. I have looked up to various men, both real and fictional, who could teach me something about how to be a man.


I'll also add when being with my male friends at the pub or football, I would be listening to their typical male comments, and i could never understand what they were going on about
This too. I have always found such statements bland, offending, and childish. But not in the usual way, I thought that they are offensive to men as well. That men reduce themselves to their urges, that they sacrifice much of what they could be.

#2 Having said that, I have never wanted to be a woman. However, I thought of how I would look like with a complete makeover but never tried to do anything about it, nor do I want to at the moment. So if a woman catches my eye I either find her attractive in some way, or because she wears something I would want. That may lead me to thinking about how would I look wearing it, and when I go shopping I look something similar to add in my wardrobe.
Women I'm attracted to don't necessarily dress the way I do. Although I love skirts, tights, or dresses, I've had crushes on women who found such clothes kinda not worth the effort and preferred really casual clothing.

#3 I've been like this all my life, with certain aspects changing throughout the years as I found them to be either obsolete and in dire need of reevaluation, or outright damaging. Seeing a therapist due to my depression has also helped a lot getting to the bottom of many things.

[Tracii G]

My thought is why in heck was I born a male when I feel more like a female on the inside.
So I guess I don't fit any of these questions.

[Becky Blue]

Good Questions Rosie

1. Totally, it was only a few years ago that I realised that I had always identified with females. It was totally natural for me as I always did, I could give 100 examples such as; watching movies & identifying with the female characters; not relating to groups of guys etc etc.

2. Yes when I see women I see how they look in their clothes and often wonder how I would look in them.

3. Most, but the intensity changes

[MissEllie]

1. I've always managed to associate myself better with women from my family and also with female friends as well. It's always been like that and I'm not sure if that's to do with me trying to have a connection to the CD or not and maybe it doesnt, but I think some sort of connection between the two is evident.

2. I wouldn't really say that situation has happened to me, but whenever I'm out and about in male clothes, I always look at other women and think stuff like "wow! what an amazing outfit" or "I wonder where she got that dress and heels from". Similar scenario I suppose, but not entirely different.

3. Not all my life, but on and off since I was very young and then now it's come back stronger than ever.

[TrishaTX]

I am about 60-40 male to female...so I identify as both. I cook, clean and often feel that female sexy, but I also play sports, talk nonsensical guy stuff and look at women. I do find certain women I would like to look like especially from 40's and 50's. ...I have had these since the beginning of time.