Have you tried to give up dressing against your desires? How long did you last?

[Sarah Louise]

There's an interesting thread at the moment about retiring from crossdressing, if such a thing is possible. The general consensus is it will eventually draw you back. Which got me thinking. Have you made a decision to give it up and how long did you last?

I'm not talking about the loss of desire that many of us experience (I lost interest for almost 25 years). But I've never tried to give it up against my desires. Have you and if so, how long did you last and what made you try?

[JeanTG]

Maybe 10 or 12 years, after a purge.

[NewBrendaLee]

Yes , only for a short time less than a week

[Adriana Moretti]

I did, it wasnt by choice, but rather my situation. It is a familiar story.

My car died...like completely died.
Lost my job cause I couldnt get to work anymore.
Lost my apartment cause I had no job.

Sometimes when life slaps you in the face you have to prioritize .

I put everything down and focused on getting life back in order.

Took a while ( and I gained like 40 pounds )

Thru hard work ( especially in the gym LOL ) ..I got back on track, and came back better, stronger, faster LOL XOXO

[Tracy Irving]

I don't think I am strong enough to try to give it up.

[Teresa]

Sarah,
No the inner feeling just won't let me, when it's there 24/7, waiting for the next opportunity is bad enough.

If I can't dress I'll take a look around the charity shops or pop in and see some friends who'll probably want to see some pictures.

[Rosemary+]

How can you retire from dressing? When your whole life the last thought before sleep is I hope I wake as a woman!
No I don't think I could ever retire
It is part of me
Rosie

[CarolBrown]

I stopped dressing for around 15 years and for a good proportion of that time, I didn't even think about dressing. Then after wearing a kilt, it gradually came back (desire, want, urge, need)...

[michelleddg]

After my bride-to-be and I had "the talk", I agreed to let her take my stash and see if I could kick the habit. Lasted six weeks. Hugs, Michelle

[sometimes_miss]

It partly depends upon why you are crossdressing in the first place. Then, add into it whether you get sexually excited from it, and if you feel guilty for doing it. Lots of things contribute to whether you'll be able to stop crossdressing. From my mid twenties well into my thirties I stopped; I really thought that I had 'beaten it', that the desire was gone. It seemed that when everything else in my life was going well, my subconscious was able to repress the desire to crossdress, so I didn't find any need for it, or even ever think about it. But apparently, it remained in the background, like a smoldering ember in a fire, just waiting for that rush of oxygen (turmoil in my life) to make the flames burn hot again. During my 'dormant' period, all my emotional and sexual needs were being met; so, little frustration in life. When that ended, so did my ability to ignore the desire to crossdress.
So for the techies among us, it's like in order to keep the desire to crossdress under control, our minds use (x) number of cpu cycles, all the time. And that's fine, until some other chores require 100%, and then the ability to repress the desire to crossdress goes away, and it comes to the forefront of our consciousness. Once there, it's like trying to put toothpaste back in the tube. Not going to happen, only time and a return to stability will decrease the desires again.
JMHO.

[Nikki.]

I've quit several times. Probably the longest I lasted was a couple of months.

[NancySue]

Hi Sarah...wow...25 years...what a surprise! You are beautiful. When you post pictures, I'm always amazed and smile.
I'm one of us who risked it all and told her before the nuptials. Her surprising acceptance and loving support was the best thing that's ever happened to me. Even though I didn't lose interest or need, I thought I could give it up or tone it down...Nah. That never worked for me. I tried, but failed. When I told her what I was doing...she asked me "why". I really couldn't explain it. The beautiful blouse she bought me...and I still wear it...sealed the deal. Keep posting your pics. 👗

[DIANEF]

I've never tried to give up, in fact I'd have spent far more time dressing in the right circumstances.

[Kiersten]

I tried once because I thought I could just "kick the habit" lol. I lasted about 5 weeks.

[Lucy23]

Two times I tried, two times I failed.

When my first girlfriend dumped me, I stopped crossdressing not because I wanted to, but because I had nothing to wear. After 4 and a half years of struggling, ignoring, and fighting it I bought several pieces of underwear. Few months later I felt so ashamed and disgusted of myself that I purged everything. I was so adamant that I would stop crossdressing no matter what. Almost 6 month later I gave in and my wardrobe has been expanding ever since.

[Alice_2014_B]

I've taken a hiatus from time to time when life gets too busy.
They just kind of happen, not really by choice.
That's just hiatus from fully dressing; during such I'll still hang around the apartment and back deck in heels and drab, possibly a skirt as well.

:)

[sara66]

I took an 11 year break. We I got married I decided nit to burden my wife with my dressing. I had my one and only purge ( a week before the wedding, just in case). I never really lost the desire, it did come and go. The only exception was on a business trip I bought a bra & panties. Then last year was a particularly stressful time and the flood gates broke. I told my wife before I purchased anything. She was not overly thrilled. After a couple days of research she told me that it would be ok for me to start again. If everything was normal last year I do not think I would be here to day.
Sara

[Periwinkle]

The only time I actively tried to quit was in high school, and I lasted about three years. But in senior year, I stopped caring about what other people thought of me. Other times I stopped dressing up were caused by stress. When I'm stressed out, I don't really have the motivation to make mysef look super nice.

[Jenniferathome]

Never. Life inserted itself and pushed things tot gebäck, but I never "gave it up."

[Maria 60]

The hardest thing in my life was when I quit smoking, but I believe it's easier then to quit dressing.

[KimberlyJean]

There have been times when the desire was low and there have been many times where there was no opportunity but it has always been a part of me. Ever since my cousin put her boots on me at age 5 the desire has been there. My 20's were probably the time when I dressed the least, but that was probably due to opportunity and circumstance more than desire. I remember during the invasion of Iraq I would just lay down close my eyes and dress in my head.

[Beverley Sims]

Tried not dressing for about two days once.

My girlfriends then boycotted me and I was not allowed to go with them on a Saturday night jaunt.

Get a frock on or else. :-)

[Emily Ann Brown]

When she found out about me...I agreed to stop and go to a counselor....I didn't break my promise for 6 months. Then she stepped up the checking and attacks....when she say she was telling the kids I was GAY, I told them myself so that what they heard was the truth and not her brainfarts. At 6 months I said way bother now that the family knows. Since then I have only female underwear and tights. I now sometimes going a week only male outer clothes. Em

[Jenny123]

I tried to stop so many times when I was a teenager and in my 20s. I could give things up for a little while, but the desire always came back.

[emma-louise]

I was more or less forced to give up dressing due to ill health and my living situation, not dressed for nearly 2 years cant see a time when i will get back into it

[Jeri Ann]

Certainly!

I've tried to quit several times over the years because this thing that I deal with is so inconvenient.

It did not work. It will never work, I know that now. So, I am back in for good and deeper than ever.

Jeri

[Abbey11]

Interesting question. I have tried, I have purged it lasted about a year and then the pink mist rolled in like a tornado and to be honest I am glad it did

I'll not purge again as lost some beautiful things, I will thin things out as needed

Abbey

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Sarah:hugs:, Dressing is like being in the Mafia, You just can't quit ! ...:daydreaming:...

[Georgina]

I took a different approach. Almost forty years ago I promised myself that I would not stop dressing and I have never broken that vow.

[emma30]

As long as there are women out there that I can be jealous of , then giving up for any period is virtually impossible.

[Steph54]

I know I did 40 plus years ago. Can't remember how many times or how long each lasted. Now when the desire comes on I dress. When it "wears off" everything goes back in the garage, sometimes for a year or more.

Steph

[Ashley090]

No matter how hard you will try it ll´ come back to you. More you try to resist, stronger it become ;)

[GretchenM]

I pretty much agree with Sometimes Miss. Your ability to rid crossdressing or cross gender behavior depends on where your desires and needs come from. If it is purely recreational and/or habitual then you should be able to quit. But my sense is that for most of us the desire and need is much deeper than that and more a matter of being a part of who we are. If gender variance does follow a spectrum from, say, underdressing to a complete transition, and that spectrum exists because of fundamental personality traits and characteristics, actually quitting would be next to impossible without a lot of adverse effects such as bouts of severe depression and gut wrenching dysphoria. But I do think most of us can quit for awhile, as many have said, but permanently is another matter altogether. I have fought it for over half a century and did not express that way for long periods. But it always came back and often stronger than before. When I was 8 I wanted to be a girl. That desire kinda, sorta went away for very long periods, but the identity associated with that desire always remained lurking in the shadows of other things in my life. I have finally achieved a point of saying, "Hey there, you might as well come out in the light and lets get acquainted." Now both identities exist in a blended fashion much of the time or pop out according to circumstances. I find it quite useful to have two identities even though management is difficult. And it doesn't depend on what I am wearing. I can bring each one up or both together depending on the situation. However, when Gretchen is 90% of who I am, expressing in drab upsets her quite a bit (the source of dysphoria). So, if that continues, at the first opportunity it is off to the stash and she feels much, much better.

Gretchen

[Stephanie Julianna]

Over the decades I have tried to stay in the closet for years at a time but the worst part is that when I break out I tend to go further than I did when last dressed. I call it the sling shot effect. So going into the closet does not work and we all better find a good place to get through this life as we know it or it will be a very rocky road.

[wendy]

I've been CDing most of my life. When I met my g/f (now wife), and things became serious, I decided that I would give it up permanently, hence purge.

That lasted for a few years, but CDing was always at the back of my mind. When we bought a house and moved in together, the urge was really strong, but I held on. Eventually I went back to my old ways, which was buying women's clothes and hiding them in various places in the basement.

At that time, I didn't find this forum (or maybe it didn't exist yet), but another CDing forum someone posted this : you cannot hide CDing from your SO forever, it is only a matter of time before they find out. After that, I made another purge, I didn't quit CDing I just didn't want my g/f to find out. Then I got hit with medical issues, I received my first treatment and it seemed to go ok so I got back into buying women's clothing (again), but the treatment didn't stick so I suspended it. So after 10 years dealing with hospitals, I am finally ok and now I can share Wendy with my wife.

I cannot quit permanently, Wendy is part of my life and I have come to accept her.

[Judy-Somthing]

I don't know how long I can go but I'm going to try right now.

[Princess Chantal]

I haven't tried to stop and doubt it will ever happen against my desires (unless there are physical health issues). However, I could see my crossdressing come to a "retirement" stage some day when my interest in it decreases. Could possibly be a Barry Sanders retirement or a Bret Favre retirement. My crossdressing is all about having fun, if the fun is not there any more it will be an unsaid goodbye. May do a few kicks at the can to see if any fun 'sparks' reappear though

[Cheryl T]

When I was younger I purged a few times and sometimes lasted as long as 3 months before I was buying stockings or panties and beginning again.
Now that I have come out (10 years ago) that thought never crosses my mind. My clothes are in the closet instead of me and it is such a wonderful feeling to be free of all that guilt that caused me such pain. It's also nice to know that I'm no longer throwing away clothes that I love and wasting all that money.

[janeycdbbw]

Similar to Alice, my lack of dressing has been situational not because of lack of desire...that seems to be there all the time.

[Lana Mae]

Sorry, I started at 65 why would I want to quit now. No spouse, live with my accepting daughter ( who does not want to see daddy in a dress) who works week days when I am mostly off work! My son lives an hour away and accepts but will not dress in front of him or his family for now! No reason to quit for now or in the forseeable future! Best wishes Hugs Lana Mae

[Michelle (Oz)]

Stopped dressing when my now ex-wife 'left me for a real man'. Lasted 3 1/2 years. Desire/need to dress returned with a vengeance 4 years ago. I've learned a lot from the impact of my dressing on my previous marriage and have been much more thoughtful of my wife's attitude and feelings in my 3rd (and forever) marriage.

[BettyMorgan]

I'v tried a few times over the years because of guilt and self-loathing (purging with full regret). Failed due to the stress it caused me.
Now that I can dress as I like and don't have to hide my clothes in a box in the basement, I am much happier.
I'm not saying that people who "retire" can't do it permanently. I'm saying it wasn't possible for me. I could possibly find different method of dealing with the anxiety of my dysphoria, but what I do doesn't hurt anyone so I'm happy to dress as a woman when I can.

[Becky Blue]

I have never tried to stop and I don't believe that i would be able to live a happy life if I tried. BUT I do believe that anyone can do anything they put their mind to, but can you stop and be happy... in my opinion no. I lost all desires for 4 years but it was not in anyway due to wanting to stop, she just left me.

[TrishaTX]

I have stopped whenever I started a new relationship with a female, but it wears out quickly. I cannot and now will not stop, it would make no sense.

[Meghan4now]

Yes, pretty successfully for 10 years. I think it can be done. You may still have the desire occasionally, but you CAN chose what you will do with it.

[Dana44]

For me I tired to stop whenever I stated a new relationship and purge. But went though many relationships as I was quite different and many seemed to let me dress once or twice. LOL but they did not like it. Through my lean years I tried men and was girlfriend on one. That was kinda nice but men do not want nice relationships like that and it dissolves when it gets old. Now I am with a GG and she loves me as I am. Even when I am dressed she tells me she is close to me and loves me. Women are the better half of a relationship. They say you finally meet your soul mate.

[StephanieM]

Quitting is easy I've done it a million times. Ok old joke but it's true.

From 18 to about 34 I went through phases of dressing then quit then went back. I went cold turkey during my first marriage until she was out of town for a week. Then I started dressing in secret but got caught. So after my divorce I started up again and have been dressing to some degree for 10 years now. My current wife is supportive of it so it's easier to accept myself now and no plans on purging ever again.

[sometimes_miss]

Maybe 10 or 12 years, after a purge.
Sounds about right. There may have been a lingering desire sometimes during my non crossdressing period, but it was always very transitory, like when seeing an outfit like ones I had worn before. Never anything strong enough to make me keep thinking about it. Recently gave it up for about a year or so, but realized that there was no reason to restrict myself from something that felt good.

[Kandi Robbins]

It may be like an alcoholic. They may give up drinking and go the rest of their lives without a drink. But they still consider themselves alcoholics. It is there every day of their lives. This is no different.

I went long and extended periods of time without dressing or even thinking about it. But eventually, due to circumstances or just the natural progression of life, my mind came back to it and I finally gave in, embraced who and what I really am. That is I am a damn good person who has male and female portions of my personality (predominantly male, but a very needy female component). There are no pat answers, we are all different, with different feelings about this, different reasons for this, different circumstances and different levels of willpower.

[Stephanie47]

I found the only time I tried to stop wearing anything feminine was when I was in total denial and in total confusion over my perceived sexuality. Back in the 1960's society seem to proclaim that crossdresser were homosexuals, although the terminology was crude.....queer, faggot, fruit, pansy...etc. Every time I wore something of my mother's I swore it was the last time until it wasn't the last time. There was only one time when I was totally free of any thoughts of wearing women's clothing. I was drafted into the army and spent two years in an almost totally male environment. There was training and more training and finally a trip across the pond to Vietnam....wounded twice doing the "manly thing." I also did not feel any pull towards men. I would best described my stint for most of the time as totally asexual.

My stint in the army and a combat environment did do something for me. It gave me some sense of my sexual identity....totally straight. It also seems logical to me that hormonal action come into play. Although I ascribe to the notion all men and women possess some DNA of the non-birth sex, it can be suppressed or accentuated when necessary. In a combat situation the hormones of male preservation were dominant and suppressed any thoughts inconsistent with it.

So why did the desires return? I think it is in my DNA and there is a need not to be suppressed.

[Krisi]

There's an interesting thread at the moment about retiring from crossdressing, if such a thing is possible. The general consensus is it will eventually draw you back. Which got me thinking. Have you made a decision to give it up and how long did you last? .....

Has it occurred to you that most people who have given up crossdressing are not likely to be hanging out on crossdressing forums? Any statistics you might infer from your survey will be hopelessly biased in favor of the "I can't give it up" crowd.

If you want an accurate survey, you will have to ask the general population, not on a crossdressing forum. Try Facebook.

- - - Updated - - -


How can you retire from dressing? When your whole life the last thought before sleep is I hope I wake as a woman!

Two things you need to know:

1) That will never happen.

2) Not all crossdressers feel that way.

From reading previous posts over the years, if we were given the choice of waking up as a woman (for the rest of our lives, not for a day or a week), most of us would turn it down.

[Acastina]

For years when I was young, I would hope that the latest episode would be the last, that I'd grow out of it. But it never really went away, and I always had something to wear even if the times were compartmentalized.

Then when I graduated from professional grad school, my gender issues descended like a ton of bricks. Within four years, I had started a full-time transition in a distant city environment. That went on for nearly eight years before I went through a purge of sorts by giving away a lot of clothing to two tall women friends at work. I knew the desire to CD wasn't going anywhere, just that it wasn't full-time any more, so I kept a drawer full of stuff when I moved again out of state. Within a year, I had found my way to a wig shop out of town and was dressing up at home fairly frequently. I shared my secret with a few women friends and even got caught by a male friend who came by unexpectedly in circumstances where I couldn't pretend to not be home (my house had a lot of glass...). He was totally cool about it and said he had suspected something like that from interacting with me.

When I moved back to my home town after six years out of state, the pink fog settled in again and I knew there was no denying or giving up. In the course of getting together with members of a Yahoo CD group, I met the woman who would become my wife a few years later. She met the girl first, so there was never an issue. She loves both/all of me. After 13 years of marriage, which has brought us to an average age of 70, I'm pretty much full-time at home and variable elsewhere. I went out deliberately androgynously over the holidays a couple of times and got some interesting ambiguous reactions, including a pretty good friend from my musical circles who passed briefly in a crowded supermarket and acted like he recognized me but couldn't place me; didn't say my name, which he always does. That was kinda fun.

Feeling like I'm running out of years, I'm more and more inclined to push the image publicly.

But will it away and just not indulge it? No freakin' way, not for decades. Never will.:c9:

[Sarah Louise]

Has it occurred to you that most people who have given up crossdressing are not likely to be hanging out on crossdressing forums? Any statistics you might infer from your survey will be hopelessly biased in favor of the "I can't give it up" crowd.

If you want an accurate survey, you will have to ask the general population, not on a crossdressing forum. Try Facebook.

Who said anything about wanting to infer statistics from the question?

[SusanMarie]

Have tried to give up but... to quote a popular TV program....RESISTANCE IS FUTILE!