Strange times...

[CarolBrown]

As posted in another thread, I came out to my wife about 2 1/2 weeks ago. Since then...

The initial rules were, no underwear and no going out...

Firstly I managed to not really dress for about 3 days, then the pink mist hit and hit hard... I needed to dress, but without the underwear it didn't feel right. I asked my wife for a bra and she gave me some of hers (new ones she had) which fitted me nicely (but, I am not allowed to fill them) and then I needed to dress and for the next 3 days, I dressed each evening.
When I thanked my wife for accepting my coming out, she told me she was struggling, she told me that she thought it was just wearing a skirt, top and/or dress... I stepped back for a moment and realised that I needed to pull back a little not fully dress every night. She let me get some panties and some tights and I felt comfortable wearing just these under my normal clothing and then just dressing more fully occasionally.

For the last few days, my men's underwear have stayed in the drawer, my legs have been waxed (and my tights (pantyhose) feel great and my nails have been painted (bright colours on my toes and more drab colours on my fingers). I feel much easier and happier in myself and my wife appears to be more accepting, even to helping to guide me with make up. I know I am very lucky, my wife knew I was in the closet about something, just not cross dressing.

[sabrinaedwards]

Hi Carol, I hope that your wife is still accepting and that things work out for the both of you. It appears that you on a good path for some type of compromise.
Love, Sabrina

[Rachael Leigh]

Wow, to be honest with the rules she set its quite surprising she's now helping more now.
Hope it all continues to go well for you. One thing I've learned is just be honest with her as to how you feel and what you
would like don't hide

[Lana Mae]

Sounds good! Glad to hear that she is supporting you now! Best wishes going forward! Hugs Lana Mae

[Rachelakld]

lovely story, don't forget to have boy time with your wife often as well

[immindy]

Gosh , sounds like she may be scared and not really knowing what this whole " cross dressing " thing is all about. Hopefully you have a lot of open discussions with her as she begins to understand things . Ask one of the GG's here maybe as an opinion of what may be going through her mind . Like " does he want to be a woman " or " what happens if the neighbors find out ". It took years for my wife and myself to really understand what this was all about for me. It is different for each person as some of us just dress and others of us consider ourselves as transgender or what not.The good thing is that you told her and she seems willing to talk and work with you . Maybe the "rules" thing was an initial , scared, reaction. I wish you the best !

[Beverley Sims]

Carol,

Slowly but surely is the road to success.

Look after your wife's wishes.

[Aunt Kelly]

First of all, Carol, yes. You are very lucky to have such an understanding and accommodating wife. That she has come this far this fast is probably a good sign, but...
My advice would be to slow down just a bit. Let her see what a difference even this much has made for you. She has signed on for, what must be for almost any crossresser's SO, a scary ride. Now is not to time to hit the gas. Now is the time to turn to her and give back. Find ways to show her that the man she married is still there and that he cherishes her all the more for taking the step she has.
Open and honest communication about your cross dressing is important, but there will be time for that. Education, for both of you, is important. Make resources available to her but let her consume them at her own pace.

FWIW, I attended a local support group meeting last night. This group exists for CD's and their spouses, and the half-dozen or so married couples there were some of the happiest, closest, and enduring marriages I have ever known. You find a way to be one of those couples, my friend. You're on a good start.

[~Joanne~]

Rules, compromises, limitations, I have a hard time wrapping my head around all of this. I know a lot of You accept this as a part of your life, but I don't. I don't lay down any of these on my SO so I fully expect the same RESPECT. Who does any of this harm? What is it about this that makes a wife/SO think she has more control over a person because of it?

[Jaylyn]

Carol always be up front with the wife, if your wife is really your "soulmate " you can be yourself with each other. This is something my own wife and I have talked about. We agreed that there would be no secrets between us a long long time ago. ( exception of secrets would be birthday gifts and presents for each other). Actually this has worked well for both of us. We just have our talk sessions where we promise not to raise our voices, but listen to what the other ones feelings are concerning the things that come up in our lives that are out of the ordinary. By having these little talks we have discovered how much we really need each other, we have revealed some very deep secrets, fantasies, and desires that we would have never knew existed in our selves. Shortly after we married we wanted to know each other's deepest thoughts, life expectancies, and know each other's strengths and our weaknesses. This happened 47 years ago. Life has been good because of this. When I told her I enjoyed makeup, heels and hose, soft things against my skin it wasn't a surprise to her when I wanted to dress every now and then. She even helped me many times which resulted in some hot bed time play as well.
Some things she suggested she wanted to experience I will not elaborate on here but they have lead us on our path of some adventures I would never have imagined. I think if one is up front from the beginning GGs can accept us CDs better. We can even help each other be who and what we desire to be.
Sounds like your wife is starting to accept you also. Good luck. Marriage is all about some give and tKe experiences.

[natalie edwards]

Very valid viewpoint. I think probably our embarrassment and awkwardness allow us to be controlled. But very true, who dies it hurt? Especially those of us who just dress in our homes. We have no desire to do anything more.

[BettyMorgan]

As long as you don't push it, I suspect she will come around and be even more supportive than she is already.
Having someone accept you for who you are is worth more than gold. Always keep that in the forefront of your mind.

[NancySue]

I agree with Joanne. Rules, limitations, compromises are all segments of control and control equals tension, frustration, etc. i.e. she lets me dress but can't shave my legs, she lets me dress only twice a week, etc. We all know dressing is a compulsive behavior pattern and our needs are always there. Accept it, be honest and deal with it. I'm amazed every time I read about those who think their wives/SO don't know. Wake up ! They know. Ever hear about female ESP? Women hate dishonesty...beware of the consequences if you choose to deceive. Yes, I risked everything by telling her early in our relationship. Best thing I ever did. We don't understand the how's or why's but unconditional acceptance is fantastic. I do wish the BEST to all in this quandary and things work will work out.

[CarolBrown]

I have chosen not to wear full female clothing everyday, rather than to push down her throat my dressing as she has admitted she struggles with it.

Compromise is not a form of control, it's a necessary requirement for healthy relationships and marriages. If I dressed how I wanted to, all of the time, knowing that it is potentially upsetting my wife, then it would be incredibly selfish of me to do so. Ultimately, she does let me dress when I want to and most days, I wear something feminine (this may just be panties or just pantyhose or just leggings). Respect is a 2 way street, I have to respect her feelings and discomforts, otherwise, I don't have a healthy relationship, more of a controlling one...

- - - Updated - - -

I feel the need to add...

Crossdressing, although a low step on the transgender ladder is still a step on the transgender ladder. It is also perhaps the most misunderstood step, with many people immediately assuming that crossdressers are homosexual or want to be women. No one knows how people are going to react, especially in the current world we live in (I am aware that even as recent as 10 years ago, reactions would be more severe than that of today), with a large element of violence directed at those who are 'different'. For me to come out to my wife was a huge step, with me actually trying to find out where she stood for a very long time before actually telling her and then having to reassure her again and again that I am still be, but, the full me, without the aspect of me that I had suppressed for a high proportion of my life.

Once that door was open, it bought about the questions and also the quandary about how to reveal my concealed clothing (fortunately only a small amount), although there are a few pieces that I haven't revealed as they just aren't what I want to wear and will be going to a charity shop atbthe next opportunity...