Wife's bra

[Julie MA]

My wife is throwing out an old bra...thinking of asking her if I can have it. She doesn't know I CD. Too much, too fast?

[Lorileah]

:thinking: Hmm, "honey can I have that old bra?" Wife: "Why would you? Ewww." If you do, you better have a good back story. Like you may need to MacGyver the belts on your Range Rover in the Desert. Or there are two birds you need to kill with one stone. How about you just come out and tell her WHY you want it? I know what I would think you wanted it for and I wouldn't like the idea. I would be more likely to give it to you to wear than what my imagination builds

Edit: You said in another thread
Now you have the chance that things will improve and you can open up. .
Julie And you don't take your own advice?

[alwayshave]

Julie, Talking about burying your headline. I might talk to her first before hitting her with a question like that.

[valerie anne]

If she is throwing it out, it has either died (elastic stretched) or if originally white, it has gone grey.

It's unlikely to be your size, either!

When I first realised that I wanted/needed to wear a bra, I looked for cast-offs etc., as I didn't think the system would let me but new ones. But all the lingerie outlets are only too happy to sell you bras, they don't care if you are a guy.

Estimate your size then bid for your bras on eBay. You can get them at low cost and you can experiment with styles and colors.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Julie:hugs:, Before you rush into that read line #4 in my signature...:daydreaming:...

[Brenda456]

Sounds like the two of you need to have a chat.

[Robin777]

I have some of my wife's old bras,because she outgrew them. I got them because she has known I CD since before we were married and they are my size. If your wife does not know you CD ,that is NOT the way to bring up a conversation about the fact you CD. You need to find another way to break the ice with her about what you do.

[DIANEF]

Julie, I started a thread some time ago about 'Golden Rules', No1 was - 'never wear your wifes things', I should have added never wear your wifes ex things. Much better to get your own, one that fits and is new.

[Alice_2014_B]

I've never been into my wife's clothes and such.
Even if we wore the same size, still wouldn't be interested.
I do, however, let her wear my heels in the bedroom from time to time; we wear the same size.

I have heard that it is a general rule not to take and wear your SO's clothes without them knowing.
:)

[Johninabra]

Julie I used to wear my wife's old bras because she would not purchase bras for me. She told me I I wanted the right size bra I should get myself some. I finally took her advise and with her help measuring me I started purchacing my own bras. I will admit that wearing her bras even her discards was more exciting.

[immindy]

Maybe your real question is " Should I tell my wife I cross dress" I don't know how long you have been married or how close you and your wife are but at some point she most likely will find out you cross dress , if she doesn't already know . Also , gosh why would you want an old worn out bra anyway. Get your self new ones ,that fit you , to hold up those puppies :)

Cheers , Mindy :)

[Lana Mae]

You need to come out to your wife first and then go buy some bras that fit not her cast offs. IMHO Hugs Lana Mae

[JeanTG]

I for one can't speak enough about how important it is to be properly measured and fitted for a bra. I too tried an old cast-off at first and I couldn't understand why anyone would like that aspect of being a CD. Now that I have bras that fit, I feel naked without one.

[Tracii G]

If she is throwing out a bra its worn out so I have to ask why do you want a worn out bra?
Go buy your own bra.

[Beverley Sims]

My answer to any question about an old bra is, I am going to make a twin slingshot.

That is if the elastic is not worn.

Any bra with worn elastic will not support you anyway.

Straps keep falling off your shoulders etc.

Go buy a new one they can be cheap enough.

I have seen them for two dollars or less on an end of line sale.

I know winter is coming on but two pairs of shorts and a tankini bathers cost all up five dollars.

They will still be in fashion next summer.

[Julie MA]

Well, I did it. I was half joking about asking her for her old bra. My intent was a way to tell her about Julie.

We sat down to dinner, and my heart was racing, and I was occasionally gasping for air. She noticed. I thought it would take a few beers, but pretty quickly I said I had something to tell her that might be a little shocking. Ashen stare back at me. I started by assuring her I am not gay, wasn't leaving her, and wasn't cheating on her. A releived little smile now. I explained that as a bisexual, which I told her before marriage, this may not be all that hard to believe. She has also said that I put on a tough exterior but knows I am a real softy. I said that I like to wear women's clothes sometimes. She gave me the biggest smile, squeezed my arm, and said that perfectly OK. Phew! What a dream. What a wife. Of course now it sinks in and the expected questions come. Do I want to trans? How often? When did it start? Have you been out? Etc. All good discussions and I haven't felt that close to her in years. Some emotion set in. Concern about the extent. Where it leads. What about the kids... More good. We shopped for gifts together with short discussions here and there and reassurances on both sides. I even pointed out a dress I liked. At home now and wouldnt you know the Snickers commercial with Willem DeFoe dressed as Marilyn Monroe, and the Big Bang Theory episode where the lose a bet and have to dress up as female super heroes came on. Inside laughs. But she was now exhausted and we went to bed, hugging each other to sleep. In the morning we did something we haven't done in 7 months. And clothes were not involved. I love my wife!

[Cheryl T]

Might just be a little too soon.
If she knew and approved or was DADT then yeah maybe.

[CynthiaD]

Here's an alternative suggestion:

Buy your own bra, a really fancy one, put it on, show it to your wife and say "Honey, look what I just bought, it's exactly what I've always wanted."

This will have about the same effect as your original suggestion, and you get a brand new bra out of it.

Of course your life might not be much fun afterwards ...

[Julie MA]

Today, after she had "processed" it further, she said she wants to go to couples counseling to be sure we both have the info and tools we need going forward. I completely agreed. I did add that I wouldn't be judged or scolded. She agreed.

[Tracii G]

Sounds like she is a very smart and understanding lady so head thru this together and you should be just fine.
Don't push too hard and think her acceptance is a green light for you to go hog wild.

[Amy Lynn3]

Way to go Julie. Now you can enjoy the rest of your life with your soul mate, without fears.:)

[pinkcapri]

Me and my wife go bra and panty shopping together, I select mine and she does hers and then we go to checkout together and pay. Saying that, often my wife would through in her bra on my face and say 'wear mine instead of your gigantic bra' :-). Yes, I wear a 38DD with silicone forms 7 inches in diameter and 3.75 tall, to which she taunts me 'get rid of the grandma boobs and wear smart sexy boobs'.

[Julie MA]

Thanks, ladies. So many of you gave me the confidence to do this. Took 20 years.

[Aunt Kelly]

Well played, Julie. You appear to be headed down the right path. Here's hoping that ends up in a good place for both of you.

Hugs,

Kelly

[DIANEF]

Sounds like you have a wonderful wife Julie, so happy for you.

[Tracy Irving]

Congratulations. Now you have 20 years of catching up to do. Just do it slowly. Enjoy!

[Julie MA]

So true. But I want to do so slowly. I want it to be mutual fun. I am still married after all. It isn't just about me. You ladies are the best. I want to meet some of our someday. Considering First Event next month. I will see how she warms up to the idea...

[Sandra]

Be prepared for her to have a reversal of feelings, not saying it will happen but just be ready for it. Some not all SOs after having time to think and let it sink in fully start to get worried and scared and say they don't want it in their lives. If it happens talk to her more listen to her concerns and worries. What ever happens take it all at her pace because if you push it it could just backfire.

[Krisi]

It sounds like you've solved your problem so congratulations. Take it slow and be sure to keep telling and showing her that you love her and that you are still her "man".

To respond to your original post about the bra your wife is throwing out (in case someone else is in the same situation), what I used to do before I told my wife about my "hobby" was to rescue old bras and such from the trash. Let her put it in the trash and then retrieve it before it was picked up. That works for donations as well.

[Julie MA]

I mean Krisi, darn auto correct

- - - Updated - - -

Thanks Sandra and Krisi. That post disappeared somehow.

[immindy]

Awesome to hear Julie . A little bit of stress to work through and then the fun and a closer relationship begins . I would suspect it will go well for you and your wife as she seems to be very open and wanting to communicate her concerns right off. My wife and I have a blast now but it took a few years for us to figure it all out . blessings to you !

[Julie MA]

As some expected, there has been a turn in my wife's acceptance. She is so concerned about where it leads and how it affects our marriage and kids, as do I. I seem to be answering the same questions over and over. I have told her I need to know what kind of boundaries she wants and I will explain what I would like in terms of an outlet for Julie to exist. I think we will get there, but it feels like Julie will be in the closet, again, and probably not seen or discussed with my wife. Ahem.

[Krisi]

Rather than asking her to set boundaries, I suggest that you set them yourself by your actions, not words. That switches the "power" from her to you.

Start out keeping things simple, then as she begins to accept the fact that you are a crossdresser, you can stretch the boundaries little by little. Don't think in terms of says or weeks, think in terms of months and years. Don't expect her attitude to change overnight.

Kids certainly change things and I would expect her to want to keep this part of you hidden from the kids.

[immindy]

Yes , it took several years for my wife and I to be where we are at now . I would suggest find out what she is comfortable with right now and do that. If she becomes comfortable with some aspect of your cross dressing then make it fun for her too . Like maybe you wearing a frilly apron and telling her I got dinner tonight and make a nice meal for both of you ( if you can get away from the kids for a night ). My wife loves to go shopping with me when I am in girl mode as I always help her get cute things that look nice on her. So she went from being very uncomfortable being out with me as a girl to looking forward to it . Again this all took a few years . I wish you the best .

[Julie MA]

Mindy, I am with you on this. Pushing at this point will backfire, knowing my wife. I to am trying to let her know it can be fun, and that I am still the man she married. But I do need an outlet where Julie can exist.

[karrin]

Hooray for you Julie,best wishes to both of you. if only I had the strength to come right out to my wife.

[Bruce64]

I don't wear my Wife's Bra, I get my own, actually I am in a Red Bra mood these days and I do have plans to go to a store and try a few on and see which ones I'd like to buy.

[Billy]

I am 55 have crossdressed occasionally with pantyhose since a teenager. Recently my underwear is worn and is not comfortable. I decided to order panties to replace my underwear and pantyhose. I ordered some for my wife also because there were special deals if you buy 2. Recently I decided that I want to crossdress. A few days ago I put on a pair of panties, pantyhose, dress and went shopping at Savers. Next day I told my wife I want to crossdress.

[Tomara]

Hi Julie ,

I think going to a couples therapist could be a huge help for both of you, don't give up, it'll take time, understanding and a whole lot of communication.
Best of luck to you both and happy holidays to you .

[Kiwi Primrose]

Congratulations and it looks like 2017 will be a good year for you. A wife who understands you is worth her weight in gold (or lingerie!!).

[mona lisa]

Well, I did it. I was half joking about asking her for her old bra. My intent was a way to tell her about Julie.

We sat down to dinner, and my heart was racing, and I was occasionally gasping for air. She noticed. I thought it would take a few beers, but pretty quickly I said I had something to tell her that might be a little shocking. Ashen stare back at me. I started by assuring her I am not gay, wasn't leaving her, and wasn't cheating on her. A releived little smile now. I explained that as a bisexual, which I told her before marriage, this may not be all that hard to believe. She has also said that I put on a tough exterior but knows I am a real softy. I said that I like to wear women's clothes sometimes. She gave me the biggest smile, squeezed my arm, and said that perfectly OK. Phew! What a dream. What a wife. Of course now it sinks in and the expected questions come. Do I want to trans? How often? When did it start? Have you been out? Etc. All good discussions and I haven't felt that close to her in years. Some emotion set in. Concern about the extent. Where it leads. What about the kids... More good. We shopped for gifts together with short discussions here and there and reassurances on both sides. I even pointed out a dress I liked. At home now and wouldnt you know the Snickers commercial with Willem DeFoe dressed as Marilyn Monroe, and the Big Bang Theory episode where the lose a bet and have to dress up as female super heroes came on. Inside laughs. But she was now exhausted and we went to bed, hugging each other to sleep. In the morning we did something we haven't done in 7 months. And clothes were not involved. I love my wife!

By removing all the more serious issues from the discussion first, it made your admission come off as so minor by comparison...I must say, you set that up perfectly.

[Julie MA]

Mona Lisa, yes, it has gone well since. I knew what she would worry about, and the biggest thing is trust. The more I tell her, the more she trusts me, and the more comfortable I get with telling her more, and so the healthy cycle continues. Julie

[StephanieM]

Well, I did it. I was half joking about asking her for her old bra. My intent was a way to tell her about Julie.

We sat down to dinner, and my heart was racing, and I was occasionally gasping for air. She noticed. I thought it would take a few beers, but pretty quickly I said I had something to tell her that might be a little shocking. Ashen stare back at me. I started by assuring her I am not gay, wasn't leaving her, and wasn't cheating on her. A releived little smile now. I explained that as a bisexual, which I told her before marriage, this may not be all that hard to believe. She has also said that I put on a tough exterior but knows I am a real softy. I said that I like to wear women's clothes sometimes. She gave me the biggest smile, squeezed my arm, and said that perfectly OK. Phew! What a dream. What a wife. Of course now it sinks in and the expected questions come. Do I want to trans? How often? When did it start? Have you been out? Etc. All good discussions and I haven't felt that close to her in years. Some emotion set in. Concern about the extent. Where it leads. What about the kids... More good. We shopped for gifts together with short discussions here and there and reassurances on both sides. I even pointed out a dress I liked. At home now and wouldnt you know the Snickers commercial with Willem DeFoe dressed as Marilyn Monroe, and the Big Bang Theory episode where the lose a bet and have to dress up as female super heroes came on. Inside laughs. But she was now exhausted and we went to bed, hugging each other to sleep. In the morning we did something we haven't done in 7 months. And clothes were not involved. I love my wife!

Actually sometimes a little humor breaks the ice.

My wife knows about my "hobby" and is quite supportive, she even dug out some old dresses of hers and let me have them.
It all started when we first moved in together and it was only when she was doing laundry that she realized my undies were "Hanes her way". She just thought up to that time that I was wearing stylish undies for men. Awhile later she had brought home a nightie for her to wear I tried it on and I came clean that I did in fact enjoy wearing nighties, she took me nightie shopping a couple days later. For years wearing the nighties was enough but recently I've gained an interest in dresses, pantyhose etc. and she continues to be supportive. It's really nice having a SO that can deal with a man with a feminine side and can contribute and have fun with it.

[AKADonna]

Julie: I'm happy for you that your wife was so understanding. I had taken a different route, concealing my interests until, one day, I was called away form my laptop and left this site up and showing. She saw my posts and when I returned, she wanted to know "what's up with this!" It turns out that she was really, really angry! Not about my CDing, but about the fact that I had hidden it from her for so long. I've now learned that there are 3 things that women severely dislike. 1) not confiding in them. 2) wearing their clothes. and 3) masturbating. I found out all 3 the hard way and now I get to dress in my lingerie each day while she is at work (I'm retired). I have to shop for my own lingerie and also have to wear a chastity cage to prevent wanking. A word to the wise!