The Irony of CD

[Julie MA]

I realized that the world has many of us hiding our CDing because it doesn't value femininity as much as we do

[Dana44]

Perhaps, but many of us are out and about. But we do find our femininity is good.

[Zooey]

I realized that the world has many of us hiding our CDing because it doesn't value femininity as much as we do

Can you define what femininity means to you in this context?

[Julie MA]

To me it's all things feminine, from physical things, to emotional things, to clothing. Many folks in our world presume masculine to be superior to feminine, even though each has its own value and place in various situations if life. The irony to me is that most CDers value, understand and appreciate femininity more than most, but are often forced, or choose to, hide it because of others value it less.

[Jenniferathome]

The "world" isn't doing anything to us. WE make
our own choices.

[reb.femme]

I hear what you are saying Julie, but I'm with Jennifer on this. Get your girl on and live life it as it appears before us.

I'm a common, all-garden CD and I love living my femme life and to hell with the rest. I found my own happiness by dressing as and when I will and getting out amongst the great British public. I've been working in different cities and towns around Britain, a reason I've not been around for a while and just getting on with it. I carry more girl kit than male when away working and really wish I could work as female me.

The days of needing the approval of my fellow man or women are well behind me, only because I got out there and faced the world.

Becky

[Tracii G]

I don't see any irony here.
Your world is what YOU make it.

[Julie MA]

Hmmm... Didn't get my point right I guess. I'm saying that CDers, who value femininity greatly, are often the ones who suffer the most for that appreciation. To me that is ironic.

[Christina D]

Many folks in our world presume masculine to be superior to feminine, even though each has its own value and place in various situations if life. The irony to me is that most CDers value, understand and appreciate femininity more than most, but are often forced, or choose to, hide it because of others value it less.

I think Julie makes a good point here. In our society, femininity is so often associated with weakness, passivity, and submisiveness while masculinity is associated with strength (not just physical) and dominance. As a result, I'm sure there are those who are confounded by the idea that a man would "give up" his ability to be dominant. The irony, as I believe Julie is suggesting, is that when when we crossdress, we find strength and power in it.

[Julie MA]

No Doubt!

[Tracii G]

OK with that explanation I see your point.
I am different I guess because I feel more female than male and female just feels normal to me.
I need to remember that a lot of you live double lives in the real world. Me I am this way all the time

[deebra]

Jennifer is right, we just fear embarassment and humiliation.

[Julie MA]

I agree with all of these perspectives. I was just pointing out one of them

[CynthiaD]

I've never been able to figure out the "male superiority" thing. I grew up in the 1950's, when there were all sorts of "women can't do this" rules. Even as a child, they all seemed like pure nonsense to me. For example, when I was a child, most women didn't know how to drive. ????? Driving is (or was) a "male thing"? You've got to be kidding!

There's still some of that sort of thing around today, but not nearly as much. Thank goodness for a group like this, of people who can see the truth.

[Stephanie47]

Hmmm... Didn't get my point right I guess. I'm saying that CDers, who value femininity greatly, are often the ones who suffer the most for that appreciation. To me that is ironic.

Well, having read many many posts over the years I'd say there are some who may be wearing dresses but act like self absorbed men in a dress. Or maybe they act like two women in a cat fight. To me femininity has nothing to do with the clothes women wear. Ever wonder how an obese woman in baggy sweats has a decent looking guy holding her hand and each have a smile on their face?

[sometimes_miss]

I realized that the world has many of us hiding our CDing because it doesn't value femininity as much as we do
Thats not it. The world wants men to behave and accept the responsibilities that come with being men. Anything that doesn't appear to support that desire, is forbidden. You know, like dressing or behaving like women.

[Teresa]

Julie,
I see your point , to show femininity we have to suppress our masculinity, in doing so we are presenting ourselves in a different and unexpected light to the World, maybe we try too hard to and overdo the feminine aspect, so we feel women appear to play it down. Most of them probably have busier lives than ours so they are just getting on with it, maybe as CDers we sit and analyse it too much .

Once you have gone out there and just done it that particular fear or irony goes away . Getting over that hurdle is a wonderful feeling, instead of fearing what people think you can begin to work on your look, choose your own style and hone your skills.

[Ashley090]

As it has been said, world does expect that men behave and look as men but when he express even little bit his feminine side then red lights and sirens start. Society dont get that not all men want act and dress rough, manly, dominant, smell like sport star and want own the world. If you are men and dont bent to will of constructed gender roles then you ll be labeled as "wierd". But what I think? F the society and F their opinion, F what they think. Everyday I do fight this fear, building barricade between my not-so-manly life and the society´s opinion on myself so I can then live in piece.

[ClosetED]

I fully agree that we value femininity and society currently still greatly disapproves of things close to but not matching, what we have learned as we have grown up in our communities, as 'norms'. While ignoring those norms may be desireable, it is much easier with a supportive SO. Even those who do have support at home, run the risk out in public. I was physically attacked for being Jewish while in college in Boston and had my glasses tossed onto the train tracks. Others here have reported also being attacked for being crossdressed in pubic. So we need to decide how safe we feel at home and in public and weigh the risks to display ourselves en femme. With no support, that is dangerous, so we do make our own choices and until society is more tolerant (and seems to be improving) some chose, what appears to them based on their own assessment of their environment, to stay in the closet.
Hugs, Ellen

[Krisi]

Some societies and some religions don't value femininity or females as much as western society but I don't think that has anything to do with us hiding our crossdressing.

I think we hide our crossdressing because most of the population thinks it's sick (mentally) for men to strap on a pair of (fake) boobs and a wig and prance around in women's clothes.

We want our friends and employers to think we are normal so we hide our dressing.

[Ashley090]

I wonder if ftm cders have same issues :)

[Jaylyn]

I value feminity, because I was taught love for ones wife by having two parents that loved each other to the max. My dad was the provider for every thing that mom could ever want. He worked hard to let my mom be the most feminine person she could be. It seemed to please him more to give her everything she desired even if he had to work the farm longer and harder to provide it. I really believe the love my parents had for each other gave me a sense of the highest regard for women as evidenced by my dad. He placed mom first even if he had to do with out. I learned to value the womanly attributes from growing up in this situation. Mom also taught me to respect and treat women with the highest regard. I feel that deep inside I have always had the highest desire and have wished many times that I was born female. ( maybe from watching my dad treat mom like a queen). I think this is where I learned the value of femininity. Maybe even some jealousy for it.

[Georgette_USA]

Ashley

Has anyone come across any real FtM CDs.

You have the FtM TG/TS. Debatable whether they consider it CD. All I know dress in men's cut women's clothes or wear men's clothes.

You have Drag Kings, but that is just for shows and stuff, like the Drag Queens.

Do know a few Butch Lesbians that sometimes dress very male looking. Similar to the TG/TS. Sometimes with suits and all. Not sure whether they think of themselves as CDs.

[Dana44]

Very good point Georgette. I don't define myself as a CD and really don't like that term. I am a transgender and a bit non binary, a gender fluid androgynous individual and even when I try to be male, I am pretty non binary as I have hair down my back, earrings and such. The naysayers that tell us we don't know what feminine traits we have are, they are full of BS, We are feminine as a male or a female. Yep a non-binary mess but what a nice mess. I would rather be me than one who looks badly at the world.