Ceera
12-24-2016, 12:05 AM
Ah, the holidays. Getting together with family members, most of whom I haven't seen for the last year. Most of whom have never seen me with pierced ears, or painted nails, or shaved arms...
I won't be in 'girly mode' for any of the family festivities, but my ears will have stud earrings and I'll have off-white acrylic nails, trimmed short and rounded... And I am more than a little terrified of what may happen this weekend.
The last time my sister visited my home, she made some observations about my feminine tells, but we didn't get around to 'the talk' and explaining where my head is at. The times since then when we saw each other, there were other priorities on our time, and I downplayed my fem side heavily. So it didn't come up.
I've been putting off talking to my sister (and my remaining family members) about my fem side, because she's had far too much other drama in her life lately, and because I've been waiting for us to complete the sale of our parents house, just in case things really blow up between us when she does find out. I need her good will so I can get my share of the money from selling the house. I really don't think she will treat me badly over my situation once she knows, but no sense in stirring up trouble. And also, I have avoided doing any fem things in her home town, and I live two hours away, so really, what I do with my personal life has little direct impact on her.
On the other hand, part of me really wants to get it over with, and allow her to get to know the 'big sister' she doesn't yet realize she has. I'd love to be done with the need to downplay my pretty nails when I visit her, and to downplay my other feminine aspects. We have a strong and loving relationship, and I am fairly certain it will survive her knowing that I am spending 25% to 50% of my time now as a female, and not as her big brother. She's never particularly spoken ill of LGBT folk, not even when one of my female cousins spent several years living with a lesbian Partner. And of her four kids, three have posted very pro-LGBTQ comments on facebook. (The fourth one hardly posts anything at all). My other cousins have also posted pro LGBTQ stuff. And I suspect, though I haven't confirmed it yet, that one of my other female cousins currently is living with a lady friend in a lesbian relationship.
Over all, my sister is the key for me. If I have her acceptance, I can accept whatever my remaining family members may feel about me. My parents and grandparents are all gone, so really, she is the only close relative I have left, other than my daughter who already knows and accepts me. My sister's husband will probably not like it, but frankly, we already dislike each other and I don't really care what he thinks of me. If it comes down to a DADT situation, and a request from her not to appear en-femme at family events, I can live with that. I don't plan at this time to transition fully.
Just going to play it by ear, I guess. If my sister takes me aside and asks, I'll tell her. If it doesn't come up, I'll wait until after the house sells, if I can. If anyone else asks, I won't lie, but I'll ask them to keep it confidential, until my sister and I have had our talk.
I won't be in 'girly mode' for any of the family festivities, but my ears will have stud earrings and I'll have off-white acrylic nails, trimmed short and rounded... And I am more than a little terrified of what may happen this weekend.
The last time my sister visited my home, she made some observations about my feminine tells, but we didn't get around to 'the talk' and explaining where my head is at. The times since then when we saw each other, there were other priorities on our time, and I downplayed my fem side heavily. So it didn't come up.
I've been putting off talking to my sister (and my remaining family members) about my fem side, because she's had far too much other drama in her life lately, and because I've been waiting for us to complete the sale of our parents house, just in case things really blow up between us when she does find out. I need her good will so I can get my share of the money from selling the house. I really don't think she will treat me badly over my situation once she knows, but no sense in stirring up trouble. And also, I have avoided doing any fem things in her home town, and I live two hours away, so really, what I do with my personal life has little direct impact on her.
On the other hand, part of me really wants to get it over with, and allow her to get to know the 'big sister' she doesn't yet realize she has. I'd love to be done with the need to downplay my pretty nails when I visit her, and to downplay my other feminine aspects. We have a strong and loving relationship, and I am fairly certain it will survive her knowing that I am spending 25% to 50% of my time now as a female, and not as her big brother. She's never particularly spoken ill of LGBT folk, not even when one of my female cousins spent several years living with a lesbian Partner. And of her four kids, three have posted very pro-LGBTQ comments on facebook. (The fourth one hardly posts anything at all). My other cousins have also posted pro LGBTQ stuff. And I suspect, though I haven't confirmed it yet, that one of my other female cousins currently is living with a lady friend in a lesbian relationship.
Over all, my sister is the key for me. If I have her acceptance, I can accept whatever my remaining family members may feel about me. My parents and grandparents are all gone, so really, she is the only close relative I have left, other than my daughter who already knows and accepts me. My sister's husband will probably not like it, but frankly, we already dislike each other and I don't really care what he thinks of me. If it comes down to a DADT situation, and a request from her not to appear en-femme at family events, I can live with that. I don't plan at this time to transition fully.
Just going to play it by ear, I guess. If my sister takes me aside and asks, I'll tell her. If it doesn't come up, I'll wait until after the house sells, if I can. If anyone else asks, I won't lie, but I'll ask them to keep it confidential, until my sister and I have had our talk.