Sick to my stomach.

[Emma Beth]

I have a lot to think about. So much on a subject that I feel sick to my stomach and I am truly scared.

Friday at work I was wrote up for something stupid. I had been doing this because of what the boss stated to me some time ago.

As I was being wrote up, I tried to apologize and explain that I had thought what I was doing was alright by him based on our conversation.

He looked me right in the face and told me a few things with an expression of pure hatred on his face.

One, no matter what I did, it wouldn't matter. I could get Lawyers or anyone I wanted and it wouldn't matter. Yes, he was threatening me.

Two, he flatly denied my words calling me a liar and as such I was an ENEMY. Yes; liar and enemy are his choice of words.

Three, he placed me on Probation until January of 2018. What that means is if I even put one toe in the wrong place it's an automatic three day suspension.

My gut is telling me that his treatment of me of late is motivated by my impending transition at work. As far as I know, I have not done anything job performance wise to warrant any of this.

I'm trying to not let this bother me. But, I keep feeling sick to my stomach. Mostly because I do not wish for this person to be anywhere near me at all out of fear.

On the bright side. I will be looking into what my options are at this point.

First, I have someone with experience with something like this in my Family I can talk to for advice.

If anyone has any suggestions, I would greatly appreciate them. My biggest problem with this is I need to take action with the least impact on my Family. That means I can not afford to loose the money I do have coming in to take care of my part of the house hold as well as what I do need for my Transition.

[Nigella]

Oh hell Emma, this is not the time you need to find out that you have been mislead. I cannot offer advice because the laws etc which govern your employment are so different to ours.

I can, as will most of, if not all of, the ladies on this forum give you as much moral support as we can and I hope that you can get some good advice from those who can help you more than I can.

Hugs and in my thoughts :love:

[CarlaWestin]

I work in a similar environment that occasionally becomes caustic. But, I do have the resources of an understanding HR department and the added support of a shop steward. Find out where you stand about being threatened with your job as I do believe that is illegal. You may want to consider going over this person's head. A-hole managers really start to sweat when you start up their food chain. But certainly entertain the knowledge of someone that is well versed in such matters. And, just a thought, I keep the gender thing as a last resort but to survive until retirement, I wouldn't hesitate if it was a last resort.
Good luck to you. I've been there. Not fun.

[Heidi Stevens]

Take notes, Emma, lots of notes. Keep a journal on what happens everyday. Record actions, orders, requests, attitudes, reactions. Everything. If this is personal, you've at least got a record to fall back on. Your HR folks should have procedure to do this to protect yourself from poor management skills or even bullying by management. As for now, keep your nose clean and plot your defense. Stay calm and let this idiot hang himself. Good luck!

[LeaP]

You're being worked out. If you have an employee relations dept, get them engaged to keep things as above board as possible, but it probably won't change anything. If you can work out a transfer, try for that.

[Hell on Heels]

Hell-o Emma,
If I were you, any future meetings with your boss should be
conducted with someone else present.

I'm by no means familiar with any of this stuff, but...
Federal laws are in place to protect you...
https://www.eeoc.gov/eeoc/newsroom/wysk/enforcement_protections_lgbt_workers.cfm
Best of luck.
Much Love,
Kristyn

[Emma Beth]

Thanks every one that has chimed in so far.

Know this, I have had similar situations to this. But not anywhere near to this degree of hostility. I would like to figure out how to get him out of this location and into the Whitfield Mental Health Facilities (State Mental Facility), which is just down the road. I think my own emotions are on high from the hormones at the moment and that isn't helping matters on my end.

Seriously, I'm having a hard enough time dealing with my own holiday blahs and blues as it is. I don't need any of this at all from work.

On a less serious related note. I really love my youngest Nephew. He works at the same place I do. That day he could tell I was rather upset all day. When we were about to hop onto my bike and go home for the day because we both worked the same shift that day for a change; he threatened to place plastic wrap on the seat of the toilet of the person that ruined my day that day. The look on his face after I told him what happened at home was priceless. I told my Nephew that he doesn't need to do that, but his simple thought of standing up for his Aunt helped just a little.

[Krisi]

Without knowing exactly what happened at work, what sort of place you work at and your past history at the workplace, it's impossible to say anything helpful. We have just your side of the story, not your boss's side. Your statement that "I would like to figure out how to get him out of this location and into the Whitfield Mental Health Facilities (State Mental Facility), which is just down the road." doesn't help your case.

Remember, a "job" is an opportunity, not a God given right. It's an opportunity for you to earn money for performing a task for someone else. I suggest you do your very best to do what you are supposed to do, the way you are supposed to do it and do your best to fit in and not cause trouble. Jobs are not always fun and even in the most pleasant jobs, there will be times when you want to complain or walk out. If you want to keep your job, you sometimes have to adjust your expectations.

[Vickie_CDTV]

I'd start looking for another job just in case. It is far easier to find a job while you still have one then after you lose the existing once, especially if you are unemployed for a while. Take it from someone who was once in a similar position. I wish I had started looking for a job when things started getting bad, rather than just try to just hold on and hope it would work out.

This is especially true if you are in an "at will" state, where you can be fired for any reason, and for none at all.

[Krisi]

Looking for another job may be a good choice at this point. Sometimes things have gotten bad enough that they cannot be fixed. On the other hand, prospective employers look at a history of bouncing from one job to another as a sign of a potential problem employee. You have to decide what will work best for you.

[Starling]

While your job advice might be useful in a general sense, Krisi, we have no indication that Emma Beth is a bad employee, even by your lights. It seems that her boss has an enmity toward her based on her gender situation, and that there is no way for her to make him happy. So despite the fact that we are hearing only Emma Beth's side of the story, I think we are getting a pretty clear picture of the situation. And to be candid, don't we always hear only one account and trust that our forum member is trying to be honest and accurate.

:) Lallie

[donnalee]

Unfortunately I've been in similar situations in a state that is supposedly the best protected in the country. Document everything and go limp on them as much as possible. If there is a union, go to them and describe what has happened, not what you think the reason is; if no union, contact HR and a labor attorney at least to let them know there is a problem. ASAP. If what I think is going on is, they are looking for any excuse to fire you and it very likely comes from upstairs; how far upstairs is a good question. Take nothing for granted and be very careful what you say and do. From your post it looks like this comes as a total surprise to you; from now on keep a careful watch on what goes on in your department and try to enlist an ear upstairs (secretaries are a good source, but be careful you don't enlist a double agent).
Don't explain when challenged, but ask them what you should have done instead. Have a witness to any of these conversations or if you can't find anyone to trust, record the conversation and inform your boss that the conversation is being recorded; tell them it's so you don't forget what they said.
Protect yourself. They are obviously trying to get rid of you by other means. Fight them, don't let them do this to you; it'll make it easier for the next person. Even if they win, make it a Pyrrhic victory. Never give an inch.

[Krisi]

If everyone has decided that Emma's boss is picking on her because she is a transsexual, I have nothing more to add. Somehow, I have a hard time believing this is because she is a transsexual because if she is otherwise a good employee, they wouldn't be giving her a hard time. Good employees are hard to find.

[Pat]

Krisi, everyone has decided to believe what Emma said. Not sure why your default is to disbelieve her, but what's the purpose of that? If someone asks advice and states the situation they are facing, a normal person accepts the statement of facts and bases their advice on that. They don't start disputing the facts. In some places, being transgender is, by itself, considered not being a good employee even if all other aspects of their behavior and performance is flawless. Closeted folks like yourself understand this intuitively, that's why you hide. Out people have to face it head-on.

[Krisi]

Again, we are hearing only one side of the story. I have been around long enough to know that every story has two, sometimes three sides. People here are giving Emma advice on getting a lawyer, going to HR, etc. without knowing the entire situation. I worked for over 40 years and I've seen a lot of situations. I've been a supervisor and I've seen very good and very bad employees.

My "default" is to know both sides of the story before taking one side. If yours is not, that's fine, this is just a web forum, not an actual situation. An actual situation is far more complex than what has been presented here.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

you are simply one of the most effective troll masters i've encountered.... kudos to you...

you have an answer for everything but over your thousands of posts you consistently help the least...

i especially enjoy your incredible insight such as ""an actual situation is far more complex that what is presented here"... wow.... you dont get insight like that everywhere


my default is to call out jerks....

[Nigella]

Again, we are hearing only one side of the story. I have been around long enough to know that every story has two, sometimes three sides. People here are giving Emma advice on getting a lawyer, going to HR, etc. without knowing the entire situation. I worked for over 40 years and I've seen a lot of situations. I've been a supervisor and I've seen very good and very bad employees.

My "default" is to know both sides of the story before taking one side. If yours is not, that's fine, this is just a web forum, not an actual situation. An actual situation is far more complex than what has been presented here.

..

Well if your default" is to know both sides, what good is the advice you offer? Yes this is a web forum, we get to hear the side of the member, sometimes two if both parties are members.

We have had "imposters" post information which is meant to garner "support and sympathy" for them, but the majority of people who are on this side of the forum are genuine. They post their situation, yes their version of it, to get guidance on "possible" resources and advice from those who have lived and live the life.

Krisi, people like you who chose to hide their "other" life from the real world may have something to offer, however, in your case you have offered nothing but doubt. So how about you try living in the real world as Krisi, face the life we have to face, or keep council to yourself.

[jentay1367]

I'm not even remotely interested in what a crossdressing man thinks should be done in an instance such as Emma has presented. We're here to comfort each other and provide moral support as much as anything else. We can receive snide remarks and derision anywhere. This is our safe place....or at least it's supposed to be. The inference that no one would fire someone simply for being TS is naive at its best and beyond arrogant at its worst.

[PretzelGirl]

Thank you Lisa and Nigella!

I want to echo part of Lisa's statement. If you aren't employed as a transitioned, transexual man or woman, you are speaking out of your nether regions if you think you get it. It is one thing to hypothesize "Oh, if I was a supervisor of a transexual...." and actually be that person going through the experience. As I say often here, if you haven't personally been down the road of others, you should be listening instead of doling out "informed" advice.

[Emma Beth]

I'm going to chime in some more details about me on the job to help Krisi.

I have been working for this company for going on fifteen years. I transferred from out of state about two years ago to where I am right now. It was a lateral transfer.

I will admit that I may not be a perfect employee. But, I do my best in everything I do and there is a reason I have been with the company for those fifteen years. Up until things seem to have gotten strained, I got nothing but compliments for the job I do. From him none the less.

Before I went on vacation at the beginning of this month, I sat down with one of our managers and our HR Rep to discuss my transition at work. My plan was to have it coincide with my legal name change.

My last day before I went on vacation, I had helped get our department into the shape it needed to be in.

While I was on vacation, things went to hell. All the backstock I pushed to get under control was back. When I left, all everyone in the department had to do was just keep up with out truck deliveries and edit our orders to keep it under control. They only had the next truck of stock and one single dolly of freight to begin with. It was not a lot of freight to keep up with.

While I was on vacation, the orders did not get edited twice because the other person in the department that helped make sure the orders got edited besides me was off and the others "forgot" to edit them. That would be our department head and his backup/assistant.

As a result, the two in charge of the department go their butts handed to them on a platter.

Since then, things have been going down hill and suddenly I'm in the cross hairs for doing my job as expected. With the claim of 'wasting company time". When I'm doing my job well beyond company standards.

I hope that gives some clarification.

As far as honesty goes, I have spend a lot of my life telling myself lies to cope with this GD. Now that I can be honest with myself in the most brutal way, I will be nothing but honest with others in everything I do. I'm not saying this to try to convince anyone. I'm only trying to be as clear as possible to anyone that might think they might need more to go on.

Edit: I have an Aunt that used to work for the Detroit PD. She was harassed and she won her case. I spoke with her and gave her all the information I had and she suggested I follow the Company grievance process. I was also informed by another employee that I trust, that if I do that they will retaliate and make my life a living hell. What I plan to do is if they do retaliate, I will file appropriate grievances to establish a pattern of harassment just in case I need to take this to Lawyers and file a law suit.

I'm using the simple concept of using the least amount of force to accomplish the goal.

My comment about wishing someone would put him in the State mental hospital was nothing more than harmless venting.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Bottom Line Emma is that you are doing great given the circumstances...things outside your control have gone against you recently but you can just keep going

As you evaluate options its clear you have your head on straight.

[jentay1367]

Yup, what Kaitlyn said. ...you don't owe any of us explanation. Keep at it girl. Be smart, proactive and aware. It's your first line of defense. Document EVERYTHING. What will be, will be. Keep us in the loop. Lisa

[arbon]

I have a hard time believing this is because she is a transsexual because if she is otherwise a good employee, they wouldn't be giving her a hard time. Good employees are hard to find.

Early in transition when my employer became hostile I asked my boss 'I've always done a good job for you haven't I?" and he said yes I had always been a good employee, he had no complaints, but said he still wanted me gone and he put a lot of effort into trying to make me quit over the next couple of years.

[Kate T]

Sometimes stuff goes pear shaped at work.

Do you have an advocate at work?? Do you want to stay in your job?? I think you need an advocate. Rather than escalate confrontationally it may be best to approach your HR department and see if they can mediate a solution / reconciliation.

One thing I will say though. Wishing someone to go to a mental hospital is no more harmless venting than the myriad of ignorant fools on the internet who believe we should be admitted to mental institutions because according to them clearly anyone who is trans must be insane. Retaliating in kind to that sort of ignorance helps no one and escalates rather than educates.

Best of luck with sorting this out Emma

[Nicole Erin]

Even if you did lose that job...
You had a job before you went there and you will have another one when you leave.
People in general always act like jobs are so scarce yet everyone who actually wants to find work eventually does.

I guess the only real question is what would you really be losing?

Oh and about turnover, This present manager will not be around long anyways. Management turnover is just as bad, if not worse, than employee turnover at most places.
Any given place i have worked - managers last an average of about 15 months. I wonder if that is a national average? The point is, this creep won't be there much longer anyways.

[Emma Beth]

Erin, thank you for bringing that up.

I have been digging and learned a few things.

One thing I found out is that the Managers do get rotated around the different stores in this division. He has been in this store longer than normal.

Also, I have had something put on my plate that is a game changer for me. I'm not going into this simply because I need to wait for some other details to come my way, or events to come to fruition.

As such, I have decided to leave things where they are at; here it is.

I have talked with my Union Representative and they have the information, but I asked for them to not file a grievance.

I have also done the same thing with Human Resources.

I have two separate sets of documentation of what is going on.

The reason I decided to not file a grievance is because I do not need for elevated retaliation from him, especially when he shouldn't be there much longer anyway.

Not to mention, with this new thing on my plate; I may not stay with the company for another couple of years anyway.

I will be in a situation that will allow me to be able to afford to pay out of pocket for my surgeries and really move along in my transition in ways that at the moment seem like I am limited in.

This new situation does have a few conditions that I need to wait and see what happens. But I am so much more hopeful for things in the New Year that I'm 99% sure they will happen.

For now, I refuse to let this person stain my life and continue to bloom and blossom.

[Nigella]

I think it is wise that you have made others within your organisation aware of the issues you are facing. If you made a formal grievance, would this "manager" seriously risk escalating the matter and risk his own career?

TBH though, only you can decide what is best for you in your situation. I hope that the other irons come out of the fire hot and ready for you :hugs:

[phylis anne]

Hi Emma ,
the first thing we were taught in military leadership is that if it was not doccumented then it did not happen , that was a good choice on your part to make 2 dept's aware of your situation I always keep 3 personal files on those that are under me ,verbal, write up and even more important the kudos file as I believe it is just as important a management tool as the former 2. as you are union my question here is is management union as well ? in many cases mamnagement is not part of the union picture, others have mentioned "at will" while there are 32 or so states in the us that are the at will rules are pretty consistant accross the states with exceptions state by state as needed to make the rules fit you have more rights than you know in those states if you do your homework ,I spent 10 years in denali natl. in risk management and got to learn a lot on these little areas ,stand your ground within reason, be the best at whatever it is you do there and communicate with the steward and hr don't give this guy the satisfaction

[Emma Beth]

Ok.

I did what I said I was going to do.

I talked both to HR and my Union Rep and made sure I had the situation on paper without taking action at this time.

Here's where I'm now confused.

The other day I was at work helping my Department Head with a task.

While we were working he turned to me and asked me if our Store Manager, the person I had the problem with, if he had talked to me about me moving up to back up. (Department Head back up)

??? No, not yet.

SO, it looks like I may be getting a promotion?

I have to wonder. Is this genuine because of my actual performance on the job, or is he trying to put me in a position to get rid of me easier.

I have to wonder because I'm hearing more and more reports of him bullying quite a few other employees over little things.

One person even sent an email to his immediate boss about all this and got their job threatened over it.

So, yet again I'm reassessing my situation and looking at what my options are at this point.

[Rianna Humble]

My best advice would be to talk it through with your union rep. Let's hope it is a genuine promotion.

[Acastina]

I just got around to following this thread. As a retired attorney, I have some perspective on this. I was fired in 1984, during my eight-year real-life experience, by a state agency that was not free to discriminate on any arbitrary basis. I sued and hung on to it for four years while I worked at the better job I soon found. They finally settled with me, which paid a lot of bills and gave me the satisfaction of knowing that they didn't get away with it completely.

What you describe in the first few posts is a classic hostile environment situation, in which a supervisor or (co-worker) harasses you or sabotages your efforts to be a good employee. If you've been with a relatively large company for 15 years, it's pretty likely that you're generally a good employee. Petty write-ups with abusive comments are a classic modus operandi in this context. The subtext of the hostility is an attempt to force you out, and phony or petty discipline is the pretext.

You're doing the right thing to keep your union and HR people in the loop without demanding action. They will have your back if push comes to shove. It's also prudent to see if the frequent-transfer policy removes the problem supervisor from your workplace without your having to take action. Painstaking documentation will serve you well if there is some kind of showdown.

The supervisor sounds like a throwback to times when bosses could bully people without consequences. Those days are rapidly fading. Exactly what the consequences might be today depends in part on where you live and work. Some states are more aggressive than others in protecting LGBT workers from discrimination, but the federal agencies have become much more responsive in viewing anti-trans hostile-environment abuse as sex discrimination under 50-year-old civil rights laws.

Hang in there, do your job well, and keep a journal of everything, everything.

Good luck.

[GaleWarning]

If I were you, I would file a grievance.
It's the only way he will stop his nonsense.

[Nicole Erin]

...The other day I was at work helping my Department Head with a task.
While we were working he turned to me and asked me if our Store Manager, the person I had the problem with, if he had talked to me about me moving up to back up. (Department Head back up)

SO, it looks like I may be getting a promotion?
I have to wonder. Is this genuine because of my actual performance on the job, or is he trying to put me in a position to get rid of me easier.
I have to wonder because I'm hearing more and more reports of him bullying quite a few other employees over little things.
One person even sent an email to his immediate boss about all this and got their job threatened over it.


People tend to act the same wherever they go. This guy probably has a history of acting this way.
Plus you said he is giving others a hard time over small things? That tells me that he is probably not making any special effort in your case. Plus, I could be wrong but i would assume it is unlikely that they would go thru the trouble of promoting you if they just planned on getting rid of you soon. It will cost them at least something to train and prepare you for a new position.

Whoever is over your manager is likely already aware there is a problem. What the upper managers are probably doing is giving this guy enough rope to hang himself. You know how that goes - someone seems to be getting away with murder but then one day they are just out the door.

As far as reporting him - YOU might be afraid because with your transition, it puts you in an awkward spot of "Am I protected? What are the GLBT laws? CAN they just fire me for that?" However, the others that he is bullying do not have that looming over their heads. They are not as worried about being fired. EVERYone thinks they are gonna be fired because of what makes them different. However, someone will or has reported him. It is probably not the first time.

All this is mostly speculation of course. I do not think you have AS much to worry about as you think. Unless you have a history of several small incidents or do something serious like fighting, stealing, or major safety violations they are not likely to just say, "Ok, you are gone".

Companies do not want to risk a law suit any more than someone wants to get fired for no good reason.

[Stephanie47]

First, it is best to keep your union and the HR section in the loop as to what is going on. Due to privacy concerns there may be information related to your situation you are privy to. And, there may be a history of bad acts on his part you're not privy to. One of the issues that always seem to crop up is the timing. The question seems to always be, "If the situation was so bad, why did you not do something before?"

Secondly, maintain a contemporaneous record of exactly what is occurring; time, date, witnesses, everything. I was a federal investigator for over thirty years. It was my job and those who I worked with to keep contemporaneous records of conversations. If and when any of us had to testify in a court of law there it was down on paper and recorded in a timely manner. Such testimony cannot be just blown off by the courts. Recollections of what may or may not have happened really don't go far in court.

[Emma Beth]

I got some good news today in regards to my entire situation.

Number one, I haven't heard anything official. But, it looks like I may have that promotion after all. It seems that I may have been the most qualified for the position out of everyone that showed interest. The frustrating part is waiting for official word, the pay raise, and any "paperwork" to be completed by Management.

Second, I received word from a rather reliable source today that he will be transferring to another location some time soon. I think by Summer. Personally, I'm hoping sooner.

My source stated that there have been a lot, and I mean A LOT, of complaints on him and the Manager at the location he will be transferred to is leaving the Company.

[Aunt Kelly]

Sounds like good new in the offing. I don't want to jinx you, but I have to say, well played, Emma. Good luck on the home stretch.

Hugs,


Kelly

[Contessa]

I don't know anything. I do know I transitioned at work. I didn't do anything wrong I thought. I finished my last few years at work where everyone knew me as Contessa, though that was not my legal name. And it still isn't. The last job I got and quit I got as myself. My question for you is what is the company policy for transitioning. I would think that they either believe that this could happen or had/has already happened. Many companies set policy as to whether they would allow someone to transition at work. I worked for the school district in a major city and at a high school. My immediate supervisor didn't like it but all the principals were okay with me. So transitioning does happen. I went to work one day dressed. And ended up transitioning. Don't fear you will be the person you say you are afraid of. Go to HR and get answers, if there is upper management elsewhere think about contacting them. We do exist I am a sure example of that. I will be around for the rest of my life. No no one should give you advice cause if you do something and are fired for it or you think so. You will blame that person. You use the info as you wish. I do not seek to have you harmed in anyway. You are my sister, I do ask that you make good decisions and not let others make decisions for you. Work should be a happy hapless environment. Go to work and smile because what you will be going though will be hard enough.

Your sister