What to do, I'm confused?

[Dinsdale]

I am engaged to a lovely woman , whom I love very much .
She knows about my crossdressing and fully accepts it , as I was upfront when we first dated.
The problem I have , is I will marry her in 2017, but I find myself being very attracted to Pre op transsexuals. I have always admired their strength ad determination to transition to the women they want to be, but now I feel sexually attracted to them.
I have never acted on this desire.
Is this just a fantasy?
I acknowledge I am possibly bisexual, but that's no big deal.
Should I dismiss these thoughts or put off the wedding , until I work through this confusion?
If I do , I would ensure I am upfront with my fiancée.
I love her and don't want to hurt her , but I can't help my desire.
Would love to hear your thoughts.

[Rachael Leigh]

I would first discuss these feelings with her, you have already been honest about your dressing. I don't think you would want this to be an issue after marriage if you think this could be a problem. If your going to be married it's best not to hide
such things

[Pat]

I'm curious -- do you know any pre-op transsexuals? Or Is your only reason for being attracted to them seeing pictures on the internet? If the latter, then I'm pretty confident that you're not attracted to Pre-op TS's but to an imaginary construct you've built in your mind. It's pretty common. It's not something you want to derail your life over.

[TrishaLake]

I only have two things for you, be open with your lady and just a note , what you see in porn is not real life:)

[immindy]

Nope, I wouldn't discuss your attraction to anyone else with her, let alone a preop transsexual , I am attracted to all kinds of people but am committed to my wife . Marriage is a choice and a commitment . The only question you should have is " are you committed to her ? " . If so marry her, if not don't .

[Tracii G]

OK let me say this if you think you are "probably" bisexual but never acted on it then more than likely you aren't and its just a fantasy.
I'm assuming you have a porn addiction and a fetish for trans sexuals.
Do you know any pre op transsexuals personally?

[Christina D]

Something that's more important to consider here is when you say you're attracted to pre-op transsexuals, do you mean you are EXCLUSIVELY attracted to them? Or are you attracted to cisgendered women equally as much?

If it's the later, then I don't think you have anything to worry about. You can be attracted to any varrying types of people and still love your fiancé; it's not an all or nothing situation.

Now, if you ARE attracted to pre-op transsexuals only, that's a different story.

[jennifer0918]

Ok Jennie and Trisha TX in my opinion are the best advice based on your question. From my experience a lot of pre op transexuals are not accepting of us being crossdressers, and you have a great woman who accepts you for who you are! Don't ruin that! Does your fiancee know your bisexual? I say if your having doubts about getting married let her know now it sounds like you have an open relationship.Keep in mind a ts woman wants a "heterosexual "so they told me ...go figure

[docrobbysherry]

Dinsdale, it sounds to me that u r too young, inexperienced, and may still be sexually exploring to get hitched. What's the hurry? Why not wait until u both r SURE! U most likely have all the time in the world!:thumbsup:

Rushing into marriage often means u r probably rushing into divorce, too! Been there------:brolleyes:

[Nikkilovesdresses]

I do think it's a fantasy, because the definition of a pre-op TS is that it's a temporary state, which suggests that as soon as they transition fully you would no longer be attracted to them. If you said you'd met a pre-op TS who you found yourself drawn to based on personality rather than their pre-op state, that would be completely different.

You focus on the pre-op fantasy while dismissing your possible bisexuality as 'no big deal', but I would see the latter as a very big deal, just as big a deal as the other fantasies. You seem completely up in the air about your sexuality. Please don't think I'm judging you for the fantasies, plenty here have complicated sexualities and I'm bi myself, but I'm afraid that you owe it to your fiance to postpone the wedding, otherwise you certainly risk hurting her. You have to work through these feelings before you are ready to make such a huge commitment.

[Maria 60]

Sounds to me like your getting cold feet, but it's very hard to make an opinion without knowing you. I read alot here and it's hard to make a comment, I don't know if you are happy in your relationship or if you are happy in your relationship. I will be the first to admit, I'm a hedrosexual male and do not look at men to be attractive or do I want any sexual relationship. But when Maria is dressed and looking hot I feel as if I would like the attention of a man, but when I really think about it, I ask myself do I really want that. I'm a creation of my own fatacy, I dress like I would like to see women. If opportunity would happen I don't think I would even consider it, but as a thought maybe sure. I believe you have some serious thinking to do, if she really is the "one", it would be a shame to lose her. Let us know how it goes.

[Julie MA]

Lay all your cards on the table up front. Yes, you may lose her, but better now than later. I was up front with my then fiance about my bisexuality and experiences in that area. It was hard for her to accept but she did. That kept me from sharing my CD, which was only a tiny bud at the time. Now it is blooming, 20 yrs later. We have 16 years of marriage, that helps, but coming out just recently has been hard for her. Tell her everything before marriage. Yes, people, including you and I will change, and hopefully grow, but you owe it to her to be up front now. After all, think of all we, and you, share on this forum with virtual strangers. Your future wife deserves as much, and more

[Ally 2112]

I learned the hard way you have to be honest with your fiance and yourself about what you really truly want or need .Do this before you get hitched it will be a lot less painful and cheaper in the end

[Krisi]

I suggest not discussing this with your girlfriend unless you are ready to lose her. Say this now and even if she marries you, it will never go out of her mind.

This is something you must figure out for yourself but you seem to be weighing a possible fling with a pre-op transsexual against a lifelong relationship with the woman you love.

Think about this carefully. Your decision will affect the rest of your life.

[I Am Paula]

Just let a pre-op transexual chime in for a minute- I think you'd better let this stay a fantasy. As mentioned, pre-op is a transitory state. Most of the many, many girls I know are at their very least sexually active of their lives. Even those who were active as males have put that aside...waiting. The porn industry has manufactured an all new super-nympho that does not really exist. We are dealing with facial hair, legal matters, and coping with the muggles. Doesn't leave much time for being a sex crazed porn star.
You love your fiance. Do not tell her about fantasies that have very little chance of ever turning into anything else. Everyone has fantasies.

[BillieAnneJean]

DO NOT enter in to a marriage without being COMPLETELY honest with your future partner!!!!!!!

It is wrong to deceive even if the deciept is via omission as in hiding something.

How would you feel if you married her and later she told you something that might have been a deal breaker prior to the ceremony?

A deal breaker before the ceremony can be a nasty problem after the ceremony.

[paulaprimo]

i'm sure that this is weighting very heavy on your heart so no matter what you do
will not be an easy decision! as long as you are confused as you say, you are not ready
for marriage, as you are setting yourself up for disaster!
i would be totally open and honest with her and hopefully she will stand by you as you
work things out. she might be hurt but at least she will respect your honesty.
if she is hurt, i think its better that she's hurt now and not 2 years into your marriage
and going through an ugly divorce!
good luck and i wish you the very best!! :)

[I Am Paula]

I'm a little amazed and appalled at the responses. If you had a fantasy about sex with a unicorn, nobody here would be telling you to talk it over with your fiance. Casual sex with a pre-op is rarer than sex with a unicorn.
Just a heads up- Sex with a transexual does not make you bi. We are women.

[Micki_Finn]

Don't over-think this. A straight cis-man getting married is likely still attracted to other women. But in getting married he is choosing to forsake those others to whom he is attracted in order to devote himself to the person he cares for above all others. If that's how you feel abourt your fiancée then go ahead and get married. If you're wanting to actually explore a relationship with any other person beyond it just being a fantasy, then you really need to sit down and reevaluate your relationship and have a talk with your betrothed.

[sometimes_miss]

It's pre-wedding jitters. Whether you're straight, bisexual or homosexual, you're going to find people other than your mate attractive, and you WILL fantasize about them. Get used to it, that's not going to go away. In fact, for a whole lot of people, after a few years of marriage, you're primarily going to fantasize about people other than your mate. That's natural too.
NEVER TELL HER THAT. NEVER.
What's important, is that you know that. What's also important, is that as an adult, you have to realize that there will always be things you want to do, that you shouldn't, and have the strength of will to NOT do those things. As others have mentioned, fantasy and reality are two different things. There are sexual things that I fantasize about, have tried, and did not like at all. But that doesn't stop the fantasies from occuring.

So go ahead. Fantasize. But don't let it interfere with real life.

Oh, also. DON'T EVER TELL ANYONE ABOUT YOUR FANTASIES!

Very often, women will tell you they want to know what your sexual fantasies are; they do this with a warm comforting smile on their faces. This is a trick. What they want to hear, is not YOUR fantasies, but that YOUR fantasies are the very same as THEIR fantasies. This makes them feel closer to you, and it also makes them feel that you love them so very much that only they are the subject of your passion. Any other answer is the wrong answer. Trust me on this. No woman is going to be happy to hear that you wish to have an orgy with a group of midgets in skindiving outfits in a tub of jello. And the possibility of a woman being happy with her husband fantasizing about ANYONE other than her is virtually nil. If you want to know women's fantasies, read a few Harliquin romance books. Tell her that type of story is your fantasy. She'll be thrilled.

BTW, good luck in your marriage. Perhaps you'll be one of the few for which the 'happily ever after' becomes a real thing.

[I Am Paula]

Thank you sometimes miss. I was beginning to think there was no voice of reason here.

[IamWren]

Really, only you, with some introspection and self honesty can truly answer the questions you're asking. We can offer advice and perhaps intelligent, logical guesses as to what might be the best path for you AND your future spouse but that's all they are without truly knowing you or her.

Mindy's comment is sound advice though.

..... Marriage is a choice and a commitment. The only question you should have is " are you committed to her? " If so, marry her. if not. don't.

And Lexi's (Sometimes_Miss) is REALLY good advice as well.

wishing you the best.

[Julie MA]

I respect all opinions offered here, and believe they are provided with reason, from the offerors point of view and experience. But bisexuality and interest in transexuals are not imaginary fantasies. They are part of some of us, including myself. These parts, like cross-dressing, are better shared now than after marriage.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Back up and think about it so you don't end up hurting the young lady...:daydreaming:...

[Beverley Sims]

I would put any plans off for a while until you sort your desires and wants out.

Try and meet and intergrate with a few pre op transexuals, the familiarity with them may make your enthusiasm wane.

At the moment it may seem like a novelty, especially if it is a new feeling.

How many pre ops' do you know?

[Dinsdale]

Thank you all for your comments.
I appreciate the advice.
I do not personally know and pre op TS
Thinking about it and reading advice from all the great people on here, I think it is only a fantasy.
I thought about it, would I still be sexually attracted to a transsexual once she has completed gender reassignment? Probably no.
I think I would also be sexually attracted to passable transvestites, would I be attracted to them once they resumed dressing as a man? - No.
I strongly admire transsexuals who know they were born into the wrong body and take steps to to become the person they want to be.i think stronger focus on trans issues in the media , have highlighted this.
I am in my late forties and this would be my second marriage , but my attraction to pre op transsexuals have become stronger over my later years. Maybe this is due to porn being a lot more accessible?
If I look at porn it is only on Trans sites, I don't search straight or gay porn.
I dearly love my fiancée , and we have a great times together , and are very compatible with similar outlook on the world , but my sexual thoughts trouble me , in the fact I don't want to go down the marriage route , and hurting her if my desires are more than a fantasy.
Hope you all have a great new year

[Tracii G]

Please don't let trans porn addiction come between you and your lady.
Fantasies are fine but realizing its a fantasy and not reality is what you need to remember.

[I Am Paula]

Docrobbysherry. I've read your post for years, and this one is the first that made me say WTF are you talking about. Something about transwomen seeming femme, or not, and then it got even more out there.
I suspect alcohol was involved.

[Lorileah]

That is your opinion, Paula. But, not mine. Most T's, include a few that transitioned, didn't seem all that fem to me. However, I have met a number of T's that acted just as fem, or more so, than GG women I have known.




I have no idea what you are saying here but if you are saying what I think you are saying you better:hiding: because you are gonna catch a whole lotta flack

In RE OP: Your idea of a "pre-op" TS isn't real. Write down what you think you want, read it twice and burn the paper...never to be spoken again. I agree with Paula...you have a unicorn fantasy

[docrobbysherry]

I don't think u got what I meant. I didn't say it plainly. But, in trying to be politically correct my post ended up being uncomprehensable. I didn't intend to offend anyone. So, rather than possibly screw up again? I'll just say, "Happy New Year everyone!":drink:

[jennifer0918]

Look mate too much porn is not healthy, a lot of those actress on those porn sites are being exploited for the reason that some ts woman are not given the same opportunity like any other human being ,of a job,health care,and a livable wage.Many don't want to do porn but have no choice ,it's how they make a living.I look at trans woman for ideas on how to improve my femme look and not look at them as object of ultimate desire ,some are not into crossdressers and are not into bisexuals ask and they will tell you they want a heterosexual man married ..

[CherylFlint]

I’d say keep your feet planted on earth.
Figure out what’s important: most people become less selfish as they mature.
Good luck.

[Lana Mae]

IMHO You need to share all this with your lady and be totally honest! Best wishes going forward! Hugs Lana Mae

[mona lisa]

I am engaged to a lovely woman , whom I love very much .
She knows about my crossdressing and fully accepts it , as I was upfront when we first dated.
The problem I have , is I will marry her in 2017, but I find myself being very attracted to Pre op transsexuals. I have always admired their strength ad determination to transition to the women they want to be, but now I feel sexually attracted to them.
I have never acted on this desire.
Is this just a fantasy?
I acknowledge I am possibly bisexual, but that's no big deal.
Should I dismiss these thoughts or put off the wedding , until I work through this confusion?
If I do , I would ensure I am upfront with my fiancée.
I love her and don't want to hurt her , but I can't help my desire.
Would love to hear your thoughts.

A lot of folks on these threads would love to have a woman as understanding and acceptable as your fiancee is. Think long and hard about that before you ruin it by chasing some fleeting whim.

[Dinsdale]

Thanks all for your comments and advice,
I don't want to lose my fiancée as she means the world to me, I think I will keep this just a fantasy and keep it to myself.
I am very grateful that she has Such an open mind and allows me to dress freely at home ( no outside dressing ).
i am happy I also have the opportunity to discuss these things on this forum.
Cheers

[AllieSF]

You have gotten some very good advise so far. I will now offer mine. If your desires are bothering you, which you have said that they are twice in this thread, then your best source for a good opinion is from a therapist, not from us. We are giving you unprofessional opinions. If you are daydreaming, you do not need any help. However, the last thing you want to do is get into a long term committed relationship and then find that your once occasional fantasy is now a driving need. You cannot predict the future, so why not get some qualified help now from a professional just to make sure of what this desire really is. If you were not already in a committed relationship, I would recommend that you go out and try it a few times. If you want more, you have your answer, if it does nothing for you, maybe trying it has killed your fantasy. If you are still not sure, then just be realistic and know that you may need some help later in your married life to prevent or stop you from cheating on your partner. I do wish you the best of luck.