A Small Victory Towards My SO's Acceptance

[Christina D]

Another long story time from Christina!

So, to give a very breif back story, I started taking CDing seriously just over 1 month ago and told my girlfriend about it almost immediately, like 3 days after I started. She was very taken back (which I totally understand) and that first night after telling her was a very quiet one. The next day we talked a bit more, but I did get the impression that she wanted it to be a DADT situation.

A week or so later, I tried joking about it a bit to normalize the situation, but she didn't think it was very funny. She was getting ready for work one morning and dropped her concealer on the floor, causing it to shatter. "Well," I said, "You could borrow mine!" You could have heard a pin drop.

Fast forward to last night and we were visiting some friends, a male and female couple who are very involved in the local arts community, very intellectual, and liberal. We talked politics and religion the whole night, and gender came up frequently. I didn't say anything about my dressing or being gendefluid from my personal experience, but I did so hypothetically and theoretically. I should note that my girlfriend is very well informed on feminism, gender politics, LGBTQ issues, etc., so she was very engaged in the conversation and agreed with everything I was saying.

Well, early on in the 2 hour drive back home, she wanted to return to those ideas and talk about how what we were talking about applied to me and my CDing. We had a really great conversation, more than I could hope or want to relate word for word here, but the biggest step forward was near the end when we talked about the boundaries we'd both like to set.

I told her that at least for now, I wouldn't want to be dressed in front of her, which she agreed was for the best. I did ask her, however, if she would be ok with me hanging my growing female wardrobe in our closet next to my guys clothes. I told her how much I hated keeping everything pilled in grocery bags tucked away in various corners of our apartment, but I said, "I understand if even seeing my clothes on hangers would make it 'too real for you.'" Well, to my pleasant surprise, she said "Oh yeah, that's fine!" with no hesitation! :-D

So yeah, a small step forward, but at least now I feel like we're at a mutual agreement of boundaries. Like I said, I don't even like the idea or have a desire to be dressed in front of her, so really, this a great point where we're both satisfied and comfortable with the amount of transparency.

[DIANEF]

Sounds like progress Christina, especially so soon after telling your girlfriend. Happy for you.

[Maria 60]

Always better a step forward then one back.

[Julie MA]

That's great, Christina

[MirandaCD]

Very happy for you Christina, that is a great step.

[Abbey11]

That's great Christina, thanks for sharing

[TrishaLake]

good progress indeed, it was great for me too. I do think at some point you will want her to see you, its all part of being accepted. She might not want to , but I think you will want to

[Dana44]

Christina, that is a big step forward. If it has only been three months. Wow communicate with her and tell her what is going on with you. It might take a while but I bet that she will respond positively. She will likely wash your girly clothes and mine tells me when I have something to hang up or put socks and panties away. Well some men's underwear and socks also.

[Tracy Irving]

Congratulations on your girlfriend beginning to accept you:)

Like your girlfriend, my wife is very informed on feminism, gender politics, LGBTQ issues, etc. She is also very conservative. Yet, from the day I told her (before we were married), she has accepted me for who I am. Maybe I got lucky with not needing her to come around. My clothes are hanging in the closet and folded neatly in dresser drawers.

At least in your case and mine, it sounds like politics has absolutely nothing to do with it. Prisons, nuclear plants, low income housing, sex offenders, bowling alleys, cross dressing, etc... Regardless of the politics, you can find someone in favor of something on the list. Until it gets too close to home for them...

[suzanne]

Glad to know about your accomplishment. Perhaps there is hope that she will approach full acceptance of you. Best of luck going forward.

[Rogina B]

From my experiences,you should continue to talk this out ! You are a young,open minded couple and there is no reason to not discuss everything rather than you volunteering compromises...that stuff is for old couples !

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Christina:hugs:, Now that the ball is in her court just be careful and don't overwhelm her with this program...:daydreaming:...

[Carol]

Good luck, it seems you are on the right track.
I think this just goes to show that it doesn't matter from which walk of life you come from, whether you are academic or not, whatever political inclinations you might have, whether you have a financially comfortable background or not. We all are united by the same issues. When it comes down to it we all have to have the "conversation" at some point with our partners. It's just a matter of personal choice or circumstances whether it comes sooner or later.

[Christina D]

Thanks for the kind words and support as usual, everyone!

Trisha,
Oh, I don't doubt it one bit that I'll want to dress in front of her one day. I imagine I'll do it slowly though, like maybe wear feminine pajamas to bed with no wig, bra, makeup, or painted nails. That's the most comfortable I would feel as the next step as far as clothes are concerned.

Dana,
Actually, laundry was one of the last things we talked about, right after she said she had no problen with me hanging up Christina's clothes. We already throw our clothes in one basket and wash everything together (meaning my drab clothes), so I was hoping she'd be ok with me putting Christina's in too, to which she said OK. I hated having to keep Christina's dirty clothes hidden and then wash/dry them in secret when my girlfriend wasn't home. Waaaaay too stressful!

Tracy,
Yeah, that's what made the first uncomfortable night when I came out to her most upsetting for me. We're both in complete agreement about everything political and social justice, especially LGBTQ rights and issues. I had no preconceived notions that when I came out to her that she would jump up in joy and offer to give me a makeover right away, but I definitely didn't expect her to shut down on me like she did. The worst, most hurtfull thing she said was the next day when I (foolishly, I admit) saw her putting on her eyeshadow before work and asking. "Hey, I'm having a hard time with doing my eyeshadow. Can I watch how you do it?" Her response was a flat, "No. That's weird." It really hurt that she used that word, "weird."

Rogina,
I plan on talking about it more and encouraged her to ask me questions any time. I'm sure I'll have more to say when I start therapy in the new year. I don't mind the compromises though. I mean, aren't all relationships built on compromises? I don't think of compromises as a bad thing. I want her to be comfortable, so that means asking what her limits and needs are and then agreeing on a middle ground.

Blue Orchid,
That's good advice that I'll be sure to keep in mind. I try and be mindful of that already. In fact, after she said I could hang Christina's things in our closet, I said, "I'm gald you're ok with it as I say it now in theory, but if after hanging them up and actually seeing my clothes makes you uncomfortable, just tell me so and we'll figure something else out."

[Lucy23]

Congratulations on the progress! Wish you luck with more small steps :)

[tictac43]

Awesome!!! Happy for you Christina 😊

[bridget thronton]

You are doing well as a couple - hope it continues

[CherylFlint]

Look, there’s a LOT of girls out there that would love to have her man dress, I ought to know because I married one.
The way I did it was to tell her on the first date that I was a CD.
She had me come over to her apartment couple days later and I dressed in the bathroom. When I came out the first thing she said was, “Let me help you with your makeup.”
We’ve been married for almost 20 years.
I keep ‘Cheryl’s’ things in the second bedroom and when she wants me to dress she’ll layout what she wants me to wear.
The posts that I find interesting in this blog I have her read and she comments. She said your girl friend will either get it or she won’t and if she doesn’t move on.

[Lana Mae]

Small steps. Little by little. Congrats on the small(?) step! Best wishes moving forward! Hugs Lana Mae

[Rogina B]

Look, there’s a LOT of girls out there that would love to have her man dress, I ought to know because I married one.

The posts that I find interesting in this blog I have her read and she comments. She said your girl friend will either get it or she won’t and if she doesn’t move on.

I agree! That is why my previous post was about talking without a need to compromise..they aren't married..and aren't old !

[Gretchen_To_Be]

Congrats on progress! It took a while for us to reach our "detente" as well. Now I can dress in front of her, but she drew the line at makeup and wigs, which I have respected. Good luck as this evolves for both of you.

[mona lisa]

Congrats! :)

[Rogina B]

You have a great opportunity in Chicagoland...I suggest you join CGS and attend a gathering with your SO. It may change her mind as there are often other partners there that she can talk with.

[livefree83]

Christina, thank you for sharing. Be sure to take baby steps with her.

[Christina D]

Well, I have a big update! It's not directly related to my dressing or what our next steps are in that regard, BUT....

My girlfriend is now my fiancé! She proposed to me last night during New Years!

I'm ecstatic enough, of course, because I love her and want to spend the rest of our lives together, but I feel it's also a good sign of her acceptance and willingness to explore my gender identity with me for the long haul.

[DIANEF]

Christina, congratulations!! Hope you have a happy future together.

[alwayshave]

Christina, congratulations.

[Lisa Roberts]

Christina!! That's beautiful!!

[Tracy Irving]

Awesome news. Congratulations

[Aunt Kelly]

Positive step? I should say so! Congratulations to the both of you.


Hugs

Kelly

[raeleen]

Congrats on your engagement, Christina! And how awesome that she proposed to you. :)

Progress is progress, and I think small steps are really for the best, as they allow things to move along organically and for there to be easier readjustments. When things go in big leaps, that's when I think problems can occur as one person might experience an uh-oh moment when they see how big a jump has been made, and it's much more difficult to really actually adjust to the new normal.

And again, I can't believe how similar our experiences are. My SO is also a big LGBTQ supporter and very well-versed in feminist theory, etc. But when it came time to applying some of those theories within her own relationship, it was more of a challenge. It's been a bumpy road but we're slowly figuring things out together.

Look forward to hearing more good news from you!

Hugs,
Raeleen