Do you "NEED" to dress or just "WANT" to dress?

[Judy-Somthing]

Last year I told my wife I had an interest in wearing dresses and it didn't go well so I kept my desires to myself.
A few weeks ago my wife found my sz.13 heels <http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?245913-I-got-caught!&highlight=>

She seems to be getting over the initial shock. She hasn't asked me if I'll continue to dress or want to. She's probably afraid of what my answer might be.

I noticed in the past that when the Pink Fog hits I'll get cranky/bitchie if I don't dress.

Do I need to dress or just want to dress? Can I substitute something in it's place?

It's just so much dam fun!

[jennigrace]

I NEED to dress. Every time I try to put it aside it comes back.. I started at about age 6 or 7 and it has never gone away.

[Mark B]

I am just a "WANT" to dress. I only feel I need to dress is when I get something new.

[Billy]

Food, water, and shelter are needs. Semantics would need to be exercised to classify crossdressing as a need.

[Jolene Robertson]

I'd like to say "just want" as others have said needs are Food, Water, Shelter and companionship. But strong desires are "needs" and sometimes it is a Need.. I can go for months sometimes and not think about it "too much" but then the "need" hits, been this way since I can remember at least since I was 10 or 11.

[Elizabeth G]

I'll quote another member here from a similar thread not long ago "I wouldn't want to if I didn't need to".

[SherriePall]

Semantics aside, I feel it is a need.
I was married for nearly 25 years before I spilled the beans to my wife.
A few days later, after she calmed down and stopped crying, she told me that it explained why I went through bouts of "crankiness" and depression (Nothing really serious, just didn't want to do anything because I really. really needed to put on a skirt or dress or whatever.)
My demeanor is much better now because I have more opportunities to doll it up.

[alwayshave]

I need to dress. The feeling is always there.

[Lucy Lou]

I have always loved to dress. If I stop for a while the desire starts to build up in me and gets to a point where I can't stand it anymore, so I just do it. Then I feel so much better. It is almost like I feel real again. After years of fighting with myself, something many others have probably experienced too, I realised that I need to dress and I always will. Those times when it has been a while, and I get the chance, the feeling inside, the happiness, the exultation and the overwhelming sense of gladness that I am wearing what I want, makes it totally evident to me that it is something I have to do. I will never stop and over the last few years it has become so much more regular and that makes me feel good. I feel so comfortable being dressed and everything about it I absolutely love. The lingerie, the heels, the dress, the jewellery, the perfume, the wig and the makeup make me feel 100% right. A great feeling. I would do it every single day if I could, but I can't. I do get some weeks when I can dress four or five days in a row and those are good weeks and I wouldn't change that or stop for the world. So, to sum up. I need to dress and do. End of. Lucy Lou xx

- - - Updated - - -

With me too. Lucy Lou

[Pat]

I noticed in the past that when the Pink Fog hits I'll get cranky/bitchie if I don't dress.

Do I need to dress or just want to dress?

Seems like you answered it yourself. You get cranky if you don't dress. So it's a need. Maybe not a capital-N need -- it's not like you'll die if you don't, but you won't be happy with yourself and you will be miserable to the people around you, so everyone benefits if you dress. Presumably after you dress you're no longer cranky? It's a need.

[Micki_Finn]

"Need" isn't an independent state. Need is always accompanied by a goal. You NEED air water and food to survive. Some people might NEED to dress to maintain their sanity. So saying some things are needs and others are not would really be semantically incorrect without an objective goal.

[CarlaWestin]

I'm certainly in the 'want to dress' camp. For years I've carried the identifier (albeit internally) that I'm transgender and need to dress but, as I've discovered recently, I'm just a straight and not necessarily narrow male with a focus on getting things done. The crossdressing is an amazingly fulfilling pastime that is rewarding like nothing else. And, I hate to give anything the prominence of 'have to'. There's just too many unappealing things in life in the 'have to' category and, I give my feminine side a lot more respect than just servicing an addiction.

[immike]

I just find it exhilirating to dress in womens clothes,in secrecy.I've used my mothers clothes for many years,since we are about the same size&I've had fun learning to walk in heels.

[DIANEF]

I get to dress on a fairly regular basis, maybe once or twice a week, but any interruption to that routine leaves me feeling irritable and moody. I used to go into a bit of a sulk (stopped that now) after any major length of time without dressing and found myself counting the days, even hours when I could get into Diane mode. Could I live without it, probably not, so more of a need than a want for me.

[Laura912]

Do I need to dress? Yes.

[Julie MA]

Wants and needs are closely related. When one or the other gets strong enough they become the same.

[Shiny]

This is such a basic question it's almost a brain-stem issue. Psychologically it's "ID" "EGO" and "SUPEREGO." Want is an impulsive issue, need is a base issue that goes much deeper. I have "wanted" to dress many times as in seeing a good looking girl with nice shoes or dress or nice hairdo or in seeing lingerie pictures in the quarterly Pennies-Sears-Wards catalogs growing up. But, want, didn't dictate my actions. If I was busy or distracted the dressing could wait. On the other hand, if I hadn't dressed in weeks or even months the "need" issue began to grow in my thoughts. That's where it gets you. Those thoughts build until you have no choice and then you find the clothes and find the privacy and then find the time to do what you do. And yeah, if you get this affliction? It ain't goin' away folks.

[Stephanie47]

I believe this is my 7,000th comment to a thread. I was waiting for an opportunity to say something profound, but, it seemed a little strange to just post "Hey, look at me. I've been here for 7,000 comments. But, I did not want to watch that little posting number just slip by making any old comment. Thank you, Judy for giving me the opportunity.

How did this all start? I do remember my first interests in women's clothing. I was probably still a "single digit" little boy in a household surrounded in life by manly men and boys. I had a father, a mother, a brother, four male cousins and their typical parents, many male friends. I was not dressed up by a sister or female cousins or an aunt. I was not punished for my numerous boyish transgressions. I played sports. I rolled around in the dirt with my little cars. So, what brought on this fascination with female attire?

My mother use to dry her nylon slips on a wash line in our apartment and on a drying rack in the sole bathroom. I found I loved the feel of the nylon. The fabric was like nothing I wore. I caressed the fabric. Finally I decided to put one on. I loved the feel. But, there was no sexual motivation involved. In fact when I was in kintergarden my teacher commented on my cowboy shirt calling it a blouse. I was upset. I thought she said I was wearing a girl's blouse. I set her straight that it was a cowboy shirt. Gene Autrey was a big deal back then.

My interest in women's clothing seemed to escalate when my male hormones started to click in. I started trying on all my mother's clothing and her makeup. I felt revulsion. I hated myself. I thought, as was the common thinking back then, I had to be a homosexual. It was really disturbing.

I've come to the conclusion I had no control over the desire to wear women's clothing. I've also come to realize the desire can be suppressed. Again, hormones seem to have some controlling influence. When I was in the army I had absolutely no interest in women's clothing. I was totally preoccupied with staying alive as an infantryman in Nam. I have a PTSD counselor who has expressed her opinion that each of us have some DNA of the opposite sex, and, it is expressed by varying degrees. With life experiences I have to agree with her.

Yes, when there is a need for me to seek relief or escape my past or the present it manifests itself in tapping into the female DNA within me. Yes, when it gets rough in the male world I escape to Stephanie. I've been able until recently to balance my male and female desires and needs. Yes, I am a much more tolerable and mellow person when I can be Stephanie.

Recently my wife was diagnosed with breast cancer. So after being off work for a number of months due to back surgery breast cancer reared its ugly head. So, if I total all the months up it will be the longest period of time in the last four decades I will not be Stephanie. There is some angst, but, it seems to be controlled by the arise of the male protector in me. Hormones again? Protecting my life long partner? Probably yes.

So. I've been mellowing myself out by still buying female clothing. My PTSD counselor calls it "retail therapy." It is a coping mechanism. Yes, I'm the one with over 400 full slips. I added over 35 this year. And dresses, bras and panties. "Retail therapy" keeps me on a even keel.

Do I need to do this? You bet your ass! I know Judy's wife and my wife really do not understand the why anymore than I understand the why. So, is it better to seek relief from daily stress by drinking to excess or using illegal drugs? Or is it better to let that female DNA strands flourish on occasion?

[Anne K]

I need to dress. I believe that "cranky/bitchie" describes me very well when I can't!

[Teresa]

Judy,
Ask yourself where the thoughts are coming from, to me it's a feeling to satisfy an inner need. Is it different for you ? You have so many nice clothes so you just want to wear them because you have them and have some fun ?

I'm not saying dressing shouldn't be fun, I love that side of it, the fact it makes me happy and a better person is something I don't get from being in drab, not in the same way.

[Dana44]

Ah judy, yep when you feel that way there is nothing but letting your female DNA come out and have fun. Sorry you are on a DADT situation. Keep working on her. LOL

[Acastina]

For me, it's beyond the OP's question. Asking whether it's actually need or merely want (those adverbs are implicit in the question) is a more superficial inquiry than how I feel. Simply put, it's a core part of who I am. Kind of like an "earworm", you know, a song that gets into your head and won't go away? The difference is that I can consciously change earworms if I really want to; just start thinking of another song until it takes over. As a musician, I always have some kind of music in my head; always. But I can make another selection in the jukebox if "now playing" starts to bug me.

But this sense of self that involves feeling and presenting as female is the only track that plays in its part of my consciousness. I can't turn it off, and I can't change the tune.

As someone else said in this regard in a different thread: I want to because I need to.:^5:

[Kandi Robbins]

Life is complicated enough without throwing this all in, so of course, I need to on some level.

The frequency and length to which I do are a choice, but there is an undeniable need or believe me, I would not do so.

I've simply decided to make the best of it, embrace it and make it work on my terms. I got tired of the guilt, tired of wondering what if?

[Lucy23]

Wow, so many definitions and opinions. But it actually helped me get this straight. For me, it is a want to dress too, or rather a really strong desire to do so. But a desire I can control and can go longer stretches of time without donning a single item of women's clothing. But that's not to say the thoughts aren't there. More often than not it only takes a picture of an attractive woman dressed in clothes I would want to wear to jumpstart the thoughts.

The thoughts are stronger and lingering when I attend to activities that are more of a chore than actual fun. But when I do something I truly love, the thoughts about dressing are almost non-existent, or just come and go. But at the same time, I think it is a part of the proverbial anima archetype that expresses itself in this way (and as a female friend noted upon seeing the decor of my new apartment, it was as if a woman had decorated it).

This is the way it has been up to now; next week I'm moving out and starting to live on my own. I'm curious as to how the new situation will affect my dressing since I will have the chance to wear women's clothes all day long.

[Taylor Dame]

I have been able to put off dressing for a time, and have purged a couple of times over the past 60-plus years. But there always has come a time when I NEED to dress. I feel that wanting to dress is more controllable. When I need to dress, I can't stop the desire. Either way, I certainly enjoy it!

[Steph_CD_62]

There are times I NEED to dress to relax and get in my happy place.

And there are times I WANT to dress because it is such a nice way to end the day.

[Princess Chantal]

Purely a want for me.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Judy:hugs:, I am 74 and I have been in this program for over 69yrs. it's just who I am and it's just what I do.

I really enjoy dressing, Dressing allows me the pleasure of having the best of both worlds...:daydreaming:...

[Jenniferathome]

It's fine line to be sure. What I know is that when I can not dress, my desire to dress increases. When I can dress anytime I like, total freedom, my desire to do so is lower than when I am prevented. Not too surprising really.

[Laura28]

I have to agree with Jennifer when I can with out restrictions, my desire is not as strong. When I can't it is very strong. I also notice during the winter months it peaks especially around the Christmas season

[Teri Ray]

I want my home loan paid off, steak dinners each night, and someone else to mow my lawn and remove snow in the winter. I also want the funds to have all that stuff.

I bet, however, if I got all the stuff I want I would want other stuff.

I need the love of my wife, my health, family and friends, and gods help to prevent me from doing really dumb stuff.

I do agree with Jennifer, I always seem to want to dress but given the opportunity to dress without restriction seems to cause me to desire to dress less.
Errr........ I said desire? is that the same as want or need? I am easily confused. I need, want and desire someone to explain this to me.

[Shely]

I don't want to, or need to, I LOVE to.

[Tracy Irving]

I don't think I need to want to dress nor do I want to need to dress. But, I do want that new dress I don't need.

[Janine cd]

I agree with Taylor. I,too, have been dressing for more than 60 years and have purged several times, but the desire always returns. I guess I would have to say that there is a NEED to dress.

[janeycdbbw]

I think for me the need is always running like an app in the background. The want fluctuates,the one thing that I haven't deciphered.

[AnnaBMarie]

For me it depends on the day. Some days I would really like to but the situation doesn't permit. I can rationalize that conflict and it just goes into that bucket of stuff I want to do but life gets in the way. Other days.... Oh my, is there a real, deep, aching need. Those days if full dressing isn't an option I try to satisfy with underdressing or spend some alone time fantasizing. Those are also the days that people see me as morose....

[TrishaTX]

yes! lol

[CynthiaD]

I could stop dressing completely if I wanted to, so in that sense it's a WANT.

However, I spent a stretch of many years denying this part of myself. During this period I always felt frustrated and unhappy, despite having a great family and a successful career that I really enjoyed. When I decided to stop denying this part of myself, the frustration and unhappiness disappeared. Furthermore, I realized that in giving up dressing I had lost the best part of myself, the feminine part of myself. The part that I liked the best. I can't be the person I want to be without accepting the fact that, at a fundamental level, I am female. I dress to acknowledge that part of myself. And I need to acknowledge that part of myself. In that sense it's a NEED.

[Sister Rachel]

The more people I come out to as a CDer, the less need I feel to actually, physically, dress en femme. I have no desire to purge my wardrobe, the fact that I can have my skirts, dresses and lingerie there and that my wife's ok with it and my close friends and family know about me sort of calms everything down .. then again I'd love to be wearing my pink net-skirt and faux-suspender tights right now, but it's late and I'm tired .. if I were young and slender and maybe a bit less than 6'3" I'm sure I'd really go for it .. Happy New Year, sisters, btw :)

[mona lisa]

The answer is yes! :doll:

[ReallyLauren]

For me it's more of a need. While I have stayed away for protracted periods of time, now I find that It helps me relieve stress.

[Karen RHT]

I need to dress the same way I need to ride motorcycles, fish, and do other things that make me happy. I need happiness in my life in order to remain balanced, positive, and productive.


Karen

[mona lisa]

I need to dress the same way I need to ride motorcycles, fish, and do other things that make me happy. I need happiness in my life in order to remain balanced, positive, and productive.


Karen

Great answer Karen!

[valeriemonroe2002]

I think the quote I saw earlier on the thread is the way I see it. "I wouldn't want to if I didn't need to."

[Lily Catherine]

I'm not sure if I'd want to if I didn't have any motivations to otherwise.
I think I can very well control when I dress, but never, ever, not even once if I dress.
Now that being said, I only ever had that motive to start with, and cannot imagine the counterfactual scenario in which I didn't.

[mikayla1964]

Hmmm well I have tried to not dress and have made it 6 months but it comes back with a vengeance and I have learned that if I dress regularly then I can kinda control it. So with that being said I have to dress but I also want to..

[GBJoker]

Want to dress. Almost never need.

[Rachael Leigh]

I have to say there are days I feel I just need to dress it just seems right to do so. With that said I do want to dress as well I enjoy it and it can unfortunately become addictive

[Redjezika]

I'm not 100% certain on this question. I started dressing at a very, very young age. The 1st time I was caught by my parent's I was 4 or 5. I woke up in the middle of the night, snuck a pair of my mom's pantyhose out of the hamper and then put on one of her work dresses she kept in the closet of my brother an I's bedroom. It created quite the fuss but I'm not certain there was an attraction to anything it just felt extremely natural.

[Michelle (Oz)]

I've always referred to my dressing as a "need/want". Saves time on analysing the difference. Perhaps abstinence over the last week or so shows it more to be a need but happy to say its a want.


I believe this is my 7,000th comment to a thread.
That's a great milestone Stephanie and a wonderful contribution to the value of CDers.com. I always enjoy reading your take on a thread and usually agree or see your point of view. Now for 10k. I may get to 1k first but no guarantee.

[JeanW]

I guess for me having spent so much of my life feeling ashamed of the sexual excitement I got from wearing something feminine. Then settling into off and on wearing panties in private still with the feelings of guilt and shame. Then about 4 years ago having "the talk" with my wife and her not just accepting but pushing me to open up about things. Then her starting to give me feminine things to "try" and continuing to tell me it isn't something I need to be embaressed or ashamed of that she loves all of me and this is part of me. To actually feeling very comfortable and natural being dressed fully with her. As this thing between us started to grow she told me I was a much easier person to get along with that I had started to become a grumpy old man and that she didn't want to be married to a grumpy old man. Now when there has been some time of me not dressing ( outside forces preventing it) she's started to comment that maybe its time for jean to be around. Meaning that the grumpy/ bitchy person was showing. So that being said I guess there is some sort of need to my dressing.

[Lori_Lyn]

I would say that I want to dress, but if I go long enough without dressing,
the need makes it's presence felt.

[ronda]

I have been dressing my whole life have tried to stop but have not been successful so I would say I need to

[mona lisa]

I guess for me having spent so much of my life feeling ashamed of the sexual excitement I got from wearing something feminine. Then settling into off and on wearing panties in private still with the feelings of guilt and shame. Then about 4 years ago having "the talk" with my wife and her not just accepting but pushing me to open up about things. Then her starting to give me feminine things to "try" and continuing to tell me it isn't something I need to be embaressed or ashamed of that she loves all of me and this is part of me. To actually feeling very comfortable and natural being dressed fully with her. As this thing between us started to grow she told me I was a much easier person to get along with that I had started to become a grumpy old man and that she didn't want to be married to a grumpy old man. Now when there has been some time of me not dressing ( outside forces preventing it) she's started to comment that maybe its time for jean to be around. Meaning that the grumpy/ bitchy person was showing. So that being said I guess there is some sort of need to my dressing.

Its always nice to read about supportive wives :)

[Fiona123]

I need to be feminine. "Want" implies I have a choice. I dont. I was born this way.

[Heidi Stevens]

It used to be "have to", but since I have confirmed I'm transgender and started HRT, it's a question of want to. The hormone therapy has changed my drive to dress to the point I do it when I can and it's not a need that has to be taken care of right now.

[Aunt Kelly]

If the desired state is the feeling we get when we are pretty, then yep. It (dressing) is a need. We could argue forever about whether or not one "needs" that state, but I believe that wanting it is reason enough to satisfy the need. Make of that what you will. :)

[Sharon B.]

I need and want to dress. It get complicated if I don't dress for a while I get cranky, nervous, bitchy. Then when I get the chance to dress and needed it then I want more time to dress.

[KimberlyJean]

I concur with Fiona, if I had a choice, my life would be significantly easier without the need or desire to be Kimberly.

[Marcia Blue]

I have to say after dressing for 52 years that the "want turns to need". I have no true choice. I can not totally, not dress for an extended period of time.

I wish, the reason why was not a mystery. I wish that society did not drive us, to hide our second self.

[carolynhcd50]

I have been dressing for 50 years, albeit furtively and irregularly for the first 40 years. Now, I am always en femme when at home, and always wearing panties at the least when going out, to work, the market, etc. As it is winter now, I always wear a bra and single cup size breast forms, a camisole, and perhaps a blouse and mini half slip when going out to shop, hidden under a man's jacket zipped up high to hide the lace at my bodice. I have sometimes walked out of my house in broad daylight fully feminized, in skirt and heels and full makeup, when I cannot bear to be housebound any longer. While I certainly have no wish to scandalize my neighbors, there are rare times when Carolyn absolutely needs to walk in the sun. I have only purged once in my life, and I shall never do that again. I mean, why is it so difficult to buy a matching bra, panty and garter belt set these days without spending $100? And without the National catalogue, I wouldn't begin to know where to buy stockings! I wold love to hear any thoughts any of you may have on the blather.

[Natalie cupcake]

I notice too when the pink fog comes around and I don't get a chance to dress I get cranky/bitchy also. I don't know if it is a need or a want but i like doing it.:)

[Ally 2112]

I used to want to now i need to and when i was married and could not dress the bitchy cranky part was the first thing my x would notice

[suzanne]

Good thread. I spent years coaching my kids to make the distinction between need and want. Like you need a pair of shoes, you don't need 159 pairs of shoes. Bad example, bcz I know I have more women's shoes than I need. I just like them. Anyway, there are some days when it's nice to be dressed, and there's moments when I'm gonna go batcrap crazy if I don't get out of my boy clothes right now and into a skirt. So yes, it becomes a need. Don't ask me why or how.

[StephanieM]

It's what I call a secondary need, primary needs being food, water etc., we all have psychological needs that yes we can survive without meeting them, but when we do meet those needs we are mentally more healthy, so in that way it is a need.

[Periwinkle]

It's a want for me. I only get cranky if I had plans to dress on a particular day that get scrapped. But that would be my reaction to any of my premeditated plans getting scrapped. I really don't like it when things don't go as I planned.

[sara66]

Most of the time it is a need. The need increase as the time between dressing increases There are times I just want to. Most of the time I don't want the need to go away.
Sara

[Seana Summer]

I know I want to..........but I am not certain that I need to.

Fortunately I have not had to go without for an extended period of time.

[Becky Blue]

Interesting thread. From age 12 to 41 want. From 41 to 44 constant need. From 44 to 47 nothing. Since 48 intermittent need.

[Billy]

Why would someone that feels crossdressing is a need, do it in secret or hide it?

[Krisi]

I want to dress. More accurately, I enjoy dressing. I don't need to dress and I'm not compelled to dress. I can go for long periods without dressing if I have other things to do.

Anyone whose personality changes because they don't have the opportunity to dress up in women's clothes has a problem. And no, nobody was born a crossdresser. In the womb, we know nothing about clothing or sex.

If you "need" to dress up in women's clothing to the point where it is affecting your life or your relationships with your family or others, you should be working on this. You may be able to do it on your own or you may need help.

[Billy]

Krisi
Following your logic, wouldn't a personality change into a woman's personality when crossdressing be cause for concern?

[Krisi]

Yes. Yes it would be.

[Billy]

What about giving a separate identity to your crossdressed self? I notice that some people introduce this separate identity to their SO. It seems to me that if you become a different person or desire to be a woman then you are more than a crossdresser.

[Krisi]

I have posted this before and I'll post it again. I don't believe the simple act of strapping on a pair of boobs can actually change your personality or likes and dislikes. I think anyone who claims a change in personality when dressed is either fooling themselves or just acting a part.

We may walk or sit differently or order different food in a restaurant but it's just playing a part. When I turn on the radio or TV, I listen to the same music or watch the same shows. If I had voted in the recent election as Krisi rather than Homer, I would have chosen the same candidates.

[MissVirginia-Mae]

I "need" to dress and though I am dressed 100% of the time now,
In the past, I would get "antsy" if I couldnt dress.....and then downright sulky....
I am a bit of a Diva anyway.....:love:

[Nonya Biznis]

Need!!!!

- - - Updated - - -

Because there is a fairly good chance the people you love and care about could either reject you or completely change they way they see and act around you.

[Michelle123]

For me it is both. I certainly do Want to dress as often as I can. But it is also a Need. When I am dressed, I feel so content, calm (well, calm in one way, Excited in another way). rarely do I have to go for an extended period without dressing, but when it happens, I feel very frustrated, and anxious all the time. It seems all I can think about is when I will be able to dress again.

[Charleen]

Always had the need. No question. As early as putting on my mom's high heels at 3. Drove me to depression and thoughts of suicide as I could not find the reason. Until I got here. Found out I'm TG. What a relief. I now dress as me and not that guy I was told I was.

[Andrea Chenowith]

It begins as a want for me in the sense that I love the feel of certain articles of clothing that are designed for women. I'm a full-time wearer of panties (with my wife's approval) and also wear women's running tights/yoga pants all the time. I've even ventured out in public with a men's hoodie and plain women's leggings/pants quite often. (Well, plainish- my black pair has a mesh slash wrapping around the shin, and my dark gray pair has a subtle geometric pattern..)

But it transcends want and becomes a need for me in the sense that when I completely dress up, I actively take on a different persona. It serves as a means to "step out" of my male persona, and all of the stressors that currently drive me bonkers there. The terrible situation of my job and all of the changes and uncertainty there go away, even if just for a few moments. It's the setting-aside of my day life that keeps me from the depths of depression.

[SarahBJackson]

I need a new dress! I wish I hadn't purged. :(

[Cheryl James]

Interesting question. For me, I think the best answer is all of the above"..

[phili]

I'm glad you brought this up. I'm always asking where I am on this as a means to make the argument to my wife on the basis of 'justified need'. It isn't working since her 'want and need' are directly opposed.

But for my benefit, I'm thinking 'want' vs 'need' are measures of deficiency x importance. Wanting generally means satisfying a need with low enough intensity we can classify it as a nonessential desire, and 'needing' means we will suffer without satisfying it, therefore essential.

Crossdressing in all its various forms is a means to an end, satisfying a need in one or more dimensions of our personalities, each with varying levels of deficiency. The dimensions are multitudinous- anything limited by the gender binary so that we are on the wrong side of the fence for something we either desire or outright need. We want silky clothes, we want to be able to feel and laugh or cry more freely, we want to be desired sexually, to be receptive, to be light and perky, to be more like women, etc.

Becky- I think this may be the key to your desire subsiding/rising- maybe you can see if a piece of your actual need was satisfied/is no longer satisfied?

[ChristinaK]

As time has gone on, it turned from sexual to want. Now it's become more of a need. Christina fulfills me and brings a satisfaction and happiness I would not otherwise have.

[Jenny22]

The NEED is at the core of my dressing, or I wouldn't have to fully dress every morning and stay dressed all day, when possible. Its more than a pink fog, perhaps a pink hurricane!

[Ceera]

For me it's a good question... And it took me a while to come up with an answer.

I think, for me, it is a 'need', but it's one I can control the timing of.

Buying more women's shoes and clothes is definitely a compulsion for me - one that fills a personal and emotional need. I couldn't care less about most men's clothing, but my girly side demands a full wardrobe of cute clothes to go out in, for all types of situations, from fancy charity dinners to going nightclubbing to blending in at the mall or the grocery store. If it was just an "I want" situation, surely I could make do with a far smaller wardrobe? But I have a huge selection of shoes and clothes, and I wear virtually all of them on a regular basis. My feminine wardrobe has completely eclipsed my male side's selections.

But it's also a definite 'need' for me to go out and be accepted as a woman. Not just to wear the clothes, but to get out in public - fully made up with wig and breast forms and all - and interact with others and to be seen and perceived by others as female. I've found I am much happier when I am out and about while en-femme, regardless of how 'pretty' my outfit is. It's just as satisfying, for me, to go out in an outfit that is appropriate for blending in a mall or store - such as pair of women's jeans, a simple blouse or t-shirt, and sensible shoes or boots or sneakers - as it is to dress to the nines for nightclubbing in high heels, a pretty skirt and a beautiful blouse. If I can look in the mirror and see a girl smiling back at me, it makes me happy. But it makes me much happier when I see others looking at me, talking to me, and accepting me as a woman.

At the same time, I can control when and where I do it, and how often. So while the need is there, and the act of going out into the world en-femme is definitely emotionally satisfying and pleasant, I can put off doing it for weeks at a time, if I simply don't have anywhere appropriate that I want to go as a lady, or if funds are tight and I should stay home rather than spend money while going out. I'm spending almost all my 'social time' as a woman now. I try to get out at least once or twice a week. If I am planning to go out for an evening to have fun with others, I almost always do it as a lady. If I am going to a movie or out to dinner with my daughter. who fully accepts my female side, it's a toss up if I'll do it en-femme, or as my male side. My female aspect wins those outings slightly more often than not. The only social time that is male-dominated is when I am attending a family gathering with my sister or sisters-in law, who I am not out with as yet. I won't show up for Christmas or similar gatherings as a lady when they are expecting me as a guy.

Sometimes I just feel in the mood for a 'girly day, and I will spend all day as a woman, from the time I get out of bed and get dressed, to the time I call it a night and return to my male aspect prior to going to sleep. I may or may not go out on those days, or have any other 'special plans'. I might just walk my dog in my neighborhood while en-femme, or go to the gas station and grocery store. Or I might stay at home and do things on my computer. But usually, I'll try to do at least something that gets me out of the house on those days. That's my 'outlet' when I feel I haven't had enough 'girl time' in my life.

[irene9999]

For me it's mostly a want but if I don't get to dress in awhile the desire to dress bottles up and becomes a need

[Mickitv]

I love Elizabeth G. quote in her response - "I wouldn't want to if I didn't need to" I don't know what it is but if society would just be more sensitive to it it would not be a problem for anyone.

[BettyMorgan]

For me, it's a need.
Is there a suitable analogy or comparison? I have friends who need their coffee and it seems to be a stronger need than my need to put on heels. But I suggest the relief of that first sip is not as great as when I put on a dress.
What about a vitamin deficiency? If I don't get enough vitamin D (not a lot of winter daylight hours in the Great White North) I have to use a happy light or vitamin supplements. Dresses have the same affect. :)
Not really, but I feel the need.

[Samantha Sometimes]

Sad to say if it was just a "want" I would have stopped a long time ago. There are so many lies and problems involved. I'm not saying it's all bad though. I am dressed now and I feel.... AMAZING! As always

[NicoleScott]

I have been crossdressing for over fifty years, so it's certainly a long-term need. I couldn't crossdress for three years while in the Army, and I survived. And at other times not as long. At times during those periods, I wanted to crossdress, but couldn't and didn't.
Sometimes I want to dress, and sometimes I don't. So.....
Long term need. Short term want.

[StephanieM]

Hi Nicole may I ask did you join the Army in the hopes that it would "cure" you of being a CD?
I was in for 6 years hoping that it would "cure" me. But during those 6 years I found opportunities to dress and as soon as I got out I started dressing again.

[NicoleScott]

No, Stephanie. I was quite undisciplined and was underperforming to my abilities in college. I needed to grow up, so I enlisted with the urging of my parents. After the Army, I went back to college and (finally) earned a BA at age 28. Of course, like most I served with, I constantly bitched about all the BS, but in hindsight, it was good for me.
As to denying myself hoping for a cure, three purges were my attemts to quit crossdressing. My final purge was in 1994. I finally accepted that I'm a crossdresser, and my best times as a CDer have been since then.

[StephanieM]

Ok thanks for answering. I was curious.

[Valery L]

I NEED to, period.

[NicoleScott]

Recent dictionary definitions of crossdress do not include a motive - just the act if wearing the clothing of the opposite sex. I think this is a mistake, because what follows is that a crossdresser is simply one who crossdresses. To me, crossdressers have that internal drive that compels us to crossdress, whereas Tootie and Mrs. Doubtfire put on disguises for external reasons. They crossdressed but weren't crossdressers. Non-crossdressers don't have that internsl drive.
I am not crossdressed at this time because I don't want to be, but I am a crossdresser because I have a need to crossdress. Just not now.
There is a bit of circular reasoning in this discussion:
I am a crossdresser because I wear the clothes. I wear the clothes because I am a crossdresser.
And:
You can't quit crossdressing. If you quit, you weren't really a crossdresser.

[Karine]

There is a thin line between need and want.
I would lean towards the need because sometimes after a long time or when I need to relax I really feel the urge. However, once a time I have the opportunity to dress for days in a row, but on the 3rd I didn't dress, I just didn't want to.
As I said the line is thin, crossdressing makes me happy and is always a pleasant time. Everybody wants to do things that make them happy. Being happy is a need or a "want" ? Excepted the burden of the secret to my girlfriend, crossdressing has no bad effects on me, does not hurt anyone, so...

[nikkiwindsor]

I'm w/ Acastina...I'm feminine to my core. So I am who I am regardless of how I physically present. And the fact remains that when my outer appearance doesn't present who I am inside I'm on edge with anger mixed with melancholy. When things are in alignment between inner and outer being I'm more content, even happy to an extent. But then again, and not surprisingly, I can only physically attain a feminine look to a degree. So, I'm still very envious when I see cis-girls being just who they are naturally and easily. So, I guess if I must simply answer the question, it's a need. But the need isn't yet fulfilled.

[ReineD]

Anyone who feels compelled or feels a strong urge to do anything will feel they are experiencing a need, whereas we tend to think of wants as choices that we can do without. Active crossdressers do not feel as if the crossdressing is a choice.

I think your question would be best understood if it was between need vs urge, and not need vs want.

[Confucius]

Need or want.... To me it seems as if we are really asking whether we have control over our crossdressing, or our crossdressing has control over us.

I've always liked to think that I was in control of my crossdressing, but that is only true to a point. I cannot stop enjoying crossdressing. I've stopped crossdressing for a 15 year period, but during that time I always wanted to crossdress. When I returned I was determined to keep it limited and under control. I can keep it limited, but I would really like to go all out, and go out in public.

So, I supposed my answer is if I am trying to keep myself happy, then I need to address crossdressing to some extent.

[Lana Mae]

I want to dress constantly, but I don't always do it! Sometimes other things take priority. But when I need to dress, I dress! Some thing inside says you will dress! I dress that day even if only for a short period of time! Under dressing some times can fend this off for a while and I find myself doing it more! Out a lot today under dressed with blue finger nail polish with silver sparkles with no problems only some nice comments! Presenting as male! As with the clothes this was more a need than want! Hugs Lana Mae

[Jenni Yumiko]

I only need to breathe pay taxes and die and I think I'm close to circumventing death. The other two are impossible. 😀

[Becky Blue]

I have posted this before and I'll post it again. I don't believe the simple act of strapping on a pair of boobs can actually change your personality or likes and dislikes. I think anyone who claims a change in personality when dressed is either fooling themselves or just acting a part.

We may walk or sit differently or order different food in a restaurant but it's just playing a part. When I turn on the radio or TV, I listen to the same music or watch the same shows. If I had voted in the recent election as Krisi rather than Homer, I would have chosen the same candidates.

As they say in the classics ... unless you have walked a mile in her shoes....you seem very definitive about how other people feel. When I am expressing Becky I am not the same, getting dressed and expressing this side of me is very profound. Let me give you some simple examples of how I change.

1. As a guy I don't like dancing much, I feel restrained and don't like the way I move. As a girl I love dancing, I move differently in heels and a dress/skirt I feel free and uninhibited and I like the way I move.

2. As a guy I am quite reserved, when I am Becky I am the opposite, I feel the need to be more out there, I am more talkative to strangers and love to be seen.

3. I cannot explain why, but others will agree with me, but when I am Becky my senses are on steroids I smell, see, feel everything around me.

4. When I am her I feel much more sensuous, Becky has much smaller body space requirements, i feel much more comfortable hugging people, sitting much closer.

Maybe Becky is the real me, maybe I am restrained in my daily life, but the those are just a few examples.

[Michelle123]

My mother told me she believes this is something I "Need" to do. I told her she understands completely

[Steph54]

For me. When the mood comes on. Everything is about dressing. For example if I'm watching the tv I'm looking at the clothes not following the story. Then days, weeks, later the mood departs and I'm watching the fight scenes not checking out the lovely outfit the girl in the background is wearing.

[krissy]

I have to dress i cant stop what i love to do . its who i am

[Alice B]

It's a fine line and I can bot tell one side from the other. For me need and want are the same thing

[pantyhoselvr kendra]

I need to, i cant stop. My wife allows it and a couple times a week she dresses sexy with me. It feels so good rubbing up against eachother

[Evie82]

It's a need for me. It feels like I'm my true self when I'm dressed properly (i.e. any female clothing from glam to comfy) and it makes me feel calmer, more relaxed and, most importantly, happier. It feels like a weight is lifted from me physically and emotionally so I suppose it's a big want but a bigger need.