I got caught! update.

[Judy-Somthing]

Last January told my wife that I wanted to wear a dress, she freaked, said she would never have married me, it went bad for about three months, I went back into the closet and continued to dress in secret.
Then two weeks ago she found my sz. 13 pumps and freaked out again and said she would never have married me, I thought things will never be the same.
Well in the last two days she's been her old self hugging, kissing, and today whoopee and out to dinner.
I told her I'm sorry for being a crazy person, and she said she was sorry for getting so upset.

Well I'm glad she found my heels! Time will tell.

Miss Judy

[dawn459]

Hi Miss Judy Maybee she is hinting for you to buy her a pair
In her size so you both can wear
Them at home.together with your
Dresses&pants.

[Tracii G]

Maybe she realized she was wrong.

[AllieSF]

Sounds like good news. Does she know that you will do it again and that it will not go away? Good luck.

[Sarah Louise]

Thanks for the update, Judy. That's good news. As often is the case, love helps to overcome problems.

[Michelle (Oz)]

That's great progress Judy. What probably isn't clear yet is her understanding of where you are at with the dressing. If you have been dressing in secret then she may think you have stopped and is mending fences. A test of progress will be her knowing that you are still dressing and remaining her old self. It will happen with patience and understanding.

[Krisi]

Wives often change their minds about our little hobby. Sometimes they change their minds several times.

I suggest taking it slow. It's not time yet to prance around the house in your heels and a tutu. When you are ready to dress around her, don't dress like a hooker. Dress like she does. Casual.

[Jenniferathome]

Judy, don't go back into DADT. TALK TO HER even if it means she says she wants DADT. At least you'll know.

[Stephanie47]

I have to agree with Jennifer. I'm in a DADT marriage for the last three decades. It's my wife's choice. Sometimes I've slipped up and my wife has found a water balloon (my attempt at simulating breasts) or a panty or a bra. She'll fold the undergarment and place in on top of the washing machine out of sight of visitors. I is truly DADT which also includes no barbs or nasty comments thrown my way. Sometimes I wish she would just scream at me so she'll recognize the elephant in the room.

I think what your wife may have mulled over in her mind is the marriage scale. Put all his male attributes on one side and cross dressing and any other perceived flaws on the other. How does it tip? Hopefully the balance is way in the positive attributes. It may be time to establish some dialogue as to acceptable boundaries.

I think it is necessary to fully explored at least once what this cross dressing is all about. I know Krisi uses the term "hobby" frequently as well as some others on this site. I have some hobbies; collecting coins, building plastic military models... I have a nice collection of slips that keeps me on an even keel when it is not possible to wear women's clothing. But, the actual wearing of women's clothing is not a hobby that I can stop. I wish I could "lose interest" in my "hobby." But, it is more than a "hobby." I wish wives would at least try to understand wearing women's clothing is not something that is a choice. Even with an accepting wife there may be issues. Are you spending too much money on women's clothing? Are you ignoring her as a lover? Those are issues that need to be brought to the forefront and not ignored.

Anyway, Judy, I hope the New Year will bring some understanding of your needs by your wife. And, hopefully she will express her true feelings as to where this relevation will go. Good luck.

[Robbin_Sinclair]

I got caught in the worst way. I had a bad hospitalization while we were out of town and my wife's phone was stolen. She had to get through to home by tring to use my ipad and she found some of the worst communication from some rather creepy guy on this site. The messages really creeped me out and I never replied but the messages were still there six months later.

That was nearly four years ago. I still think fem about 23 hours a day, dress once in a while, feel free to act fem whenever I want to but my wife and I don't really talk about it. She is more male than me, these days. So life is back to DADT and that works for us. My job is to be the most sincere person I can be, tolerate her whims and be there for her, always.

For what it is worth, Life's usually just fine with me and Robbin and the mate.

⛩��

[ronda]

move forward slowly talk when she is ready and on her terms give lots of hugs kisses and flowers

[phili]

My wife says the same thing, "IWHMYIK", even though I told her before we were married! But let's face it, it's all true-ish, she probably wouldn't have married you, or would wish she wasn't faced with the dilemma. That said, she did marry you and it has been good and lots to be grateful for, and after she considers that for a while, and endures the cold war of shunning you, she sees she can get by if you can with some version of DADT.

Marriage is a complex arrangement with a higher probability of misfit than fit on all sorts of issues, and although my wife says she has society on her side on this one, I think even she knows that has limited value as an argument, and she just doesn't want to go through the hassle of rethinking everything that she thought was settled, and liked, with respect to our roles.

I'm trying to use my time alone and out on the town to advance my internal experience to be roughly equivalent to that of women who have more or less free choice what to wear. I think it is going to result in feeling less drive to display my version of desirable femininity [cute flared skirts feature prominently], and I notice that this is rare among women, for the simple reason it attracts attention that they don't want or need. I still want and need the attention, but I am now learning to sew clothing and going for a sort of Johnny Depp look where he is mysteriously feminine while being attractively masculine.

Ok- I admit I would rather be able to dress as I please! but compromises are often quite sensible, and I get a lot of mileage out of dressing up like every other Cinderella and imagining being at the ball. Being able to go would be very good, but just being out somewhere as a mysteriously feminine man is working pretty well to address that need with just a blousy top, androgynous bracelet and necklace, and non-macho conversational style.

[Rhonda Darling]

Phili:

Is "IWHMYIK" supposed to mean something, or is it a colossal typo? Enlighten us, please.

[Jaylyn]

Judy even though my wife knows and knows where I keep my dressing things but it is not always advisable to let this fog get us to an every day thing. I think it's only fair to them that since we married them as their male half we need to honor our commitment to them by at least being their male the biggest part of the time. Best thing I ever did was to just sit down and visit with her about how I feel inside and what I want to do. So far it has worked but every marriage is different.

[DeeAnne69]

Glad to hear that things have turned around for you ....... :love:

[Andrea Chenowith]

Phili:

Is "IWHMYIK" supposed to mean something, or is it a colossal typo? Enlighten us, please.

I wouldn't have married you (if) I knew.

[Judith96a]

Hi Judy, I'm glad to hear that things have returned to something more akin to normal. I hope that she's not under the impression that you've stopped / been burden. If that's the cause of the apparent return to 'normaliity' then the 'normaliity' is likely to be fragile and short lived!
Assuming that's not the car, the challenge now is to not drift back into DADT but rather to gently coax her into accepting that you are who you are. She doesn't have to be enthusiastic (that would be all your Christmases rolled into one!) just reasonably tolerant.

This message will self destruct in 5 seconds. Good luck!