My BFF came out to me today.... I'm in AWE....

[Amy R Lynn]

First, hello ladies! It has been forever since I have posted anything on here. I've been away for a while. I hope to visit more often as time permits.

I have known my BFF since we were in first grade. So I have known him for a LONG time (32 years!). I think of him like a brother. I treat him like a brother, for that matter.

My Girlfriend and my BFF's wife are very close friends as well.

I am very secretive about Amy. There are only a handful of people who know about my feminine alter ego. None of my family and close friends know. I keep it this way because I feel that it would serve them no purpose to know. It would only serve my own purpose. There are other reasons too (single father). I could write a book on that. So, I keep Amy hidden and bring her out on special occasions when I can.

My (very supportive) girlfriend called me today and told me that she thinks I need to come out to my BFF. She said that he needs to know about Amy. I went into panic mode immediately. I feared that someone had spilled the beans and I was going to be outed. Naturally I asked her why.... She hesitated and had to think about what she was going to say next (I'm panicking). She then tells me that my BFF is transgender and wants to come out this year. He wants to start taking hormones and living as a woman. I'm in shock. I never saw this coming? How did I miss the signs? I'm in the club, and I know so many trans and CD folks. I never in a million years thought he had a feminine side to him at all. I missed it. :eek:

My BFF's wife had told my girlfriend about his desire to come out. He was afraid of how I would react, and feared that I would not be accepting. So he had his wife tell me about it instead. Apparently his wife has known this for 15 years now and is 100% accepting of it all:GD:. So I told her about Amy, and it just rolled from there. They weren't as shocked about me being a CD. I had long hair, pierced ears... shave my legs and arms, keep my eyebrows plucked and arched in a feminine style. Yeah... they weren't as shocked as I was.

I talked to him this evening about all of this. He really seems dead set on starting hormones. I explained to him that he really needs to think about that and talk with a therapist before he starts taking them. I know most of us have had these same thoughts. Its so easy to get lost in that pink fog and jump in head first without a second thought. It worries me that he is so eager all at once (or I may be misreading that as well). He has never left his house dressed. There are some definite steps that need to be made before he starts taking hormones. I hope that I can help guide him through this pink fog safely.

What are the chances that we both would be in this same boat and never knew it for 32 years? I'm excited to have my BFF on this journey. :cheer:
I plan on introducing him to some of my transgender friends and taking him to a couple of meetings that I attend. 2017 is bringing wonderful surprises already!

[Exris]

Your BFF has the greatest friend in you already. You are both lucky.

And we both know this. Before he even takes a step further towards hormones he needs to go out with you dressed and meet other like minded. He also needs to address his sexuality. Even if he is 100% straight that might change after hormones and reassignment. He needs to self examine and understand internally what matters most.

I dont know you. But you have 400+ posts. Id place a bet you know everything I do and perhaps a little more. Help him in any way you are able.

Good luck :)

[bridget thronton]

You both have good friends and great ladies in your lives

[IleneD]

You are a good and wise friend.
Thanks for sharing that quite unique story.

[Meghan4now]

Amy,

That's quite a bit of news. It is probably not just a coincidence that you know each other and are BFFs. SHE needs you now, and you seem well grounded. I wish the best for both of you. There is a great journey ahead, and it will not always be a walk in the park. Be prepared to help her live through some rough patches. Have courage because you too may be tested.

[LaurenS]

Wow.

Ive often wondered how many I've missed over the years. If we only knew...

[Lana Mae]

WOW! Imagine that! Best wishes going forward to all concerned! Hugs Lana Mae

[Lucy23]

Amy, it's hard to find words... I'm just happy it went so good for both you and your friend. And I couldn't help but notice the abundant acceptance not only on your part, but on your girlfriend's and on the part of the friend's wife as well.

[Jolene Robertson]

Hi Amy,

I'm happy for both of you. Looks like you have a level head and your BFF needs that right now.
Thanks for sharing with us and please keep us posted.

Hugs
Jolene

[mykell]

wow, thats some sobering news, you will have quite an accepting social core, the facilitators at the pflag meetings i attend know tons of resources, taking your BFF with you to your meetings will be a good idea, happy that everything is falling into place for you all....

[sometimes_miss]

I'm in shock. I never saw this coming? How did I miss the signs? I'm in the club, and I know so many trans and CD folks. I never in a million years thought he had a feminine side to him at all. I missed it.
Us closeted people hide it well. We've had a lifetime of practice. Remember, we're about one in what, 42? So you see plenty of crossdressers every day. How many can you spot?

[junetv]

Woe, not only do you have a supportive spouse, you have "supportive" best friend! Lucky girl!!

[Pat]

Wow. That whole post is pretty awesome in so many ways. I'm hoping your friend won't be able to find a doctor who would prescribe without him seeing a therapist first, but these days it's possible. Please encourage him to get his head straight before he starts medicating. The mental side of transition is 'way more important than the physical side.

[Tracii G]

Be a wise guide Amy.

[Acastina]

"You're one too?!?"

"But, but I was afraid to tell you about me!!"

How well we can conceal it, and what rewards we may receive for being brave and honest.

What a great story. Be excellent to each other.

[Nataliebabe]

Welcome Back! Glad that your friend now has someone to lean on! Come to think of it, really, what are the chances that this would happen?

[windshear]

I'm just imagining what I'd do if a friend "came out" to me like the OP described. Yeah, mind blown.

[Abbey11]

Fantastic for you both, as has been said, be a good guide

[Amy R Lynn]

Yeah it is kinda funny. I had thought about coming out to my BFF a couple of years ago. However, I thought it wasn't wise and kept it to myself. I feared that I could loose a very close and good friend. Apparently she had the same exact fear about telling me. The thoughts in our head are definitely our own worst enemy.

Yes, I'm making every effort to encourage her to talk with a counselor or therapist before embarking on the hormone therapy journey. I know how thick the pink fog can get. Sometimes it causes people to jump to conclusions that they later regret. I'm 100% supportive in her transitioning, as long as she does it safely. Well.... wish us luck.

And you all are so right... We are truly blessed to have such a great support group around us. I am amazed more than words can express.

[DaniChan]

Awesome story! You now have even more in common.
I too have a TS friend (have known for a couple years) but in my case he is a FtM TS. All of my friends in that group are super supportive. But even then I haven't told them (anyone actually) about me...

[Tracii G]

BFF is "best female friend" I thought maybe it means something else and I'm clueless LOL

[sara.rafaela]

Best friend forever

[TrishaLake]

thats is great...at least you have each other and that should help!

[Tracii G]

Thanks Sara I wasn't sure.

[Sometimes Steffi]

What are the chances that we both would be in this same boat and never knew it for 32 years?


Stranger things have happened.

I have a CD friend whose brother became his sister when he (my CD friend) was in his fifties.

There was also something similar in an older post here. Man tells wife he's a CD. Wife needs someone to talk to about this. Talks to her GG BFF. The GG BFF's response, "My husband is a CD also."

I'm at the Keystone Conference 2 years ago. I meet this random girl, and we start talking. It turns out she's from my home town, and we went to the same elementary school, middle school and high school together. We graduated HS the same year. We were on the track team together for 3 years. We took showers together, but not in the Sandusky kind of way. When we put this all together, my first question was, "Why didn't you tell me 40 years ago?" But we all know the answer to that question.

[Becky Blue]

Wow how lucky are you!! makes you wonder if deep down you both sensed something in each other that added to the friendship.

[raeleen]

I sometimes think that the folks we are drawn to, those who we are closest with, will have unexpected commonalities and tendencies as us, and that's why we're drawn to them and connect with them. Obviously this isn't necessarily always true, but our friends are our friends for a reason.

Good luck on this journey with your friend, Amy. I think it's awesome that both you and she have this newfound support system and a way for both of you to be your total and true authentic selves with each other. :)

[Amy R Lynn]

I see our friendship growing to new levels this year. It is amazing that's for sure. Thanks for all of the kind words.

[Jennifer Michelle]

Your story is pretty amazing and it seems like your friend just gained a really great ally in you. It also makes me wonder if I've ever known another crossdresser or transgender person in my life and just never realized it. It's definitely thought provoking :)

[Teri Ray]

Amazing story Amy,

Best wishes to you and your friend. If you were close before I am betting you are closer now.

[Angie G]

Your bbf is a very lucky girl. I think he has a big load of support needed. I'd love to have a bbf who also dresses.:hugs:
Angie

[Amy R Lynn]

Your story is pretty amazing and it seems like your friend just gained a really great ally in you. It also makes me wonder if I've ever known another crossdresser or transgender person in my life and just never realized it. It's definitely thought provoking :)

I have always been told that everyone knows at least one. It really does make you wonder how many of us there are out there.

[Dana921]

Congratulations on getting together and sharing another part of your life with your BFF!

As a side note, I knew two of the three brothers who did not know about each other until they were in their late 50's! Both were very surprised!

Dana

[Amy R Lynn]

ok... I definitely need the advice of you wonderful ladies on here. I've been talking with my friend about her transition and coming out to me and all... I have to say I'm a lot concerned about her. She still has not picked out a name. Nor has she ever left the house dressed. She flat out refuses to talk to a therapist or counselor about her gender dysphoria. However, she is adamant about taking hormones and is going to get them via the black market on the good 'ol internet :bigsmack:. I am so against her doing this. It is such a HUGE mistake. To me she seems like she is riding high in the pink fog and has the pedal buried to the floor boards.

Coming out to me was a huge deal to her. How will it be if she goes through and has boobs. You can't hide them as easily. I know she is not ready for that.

Her wife was having issues with her monthly cycles and the doctor prescribed hormones for her to take to put her into menopause for a short time to help relive her symptoms and what not. I'm no doctor and don't know all of the nit grit details of her diagnosis. I just know that she had left over hormones, and my friend took them. Apparently very little happened over the course of those pills. But this still scares me.

I know there are risks of blood clots, and erectile dysfunction and possible liver problems with taking hormones. I'm really trying to get my friend to think about these consequences and at least talk with a doctor. At the very least have a doctor prescribe them and monitor her for issues.

Are there any suggestions here?

[Kandi Robbins]

I am no expert here, but two things are alarming. Never been out of the house dressed? Wow!

Not seen a therapist? Again, wow!

Getting anything via the "black market" is a disaster waiting to happen. Your friend is in real trouble.

[Suzie Petersen]

Amy,
You are absolutely right to be concerned. I agree with Kandi, but instead of using the word Disaster, I would say it is a Tragedy waiting to happen.

Try very hard to get your friend to talk to a doctor or therapist and stay far away from street hormones or left overs.

- Suzie

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Amy:hugs:, Welcome back, That was an amazing wonderful story,

Please do keep us all advised....:daydreaming:...

[Amy R Lynn]

That is my goal. I want her to be safe with her transition. This really does worry me. I'm thinking of how to talk to her without making it sound like I'm attacking her. The last thing I would want is to sound like I am not supportive.

[mykell]

your friend needs more than a friend now, they need professional help, do not play doctor, we all know what happens when you self medicate, please, please, please, try to drill this into her....nobody wants to see an "i told you so" scenario....just because you can work around it with the interweb does not make it safe !!!

[Aunt Kelly]

Wow. I don't really know what to say other than to concur with Mikell. The path your BFF is on is fraught with peril, medically and emotionally. She seems... conflicted, believing she wants something so badly that nothing else, not even the many risks involved, matters. You are her best friend. Maybe bank on that to address her potentially destructive path. I mean, were I in your place, I'd be pleading with her to be more careful.

Here's hoping you find a way, Amy.

Hugs,


Kelly

[Amy R Lynn]

Thanks all. I certainly won't try and play doctor, and I strongly advise that she doesn't either. I agree that this is a destructive path that is very dangerous. I think I'm going to have a heart to heart with her and her wife tomorrow evening. Even if that means she's going to be upset or mad at me. Its still better than the alternative.

[Suzie Petersen]

You are being a good friend Amy! Good for you.

- Suzie

[CONSUELO]

First, you are right to advise caution and I wish you luck in your conversation. She needs help and supervision through this difficult transition.
You talk of coincidence in knowing your BFF for all those years yet never sharing that you had so much in common.
Many years ago I was in graduate school with two people who transitioned. I was a young transvestite in those days and very much in the closet. My first friend went through the transition when in grad school. The medical people he was working with had him live as a woman for at least a year before effecting the transition. She came to school dressed in female mode and I believe she was taking hormones under supervision at that time. It was a cautious approach but she went on to have a successful career. My second friend was deep in the closet until late in life and then came out and continues successfully in her career.
We were a small group of students so it was remarkable that three of the group were TV/TG.
Best wishes in helping your friend.

[jennifer0918]

That's soooooooooo cool good for both of yous,this closet gets kinda lonely sometimes for me ....

[Sashauk]

Amy, I think you need to try to get your friend to realise that taking female hormones has little or no effect on a male that is producing normal levels of testosterone.

As you said she has already taken some of her SO's left-over ones and nothing happened. Not only would she have to get female hormones but also testosterone blockers which would be a hugely dangerous cocktail. I really hope you can persuade her to seek proper medical advice if she is determined to go down that route.

[LaurenS]

Wow how lucky are you!! makes you wonder if deep down you both sensed something in each other that added to the friendship.

i have frequently wondered this about many of my friends.

Amy, maybe a different tactic is necessary. If your friend is so adamant about transitioning, then what do they have to lose by seeing a therapist? It will make getting meds easier and cheaper, and, and maybe, just maybe, they will gain further insight into their feelings. I understand your friends certainty and apparent confidence to transitioning, but I only see upside in seeing a therapist, if I were in their heels.

I doubt the time frame will change, and it might even be quicker because of being able to get o the optimum dosage levels by having regular blood tests, not to mention the inherent risks by doing it blind.

bottom line is that they might reach their objectives quicker or at least safer and cheaper, AND learn something in the process. Sounds like win-win to me.

[ElleStreet]

Amy- now I'm not advocating self medicating but I'll try to give another perspective than 'self medicating is the worst thing you can do'.

I'm a part of another forum where self medicating is fairly common, there are a lot of transgirls there who, for some reason or another, have self medicated and with no problems throughout their entire transition. Why would they do that? There's a couple common reasons,

First there are people with no access to proper channels, either their environment is very hostile or their entire country is, so self medding is the best/only option they have

Then there's the time sensitive nature of transitioning, a lot of these people are teens and have been told to wait crazy amounts of time for even a first consultation (as in 6 months to a year most commonly) this is at a point in their lives (adolescence) when a year can be the difference between being naturally feminine to developing masculine characteristics, for someone who knows the want to live as a woman this can feel like 'enforced masculinization' hindering their chances at passing later in life which they view as an injustice

Another factor, I think, is the knock on effect of having all of these tgirls who have selfmedded successfully (I've yet to read of an accident or regret) these transgirls see a sucessful transition method and a solution to the problems that would be caused by going the proper way about transitioning and latch onto it as some kind of miracle

The medical problems do become more pronounced depending on age and physical activity/health. So please caution your friend if he's middle aged or sedentary.

As far as your friend is concerned, I think he either wants to just start transition asap or avoid having to talk to an outsider about his gender problems (but unsatisfactory reasons as far as I'm concerned but people aren't always logical).

All in all, I don't think your friend should do this (especially not so hastily). But try find out her reasons for wanting to go black market before completely dismissing them

[Amy R Lynn]

I will definitely take those into consideration. Thank you for the advice. I'm really trying to be supportive. I just don't want to see her hurt herself or compromise her health.

[Georgette_USA]

Amy, I think you need to try to get your friend to realise that taking female hormones has little or no effect on a male that is producing normal levels of testosterone.


I DO NOT ADVOCATE anyone to go the self medicating route.

But that is not true. My partner and I only took female hormones (no anti-T in the mid 70s), for about 2 years and they definitely had effects. Can not remember the levels we took, but would not put those out here if I knew. Of course after SRS they had much more effects to go.
Without any others to confirm or deny what was done in the mid 70s, that is my life.

[Shelly Preston]

Amy Please tell your friend not to take hormones.

(they are not suitable for everyone and it is not a requirement to take them).

Some doctors will flatly refuse to treat anyone self medicating.

Before anyone gets hormones the doctor wants to know base levels, which they can not do if the person self medicating.

Please tell your friend to go through the correct people, Therapists etc.

They are there for a very good reason.