The duality of character. I am a male body builder

[Samantha Sometimes]

So even though I hate it sometimes. I am seen as hyper masculin. I'm not a "bro" by any means. But I payed for colledge by playing football and I still weight train every day to this day. Since I was 9 I wanted to dress like a woman. Since I can remember I wanted to be a woman. But my other half revels in lifting weights running fast and all that. I am at odds with myself and I seem ok with it. But what is gonna win?

[Jenniferathome]

Both are ok. Women can be jocks too

[Lana Mae]

You are OK! Women weight lift and all that. I met the second place female body builder in NC! She was pretty but very muscular. Hugs LanaMae

[Seana Summer]

I am not sure if this will help you or not but here are my thoughts. I too am very masculine in my appearance, though not a body builder, I have the unmistakable broad shoulders, narrow hips, height and big feet and hands of a man. I can not pass as a women.

I came to the conclusion that I am me, and sometimes a wear a skirt and heels, nylons and all the rest. The win for me came in the realization that its ok to be me. There are many other men, and women, out there with the same unexplainable feelings. Enjoy life.

[phili]

Yep, it is totally understandable to feel like both men's and women's worlds fit us. We were little beings who wanted to be both soft and yielding and strong and persuasive. It is in the human nature to do that, and while a lot of people seem to be ok with sticking to one side or the other there are lots of us who really still feel like we ought to be able to switch at will. We need to make a refuge city for transfolk- that would make a very interesting and agreeable culture.

[StephanieM]

I think we all are Joker from full metal jacket in some regards, we have born to kill on our helmets and a peace sign. Everyone is like that in some way whether they CD or not.

[Samantha Sometimes]

No it's bad I am more or less a body builder. I'd shave if I could but I'm also half Cuban people would notice right away

[Brandy Mathews]

Samantha,
I understand what you are saying and going through. The ones that are older here, know and realize that it can not be easy sometimes. You have people here that just enjoy both ways, dressing like a female, then going back to their regular lives. I love dressing so much, but have to admit that if it wasn't for family or the way that society deals with us, I would be more open with it, and I would love to so bad. I give all of you so much credit to show your awesome pics on here, so nice. I just can't do it and I hate that so much.
Hugs,
Bree :)

[windshear]

@Samantha Sometimes,

It sounds like your "hyper masculine" side is an image you've created to live up to the expectations of others, that you resent that image and by extension the expectations that demanded you to create it.

Its not all bad, though. In it, you've found something, an activity you truly enjoy- body building. You just dislike the social expectations placed upon you.

I just wrote a post in another thread that may be relevant to your plight, hopefully I don't end up regretting it:
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?246194-Don-t-want-to-be-a-man-anymore-do-you&p=4045727&viewfull=1#post4045727

[Tracii G]

I totally understand what you are saying.
Learning to keep a balance between the two personalities is key.
I have to deal with that every day.

[Becky Blue]

How you look and how you feel do not have to be connected. You can look like a macho male bodybuilding type but feel completely like a woman inside. You can also live happily in the duality of feeling and dressing/being a woman sometimes and be a happy male at other times. There is also a chance that over time you may find yourself feeling more feminine.

[Billy]

You might have an advantage. A big muscular man can wear whatever they want. Pink, frilly, fur. People stereotypically just assume that you are so manly. You could introduce something simple like a scarf or whatever and it could turn into a good conversation piece. People won't automatically assume you are a crossdresser or less than masculine. If someone questions you wearing pink you could simply say I like pink what is wrong with pink? Don't you like pink? My son that is very fit and toned and wrestles in college has been able to wear questionable colors for many years. He looks very good in colors that my generation would have never worn in public.

[DrFabulous0]

Sport and fitness are important to me, my main sport is cycling, which not only leads to a slim, athletic figure, but also provides an excuse to be shaven all over. Maybe you should try it.

[Happygirl!]

Sport and fitness are important to me, my main sport is cycling, which not only leads to a slim, athletic figure, but also provides an excuse to be shaven all over. Maybe you should try it.

Also a cyclist, and endurance junkie. These sports tend to lean one out. But depending on body type, some guys are just more muscular and prone to building up bulk, especially if you're lifting heavy weights. And this may or may not create an inner conflict if you're one of us girls. I guess you'll have to be at peace with your dissonance, and if not, then try to change your workout routine to something more likely to develop a svelte physique.:)

[GretchenM]

Hi Samantha,

Lots of good responses to your inquiry and I don't have much to add. But your mixed feelings regarding what is perceived as two extremes is not unusual. It is difficult for sure, but not unusual. I recommend you might want to read a book about this subject. It is called "Wrapped in Blue." Don't remember the author, but it is about a top athlete who transitioned. Perhaps the transition part is not all that relevant, although it does describe in detail what it is like to fully transition, but there is a lot in the book about how the author and now transwoman dealt with the conflict of being a top athlete and feeling incredibly feminine at the same time. Your solution might ultimately be different, but the book should provide a foundation for figuring out what is best for you and being more comfortable with who you are. Your mixture might turn out to be a wonderful blessing. For many of us, it is, even though it isn't easy to live that way in a society where most people think men should be men and women should be women. Still can't figure out exactly what that means.

Gretchen

[SarahleeNH]

Provincetown is pretty close to that refuge city imho. While I wouldn't feel comfortable with a beard and wearing a dress, I truly feel there is a great deal of latitude that is acceptable.

And I totally understand the duality many of us must deal with all the time. It's our burden to bear, and it's inexplicable to me just why I am as I am.

[Gwyneth]

I as Samantha (not with college scholarship) played a lot of football and other sports as a youth. I've added some middle age spread (love handles don't look that good on a man, but a girl!) but still have a thick neck and shoulders. And the muscled up women usually take some hormones to achieve the over the top build. And a masculine look along with it. We are wanting to get rid of that masculine look. At least I do. I probably could stand a wtf mumble, but a "there's a man wearing a dress" comment is not what I'm after. But me skipping around in size 11 pumps and a 17 1/2" neck and an LBD might trigger just that.

[Gabby6790]

I hear ya, and sometimes I feel like it is is tougher for gals like us. I honestly feel that if I didn't think I looked all foolish dressed it would be much easier to come out to my SO.

Two things though, one as a bodybuilder you have the perfect excuse to go hairless.

Two, have you thought about changing to your training plan to work on a more feminine body. I am hoping to do this soon. I was on a crossfit regime the past couple of years and I honestly didn't like some of the results (I tend to gain muscle bulk quickly). I think when I start back up I am going to focusing on the fem side (getting leaner, butt, and abs).

[Gwyneth]

Back in the day when I was doing any weight lifting, it was said that heavy weights and few repetitions would build muscle size but lighter weights and many repetitions would result in small muscles. Does that method still hold? Or if anyone has some feminizing exercise I am open for suggestions.

[ClosetED]

Another Forum member, now 70, had been a body builder and had taken steroids. Ended up with larger pectorals / breasts but it took a toll on the body. No reason you can't be very fit, shave your body like I see in the Fitness magazine, and also present like a female body builder.
Hugs, Ellen

[KateSpade83]

I got a Planetfitness membership but if I workout I focus on High Strength / Lean and Mean muscles without the Bulk. I classify it as NINJA muscles of deceptive underlying strentgh. Check out the books I bought for that in Amazon... Yes, two of them are strength training for women!
271012271012

[KimberlyJean]

In my late teens through my twenties I powerlifted. At around age 30 I peaked at 265lbs with a 450lbs benchpress. I feel now that I was just trying to over compensate for my girl side. A decade or so ago I shifted to running, biking, and calisthenics, I am finally down to around 210ish and a size 12 dress size. I am however still very athletic and in very good shape, I got a first place in my age group for a 10k not very long ago. You can accommodate him and her if you find the right balance. Most important you need to decide what you want the most. If I could go back in time I would put those big weights back on the racks and stay smaller.

[TrishaLake]

I crossfit every day, and I am considered Masculine by my friends. I like being a guy sometimes and I love being a women sometimes...

[Allison Chaynes]

It took years but I realized I am both. My masculine side? Multi sport athlete in high school, two sport scholarship letter winner and all Conference in college at the D-1 level, hunter, paratrooper, Iraq vet, Army officer, firearms trainer and survival author. Yet, I currently work as an associate at a VF outlet and often am assigned the women's sections of the store for my daily area to work, I underdress 24/7, and have a feminine side that doesn't get out as much as she needs to.

[Tracy Irving]

Back in the day when I was doing any weight lifting, it was said that heavy weights and few repetitions would build muscle size but lighter weights and many repetitions would result in small muscles. Does that method still hold? Or if anyone has some feminizing exercise I am open for suggestions.

It doesn't build smaller muscles. The traditional answer has been that it will result in more tone and definition. Many studies have found that those beliefs are now invalid. A little research on the web will show you exactly what you are looking for.

[curvious]

As a bodybuilder I keepmy body shaved, I can wear leggings/tights to the gym and no one questions me. I can wear women's Y-back tank tops and no one give it another thought because I have a built physique. I hope you are taking advantage of that :)