Does The Public Really Care???

[deebra]

Just go to the mall, watch T.V., the beach, anywhere people gather and you will see a lot of haircuts, clothing, piercing, tattoo's, etc. that one would think are unaccepting to society but these folks that have them have no shame about showing them in public, as a matter of fact they are proud of their appearance and have the confidence to present this way. It seems that the public has accepted these folks; that they respect their right to dress as they please and it's nobody else's business so show good manners, say nothing and don't stair; just show them the respect they show you.

Would crossdressers be treated the same; or better??? Threads on this site have shown that a good number of women are O.K. with men wearing women's clothing; this could be one or two pieces or more. Lets go simple, if a man wears girl jeans and boots what's offensive about that? Looking at other CD sites some CD's look like female cover girls, much better than they do as males; why would anyone want to begrudge them?

Is it time for us to get over being afraid? Start being seen and dressing as we want, just like so many others?

[Krisi]

What are you expecting out of life? A wife and children? A good career? Friends?

People at the mall tolerate "odd" people because most of them don't care enough about what strangers do to make a scene. They still notice and once you've passed by they turn to their partner and say "Did you notice that guy in the tight jeans with green hair? He must be gay." Or "That woman that just passed us was really a man in drag."

Of course, if we don't know these people, it doesn't make a difference. If you are far from home or your presentation is good enough that your own mother wouldn't recognize you, you're fine.

The problem comes when your dressing gets out and becomes public knowledge. You may embarrass your wife and/or children. You may embarrass your boss or company. If you are supposed to be in charge of others at work and they find that you commonly prance around the local mall in a miniskirt and fake boobs, they may not take you seriously when you tell them what to do. Of course if you are stocking shelves at Walmart and have no wife or children (or living parents), you are pretty much free to do anything you want as long as it's legal.

My point is, anything we do in life has consequences. Think about what you are doing and how it could affect your future.

[Micki_Finn]

There's a BIG difference between tattoos and wild haircuts and cross dressing. Yes I'm a perfect world everyone should be accepted no matter what but we are living in a FAR from perfect world.

[I Am Paula]

For quite a few years I pushed the envelope HARD. I looked like a colour blind gay peacock, and freely mixed what is considered acceptable male/female attire and demeanor.
Perhaps it is because I was in Toronto, one of the world's most liberal cities. Maybe people talked about me after the fact. When you look like Liberace on drugs, you tend to ignore things like that.
Bottom line...nobody commented (to my face), nobody cared, and, contrary to what I was attempting, I really don't think anybody noticed.
Caveat- I would not try this in some of the crazier states.

[Abbey11]

I was out for a couple of hours shopping today, walking around a mall, other than some polite smiles I had no nothing notable from any other shopper, went into stores tried on dresses, was a great and wonderful experience, I may even post a new thread of my adenture at some point, so back to the original question, no I don't think the public care, even walked past a couple of groups of roundy teenagers, maybe slightly older than school age and didn't get a second glance :D

[phili]

I live in a liberal area, and the public doesn't care. My hardware store guys don't even ask why- what's the point? Even where the general feel of a small town is antagonistic to LGBTQetc, many members find that people end up deciding what kind of neighbor they want to be, in favor of tolerance, and focus on what kind of person you are.

This was evident to me when I worked in rural WY in 1965, a local woman on the ranch basically looked like Elvis, and surprised the gas truck delivery guy, who said 'OMG, a morphrodite [hermaphrodite]", but to all the other men around, Doris was the most honest, reliable, hardworking person they knew, and the core of small town value here was whether you could be depended on. She had a pair of nylons, but I have no idea when she actually wore them- perhaps to church.

Yes- if you are not yet married, it is far better to be out before you get married, so your wife will come from one of the 15% of women who don't find it a problem. But there are enough reality shows now to demonstrate that for the average woman, including conservative ones, at some point the deepest cultural answer is still to support.

Listen here -gossip circle over coffee-

'Dang it, gals- my husband turned out to be one of them trans' folks, and some could shout fear and shame, but I love that man! I'm standing by him in his hour of need, just like any good wife. I offered him curlers, but he declined. He's still got some good sense! In fact, yesterday he found the place that raccoon was getting in under the house and trapped that critter in no time."

[Judith96a]

It's one thing to crossdress for a trip to a shopping mall where you will, most likely, encounter only strangers. Something entirely different to say to your wife "Honey, the girls at work are all wearing summer dresses, I think I'll wear a dress and high heels to work today. Yes I know I've an important meeting but..."

Some days, I'd love to come to work as Judith - I don't mean sneak something girly into my wardrobe but rather wig, makeup, dress, heels - the whole 9 yards, no half measures either - get a professional makeover so that I'd look as convincing as possible. No matter how comfortable I may be in a shopping mall 100 miles from home, no matter how CD-friendly policies at work may be (and they are) it's not happening, not unless I want to throw away every semblance of respect and informal authority that I've built up over the past X years.

[Billy]

Judith,
How do you think the employees of the company would respond if the male president came in to work as a lady?

[Meghan4now]

"The Public" is not a homogeneous entity. Therefore reactions vary widely from person to person. The public doesn't care because the public is not a sentient being. As far as business being CD friendly, I image there are some, like beauty salons, etc., but most are not. They may be TG friendly, but that is totally different. Change or not, none of this I am a women today and a man tomorrow stuff. Too hard to keep up with. People like labels, it's safe, it's easy, and doesn't make you think too hard.

[Jaylyn]

Sometimes I think it's what's really inside of us as to whether we feel accepted or not. It seems those on here that dress and go out, have fun and post about it usually do just fine. Very few of the post are about people not being accepting. I wake up in a different world every day it seems about if want to underdressed or not. Then I think hey all I'm doing is going out to the farm to check on things yep I'm underdressing to the tops. If I'm going to town and walking the mall wife the wife I'm more careful about the underdressing, maybe only panties with my long tailed men's shirt tuck in. Sometimes I might wear panty hose but only if my boots are worn. In my upbringing I was taught to be a tough man and provide for the family. In that time the men just wore the clothes of the trade they were in. Dad was a farmer and rancher on a very large spread. I had to sneak around to dress behind his back, mom let me play in her things way too long in my growing up. I was raised to be a tough old male by dad this is where I'm stuck in my mind, mom showed me the tender side of me. Thus I wake up every day on one side of the fence or the other. I woke up this morning thinking I would love to be out and be wearing heels and dressed over the top, but then I thought oh we have to run into town, so panties on and wranglers, boots and my hat. Our surroundings determine what we wear or at least for me.

[ClosetED]

The public, defined as people who only see a person from a distance, don't really care. From stories here, even those who would beat up a CDer, didn't cross a street or entire mall to confront a CDer. But get into the personal space of some (that distance varies by person) and they may care enough to stare, to comment to people with them, to comment to you, or to confront. And the uncanny valley theory, eg robots that look close to human, cause a more significant bad reaction to humans. So they add features to make the robots look more attractive, such as large eyes. So a man wearing girl jeans and boots may not set that off, but one dressed to the nines but a beard might in certain towns (Phili, Billy). Those lucky enough to be pretty like Valery may pass unnoticed.
We who grew up with the large anti-gay prejudice and saw all the tranvestite killer movies, know the public was not accepting. It is probably better, and we should try to push the envelope, but feel safest in the closet. I thank all who push on our behalf, as it will make it better.
Hugs, Ellen

[I Am Paula]

Judith,
How do you think the employees of the company would respond if the male president came in to work as a lady?

Kristin Beck, with no announcement at all, showed up at her job at the pentagon fully female. I imagine that the pentagon is as 'old boys club' as anything can be, but they accepted. (Leaving out the fact that a Navy Seal can kill you with an eyelash curler.)

[pamela7]

last January I went to a formal Burns Dinner hosted by the local masonic society - i was a guest of a mason - and after a brief silence when i entered, all continued as normal. The people on my table were friendly and interested, even supportive. Having said that, the absence of an invite this year might just be defeaning. So, you will win some and lose some. I don't think they care unless they are directly affected. There is a good reason to be concerned about gender bias in workplaces, because pay gaps are real, implying a strong (false) sense of unequal abilities there. There are consequences.

[IleneD]

Only a very few times out into The World. Almost all experiences have been quite positive.

I went out yesterday to run errands. Went to ULTA, the Dress Barn, Maceys Dept Store and finally made a stop at JoAnn's fabrics to buy materials. In my stroll through the store, I had one GG shopper graciously smile and move her cart to allow me to pass the aisle. I stood in a fairly long line of mostly mature women. Of course, no one said a thing or stared. A few, I sensed, were trying as hard as possible to NOT look; but I never got a sense of ire or contempt. Quite the opposite. As I was standing in a line of half a dozen "other women", (for one of the first times ever) I actually felt normal and not out of place.

As for sales assistants, store personnel, people in adjacent cars at stop lights, or mothers herding kids along a sidewalk....... they don't care. For the most part they don't even know you. And if someone is alerted to your presence as "a man in a dress", just think to yourself that you've "made their day" by giving them something to tell their friends.

[Ozark]

IreneD---- " And if someone is alerted to your presence as "a man in a dress", just think to yourself that you've "made their day" by giving them something to tell their friends."

A friend who went to Las Vegas related the experience of being in Vegas dressed. Same thing.. Think of the stories they'll be telling about their Las Vegas experience... we met a swell person who turned out to be a crossdresser. ....

[Krisi]

Judith,
How do you think the employees of the company would respond if the male president came in to work as a lady?

The director of my division at work used to go to the retirement dances and get drunk. Very drunk. He would get down on the floor and do the "worm" (a so called dance). People did not have a lot of respect for him.

I suspect if he had shown up as a "lady", it would have been the same or worse.

[NicoleScott]

Many women say they have no problem with crossdressing men, just not MY man. It's the NIMBY thing.

[Jenniferathome]

Micki, I think your choice of "a great number of people" phrase, greatly over estimates the real world. While it is true that SOME people feel this way, I would characterize it as a tiny, tiny percentage of the population with whom we may interact. And then those that might actually say something or express outwardly their view that cross dressing is "wrong" cuts that percentage down even more. It's a fart in the wind.

The world is certainly not rosy but it is not to be feared.

[docrobbysherry]

Deebra, if u wear androgenous clothing out and that satisfies u? Great! But, I have no interest in presenting any way except dressing all the way or not at all. And, many other T's r like me.

The result of that is, if u visit vanilla venues, u will be made. Unless you're that one in 100 that passes regularly. The result of being made is, whether good or bad, u receive attention from everyone who notices u. I know a number of T's who r social, outgoing, and revel in that attention. I do NOT, however. Which is why I do not visit pedestrian venues dressed if I can avoid them. :straightface:

Visiting clubs, bars, and at group T events, it's easy to blend in no matter how racy I'm dressed because so many there come to see and be seen. I never have worry about being the center of attention.:thumbsup:

Of course, Sherry is another matter all together!:brolleyes:

[Lorileah]

The following content is NOT allowed ANYWHERE on the forum and will be deleted. Religion of any sort, no exceptions This thread will close quickly

as far as acceptance I was told this quote years ago and it's still true
People have an agenda. As long as you don't interfere with their agenda no one will care. Stay out of people's agenda...it's that simple. Do your thing without making a big deal of it


Judith,
How do you think the employees of the company would respond if the male president came in to work as a lady? Well if they want to keep their job, they would shut up and do their job. Simple?

[DIANEF]

Fact is you can get different reactions on different days. One day, nothing, another, a gang of teenagers can spot you and if they are inclined can make things very uncomfortable. And just because someone ignores you doesn't mean they haven't clocked you and might have a chuckle at your expense. It would be great if we could all walk around freely without a care in the world, that day may yet me a long way off.

[Stephanie47]

My wife and I do a lot of outings together. We observe a lot of people attired or presenting themselves in many different manners. We see some people with a lot of tattoos. We see some ill attired by any standards. Do we says anything to them? No, but we may make a comment about their perception between us. We were together once when we did see a cross dresser who was dressing for shock or to be noticed. I saw him twice in public. Nobody really stared at him. Nobody made any comments to him. I'd put him in with any other persons I encounter. If there is no reason to strike up a conversation, then why would I create on.

[sara66]

The public as a whole doesn't care, other than a passing glance which is quickly forgotten. Even if you are wear a purple hippo outfit. As long a something(or anything) doesn't directly affect most people just move on. However it is your SO, friend or family that becomes something different. I know there are exceptions, one jerk who takes to get all macho and too many who are always offended. But usually the worst is a snicker behind your back.
Sara

[Billy]

The director of my division at work used to go to the retirement dances and get drunk. Very drunk. He would get down on the floor and do the "worm" (a so called dance). People did not have a lot of respect for him.

I suspect if he had shown up as a "lady", it would have been the same or worse.

I think a drunk squirming on the floor doing a worm dance would not probably be given as much respect as a reputable person that crossdresses. From what I have read here, a crossdresser will always be a crossdresser. From what I have learned in life a drunk will always be a drunk. I would rather be around respectable crossdressers than idiotic drunks.

[justnikki]

I don't think the public really cares. If they do it's a moment in time that passes in seconds. I'm far more conscious and self critical then that moment in time.

Having just come out to my wife in December and with full acceptance I have been getting a little adventurous and started buying my own clothing (in drab). Just yesterday I was at Nordstroms Rack and tried on a pair of knee high boots and got numerous second glances from men. With my heart racing I glanced up trying to be embarrassed and the guy gave me the thumbs up. This took the edge off my first experience in shopping for boots/shoes.

However, this is all new to me having been in the closet for 30 years. 30 days out to my wife and loving the freedom.

Honey.

[Majella St Gerard]

in my experience the public could give a hoot as long as you don't look like a clown. Since I've been going out dressed 100% I have only positive responses.

[lingerieLiz]

In Atlanta there was a Successful CD who wore women's clothes to various degrees. He went to country clubs, work. and dates as he pleased. His girlfriend said she loved to hear his heals on the sidewalk when he came to pick her up.

I'm not sure it matters where you live. If you are a reliable friend people will accept you or avoid you depending on their ability to accept. I've always been lucky with acceptance. Rednecks and all.

[Sometimes Steffi]

All of the public cares some of the time, and some of the public cares all of the time.

[Rogina B]

Kristin Beck, with no announcement at all, showed up at her job at the pentagon fully female. I imagine that the pentagon is as 'old boys club' as anything can be, but they accepted. (Leaving out the fact that a Navy Seal can kill you with an eyelash curler.)

In my experience,sometimes the "this is me,so deal with it" is the right approach with "possible hard cases". In the 12 years that I have been socially transitioning,I have put myself out there to a lot of closed minded people.I stand my ground and never flinch as I am being me. People who don't know me are easy in that they don't know "what's in my panties and I am not telling". My perspective as someone that enjoys living an "out" life and the challenges that go along with it. It is not a big deal unless you make it one.

[StephanieM]

I believe most people don't care. Yeah there may be some who think bad things if they notice you, some may laugh after you pass them, and many will tell their friends about the dude in the dress they saw today. The few times I've seen a CD in public I've thought good for you I wish I had your confidence. I haven't seen people pointing and laughing, no one harassing them. maybe a few smirks after they pass by but nothing too major.

[sometimes_miss]

Ahh, the old pink fog is so strong.

Bottom line...nobody commented (to my face), nobody cared, and, contrary to what I was attempting, I really don't think anybody noticed

I was out for a couple of hours shopping today, walking around a mall, other than some polite smiles I had no nothing notable from any other shopper, went into stores tried on dresses, was a great and wonderful experience, I may even post a new thread of my adenture at some point, so back to the original question, no I don't think the public care, even walked past a couple of groups of roundy teenagers, maybe slightly older than school age and didn't get a second glance :D

I live in a liberal area, and the public doesn't care. "

I think a drunk squirming on the floor doing a worm dance would not probably be given as much respect as a reputable person that crossdresses. .

Since I've been going out dressed 100% I have only positive responses.

I haven't seen people pointing and laughing, no one harassing them. maybe a few smirks after they pass by but nothing too major.
There you have it. The world is just fine with crossdressers. Because these six people have experienced it as such, then it must be so.
The PINK FOG is thick here, oh, so thick.

The world is certainly not rosy but it is not to be feared.
This is the pink fog effect that gets people killed. Yes, it still happens.

Fact is you can get different reactions on different days. One day, nothing, another, a gang of teenagers can spot you and if they are inclined can make things very uncomfortable. And just because someone ignores you doesn't mean they haven't clocked you and might have a chuckle at your expense. It would be great if we could all walk around freely without a care in the world, that day may yet be a long way off.
^this is about as close to reality as I see on this board.

Yes- if you are not yet married, it is far better to be out before you get married, so your wife will come from one of the 15% of women who don't find it a problem.
Again, an unsubstantiated statistic. If, indeed there were so many women who 'don't find it a problem', there would be 'straight girl/crossdresser' dating sites, night clubs, etc.. There aren't any. Anywhere. Despite the fact that many of us would pay large sums to find a woman who will love us the way we are. There are plenty of investors out there, who recognize an opportunity. There are plenty of straight person dating sites, a new one pops up every so often. None for us. Zero. If there was a waiting supply of women who would date us, there's a fortune to be made, yet NO ONE has started a dating site for straight girls/crossdressers? Not even a GG ladies/crossdresser night where the straight women drink free advertised? Nowhere? How come?
That requires an explanation. Seems a bit fishy to me if there indeed are so many women who 'don't find it a problem'.
It's more like this:

Many women say they have no problem with crossdressing men, just not MY man. It's the NIMBY thing.

There are (probably, judging on the 2.5% stat in surveys that really counted, such as Kinsey) MAYBE 3 million men in the U.S. alone that crossdress. So there's a whole lot of single crossdressing men out there, many who would be very grateful if they could find a mate. But it's not happening.
That requires explanation, and I have yet to see one coming.
Bottom line is, there's a huge difference between tolerating and accepting. And you won't know it until it's too late. As always, before squeezing the crossdressed toothpaste out of the tube, think about the absolute worst results. If you can accept that, then proceed. If not, you might want to reconsider what you're doing. While MOST people will happily try to ignore you and go about their day, it only takes one nutcase that feels you've offended their sensibilities, to make your life a nightmare. Sure, the odds are with you. But remember that if you lose, the consequences can be dire, and even deadly.
Be careful. You don't have to walk around shaking in your heels, but be aware of the consequences of your actions. Because, just because no one walks up to you and directly threatens you, there are plenty of people out there that will make your life difficult (at least) and you won't even know why you seem to have developed a lot of bad luck; for example, here are some things that you won't notice being done 'just because you're a crossdresser, and one person doesn't like you', but won't directly confront you either:
You're in a diner, and your food doesn't quite arrive hot, or it takes longer for YOU to get your food than those around you. You get your oil changed, and they put in regular old dino oil instead of the synthetic you ordered. You apply for a job, but don't get hired; when asked, they simply tell you they found a better candidate. You get notice of an eviction, landlord says his family member needs the apt.; said apt remains vacant 'while renovating', then the supposed relative 'changes their mind' and they rent the place to someone else. Now, when YOU search and try to rent a different apartment, again, someone else 'already rented it' or someone else was chosen; maybe the excuse will be that your references didn't write back, or your work didn't respond with confirmation that you were employed before the other applicant's did; whatever case, they will give a reason NOT related to you're being a crossdresser. Friends let their other friends baby sit their kids, but whenever you volunteer, seems someone else has already taken care of it, and when one of the kids needs a ride somewhere and both parents are very busy doing things, and you volunteer, all of a sudden the parents somehow find the time to do it themselves. Party and event invitations dry up or 'get lost in the mail', as well as how often people invite you to their house for ANY reason. You're in a hospital and they take other patients before they take you (no way to tell why, because priorities are strictly decided by the staff, and their decisions are covered by patient confidentiality). Job layoffs occur at work, and you are one of those chosen to be let go; how could they get away with that? By making your job unnecessary. They can then recreate it later on with another job title, and slightly different qualifications and responsibilities.
Those are just some of the things that can go on behind your back and you won't have any idea it's happening. I'm deep in the closet. But I've seen these things happen to other people that weren't considered 'normal' by this so called accepting population.

[Dana44]

I have to say this again. MY SO told me that when we are out, they see girl(me) and don't look twice. But in restaurants where they get a lot closer indeed one can be read and I must say the waitresses are very talkative with us and never asks about me cross-dressing. However they say how nice I look and being confidant and looking like I belong. They get a kick out of it. But on male waitresses, they call me a lady and mam. And they are very nice as well.

[docrobbysherry]

Wow, Lexi, u nailed it! Sadly, those r just some of the serious things non passing T's have to deal with daily in their lives.:sad:

Dana, if all I had to do when out is deal with SA's and waiters/waitresses I'd be out all the time. But, it isn't.

Let me repeat: When out alone in drab shopping, eating lunch, etc., etc. I'm used to being relaxed, left alone, and mostly ignored. I have no hassles, no drama, no center of attention. But, that is NOT what I get when dressed at vanilla venues. I'm continually being stared at, hear giggles, see fisheyes, and pretend not to hear and ignore derisive comments. I don't enjoy that, it's stressful. If u thrive on attention and drama? Then, go out dressed. But, it's NOT every dresser's cup of tea!:straightface:

[Lorileah]

also many of the same things PEOPLE deal with on a daily basis for many other reasons like how you dress, how you speak, how you look. All those things happen daily unless you are in the privileged class. The oil thing? Happens to women all the time. The food thing happens to the guy who looks homeless even if he has money. All those things can and do happen to people who aren't "T". So it isn't a "pink fog" issue, it's an issue with those who have been told they are better than in whatever form

[Gardener]

Could anyone disagree with your last sentence. It feels pretty sad that anyone feels inhibited from being themselves because of anxiety about how they will be treated, assuming that no harm us done to others. The trouble is that this total acceptance of the other is not completely widespread in society. That is why we may be cautious outside the safety of our own homes. Thinking about safety is important. If we are a member who can pass convincingly as a woman, well that is another matter.

[windshear]

I live in a liberal area, and the public doesn't care.

I'm not so certain. I think what happens in "liberal" areas is that the ridicule and shaming switches targets from you to a new local minority- the non-accepting. Like if many of us dress in public we would see social consequences, if the critics of our dressing in these areas were in any way vocal they would be outed on social media, doxxed, lose their jobs, and be shunned by society at large.

I don't find my acceptance at the cost of another acceptable. I don't think the same social pressures that say we shouldn't dress are the solution to the acceptance problem. And I'll warn the people complaining here about "binary gender norms"- society isn't going to swing much further in your favor than it is today. If you push too hard for your worldviews, if you mandate those views on the public, if you only ridicule and dismiss your detractors as backward or crazy rather than opening a dialogue with them, there will come a backlash.

History has shown society to be fickle, and prone to radical changes within mere decades. We're not hurting anybody, so lets not hurt anybody. Meaningful, lasting change happen slowly and organically. Forced change has always been subject to rejection and reversal.

[Billy]

I think I would rather be surrounded with liberty minded people than liberal minded individuals.

[Nicole Erin]

Most people don't pay attention to much of anything, like there is this Alzheimer's epidemic. Much less do they care what anyone else is doing.
So with THAT out of the way...


Judith,
How do you think the employees of the company would respond if the male president came in to work as a lady?

They would say -
"Ahh, so the boss DOES show up to work once in a great while"

Either that or everyone would be trying to act busy cause they were all scared since the boss is around.
There is that expression of "If you are doing what you are suppose to, you should not be worried about the boss"
OK but if that IS the case, how come managers and supervisors go into a frenzy over THE boss? Is it cause they are not doing what they are suppose to.

[Helen 2]

Personally, I think Sometimes Miss nailed it with this comment: "Bottom line is, there's a huge difference between tolerating and accepting."

Yesterday I spent about 5 hours out and about dressed. I've a very large mall 2 miles from home, but I went to another large mall all the way on the other side of PDX -25 miles away. Why? Because even though I was dressed to blend in black skinnys, 3" heel booties, a tan turtleneck and a longish sweater, I just did not want to tempt fate by running into someone I know, or a coworker by going to a mall close by. Most of the time in the mall was in at White House/Black Market who have a huge sale on. Spent probably 90 minutes in the store, tried six or seven dresses, bought 2 and the SA (whom I would propose to instantly if I were single...she was stunningly beautiful) was so accepting, content and obviously and genuinely happy that I came by. The older SA was just as comfortable with me as well.

Several GGs came and went while I was in the store. One of them was 'sharing' the common space of the fitting rooms and mirror lounge surrounding them with me and she too was just as fine with me being there as the SAs were. These GGs were definitely 'accepting'

Walking to MAC, a few people clocked me but no one was outwardly contemptuous, maybe just 'interested' would be a better word. No jeers, no giggles, nothing that would have made me regret that I was there and enjoying myself. I would say these were 'tolerant', but not 'accepting'

And the dresses.....I'll try to post pics later today :heehee:

[phili]

I have to admit all of the punishments that are possible do happen, but the frequency and acceptability of it are lower now than ever. I admit that I am free now because I own my house and I am no longer working. Despite that, I am thinking carefully about what I do locally since I am trying to increase my role as a sort of community organizer with our city in facility design. So far, femmy tops are ok. I hope to satisfy my needs more with artistic flair and borderline clothing around here, and really don't think it will be much fun to force people to accommodate to seeing me in a short dress and heels, much as I would like to have it be a love fest! Yes - I am calculating constantly who know who and what could they do to me if offended.

That said, I can go to the big city and be out and have fun. Never a problem after 10 trips. I figure if anyone local sees me there it is just not threatening enough to justify them trying to punish me locally. Individually they might turn me down on something, and if that happens, I'm not economically harmed, and I will step out of their power system, and go find something similar to do in the big city.

I think this is a decent guideline, as someone would have to be pretty low to see you somewhere away and come back home determined to make your life miserable. You have already shown your courtesy by being elsewhere. And on the positive side, SAs get to be broad minded and expand their social skills, we get to feel normal, parents have to think of what they are going to say to their kids, and overall we increase acceptability where acceptability exists.

Communities that are dominated by the feeling that liberals and their minority rights jabber are ruining the country might be physically safe, but crossdressing so contravenes conservative norms it is likely to provoke backlash actions wherever folks feel they have the majority with them. There is a complex unspoken calculation going on all the time about how much of a threat everyone is when they move out of the norms, and a similar calculation about the success of vigilante response.

[Billy]

In some instances some on the forum might care more than the public.

[StephanieM]

I agree Billy, however there are enough in the general public that being out in public could be dangerous.

[Majella St Gerard]

I understand how some here feel, I was there once. I feel that now I'm experienced enough to say the public doesn't care what you wear, the only one that cares is you, it's all in your head. You must be ashamed of who you are. Accepting who you are is key and not caring what others think. I am out and I don't let the world dictate to me how I should dress on my own time. I'm happy with myself and other people's opinions do not affect me. I go everywhere dressed and if I happen to run into someone that doesn't know I crossdress, then they will after that.

[Becky Blue]

I think most people don't care, but their silence doesn't mean support. I would think many people would be thinking phew luckily thats not my husband/boyfriend/brother/son/friend etc. There will always be haters as there will always be supporters too, most people are in the middle and don't have a high care factor either way.

In Australia we have a term called NIMBYs Not In MY Back Yard. For example I am ok with a new nuclear power station as long as its nowhere near to where i live. I would think that most people's attitude to us would be similar im ok with CDing as long as it doesn't involve my life.

[Kandi Robbins]

Is it time for us to get over being afraid? Start being seen and dressing as we want, just like so many others?

I can only speak from personal experience. Yes, yes, yes, it is time for us to get over being afraid. There will always be haters, whether it's because one is gay, TG/CD, black, Hispanic, heavy, a certain religion, etc... That's the world we live in. But if you are smart about what you do and where you go, if you are appropriate in how you present yourself and most importantly you are confident (act like you belong because you DO), no one will bother you. I have literally been in hundreds of situations/places, fooling no one and guess what? I've dined in restaurants alone and with others, sat at bars, shopped, been in the ladies room frequently, tried on women's clothing in the dressing rooms, done pretty much whatever a woman would do. Zero negative direct experiences. Have some people rolled their eyes behind my back? Probably. But I am universally accepted, am an active member of a church congregation (en femme), volunteer for a number of organizations, move freely wherever I wish. We all just need to chip away at this one day at a time.

[Angela010]

I don't care if people that I don't know do have a problem with me dressing in public. That's their problem, not mine. It probably helps that I'm fairly big and willing & able to defend myself if needed.

[Gabriella111]

It depends on where you live, I'm sure. I'm in one of the more progressives areas in the country, though right in the middle of an otherwise horrible anti-LGBT Red state. Still, people here Do Not Care. It's an incredibly eclectic mix of people, mostly educated, a lot of young people because of a concentration of universities, and a thriving LGBT community.

My guy is out in the open as a CD, for the most part. He rarely wears skirts in public, but has on occasion, always without incident. Otherwise, his style sends off what I believe most people read as a gay vibe. So, for me, I find it interesting to watch people respond to us in public, because we're very affectionate. Most people don't react. A few show a moment of "Wait, what?" when they see a pretty blonde girl holding hands with or kissing what they assumed to be a gay guy. But that's always immediately followed by indifference.

As for my friends, everyone has been accepting, even those who don't understand it. My closest friends have all utterly embraced him. One of my few female friends dated a CD a number of years ago, so this is nothing new to her. And my best friend (a guy), who I utterly adore, now hangs out with my BF, which I love more than words can express.

But it's his personality they love. He's cheerful, intelligent, and funny, and more than anything he's confident. It's a magnetic combination, and it's the thing that attracted me to him to begin with.

My family, on the other hand, not sure how that'd go over. A group of mostly fundamentalist Christians not known for being open-minded or tolerant, much less accepting, with a few notable exceptions (such as my sister, who wouldn't care at all). But I'm not close to them, so not sure when the occasion may arise that I'd mention it to any of them.

[Jenniferathome]

...there are enough in the general public that being out in public could be dangerous.

Is this not a true statement for anyone, anywhere, regardless of how one is dressed? Do you stay home because you fear terrorists? What about car accidents? Do you stay home because someone might insult you? No. We all go about our daily lives using the good sense given us to stay as safe as we can based on our own notion of risk.

Being out, cross dressed, among the "general public" is no more dangerous than being out not cross dressed.

[sabrinaedwards]

Krisi, you nailed it! That is why I perfer to dress where others do not know me and I can remain anonymous.
Love, Sabrina

[Krisi]

I think a drunk squirming on the floor doing a worm dance would not probably be given as much respect as a reputable person that crossdresses. From what I have read here, a crossdresser will always be a crossdresser. From what I have learned in life a drunk will always be a drunk. I would rather be around respectable crossdressers than idiotic drunks.

I understand why you would think that, you are a crossdresser. I don't think the general public feels that way and I'm just about certain the people I worked with wouldn't think that way. Many of them drank alcohol from time to time but I doubt many wore dresses in public.

As I posted above, everything you do in life has consequences.

[docrobbysherry]

Bottom line: Some of "the public" DOES care! If u don't pass and u go out willy nilly without a worry?:straightface:

It's U who doesn't care! Because stuff happens to everyone when they go out to vanilla venues. Angela may enjoy it, I don't!:thumbsdn:

[JamieQ]

In general I don't think the public cares. They clock us and move on. I have encountered a few sales ladies that did appear a bit uncomfortable. One was at a Goodwill and the other at a mall.

[daphne_L]

Most don't care as long as you don't make them care.

[Contessa]

I must live as me and go where I need to go. I do so on public transportation. I am just TG. But I make sure to look like the gender I am identifying as. I am not trying to attract men but sometime men are attracted to me. Men are usually the ones who disapprove because they don't want to like someone who looks like someone they are usually attracted to. So men who like women wont like you. Ladies won't approve when they think you are trying to get there man, so who do you think you are. Otherwise some may laugh and this is especially true with teens but there is nothing they can do to change me. I usually don't worry as long I feel I look good. Most don't care though.

[sometimes_miss]

I must say the waitresses are very talkative with us and never asks about me cross-dressing. However they say how nice I look and being confidant and looking like I belong. They get a kick out of it. But on male waitresses, they call me a lady and mam. And they are very nice as well.
You're forgetting that these people are depending upon YOU for their income, and are inclined to be nice to you in order to get a better tip.


I have to admit all of the punishments that are possible do happen, but the frequency and acceptability of it are lower now than ever.
Uh, YOU are in San Francisco. Move to Littletown, U.S.A. in the south or midwest and you're experience might be just a little different.

[delabole]

I have never had any problem trying new clothes on in shops. However, the real test is to wear straightaway as you go out of the shop into the street, the clothes you've just bought. I would in a distant town, but not in my own town - yet.

- - - Updated - - -

That is about the size of it. I go to a beauty salon 70 miles away for full body massage, and am perfectly OK going there in feminine mode - pink cheesecloth shirt, turquoise mohair pullover, soft light blue scarf, short skirt and frilly panties, necklace and bracelet. But not in my own town, where I've lived for 30+ years and fairly well known.