SO encouragement gone to far?

[Mark B]

When my wife caught me several years ago wearing her underwear, we ended up having a very long conversation and understanding of what was going on. She was comfortable in me wearing women's clothes. She mentioned that she always fantasized about being with another women. We go out shopping together, although me always in man mode, but with hose or stockings underneath and my pumps in a backpack. Just in case we needed to try things on. Most of the time if I liked something on her she would tell me to try it on also. We would have dress up day one day a week were I could get up, shower, shave, get dressed and stay dress all day till bed time. I have not worn wigs or make up until a few months ago. Last month we bought breast forms. This is where maybe my wife is pushing me more in some way I am not sure I want to go. See, I believe I am a man that enjoys being dressed in women's clothes. I love wearing 4" pumps, boots with heels, stockings, panties. Wasn't fond of wearing a bra that much. A few months ago she said I should venture outside dressed to see how I feel being seen. I am comfortable in being viewed as a man in female clothing. I have no desire to try to pass as a female, plus I am not sure if that is possible no matter how much makeup or hair I have. So I now have a wig and we went makeup shopping and she has been teaching me how to apply makeup. I still have a hard time putting sharp pointed pencil like things next to my eyes. My wife is wanting me to be more and more feminine. I do enjoy how I look and feel the while wearing the the breast forms and the small foam hip and butt pads. Makes my dresses look more complete. But to me, wearing a wig and makeup is not necessary. I do feel more and more feminine the more I do, but I don't need to feel feminine. I like being a man. She wants to go out and have dinner one night with me dressed and I have promised to do so. I have been out in public wearing leggings and high heel boots, but a floppy hat to cover my bald head. I been shopping alone while in man mode, and even had to ask a SA to zip the back of a dress I was trying on. I had no wig or makeup when I asked her to zip. I did have stockings and my breast forms on though. My pumps in my trusty backpack so I also had those on as well. So I was no doubt a man (ok I did have breast forms) wearing and /or trying on women's clothes and felt accepted. The cute SA even asked me to come back next month when they get in a new inventory. Sorry...back to my concern. I want to please my wife. She has been very supportive of my CDing. So since I really have no problem being a man but to please my wife should I go out more and try to present myself as a female? I am sure everyone will have different opinions on this. I believe a mass majority here would be offended that I even try to be a man yet dress as a women. Sorry, was reading another thread and...well. Am I being to protective of my manhood and should I love my wife and become more feminine?

[DIANEF]

I'm not at all offended that you want to be a 'man in a dress', I just wish I had a wife like yours!!

[Meghan4now]

I think you should change your signature. It implies the exact opposite of your post. A lesbian IS a female, and being trapped is a statement of being held against your will and that you desire to not be a man.

[Lorileah]

This is the opposite of most threads here and I think you are going to get a lot of "Wow I'll trade with you" comments.

Bottom line, what's good for the goose is good for the gander. We tell people to move slow with accepting wives. Let them find their comfort zone. It works that way for you too. If she is pushing you too fast or beyond your limits, ask her to stop or slow down. No one has to be molded to conform to another's mode. Works both ways. Caution is, you may lose what you have, especially if you abruptly tell her to stop. This is why you need to negotiate.

Good luck

[DIANEF]

Yes, didn't notice that, I'd change it too.

[Marcia Blue]

I can understand what you are saying. Sometimes I do not want to fully dress. Lazy cross dresser days, I call them.

Then at times I wish my wife was like yours. My wife is supportive, but has never wanted to go out with me dressed. Well, under dressed is OK.

You need to talk to her about your feelings and needs. You are a team and have to work together.

Hugs.

[Micki_Finn]

Have you TOLD her that she's pushing you farther and/or faster than you want to go? It's possible that she just assumes that this is what you want and are too timid/shy to talk about it. You would never push your wife into doing something she didn't want to right? She probably feels the same way. Just let her know that you need to slow down and catch your breath and that you need time to figure out where you're going with all this.

[oh to be rachel]

She has been very supportive of my CDing.

I almost want to say congratulations but I can see your concern. CD vs TS is a big difference. (or as the old joke goes. What's the difference between a CDer and a TS -- About 2 years.) But no one wants to be yanked down that path by someone else.

Have you asked her where does she see this going? Does she think a couple of years down the line you might be living as 2 women together?

[Lorileah]

in RE: above post. Tread carefully. Do not make this a sex thread

[Teresa]

Martha,
I can understand you reluctance to push too much if you're not sure where you are with your CDing, some of the finishing touches take some getting use to. I know when the wig goes on the guy disappears that is the best bit to me but if you still prefer to be a guy then it you may never take to it .

[greeneyes]

So I find that some of these things, or similar thing are things that I have done with my SO. She may be just suggesting things because she thinks you want to- but do not want to ask. It could also be that SHE has preferences to your CD'ing. So my SO was using water balloons in the beginning, which SERIOUSLY bothered me. LOL. I don't know why. He had never considered getting forms. So I did kind of initiate him getting them......and I initiated him going out, because I thought he would like it (which he did) but I didn't KNOW that. I just thought he might. I have made other suggestions so that he did not have to "ask" like...I don't care if you dress when I am not home..or asking an a question like "do you want to ______?" because I wondered if it was something he wanted to do but would be afraid he was pushing me too much.
Just open up a dialog and find out the motivation behind her requests. Communication is key! If either of you is feeling uncomfortable, you should have a conversation about it. :2c:

[Jenni Yumiko]

Be careful my ex who led me on my road to discovery started like that and I'm the end wanted me to be Jen 24/7. She is now happily married to my other friend (female)
At this point it could just be curiosity or a thrill. Pm me if you want to know the dirty details, but it became very apparent that she became more interested in Jen then male me.
Our relation started out like that and she initiated 99 percent of it after I "tested the waters" with her. This all started in the just friends with and interest for each other phase, your dynamic is different because she married a guy. Like I said it could be curiosity and without being able to discuss the private aspects I

[TrulyMe]

Talk to her. A marriage is based on open communication and mutual respect and understanding.

[Leslie Langford]

Hmmm...interesting twist here on the ancient curse "Be careful what you wish for, you might just get it!" Looks as if you've inadvertently opened up a Pandora's Box with consequences that you (and most of us here - had it happened to us) could never have anticipated, even remotely. :eek:

While your wife's über-enthusiasm in coaxing your inner girl to the surface in the ways you have described might make you personally uncomfortable, I would venture to guess that the majority of the Forum members here would see this "dilemma" as a variant on the theme of "First World Problems", and file it away as such.

Then again, this story has all the hallmarks of something that one would find in "Fictionmania" under a heading along the lines of "Crossdresser Sissy Training" or the like, so color me "skeptical". :doh:

[Meghan4now]

Well Lesilie,

I bit my tounge and didn't say that...."Dear Penthouse, I never believed it could happen to me....." :rofl:

It could be true though, ya never know.

[Krisi]

.......... Am I being to protective of my manhood and should I love my wife and become more feminine?

You should love your wife, of course but you don't have to "become more feminine" to be a crossdresser. You should learn to switch it on and off as necessary. I am a man but I'm also a serious crossdresser with all the goodies. I can pretend to be a female and act like one but I'm still a man.

Like most of the others have said, I envy you and your wife's attitude towards dressing. My wife tolerates it and shops with me but it seems the line has been drawn at going out in public as girlfriends or sisters.

[JenniferMBlack]

I have gone through a similar situation with my girlfriend. I was happy being a man in woman's clothing bit she encouraged me to go farther. It was with hesitation I did and in the end I am happy I did. I don't feel as though I am any less of a man because I have, and it is a lot of fun.
My advice to you is have fun with it as long as you are comfortable and don't feel like you are less of a man. No one is coming for your man card if they were you would have to give it up when you put on a dress.

[Gabriella111]

Just talk to her about it. Tell her how you're feeling about it and where your thoughts are, then ask her about her motivations.

I encouraged my boyfriend to go more femme and offered to go out on a date with him where we're both dressed/dolled up. He seemed excited to potentially do that, but he's not mentioned it since.

For me, it's not about wanting him to be more femme. I very much like his masculinity as well. (He was in a suit for NYE and looking so handsome, and that was great!) But I want him to know that I support him if he wants to take another step.

Her motivations may be different, but you won't know if you don't talk to her about it! And it sounds like it won't be too difficult of a conversation, especially compared to the conversations some others here have had with their SOs!

[gerri ray]

Just tread slowly. I'm in the same boat now also. My wife just suggested breast forms the other day. She wants to help pick them out, which I don't mind.
It is, surprisingly, overwhelming when your wife/SO totally processes the situation and then is helping to push you along.

[biannne]

I think many here would wish that their wives were like yours.
There many men that love just wearing women clothing without wanting to change to a woman. And there were others that want to change into a woman. If I was you, I Would talk to her and explain you feelings. I am sure she doesn't want you to do anything that you are not comfortable with.

[Trishpdxcd2]

Well, you have to do what is comfortable to you. Yes, we are all wishing we would be so lucky, but that is us not you. Just be open with her if you need to slow down. But you are lucky.

[Lana Mae]

As most have said, talk to her. Express your feelings on the matter and ask what her feelings and motivation is. You are partners in life and both should be happy and comfortable! Hugs Lana Mae

[Stephanie47]

Since your wife says she has always fantasized being with a woman I see this push as part of her fantasy with a safe partner. Yes, there are many many many cross dressers on this site who would love to have a wife make this request on occasion. As to going out en femme and emulating a woman, if you are not fully on board with her request perhaps wait until Halloween. A pleasant dinner date and a movie on Halloween is a great compromise.

[suzanne]

A marriage is supposed to be a partnership, with both parties having input as to what gets done, or not done. I like to say I am the principal shareholder in my life, with my wife being the holder of most of the remaining shares. The opposite is obviously true for your wife. Through honest, open, loving conversation, you two must find your own specific balance point in how much crossdresssing gets done. She must be made aware of where your comfort zone is an have respect for it just as you must articulate to her your true feelings. No beating around the bush, and no judging, should be permitted.

You are in a most unique position. Your wife wants you to do MORE dressing? Bless her little heart. Most of this forum would give anything to be have a SO like that, and they would obey her to the letter (I sure would!). It makes me curious about what her motivation is. (I think her attitude is fantastic, but it is uncommon. I'd want to figure what makes her tick, then bottle and sell it).

However you decide to answer this dilemma, I wish you all the luck and happiness in the world. I'm rooting for you both.

[ReineD]

I wonder if your wife has been reading CD forums where, you must admit, it is easy to get the impression that the majority do want to wear makeup, have feminine hair, etc, and they do want to pass as women in public. Or, maybe your wife has been getting the impression from somewhere else that you want to do all these things, and she is doing what she thinks will make you happy.

Have you told her straight out everything you've told us and that you want to be a man?

My SO and I had a similar experience in our very early days of dating. I thought that as a CDer he wanted to dress all the time and since I was ultra supportive (head over heels in brand new love), I kept suggesting that he should go upstairs and get changed, or we should go to this or that place dressed. I'm glad that my SO didn't think that I preferred him to be dressed and I'm glad he didn't go along with doing things I suggested, when he didn't feel like it. He instead told me to please leave it up to him as to when he should dress and how far it should go, and not to push him. I was surprised he said this, because I didn't think I was pushing him. I just thought I was being nice to him because this was what he wanted to do.

It didn't matter to me whether he was dressed or not, I just wanted him to be happy.

... and as it turned out, over time he did want to dress more and more. I perceived that the CDing eventually became his priority over me, and our relationship took a back seat for awhile. All is well now. It's been years and everything is back in balance again.

[mbmeen12]

Be careful my ex who led me on my road to discovery started like that
Bingo and spot on....And good words of advice. Though she may be helping I heard and had the same encouragement. One day she said if I ever divorce you I'd marry a woman. Well divorced and she is with a woman.

Other hand her intentions could be honorable but you wrote she had bisexual aspirations. My advice is; once you start down the proverbial pink highway there will be many off ramp of choices. Choose wisely, hope for the best and expect the worst.

//Kara//

[Fiona123]

Lorileah makes good points. That said you seem to have a good situation. Go slow, have fun (very important), be true to yourself and your spouse.

[immindy]

Maybe your wife is experiencing kind of a " big sister" thing ? She is trying to embrace and accept your feminine side and is doing so by trying to help you express it ?
Our , maybe she is a bit embarrassed with the concept of being seen with a " man in a dress" and is more comfortable with you presenting as a woman when you are dressed ? Recently I got a short hair cut because I prefer wigs do to my thin hair. My wife was uncomfortable as it made me look more masculine while I was wearing my night gown and robe , in the house cooking breakfast, as I only wear a wig when going out .

So just some thoughts. Hopefully as you talk with her and maybe even consider therapy you two will figure out what is comfortable for you both .

[Tracii G]

Some people have this "all in" thing with hobbies so this might be sort of like that to her.
I think I would just explain how you feel.

[ClosetED]

Certainly a discussion is best. What is driving her? Does she want you to be a feminine as possible to fit her desire to be with a woman, yet still be heterosexual. It may not need to be full time, but she might want you to be as realistic as her fantasy imagines her lover. Seeing yourself in wig and great makeup job might open your eyes to what can be done. It changed me.
Or does she want to push you to see how far you will go, to learn what is really inside you. Then, letting her know she is going too far/fast for you is necessary.
I'll trade wives :)
Hugs, Ellen

[Meghan4now]

Maybe she really doesn't like you dressing, doesn't want to say so, so she wants you to drink from the firehose. There is a form of aversion therapy that tries to create a negative connection with an activity, like say drinking, by cramming in as much of the activity/ substance as one can possibly stand until you're sick. Then after that you end up with a negative connotation and are "Cured".

This is a dicey form of "treatment", with similarities to conversion or reparative therapy. (Banned in Cincinnati after Leah's death).

I am not saying this is what she wants, but you might put it on a list of possible motivations that you listen for When You Talk.

[natalie_cheryl]

if i were in your heels id be in HEAVEN!! my so has gotten very comfortable with my Natalie side but she doesnt encourage it even half as much as yours does. so me personally i would do whatever she wants! LITERALLY

[Jenni Yumiko]

The grass isn't always greener.

[Sherrii]

As many have said, talking with her is a good idea. But be careful not to discourage her interest in your dressing. Maybe take it a little slower. On the other hand she is agreeing to and going along with your interest/wishes to dress, maybe you can go along with her wishes/interests a little too even if at first you may be a little uncomfortable. going out or going further in dressing maybe would turn out to be fun as you actually got doing it. Maybe agree to dress for so many days a week and one trip out a week or month or something. This might put a limit on it so you would know it wasn't going to be full time. Of course these limits could be adjust in the future if either of you wanted more or less. You don't want to lose this woman/situation that a lot of us would love to be in. It might be hard to replace both. I guess summing this up I am saying it might be worth it/fun to go along with her wishes as she is going along with you. Go for it and enjoy! Sherrii

[MissTee]

I would give her the benefit of the doubt. Could be that she wants to show support, and the only way she knows how is to show encouragement. Talk to her about it.

[CONSUELO]

Compared to the experience of many on this site you are very lucky. Think of what the alternatives could be. Talk and negotiate but celebrate having someone who is so supportive.

[Randee]

My SO and I have worked it out so that, non-verbally, she is totally in control of my crossdressing and she seems to like it that way. We have agreed that if she walks in on me dressed in women's things, she takes charge of what I am wearing. If she wants me back in male clothes she will simply tell me to change without giving a reason. She may be expecting company or just wants me as her man. Otherwise I am agreed to stay in what I am wearing until she gives me permission to change out of them, and I must ask. Until I have that permission, I am to stay in whatever outfit she has found me in, add additional pieces of her choosing, or change into something completely different. Like she might come home find me dressed in something femme, then decide we should change into our one piece bathing suits for a swim. Or if she is expecting friends she is comfortable with seeing me, she will have me put on a skirt or apron and serve them. I often have spent a lot of time at home just in leotard and tights. When she comes home, she keeps me in it and will sometimes change into a complementing outfit and we will both enjoy being dressed together. It has worked out pretty well. She doesn't have to look at me dressed if she doesn't want to. But if she feels like playing with me, it's by her rules. I kinda like it that way myself. Anybody else have a version of this?

[immindy]

Randee , I suspect these "rules" are your fantasy and your wife has agreed to try to work this all out for you ? My one caution is make sure you are listening and meeting her needs and fantasies as well , and If you and her start to get frustrated with your roll play be careful . Whatever may be the case , sounds like you are having fun and hope it all goes well :)

[HollyGreene]

I am quite envious because I DO like to try to present myself as a woman. However, I can understand your position too. You clearly had a secret from your wife until she found you out, but that has obviously unlocked a secret of hers, too. I imagine that she is taking advantage of the situation for her own benefit, and probably believes that she is supporting your desires at the same time. You don't have to do everything she asks, so tell her if you're uncomfortable about something. Love her and respect her, but make sure you get the same in return. You're really lucky; there's a lot of wives who would throw you out or leave. You have something really valuable there; a partner who understands something that thousands of women never will.

[Melanie W]

You possess the goose that laid the golden egg. You have permission and encouragement to be who and what you want to be. Take it as far as you are comfortable with and see where it is washes out. Find out your limits and feel it out. Damn, girl, you are living the dream.

[Dana44]

Well yes, If I have on a top with no bra, she tells me to put a bra on. She states that if you want to be feminine, live large and enjoy it. LOL

[Mark B]

Thank you everybody for you comments. As most of you mentioned I know how very lucky I am to be married to someone that accepts who I am and even encourages me so.

So we talked last night about her expectations and my comfort zone as many of you suggested. She said she was just trying to encourage me to think more about what I really wanted and how to go about doing it. She by no means meant to push me to the point I was uncomfortable. I did tell her that while I do feel more feminine when wearing make-up and a wig, but that it wasn't totally necessary for me, but I was willing to keep trying. And it does feel so much better that I look so sexy in my dresses when wearing my forms and a bra, and that I am comfortable with doing that, whereas before I didn't think I would enjoy it so much. We also talked about her sexual fantasy about being with another women. She said that she could never leave me for a women as she has her needs also. Which apparently thankfully I fulfill. She said that just seeing me dressed and knowing that she loves the man in that dress is enough for her. So, I am also getting more and more comfortable going out. We are now taking nightly walks with me dressed. I now come home and change almost everyday now. I typically wear legging or tights and my ankle high boots with a 3 inch heel. I wear my breast forms although the coat I wear conceals them. I also wear a knitted hat and a scarf tied around the neck. I have not been wearing a wig or make-up during these walks.. She wears tights and a more comfortable running shoes. We'll hold hands say hello to everyone that passes. We did once stop by a convenient store to get some coffee. The clerk didn't even notice when I pulled my wallet out of a small clutch purse I was carrying. She thinks its fun. I do too! We as a couple have yet to go somewhere with a lot of people with me dressed.

So we agreed that she keep making suggestions and I be honest with her if I feel uncomfortable with doing what she suggests. This weekend she wants me go shopping with her while dressed. Which I instantly agreed too without much thought. But, she said I have to wear make-up and my wig. I am seriously now considering it! I have been out enough to learn that I don't really care what others think. So this lucky guy/girl could be shopping with make-up and the wig this weekend with a very wonderful SO.

[fun4metoo2004]

I look at it this way. Your wife is supportive. It sounds like she wants to play with it more. Maybe it excites here to do it and helps her enjoy having you around like that. I go for it and have fun. You sound like you are comfortable in your mindset, so what the heck. Learn the ways of the force!

[nikkiwindsor]

Looks like your wife would like you to travel a path similar to Leah True...check out the below video and let us know what you think ;)

[Abbey11]

Sounds fun Martha and more relaxed having now had a chat about comfort levels. Good luck with the shopping and please update afterwards.

[Aunt Kelly]

Life is good, Martha. Live it!

[Jessica Thompson]

awesome, you should take her for a mani pedi.

[Karen RHT]

As was mentioned earlier, if you're both open, honest, and happy with each other that's all that counts. Kudos to you both.


Karen

[Mark B]

Looks like your wife would like you to travel a path similar to Leah True...check out the below video and let us know what you think ;)



Nikki, If I could only look that good as Martha. Ha! But, you could be right. Maybe in the near future. GOD! Did I just say that?




awesome, you should take her for a mani pedi.

Is this some sort of a pedicure? Please explain...oh hell, I'll just Google it!

[Julogden]

Life is sure funny: your wife married to a CD who isn't enthusiastic enough of a CD for her taste when there are so many who dream of having a wife like her. ;)

[FrankieB]

You should look at this in a very positive light. Many have said that they are jealous.
However, as long as you are comfortable with the situation then it hasn't gone too far. Like most things in life, once you start to feel uncomfortable then yes, perhaps it has gone too far.
My wife is more than positive and supportive. I have more of an issue, but I just put it down to normal social conditioning and what is generally perceived to not be acceptable. Something I am starting to get past. And I feel happier for it.
And I hope you do too.