The Wife Says She's Knows What I'm Up To!

[Judy-Somthing]

Last January told my wife that I wanted to wear a dress, she freaked, it went bad for about three months,
I went back into the closet and continued to dress in secret.

Then three weeks ago she found my sz. 13 pumps and freaked out again, I thought things will never be the same.
Well now she's been her old self hugging, kissing, whoopee and out to dinner.

I have a week off and thought I could get some Judy time in.

Today before she left for work she told me that I better get some off my chores done and not fool around.
She said she knows what I due when she's not around and has (hidden cameras)

I don't think she actually has cameras but they make them so dam small nowadays. ARRRRRRRRR

[Judith96a]

So, get dolled up and get those chores done! ;)

[Leslie Langford]

I look forward to seeing the videos from all those alleged hidden cameras appearing on the Internet one day!

Seriously, though - while this is likely an empty threat on your wife's part, you never know...One thing which is clear is that she apparently has some major control issues, and what she is telling you here borders on blackmail.

Is this really the kind of relationship that works for you, and one that you willing to continue to participate in?

[DIANEF]

I think I'd be looking for a divorce lawyer if I found out my wife had hidden cameras to spy on me,

[MissTee]

You could disrupt the camera feed by disconnecting the internet router (if they're wifi cams). Then again, living in Orwellian fear of big brother (or sister) changes the relationship landscape quite significantly. That said, if you get your chores/honey-do's done, it might not matter how you dress.

[ClosetED]

Or, if they are Wifi, then log onto router as admin and check which devices are connected. You could block them.
But it is not a great situation.
Hugs, Ellen

[emma30]

Hi Judy
If that is you in your profile pics then the cameras are there for tips ! You look gorgeous ! X

[Julie MA]

Be up front. Tell her what chores you plan to accomplish, and that you plan to have some personal time as well. If she doesn't ask what that means, and I am sure she already knows, that is tantamount to DADT approval. If she dors ask, tell her. As for the cameras, be clear that that's not acceptable. In other words, be honest about what you are doing, and insist that she be honest and trusting with you.

[Tracii G]

I would find the cams and toss them out on the front porch with all her clothes.

[Judy-Somthing]

When she found my heels she asked if I put on dresses and makeup and I told her I did and that I dressed a bunch of times while she was at work.
She didn't ask if it will continue, she probably afraid to hear the answer.

I don't think I want here to see me dressed.
I feel she might make negative comments on how I look in order to make me feel bad about dressing up.

[Meghan4now]

Well dear,

I think this is a great development. Quite frankly the time has come for the two of you to talk about the elephant in the room. I like Julie's thought here. One thing I would add is that you tell her that if she does not want to see you dressed, then she shouldn't be looking. And then dress as you want. If it is a deal breaker for her, then so be it. At this point she has already disparaged you, you need to be strong and not let her belittle you. "You not a man!""you look rediculous" "Your Sick". They may all be said. You need to stand strong and basically say "So, do you really think so?, The door is over there, and while I don't want you to go, I will not stop you either."

[docrobbysherry]

DADT is NOT sneaking, hiding, and lying. It means she knows and doesn't wish to see, hear about it, or participate.

Judy, when u stop feeling guilty and worrying about getting caught u won't believe how much more enjoyable your dressing will become!:D
Tell her u do dress, will continue to, and does she wish to discuss it? If not, ask her not to come home from work early without calling first. Don't be afraid to talk and act like adults!:straightface:

[mikayla1964]

Well dear i agree partially with everyone on the camera deal. Personally i think it was a fraudulent that. As for all the rest only you know your wife. We could say about of things but we don't either of you truly only on here. But from my point of view i wouldn't make no harsh statements. Just ask to see some footage. The rest is up to you to decide on how to handle it. But whatever you choose i wish you all the luck in the world.

[Hell on Heels]

Hell-o Judy,
So get some of those frickin' chores done!

The hidden camera thing? You'd know best if
she's bluffing or not.

To me, what she said is a good thing, although she "skirted"
around actually mentioning exactly what your doing, she's still
there with you.
When she comes home tell her which chores you've finished, and ask
her if she would mind turning the cameras off tomorrow.
Much Love,
Kristyn

[Kiersten]

I say get all dressed up and get your chores done. Enjoy yourself.

[raxdress]

I like your wife. Sounds like she has a great sense of humor. As for the cameras, most tiny spy cameras are wi-fi based, so just turn off your router after she leaves and you decide to get dressed. You can also shut down any computers as well as most tiny spy cams (the cheapo less than $100 spy cams) don't record to SD cards. But if her feed is disrupted, she will know you are onto her so yeah... maybe shutting the wi-fi isn't a good idea lol.

[Meghan4now]

See, I told you that Elf on a Shelf was a bad idea!

[greeneyes]

Judy, that is DISTURBING. I am a SO, and I find that very disturbing. That she could be watching you when she is not home??? If it is true, or not I think that is a form of emotional/ psychological abuse! I would sit down and talk to her about how that made you feel. It is okay for her to have expectations about what your responsibilities are around the house, but not to say she is watching you!! I do not think that is fair.

[Allsteamedup]

What is not fair is that your wife goes to work and you do not wish to contribute to the home by doing your fair amount of chores. Do you guarantee her any down time?

[greeneyes]

What is not fair is that your wife goes to work and you do not wish to contribute to the home by doing your fair amount of chores. Do you guarantee her any down time?

I think I said it was fair for her to have expectations about what responsibilities she's is required to do! BUT
No one should feel watched in their own home. that is ridiculous!

[Laurana]

Well....you've been lying to her for years. If the cameras are true she has the right since she obviously can't trust you to tell her the truth.

[ReineD]

It's disturbing that some members in this thread gave advice about disabling the camera rather than meeting this relationship issue head on with the wife!

While I agree that both partners have an obligation to contribute to all the household chores, this is easily verifiable by the fact that the chores are done or not done at the end of the day. There is no need for a camera!

But chores aside, if your wife needs a camera to determine whether you dress or not, then this indicates that she does not trust you. And a marriage without trust is not a marriage. It is a business partnership.

You are an adult and not a child. If it is important for you to dress when your wife is not there, you need to say so. You mustn't lie to her. If you have lied in the past, for example indicated or somehow led her to understand that you wouldn't dress at all ... while intending to dress when her back was turned, then she is operating under the false assumption that you will not dress. And she wants to hold you to your word. But, if you tell her that you understand that she doesn't want to be involved and you are happy only dressing when she is gone, then she will not expect you to not dress when she is not there.

You need to be honest, Judy. There's no other way around it.

If you decide that your wife cannot tolerate you being dressed even when she is not there and if you also decide that a relationship with her is more important to you than the dressing, then you need to honor your word if you tell her that you will no longer dress. Or, go back to my other suggestion, tell her that you cannot make that promise to her because dressing is too important to you, and allow her time to come to terms with this even if she is angry about it and even if the time it takes is uncomfortable for you.

In the worst case scenario, if your wife threatens divorce unless you stop dressing entirely, you can repeat that you do NOT want a divorce, that you do NOT want to involve her with the crossdressing, that you do love her and want to continue to be her husband, and that if she wants a divorce then it will be up to her to take those steps against your wishes, but that you also do not want to go behind her back and lie and make promises that you do not intend on keeping, then so be it. Let her take the steps to divorce you because there is nothing you can do about that.

Either way, there is no need for any camera unless it is for both of you to monitor the home while you are gone, or while someone else is doing work inside the home while you and your wife are not there.


So ... having said all that, the fact remains that we've only just heard your side and not your wife's. Are there other things at play here. For example it sexual for you and does your wife feel as if an aspect of her relationship with you is suffering because of the CDing. Or, have you lied about other things too.

It's very difficult to make judgments about all the complexities in a relationship when a member just posts one or two facts.

[Dana44]

Actually Judy, yeah if you think she is spying on you. Then the trust relations are broken. if she try's to abuse you. I would talk to her bout that and see what she says. It sounds to me like you can't be you and if you are in a DADT situation, then on your own time you can do what you want, but if she spy on you then I would say the relationship is over. It sounds to me like an abusive relationship to me.

[MelanieAnne]

Is she related to Putin?

[RADER]

Get dressed, do the chores, and smile for the camera. Say Hi Sweetheart, do you like what I am wearing???
Rader

[Anne K]

That is not correct. There are small (1x1-1/2x2-1/2) cameras that record in high def, record to a SD card, and are motion triggered. Can be bought for under $80.

[chelyann]

dont mess with the cameras it will look like you are hiding something, and it will only make it worse.
dress or dont, just get the chores done.

[raxdress]

But MOST (as I mentioned) are wi-fi. Just search on amazon for SDHC spycam and wifi spycam. The wifi's outnumber the SDHCs and the SDHCs have really really bad ratings. It's also easier to watch a real-time feed versus taking out an SDHC card putting it in a computer and going through hundreds of AVI files. It's why most spycams are wifi models.

Speaking of which, anyone know if in California it is against the law to record your SO in your own home without their knowledge? We have a wire-tapping privacy law here but I don't recall if it applies to your own home and members of your family.

Either way, it sounds to me like your wife is a good woman. When a woman is really mad, she will let you know. Just do what you're supposed to do (be a good husband and do your chores), and I'm sure everything will be alright.

[I Am Paula]

When she leaves, get dressed. Lock the door. Do not reopen door until a judge says so.

[Maria 60]

Sticks and stones. You know what I mean, we are more head strong then that aren't we. My last time I had the weekend to myself and the family was away, she told me everything of hers is open to me except the for her dresses. Well I probably wouldn't have touched them but since she talked to me like a child I decided to act like one. You guessed it, I wore her dresses and to top it off I took some pics and showed her when she came back and asked her what's my punishment. We may wear dresses but we are still the men of the house. Aren't we?

[GretchenM]

Hi Judy,

I have always appreciated and been amazed at your talent at your gender expression and I am so sorry all of this has gone sideways for you. You look like an incredibly beautiful woman. That said, I think you may want to read carefully what Reine offers. It is great to hear the woman's perspective on this. She has made some great points that we all might want to consider carefully. Personally, I think you and your wife would do well to pay a visit to a couples therapist. I feel that marriage is a kind of dance. Your secretiveness was wrong and I think you know that and getting discovered is the worst way to introduce the other side of you to her. But I think there is plenty of blame on her side as well as a lack of understanding of the realities of being who we are in a world where such behavior is widely tolerated but far less accepted. Learning about your needs in the controlled environment of a therapist's office is far better than going it alone. I feel that you and your wife are doing different dances. You might be doing a waltz and she is doing a tango. You end up falling all over each other. Maybe a therapist can help you both to discover that if you both do foxtrot it will work a lot better. Give it some thought, Judy. I think you are a fine person and I suspect your wife is fine as well. But the two of you are way out of sync. Read Reine's offering carefully. I think there are some real gems in there. They may not be easy to accept, but they are very important. Your wife probably has some big skeletons in her closet that she has kept from you. Her defensiveness may, I repeat, may indicate that she is protecting herself from something as well. Or maybe not. But it is a mistake to go down that road and turn your individual secrets into weapons to be used against each other. That never ends well. What happened in the past is important but if you are each looking over your shoulders wondering what other dishonesties exist it is hard to see where you are going. The future is what really matters even though the past may be hurtful. Be gentle, tell her that you love her above all else, but that you believe you both need to seek some professional help from a marriage counselor so you can find a common ground. You will likely both have to make some concessions, but divorce should be a last resort. You both have a lot invested in your marriage. Don't just throw it away because you can't do the same dance steps at the same time.

Gretchen

[Judith96a]

Re the "hidden cameras"... I think that we need to take a collective chill!
In the OP, Judy said that, despite her wife's comment, she doesn't actually believe that her wife has any cameras hidden. I strongly suspect that Judy's wife could have replaced the words "hidden cameras" with "eyes in the back of my head" without changing the message -ie "I've my eye on you Buster! If you get up to anything while I'm away then I'll know (because you're sloppy about tidying up after yourself)"

To mix metaphors, the cat is well and truly out of the proverbial bag and has been replaced by a whacking great elephant that's lurking in the corner of the room. She knows! She probably imagines that she can get you to stop by using this sort of emotional manipulation. That's like trying to secure the elephant and keep it in the corner of the room by stationing a mouse in front of it!
It's time to 'girl up' and have a sensible, adult, talk. As for the prospect of her making disparaging remarks about your appearance when all dressed up, firstly "forewarned is forearmed" - you're expecting them so you'll be ready and they'll have less impact. Secondly, if you pay any attention to the feedback that you get from here then you'll know that her disparaging remarks are gross exaggerations.
And, do the chores, so that she can't say "You've been playing dressup all day and the chores aren't done!"

[Robbin_Sinclair]

She knows what you are up to? Seems frivilous. Seems like the perfect time to let it be. Just enjoy being the gal in the family at home during the day.

Half of my enjoyment of the fem side is just enjoying life.

In Buddhism, it is one of the Three Doors of Liberation. Aimlessness......focus around chore perfection and that is the "agenda." That's how I like to look at it.
⛩����☂️

[Judy-Somthing]

Thanks, everyone for the advice.

When she found my heels I told her I've dressed since 8 and I use to dress with friends in my teens, which she knew.
I told her I stopped for over 18 years and now that the kids have moved out I started dressing again.

I told her I have some clothes and she didn't tell me to get rid of them, but said she could imagine what they look like.

She hasn't asked if it will continue or or not.

Well back to the chores for now.

[Stephanie47]

What is not fair is that your wife goes to work and you do not wish to contribute to the home by doing your fair amount of chores. Do you guarantee her any down time?

I have to chuckle a little at your comment. I am a retiree with a wife who still works part-time. Part-time means she picks the full days she wants to work. Sometimes it is one day a week. Sometimes it is five. Either way when she is working I am working also. After I drop her off at work (she cannot drive due to a depth perception issue) I do the grocery shopping, and, then return. You'll find a la June Cleaver doing the dishes from breakfast, washing the clothes and ironing, vacuuming, baking, meal preparation, watering the garden and flowers in the spring.

My wife and I are in a DADT marriage for the last three decades. I would do these chores en drab if that was the case which is now. She is off for chemotherapy and has not worked since last April. I still do more than my share of the household chores and do all the chauffeuring. I am not bitching or complaining, but, I would really love to be able to to all these chores in front of my wife totally en femme. Getting a nice approving pat on my rump would also be nice.

But, alas, I realize it is not going to happen. It is a true DADT marriage. She does not make any derogatory remarks about my me wearing women's clothing. Nor does she makes any derogatory remarks concerning transgender women or transgender men or gays and lesbians. Does this seem to be conflicted thinking? No, there is a vision in her mind of the man she married, and, she does not want to change that.

Anyway, so much for my digression. My advice to Judy. Take your wife at her word. Assume she has spy cameras in the home. Get dolled up. Get yours done. Show her there is some benefit to your dressing. And then? Greet her at the door totally en femme. In the pictures you post you look terrific. You look very feminine. Your skills are expert.

Since she has (supposedly) seen you on video just tell her, "Honey, since you have been watching me doing the chores all day en femme, why change?"

[VeronicaMoonlit]

It's disturbing that some members in this thread gave advice about disabling the camera rather than meeting this relationship issue head on with the wife!

Of course it is, but what else did you expect? We've seen members encourage bad behavior before, and it is all about taking the easy path. By hiding, and beating around the bush, they can have their cake...crossdressing...and eat it too...marriage, without having to have those difficult conversations. It is all about getting their way with the least amount of effort.


You are an adult and not a child. If it is important for you to dress when your wife is not there, you need to say so. You mustn't lie to her.
You need to be honest, Judy. There's no other way around it.

Some of us have been saying that to Judy since she first showed up here, it doesn't seem to get through. She's been taking the dark and easy path, rather than dealing with This Thing of Ours directly like an adult. We've been saying it to others for years...it often doesn't get through. I've said this before, but crossdressers are their own worst enemies sometimes.


It's very difficult to make judgments about all the complexities in a relationship when a member just posts one or two facts.

Perhaps, but we pretty much know what Judy's mindset is.

Veronica

[BettyMorgan]

Summary: People can change. Your wife can, too.

I seriously doubt your wife has installed cameras in the house. She's probably not that technical. Time to check in and see if your wife's comments were made in jest or anger. Sounds like she was being funny and letting you know she knows you dress or suspects you dress when she leaves the house.

What you need to understand is that people can change their views. My SO was initially "sort of okay" with my dressing as long as she didn't hear about it or see me. Over the course of a year that changed to asking about clothes I purchased and brought into the house and making comments about them ("Oh, that's pretty. I like that one, can we share that dress?"). It went from not wanting to see me dressed to checking me out before I left the house to make sure everything looked good for my CD social club meeting. All very positive (She wanted to make sure my makeup was on point and everything in place and presentable). It went from I am okay with you dressing as long as I never see you in a dress and definitely not pantyhose to planning and going on girl road trips and weekends together (her idea). People can change. People can make different choices.

It's disturbing the see the number of comments that suggest you to jump on the divorce train. Keep in mind that these are people who don't have all the information. Divorce is your last choice in a long list of steps you should take.

[nvlady]

Walk around the house flipping the finger to wherever you think there might be a hidden camera.

[Ozark]

Get dressed, do the chores, and smile for the camera. Say Hi Sweetheart, do you like what I am wearing???
Rader

That's my thought also. Your wife gave you list of chores, and she said she knows what you do---- this sounds like someone's fantasy. Get dressed, do the chores dressed, eat lunch, carry on your normal day at home. Then when wife gets home, ask if you did a good job with your chores and would she let you see the pictures with her...

But what do I know, my wife knows I wear women's clothes.

[audreyinalbany]

when my wife goes out for the day her admonition to me is usually "don't do anything I wouldn't do." To which my reply is "You dress like a woman everyday."

[Scarlett398]

Me too, Kierston - I agree with you -...Get all pretty and make sure you get all your chores done before she gets home...And try not to worry so much about cameras or her coming home early. If you look as great as you do in your profile picture, she's lucky to have such a pretty husband!....Scarlett...By the way...what do you girls think about my new skater skirt?....Scarlett

[Lacey New]

Sounds like she would like to catch you all dressed up - so why not let her catch you? (Make sure you bend over in front of the camera while sweeping the last crumbs into the dustpan)

[nikkiwindsor]

Judy...what's the latest? By now, you're wife has seen footage of you all dressed up or not. You'll know she really has the goods (film) if she mentions how beautiful you are and how she feels about that. When my wife inadvertently saw my pics on my smart phone she couldn't help but show me the pics and tell me how she felt about them. My wife's initial reaction to my pics are posted on another thread. When she gets home this Sunday she'll have a chance to talk more in depth about my feminine side and how she feels about it.

Loveyah!

Nikki

[CynthiaD]

I have a battery operated spy cam that is hidden in a pen, and several others that are similarly disguised. I don't use them for anything, and I don't even know if they still work. The point is that you can hide spy cams anywhere, and they're pretty hard to find if they're battery operated and record to internal memory.

On the other hand, if she really had them, she probably wouldn't tell you about them.

[Judy-Somthing]

I'm still afraid to have the big conversation.

Yesterday my wife told me that some 60 year old man she knows has a gay son and he doesn't approve.
He can't understand why his son would choose to be gay.

My wife told him that people don't choose to be gay, she believes they're born that way.

I thought to myself was I born a cross-dresser or have I chosen to be a cross-dresser.

I think she feels it's a choice. I wanted to say something at that moment but my daughter was in the room.

Well she said no fooling around and didn't say anything about dressing.

[Stephanie47]

There are some things you can do.

1) Suggest she be enlightened by a counselor

2) Tell her your mother use to dress you up as a girl. That way she can blame it all on her mother-in-law and take pity on you! Just kidding on #2! :)

[Ally 2112]

It's a chance you have to or not have to take .You know your going to eventually dress when she is not home :)

[Sallee]

If she has hidden cameras ask her to take some pics. If she knows then tell her