Longest day out and about yet.

[daphne_L]

I just had the most Amazing day. After dressing to blend, I started with a makeup appointment at the Clinique counter in Macy's. Wow, she made it look so easy! I learned a lot. Then off to shop. Shoes, clothes, food, etc. Everyone i interacted with was amazing.They treated me just like all the other ladies, or maybe a little better but not so much that it felt contrived or insincere. The other customers were just as good, with only 1 exception. It is so much more fun to shop when you don't feel self conscious or out of place. All told, I spent 6 hours interacting with others as Daphne. To be honest, I think most of the people who I didn't interact with directly didn't even really notice me enough to register me as anything but a woman. It isn't that I think I pass that well, I just think that people are mostly that oblivious.

A few highlights:
-A lady complemented me on how nice the booties I was trying out were. When I told here how comfortable they were, she had the SA get a pair in her size to try and ended up buying them.

-2 other customers, made casual comments to me, then did {barely noticeable} double-takes when they heard my voice in response. I blended good enough that they had initially classified me as a woman! Neither reacted poorly to the realization. {Most of those I spoke too didn't react at all to my voice, so they had already read me, and it didn't mater}.

One low-light:
-At the last store, one customer noticed me as soon as they walked in and stared just enough to make me uncomfortable. She was a little brusk with the SA's too.

I should have taken pictures, but at the time I was so in the moment I didn't even think about it.


Daphne

[Connie D50]

Daphne sounds like you had a great time good for you. Hope all your future trips go this great I'm sure they will.

[Helen_Highwater]

Daphne,

Sounds like you had a truly wonderful day. One thing I'd love to do is try on shoes but size 9's (UK) ladies shoes for the most part are just dull dull dull. Do the shop really think GG's with larger feet don't want to be as glam as the smaller footed?

Your experiences in interacting with the muggles mirrors what so many of us have found. The vast majority of folks are decent and polite. There's always likely to be the one, the exception to the rule but I'll take those odds.

So, what's next for Daphne? Dinner out, theatre?

[Lana Mae]

Congrats on getting out and having a great time! Hope you have many more! Hugs Lana Mae

[KimberlyJean]

It feels a lot more normal to shop dressed, I have gotten to the point that I rarely ever shop in drab anymore.

[daphne_L]

Your experiences in interacting with the muggles mirrors what so many of us have found. The vast majority of folks are decent and polite. There's always likely to be the one, the exception to the rule but I'll take those odds.

So, what's next for Daphne? Dinner out, theatre?

Helen,

If that slight stare had been my first experience out, it would have scared me back into the closet. I've only been out in public a half dozen different times, but all the other interactions have been so positive that it barely registers.

What's next? The grocery store still intimidates me, so my next goal is to feel as comfortable there as I do in the relatively underpopulated clothes and shoes stores. After that I will try and conquer the hardware store. Some day I will have to deal with the restroom issue, but so far family restrooms have done the trick.

Daphne

[Helen_Highwater]

Daphne,

What's next? The grocery store still intimidates me For some reason supermarket shopping was something that scared me so on my last outings I just pulled up my big girl knickers are went for it. Admittedly it was 21:00 and the store was fairly quiet but in some way to those who are there you tend to be more visible. I had been in a supermarket once before when it was really busy (lunch time rush) and it was unnerving I think because you're in such close proximity to those around you but nothing untoward happened. So it's perhaps more to do with our own perception than reality.

I've been in hardware stores a couple of times (superglue for stick on nails) and I found those far less troublesome for some reason.

[Georgette_USA]

Helen
Yes some places can be more intimidating. I always tell gals that are thinking of going full time TS or CD. Try to actually live as a woman for all the "normal" mundane places.

Were you a military person, liked the time of 2100. My friends always kid me as I only use 24 hr time. Military, and worked around military places, and had sites all over the world.

[Acastina]

That's the thing about going out: the more you do it, the more positive reinforcement you get and the more natural it becomes. It is helpful to tell yourself that people check each other out all the time, and a lingering glance may be the opposite of being read and judged. Someone may just like how you look and be briefly studying how you put yourself together, exactly as we do when we see a woman whose look we like.

As for the occasional unpleasant moments, you may have answered your own question about the snarky one, that she was unpleasant to the staff as well, so it may well have had nothing to do with you or how you looked or acted. Maybe she's just an unhappy, abrasive person. Not everything we perceive in that hyper-vigilant state has anything to do with us, and if you remind yourself of that often, those random encounters with others in an open society become a lot less stressful. From that, we begin to act more naturally and relaxed, which just raises the confidence meter some more.

I haven't been out much at all around town for a long time, but I kicked the door open lately. A couple of days ago, I went out to (talk about three crowded, potentially risky environments) Costco (where they place your photo-ID membership card on the register when checking out), Trader Joe's (absolutely mobbed), and Safeway, mid-afternoon on a rainy day. Jeans-and-boots casual with my beret and fleece cape. I wasn't aware of a single sideways glance, and I've learned a lot of ways to spy behind my back over the years. It's almost intoxicating. I was trying to think of some other place I should go while I was out, and that's a big change from wanting to run home quickly after a single stop. I even had a very nice chat with the cashier at Costco. He complimented my necklace, and I repaid it regarding his cool silver sort-of-necklace. He said he has more jewelry since he's in a band, so we talked about music and such. I don't know if he put 2-and-2 together from my membership card and was curious to engage me, or whether it was just a pleasant encounter like anyone else might have.

My point is that we have to go out and try if we're ever going to succeed at powering down the habitual male persona and developing a presentable and plausible female one in its place. As Lauren Bacall said to Bogart in The Big Sleep after he kissed her, "I like that; I'd like more".:battingeyelashes:

[Helen_Highwater]

Helen
Yes some places can be more intimidating. I always tell gals that are thinking of going full time TS or CD. Try to actually live as a woman for all the "normal" mundane places.

Were you a military person, liked the time of 2100. My friends always kid me as I only use 24 hr time. Military, and worked around military places, and had sites all over the world.

Georgette,

Yep doing the mundane, dressed mundanely is the way to go. I think being seen doing such things is one of the reasons there is so little bad reaction to us when we're out. We're doing something that's non threatening. We're not being flamboyant, showy, displaying in yer face behavior. Just normally boring mundane stuff. It's hard to take offense at that.

No, I wasn't in the military. It probably has more to do with computing.

I also thought more about my first supermarket experience and why I found it a little unnerving. As I was nervous going in it made me rush getting up and down the aisles. What I needed to do was adopt the pace we use when browsing the clothes racks. Think about it. If you're food shopping and someone is rushing around, banging into trolleys etc. you can't help but notice them. So mundane shopping pace is the answer.

[daphne_L]

As for the occasional unpleasant moments, you may have answered your own question about the snarky one, that she was unpleasant to the staff as well, so it may well have had nothing to do with you or how you looked or acted. Maybe she's just an unhappy, abrasive person. Not everything we perceive in that hyper-vigilant state has anything to do with us, and if you remind yourself of that often, those random encounters with others in an open society become a lot less stressful. From that, we begin to act more naturally and relaxed, which just raises the confidence meter some more.


It was definitely more than just her being unhappy in general. It was more like a mild distaste with what she saw combine with a stronger sense of her brain just not knowing how to deal with the situation, almost a sense of mild panic at here inability to categorize the situation neatly. I actually felt a little sorry for her, I don't like being the cause of others discomfort. I think she may have been unpleasant with the staff because they were being so pleasant with me, I didn't like that thought much either.

Pretty much everyone else either didn't notice, did a good job pretending not to notice, or treated me like it was no different than noticing that my top was red {even if it was a bigger deal than that to them}. I think most didn't notice, but a number did noticed and were {with one exception} nice.

Daphne

- - - Updated - - -



Yep doing the mundane, dressed mundanely is the way to go. I think being seen doing such things is one of the reasons there is so little bad reaction to us when we're out. We're doing something that's non threatening. We're not being flamboyant, showy, displaying in yer face behavior. Just normally boring mundane stuff. It's hard to take offense at that.

I think you nailed it here. I think "in yer face behavior" is counterproductive to acceptance in any activity. But I don't think flamboyance is necessarily "in yer face". I think it is okay {but not my thing} to be highly noticeable, but not okay to act in a way that demands a response. Demanding is often offending, and offended people often respond poorly.