Crossdresser and proud

[Lucy23]

It goes without saying that we ourselves have to face much inner struggle in the form of shame, hate, or ridicule... (add what you've been through). Although I've reached a certain level of self-acceptance, well, suffice it to say, what is left there to accept still sometimes wreaks havoc on me.

So I'm wondering, what is your story in this? At what point were you able to fully embrace who you are, accept it? What did you do to be proud of who you are?

[Julie MA]

Lucy, my acceptance is internal, and goes beyond clothing. I am a gentle and caring person, who too often in life, put on a rough exterior and persona, to hide that other side. Call it feminine, with a side of CD, if we must. But I have accepted that inside of me. Now I have to lose more of that forced macho and sarcasm and be freer just being kinder and more caring all the time. Julie

[Teri Ray]

Everyone's story for how they began to crossdress is varied and I would bet there are many common threads but each path is somewhat different. I now believe that my desire to crossdress is a real part of me. I have spent years trying to understand the "Why" of my desire. I did pass through many phases in my crossdressers journey...excitement, disgust, self loathing, purging, self denial and so on. Again, for reasons not understood I finally accepted the fact that I was not going to loose the desire and accepted my crossdressing as a real part of who I am. It was a journey for me to get to this point of self acceptance. Part of my acceptance was finally giving up the need to understand the "why". One huge point in my journey was being able to have my wife know the full extent of my crossdressing. This part of the journey was not easy but was the best part. Having someone who loves you hear your feelings and accept you is nothing short of a blessing. I know I am lucky to have such a wonderful wife.

I am not so sure this means I am proud to be a crossdresser. But I am proud to be a good person...........who happens also be a crossdresser. Maybe that is the key to acceptance for me. Reaching the point where I can confess that crossdressing does not make me a bad person.

That's my story and I am sticking to it.

[GretchenM]

Lucy, I a very much like Julie. I am more about the behavioral traits and characteristics of the traditional view of femininity, but I also embrace the feminist view. It has added so much to my life and I have found that I am much more acceptable for inclusion in the world of women - women find that refreshing. I love it, but not because I am more acceptable to women; rather I am more acceptable to myself.

That said, the male is still there but not the ill tempered, rough guy that was there before. He became greatly modified as I accepted the more female/feminine demeanor. I can still hit nails with a hammer accurately. :) What about dressing? I love it, but it is not the central focus for me. I can only comfortably dress when my identity shifts quite a ways into the feminine range. Otherwise it makes no sense, but mix and match almost always does. When I dress as a woman it is because I feel like a woman inside. It is not like many others who dress like a woman to feel like a woman.

Being gender fluid I tend to blend masculine and feminine in unique ways and so both identities are usually present and working together in a collaborative effort to generate the total identity that is appropriate for whatever situation I am presently living in. Before acceptance, it was always a battle as to who would dominate and the guy usually won because I felt guilt and shame in not being able to follow the male stereotype and so I forced the male stereotype to bury the feminine I have felt since I was a little boy. I believe the way I am now is the real me; before I was a contrived male - an act, if you will, intended to hide or even destroy the Her in me. I have never been so happy in my 71 years than I am now.

[delabole]

I have always a bit of a gender identity problem. My father was a brutish macho type, who I remember calling me a pansy for drawing a picture when I was 12. I went to a boys only school, which was very macho. I have (not always consciously) tried to live up to the conventional male image for fear of being thought gay or at least effeminate. I have never been sexually attracted to males, but I love pretty colours and soft textures.

Now that I am older, I feel that I should be more true to myself, but that is bound to disrupt existing relationships with people who are used to the old me. They will just have to get used to the softer clothing style, and probably over time a softer personality which I always was underneath.

[ShirleyN]

there's absolutely nothing wrong with expressing every part of one's own personality male and female. Clothes on their own do not make a person gay, lesbian, trans, etc. I've been dressing (quite literally) on and off over the years since the age of around 13 or so. In terms of my own orientation i'm hetrosexual (i.e. very much attracted to women) but also like dressing in "their" clothes. The first time I ever got into a dress, I was like "Wow! I think I've just found an important part of myself". Just keep trying to be true to yourself.

As

[Lucy23]

Thanks for your stories!

[Cheryl T]

For me it took decades to be comfortable with myself and release all the guilt and shame I carried around for so many years.
When I finally accepted myself my big moment was coming out to my wife. I just could not hide anymore and it was time to be me. Either she would accept or we would move on separately and as luck and love would have it she loved me enough to accept this part of me and accept that I needed to express it.

[AllieSF]

My road to self acceptance was paved with a lot of "Perfect Storm" elements that greatly helped me as a very late starter (at 60). I was mature (see age!), experienced in different cultures and life experiences, divorced and living alone, lived in the San Francisco Bay Area, one of the most accepting places to live for us outliers to the normal world around us and had wonderful access to to most things and people who can help us, like fellow trans (umbrella term) people, some of whom are now my dearest friends, and I started when internet information and people like us was entering the mainstream. When you are old (versus older) you hopefully have learned how to separate the wheat from the chaff in those life moments when decisions, including that important one of acceptance, need to be made. I started late in life, smiled from ear to ear when I looked in that handheld mirror for the first time after completely transforming myself and was hooked. From that point forward it was a learning and growing experience one moment at a time with a big thanks to this site.

I loved what I was doing, actually extremely "hooked" on it, and saw no harm in what I was doing and from the beginning with the safety that this area where I lived offered I had no fear nor shame in what I was doing. So, for me I started embracing me as Allie almost from the very start. I am now at the point that I am out to most of my family verbally, out dressed with only a few, with more to come in the future, and am totally accepting of me as me. I have no idea how it may have been if I had started much younger like most here on this site have. I never think about that and am just happy that I started in the Perfect Storm.

[Lana Mae]

I have only realized I am a CD for a year+. The usual story, played with a (age 4-5) girl who liked to pull her dress over her head, I wanted to do that, too! Never happened. :( Panties in teen years, got and purged after wearing! Panties again in my thirties! Meanwhile , I am not sure what all of this is! My wife died and the pink fog rolled in!! Got on this forum and hung out reading all I could. Learned a lot here! (Thanks all!!) I accepted myself immediately as this is who I am! Totally honest with myself! My pride of who I am mostly lies outside CDing! I raised two very fine adults who love and accept me and just want me to be happy! Hugs Lana Mae

[Stephanie Julianna]

It has been an process that actually is ongoing as we speak. I dressed today with a new friend I met on this site and felt good with my look and helping another "girl" feel as good about herself. When I dress and look at myself in the mirror I like myself more even when I have to wipe the makeup of. I am unique and am at peace with who I have become. I have to admit that my feeling of self worth increased dramatically thanks to Lee Brewster of transgender rights fame. Google her. Amazingly she taught me how to dress and do makeup to pass in public. I never turned back from there. I was 30 at the time. In time I actually was presenting new products to Lee that she sold in her shop that helped others enhance their passable makeup. I love women and only want to present myself in the most authentic and feminine way possible. I admit that I am a bit girly than some gg's preferring dresses and skirts to slacks. All that being said, I am more proud than ever to be a crossdresser and more accurately transgendered. It is who I am and I love being me. It's finally a nice place that I am happy to be in.

[Ally 2112]

Just getting older and doing this for so many years .I Just got tired of feeling the guilt and wanting to purge. I am happy where im at even though i know i still want to keep going forward where ever that may lead

[lpjamey]

Yes I'm a crossdresser. I have been dressing since 1968. The first time is still etched in my mind and will always be. I have so much guilt over the years and now it's up to me to take charge. I love my ridiculously large boobs and my love for women. Heels, stockings, , panties and all make me happy.

[susancheerleader]

Yes. I am too a cross dresser. I love to dress and within the walls of my house, I am always dressed in some form! Often in clothes I love but am not ready to wear in public. Think dress, blouse, or obviously female clothing.
However, I do ALWAYS wear women's clothes in public, but in a not obvious way. Jeans mostly, and a sweater. I do have some other tops I wear but under a jacket. A women's but not blatantly obvious.
I very rarely wear men's clothing.

[Dana44]

It took me most of my life to figure myself out. I finally did that and now am at peace with myself. It took me about forty years as their was not much information about transgender at that time. But I knew I was quite different than a normal male and naturally cross dressed over the years. But finally when I figured myself out, I was able to accept myself and it was good to know..

[delabole]

Learning to love myself has been very difficult, especially when I have been brought up to feel inferior, but I have the right to be who I am.

[sometimes_miss]

I'm never been exactly sure how one becomes 'proud' to be a crossdresser. Is it some sort of accomplishment? What did I do to achieve it? What benefits does it have for me? What qualities are there about crossdressers that other people don't have? Are there awards given that are recognized and appreciated by the rest of society? Do we grow up planning on becoming successful crossdressers? Like ancestry or being an earthling, it's not exactly something we can feel proud of, as we didn't really have anything to do with it; it's just something that we are. Being proud of something sort of means that there's something special or better about us than others, and I just don't see it. To me, the artificial 'I'm a cross dresser and I'm proud of it!' thing is just something dreamed up to prop up our egos because most of our societies feel we are freaks, and simply by not using other people's evaluations of us as more important than our own, we can avoid the need for that.
Being a crossdresser is just something that I am. It's not ALL that I am, and it's not even MOST of what I am. I have plenty of other things to be proud of, that I worked to accomplish, that I can claim credit for, if I feel the need to prop up my self esteem. Because if feeling proud of being a crossdresser is the main thing that you have accomplished in life, maybe you should get out of the house more often and find some other things to do. I know, I know, there are some famous female impersonators out there that are the best crossdressers in the world. But I don't think it's really such a great accomplishment any more than dressing up as bigfoot and successfully trolling the world with videos of myself trudging through the wilderness in a sasquatch suit, causing much discussion about whether i'm a genuine bigfood/sasquatch/yeti (well, I am a bigfoot, size 16EEE, so I'm sort of halfway there).
Me, quite content to be just an average, goodhearted and helpful human being. Pride is, after all, one of the so called seven deadly sins, right?