Why do we feel compelled to public

[Penny]

I go in public as Penny because this female part of me has worth. I need to for that to be acknowledged, therefor I need to be noticed as a female and
dress as such. At the same time, I don't want to be examined because this threatens my worth. Besides all of thrills, pleasures and so
on, I know that is social unacceptable behavior in the eyes of most.
I would like to know what drives the rest of you to go in public and pass for a woman? Or in some instances, at least want to go?

[Jennaie]

Well, maybe theres more to it than this, but really, I am sick and tired of buying things and taking them back because I cant shop dressed. I want to be able to pass in public at least to the point that someone who is not dealing with me directly will not take notice of me.

Yes, there is a part of me that needs to be validated as a female, but I don't think that is ever actually going to happen. Not to the extent that I would like to see it happen.

I recieved a private message from a girl here in the forums, she told me that she felt I was obsessed with "Passing".

I'm not sure if obsessed is the descriptive word that I would use, perhaps "determined" would be more fitting.

[Sophia Rearen]

Simple, because I have the right!

[Yes I am]

Because staying inside is boring, and dressing up in private makes me feel like a pervert.

[Linda51]

Hi,

What a great way to discuss things...I feel that I have male and female qualities...some folks accept the female qualities..others are threatened.

Sometimes it just feels good to get dressed. I went to a Mardi Gras party in a pink party dress with petticoats, ear rings and all...I had a great time...I felt cute and feminine. But I also like to have my masculine side. A good balance of both.

I must admit the feminine urge takes over and then...yikes....

Nice to know there are other folks with the same desires..

Linda

[Sarahgurl371]

Haven't gone out in public yet, but desperately want to experience the world, have the freedom to do so, dressed how I want. I think the issue is more about freedom and the feeling of liberty to be ourselves, more than anything. At least for me.

[Stephanie]

I've debated this issue back and forth with other people. I REALLY want to go out in public "en femme," at least occasionally, but some people don't understand WHY it is so important for me to do it in public, wonder why I can't just enjoy it at home, and worry about what might happen if I DO go out in public "en femme." I have not really been able to successfully articulate exactly why I want to go out in public "en femme" so badly but I basically see it as just a natural extension of my crossdressing and my confidence thereabout. I am not seriously concerned about how well I'm able to "pass" as a woman (I'm certain I'll get "clocked" by somebody somewhere sometime no matter what) nor am I overly concerned about being harmed/harrassed about being "en femme," at least not anywhere that I normally go (i.e. mall, bookstores, music stores, coffee shops). For me, being out in public wearing what I want to wear and looking how I want to look feels very "liberating" and "enjoyable." I also enjoy feeling a little "rebellious" and "naughty" KNOWING that I'm purposefully doing something that (most) people consider to be "socially unacceptable."
:p
While I realize that I have to be discreet about my crossdressing most of the time and that I simply can't just do it whenever wherever I want to (which I understand and accept given my personal circumstances), I also don't want to have to just shut myself away in my house all of the time either. After all, what's the point of having all of these nice dresses, skirts, jewelry, etc., if I can't "show off" occasionally?:cheeky: I mean, really, what's the point of having a $40-50(or even more expensive) dress, etc. if all I'm going to do is lounge around the house in it? Where's the fun in doing THAT all of the time?
:D

[JennMW]

Solitary confinement aka "the box" is one of histories most enduring punishments, from preschool (go sit in the corner) to prison.

Why would anyone want to put up with self imposed solitary confinement?

[Ellie]

Dressing for me is more about being able to express and feel all the femme aspects of life that as a boy growing up and as a man were "not allowed".

I've never felt that I was a woman in a man's body. I didn't feel like a man in a man's body either. I was always just me.

As Ellie I am someone else, a seperate personality, and that someone wants to get out of the house soon!

[Tiffy]

I just wanna go out in my yard as me. And do my chores wearing a Big Daddy T-shirt and a mini skirt. That is all I ask. As I know I could never pass. But, I would love to wear a t-shirt and skirt in public and not have people stand there and stare at me.


kisses, April Marie

[Gale R]

Personally i don't feel it is a compulsion but a natural progression once you've mastered your "look".
Taking it to the next step, i.e going out was a really good feeling (not sexual) but a feeling of freedom finally.:)

Just my 0.02 worth.

Hugs Gale.

[vacambridge]

What is the point in looking great and feeling sexy if no one can see me. Okay maybe I don't ever look great and feeling sexy may be the best I can ever do, but I spend a lot of money on dresses and outfits, and whereas I will never be able to pass successfully (in two inch heels I stand 6'5"), I still feel it is great to show off my best looks.

[Sweet Susan]

I have no idea why I feel compelled, but I do know that when I am out and about while en femme, I feel just about as right and righteous as I possible could. Susan

[Laurie Ann]

I do it because I want too. I love to be out when I am able to deel the wind on my legs and up my skirt the sound of heels clicking on a hard surface I love it so much.

[Stacie Stockman]

I felt a need to go out since I feel that my closet was my prison. Kinda feels awkward to be the prisoner and the warden/gatekeeper at the same time.

[Jodi]

I go out because I have the clothes, and I want to wear them.

Jodi

[DonnaT]

Probably because I hid it long enough all those years as a child. However, I don't need to be seen as a female. I would have no problem going out in a skirt sans wig and makeup.

30 years ago, when I first donned a wig my wife gave me, and made myself up, and saw how I looked in the mirror, the first thing I asked my wife was if we could go to the mall. I felt a since of freedom I guess (30 yrs ago is hard to remember but I was elated). However, my wife wouldn't let me express that freedom.

[Bonnie Jean]

I want to go out dressed because it is part of me, and i am more comfortable and relaxed in that part than dressed in drab .

[Victoria Pink]

For me it feels like such a natural thing to do. I have only been out a few times but it has really been enjoyable. It is something that I've just wanted and felt that I needed to do.

Victoria

[Fallen Angel]

If Im going to spend the time to get dressed,Make up, nails, and clothes Im going out and have fun I just cant see my self all dolled up and staying hiden.If you know where to go and know your safe zones the chances are there is not going to be any conflicts and the more you go out and the more you circlulate around other people the more you'l enjoy being you. We work so hard at being our best why not show it off just a little xxxx

[trisha_anne]

Going out for me makes my crossdressing even better. It just feels sooo good. Everytime I have been out I felt amazing. It is addictive is well, the more times I go out the more I want to do it again. I do have my days were staying home is fine. But when I do go out it just feels right.

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

Because I got tired of being all dressed up with no place to go.

[JAYNETHOMPSON]

I've wonder why I step out enfemme and the only answer I can give myself is that it gives me a buz and turns me on..

x

Jayne

[Cathy Anderson]

While I never felt exactly "compelled," I did, in the past, feel an interest in dressing in public. I did this a few times--usually in places where CDs are tolerated or even appreciated (e.g., 'mixed' bars), and that seemed to satisfy the urge.

A hypothesis I have about this is that the inner female has developmental needs, just as the male does. And one of this is to acquire some degree of social skill interacting with others. But once such a skill is gained, one doesn't have to keep dressing in public.

I do think some CDs have more of a traditional "compulsion" however. I fear it may be due to semi-masochistic fantasies of being caught, recognized, humiliated, etc.

Cathy

[jamie_44]

I think it is the freedom issue because if you are not going out that means your probably stuck at home. Going out really allows you to get into the role more than being at home. Wearing a dress out, feeling the wind, hearing the heels click, feeling pretty, thats so fun. It can also be nerve wracking when you enter a store and the woman at the counter looks like your sister-in law from a distance. Good test for the ticker too!

[TGMarla]

I've never been out in public. But I do want to do so one of these days. The reasons? Well, I think it's primarily for the experience. I look out the windows, and like any bird, I wish to fly a bit. I'd like to know what it feels like to be a lady in public, just like (well, sort of like) any other woman. I'd like to experience the world from the female point of view.

[MsJanessa]

What is the point in looking great and feeling sexy if no one can see me. Okay maybe I don't ever look great and feeling sexy may be the best I can ever do, but I spend a lot of money on dresses and outfits, and whereas I will never be able to pass successfully (in two inch heels I stand 6'5"), I still feel it is great to show off my best looks.
Actually Hon---if the picture in your avatar is you, then you look really hot---the Glamazon look--tall, slim and gorgeous is a real turn on for a lot of people---

[michelleliz]

I think going out just makes me feel like the women I want to be . When I am out and accepted as a women. It just makes me feel as tho I belong here as a women . I dress as michell Elizabeth 90% of the time. Even when I am working I all ways have on female cloths under neath my work cloths.

Michelleliz

[julie w]

a good test for the ticker ,I like that jamie .so true
there is no other feeling like going out dressed , a natural high

[Rachel Morley]

Hi Penny,

I didn't used to go out....mainly because I thought I could never pass in a million years. That didn't stop me "wanting to" though. Since my wife Marla helped me I've had the confidence to go out regularly....and I've posted plenty of times about what happened.

I haven't answered your question "Why do we feel compelled to go out in public" yet have I? Well, I don't feel complelled exactly, because some times I can get all femmed up and not be that bothered about going out, but I do agree with others, after we've spent over an hour and a half getting ready, it seems a shame to just sit on the sofa and watch tv. Also, for me, going out to public places in daylight feels liberating!

[suzy]

I have not ventured out...at least not where anyone would see me... Yes, It is exciting to consider and I have wanted to for a long while. Don't know why but can say that it is something that I need to do in my en femme role. I have enjoyed being stuck inside the house, now I want to go out and work in the yard dressed en femme, and then out....just out, no where in particular, but where I can feel free to just be me.;)

[HeatherCD]

I do it for several reasons:

1. because I can
2. because I enjoy the challenge of pulling it off. There is nothing more satisfying than going out in public and not having anyone react.
3. This is who I am.. I am a cross dresser. It is not something to be ashamed of or to be afraid of.
4. Why should GGs get to have all the fun?
5. Most of women's attire (with the exception of a few pieces) were originally designed for men anyway (in one form or another), so I am really wearing men's clothing... ;)

[tammysuetv]

I have always felt the need to go out to feel like a woman. I love the clicking of my heels on the pavement and the air on my legs. I think for me at least going out has a lot to do with my sedire to pass in public. I pass from a distance but lose it the closer you get. It is just thrilling for me to be outside in a public or semi public place while dressed.

[Lilith Moon]

I would like to add my take on the feelings and emotions that make me venture out of the house dressed. There is the strong "all dressed up and nowhere to go" feeling. All of that effort, the close shave, the makeup, choosing the dressing style, posing in front of the mirror. It all amounts to getting dressed up to go out. So going out is the most natural thing to do.

Then there is the adrenaline buzz, the butterflies the wondering what will happen when we are out. I'm addicted to that as well.

Another thing I notice as I drive away from my neighborhood is a tremendous feeling of freedom and relief. I can't really explain it better than that.
0.02

[megan163]

I think the need to go in public is simply to enjoy life to the fullest. To shop and browse the racks of pretty clothes and lingerie. To get the makeover treatment and advice at the makeup counter. It's all that. It's not about some exhibitionist thrill. I just want to be seen and treated like a girl sometimes. I'm with some of the other girls here who rightly observe "what's the point of getting all dressed just to stay in your bedroom." It used to scare me at first to venture out. And then I would feel guility about it like I was some kind of pervert for doing it. Now, I am more comfortable and try to enjoy as much as I can. That said, I still try to be discreet and not draw too much attention or put myself in any kind of danger or embarrasing situation. I always do my dressing in public out of my hometown. I once had a close call in my hometown when as I approached the entrance of a grocery store I caught sight of my brother-in-law and his family at the checkout counter. I didn't realize I could walk so quickly in heels the other way. :cheeky:

[Noel Chimes]

For what it is worth, why shouldn't I? I work like anyone else, pay my bills, buy clothes, food, and household supplies just like anyone else. And if i choose to wear a dress and make up when I do it what's wrong with that? I don't point and laugh when someone comes through a door of any store just because they look different, so why all the fuss when I come in a store dressed as i look in my avitar? I'm not interested in your husband, wife, or kids. I'm interested in the reason I came into the store. So get your nose out of my bra and let me live my life as I choose to.
What are you afraid of? Is it the fact that I excite you? Do I turn you on? Well, if that is the case, before you begin to ridicule me, you need to check yourself. Don't fear me because I'm beautiful, respect me as you want to be respected. By denying me the right to express myself you deny me one of the basic freedoms garanteed by our constitution. And if you deny me the freedom of self expression what other freedoms are you willing to deny or part with?0.02 :rant:

[brunette2006]

I live my life dressed as a female. Work or play I'm always me. But make no mistake about it, I do not try to decieve anyone. When asked ,I state my "true gender"...problem is I don't get asked that much. I've seen many crossdressers in my area...most of them stick out like the proverbial sore thumb. Maybe they are trying to hard? Maybe they want to stand out? I don't know. I'm just content with being me.

Oh.
To answer the question.....for some of us it is as simple as being who we are in public.
To not go out as we truely are would be a lie. I for one can't live like that.

[Denise01]

I find going out femme is just part of me.
It took me a long time to get the courage to go out dressed, and finally took the big step last year.
To me, being dressed is a stress relaxer after a busy day, wether it be in the office our outside working.
I have never liked shopping as a guy, but femme, i find it so relaxing, as the ladies have so many much nicer things to look at, both in colours and styles.
Buying clothes before I was going out femme, was a real chore. I had to hope I was getting the right size as I would have never had the courage to ask to try things on in the store.
When shopping femme, I have tried clothes on in several stores, never with a problem, and as a fact last week was shopping in a large ladies chain store. Had found a skirt i liked and was carrying it around.
As soon as the sales girl saw me with the skirt, immediately came over and asked if I would like her to set up a changing room so I could try it on.
Felt so nice to be treated like a lady.
With the variation in cuts and styles, I have found that I have skirts in 3 different sizes yet all 3 fit me well. I now have taken the stand, that If I can't try it on before I buy, I will just go some where else, as usually where i am shopping it is just too far for me to take something back.
Going out femme, for me, is just part of me, and it gives me a time to express and enjoy my softer side

Denise

[JoannaDees]

I believe it is validation we are looking for. If I go out and the world does not freak out, maybe it's OK. Funny thing is, and I've heard it before, you go out and nobody says a thing and you wonder why? I guess I don't think anything helps other than self love ... saying I'm OK being this person.

[AprilCD]

It is just a great feeling going about feeling that you look absolutely beautiful. In public you get your reviews, opinions, options on how your looks are. In public you also get something you can not do at home, you learn how to act as a lady. Socialization skills always need refinement and the only way that I know how to learn is by practice. Besides how many of you girls have danced in heels at a club, it is really a fun experience.

[johnna]

For me, it completes the process and it's soooooo liberating.

[windycissy]

All of the above, plus I like to know what real women have to put up with in their everyday lives, for example trudging through the freezing rain in a dress while my stockings get splattered is not a delightful experience, but knowing what it's like helps me to feel a little bit more like a woman. Cissy

[Phoebe Reece]

Answering this question is a little like giving the standard answer to why does a mountain climber climb a mountain: Because it's there.

There's no single answer that sums it up for me. I spent 20 years of my career working overseas in a place where going out enfemme simply was not compatible with staying employed there. I got very tired of being all dressed up in my quarters with nowhere to go. But I was going out even before that period in my life. The experience of going out dressed is exhilarating in the same way driving a fast car, or riding a motorcycle, or hanging from ropes on a mountainside is. It is also a way of validating that it is OK to be the person that I am. I enjoy interacting with people while enfemme and observing their reactions. Shopping for women's clothing is easier - you can try things on while wearing all the appropriate underthings, and see what it will look like with your wig and makeup on. I like the feel of the wind on my legs, the sound of my heels clicking on the pavement, and the smiles I get from some of the people that see me.

I simply enjoy doing it. And, at this point in my life I can. So, I do.

[Robin]

Wow, how to start describing what dressing in public means. It means I can be all of me, or the other half of me. When I slip my breast forms into my bra and put on hose and a skirt I completely change and I'm always shocked at how right it feels. I love wearing cute, fun clothes, pretty colors, and heels. I love the feel of the wind over my legs, under my skirt, the feeling and the sound of walking in heels, the sway of my breasts. It's not something I need all the time, even daily, but it is a part of me.

[Sandy2628]

Great answers. I just like to be accepted by males as a girl. No sex intended. I just feel a need to dress. I wish I had the nerve to go out.

[Liberty]

I haven't gone out in femme yet because I am still learning about my look and don't have many items yet, though I often wear a skirt out in public and while shopping as a male. I bought my first pair of heels about a month ago and my first actual dress three days ago. I am still messin' around with the right bra situation, but it's been so much fun. I was at the supermarket a couple of days ago and was referred to as ma'am by a male grocery clerk. I don't have a wig just short curly hair, but I must be doing something right and it sure feels good to be recognized as my more sensual androgynous self. I have alot of anxiety about going out full blown en femme, I'll probably be so lofty I had better stay focused and not lock my keys in the car or lose my purse..... I'm glad that these are the issues that I like to talk about.

[Jennaie]

This is a tough question to answer. I don't think it's because I went to a lot of trouble to look good and I am not going to waste it. Nor do I think it's because I feel I have a right too, although I do feel I should. I don't think it's because I want to be able to express myself, although I think I should be able to do that as well.

When I really think about it, I think it's because I want to be validated as a pretty woman. How would it make you feel if you were out shopping and you saw a little girl looking and pointing up at you saying, "Mommy, I hope that when I grow up I am as pretty as she is"?

I can't think of a more powerful validation.

[JoAnnDallas]

I haven't gone out in femme yet because I am still learning about my look and don't have many items yet, though I often wear a skirt out in public and while shopping as a male.
Liberty....Did you mean "Shirt" or "Blouse". I think I would be noticed if I wore a SKIRT in public as a male.

[Liberty]

Yes JoAnne, I am talking about a real skirt usually just above the knee with sandals (low heels are in my future) while out running errands around town (even the Home Depot has seen me on more than one occasion, while traveling it has been essential for comfort, also I don't get sleepy as easily behind the wheel because my clothes are not boring. I am having a real difficult time finding appropriate tops to attain an androgynous look until I can more easily dress correctly as a woman with wig/forms/makeup. I've always thought myself to be a fashion rebel but there is a definite pattern emerging in my chosen styles have that started at a very young age, so now that I am old enough to understand I can clearly see that I would possibly get a whole lot more out of learning how to CD properly. I can also see where a proper CD'r would not want to have me around them in public until I "get it right". I'm a dead giveaway but only because I have never tried to "pass", for me I focused first on the myriad of feelings involved with society at large while being noticeably different in attire. Though I don't wish to stand out, it has been inevitable, so at least I try to do it in a style of it's own and coordinate colors and patterns beautifully with taste. Focusing on my right to individuality and viewing general society's dress/gender code as a facade along with wonderful loving support from the T community has given me confidence to express myself without guilt and minimal fear. Thanks for your inquiry, we all have our unique pathway and approach on how this stuff is all dealt with. It really should just have to do with just learning to dress pretty, all this other stigma is somewhat a discourage but strengthens our character by leaps and bounds.... I am compelled not as much about taking my fashion public as I am taking myself public without the male pigeon hole that society would like for me to fit inside of, starting with the clothes!

[racquel]

I believe that the fact that we are out and mistakes would get us caught,we fit into our fem roles more completely.This is so emotionally fulfilling we quickly crave a repeat performance and as we become more proficient we become more confident.
Repeat as necessary.:D

[Gisele]

I have not been out other than a CD meeting or just driving around and once to a womens restroom at a rest area. I really want to get out and see the world through Beth's eyes. I am just scared that I dont have the right look yet and I want to have it just right for me.

I would love to just go to the mall, super center, book store, movies....etc. without having problems. I will just have to suck it up and go one day and see what happens.

[Josi]

Its not so much a compulsion as completion.
When I dressed alone - it became pointless.

Girls Nights In are fun and realxing and I love being able to dress/half dress/sit in my nightie and just chill.

Girls Nights Out are ... exciting - Nirvana!

I never go out alone, always with a GG "chaperone". and I dont kid myself .. anyone who looks will see a "geezer in a dress". But for the most part, I am ignored as people get on with their lives.
I have found most women I encounter to be kind and accepting.
Men are confused (jealous perhaps?) and once or twice threatening.

I do get pointed at, looked at, "examined" .. but then thats probably standard behaviour and doesnt harm me.

I have had the pleasure of Theatre trips, cinema, restaurants, clubs, shopping, a walk in summer by the river.

For me. when I go out, I feel "complete". Last week, my SO came out with me for the first time to a tranny club in London. I even got a compliment from another GG about my boots! lol.
But we walked there and back (only a 4 minute walk). I loved it. The feel of the wind up my skirt .. lol and the sound of MY heels on the pavement.
My SO (Annie) is brilliant and overcame fears and therfore was far braver than I. It was just OUTSTANDING to be "out" with her and was a deeper experience than with just a friend.


For me then I follow these rules..
be sensible and dont go out without a chaperone
choose areas that are cosmopolitan
never use the ladies loo on my own ! (and remember to put the lid down lol)
dress appropriately for the occasion
dont try to walk too far in killer heels lol
Enjoy being me in the world.[/COLOR]

Josi

[Penny]

I go in public as Penny because this female part of me has worth. I need to for that to be acknowledged, therefor I need to be noticed as a female and
dress as such. At the same time, I don't want to be examined because this threatens my worth. Besides all of thrills, pleasures and so
on, I know that is social unacceptable behavior in the eyes of most.
I would like to know what drives the rest of you to go in public and pass for a woman? Or in some instances, at least want to go?



Thank you ladies for your wonderful responses. Each and every one helped me
me to reenforce what I know in my heart to be true. For whatevery reasons were yours, they are for the righr reason, to pass as (be accepted) not pass
for (deceive) a woman:yrtw: . The world looks atus as trying to pass for a woman when in fact, we are just trying to be who we are.
I love you gals and you all have my deepest respect and admiration! :luvu: It's not easy living with a rare gift that we can't share with the world because
it doesn't understand us. That's why this forum is so great.:happy:














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