Substance abuse

[susancheerleader]

I've been seeing a counselor for substance abuse. In some of our talks, he mentioned that a lot of cross dressers and even many transgender people are fighting substance abuse at some level. Mostly because of fear of coming out and having people think you are gay or basically not accepting. Perhaps having friends or family even distance themselves. It is hard on a cross dresser and transgender to have to POSSIBLY risk this.
A lot end up abusing substances of some kind. Not everyone but a lot.
So to you who are not out and comfortable with the idea of going out (yet)
How do you cope?
I don't think I am asking the right question or making my point but hopefully you get the idea.
Of course there are you who are comfortable and happy being out and about. But as for myself. I have a hard time with people not liking me or accepting me. I hide that I cross dress because I can't risk the negative side. As it is, my family knows but don't ever want to see me dressed or talk about it. So obviously I have to hide it.
It is hard emotionally.

[Dana44]

How do I cope? Strangely, when I was young, I guess I only went out a few times. But now, in retirement. I let my hair grow and even when male I have very long hair. I wear only lady tennis shoes.. So even when I work out they see me in them. Nobody has given me any problem about that. So Noe my SO and I go out and have dinner, see a movie, or go shopping. Both of my parents are dead.. Not out to my daughters but they may think I am a cross-dresser. They don't like that and so I don't stuff it in their faces. As one gets older I think that a lot of the fear and socials pressure goes away and we just have the confidence to go out as ourselves. I have no substance abuse and never had a problem not smoking or any other things. I live well and am a writer of novels and working on an AI project. It keeps me busy and whether I am male or female the work goes on okay.

[sometimes_miss]

I developed an eating disorder about a month after being molested when I was a kid, and so my 'substance' of choice to abuse is food. Managing my weight has been my problem pretty much all my life. How do I cope with the stress of being transgendered? I look at my male clothing as sort of a uniform; same as any other uniformed person who has to wear one for work. Would you swim in pants? No. Would you go out in a snowstorm in your swimsuit? no. So, I have my work 'uniform', dress slacks and a blazer. I have my shopping 'uniform', casual slacks and a button down shirt. Etc.. I wear an appropriate 'uniform' for whatever activity I'm going out to do. When I'm at home, I wear normal clothes; a dress, cute skirt & top, etc..

[Sissy_in_pink]

With my job I can't afford to substance abuse of any kind as we have random drug and alcohol testing, so if I were to get caught and lose my job that would be the end of crossdressing for me.
I go out dressed often to the shops and I have joined a social group of crossdressers and they have a meeting on the last Friday of each month, they also hold a Formal Ball and a Christmas party every year.
My kids and my ex-wife know I dress and a couple of my friends and my doctor know I dress.
Neighbours behind my house must know I dress as their houses are higher than mine and 2 story so they can see straight in my yard, but I don't care.
Now the neighbours in my street may or may not know but if they see me that's ok as long as I don't know they see me and don't say anything to me.
My street is a no through road, but it can be very busy at times.
Anyway I have never felt the need for any substance to cope with my crossdressing, when I do it I want a clear head so I can enjoy it.

[Tracii G]

I have abused things in the past I have been to the bottom of the pit of despair and its an ugly place.
Alcohol is bad but narcotics addiction is 100 times worse and I wouldn't wish that pain on anyone.
If you suffer from it get help please, don't be afraid to ask for help your life depends on it.

Susan not everybody is going to like you and you need to come to grips with that.
Even if you are kind to them there are some that hate everybody and everything and there is nothing you can do about that.
What I'm saying you don't need to try and make people like you.
I have a female friend that is like you, she has a huge heart and it gets broken so easily by people if they react in a non friendly way.
I have tried to help her get over things like that.

[Lana Mae]

I do not abuse substances or drugs or alcohol or food! I am comfortable in myself and mostly enjoying the journey! I even quit smoking which I did for 50+ years! Dressing is a much better way to relieve stress!! Hugs Lana Mae

[Helen_Highwater]

Isn't it a strange position to be in that you're okay being considered a drug abuser, even an addict yet totally fear the opinion or reaction of strangers should you chose to venture out dressed?

I have a hard time with people not liking me or accepting me

It's been said before but can you not find a support group. Non judgemental, quite the opposite, welcoming. A chance to express yourself more fully.

[Sometimes Steffi]

I guess I have to say that I am a substance abuser of some kind. But the substance I abuse is lingerie, and maybe girl jeans, pink tops, skirts, dresses, evening gowns, forms, wigs, and makeup. I guess you get the picture, and if you don't check out my profile pic.

It's not like dressing is always on my mind, otherwise I would change my name to Always Steffi. There are even some days that I do crossdress IRL, but in those cases, I'm a woman wearing men's clothing. I don't think anyone can tell. I think they just think I'm another man.

I guess I consider myself bi-gender, and I can't always control which gender I'll wake up as.

[CynthiaD]

Substance abuse is not a method of coping. It's a method of destroying yourself.

You want to cope? Face the "problem" squarely, without kidding yourself either way. Decide what you're going to do, but be realistic. Don't make promises to yourself that you know you're never going to keep. Once you've chosen a course of action, be proud of it. Remember that no course of action is frozen in stone. Be prepared to make adjustments. Don't try to get others to like you. EXPECT other people to like you. Be kind. Treat others with respect. If they still don't like you, to hxxx with them.

[Shelly Preston]

Moderator Note

You are reminded we do not allow the naming of drugs here.

[Tracii G]

Susan I would like to know why you have a hard time with people not liking you?
I'm not being snarky so please understand I'm curious as to why you feel that way.
You do know you can't please everyone no matter how hard you try.
Its nice to be accepted and tolerated for who you are but we don't live in a utopian world where everything is perfect.

[TrishaLake]

I think I understand, while I don't have substance abuse issues, I did drink allot more before I came out to my wife. I think its that deep hiding we have that causes the hurt...lying to others and yourself. Just my take of course...Your therapist should be the expert here.

[Stephanie47]

Your counselor needs to define with some statistical evidence what " a lot" means. It may be "a lot" within his practice. But, among the general population of men who wear women's clothing on occasion?

[Suzanne F]

Susan, there are many of us here who have been sober many years. I just celebrated 15 years of sobriety from alcoholism and addiction. Yes my gender identity issues were a factor in my use. In my experience I had to get sober before I could begin working on my other issues. I had been sober 11.5 years before I could face being a woman. So you can PM me if you need any further information about my story. Good luck and you deserve to be you. As far as not being able to be you because your family doesn't approve, honey if all of us TS women waited for our families to approve there would be no wait for Dr Bowers services!
Suzanne

[Stephanie Julianna]

My belief is that substance abuse or alcohol abuse is a disease that with the right support is curable but will always be there. You asked how those that have not looked for that escape to deal with their crossdressing cope. For me it is by staying very active physically and mentally and involved with a very loving family. I also have a career as a nurse that plays well to my feminine sensitivities. You may not have one of those elements but that is what works for me. And it takes all of that for me. In the warm weather I am building decks, doing home repair and landscaping for myself and adult kids. When wintering I write (I'm working on publishing my first novel.), read, play board games, pool and ping pong with the grandchildren. AND I dress when I can. I'm also into antique cars. My days are so full I don't have time to drink or do drugs even though, in all honesty, they never were an option. I am the ultimate optimist about my lot in life.

[HollyGreene]

Never done any kind of drugs, solvents etc. I don't drink much alcohol, and I've never even tried smoking.
My frustrations about cross-dressing and keeping it all a big secret for so many years have never taken me to a point where I needed to do anything like that.
Now, of course, I am happy with who I am and I really like being a cross-dresser, so it's never going to take me down a substance-abuse route.
Everybody is different, though, so I guess I can understand that some people might be susceptible to that kind of thing.
Of course, the counsellor works with substance abusers, so any cross-dresser or TG person he meets is very likely to be a substance abuser, so I don't think it's fair to imply that "a lot of cross dressers and even many transgender people are fighting substance abuse at some level". What about the many CDs and TGs who do not?

[Tracii G]

I don't look at it as a disease in the clinical sense.
For me it was the environment I was in and the people around me.
Everyone indulged and it was normal behavior.
The addiction was there but it wasn't like I had weak moments and fell to the urges it was everywhere so we did it everyday.
Getting "clean" was rough but I did it.