Competition?

[CarlaWestin]

So, my wife saw a picture of me on my desktop that I love. I'm in a nice lacey pink sissy dress, very fem with garters and stockings and little pink lace top socks, flower in my hair and sitting on a rock in the yard. I have a frown like a little disturbed sissy girl. It just captures the moment. She said, "Oh, nice." And in a deflated way. I said, "What. I love that picture!" Her reply was, "That's my competition!" I don't get it. And, I've heard all of the psychobabble explanations.

:straightface:

Your thoughts?

[Tracii G]

You think you will ever understand a female?
Good luck sweetie.LOLOL

[CarlaWestin]

Thanks, Tracii.

Here's the dumb picture.

272319

[Aunt Kelly]

You know her better than I do, but in my experience, wives will express feelings in the most obtuse ways. Possibilities include genuine jealousy of your looks or an objection to the picture where it might be argued hers should be. Sounds like an opportunity for communication and understanding.
BTW, I love the lavender hose. "Jealous" might be a definite possibility. :)

[Zooey]

Kelly, I don't think there's anything particularly obtuse about it, and I DEFINITELY don't think it has anything to do with "jealousy of (Carla's) looks"...

Carla, I don't know your wife, but I would suggest you consider that that picture and your relationship with your "dressing" and your self when "dressed" represent what she feels she has to compete with for your attention, time, energy, and desire. If she feels that way, there's a good chance that your behavior is what's making her feel that way.

Do you have a picture of HER on your desktop too?

[arbon]

Yep. It's about attention. She is the woman. Your the man in love with yourself when your dressed as a woman.

[Kate T]

OK, I'll try but you are going to have to take this on the chin and not take offence otherwise you will just get defensive and never have a chance of trying to understand your wifes attitude.

OK. To start with the picture. Now remember I'm going to be brutal, don't take it personally.
You are sitting on your own posing in the backyard, no sign of anyone else in your family or any loved ones. You have on stockings with garters that are showing, the camera angle literally looks directly at your crutch and you have on a dress / shirt that is short enough that you can almost see your underwear. Actually you can see your underwear i.e. the garters. You have on white stockings, pink socks and shoes and a flower hair clip that are in a style more suited to a young girl (and I mean sub 12 yrs old young). You are wearing reasonably heavy makeup that is obvious even in that photo despite that fact that your face is not clear and certainly is not the focus of the photograph.

So when your wife see's the picture you're response is "I love that photo". This is a photo on your desktop. It contains no hint that you are married or have a partner let alone a family. The thing that you want to look at every time you open your computer is a photo of yourself, not of your wife. In addition to this the photo of yourself is that classical male sexualised virgin (i.e. young) / prostitute (i.e. sexually available).

Do you get it now?

[Zooey]

Kate saying the rest of what I wanted to say, but didn't. Combine our responses and you've pretty much got my complete thoughts on the matter.

[Kate T]

Sorry Carla and yes we were brutal but you did ask.

Look, there are plenty of photos from members on here like the one you posted, over sexualised photos that border on soft porn. I hope that that photo is not representative of how you see yourself or women generally. I think your profile photo is really quite sweet and I would be surprised if your wife had the same response to that photo.

[Beverley Sims]

No arguments or opinions here............

At least your wife was pleasant in her comment.

I think it's okay.

Just looks like you. :-)

Keep it on the desk, others will get used to it.

[CarlaWestin]

Oh, I don't mind brutal comments. The truth is tempered with brutality. And, I agree with every comment made. A little clarification might be in order. First of all, my physical desktop has many pictures of myself and wife. My CD activity is secluded to only times that she is either asleep or not at home and doesn't subtract at all from our togetherness. And, I don't want to be a girl. My crossdressing is an enjoyable proclivity of role play, excitement and imagery.

This is what I like about this picture. It's almost like an old CD'r not exactly in the mood, sitting on an uncomfortable pink rock, surrounded by pink gravel. The gray cinderblock wall for background and prickly paddle cactus for a companion. The only color is the hair flower and the sunlit greenery on the other side of the wall. And my expression is like, "Could we just get this over with, already!?"

This image has nothing to do with my image of femininity. It's just a fantasy piece. And the wife's comment was just off the cuff and didn't incite any other discussion or derision.

[deebra]

Arbon said it very well, your focus and your wife's competition is Carla being a CD. You love dressing and being a woman and that's where a lot of your mental likes to go. It's not a bad thing, your wife will just have to learn to get use to it, it's part of you , it makes you happy and it's not another woman. And Carla, nice set of boobs in the pic, they look very, very womanly.

[Anne K]

My wife always says that I have raised the dressing bar. I doubt that because she has a great sense of style and wears her clothes nicely. Still, I have to keep her on her toes!

[Becky Blue]

Carla, I have to disagree with some of the suggestions above. I don't believe that it is because you were alone in the picture. I think that if it was a picture of you as a guy on your own your SO would have had no issue if you loved the picture. I believe her reaction in a way could almost be like you are having a kind of affair, the male you is almost asking your wife to share you with Carla. I hope that makes sense.

[Kate T]

Carla

If you want to think of the photo as some sort of art then so be it. If you truly wish to emphasise the drudgery / blandness of the rocks and grey wall contrasted against the bright hair flower and greenery then you should need to use an image manipulation program to make everything except the hair flower and cactus black and white and frame the photo to lose the greenery in the background, there is too much of it and the hair flower is lost in it. To get the "feeling" of being over it you only need a head and shoulders in the photo. Alternatively wearing something longer would remove the focus on your legs and groin and allow those other elements of the photo to come into play more.

Personal artistic preferences aside that is not the reason I dislike the photo. You freely acknowledge it is supposed to be an "old CD" so why are you dressed up trying to look like a 12 year old? That is creepy and gross. And exactly what do you want to "get over with"? You claim that this image does not represent how you view femininity. So why are you dressed in a feminine way in the photo? I also don't understand the "fantasy" thing. A fantasy of what? Because if it is some sort of sexual fantasy then as per my comment about the way you are dressed to look like a young girl, it is gross.

I do not know any woman who would look at that photo and think "wow, thats attractive, that is something I would aspire to". Pretty much any woman looking at the photo is going to think that picture is sexualising, demeaning and disrespectful to women generally. Lose the photo. You're a better person than what is represented there.

[Stephanie Julianna]

I could see my wife saying that. She has verbalized more than once that she does not understand why I want to dress and thinks that I think I am prettier at times when dressed. She adds that she is the real woman in the marriage and I have always agreed.

[Exris]

Do you have a picture of HER on your desktop too?

This should be the top rated comment.

@Carla. You look great as a gal. Really you do. But either your SO is significant ... or she isn't. You decide.

Dress up=fine.
Play time=fine
Fantasy=fine

Playing people... not so fine. For the good of everyone please decide on what you want and stick to it.

[Julie MA]

Carla said there are many pics of wife on the desk. She never said her wife wasn't significant. Who's playing anyone? What drives this hostility and insertion of assumed issues?

[Lily Catherine]

I'll be extremely blunt (albeit impersonal on this here: with utmost respect, it almost seems like you're cheating on your wife with Carla.

[Tracii G]

How do you cheat on your wife with yourself?

[CarlaWestin]

My goodness! This thread is certainly full of energy. So. I absolutely LOVE my Wife. She is my heart. She doesn't exactly like my proclivity but, she views it as part of the program. Like it or not. Like some of the things she prescribes to that I roll my eyes at. Hey, I just like the picture for it's nonconformancy. And it makes me laugh. And that's what wifey loves. I make her laugh. We have a beautiful passionate relationship as friends, lovers and soulmates.

And, Kate T, spare me!

[AmandaM]

She could just as well be jealous of you watching too much football, or another "guy" thing.

[lingerieLiz]

I don't agree. Wives see it as competition for affection, companionship, and relationship.

[TrishaLake]

The 60% male part of me says I have no idea the 40% female part says I would say the same thing...I wouldn't worry too much , maybe just a passing comment.

[Ressie]

I agree it's about attention. Women want attention and a spouse will feel they shouldn't have to compete for it. I'd also say that the competion has something to do with boob size and the way you're dressed. Your wife might dress in a similar fashion at times, but I doubt she's gonna wear big falsies! Nice pic IMO

[Princess Chantal]

As for the "trying to look like a 12 year old" comments.... really? I highly doubt that any 12 year old girl would be wearing garters and stockings!
Carla is simply putting together articles of clothing that she enjoys wearing and is not trying to look like a 12 year old girl.

For the competition part....... perhaps she does feel like your crossdressing is more in your thoughts than she is.

[Meghan4now]

Well not enough of us have piled in the boat to sink it yet!

My thought? Many wives see the CD side as "the other woman", the one that is taking away her man. The irony is that women that feel this way often push their husbands away by their anger and resentment (to a degree). Which becomes a spiral.

On the aesthetic side, that is not a style that I prefer. I don't care for a juvenile mode of dress, and knockers that large (or larger) hang funny and seem out of proportion. My tastes prefer proportion and symmetry. Guess I've been trained that way. But that's my personal preference. If you dig that look, then have at it!

[Lynn Marie]

You've been on this forum a long time Carla, and yet you made this statement as your parting shot in your original post. "I don't get it. And, I've heard all of the psychobabble explanations." So I hear you saying that you're not interested in anything any of us have to say. Then why did you start this thread? You're obviously disrespectful of your wife just having a picture like that on your desk, and you're disrespectful of this forum telling us you've already heard all of our "psychobabble explanations"! You don't " get it "? Just go ask your wife and listen to her for a change.

[Taylor186]

Many wives see the CD side as "the other woman", the one that is taking away her man.

This is exactly how my wife felt for a long time. I've adjusted it down a lot and she is calmer about it now, but that said, I never have reminder photos around the house or home screen.

[Sarasometimes]

I almost never agree with Zooey, but I do this time. I temper this, with it only being a guess from any of us as to why your wife made the comment she did. The lack f a follow-up discussion could or couldn't be a reassuring thing. I know with my SO, sometimes there is a follow-up when the issue is over for her and sometimes that follow-up may come up at a totally different time. I find women to be so complex and my guess is they find males to be so too.

[LilSissyStevie]

My wife will occasionally tease me or make a snarky remark about my proclivity but that only tells me that she is ninety percent OK with it but with 10% anxiety about it. If that weren't true, I'd hear about it all the time as she is not the type to hold her tongue on any subject. That's one of the things I love about her since I never have to play a guessing game about what she is thinking or feeling.

I wouldn't pay too much attention to comments by those deluded CDs that project their own self hate onto more openly fetishistic CDs. Perhaps they think that dressing up like their old Aunt Gertrude and sublimating their "deviant" sexual desires into a persona or identity will make them more acceptable to the muggles. Hint: it won't.

[Kelly DeWinter]

english language is so imprecise , consider the following:

That's my competition - Flat
That's my competition - Bored
That's my competition - Come Hither ....
That's my competition ? - Questioning
That's my competition ? - Intrigued
That's my competition ? - Oh Pulllleeeeze
That's my competition ! - Mocking
That's my competition ! - Shocked
That's my competition ! - Frightened
That's my competition ! - Excited

LOL, without talking to her i'd choose the last one.

[ClosetED]

You want an analysis of what she meant by her words. We have your interpretation of her tone.
She said "Oh, nice" and "That's my competition"
Certainly asking her is best and would be a good bonding event to show you care for her emotional well being.
"Oh, nice" could have many meanings based on her tone.
"That's my competition" is also impacted by tone, but choosing "my" and 'competition' also says a lot to me. "She could have said "That's my husband" and you would understand it differently. If she said "That's your competition", that has very different meaning. And "That's Carla's best?" Would be also very different.
The 'my" says you are part of her life and what you do does have an impact on her. The 'competition' shows she considers some aspect of this as a battle - for attention, time, money, love, sexual energy, whatever.
This is not psychobabble - it is English semantics. What she means by it, you have to ask her. But I think having a discussion, maybe both sitting in a bubble bath or cuddled up, that you care what she thinks and don't want to hurt her, may help. I can see Zooey and Kate T's points of views, but I try not to make judgements. And if you want it more artistic, I can help Photoshop it to eliminate all but a small range of colors.
Hugs, Ellen

[Kate T]

You asked, I tried to explain how a woman sees that photo.

Try asking your wife then Carla what the cold hard truth is about what she thinks of that photo. And if I am way off the mark then my apologies. If not then, well, you decide whether you want to listen to Zooey and myself or not.

[Susan Smith]

Hi Carla, some of the responses above do seem to make assumptions and could be seen as hostile. I wonder if you wife actually meant that her 'competition' is an idealised, glamorous fantasy that no real woman could compete with because it's actually very different to the hugely complex reality of a real women (my comparison is only between a Crossdresser and a genetic women, I am not intending any disrespectful reference to transgender women with that comment) . Several people have suggested that you should ask her what she meant and I agree. My wife and I spent a lot of time talking about 'it' during two separate holidays and I think my wife no longer feels threatened by my occasional crossdressing. You might find the same. Susan

[Kelly DeWinter]

Ok, I thought this thread could use another GG opinion, and since my SO is a frequent lurker on this site I asked her to read the OP post only and give me her opinion. Her response was "That's strange and disturbing, why would a grown person want to dress up as a little girl and have their picture taken". Now I've had photos in many outfits myself, French Maid,Miss Santa, etc. so I asked what's the difference between my photos and Carla's , Her response"You don't dress as a under age girl".

Kate has a lot of valid points too.

One point I will bring up is that a lot of women have varying degrees of what they find appealing in photography In our state we have a ton of photography studios that do Boudoir photography, what man doesn't want a a personal photograph of their spouse ? Raise your hand if you do , Amy I right ?

[Sometimes Steffi]

A lot of harsh comments.

It's been said before, but I think it's your attention that she wants. How much time do you spend thinking about Carla vs your wife.

But, what if the picture was of "Carl" on the golf course. Wouldn't your wife think that the time you spend golfing, watching golf, reading about golf, shopping for golf equipment, etc. is wasted time that should be spent with her. Probably, but is she correct? I don't think so.

[ReineD]

I felt like your wife. I'll try to explain why.

I felt the competition came on two fronts. The first was only present occasionally and this was with my SO's more sexual outfits. I'll stay out of the debate about preferring the sissy look vs a lingerie pin-up girl, since sexual tastes vary widely. But, your outfit is decidedly sexual with the size of the breasts, the length of the dress, thigh-highs, crotch shot, etc. With my SO it was short, tight sweater dresses hugging a curvy, hour glass figure (breast forms, waist cincher, hip pads), with a body pose and facial expression reminiscent of an orgasmic woman. In any case, I felt as if my SO was aroused on occasion by situations that excluded me, since pictures like that do imply sexual arousal, whether the arousal is immediately before, during, or sometime after. I would have felt a sense of competition over anything or anyone that aroused my SO and that excluded me, whether it was another woman, a man, another CDer, porn, certain forms of crossdressing, or having a paid session with a dominatrix.

Second, I perceived that nothing gave my SO as much pleasure as dressing up, even when it wasn't in sexual outfits. My SO used to go to this head zone when she was dressed, and when she was in that head space, it was as if my presence was not necessary. And sometimes, my SO did prefer to dress and spend time with others when I wasn't there, whether it was having lunch with another GG or having a drink at the gay bar. This was impossible for me to understand and it lasted a number of years early in our relationship. It created an imbalance in our relationship because there was nothing that I prioritized over my SO. I felt as if I competed with the CDing (the activity) for a place in my SO's priorities or preferences.

I know you spend time with your wife. My SO and I spent time together too. It wasn't a lack of attention, but the head space that my SO went to, that sort of left me behind. I reached a comparable head space (happiness?) when I was with my SO. Does the imbalance make sense?

To the people who say that wives are jealous of the look, a resounding no. To those who compare it with Sunday football, no again.

There were some great answers in this thread. Carla, it’s a good thing you’re a good sport. :)

[Aunt Kelly]

Reine,
Thanks so much for an informative, useful and decidedly non-confrontational response. It confirms one of the explanations that I had postulated without simply trouncing on the other one. Again, thank you for your insightful contribution.

Hugs,


Kelly

[CarlaWestin]

[/COLOR]That's my competition ? - Oh Pulllleeeeze


That's pretty much the right flavor of her comment. She needed something from my office and I was there doing the tax returns. Her comment was made as I showed her the handsome return we were getting and while smiling she made the comment.


You've been on this forum a long time Carla, and yet you made this statement as your parting shot in your original post. "I don't get it. And, I've heard all of the psychobabble explanations." So I hear you saying that you're not interested in anything any of us have to say. Then why did you start this thread? You're obviously disrespectful of your wife just having a picture like that on your desk, and you're disrespectful of this forum telling us you've already heard all of our "psychobabble explanations"! You don't " get it "? Just go ask your wife and listen to her for a change.

Although this is a straight out, uninformed attack on my character, I'll respectfully refrain from comment.


To the people who say that wives are jealous of the look, a resounding no. To those who compare it with Sunday football, no again.
There were some great answers in this thread. Carla, it’s a good thing you’re a good sport. :)

Thank you, Reine. You really do get it.
And thank you to all of you so far for your responses.

I don't have time to pen a long response but, I do want to note that my wife is my heartbeat.
We have a wonderful close loving relationship and I think about her all the time.
We appreciate and accommodate each other with similarities and differences.

Here's a real artsy contrast photo.

272424

[Sissy_Michelle]

Carla,

I really like the picture. I think you look really nice. As for competition... First, I would start putting more pictures of your wife than of yourself. Second, involve her more in your dressing activities so she doesn't feel as if she is competiting for time with you. Third, if she believes that she is competing with you, which you is she speaking about the man she married or the woman that she feels that she has to compete with?

Please don't take my thoughts as harsh or mean. Just offering an opinion, to something that was brought up with what my wife's friend said to me....

@--}-----
Michelle

[NicoleScott]

Your thoughts?

Be careful what you ask for, right?

So she sent you a message via snarky comment. It could have been explored further but wasn't. No big deal, apparently.
Your desktop, your computer, your choice of makeup, clothing, pose, and setting, your fantasy. Keep the pic.

[Ally 2112]

Maybe your wife see's this as your fantasy instead of what she can do for you ?