Ask A Transsexual - Part Two [Archive] - Crossdressers.com - #1 Community & Forum for Crossdressers, Family and Friends

LeaP

02-05-2017, 10:01 PM

A common question, and the point concerning expectations based on family is often misunderstood. Natal females - who, by and large, experience normal breast development - can expect development along the lines of the females of their family. Genetics always carry the chance of a wild card, but the way things work is that the characteristics of the most recent ancestors heavily predominate, considering the population as a whole. I.e., a girl can look to her mother, grandmothers, and perhaps great-grandmothers.

Along comes a trans person considering HRT. Normal development? Nope, and moreover, several other factors interfere further besides. Long story short, that typical female family development is a long-shot limit for the trans person AT BEST, and most will never reach that. Those that have the best shot at even that are those who start HRT at puberty and even THEY have a few strikes against them.

The web is full of photos of trans breast development. Lots of Tanner stage 1 - 3, some 4, very few stage 5. Tubular development. Little development. No development. Nipple development only. Etc. There's a reason that BAs are such a huge topic among TS.

You can reasonably expect what most get, which is less than they would like.

arbon

02-16-2017, 04:03 PM

A) Is post transition life what you expected it to be?

B) If there were any advice you could give yourself pre-transition what would it be?

I Am Paula

02-16-2017, 06:13 PM

A million times better.
Start earlier.

Rachel Smith

02-16-2017, 07:31 PM

Most days are better than what I had hoped for but there is still life and work though my attitude about both is much improved.

I would like to agree with Paula but than I would have transitioned around 1968-69 and I don't think that would have went over to well at that time thus the wait.

Georgette_USA

02-16-2017, 10:36 PM

Only real expectation was to live the rest of my life as the woman I was.

I think I started about the age that was best, I could understand it and had a good start of a career. Any younger and not sure what my life would have been like. No question on any older.

Hind sight on what to tell pre is not helpful 40 years later. Other than INVEST heavy in Microsoft.

Zooey

02-17-2017, 02:17 AM

Not quite what I expected. I honestly didn't expect my life to be so damn normal, and it's to the point where I'm finding it progressively more and more difficult to relate to the parts of the trans community for whom their "transness" and the community is important to them.

My advice to my pre-transition self would be targeted at myself in 1999, living near Chicago, taking the first steps towards learning who I am. I would tell her that the things she's wondering about ARE possible. Don't wait. Seek them out.

Megan G

02-17-2017, 06:56 AM

A. For me I never had any expectations of what life may look like post transition except for curing the GD. Nothing really has changed for me except for the people I associate with. I've gone from being my son's hockey coach to just another hockey mom in the stands. I would also echo Zooey's comment of not being able to relate to trans people who dwell on the trans community and have slowly distanced myself...

Advice I would give myself is don't wait, the feelings are real, save a lot of heartache and do it now!!! Don't wait..

I Am Paula

02-17-2017, 10:08 AM

Zooey, and Megan- A lot of girls are stuck in the trans community for good. It's like transitioning without coming out, and can't be healthy in the long run. I adore my trans friends, whom I see when I can, but I'm am 100% living among the muggles and loving it. My girlfriend is trans, but we just live as a girl/girl couple in a cis world.

MrDrake

03-22-2017, 10:07 AM

A) "Is post transition life what you expected it to be?" me the only change has been that I now can have the physical attire that my brain has always imagined was there. I no longer struggle with reaching for my body parts that I know I should have always had. So very greatfull that I found the finances to have my procedures.
B) "If there were any advice you could give yourself pre-transition what would it be?" As hard as it is to answer this truthfully I would have to say set aside the family and focus on myself only. This sounds so selfish to say but knowing what I have gone through to this point it makes perfect sence. Finances would have been there, I would have been more free to express myself in different ways without the worries of society hurting my family in any way; the list goes on.

Rachel Smith

03-31-2017, 06:42 PM

A) Far better then what I expected it to be.

B)Why did we wait soooooooooooo loooooooooooong. Set aside family and focus on self true but I would have said it more like "F" everyone else take care of yourself but when I thought of that pre-transition it did sound soooooooo selfish.

Mirya

08-15-2017, 02:55 PM

for everyone: Why do you think you waited so long to transition?

Nancy Sue

09-22-2017, 10:23 PM

What can I expect from HRT? Will I get breasts like my sister's?

My endocrinologist said that with estrogen my body development would most likely be similar to my mother or maternal grandmother. She was right. My breasts development is similar to my mother, and what I remember of my grandmother. They are not quite as large as their's (B/B+ whereas they were both C/C+) - but by the time I saw my mother's she had been developing for, oh, 15-20 years or so - and i have only been developing mine for a year and a half. My hips are similar to both of their's - which is pretty straight hips, like I have always had. Neither of them had that hourglass shape - and neither do it.

maryjanedee

12-12-2017, 07:52 PM

I was told the same by my doctor...similar to my mother n sister...both are DD so even a D would be nice...time will tell

arbon

12-12-2017, 09:05 PM

I would not have to high of expectations for a lot of breast growth on hrt. In real life I don’t know anyone that has had much growth.

IleneD

01-19-2018, 12:29 AM

Please, my sisters, excuse my possible vulgarity or crude-ness. And perhaps there's no way to politely ask about such things.
Nonetheless, I am curious. Curious as someone who is coming to grips with being transgender, and coming out after 40 or so years of hiding. I don't know if full time transition and physical reassignment is in my future, but it's something I should consider as an option.

However, I have a question to those who have undergone SRS (the bottom surgery) and now enjoy having the physical genitals they always needed.

Have you taken it out for a ride yet? Have you as a re-assigned woman made love with a man (or male genitals) and actually used your vagina?
Again, please excuse me for posting this in "Ask A Transexual" but that's the title. So I am asking. It's kind of an obvious question, and one I've not seen addressed or remarked upon.

Mirya

01-19-2018, 01:39 PM

Still too early for me since I'm still recovering from my SRS, but yes I intend to have sex with men. I'm really looking forward to it too! But I'm not going to jump into bed with just any guy though; I have high standards. :)

Nigella

01-20-2018, 06:51 AM

I guess it's like most "personal" topics, a lady does not tell

A man is not in my future, first of all I'm still in love with the woman I married 30 years ago and hope to have many more years with her. Secondly, although I pretended to be one, I find men so unappealing that I cringe at the thought being intimate with them. My sexual orientation has not changed and I still prefer looking, but not touching, women

Mirya

01-22-2018, 04:38 PM

Back when I used to live as a guy, I was always attracted to (fascinated by?) women. But strangely I was never sexually attracted to them. In all my years living as a guy, I never even went to first base with a woman! Something in me always just seemed wrong whenever I tried to be intimate. I wasn’t attracted to men either though, as the thought of two men together just grossed me out. Needless to say I was very confused about my sexuality for a very long time, lol.

After I accepted myself as a woman and started living full time, I slowly started to see men in a different light. I dated men and it felt totally natural and wonderful to be around them like that. Dating was actually fun for the first time! I found myself turned on by men too, especially when we touched, even if it was as simple as him putting his arm around me; something I never felt around women before my transition.

I wouldn’t say that my sexual orientation changed after HRT and transition. Rather, living as my true self helped me understand what my true sexuality was all along.

But it seems to me that the majority of TS women are attracted to women, not men. This is especially true for older transitioners, but I’m beginning to think it’s true across the board.

When I was in Thailand for SRS, most of the TS girls I met (also there for their SRS) were in their 20s. And almost all of them were attracted to women too (some came with their girlfriends).

Anyway, I don’t think there will be many responses to Ilene’s question because in my experience, most post-op TS women don’t have sex with men.

Kaitlyn Michele

01-22-2018, 04:58 PM

Many women dont want to talk about it..especially with folks that have not fully transitioned..
on other hand one strange experience i had is pre transition two trans women literally started pulling their pants down to show me...i was like ...ummm no

lots of girls i know have sex with men....im not that interested in talking about it with people who are not at the point of seriously doing GRS..i understand the curiousity tho..

im older...i am sexually attracted to men...that came as a surprise to me... thing is i am SOCIALLY attracted to women.....i wonder if its classic nature vs nurture....my dates with men have been disasters...i hated every one of them...

i dated women and enjoyed my time but could find no intimacy...

kind of sucks for me..

anybody that predicts their post GRS future is just playing a guessing game....
its such a game changer you cant understand....i agree that more open younger folks might be alot more in touch with their future than people that have 40 and 50 yrs of past and the repressed feelings...

to me, the last thing a person considering GRS should worry about is sex....
btw...its not uncommon to lose feeling, although recent techniques are much better... and it could easily be a disaster...so if you dont really need it to feel whole, walk away...and if you...then go for the best doctor and hope the sex is good
you will likely have a nice tight feeling for guys if thats where you are headed...my experience is the guys really like it..

Georgette_USA

02-04-2018, 10:30 PM

I think my experience is a mixture of things.
Like Mirya prior to transitioned loved women but could not bring myself to make love to them, it just didn't feel right in my head. Had NO interest in men.

After my SRS I had a couple year lovemaking with an older Butch Lesbian. Something I could only dream of before SRS. Plus I had a Post MtF partner, but she was not that interested in sex.
I did try relations with men, None knew of my background. Loved the attention and affection but sex was just not satisfying.

Since my partner died I have gone back out to check things out. Had the same experience with one man with the same old results.
When men think I am Trans, I usually tell them I had SRS and don't have what they want. Seems so many want Pre TS/TG, and I am not what they want.

Devi SM

03-23-2018, 08:12 PM

I just ask in body issues for transexual if any of you post op, so after SRS still feeling in part the pennis.
I ask because I've been tucking 24/7 for several years and even my own pennis is down there back between my legs, I feel it hanging down in front.
I know that in the surgery they relocate part of the pennis creating the vagina to keep sensations.
When a person looses a member for amputation, several report sensations like a ghost member, even sometimes pain.
So how are the sensations there after SRS.
I'm in transition, soon in Hormones and considering if I would go to that point.

Ariana225

04-24-2018, 06:53 AM

Sweating and HRT?

Have any of you experienced a decrease in sweating or about the same after being on HRT? I’ve heard that the smell of your sweat changes, but does the amount you sweat change drastically enough to make a difference?

I have problems easily sweating and was wondering if I transistion if my makeup is going to be ruined constantly 😂

Heidi Stevens

04-24-2018, 07:25 AM

Hi Ariana, I’ve been on HRT for 3 years now and I have noticed a great reduction in sweating. My wife picked up on this too. She noticed that after a day of hard work together, she was soaked and my shirt was barely wet. I’ve also notice that I don’t really stink either. Nice problem, no? I also don’t wear deodorant most days, no reason to.
Remember though, this is just me. You may react differently than I did.

Aprilrain

09-23-2018, 05:13 AM

Have you - actually used your vagina?

My husband is a man (sorta), we had sex about an hour ago. I had my first orgasm, post surgery, that wasn't self inflicted! wow!

jentay1367

10-13-2018, 10:32 PM

for everyone: Why do you think you waited so long to transition?

Unadulterated gutless fear of others opinion of me. So terribly sad and at this juncture, pathetically embarrassing.

Nancy Sue

12-30-2018, 08:48 PM

Was it what I expected? No. It was much better.

I expected to lose a few friends, and I have lost three, long distance friends, that I know of. And one brother. I got over it, and on with my wonderful life. My life attitude is so much better, and I never think of suicide any more.

I expected to lose my clients (my work takes me into client's homes), and my major business (running a school). Neither happened.

I was told by my endo to expect breast development about one cup size less than my mother and maternal grandmother - and thats exactly what I have. I did not ask about the rest of my body, and if I had she would have said it will likely mirror theirs, too - and since the women in my family have small butts, no hips, but do have mid-riff fat - i have developed that, too. I've put on over 20# since I started HRT three years ago.

The biggest issue post-surgery for me was I couldn't restart my exercise routine for nearly six months. And it has been hard to lose the 10# I gained during those months. But I am committed to reclaiming my figure, and will keep working on that.

What would I do differently? I would have started counseling, with a therapist who specializes in working with gender issues, sooner. Could I have transitioned 20 years sooner? No, society was not as accepting then as it is now. And science did not know about genetics we now know.
But if I had read Jennifer Boylan's first book, "She's Not There", in the early 2000's when she wrote it, I would have transitioned many years sooner.

Before I transitioned I felt like a lurker when I dressed. After I transitioned its like my whole life is 'just normal'. I get up, use the restroom, shower, dress, go about my day, and rarely ever think about my body, my genitals, my clothes, other than picking out what I will wear that day, and why.

09-29-2020, 11:40 PM

I noticed these questions were asked near 4 years ago and I would love to hear some insight now on these same two questions.
Thank you in advance.

A) Is post transition life what you expected it to be?

B) If there were any advice you could give yourself pre-transition what would it be?

Nigella

09-30-2020, 11:53 AM

For me,

Post transition has been exactly what I expected it to be, no change to the way I live my life. Throughout my transition and afterwards, I have had non of the issues some TS ladies do/have. We don't live in a big metropolis and I find that most people only notice you if you draw attention to yourself.

The only thing I would advise myself would be to start hair removal earlier, once you are sure that you are going to be transition, even if its later rather than sooner. When you do start electrolysis, get some of the more painful areas treated at each session, it bloody hurts to have session after session on the painful areas.

Jeri Ann

09-30-2020, 01:45 PM

A. Some say that I started transitioning 40 years ago when I completed electrolysis. At that time I certainly dreamed of living my life more authentically but I was convinced that I would never transition. The world I knew was completely unaccepting and intolerant. Even when I started HRT 20 years ago I was convinced that I could hold out forever. There was too much to lose. As it turned out, I couldn't hold out forever. When I transitioned I anticipated living a private life, in the shadows, minding my own business and left alone. Pretransition I really thought that some relationships would endure.

I was wrong about living a private life. I got involved and volunteered with organizations of all kinds including the Houston Rodeo and Habitat for Humanity. I have even met with lawmakers at the State Capital. Unfortunately I was also wrong about the relationships. I have only one old friend and no family after transition. However, I have many new friends, some of which have become my new family. That I did not expect.

The surgeries and recovery have been a pain in the butt, pun intended. I have spent a lot of time healing. I had never even thought about that beforehand.

B. I'm not sure that you can change one thing about the past without changing, and missing out on, a lot of things but, of course, I wish I could have transitioned much earlier. I wish I could have known earlier that I was even going to transition. It might have been helpful if I could have encouraged myself to maybe do more to minimize hurt, mine and others. I would also have assured myself that, despite obstacles and difficulties, there is a peace that can be achieved no other way.

Dorit

10-01-2020, 03:04 AM

I would say that my post transition life is so much more than I expected. I am still amazed that I was able to do it after a lifetime of being in the closet. I would often say in the past that I just wanted to be able to take the trash out as Dorit! Now I move through my day as the women I am and accepted as such in the society that I am now a part of. What did surprise me was that I had many religious friends, mostly women, some for as long as 30 years, that totally rejected me when I came out. It was painful at first, but I accepted it as part of the cost of transitioning, and moved on to new friends and even a new, accepting, religious expression.

I was a bit apprehensive about my surgeries, wondering if I would regret such an irreversible act. Once again, I was surprised to see I how delighted I am in my body and grateful that I had the courage to do it. For me this was the ultimate confirmation that I am a transsexual women!

As to what I would do differently, I generally do not like to go on the path of "what if" and instead try to come to a place of acceptance of "what is." I would say as a minor issue that I would have liked to concentrated more on facial hair removal earlier on in my transition.

Nadine Spirit

10-01-2020, 05:45 AM

A. Is post transition life what I expected? I suppose that I am post transition, but maybe some would say no because I have yet to have GCS, not that it is a requirement of being TS, but it is in my future. However I did change my hormones 3+ years ago, and legally and socially transitioned 2+ years ago now, oh and had an orchi done last year. Thus being as I have now been full time for more than 2 years, I'm going to answer the question from that perspective........................ No post transition life is not what I expected. It is SO much better than I could have ever imagined. Because everything in my life changed for the better? Not really, my life is pretty much the same as it was before, only now I'm actually able to be me, and the freedom within that is huge. I expected to be fully shunned and to lose everything, friends, family, employment, etc. But really I have lost next to nothing. What I have gained though feels priceless.

B. I agree with some others, I would tell my pre-transition self to get herself to an electrologist immediately! That was most likely the toughest part of the first year after I socially transitioned as I had not even started it. Having to grow out my facial hair for about a week while trying to present as the best me possible was very challenging, and often left me in tears.

Dorit

10-02-2020, 02:16 AM

A. Is post transition life what I expected? I suppose that I am post transition, but maybe some would say no because I have yet to have GCS, not that it is a requirement of being TS, but it is in my future.
.

I completely agree with this, being TS is in our brains and not our genitals. I would add though that for me personally, and also for some other TS women, experiencing GCS is like going through a second transition!:battingeyelashes:

Jeri Ann

10-10-2020, 06:51 PM

. . . being TS is in our brains and not our genitals. I would add though that for me personally, and also for some other TS women, experiencing GCS is like going through a second transition!:battingeyelashes:

I agree. My friend D.J. completely transitioned several years ago and has never taken hormones nor will she ever have surgery. Health issues prevent any of that. Regardless, she was recently referred to as one of the most successful women attorneys in Texas.

Concerning GRS, I agree with Dorit. It is an experience that is hard to describe. The noise in your head stops. The battle/ quest/ struggle/ journey is complete leaving you feeling just that - complete.

oh to be rachel

01-21-2022, 10:43 AM

Question, coming over from the CD forums for this one.

There's always that argument that Cross Dressers are just holding back on transitioning. Actually there's that joke about the difference between a CD and a TS being about 3 years. And if this whole subject is even broached, you'll get a bunch of CDs say nope, not never. They refuse to acknowledge it's a thing.

So my question to the folks transition, did you start off with some serious crossdressing as you found your way to understanding where you wanted to be?

Thanks

Devi SM

01-21-2022, 11:06 AM

To answer your question I should say that trans people from today is different from few years ago.
Today information is abundant but i think that most of us started as Crossdressers.

Our perception on gender is what we see and the obvious difference between a woman and a man is how they dress.

Additionally to that, the deep rooted stereotype in,.especially men, that a man is "less man if is femenine" stop so many on do it. If you add religion issues, that are very strong in our minds, most of us do it in secret for years but to dress is not enough and we need the assurance and acceptance of the world around so we start going out.

The rest is history and it takes some guts to go against to what is deep rooted in our minds to accept and proceed into transition.

That's basically my experience.

Unfortunately there's that huge confused component of the difference between sex and gender and many Crossdressers fall into sex promiscuity thinking that to be a woman means to have sex with a man that add more confusion and secretism to the equation.

I personally believe that, especially on this website, there are many Crossdressers that resist, don't believe, don't know, or can't move forward to be their real one, for all the obstacle mentioned, to live as woman, so they are transgender.

A transgender born as one.

oh to be rachel

01-21-2022, 11:23 AM

Today information is abundant but i think that most of us started as Crossdressers.

Thanks. Agreed, there's a lot of confusing scary obstacles to transition vs just CD

Aunt Kelly

01-21-2022, 03:15 PM

It's not as simple as that. Yes, the prospect of transition (in all it's details) is daunting for anyone who even flirts with the notion, but some of us know from an early age who we really are. Others, myself included, identify as cross-dresser, gender fluid, whatever before coming to grips with our identity. Just remember that gender identity may be a "spectrum", but not everyone is moving toward the same destination. Most cross-dressers are just that. A couple of friends here have found "non-binary" as the place they feel at peace.
No, not simple at all. When I tell be people "I'm complicated", I really mean it. :)

Katya@

01-21-2022, 09:19 PM

I was never into heavy crossdressing before the transition. I wanted to wear something from the Women's isle to get some comfort. I had few things here and there. Since the transition, I dress no differently than most woman I know.

HelpMe,Rhonda

01-22-2022, 05:48 AM

Oh, I did the crossdressing thing for as long as I had the opportunity to, my intro post here not that many years ago is all about CDing.

I didn't think I was 'holding back' on transitioning, I did the 'just a man who like dresses' thing, but realizing that wanting/wishing to somehow magically wake up a woman your entire life means you're trans.

The whole Null Hypothecis (https://freethoughtblogs.com/nataliereed/2012/04/17/the-null-hypothecis/) deal.

Nikki.

01-22-2022, 11:01 AM

That?s a great blog post. It sounded really familiar so I?m pretty sure I read it in the depths of dysphoria a few years ago. An article that nailed it for me on gender desire vs gender identity. I wish this article was around when my egg cracked?. https://medium.com/@kemenatan/gender-desire-vs-gender-identity-a334cb4eeec5

Debra Russell

01-22-2022, 02:03 PM

A great read, and lots to relate too - You can wish and want but reality sets in, born male and at this stage in life can only suppose what it would have been like and try to emulate the feminine ...........................Debra

Nikki.

01-22-2022, 04:16 PM

I’m 50 :) So far my only regret is not expediting the process once I accepted I was a trans woman. But I’m super glad I chose to transition.

I wasn’t born a male. I was born a trans woman. :)

Dorit

01-23-2022, 03:21 AM

I would like to offer a different prospective. A true transgender or transsexual that was born with the brain anomaly never "cross-dressed!" It was for many of us the only way to express our true selves. When modern psychology and medicine began to understand people like us, it opened up a new world of possibilities of self expression that were once considered unacceptable or even a mental illness.

So I started wearing girls clothes at 4 years old, but I never cross-dressed.:battingeyelashes:
I transitioned socially and medically at 70 years old.

HelpMe,Rhonda

01-23-2022, 05:53 AM

I self accepted as transgender a couple years ago, but up til then I still thought of myself as a cross dresser. When I had makeup and pics done professionally the first time I captioned the first one 'first time seeing me' or 'glad to meet me', so maybe, yeah, I wasn't 'cross dressing' except all the times I was in guy mode.

Crissy 107

01-23-2022, 07:17 AM

Coming over from the CD side of this site I find this discussion extremely interesting. Thanks

Nadine Spirit

01-23-2022, 07:55 AM

GretchenM

01-23-2022, 10:06 AM

Fascinating discussion and full of lots of variations and similarities. Back in December 2012 and January 2013 when in therapy I seriously considered transitioning, but as I got to know more transwomen I realized that there was a poor match between my mental view and theirs. Wonderful women for sure, but it did not seem to fit me. When I first came out (August 2012) I did the "What category am I in?" dance and my initial fit seemed to be in what was then called androgynous (now mostly non-binary). That fits me quite well, but when my mind wanders over toward the female-like side the transition thinking pops in. I consider myself non-binary, but I always keep in mind that this is flexible thing and it can always shift in any direction. In a word, don't reject any possibility.

I agree with Dorit that how you are oriented in your gender is a function of certain brain configurations. It has little to do with your sex and the science shows that is very much the case. I strongly accept the findings of Dr. Daphna Joel (U. of Tel Aviv) Gender Mosaic Theory. Basically, our genders are a mosaic of female-like, male-like, and intermediate gender traits and characteristics and associated behaviors most of which are learned but are supported by the configuration of our brains as a result of genetic and environmental influences. And your personal mosaic changes as it revolves around a particular basic pattern of thinking and perception. In a sense, everybody's gender is a shape-shifter that has certain boundaries established by your genetics.

Most trans people seem to start out about the same way - curiosity and experimentation driven by some deeply seated "need." But in the course of our lives it all becomes more and more refined. Some find points that bring happiness and stability while others keep going and eventually find themselves completely reversed from what is the stereotypical and traditional expectation. Kind of a "If it fits wear it" kind of thing.

It is a beautiful thing to see a person find a place where they are happy, stable, and secure within themselves. It is where we should all end up with the full achievement of that which fits you best. If it is full transition or something less defined - it doesn't really matter. What matters is whether you are secure in that place. The flip side to that coin is that the neural mosaic can change and evolve and thus a stability at one point may last for awhile, possibly a long while, and then it may shift in a direction that is consistent with our basic configuration that defines the outline of our gender sense of self.

Sarah Doepner

01-24-2022, 08:59 PM

It hasn't been 3 years, it's been a long, slow journey of 35 or 40 years for me because I identified as a crossdresser for many of those years. In a way that self-definition prevented me from seeing the scope of my gender identity quandary. I didn't recognize my dysphoria for what it was and found the easiest ways to stop feeling that strange, uncomfortable longing. I picked the low hanging fruit, but as the years went on there was less and less that I could reach. In the beginning it was once every few months in the closet with just a few borrowed clothing items that would do the trick. Then I wanted my own things and looked forward to more frequent and longer sessions. Then I had to get out of the closet, then meet others online, then in person, then tell someone and so on and so on. The dysphoria was being addressed but it was not being resolved.

It wasn't until I was years into hormone therapy, out to the world and following a couple of surgeries that I no longer felt my dysphoria. It was either transition or carry the weight of hiding and feeling the misery of dysphoria with me all my days. Today, I'm finally mostly comfortable with who I am, but I don't plan on stopping my transition journey. The motivation is just different than it was before.

Maxine Smith

01-22-2024, 04:35 PM

Question for those that have transitioned: what made you decide that transitioning was right for you?

Maid_Marion

01-22-2024, 05:10 PM

Plenty saved for retirement! Decided the workplace and neighborhood was sufficiently open minded enough for me to transition in place!
When they put in a dress code I was able to wear skorts to work and nobody said anything.
High heels were quite practical as they could hear me coming down the hallway even though they couldn't see me as there was a T intersection.

HelpMe,Rhonda

01-23-2024, 06:31 AM

Found it harder to not accept myself as the decades went by, then the combination of covid restrictions preventing crossdressing and creating worry of mortality plus a few 'gender swap' selfies led to the proverbial egg crack, and once I allowed the idea of actually transitioning it felt undeniable. Read the list of effects of HRT more seriously and thought I want all of those good ones.

Sarah Doepner

01-26-2024, 03:45 PM

I tried everything I could think of or was told about that might help quiet my dysphoria. Some never worked and others worked for a while before they too failed to provide relief. Once I was widowed and retired in an "empty nest" I found all my reasons to not transition were little more than false fronts that hid the truth. I was startled to discover how much correcting my hormones helped me find peace of mind. It wasn't enough and I had to get some surgeries and start living full time. Finally, that longing has vanished, and I can finally experience life as someone cis gender does. That is, not worrying about my gender and being able to focus on life without running everything through the "fear of discovery" filter.

BustyOlivia

03-24-2024, 05:51 PM

Oh fun, label time. I have used many of them over my life:

child/teen - weirdo, freak, social misfit
20's - sexual fetishist
30's - transvestite
early 40's - cross dresser ----- see right here, I used cross dresser, lol
mid 40's - trans woman
now - woman/female

Your journey always sounds like what happens in my head. In my culture, there are some spirits who are both male and female at the same time. So I?ve always identified as such and cross dressing has been enough to satisfy that side but dreams and repeated specific feelings when when fully one side of myself have me wondering how some of you made the decision. I imagine I would just know and that?s that, like no question at all, but is that just a fantasy? Were you girls
Just as skeptical or absolute?

Jeri Ann

03-25-2024, 08:57 AM

Speaking for myself, it was absolute. If there is a choice, don?t transition. Here?s why; you may lose family, friends, home, community, wealth and possessions. Physical/medical transition is painful with long recovery and horribly expensive. Hormones and surgeries will not turn you into the young attractive female in your fantasies, only a feminized version of yourself.

You have not experienced life as Olivia, just occasional time alone, maybe an inconspicuous drive. You also seem to be in a DADT relationship. You remain in this situation because of your fears. I know because this was my life many years ago.

You will know if and when transition is necessary.

BiancaEstrella

09-27-2024, 02:01 AM

Question for those that have transitioned: what made you decide that transitioning was right for you?

On the evening of December 14, 2017, I was doing laundry and pulled a bulky men's sweater out of the washing machine. I thought to myself: "This is nonsense. This sweater isn't *you*. This sweater has never been you. None of this stuff is. All of it can go today or tomorrow and I'd be more than happy without it!" I packed up almost all of my "man" attire that night and vowed to donate it. I'd been living in both worlds for a bit, but was pretty much only going to work in a manner of masculinity, all my social life for the previous year and a half was happening as Bianca. Since everyone knew her anyway, and it seemed as though people genuinely liked the version of me I'd been repressing for so long, I figured it was a good time to go full-time. I say almost because I spent another two months with work being the last place to come out, and everyone was pretty chill about it when I did - the boys' gang suddenly had a woman on the team, and what a pleasant surprise it was. The very next day, Valentine's Day 2018, I reported to work as Bianca for the first time - no problems at all.

I'd shut down all of "his" social media at some point in early 2017, but came back to announce "his" farewell - then logged in to my account and answered people's questions in the comments. I wish I'd saved that entire post & replies, somehow. I got some of the best affirmation in those comments and questions.

At no point did I feel like the walls were caving in, or that some external pressure was going to force me to come out prematurely. I did it at my own pace with an extremely strong group of core friends who'd had my back for years prior to that point, so I was never worried about being outed or any consequence thereto. I'm grateful to have done it where I did, when I did, how I did. I got to control the narrative on anything and everything to do with myself.

Question, coming over from the CD forums for this one.

There's always that argument that Cross Dressers are just holding back on transitioning. Actually there's that joke about the difference between a CD and a TS being about 3 years. And if this whole subject is even broached, you'll get a bunch of CDs say nope, not never. They refuse to acknowledge it's a thing.

So my question to the folks transition, did you start off with some serious crossdressing as you found your way to understanding where you wanted to be?

Thanks

Crossdresser is still the label I've worn the longest - from 2007 til 2017, I called myself a crossdresser. In 2016 I added genderfluid to cleanly state my gender identity, and wanted the fact that I crossdress or blend-dress to not be seen as a hobby, but as a sincere exploration of how I understood myself. I've referred to myself as transgender since the end of 2017.

I joke that it all got real when I started wearing and even preferring women's flat shoes/sandals instead of trying to pair heels with every outfit, but everyone has their reasons for why that may be their default choice. For me it was a sort of watershed point, though.

I wouldn't say that every crossdresser wants to transition, though. I think many are fine with being perceived as men for a large percentage of the time, but then enjoy dressing and presenting as women for a shorter period of time. That may be an inverted time schedule for some people who crossdress but it's not my responsibility to determine who someone else is or wants to be - it's yours to tell me and mine to believe when you do. Duration and/or opportunity may be impacted by circumstance, so in my view nobody is "less than" because they don't crossdress "enough." Nor do they "need to" transition because they crossdress "too much." It's your world to make your decision and over here, I understand the complex life choices you may be making or at least considering.

I am thankful for the time I was a crossdresser and have no plans to turn my back on the label, or the people who do it, or the time where it was my own to wear.

RoseReve

10-10-2024, 01:24 PM

The flip side to that coin is that the neural mosaic can change and evolve and thus a stability at one point may last for awhile, possibly a long while, and then it may shift in a direction that is consistent with our basic configuration that defines the outline of our gender sense of self.

Dear Gretchen,

I strongly agree with this view.

And I'm adding a question to everyone here. It's not easy to formulate, as this can be something very subtle, so I hope you'll understand what I mean.

Have you ever experienced this "neural mosaic" thing: the feeling that you just lived a slight change in your mind which, thanks to the many ways of confirming the inner feeling of your gender (clothes, seeing you pretty in the mirror, being called Madam, the effect of hormones, the result of surgery, acceptation by your family, friends, work environment...) makes you feel more like you actually are a woman, and not just feeling that it is where you will find your happiness, what you want and desire for your future? That it has suddenly become actual?

I'm asking this because nowadays I'm experiencing these kinds of moments...And I haven't found anything on the web about how a transition also creates changes in the brain, the conscience, the feeling of oneself...Call it reconfiguration, rewiring (yes I'm a lot into psychology/psychoanalysis :heehee:)

Thanks if you have some reflexions to share about this.

All the best, cheers,

Rose :rose2: