Maria 60
02-04-2017, 09:42 AM
Yesterday my wife bought me a few new dresses that she said she found on the clearence rack, she asked me why I don't go threw my fem cloths and clear out some of the older style ones.
She asked me why is it's so hard for me to throw out anything fem and that I wear my pantyhose until the last thread before I throw them out, even though I have enough new pantyhose to last 3 life times.
I told her about my grandmother, she lived threw a war, and starved threw it. Living with her all my life I never once seen her throw any food out, she would eat leftovers for days later. When I asked her why eat that food when there's new food in the fridge, she answered me because she was so hungry and starving that she would have giving anything for some food, that now she can't throw it out, and believe it was the same for myself. I wanted fem things so bad when I was younger and couldn't get them and now that I have some, I find it hard to throw it out.
Even though when I told me wife about my dressing, I told her everything from my first time to that same morning I put on her pantyhose, but never got indept with it. She was asking me questions about my past and my dressing, it was pitting my stomach just thinking about it. She starting asking me questions like where did I get my things and if my family had any idea. (This is going to be long, I'm going to be telling my life story)
I really didn't want to talk about it, but then I told her I wore mostly my moms and sharing room with my sister I had a lot of things at my disposal. When my sister moved out I started my own collection when I was working in a grocery store part time telling the cashiers I was buying pantyhose for my mom. My mother would donate cloths to an organization and people would bring bags of cloth to her to donate, and I would go threw them and find skirts and slips that I would take. I guess I was alittle niave being younger because I would hide the pantyhose and every once in a while I would find them washed and folded, never thinking who did it, my mom or grandmother.
I told her my mom caught me once wearing her skirt and pantyhose but I fan away from her and she never said anything about it. My parents would travel a lot and I would stay home with my grandparents, at night I would wear pantyhose and a slip or just pantyhose and watch TV, I would fall asleep on the couch and when I would wake up I would have a blanket on me. I guess my grandmother put it on me and she had to notice I was wearing pantyhose, nothing was ever said and she must have taking it to her grave.
I never did much I usally only wore pantyhose and slips, it just felt so relaxing wearing fem things and then I would masterbate and feel guilty for a few days and then do it all over again.
I asked her if she wanted to hear more because it gets worse, she wanted to hear more.
Me and my father would stay up and watch Johny Carson almost ever night, one night he was going to bed, he went to the washroom and came back again. I asked him if he was OK because he didn't go to bed, he told me that my mother caught me in her clothes a few times and that I have women's cloths in my drewers and what I'm I doing with them. Caught off guard I didn't know what to say and you have to remember this is 1979 and a old fashion Italian traditional man. He told me he was disappointed and ashamed that I was his son and in the future not to leave my stuff out in the open. My first thought was my mom is a rat, and then I wondered what he was talking about my stuff out in the open. I was going to bed and went in the washroom and there I found my answer, my mom took a shower before bed and forgot her clothes and my father thought they were mine. My mom forgetting her clothe that night costed me my father not able to look my in the eyes and not talking for 8 years.
My wife looking at me shocked and now understanding our bad relationship we had when she first started coming to my house.
After I was married for a few years my father called me and asked me for some help, after we were done he got 2 beers and sat next to me and told me. The past is in the past and what I do is between me and my wife and if I don't do nothing right again in my life, I did one thing right and that is me marring my wife. After that day we were not father and son anymore, we were best friends, and on my fathers dying moments his last word were to my wife, telling her what a great person she is and a blessing to our family.
I told my wife not to get her head to blown up, but that she changed my life, because when I told her about the dressing, she didn't go running back to her mother saying she married a fag. Instead she was OK with it as long as I wanted to keep it in the closet and enjoy and share it with her. After that my world changed not thinking something was wrong with me and all the guilt lifted I got my confidence back and went back to school graduated and found a job I always wanted to do.
Tears now running down my wife face like a waterfall she told me WOW! She didn't know what a horrible childhood and that she never would have guessed and how I lived with all that guilt and with my fathers disappointment and surprised I wasn't in a mental ward. I told her that's why when she calls it a blessing and believes because of the dressing we have been married for thirty plus years and have a close relationship and I call it a curse. She now understand why I felt that way.
I didn't want to talk about it anymore because it was really pitting my stomach just thinking about, she gave me a hug and told me we should go out and buy me something pretty. I told her she already bought me a few dresses and that she spoils me already. She told me that I spoil her and that I don't have to throw anything out.
I know I never wanted to think back, but now talking about it and how really tough it was with this burden hovering over us. It's like I was living my life trying to block that part out of my mind.
Living with the guilt was the worst part. Sorry it was so long but thought I would share that it's not all pretty dresses and there are dark days in our world. Anyone else want to share some past,or should we just leave it in the past?
She asked me why is it's so hard for me to throw out anything fem and that I wear my pantyhose until the last thread before I throw them out, even though I have enough new pantyhose to last 3 life times.
I told her about my grandmother, she lived threw a war, and starved threw it. Living with her all my life I never once seen her throw any food out, she would eat leftovers for days later. When I asked her why eat that food when there's new food in the fridge, she answered me because she was so hungry and starving that she would have giving anything for some food, that now she can't throw it out, and believe it was the same for myself. I wanted fem things so bad when I was younger and couldn't get them and now that I have some, I find it hard to throw it out.
Even though when I told me wife about my dressing, I told her everything from my first time to that same morning I put on her pantyhose, but never got indept with it. She was asking me questions about my past and my dressing, it was pitting my stomach just thinking about it. She starting asking me questions like where did I get my things and if my family had any idea. (This is going to be long, I'm going to be telling my life story)
I really didn't want to talk about it, but then I told her I wore mostly my moms and sharing room with my sister I had a lot of things at my disposal. When my sister moved out I started my own collection when I was working in a grocery store part time telling the cashiers I was buying pantyhose for my mom. My mother would donate cloths to an organization and people would bring bags of cloth to her to donate, and I would go threw them and find skirts and slips that I would take. I guess I was alittle niave being younger because I would hide the pantyhose and every once in a while I would find them washed and folded, never thinking who did it, my mom or grandmother.
I told her my mom caught me once wearing her skirt and pantyhose but I fan away from her and she never said anything about it. My parents would travel a lot and I would stay home with my grandparents, at night I would wear pantyhose and a slip or just pantyhose and watch TV, I would fall asleep on the couch and when I would wake up I would have a blanket on me. I guess my grandmother put it on me and she had to notice I was wearing pantyhose, nothing was ever said and she must have taking it to her grave.
I never did much I usally only wore pantyhose and slips, it just felt so relaxing wearing fem things and then I would masterbate and feel guilty for a few days and then do it all over again.
I asked her if she wanted to hear more because it gets worse, she wanted to hear more.
Me and my father would stay up and watch Johny Carson almost ever night, one night he was going to bed, he went to the washroom and came back again. I asked him if he was OK because he didn't go to bed, he told me that my mother caught me in her clothes a few times and that I have women's cloths in my drewers and what I'm I doing with them. Caught off guard I didn't know what to say and you have to remember this is 1979 and a old fashion Italian traditional man. He told me he was disappointed and ashamed that I was his son and in the future not to leave my stuff out in the open. My first thought was my mom is a rat, and then I wondered what he was talking about my stuff out in the open. I was going to bed and went in the washroom and there I found my answer, my mom took a shower before bed and forgot her clothes and my father thought they were mine. My mom forgetting her clothe that night costed me my father not able to look my in the eyes and not talking for 8 years.
My wife looking at me shocked and now understanding our bad relationship we had when she first started coming to my house.
After I was married for a few years my father called me and asked me for some help, after we were done he got 2 beers and sat next to me and told me. The past is in the past and what I do is between me and my wife and if I don't do nothing right again in my life, I did one thing right and that is me marring my wife. After that day we were not father and son anymore, we were best friends, and on my fathers dying moments his last word were to my wife, telling her what a great person she is and a blessing to our family.
I told my wife not to get her head to blown up, but that she changed my life, because when I told her about the dressing, she didn't go running back to her mother saying she married a fag. Instead she was OK with it as long as I wanted to keep it in the closet and enjoy and share it with her. After that my world changed not thinking something was wrong with me and all the guilt lifted I got my confidence back and went back to school graduated and found a job I always wanted to do.
Tears now running down my wife face like a waterfall she told me WOW! She didn't know what a horrible childhood and that she never would have guessed and how I lived with all that guilt and with my fathers disappointment and surprised I wasn't in a mental ward. I told her that's why when she calls it a blessing and believes because of the dressing we have been married for thirty plus years and have a close relationship and I call it a curse. She now understand why I felt that way.
I didn't want to talk about it anymore because it was really pitting my stomach just thinking about, she gave me a hug and told me we should go out and buy me something pretty. I told her she already bought me a few dresses and that she spoils me already. She told me that I spoil her and that I don't have to throw anything out.
I know I never wanted to think back, but now talking about it and how really tough it was with this burden hovering over us. It's like I was living my life trying to block that part out of my mind.
Living with the guilt was the worst part. Sorry it was so long but thought I would share that it's not all pretty dresses and there are dark days in our world. Anyone else want to share some past,or should we just leave it in the past?