Ask a GG - Part Two [Archive] - Crossdressers.com - #1 Community & Forum for Crossdressers, Family and Friends

Gabriella111

03-11-2017, 08:51 AM

For the first question, was the "raw" feeling related specifically to you being transgender? I think "raw" is probably an accurate description for how many feel after a breakup with someone they love. Only once have I been in a relationship where I was in love and it ended. That was a hell that took a long time to get through. It was around two years post-break up before I started to feel better about it all.

For the second question, I like that it's part of who he is and not a private kink. But my friends, some of them, can't wrap their brain around it. Gender bending seems to bend their mind. Maybe that's why I love that he's so out with it. I've been an advocate ally for the LGBT community since I learned about it in my youth, and I support most efforts to break the concept of the gender binary. I think he's beautiful, inside and out, and him being who he is in public... in my eyes that's bigger than him. He's contributing to normalizing a different understanding of gender. He's maybe (hopefully!) inspiring or encouraging others to be themselves in public. He's taking risks because it makes him happy to be out and accepted as who he is, and I think that's utterly beautiful and inspiring. I LOVE that about him.

kimdl93

03-15-2017, 10:01 AM

I'm sure this is a question many heterosexual CD and TG people would like to ask. If you met your CD or TG partner while they were en femme, where and how did it happen?

03-18-2017, 03:11 PM

We met on here :) became friends ... When I was driving up to see family up this way and we decided to meet. We would talk on cam most everyday till the fateful day. I always liked to go dancing with my friends and we would talk about going dancing together ( she never had) so we met and went to a club ( that use to be here) and danced the night away. From the moment we met it was love in first sight.We lived in different country's so when ever I came up it was usually weekends and the entire time it was Sherlyn. Never met the guy side till about 6 months when I had a week vacation. That was all long ago now .:love:

Just to explain more.... I joined here to help a friend come out to their wive that they hid this from all their married life. Everyone was super nice and made a group of friends that I really connected to.
So I as a dare wrote a post " A GG looking for her CD" Big mistake as I had many married cders write me and say they would leave their wife for someone accepting ect . So I decided NOT date anyone from here as I wanted to be with someone that loved me for me only and not because I as accepting. When I was not looking for love I found it with someone I connected as a friend already.

Gabriella111

03-20-2017, 12:17 PM

He hosted an orphan's Thanksgiving at his house for friends and others who had no other plans for the holiday. His roommate at the time is a friend and former co-worker, and she invited me. He put out a note on the Facebook event page that anyone who wanted to arrive early was welcome to. So I showed up an hour or so before anyone else. I had heard stories about him from my friend for about a year, but just about how awesome a friend he is. She never mentioned he was a CD, so I didn't expect to find a guy in women's clothes. He doesn't really do en femme so much, but he was wearing women's skinny jeans and a women's tee with a lacy cami under. White socks and black Mary Janes, which was the real standout part of his outfit.

It was immediately apparent that he was a CD, and as someone unfamiliar with it, I wrongly assumed he must be gay, but then he started flirting with me as the night went on. We were basically a thing by the end of the night. We met up the next day and I've seen him every day since. I basically live with him now, only staying at my own house when I have my kids, and we're making plans to move in together in a couple of months.

I don't really know how to explain it, as I've never experienced anything like it before. We just immediately fell in love, and it's been amazing.

ReineD

03-21-2017, 11:41 PM

Is it easier for you to accept cross dressing if it is a sexual kink versus a gender identity issue?

It is easy for me to accept the CDing because I know that it is at times important for my SO to dress. My SO does not dress for sexual kink, nor does he have a female gender identity. But, if I were to choose between the two, I’d choose neither. Sexual kinks by themselves are OK, but oftentimes it goes deeper than that for a CDer who has a sexual motive. It is often a sexual preference, which has the potential to eclipse a GG’s role in her sex life with her SO. She wants her SO to be aroused by her more than by the thought of being female. As to gender identity, if my SO identified as a female I think I might constantly be wondering when she would transition, which would be problematic because I am not nor have I ever been attracted to females.

I'm sure this is a question many heterosexual CD and TG people would like to ask. If you met your CD or TG partner while they were en femme, where and how did it happen?

I think that very few of us here have met our SOs in girl mode, or at least this seems to have been the case for the majority of the GGs who’ve joined this forum over the years. As for me, I knew my SO for 3 years before we began dating, but I did find out about the CDing as soon as we began dating. I met her a few weeks later. I had asked him if I could participate and my SO invited me over. We spent an afternoon talking and cuddling on the sofa. It was at that time that I knew my SO was the same person, no matter how dressed.

ReineD

03-25-2017, 03:56 PM

[EDIT - it appears as if the person I responded to deleted their question and as I didn't quote them the following response has lost context - but I'll leave it here in case it answers another person's questions.]

I tended to see it as black and white in the beginning: either the birth-male who presents as a female is a woman in the wrong body (TS), or does it for fetish (CD, TV, etc). Since it wasn't overtly sexual for my SO, I was convinced for many years that my SO was a TS in denial and that eventually my SO would transition. When, after some years, I realized that my SO is neither a woman nor someone who does this for fetish (in the way that "fetish" is commonly understood), I devised an understanding that gender is flexible (bi-gender, dual-gender, agender, pan-gender, TG, in-between, etc). But, since both men and women experience a wide variety of personalities/aptitudes/preferences that cross over into all the stereotypical gender boxes, including how stereotypically "feminine" or "not feminine" a woman may choose to present (right now I’m wearing jeans and a plaid flannel shirt lol), now I see it as a facet of personality, whether innate or developed over time, that is not necessarily gender-related.

Unless a person is most definitely transsexual (experiences a dire need to alter their hormones and their body such that it matches their inner gender ID), I see it as a preferred activity that enhances a person's mood, which in the final analysis is indeed a part of who someone is. Seeing it as a preferred activity (vs gender) does not make it any less valid or less a part of who someone is. Who we all are is comprised of the sum total of all facets of our personalities, our preferences, our aptitudes and talents, our shortcomings, all of our past experiences that have shaped who we have become, in short, everything. And all of these things, other than our physical attributes, span both genders.

So basically, now I define gender as the state of either being male of female, with "male" and "female" as terms that describe a person's sex rather than their preferences. I used to define gender according to dictionary definitions, as "behavioral, cultural, or psychological traits typically associated with one sex" but in our culture now, there simply are no longer "typical traits" associated with any one sex - not when you consider the varied roles that modern men and women play in their lives, other than their physical differences. So in other words, I see myself as a woman because I have a female body and not because of the things that I prefer or do not prefer doing. I don’t tend to enjoy "girly-girl" stuff at my age and I do enjoy doing things that cross the stereotypical divide (analytical stuff, repairing things, etc), but this does not make me any less a woman nor does it mean that I am somehow closer to being a man than a younger, girlier-girl counterpart.

Gabriella111

03-26-2017, 11:54 AM

My bf's CDing started with socks, then underdressing, decades ago. His collection is massive, and he takes such care with it all. Dressers and chests organized by brand, color, cut, etc. He did an overhaul of his pantie drawers the other day, as they had become disorganized (which was probably my fault). He said he was being much less meticulous about it than usual. Which, as someone who just tossers her undies in a drawer, was sort of an amazing thing to hear while watching him ponder where to put each carefully folded and stacked (by color) pile (by brand). And he otherwise takes great care with all of his clothing.

That's the only thing for which I've observed such behavior with him. He acknowledges it as "his crazy". I certainly don't mind it.

ReineD

03-27-2017, 12:52 AM

[EDIT - it appears as if the person I responded to deleted their question and as I didn't quote them the following response has lost context - but I'll leave it here in case it answers another person's questions.]

I don't know that I'd call it OCD, but then I'm not quite sure what the difference is between OCD and an intense preference for something. I never thought they were one and the same.

To me, OCD is someone who washes their hands constantly, or who repeats actions beyond what is rational, for example always checking to see if the door is locked. Or having a very tight ritual when brushing their teeth that would cause them anxiety if they missed a step (not standing a certain way in front of the bathroom sink, for example), or obsessively counting things.

So no, I have not seen any of these tendencies in my SO. The only thing I've observed is an intense enjoyment of the CDing, the clothes, acquiring the clothes, etc, that comes in waves. The intensity for my SO was most pronounced between year 0 and year 5 of our relationship (while my SO went from being a closeted, occasional CDer to someone who expanded socially and began to go out, with the expanded wardrobe and perfected look this required). And then eventually things returned to an even keel.

When I was a teenager, I guess you could say that I was obsessed with skiing. I organized the ski trips for my high school and I skiied twice per week. I lived for skiing then, I just loved the skill and speed involved, and I used to be sorely disappointed if I missed a trip. It was like a drug to me, almost like smoking and going through withdrawal when there are no cigarettes. But, I never considered that I was OCD. I was fine in the summer when it was impossible to ski. And when I got older, moved, and began working, my life's reality was such that I could not ski twice per week any more and I was fine with that. My priorities had changed. My SO's priorities changed as well, once he experienced all the freedom he needed to experience in order to take it as far as he wanted to. And so now it tends to come in waves ... there's increased activity when the seasons change (winter to spring, and summer to fall), but the rest of the year there is reduced activity.

... so, just an intense desire, IMO, and not OCD.

Gabriella111

03-28-2017, 06:49 PM

Definitely a difference between obsessive compulsive behaviors and the disorder. It only becomes a disorder when it negatively impacts one's life. For my bf, I don't think it's a disorder. I mean, there's definitely a financial burden associated with the compulsion to constantly expand this collections of women's underclothes, and he's definitely got to have it all in a specific order, but it doesn't negatively impact his life enough to be considered disordered.

Paige Dehart

04-04-2017, 08:29 AM

I too have seen no real tendency toward obsessive compulsive behavior.
I can say that, upon occasion my so does get a bit obsessed about certain things and stays that way until the goal is reached. It all depends on the importance of the goal and it is not exclusively CD related.
For my part I do understand why your ex called it lazer-like focus, because when he does get obsessed, it can sometimes feel like that is all he is thinking and or talking about, even if it’s not. However, to be fair I get that way sometimes too, and honestly probably more often than he does.
In terms of CDing right now there is a very intense focus on perfecting her look with a view to going out publically for the first time. Reine is right intense desire not OCD.

Paige Dehart

04-08-2017, 10:38 AM

As for myself, I accept myself for who I am, so how could I do less for someone else. Crossdressing? I do not tolerate it I embrace it, She is him and He is her. The crossdressing doesn’t change who he is as a human being it is as much a part of who he is as an arm or leg. Cut out the crossdressing and he is no longer the whole person.
As for what some women find repugnant, immoral and intolerable each person is different. Their life experiences are different. I am a moral person that has strong sense of fair play and equality. I do not like name calling or harassment of any kind. While my mother taught me the womanly arts she also taught me love and acceptance, my father taught me manly skills, both of them taught me strength and to think for myself. Being a gg I have had my fair share of harassment and incidents.

Gabriella111

04-08-2017, 11:02 AM

I don't just tolerate it, I embrace it. I like that he crossdresses. I love that he's unique and living an authentic life. So many men I've dated, I don't feel like I ever really knew who they were. Deep down, I mean. With my bf, this is him. I see his fears and desires, his joys and sorrows. Part of it is that he's such an emotional person, part of it is that he's comfortable being open and honest with me. But ultimately, we spend our whole lives, most of us, trying to conform to what society demands. I like that he's taking a stand against that. He does it for him, but it benefits us all.

- - - Updated - - -

I do not tolerate it I embrace it
I didn't see your post until after I wrote mine. (We must have clicked reply around the same time.) But yea, this! My bf's last girlfriend tolerated it, so long as he didn't do it in public with her. I guess that's better than nothing, but I want him to be able to live his life entirely as he wants. And feel accepted. To be happy. He does everything he can to make me happy. This is a very easy thing for me to do for him.

04-08-2017, 10:12 PM

You're an accepting SO. How is this possible? How would you explain your ability to tolerate what many women find as repugnant, immoral and ultimately intolerable?
I think I have always have had an open mind and I encouraged Sher to be free. I would not want anything less for myself as well. Free to Be and loved for me.

greeneyes

04-09-2017, 11:01 AM

I think that everyone should be who they are, and I have had men treat me very poorly. My SO treats me good. CD'ing is just another form of the person I fell in love with. We did a bit of role playing prior to me knowing about Joni, and I kinda see this as just role playing. I like how happy she is dressed. The energy is positive and alluring. I have not found anything negative about it. I know some people in our lives would not approve, or get it, so she is not out, but as far as for us, it works.

Gabriella111

04-10-2017, 09:16 AM

Thanks so much for your replies! I'm a bit dense...so, is it how each of you is wired? Your outlook on equity, fairness, and self expression? How much does your SO's ability/willingness to express not only his own needs, but respond to and support your needs fit into acceptance?
It's probably a combination of factors. My personality type is ENFJ. I'm very accommodating and derive much of my pleasure from pleasing others. Him being so emotive and thoughtful, it feeds into mine. He expresses his happiness and pleasure so well, and that makes me happy. That he is so giving and thoughtful, it makes me more giving and thoughtful. A positive feedback cycle of love and support, really.

I've also been an ally to the LGBTQ+ community since I learned about it in my youth. I'm amazed and inspired by the progress that's been made in recent years, and so proud of people like him who have faced their fears and lived their lives openly, even if that meant some loss and pain for themselves. I'm proud of him, and proud to stand beside him.

Gabriella111

04-11-2017, 05:15 PM

In order to answer this question, it needs to be clarified. An MtF is a she, not a he. And their desire to transition isn't, in my understanding, one of simply admiring women.

Gabriella111

04-14-2017, 02:40 PM

Would depend on a number of factors. How long they've been together, when she found out and how, how familiar she is with CDing in general and with his specifically, whether he's communicative or not, the specifics of his CDing and desires, etc.

I don't think there's one-size-fits-all advice. I would have a lot of questions before I had any suggestions!

04-21-2017, 04:57 PM

Ok, another question: What would you suggest to a woman who is unaccepting of her partner's cross dressing?

If just starting out together I would say it is a part of them and if you can not accept then the relationship should end. ( I am speaking from being a partner of someone that it is a part of who they always have been) unless you can work out accepting but not being involved - a dadt.
For those that have been together many yrs and did not know that's tricky... For most the GGs I have met that found out later the trust has to be earned back ... Then realizing this is a part of them and figure out how to make it work between you both.

Have you met other GGs with CDing partners in RL?
Many
from here on the forum and couples at the T group I attend.

Gabriella111

04-22-2017, 09:14 AM

I have not me any others who are currently dating a CD, but one of my friends has previously dated a CD. He ultimately transitioned completely to live as a woman, which was one reason they broke up. He also had some other issues that became too much for her to handle. But she's fully supportive of my boyfriend.

Karen's Secret

04-22-2017, 06:23 PM

Question: I tend to constantly be battling my clothes and wonder if the same is true for GG's. For example, when I wear pantyhose or tights under my pants I frequently have to pull at them as they have a tendency to move down and the waist seam tends to roll over. Bra straps and camisole straps frequently need to be put back in place. Really it just seams I need to do a lot of adjusting throughout the day. Is this just a byproduct wearing clothes designed for women on a male body or do women have the same need to constantly be adjusting and resetting their clothing in place?

ReineD

04-23-2017, 01:04 AM

So, in meeting men, how high on the list of things you like/dislike and seek/avoid would cross dressing be on the list of things you want to know?

If I were single and dated someone new who told me about the crossdressing, my feelings about it would be rather neutral. It is not up to me to tell someone they can or cannot crossdress. If the crossdressing was important and I liked this new romantic prospect, then I'd be more than happy to be supportive.

BUT ... he would need to know how to keep his life in balance and this means that he would need an ability to appreciate all aspects of himself, girl and boy selves. I would not want to date someone who resented being in boy mode. By this I mean that if we were hanging out or going out in boy mode (for whatever reason), I would not like it if these experiences seemed colorless or boring to my partner. It's not fun to be with someone who cannot enjoy the moment. I also wouldn't want our relationship to be all about the crossdressing. On the other hand, if this new dating partner should not be a CDer but instead was a transwoman who was deeply unhappy presenting as a male, then we would likely be friends but not romantic partners. I am not nor have I ever been attracted to women.

Really it just seams I need to do a lot of adjusting throughout the day. Is this just a byproduct wearing clothes designed for women on a male body or do women have the same need to constantly be adjusting and resetting their clothing in place?

You adjust during the day because your items don't fit properly.

Pantyhose riding down? Get a larger pair of pantyhose, that are adequately long in the legs. If they are long enough, they won't ride down the way you describe. This will also take care of the rolling waist issue. Bra and cami straps falling off your shoulder? Sounds as if they are too loose. Tighten the bra straps and buy camis that have adjustable straps. Other potential issues ... if your skirt keeps riding up, it is too short and too tight. Get a longer, looser skirt or wear a slip. Shoes pinch too much? Get a larger or wider pair of shoes. Is there a gap (viewed from the back) between your top and pants/skirt when sitting down (i.e. does your lower back show)? Get a longer top that hits mid-hip or lower. Do you keep pulling down at your one piece bathing suit because it rides up too much? It is not long enough in the torso and you need a tall-girl's suit, or a two piece tankini with a long enough top.

I can't think of any more potential wardrobe malfunctions.

Gabriella111

04-25-2017, 06:27 PM

OK, here's a question: CDing males seem fairly rare...its difficult to guesstimate how many or what percentage of males fall in this group, and despite that...it seems like the 6 degrees of separation thing...we all know one (or are one). So, in meeting men, how high on the list of things you like/dislike and seek/avoid would cross dressing be on the list of things you want to know?
I expect I will marry my bf, but imagining we parted ways, I would definitely date another CDer, so it's something I would want to know for sure. But my feelings almost identically mirror Reine's. I would want there to be a balance, and if he was transitioning or had thoughts to, that would not be of romantic interest to me, as I too am attracted to men.

Question: I tend to constantly be battling my clothes and wonder if the same is true for GG's. For example, when I wear pantyhose or tights under my pants I frequently have to pull at them as they have a tendency to move down and the waist seam tends to roll over. Bra straps and camisole straps frequently need to be put back in place. Really it just seams I need to do a lot of adjusting throughout the day. Is this just a byproduct wearing clothes designed for women on a male body or do women have the same need to constantly be adjusting and resetting their clothing in place?

This happens to women, too. Having grown up and lived most of my life fairly poor, hand-me-downs along with thrift store and clearance purchases have often meant my clothes don't fit as well as I'd like. You can Superman pantyhose and tights by putting a pair of panties over them to help keep them in place. Using or adding clips to bras to make them racerback helps with slipping straps. Chapstick helps prevent blisters from ill-fitting shoes. Sometimes you just have to get creative!

Nikki1983

05-26-2017, 12:40 PM

Salina

05-31-2017, 06:23 PM

Hi wonderful GG's!! I have been seeing a therapist for a couple months and she's been wonderful. My wife wasn't happy at first but grudgingly accepts I go and she knows it's helped me become happier. The therapist has seen pics of my from my very first outing for a makeover and shopping while dressed at a mall. My wife knew about the outing before hand and was not happy about it at all. Her biggest fears are someone we know will see me and that I will like going out so much that this will become a full time thing (dressing). I believe her fears about me going full time have lessened, it's not feasible or something I want given my life circumstances.

Ok, so my questions are....

My wife wants details about what my therapist and I talk about in our sessions. Is she entitled to anything beyond generalities?

I asked my therapist if I could come to our next session dressed and she gave me the thumbs up. Should I tell my wife I'll be dressed for our next session? I think she'd get very upset over that.

I am tired of having the same circular discussion/arguement that basically goes like this...I know you want to dress as a woman full time...I don't and I love being a man AND a man who CD's....you're lying to yourself...I'm not and I love/want to be with you and our children (2 teenagers).....you get it. How can I get her to understand I am a part time CD who truly wants to be her husband/man while sometimes CD ing? I feel the best way is to live life the way I have for our 25+ years together (she knew before we married).

Sorry for being so long winded and thanks for any input and advice you can offer me!

06-01-2017, 04:51 PM

Salina
You asked
[My wife wants details about what my therapist and I talk about in our sessions. Is she entitled to anything beyond generalities?

As a wife I would want to know everything... That's me..... Maybe ask - tell your therapist this and see what she thinks you should say.
Also how bout have your wife go to a session with you.maybe ask your therapist about doing that at some point.
Me being devils advocate .... Not saying anything would worry me to death.
But not every relationship is the same.... I had past relationships where it felt like two ships passing in the night. They did their own thing and I did mine. Never again.... We went in to our relationship saying no secrets so my answer is coming from how I would react.
About going dressed ... I would not care but we life our life open and that would not bother me.
I really think you should like I said maybe have a joint session and her fears would prob go away then as her mind is prob thinking all kinds of things.
Best Wishes

P.S. Trying to think how another GG might react about you going to see the Therapist dressed without her knowing might be a big mistake with her already worrying about your sessions. I hope you can include her so she doesn't feel left out .
Anyways glad you are seeing someone .

Salina

06-01-2017, 07:50 PM

Thanks for responding Di! I have invited my wife to come with me, see someone on her own, or us going to couples counseling with a different therapist and she has to date declined all of those. I didn't mention I've come off a 6 year hiatus from dressing which was kind of like getting blindsided for her. I have shared some of what we talk about but not everything. On top of all this she's going through menopause which makes things more difficult for her. As far as telling her I'd like to go to a session dressed, my gut says I should, my mind says I shouldn't because I know she will be against it. Thanks again for your feedback and I truly admire yours and Sherlyn's wonderful relationship!

kimberly c

06-03-2017, 06:05 PM

A question, I have been a crossdresser for many years and ninety percent of the time I bring it into the bedroom. I like being the feminine one in bed with all the lingerie and really like being the woman. As a GG do you like your crossdressing partner to be submissive. I do take care of my wife but I have a very powerful need to feel like a total woman.

Kim

Gabriella111

06-04-2017, 10:28 AM

My wife wants details about what my therapist and I talk about in our sessions. Is she entitled to anything beyond generalities?
She's entitled to whatever you feel comfortable sharing and nothing more. You have offered to have her participate. If she wants to know what's being discussed, she needs to show up. And it would benefit you both if she would, because your conversations on the topic are circular because she's not listening to you and accepting your words. A therapist would call her on it in a way that she likely won't let you. And that's probably why she doesn't want to go.

Should I tell my wife I'll be dressed for our next session? I think she'd get very upset over that.
If you think she'll be upset, and she won't otherwise find out, what is the benefit of telling her?

(she knew before we married).
Have you reminded her of this?

- - - Updated - - -

As a GG do you like your crossdressing partner to be submissive.
Everyone is different in this regard. I can go either way. It all depends on the roles.

Sandra

06-04-2017, 10:44 AM

Salina

I would want to know everything. My situation is different as I went to all sessions with Nigella. My take is if you have nothing to hide then why not tell her? of course it would be a lot better if she did attend with you. I would tell her that you can go dressed to the next session, better coming from you than her finding out at a later date you went dressed and didn't say anything, at least then she can't turn round and say "you didn't tell me"

Salina

06-06-2017, 11:41 AM

Thank you Sandra and Gabriella for your responses. I have shared some of what we discuss and have invited her to come numerous times and she always declines. One thing my therapist suggested I tell my wife, after discussion on our relationship was to tell her " I am exactly where I want to be with you and our children". My wife's biggest fear is I'm going to leave her, our kids, my life to start over living full time dressed as a woman. Saying this made a big impact ( I meant it 100%) and she has lightened up a bit. Thanks again for your feedback!!

Nikki1983

06-07-2017, 10:53 PM

Kim-
I had trouble for a long time getting my husband to be more"manly" in bed. This was before I knew about his cd'ing. After I found out, it made me realize what I had missed all those years. Letting a man be more feminine in bed leads to some highly intoxicating and sensual love making in my experience. But yes, I also like to be dominant on occasion and let him be girly about it. It gives manu.options for roleplay and reaching new hieghts of intimacy.

Samantha uk

06-17-2017, 01:10 PM

Can I get you GG's opinion. Let me give you a bit of back story first. My SO and I are finally finding a place for my CD'ing, its been a long road with lots of tears but we seem to have made it work. It was a big shock for her when I told her 4 years ago. Normally my SO is a very liberal, supportive, loving partner and we are a very close couple with definite masculine and feminine identities in our relationship, because of this she had an extreme reaction to me coming out, she said if it was anyone else she would be absolutely fine with it. The irony of all that is that she was even more distressed at her own reaction and not being able to be the supportive partner she had always has been.

Anyway that brings us to today and our current arrangement is based on being honest about how we feel and me only doing it when shes not around. She says she is now absolutely fine about it and we do talk often but she has never expressed any interest in seeing me dressed which makes me wonder if she still finds the idea of it too difficult.

I don't want to suggest it because I am fine if she doesn't want see but I'm surprised she is not in the least bit curious. I would be interested in your perspective on this as a GG

06-18-2017, 09:18 PM

Anyway that brings us to today and our current arrangement is based on being honest about how we feel and me only doing it when shes not around. She says she is now absolutely fine about it and we do talk often but she has never expressed any interest in seeing me dressed which makes me wonder if she still finds the idea of it too difficult.

I don't want to suggest it because I am fine if she doesn't want see but I'm surprised she is not in the least bit curious. I would be interested in your perspective on this as a GG

Hi I think you are doing the exact right thing let her decide when and if she sees you dressed. Although in my case I met Sherlyn dressed and it's our life together - my pov is coming from hearing other GGs here and our local group that found out later in a relationship do not push it because when they are ready they will tell you. The way I understand it it's not that they are not curious but more that they have an image of you as their partner and do not want to lose that. If and when they sort that out in their mind and ready they will invite your girl side to meet her. Keep being patient and keep being open and honest that's everything in a relationship.

Samantha uk

06-19-2017, 11:42 AM

they have an image of you as their partner and do not want to lose that.

Ha thats exactly the stuff we talked about when I first told her. I like being her husband and if seeing me dressed changes who I am to her then I'd rather she didn't. I'll just have to see what happens
thanks
Di

ReineD

06-22-2017, 01:37 PM

My wife wants details about what my therapist and I talk about in our sessions. Is she entitled to anything beyond generalities?

As your wife, I'd say she is. No one else is. I would not want to be married to someone who kept important details from me.

I asked my therapist if I could come to our next session dressed and she gave me the thumbs up. Should I tell my wife I'll be dressed for our next session? I think she'd get very upset over that.

If your wife wants details, I'm guessing this means she also wants to know when you go out dressed. You will both need to learn how to deal with you doing things that upset her. Keeping your actions from her is not a way to resolve this, it just sweeps things under the carpet until they explode again.

I am tired of having the same circular discussion/arguement ....

Sometimes it does take lots of conversations before spouses can come to a meeting of the minds. At one point, my ex and I saw a marriage counselor for a year! We went because we could not have a meeting of the minds or any understanding of the issues that were causing problems in our relationship. We talked about them with a counselor for a year in all sorts of different ways. An entire year, 52 discussions!

Maybe your wife can come with you to see the counselor if only for the two of you to learn how to navigate the crossdressing peacefully in your relationship.

I have invited my wife to come with me, see someone on her own, or us going to couples counseling with a different therapist and she has to date declined all of those.

You'll need to impress upon her the importance of getting a third party involved in your conversations if you do not feel that your conversations are being resolved.

- - - Updated - - -

I don't want to suggest it because I am fine if she doesn't want see but I'm surprised she is not in the least bit curious. I would be interested in your perspective on this as a GG

Do you want to dress in front of your wife? Then you need to ask her if she'd be OK with that.

Do you feel that dressing in private without telling her is somehow going behind her back? Then you need to tell her how you feel and ask for her input.

Do you want to know why she is not curious? Ask her. :)

- - - Updated - - -

I have been a crossdresser for many years and ninety percent of the time I bring it into the bedroom. I like being the feminine one in bed with all the lingerie and really like being the woman. As a GG do you like your crossdressing partner to be submissive.

I don't look at it the same way you do. I'm a woman in bed, obviously, but I don't need to wear lingerie in order to feel sexy. I have worn lingerie on occasion to please my partners, but I didn't wear it to enhance my own arousal.

As to submission, I see myself as equals with my SO and this is reflected in the bedroom. Sex with my SO is an expression of our love for one another more than establishing who should be the Dom and who should be the Sub. We've used a variety of positions, so I cannot say that either one of us is consitently the top or bottom. I dare say that sexually active people (both men and women) also use a variety of positions, wome of which are so contorted as to make it impossible to determine which is the top or bottom! :D

I would not enjoy having a partner who needed to be submissive all the time (or who needed any other thing other than me all the time). Then it would feel as if he got more out of taking on a specific sexual role than he got out of just having sex with me. In other words, the sexual role would be the main event and not me.

I do take care of my wife but I have a very powerful need to feel like a total woman.

I'd like to point out that being a woman in bed has nothing to do with being submissive. In our day-to-day lives, we are not "submissive". We take charge of our careers, finances, etc - many of us are single and we take on all the tasks and responsibilities that men take on.

Sexual submission is a sexual role that both men and women can enjoy as a sexual fantasy. If you need to be submissive in order to enjoy sex or be able to perform, then I suggest that it is more of a fetish for you (like the people who live the BDSM lifestyles and who do not enjoy sex without a particular kink). There is nothing wrong with that, lots of people enjoy kinks and they are indeed fun, but submission in itself is not an expression of gender - not when modern women are no longer submissive beings who need to depend on men in order to survive, and who can't stand up for themselves, can't be in charge at work, etc.

So in a nutshell, it is important for sexual partners to be sexually compatible. If either a man or a woman needs to be a Sub all the time in order to maximize their enjoyment, they would be best matched with someone who needs to be a Dom all the time to maximize their own enjoyment. This way, they'd both enjoy sex 100% of the time. But, if both people absolutely needed to be the Sub (or the Dom), they'd need to take turns and they'd always be missing out 50% of the time.

Stephanie47

07-11-2017, 01:48 PM

A little background before my question. Before we were married during an intimate moment my wife blurted out and cried about instances of inappropriate "touching" by her step father. She stated it was as a teenager, although I have grown to have my doubts. After we were married we incorporated my love for nylon into our romantic evenings, not all the time, just some of the times. It only involved hosiery, garter belts and nylon nightgowns. When she became pregnant with our first child she again blurted out some material fact. This was no her first pregnancy. She only told me because it was a medical issue. First pregnancy are treated differently than the second or third, etc. I also found out from her she had her first marriage annulled. It sounded as if this was something done on the spur of the moment in an easy to get marriage state. I have no idea if this related to the pregnancy.

When my desire to wear more than fetish bedroom play developed, she did the freaking out when we had the "talk." What was really painful was her statement that she wished she had never told me her "secrets," so she could just walk away from our marriage. I never asked, nor did I ever care to peruse any of her secrets. She told me if I ever brought any of it up again (I did not bring it up to begin with) she would divorce me. Nor would I ever had used it as leverage to gain any sort of acceptance..period. Her secrets will go to the grave with us.

Question; No need to give more information than yes or no, but, are there are skeletons in your closet that your husbands do not know about? And, do they make his crossdressing more palatable than it would have been otherwise? My wife's secrets have had more of an impact on her and our marriage than cross dressing has ever had on me or our marriage.

ReineD

07-12-2017, 12:30 AM

Nope, absolutely no skeletons in either my closet or his. I could not be married to someone who kept secrets. Frankly, I don't understand couples that do.

Gabriella111

07-12-2017, 08:01 PM

I have no secrets. My BF and I are both extremely open people. I would be surprised if he had secrets he was keeping from me. Considering what he's told me, they'd have to be whoppers to top what I already know. That said, I like that he crossdresses, so secrets don't play a part in that.

Sandra

07-16-2017, 03:40 PM

Nope no skeletons here

Robertacd

07-24-2017, 05:13 PM

Okay new question. Referring to the "Not a Man Down There" thread.

How many GG's actually look at a man's "buldge"?

And if you do. What do you think about a man otherwise presenting as male, but wearing woman's jeans and tucking?

char GG

07-24-2017, 07:48 PM

No skeletons either.

RE: "the bulge". I don't look for it. If it's there, I don't notice.

@kimdl93 (going back a few months) I know a few CDers from my husband's support group. Obviously, everyone is different so this answer may not pertain to you, but it is annoying when CDers seem to want be noticed to the exclusion of anyone else around them (just as it would be with anyone in the general public who acts self centered). When some are dressed with their SO's, it seems that they cease being a "couple" and it becomes all about the CDer. They want to talk about themselves, what they are wearing, how many shoes & dresses that they have, how many pictures are taken, etc. So, if you are going out into the dating world, you may want to keep a check on the "give and take" of a relationship. It can't be all about one or the other person. Again, this is an observation of a tiny number of CDers; I am sure there are many CDers, who are considerate of their partner's feelings.

ReineD

07-25-2017, 12:43 AM

Robertacd - I don’t look for bulges either. I should think that most pants have enough fabric in the area to not be skin tight? Wouldn’t it be uncomfortable if there was no room to breathe down there? Although I do remember, way back when, seeing pics of the Rolling Stones or other rock stars in their tight pants with visible bulges - you couldn't help but notice then and I think these guys wanted to show off their wares to the fan base. lol

As to what I think about tucking … I’m under the impression there are two basic reasons for doing this. One, the person is transsexual and would prefer to not have their penis. In this case, I think she should tuck if she cannot have SRS.

Or two, the person has no desire to get rid of it but tucks because he enjoys wearing clothes that are tight down there (as opposed to wearing looser skirts which would not require any tucking). Not being a CDer, I can only surmise that wearing tight pants or dresses and tucking (while not wanting to get rid of it) is an activity that heightens feelings or has a "feel-good" factor to it. I would feel troubled if my SO tucked for those reasons. I would also feel troubled if my SO dressed in tight women’s clothing, which would indicate to me a desire to be admired by men. I’ve always gotten the impression that GGs who purposely wear tight clothing (like this (http://img1.izismile.com/img/img9/20170109/640/lookout_boyshere_come_the_babes_in_tight_dresses_6 40_01.jpg), as opposed to this (https://gloimg.dresslily.com/L/pdm-product-pic/Clothing/2016/07/12/source-img/20160712165023_85629.jpg)), do this to get guys excited.

07-25-2017, 07:41 PM

No skeletons

I do not look for bulges and if perhaps if I notice one ( someone wearing something really tight and it shows) I think ewwwwww .

As far as tucking I think you should do whatever makes you feel like you.

Robbiegirl

09-13-2017, 10:49 AM

Question about telling my sisters

I am the middle child between two sisters all of us just a year older. Growing up I was very short so even my younger sister was taller than me till I was 14. So the point is I could fit into all their fun clothes ! They of course know this since several times around 5-7 I was put into thier dresses by my mom and aunt as a punishment, which they love and still talk about. Well we are all close and they are fun and silly so they will have tons of questions. My question is how honest should i Be and how upset do you think they will be that their brother tried on lots of their cute clothes ?
Some of my favorites were there cute little tennis dresses with the ruffle butt panties they wore underneath, there babydoll nighties, and Easter and Party dresses . Didn't get into their panties much but did try on a bikini my sister had dared me to put on and i declined.

For me wearing their things was fun but how will they feel ?

Stumble

09-16-2017, 08:18 PM

If I were your sister my first reaction would be, "why bring this up now?" If it happened int the context of a long talk about your interest in dressing feminine, then reminiscences would be natural. Otherwise.. recall there are weird dudes who sniff their sisters' undies. I would want you to be sure all the siblings were feeling warm and happy with one another. I'm not sure the point of bringing in old memories where you may not have had their permission to be handling their cloths. Do you see my point?

It's not that what you enjoyed was wrong in the abstract, only that siblings often have many unresolved "issues" about boundaries, whether it had to do with gender matters or not.

ReineD

09-18-2017, 02:58 PM

Robbiegirl, I agree with Stumble's response. I've read a few of your latest posts and it strikes me that the CDing for you is a female clothing fetish. Sharing this with your family members might be TMI. Also, you frequently mention the notion that women dress men up in women's clothing for their own amusement. I think this is your fantasy more than the reality.

char GG

09-19-2017, 12:41 PM

Robbiegirl,
Why on earth are you considering telling your sisters this now? Are you looking for some type of reaction from them? Once you've opened that door, it can't be closed again.

krissy

10-01-2017, 04:19 PM

What about the cd who gets with his wife tells her. then she tries it with him and a girl friend her girlfriend then next day tells you she will try to work it out so we are both happy .then later says i cant stand it i know you do it but i dont want it around me.this is after 38 years and still no compromise the kids are gone and im older i want to dress more at home but she is here im in dadt relationship .i Love her with all my heart but i miss me

ReineD

10-01-2017, 05:05 PM

Krissy, it means that after 38 years of marriage, your wife tried to accommodate you but she found that she couldn't. She may have been able to be more flexible had she been younger, but this is sometimes difficult after having lived with you as a man and having had no idea of the CDing for nearly 40 years ...in a conservative state like Texas, nonetheless.

So your best bet is to negotiate with your wife. You both could establish times when she can make herself scarce so you can dress. Or, maybe you can dress and go out on a regular basis.

10-01-2017, 11:37 PM

Most likely she will not change her mind but maybe you can explain it to her like you did us and work out times or an area in your house you can be free to dress.
Another option join a cd support group ( not sure if any in your area) where you can go to monthly meetings and be with others.

char GG

10-03-2017, 08:26 PM

Hi Krissy,
Not exactly sure of the time frame you are talking about with your wife. Did the disinterest in your CDing happen over a period of years with her? Maybe she just got tired of accomodating the CDing. Maybe she doesn't really want to see you dressed as a woman at home. Personally, I don't mind seeing my husband dress to go out but for some reason, it irritates me to see him sitting around the house in a silky woman's robe. I have no explanation for my feelings. Was there something that prompted DADT? I agree with Reine and Di. Support groups are a good outlet or negotiating times to CD will work for both of you.

Alaina Ann

10-17-2017, 02:11 PM

My wife told me to get a Panty Girdle to wear to a party at the end of the month. I looked for one today and I guess they are called Shapers now. So in what order do I wear my panties, pantyhose, and shaper? Do I need to wear panties under my shaper? Thanks

ReineD

10-19-2017, 04:04 AM

Alaina Ann, this is what I do: I skip the panties when wearing hose. Most hose come with gussets anyway, and I wash my hose after each wear. If I were to wear a girdle, I'd wear the hose underneath ... otherwise, the extra stretching and fitting over the girdle might cause the hose to tear? If unsure you could ask your wife or the salesperson. I don't know many women who wear girdles any more ... or who wear hose for that matter.

ChubbyLeahCD

11-14-2017, 04:17 PM

OK question to the GGs:
When my wife and I started dating, she knew I dressed but at that time I believed it was a fetish and she was OK with it.
She got pregnant and I went down the shame spiral and tried to repress my femme self. The desires came back when my son was a baby but I was still ashamed so I would hit her side of the closet or some of the outfit I had in our backpack of fun. She caught me once talking to someone online and assumed I was a porn addict and lumped my dressing with it.
Truth be told, at the time, I thought the same.
Well, wrong and it all came back. I started counseling and slowly came out to my therapist. She encouraged me to dress for sessions, changing when I got there, and helped me realize that Leah is part of me and not just a fetish.
Then she helped me realize that I am bisexual and had repressed all that because of some abuse I suffered as a child and as a young adult. By then, I had been married for 10 years. (12 this year)
Through therapy I started shopping discretely for myself, being daring some but am still closeted.
Wife a couple of weeks back when we were talking about LGBT rights said she now understood why that’s my cause, because of my abuse and admitted that early on in our marriage wondered if I was gay or bi.
The outfits I wore when she knew are still in the same backpack, even though she had told me toss it all when the “addiction” came up.
So GGs, if you have an SO who came out to you, did you ever suspect and if you did, did you try to ignore the signs as to not open Pandora’s box?
Or do you think that her women’s intuition is already at work here?

Sorry I know it’s a long post but I had to give y’all the background.

Littleg2

11-21-2017, 04:43 PM

Leah,

I'm not sure if I'm the best one to answer, being still relatively new to this all (6+ months). I hope some of the GG's who are married and then had their spouse come out to them, or at least been in longer relationships with their cd'er, will chime in and answer your inquiry, but here are my thoughts;

It may be that you have subconsciously or consciously done things or left *hints* or *traces* throughout the years that your wife has picked up on, women's intuition, as you say. But it might be hard for her to face the truth of it all (Your Pandora's Box theory), she may not want to, given the little history you have posted here. I don't know.

Does she know about your therapy and your progression at all? If she asked you to throw out the things in the backpack and doesn't know that you didn't, that could be messy if and/or when she finds out. She may feel betrayed on some level, and subsequently overreact to all of it. It seems that's when some wives/girlfriends/SO's start laying down the ultimatums. They feel that things are out of their control and they need to gain some of that control back. And fast!

In my opinion, I think it would be best to come completely clean to her. Tell her as though you are coming out for the first time (obviously more than just the fetish side she does know about) and offer love, support, and understanding for her and what she might go through as she (hopefully) comes to terms with all of this.

If she's making comments, it's already running through her mind in some capacity. Our brains are wired to be more active then a mans, we think and rethink, analyse and over-analyse, to a point where it can become obsessive... consuming... damaging... and you wouldn't even know or see it coming.

I hope this helps, and I hope things work out for the best.

g

11-21-2017, 06:46 PM

I know I have woman's intuition about many things. So many be your wife does. Maybe since you seem to be hiding a lot of things she is picking up on it. I think you are saying she does Not know about the dressing at the therapist, shopping ect but only knew about your clothing stash when it was more a fetish for you- it starts out like that for many.
In my case
We met as Sher and Di so I knew from the beginning and are going through this journey together.
In my case ( I can only speak how I'd feel) I would be livid.Its like you have a complete hidden life without her.Can you not speak to your therapist on how to fix this- maybe bring your wife in on a session.

I agree with g you should tell her and explain it about it coming out when going to therapy.
But I am telling you this as I do not know her but how I would feel. For many GGs I know it's the hiding that is hard for them to get over.
Best Wishes

ReineD

11-24-2017, 02:15 AM

If you associate sexual fantasies with the crossdressing (else how would you be aware of your attraction to men ... unless you know that you are attracted to men also while in guy mode?), then I understand why your wife is reluctant to support you ... that is, if the crossdressing does nothing for her sexually. So if you do have something in your life that gives you sexual pleasure outside of your wife, no matter what it is, she might feel left out and not want to condone it.

On the other hand, if there are no associated sexual fantasies and you simply need to express femininity, just have a long talk with your wife and tell her the truth; tell her that you need to express a feminine self. Also, make sure that the clothing you choose to wear reflects this (no dressing up as if you are wanting to attract a man, if this is what you mean by "daring"). There are lots of ways to be feminine without needing to be "daring".

ChubbyLeahCD

12-04-2017, 03:22 PM

Thank you ladies.
She does know that I go to counseling but only knows it’s anout my struggles as a person, mindfulness, selfishness, etc.
I haven’t told her these things came up through counseling, so she’s clueless.
She does know I have a heart for the lgbtq cause and that as a tween and teen I did have a phase of confusion

Robertacd

01-12-2018, 09:43 AM

I know it has probably been asked before but in reference to this thread: Intimacy of Underwear (https://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?255365-Intimacy-of-Underwear), please tell us how GG's really feel.

ReineD

01-15-2018, 07:39 PM

No. GGs are not sexually aroused when getting new panties or any other type of new clothing.

Everybody likes new things, of course, but this goes for any new thing (household goods, things involving hobbies, etc), not just clothing. That type of "liking new things" is not arousal.

char GG

01-18-2018, 09:19 AM

They are just clothes, nothing to get excited about. Winter clothes, in particular, are function over fashion in the cold weather.

Robertacd

02-02-2018, 01:47 PM

In reference to the Favorite Complement thread.

How often do GG' s actually complement another GG that is total stranger on their outfit?

How many times have you ever been complemented on your look by another GG that was a total stranger?

Not counting store sales staff that are trying to make a sale.

I tend to think that while we all love to be complemented. But if a GG would go out of her way to point out how good of job you did. It is really a sign that you are not passig.

Sandra

02-05-2018, 10:36 AM

I can honestly say I've never complimented a total stranger be it GG or otherwise on their outfit, and I've never been complimented either.

ReineD

02-12-2018, 02:42 AM

I've lived on this planet for many decades. Many. lol

Throughout my life I can only think of a few times when I've asked another woman where she got something while expressing admiration (her purse, her coat, a top, etc), but that's only because I had already been looking for something similar. So all in all... maybe half a dozen times out of the tens of thousands of interactions I've had with women throughout my life.

I've been to a few black tie affairs, where people dress in a manner that we don't see in our daily lives. On those occasions, female friends can and do compliment one another (not strangers), but that just translates to "Oh my, don't you look good all dressed up and glam". lol. It's more about recognizing that they made an effort they don't normally make and they look way different than they normally do. Call it more a compliment on the effort they've made. Again, of all the thousands of evenings I've gone out with female friends or couples, this situation has only arisen less than half a dozen times.

Once a young woman was standing in front of me while we were waiting in line to order a latte. She had an exceptionally great head of hair. Long, thick, curly (not frizzy), in a honey blonde color that is rare and not fake. Truly beautiful, unlike anything I had ever seen. I told her she had great hair. But, compliments like this are reserved for the truly striking - things that stand out far above anything else (including all the gorgeous models we see every day in the media and in magazines), and not just a top I think is nice or a regular head of nice-ish hair.

If a GG points out how good you look and you're just dressed up for day-to-day stuff, chances are she is acknowledging your effort, which is still a nice thing to do. :)

Jasmine Rose

02-12-2018, 03:19 PM

At what point in a relationship is it the right time to tell someone that you enjoy crossdressing? I am asking this as an abstract question since I don't have a girlfriend right now. However once I do start dating again I don't want to hide this part of me if it is going to be something serious. If I get married someday, my wife to be should know what she is getting before she says yes to my proposal. The real question is, how much before?

ReineD

02-12-2018, 03:20 PM

As soon as it begins to get serious and you suspect that she returns the feelings you have for her. No need to tell if the relationship is nothing more than casual, you have no commitments, and you both feel that the relationship will go no further.

Robbiegirl

02-17-2018, 12:05 PM

Do you think women are way more aware of crossdressers and signs their guy might be one than they were 30 years ago ? I posted this story ( below) of what I did 30 years ago and was wondering if todays younger women would react any differently than back then and maybe be suspicious. Or are modern women more use to guys trying on their lingerie just for fun ?

was not sure when I was going to tell my live in Girlfriend of 2 months but one morning, she was doing what she always does. Which was blow drying her hair in one of her lacy bikini Bra and Panty sets (maidenform sweet nothings) while facing the mirror. I noticed she had several similiar Maidenform sets on the bed since she had just folded them. Since she is a bit curvy and I am skinny Her Babyblue lacy French Cut Panties & bra fit fairly well and I made sure to try and not look excited. Anyway I wrapped a towel around my head like she always did and I walked in wearing the same lingerie as her and asked with a limp wrist if I could borrow her drier. when she looked at the mirror and saw we were wearing matching sets she fell over laughing ! I could not get her to stop for several minutes ! Anyway when she came to her senses she started chasing me around the house with nail polish in her hands !

char GG

02-17-2018, 10:41 PM

Robbiegirl: This seems to be a very general question. Since every GG would probably react differently, the answer would vary depending on the person.

shellybme

05-02-2018, 11:11 AM

How many bras does a girl regularly own? I feel i have hit the qouta lol

05-03-2018, 08:32 AM

Shelly - we’ll my sister is practical and has two bras one white one black.
But I have a huge drawer full work bras ( practical comfort ones) pretty ones that are comfortable/ fun ones all colors nude,black, red ,leopard ect
So depends on you :)

shellybme

05-04-2018, 07:47 AM

Oh... then I’m ok. I have 5 bras in total. A nude, pink, hot pink racer back, a red lace, and a white T-shirt bra.

ReineD

05-09-2018, 09:28 PM

... was wondering if todays younger women would react any differently than back then and maybe be suspicious. Or are modern women more use to guys trying on their lingerie just for fun ?

I think there are more women today who are aware of the existence of crossdressers - everyone must be aware of Kaitlin Jenner for example. But, this doesn't mean they will all be supportive if their own SO crossdresses, even if they are open to other people doing it.

How many bras does a girl regularly own?

The answer to that is as varied as asking what ice cream flavor do people regularly prefer. :)

I'm rather utilitarian. I have 2 or 3, skin color. I replace them when they wear out. Good bras are expensive and I'd rather spend my money on other things.

Littleg2

05-10-2018, 04:44 PM

Oh... then I’m ok. I have 5 bras in total. A nude, pink, hot pink racer back, a red lace, and a white T-shirt bra.

Um, okay, I have lots. lol For work I have a green one, a black one, and two different pink ones; one flat pink, the other has a small pattern on it. Other than that, I have a whole drawer full! At least 3 black ones, a black and white lace one, a red and black lace one, two hot pink, purple, burgundy, blue... lol

I will count later and edit with an actual number. I love to match my bras with panties, and I have waaaaaaay more panties than each bra, so... Yes, good ones can be expensive, but if you are thrifty and want them, you wait for sales, join a rewards club (like LaSenza) and you go to outlet stores.

I have 23 bras.

Robbiegirl

05-12-2018, 04:03 PM

GGs are you so use to your S.O.s crossdressing that you probably wouldn't even notice if he was wearing a new Dress Or Lingerie ?

What about costumes or exotic outfits ? Is there anything that makes you roll your eyes anymore or does it all seem so normal.

Just trying to find out how use to his dressup do you get ?

Lastly do you like dress shopping with him ?

Thanks so very much. Your input is great and vital to us !

What would we do without Women !

char GG

05-13-2018, 01:14 PM

My SO is very vocal about his new clothes; so he would say "how do you like my new dress?". Besides, he has so many that I wouldn't be able to keep track of them all. He doesn't like to wear lingerie. His focus is on clothes he can go out in public wearing.

As far as exotic outfits, he likes to wear "wings" at public events like festivals and street fairs. He wears a frilly dress with wings and hopes people will take his picture. He was thrilled at a Lady Gaga concert where he wore a really cute short front, long back frilly skirt (no wings) and women flocked to get their picture taken with him. The other night we went to an adult prom where he wore a beautiful prom dress and was disappointed that no one there took his picture (all the ladies were in pretty prom dresses so he didn't stand out).

He isn't shy about dressing up so I am used to it. He also lets me know how far he intends to take the dressing so I'm not in the dark wondering where things stand.

Yes we shop together, not a really big deal. I buy for me, he buys for himself.

ReineD

05-13-2018, 06:21 PM

Robbiegirl, I don't notice my SO's new things. She has so much and I never know if it is new or something she hasn't worn in years. As to costumes or exotic outfits, they're OK for Halloween but it would be weird for me to see my SO wear them at other times. Dress shopping - this may seem odd, but my SO HATES to spend time shopping in brick and mortar stores for anything. Anything, including clothing. It's straight in, get what you need, and straight out. So I gave up shopping with my SO years ago. My SO shops for girl clothes on the computer.

05-13-2018, 09:48 PM

It was pretty much our regular life and Sherlyn had so much clothing ( a couple of dressers and a walk in closet full) I did not notice all the time something new . Costumes on halloween or when we did charity drag shows .....
But other than that reg womens clothing.She was free to be herself 24/7
Shopping yes we loved doing that together.
Hope I answered your questions.

Mimi

05-13-2018, 09:54 PM

I enjoy shopping with Eryn. We have somewhat different tastes, so she can enjoy trying on the clothes that go well with her body type and personality, and I can do the same for me. I notice if she has something new, generally because we shop together so I know what she's bought. She enjoys dressing like a typical woman for her age--a bit more professional at work, but comfortable/pretty at home or going out. She also enjoys dressing up for fancy occasions, but again, she is past the teen-age stage of exotic clothes, and enjoys wearing attractive clothing. I am completely used to it, as Eryn has been 24/7 for a couple of years now.

Robbiegirl

05-14-2018, 05:58 PM

Thanks so much Ladies ! Your responses here are always so well thought out .

Just wondering is your S.O the only man/boy u have ever had a relationship with or even close friendship with that you have seen put on frilly women's things ? Or were there others so you were a bit use to it ?

We all have been raised to believe its almost impossible to get a guy into Panties and Bras but we only have our own experiences to judge that . I was talked into modeling lingerie by several girlfriends but that may have to do with the fact that I am a very outgoing comical guy that is not big in stature or big in the male area. In other words there was no threat of lingerie being damaged. Oh and they of course did not know I was enjoying myself. I only made the mistake once of putting on the Bra myself quite easily and that did arouse suspicion and bring out some teasing questions

char GG

05-15-2018, 04:25 AM

My SO is the only CD that I have had a relationship with.

Robbiegirl

05-15-2018, 10:33 AM

Several of you mentioned that your Guy has lots of dresses so you don't really notice !

How many dresses are we talking about and is this more than you own and how many dresses is too many for a guy to Own ?

Also are these expensive dresses ?

Stephanie47

05-15-2018, 10:51 AM

WHAT IS THE REASON FOR DRESSING AS A WOMAN?

When my wife and I were first married I did not reveal some of my youthful activities of indulging myself in my mother's lingerie draw. I had thought that interest was way in the past. My wife was down right beautiful and sexy. I loved our Saturday trips to mid town Manhattan where we perused the lingerie sections of all the department stores. Many times we ended up buying her a slinky nightgown which she put to use right away. All this activity rekindled my love for nylon fabric which ended up being incorporated into "bedroom play." I think it was viewed as a "fetish." It took a number of years for my desires to expand from an occasional nightie to slips and finally a bra. That's when it "hit the fan." She could not understand "Why would a man wear a bra when he had nothing to stuff into it?" I'll remember her words until I die. It also rekindled the self loathing and feelings of disgust I always harbored when I did that in my youth.

I tried to explain my feelings to her, but, I know I sounded like an idiot. I used that line that was akin to saying "I wanted to express my feminine side." She shot back with "When you have a baby, you can tell me about expressing your femininity." I thought about it. Upon reflection I told her the truth. "I do not know why I do what I do!"

Has your husband ever expressed some reason why he needs to wear women's clothing? Not how it makes him feel, but, the "Why?"

05-15-2018, 01:04 PM

Robbiegirl I never counted them but it was not a hobby it was her life 3/4 the time. Some were expensive some were not . Just like my wardrobe.

Stephanie because it was who she was. With her ex she was not able to understand that it was not a fetish. With me she was free to be and she blossomed. Don’t feel shame there is nothing wrong with what you are doing.

char GG

05-15-2018, 07:18 PM

Robbiegirl:
My SO has a dedicated bedroom for his dresses, skirts, jackets, blouses, and one pair of girl jeans with bling on the back pocket. He isn't into lingerie so has a small drawer of underwear. My guess would be he has over a 100 outfits, probably 10 wigs, and he has a collection of hats. I don't even want to think about the number of shoes. Most of his clothes have been from Goodwill and thrift stores. He probably pays an average of $5 to $10 for a clothing item (sometimes less). When he gets rid of anything, he usually resells it at a local resale shop. Sometimes he makes more money for the clothes he sells than what he originally paid for them. The most expensive thing he owns is one wig which he calls a "cool weather wig".

I have a lot of clothes but not as many has he does.

- - - Updated - - -

Stephanie:
My SO sometimes expresses reasons why he likes to wear women's clothes but the reasons are like moving targets, they change from time to time.

Ronnie38

05-18-2018, 12:19 AM

My wife has been very very supportive of me these past 10 or so years. She is a loving stepmother to my (our) two sons. She has put up with my ex wifes nastyness. And, although she gets nothing from it, she puts up with, encourages, and supports me as a cross dresser. Even to the point of stepping out of her own comfort zones just to make me happy. Her birthday is coming up in a week and i realy wanted to show her how much i appriciate everything about her. So to the ggs, what are some of your oppinions and ideas? I dont have a lot of money but have a plan for dinner and a movie. Thinking of wearing my best suit for the occassion. As a gg, please give me some advice. I realy want her to feel appriciated.

char GG

05-18-2018, 05:25 AM

Ronnie: Your plan already sounds wonderful and well thought out. Sounds like you both are winners. Happy birthday to your wife.

Robbiegirl

05-27-2018, 11:14 AM

I adore Women, always have, always will. Grew up with loving sisters. I still just don't understand them and I know they all are different.

What i don't understand is why so many of them don't wear the fun, comfy, feminine nighties they look so pretty in and that society lets them wear.

Now I must admit I really will never understand what a women means when she says something makes her feel "FEMININE" What I do know though is the Nightie I posted below

Makes a guy look and feel entirely Unmanly, Silly, and weak which is kind of what I think is maybe feeling Feminine means.

So ladies if this nightie arrived at your house would it be hard to resist and be modeled pretty quickly ? If not why Not ? How do you think your Guy would react to seeing you holding up the nightie ?

292244

char GG

05-27-2018, 11:57 AM

No! I had some like that a long time ago and my husband hated them.. He said they made me look like a fairy.

05-29-2018, 03:38 AM

[QUOTE=Robbiegirl;4244984]

What i don't understand is why so many of them don't wear the fun, comfy, feminine nighties they look so pretty in and that society lets them wear.
( my answer)Everyone has the right to wear what they want / just because you think the gowns like below are wonderful .... wear them/ your sisters ect should wear what they like. I personally see the gown you posted as not my cups tea / to me it’s ugly and old fashioned but if you like it wear it. But doesn’t everyone have the right to wear what they like?

You -Now I must admit I really will never understand what a women means when she says something makes her feel "FEMININE" What I do know though is the Nightie I posted below
Makes a guy look and feel entirely Unmanly, Silly, and weak which is kind of what I think is maybe feeling Fem.
my answer -To me being feminine is being strong.

(My answer)Femininity isn’t something that you can put on the outside. It comes from within! And wearing certain dresses, high heels or nightgowns doesn’t MAKE you feminine, that would be like suggesting that putting on scrubs and a surgeon’s mask makes you a surgeon.But can bring those fem feeling out.

You-So ladies if this nightie arrived at your house would it be hard to resist and be modeled pretty quickly ? If not why Not ?
( my answer) I think it’s old fashioned and ugly and not me.
Again everyone has the right to like and wear what they like including you.

ReineD

05-29-2018, 05:38 PM

Ronnie, sounds like a good plan.

Robbiegirl, women (who are feminine by virtue of being women), are NOT silly or weak by any stretch of the imagination. This is just a dated stereotype. Why do they not want to wear frilly lingerie? There are lots of ways to be feminine. Frills or no frills are just fashion choices. I prefer the streamlined, elegant look myself. I do not find the yellow nightie appealing.

confused_cathreen

06-05-2018, 06:15 AM

Robbie, as a GG, feminine is a state of mind not dependent on clothes. A GG can feel extremely feminine in a tshirt and jeans. The reason I don't wear frills is because its not my taste and also nighties of any kind roll around my body and make me feel suffocated as I move a lot in my sleep. I get no pleasure out of the material so why should I put myself through it? Loungewear all the way for this girl...

Gabriella111

06-06-2018, 09:45 AM

Makes a guy look and feel entirely Unmanly, Silly, and weak which is kind of what I think is maybe feeling Feminine means.

Women carry and birth life. Unmanly? Yes. Silly and weak? Explain. That idea is what societies base their devaluation of women on: That we are somehow the "weaker sex". I feel feminine when I do or wear something the accentuates my form and brings out my natural beauty. I don't wear nighties for the same reason as Cathreen. I'm a restless sleeper and don't like material bunching up around me during the night.

I do have a couple simple babydoll dresses that I wear around my house in warm weather because they're cheap and comfortable. But that particular one you've posted a pic of looks too babydoll for me. I like the cut of babydoll dresses, but when the style starts looking like a little girl's dress with lace and flowers and trim, that isn't my style. I don't like wearing dresses that have the design of little girls' dresses. That isn't the femininity I go for.

Littleg2

06-11-2018, 04:09 PM

Robbiegirl,

I am only responding to your last thread regarding the baby-doll dress/nightgown here.

Yes, I do wear things that make me feel MORE feminine than others. I do FEEL more feminine in certain female attire. I honestly have a hard time relating to those that don't, but as has been pointed out, we are all different, and that is perfectly okay. Clothes do not ultimately change who I am, but they can be a costume of sorts. Like the doctor example; yes, putting these things on does not make you a doctor, but it can make you FEEL like a doctor. If that was not the case, then I need someone to explain Halloween, costume parties and masquerade balls to me... We are affected by what we put on our bodies, I believe this. A great pair of heels can make you walk with more confidence, wearing beautiful makeup can make you feel a little more pretty, a lovely silk dress can do wonders for a ladies confidence (even think of a Wedding dress! If clothing didn't matter, especially on a wedding day, then why would women bother with all the frills, lace, trains, veils, etc.?)... there are articles about this everywhere!

To simply explain it for me; when I was in the midst of suffering from clinical depression, I would have to travel by bus to our downtown area to see my therapist. When I first started going I wore "dowdy" clothing. Oversized sweaters or hoodies, ill fitting pants, baggy, bland colored t-shirts, runners, things like this. As my therapy progressed, my confidence increased, and my therapist noted to me one day the transformation in my clothing. A simple thing, but I had started dressing better, wearing nice jeans or pants, blouses or pretty tops, dress shoes (that I am more common to wear over runners about 98% of the time). He noticed a difference, and I FELT a difference. I felt better, I wanted to look better, I wanted to present to the world someone who cared about themselves and I wanted to feel that way. Feel like a pretty, strong, amazing woman again- Someone who I felt had been taken from me, by the world and it's demands, by my job and by my husband at the time.

Clothing, at least for me, does make a difference. I feel much more feminine (not at all "Unmanly, Silly, and weak") when I am wearing a dress and a pair of heels, or a tight fitting pair of jeans, a blouse and boots than I do in dowdy clothing, there is no denying that.

Now... and I have to chuckle here... I would probably not wear your lovely little frilly, yellow, lacy number posted above. Not that I think there is something wrong with that, but I much prefer a merrywidow with garter straps, stockings and heels. I would feel sexy and feminine in my outfit, I would feel slightly foolish in yours.

What I think, and again, this is only my opinion, is that men who dress as women, and there are all kinds, enjoy different aspects and styles of clothing, and that is perfectly okay. Some, perhaps like yourself, grew up with this idea (a generational thing) that femininity meant flowing gowns and nighties, perhaps with matching robes and slippers that were more like short heels with feathers on them. That is my picture of a lady from the '50's or '60's, when men (real manly men) wanted to be in charge and dominating and have their wives look younger, more youthful, and so that was how women dressed. But, as there are different types of women, with different ideas of femininity, there are just as many men with different ideas of femininity and also masculinity. You can't pigeonhole anyone, but you seem to struggle to understand they "Why?"'s, and that's okay, too.

I hope I didn't confuse you even more.

-g

Alyssa Lane

06-18-2018, 10:39 AM

Here is the question, why do some love to wear dresses, while others might stick to shorts and a Tshirt. I know sometimes working isn’t always easy in a dress or wanting to do something that might be messy, it all comes down to function. I wouldn’t work on a car in a dress or skirt.
But do some of you like to wear a dress on a day to day errand trip? Going to work at the office or wherever you might work, unless its a mine or somewhere there is a specific uniform. I just don’t always see them now as much, as years ago, maybe times have changed with more women in the workforce like my car manufacturer I work at.

confused_cathreen

06-19-2018, 05:13 AM

Simple question and the answer is equally as simple: comfort. With a dress you always have to worry about hemline going higher than it should, cross your legs when you sit and can't bend over or do anything that requires you to be physically active ( gym is a good example, obviously). Dresses have a time and a place. Appropriateness of attire is drilled into most GGs as we were growing up, add to that that dresses were reserved for special occasions and not for when I was running around with the neighborhood kids playing and cycling, and you got your answer. Going to the supermarket in my 50s dresses will certainly earn me a few curious looks :)

06-19-2018, 09:06 AM

Appropriateness of attire is drilled into most GGs as we were growing up, add to that that dresses were reserved for special occasions and not for when I was running around with the neighborhood kids playing and cycling, and you got your answer. Going to the supermarket in my 50s dresses will certainly earn me a few curious looks :)
That reminded me of my childhood you had to change right away to play clothes.
When I worked as an Optician I wore suits ( skirts and matching jackets ) . I have a sister that NEVER wears a dress ever / that’s just her style . My twin daughters one wears dresses and skirts most the time or shorts. Her twin rarely wears a skirt or dress prefers dress pants and a pretty top or jacket or cute jeans AND I love Gypsy skirts ( not in style prob but do not care) blue jean skirts maxi dresses but also wear cute jeans and cute leggings with tunic tops.
I agree there is a time and place and some chores would look out of place wearing a skirt ( working on a car ect) but for the most part wear what you like / but if you don’t want to stand out and you are out and about dress to blend . Club wear sure at the club but not running errands ect - even a Gg would get a double look .
Your not seeing them as much prob means styles change and different areas prob reflects different styles.

Roberta Lynn

06-28-2018, 10:16 AM

Not my fathers closet

Would you want to know if your father is a crossdresser? What if you found out after his death?

Do you wish he had shared that part of himself with you?

The fact that you are reading this shows that you are more aware of and have more knowledge about this community than most people.
How do you think you would feel if you didn’t have this awareness?

Roberta

char GG

06-28-2018, 08:34 PM

No, I don’t think I would want to know. My dad was a Captain in the Army, a spotter pilot during the war, and received the Silver Star. If he would have CDed, he would have never told. If I found out after his death, I would have thought he was a sly old fox!

06-28-2018, 09:37 PM

My father was very black and white about things so I really can’t imagine it for him.But I’m open minded and I’d support anyone and hope anyone close to me would feel safe telling me and if I found out after they passed I’d feel sad if someone close to me felt they had to hid it.

ReineD

07-09-2018, 02:16 PM

But do some of you like to wear a dress on a day to day errand trip?

I always wear clothing suitable for the occasion. A wedding? I wear a dress. A funeral? I wear dark colors, whether dress, skirt or slacks. At work? Skirt or pants as the mood and/or weather requires. Going grocery shopping and other errands? Blue jeans.

We live in a small town. No one dresses up for anything, ever, and I don't like to be more dressed up than others. I don't like calling attention to myself. My SO and I often go out to dinner and everyone else there is in very casual attire, as am I. I just got back from a visit to a major city and went out for dinner with two female friends, to a touristy-type spot along the waterfront with a boardwalk and lots of restaurants. It was 95 degrees out and we all wore the least amount of clothing possible: capris and a light top. The only ones wearing sun dresses were girls in their 20s out with their boyfriends. lol

Would you want to know if your father is a crossdresser?

Yes I would. We could then have a discussion about it. If I found out after he died, I would assume it was a sexual for him and therefore private.

rosetyler

09-13-2018, 01:41 AM

Would you want to know if your father is a crossdresser?This doesn't even compute in my head cause he is hardcore religious and I haven't talked to him in almost 2 yrs cause he's a hater of all kinds of diversity.

What if you found out after his death? After hearing the garbage he's said about nonstandard orientations and gender identity/expression, I would be absolutely FLOORED.

Do you wish he had shared that part of himself with you? I wouldn't care either way most likely.

The fact that you are reading this shows that you are more aware of and have more knowledge about this community than most people.
How do you think you would feel if you didn’t have this awareness?The same way I felt 10 yrs ago when someone came out to past sheltered highly religious me-pretty disgusted and weirded out.

Kelly DeWinter

09-20-2018, 10:03 PM

I love this thread, but have avoided posting, because most of my questions are just plain silly. However after reading a couple of other threads, I might have a couple of sensible questions such as:

.The first time you EVER heard about a cross-dresser what were your thoughts.
.The first time your SO/Spouse/BF revealed they were a cross-dresser was there an observable difference in them or was it more that your thoughts changed about how your perceived them ?
.Over time were there changes in your relationship based on perception or based on actual observable changes ?
.Did you notice things about your SO/Spouse/BF that were always there, but now had a new context ?

Thanks in advance.

char GG

09-21-2018, 10:45 AM

Hi Kelly,

My husband didn't start CDing until he was in his 60's after a bout with prostate cancer and subsequent surgery. A year later, he saw a picture of a CDer and said he wanted to try that. So I knew from the beginning that he was going to try CDing. I thought it was a one time thing, just for fun.

Other than comedies on TV, I didn't realize that men actually enjoyed dressing in women's clothes. I found out later, that many women, at least my age, don't know that is a "thing".

The first time I saw him dressed was the result from a transformation place, he looked pretty strange. He had a horrible wig from the "makeover" place that made him look like an old Bozo with curly hair. The makeup was over the top, complete with the horrible blue eye shadow. I should say that his presentation is 100% better since then.

We have been married a very long time and there were actual real changes in his personality which I have documented because at the time, I thought he had a brain tumor, dementia, or something. These were not "perceived" changes but real changes such as he stopped most of the hobbies that used to be important to him, dropped many friends, doesn't like it if someone disagrees with him, and became pretty reclusive. These changes may have begun regardless of the CDing but at the time, I blamed them on the CDing.

The challenges we faced were not easy. Probably most of the same feelings that women have after finding out about CDing after marriage. We both care very much about each other so we were able to make it work but it took a lot of communication, tears, and trying. I was one of the GG's who came to this forum for answers.

Maybe these are not the answers you a looking for because most CDers began their interest in women's clothes sometime in their childhood. Our story is a bit different.

kimdl93

09-21-2018, 11:08 AM

Kelly DeWinter

09-21-2018, 06:49 PM

At times I can be a fairly deep thinker regarding the human condition. I'm not looking for specific answers, but am interested in the experiences and expectations from before the revelation and after the revelation.

My relationship with Jeannie is different from most as she has known about and seen me (Kelly) on a regular basis, pronouns and even Names are very interchangeable. Even in our conversation,gift giving and where we go is very fluid. So in that sense we have no concept of expectations before and after.

I see and read about the struggles of others hear and among my friends and for good or bad think that hearing about GG perceptions before and after are valuable.

confused_cathreen

09-23-2018, 05:40 AM

.The first time you EVER heard about a cross-dresser what were your thoughts.
*I was loosely aware that there are transvestites (the word used predominantly to describe men wearing female clothing outside of the house, at least that was my understanding) in the world around me but never gave much thought on the subject, a live-and-let-live attitude I guess.
.The first time your SO/Spouse/BF revealed they were a cross-dresser was there an observable difference in them or was it more that your thoughts changed about how your perceived them ?
*Unfortunately, my partner decided to approach the information that he is one by appearing in front of me fully dressed, minus wig and make-up. No change in behaviour and I was in shock so mind stopped recording the incident to protect itself, so haven't got any insightful observations from that day. Even more unfortunately though, the image managed to get recorded and despite my best efforts, it's still quite vivid in my mind. My perception of him has changed forever I fear, and I noticed that I got flashbacks during the most inconvenient of times, i.e during private moments. Seems like my preferences are so strongly hetero that in order to overcome this, my brain decided to bring in mind much more sexually exciting images in the form of other men. I know that this might be tmi but I feel it's important to underline women can be equally as visually stimulated as men, or even more than you might think. Bearing in mind I never had any trouble in being totally in the moment before and always making love to him with my mind as well as my body, I thought it spoke volumes about how important the way we perceive our partners is to a healthy relationship.
.Over time were there changes in your relationship based on perception or based on actual observable changes ?
*See comment above. Sexual behaviour changes, definitely. Now, it has only been 4 months. So I can't say what will happen if I am never exposed to the same image again, I might be able to press delete on that picture, although I have been furiously smashing that button since then and I am afraid it's broken :( Behavioural changes though, none that I have observed.
.Did you notice things about your SO/Spouse/BF that were always there, but now had a new context ?
*God, yes! Things that he has said or done through the years that I now know were because he is a CDer! I would like to say though that none I would miss or even notice were gone if he was to "not be a CDer any more". Don't think I don't know this will never happen though, he is who he is. As I also am who I am. By the way, to those of you reading this and thinking of telling your gfs/wives: women can be just as unobservant of "clues" as men. Sometimes, even more so than men. So do not assume that because you told her you like wearing female underwear rarely for kink reasons, she will make the jump to "oh, he is a cross-dresser". As I have explained to my boyfriend, that's like her saying that Brad Pitt is handsome means she is into polyamorous relationships. And therefore, you shouldn't be surprised if you one day come home and find her in bed with someone else. You MUST be explicit in what EXACTLY you are, if you want to have any chance in her ever understanding it.
Sorry for the long reply, the "joys" of being a woman :)

- - - Updated - - -

[QUOTE=kimdl93;4283134]I have a GG friend who has been aware of my CDing now for a couple of months. (For the record, this is a friendship, nothing more). She is supportive and encouraging, would like to join me on a GNO and introduce this aspect of me to someof her colleagues. At the same time, she remains full of questions, the most difficult being ‘why?’. We have discussed a variety of the prevailing hypotheses, but as we all know, there’s more conjecture than evidence at hand. Why was one of the questions that dogged my ex.

How important is understanding “why?” to you? And why?

I thought I would hit two birds with one stone and try to answer your question as well, Kim. The "why" is important because human nature is a strange thing. We fear what we don't understand and our minds can make all sorts of assumptions if we don't get a clear reason for why our partners get such a big kick out of something we consider at best trivial and at worse outright silly and offensive to our femininity. We might think he is not getting sexual stimulation from us any more (cue a hit to our self-esteem) or he is trying to improve our sex life as it's not fullfilling him anymore (cue another hit). If we don't get an honest appraisal of what's going on in his head, we will start re-assessing our role in this relationship and whether we should really even attempt to decipher this riddle if he hasn't made the effort first himself. We expect you to know why you do it because at the end of the day, this is your issue and you expect us to understand and accept it hoping it won't morph into something completely unmanageable in the future. If we don't know the why, we will fill in the gaps with whatever half-truths and urban legends and trust me, you won't like the result. It is the only way to have any chance of controlling the outcome. If you let us come up with the why's ourselves, we might come up with something that won't reflect the reality of who you are. And make decisions you won't like. Because when most women reach a decision, it will be too late for you to try to change it by deciding to explain the unexplainable.
Always give her the truth. Not what you think she can handle, this is not up to you to decide. Give her the background story, the blueprint to your evolution to what you are today. That is enough of a why.

char GG

09-23-2018, 11:08 AM

Hi Kim,
In my case, I lived a long time with a man who wasn't a CDer. When he began CDing, it was very important for me to know what happened, "why??".

I really don't think he knows why. He gives me different answers than he gives other people. Personally, I think he likes the attention he gets when CDed (because he only wants to go out, never CDes at home) but that doesn't answer the "why" he started in the first place. I may never really know for sure.

We have a lot of history together. We both want to stay married and make it work.

09-24-2018, 02:55 AM

I have a GG friend who has been aware of my CDing now for a couple of months. (For the record, this is a friendship, nothing more). She is supportive and encouraging, would like to join me on a GNO and introduce this aspect of me to someof her colleagues. At the same time, she remains full of questions, the most difficult being ‘why?’. We have discussed a variety of the prevailing hypotheses, but as we all know, there’s more conjecture than evidence at hand. Why was one of the questions that dogged my ex.

How important is understanding “why?” to you? And why?

I did not need to know WHY. But I read here and even many cders do not exactly know why and question it themselves. I would maybe tell her that.
To me ....I understand why Char GG asked why when it went to a complete change in her hubby.
But in Shers ( and many I think ) it’s just part of who they are and pretty much how they always were.
Not a big deal , nothing wrong just part of who they are.

At times I can be a fairly deep thinker regarding the human condition. I'm not looking for specific answers, but am interested in the experiences and expectations from before the revelation and after the revelation.
I see and read about the struggles of others hear and among my friends and for good or bad think that hearing about GG perceptions before and after are valuable.
We talked about how Sher had to hid it her entire life and my expectation was and goal was for her to experience everything I could think of that she ever dreamed of out in the open. We started out ticking things off grocery shopping, going to dinner , preforming as a GG ( Sher was a musician) getting married in a wedding dress( we had two ceremonies) and on and on to ticking off everything . Then after- it just was our life and she mostly dressed the entire weekend ( her choice wanted to keep work separate) So basically it broke my heart how her kids and ex treated her and I wanted to make everything she ever wished for happen and later it just was our life and better than I ever imagined .
So my my experience is different but that’s my revelation and after.

ReineD

09-26-2018, 07:39 PM

The first time you EVER heard about a cross-dresser what were your thoughts.
I first became aware there were such people as a young woman. Having not encountered anything like this before, I thought the behavior strange. It certainly was statistically rare. Also I came of age in an era that portrayed such behavior negatively and this also influenced my early reactions, although I did not condemn people for behaving differently than I did or than what I knew.

The first time your SO/Spouse/BF revealed they were a cross-dresser was there an observable difference in them or was it more that your thoughts changed about how your perceived them ?
I met a woman whose husband was a CDer and I observed they had a happy marriage. I then began to believe that the CDing is only one aspect of a multi-faceted person, and a person’s worth should not be judged on just one part of who they are. By the time I met my SO, even though I was taken aback when told and feared this meant he might prefer men, I was willing to move ahead with our relationship to see where it would lead.

Over time were there changes in your relationship based on perception or based on actual observable changes ?
Our relationship almost ended at one point when I perceived that I came second to my SO’s CDing. Eventually it sorted itself out. I have never observed fundamental changes in my SO due to the CDing, other than the fact that at one point, he seemed to enjoy it more than any other activity.

Did you notice things about your SO/Spouse/BF that were always there, but now had a new context ?
No. In my eyes, my SO has always been the same fundamental self - a man who enjoys expressing femininity on occasion.

How important is understanding “why?” to you? And why?
Very important. I’m more likely to accept stuff if I understand the reason for it. For example, if I understood why someone behaved poorly toward me (they were emotional due to the loss of a loved one, vs they are habitually self-centered and selfish), it would affect my ability to have compassion for this person.

stephenie3756

09-28-2018, 07:15 PM

Question - often I see a woman wearing a beautiful pair of heels or a awesome dress that I would love to know where she purchased it and/or tell her that her heels/dress are beautiful. How, in this day and age, can I, has a man, ask her the question or tell her she look great without getting accused of something or seen as a wierdo? The crossdresser in me is dying to know where she purchased such items since I would love to add it to my fashio connection - I am married by the way and wear a wedding ring. And I am not trying to pick up the woman...just ask a question or give the compliment. Thanks in advance

char GG

09-28-2018, 07:44 PM

Stephanie,

If your wife is with you, she may be willing to ask for you. I think a strange man asking a GG where she got her dress and/or heels would feel creepy.

Maybe the other GG’s will weigh in with some suggestions.

09-28-2018, 09:23 PM

Stephenie,
Maybe just say .....Hope you don’t think this strange ....but I think your dress is lovely and my wife may like it could you tell me where you purchased it.
Or if your wife is with you have her ask as Char suggested.

stephenie3756

09-30-2018, 04:47 PM

Di - Thanks for the suggestion - My wife would slap me silly if I asked another woman that question with her with me...But your suggestion of how to approach a woman without my wife present would work. I'm in a DADT relationship...I used to be able to be out in the open with my wife, but not these days. Again, thank you for the excellent suggestion...

ReineD

10-05-2018, 01:29 PM

Stephenie, I wouldn't ask a strange woman where she got her dress or shoes. Not in the current climate. Especially not in PA. The issue of men hitting on women is particularly sensitive right now.

I've had wonderful luck with google. Just describe the items and do an image search. You may not find the exact ones, but you'll come close.

Lydianne

10-09-2018, 12:24 AM

Greetings, all!

I was reading a thread recently, and I saw several usages of a phrase to label women who make a particular decision :raisedeyebrow:. The decision and the label are not directly connected. I would not have made the connection without having read that thread. I still wouldn't, but I'm now aware of it. Regardless, the connection seems to be made widely.

So I was wondering whether there are any subtle things with spurious connections that men do that would universally crash their stock among a multitude of women who have never conferred with each other :haha:. I'm not talking about putting on a dress or anything like that because that's obvious :o. I mean indistinct stuff like a 3-series BMW, for example ;) . . .

Regards,
- Lydianne.

char GG

10-10-2018, 03:26 PM

Hi Lydianne,
I’m not exactly sure what you are asking. So, I’ll give it a try here. I can’t stand self-centered, pompous, “look at me”, type jerks. However, I deplore those traits in both men AND women. (I do like a nice sports car, but I bought one for myself.)

Edit: Lydianne kindly PM’ed me with clarification of the question. My new answer is the mullet haircut (short in front, long in back). Some ladies think it makes a man seem uneducated even though that is most likely not true.

10-12-2018, 09:44 AM

Lydianne, I had to think on this a bit. And say lol back in the day I thought they had to have long hair or I would not even consider going out. ( yeah hippychick)
But now nothing like any of that looks, clothes or cars ect.
Just
Do I come first?
Do they listen?
Sense of humor
Are they controlling?
Do we laugh together?
Things like that .

Lydianne

10-12-2018, 10:49 AM

Thank you both for your responses! :). Either men get away lightly, or women are not so quick to draw dubious conclusions from the superficial.

Visit the barber, pomp in check, put the lady first, and always listen! Check :thumbsup:.

With all that in mind, I am heading out tonight! :GD:.
Mothers, lock up your daughters! :we:

https://airconditioner.webs.com/images/Miscellaneous/going_out.jpg

...Thoughts? :winkp:.

- Lydianne.

ReineD

10-21-2018, 02:47 PM

any subtle things with spurious connections that men do that would universally crash their stock among a multitude of women who have never conferred with each other

Effeminate affectations or mannerisms springs to mind.

Kelly DeWinter

10-21-2018, 03:07 PM

What are three things a GG are sure we get wrong about women ?

ReineD

10-21-2018, 03:55 PM

"We" as in men in general, or as in members of this forum?

ReineD

10-23-2018, 02:27 PM

OK, members of this forum. I've read so many erroneous assumptions about GGs here over the years, and I don't know which ones apply to how you personally think. So I'll just mention those I remember, keeping in mind that I don't participate here much and I've forgotten a lot of it. These are in no particular order:

1. Women get a thrill out of their sexy clothes when they wear them, like CDers.
2. CDers are more feminine than many women if the CDer wears makeup, skirts, shows cleavage, etc.
3. Women feel jealous when they encounter a CDer who is skinnier, younger, more made-up than they are.
4. Women who don't play up a male's definition of femininity with makeup, skirts, cleavage, etc, are masculine.
5. Women who wear pants are CDing.
6. When wives disapprove of their CDing husbands, it is because he chooses to wear female items of clothing.
7. Personality traits and preferences are gender-specific. For example, if a CDer shows emotion it means he is feminine and if a woman is aggressive it means she is masculine. Not true.
8. Women's underwear are more comfortable than men's underwear.
9. Women's work boots are cuter than men's work boots. (That's an old one. lol)

If I think of more, I'll update this post.

char GG

10-24-2018, 11:24 AM

Great responses, Reine.

I would like to chime in and add that menopause does not equal no sex. Most likely more to it than that.

Lydianne

10-24-2018, 01:35 PM

Good question (#124) and nice, robust response (#127). I understand all of them, but I have a question about number 1 . . kind of . . unless we're referring to bedroom-type-sexy here as opposed to presentable-but-sexy, then I would understand it completely. But just in case we're not, then I have a follow-up question:

I can understand not having the same clothing high as that of a CDer, but is there not a corresponding one? There is a phenomenon which I have seen occurring plenty of times where, for example, a Madonna-type celebrity* can wear a particular dress to, say, a charity event where she is the most well-known person by far ( i.e. without other celebs of her calibre to dilute her ), and in the following days, we would hear reports that similar versions of that dress are sold out in the high-street stores. What would be the motivation for this happening if there is no thrill to be had?

* Kate Middleton is probably a better example in recent times. Retail variations of her outfits clear off the shelves in the immediate aftermath of her events.

- Lydianne.

ReineD

10-25-2018, 04:10 PM

What would be the motivation for this happening if there is no thrill to be had?

To attract in order to realize success, no matter her goals (seeking to get a man? power? ego? seeking to recapture youth? ). Choice of presentation is a way to manipulate how others think of us, at least at the onset.

But, if she were alone she wouldn't gain any thrill dressing that way.

kimdl93

11-03-2018, 01:24 PM

Question to tolerating, accepting or supportive GG partners: what, if anything do you enjoy about your partner’s cross dressing?

char GG

11-04-2018, 07:26 AM

He is easier to shop with.

11-04-2018, 07:24 PM

What I liked was how it made our relationship so bonding and complete trust in each other. It made our relationship esp in the beginning Sher and I against the world. We had an unconditional love and support. And Sher always was worried how I felt and that I felt special.We loved to shop together and plan outings and events. In the very beginning there was an excitement on. my part for her to experience everything she ever wanted. Then after yrs it was our life.
No one is going to prob like this part but it’s how I feel / over the years reading about hiding and secrets plus some who bring things out in dribs and drabs - we never had that - I would not have put up with that. So basically it was the relationship and out of love we wanted the best for each other and honestly on both sides.
I thought maybe I should not answer this but I went there/

ReineD

11-05-2018, 04:39 AM

It makes him happy.

... and after reading Di's post, I must say I'm so grateful that everything's on the table and there is no lying/hiding between us, even though there are people we choose not to tell and so there's a degree of lying/hiding there.

P.S. Char & Di, in our case, shopping is out of the question. My SO hates to shop (for anything), no matter the presentation. Admittedly, I'm not big on shopping either as I age. I'm at the point of wanting to simplify my life and get rid of stuff. lol

confused_cathreen

11-06-2018, 12:01 PM

I am sorry I missed this question so a late reply, if I am allowed. I would say the desire by a certain demographic to copy celebrities is not due to a thrill that they get by wearing their clothes. It's more a desire to belong to a clan. That clan is the "cool" crowd, whatever we consider it to be. Now, I will go one step ahead and say that unless I look like Kate Middleton or at least have her body type and age, I would end up looking like an overstuffed clown where all the negative aspects of my body are accentuated. Those of us who know better would never try to copy something we see in a magazine because we learned what works for us and we stick to it. So, no, the desire to copy is NOT due to a thrill. It only applies to a small demographic of trend followers and it happens only if you can't find your own style. Age cures that illness, lol.

I would also applaud Reine's list of misconceptions amongst the CDing world. In the last few months, I have read plenty of posts trying to discuss each of these assumptions. Some made me giggle (CDing women, lol!) and some annoyed me(seriously, jealous of what?). Most women I know, and all I met here, don't reside in the land of make-believe. We live in the real world where our mirror tells us the truth daily. I understand the CDing community's daily struggles and I definitely hope more is done to acknowledge their struggle, I said before that us who were hit on the head with a revelation hammer would have appreciated it if we would have known from day one seeing with our own eyes what our partners were so that we could make an informed decision whether to stay or go. Because we really get no personal thrill from all of this. The only thrill for those who accept it is the happiness in their partner's face. The real face by the way, not the make-believe.

ReineD

11-07-2018, 04:51 PM

EDIT to my post #126

I've just remembered another thing that isn't true:

10. Women bounce their foot while their legs are crossed because it squeezes certain things and makes them feel good. Seriously. There was a whole thread about this!

kimdl93

11-17-2018, 12:59 PM

confused_cathreen

11-17-2018, 09:58 PM

Dear kim, the answer always is by having a detailed discussion while dressed as she met you: a male. Without distractions, not when expecting interruptions, not first thing in the morning or last thing at night and not in a public place. Use the word "crossdresser" and don't downplay it or make it sound like a fetish. Give her a detailed appraisal of the how's and why's and be ready to play 1001 questions. I will tell you a thing you don't hear often here; whatever comes out of this conversation, if she never had to deal with this before, her state of mind will require care for quite a long time after. It's important you often ask her questions yourself about her concerns and if she has any. Don't sit back and think, well I told her now, if she wants to know something, she will ask. A lot of women internalise a million times more than you can imagine. Don't assume anything because chances are, you'll be wrong. Equally as important is that you volunteer without prompting your thought process. If you are struggling, tell her. If you are worried, tell her. But most of all, be clear about what this means to you. Don't downplay it and don't feed her bs in bitesize because it's easier to swallow. Respect her as you hope she will respect you. Best of luck.

char GG

11-18-2018, 07:14 PM

Hi Kim,
Cathreen really said it all! I will just stress that you should tell her what dressing means to you. Is is every day, once a week, once a month, 24/7, do you want to sleep dressed? Have sex dressed? Tell her everything. Then tell her what you truly think your plans for the future are, dressed more when you retire? Plan to transition? She will most likely ask the obvious but be truthful - are you gay, bi, hetero? Are you trying to attract attention from men? What are you dreams for 5 years from now, 10 years from now? If you've gotten this far, then tell her how you want her (or any woman) to fit into your life. What are your expectations from a partner? Do you want her participation? No participation? I'm sure she will have many other questions but these are a start.

I do admire that you are willing to open up early in the relationship and not waste your time or her time if her response is negative. If it is positive, then you have a win. Good luck to you both. I do love a good love story with a happy outcome!

11-19-2018, 12:03 AM

I really like what the other Ggs have said. I agree!
Tell your truth
Be honest
Don’t back down ( saying you will stop ect) do not make promises that can not be kept
Do not take offense if they ask are you gay or bi or whatever/ people not familiar with this do not understand.
Help her understand
Help her see everything she likes about you is BECAUSE of how you truly are
Be proud of yourself it’s a gift
Give her time to see it is a gift..
We are here for her if she wants other GGs to talk to.
I think it will be all ok from what you posted about her and I am hopeful for a love story that really can come from sharing this together. If her first reaction is not good give her time to understand and know we are ALL in your corner.

kimdl93

11-22-2018, 03:56 PM

Ok..so we all agree, I have to come out. At the moment, we are both tentative... my thought is to come out now...come what may. What do you think?

char GG

11-22-2018, 05:06 PM

Hi Kim,
Not really sure what you mean by “you are both tentative”. My guess would be that it’s not about CDing since I don’t think you have told her yet. Tentative about future dating? About a physical relationship? A future relationship? So, again, just guessing here, if you think that you both seem interested about continuing your relationship, then tell her as soon as possible. If this is just a casual, I don’t know if this person is someone I really want to keep seeing relationship, then maybe wait a bit longer to reveal. The relationship may come to a natural end without any further input from your end.

ellbee

11-30-2018, 05:21 PM

Okay, so here's a little scenario for the GG's... :)

I was at the post office earlier today. No one else in the lobby, just me & a GG (maybe mid-40s?) who came in right after me. No employees at the front counter, as they were in the back busy doing something.

I was dressed rather "conservatively"... Pullover hoodie in navy, plain matte-black compression leggings (with the bottom half of my butt showing), black running shoes -- all women's stuff, in guy-mode, at that. Casual-athletic, "masculine" colors, blah blah blah. Of course, YMMV... But in my town? Guys don't wear that stuff. Ever. Except me. :heehee:

So, this GG-customer behind me. We were waiting a couple minutes. No employee showed up. I finally tapped the "ring for service" bell. Another minute or two went by, until an employee eventually arrived.

In addition, my transaction took a bit of time, as well.

My question is, if you were that GG, what might *you* be doing/thinking for those 5 minutes or so, with plenty of time & opportunity, while I was standing right in front of you, dressed like that? Would you be looking a bit? (I do have a nice lower-body, LOL.) Feel weirded out? Think it was "interesting"? Nothing at all? And keep in mind that no one else was around for a while, and I don't have eyes in the back of my head.

Of course, you being here on this forum, you may be a bit "biased." ;)

So, 2-part question... What do you believe a *typical* GG of that age might think/do (if anything) during those 5 minutes, while in that scenario?

Just curious about a GG's perspective. Thanks! :)

char GG

11-30-2018, 05:30 PM

I would probably be thinking that I should have come 5 minutes earlier, lol! If your name isn’t Brad Pitt, I would not have really cared how you were dressed or what your butt looked like. But that’s just me. Maybe the other GGs have another take on the situation.

11-30-2018, 08:36 PM

I don’t I would not even notice or care what you had on.I had to run to the post office a few days ago and I do not know or remember anything anyone had on I only remember there was a line and I have no memory if it was men or women in front of me. I do not think anyone would notice unless you are wearing something really out of norm like maybe a bathing suit or wedding gown now that might cause me to notice. :) I think most are just there doing an errand and in their own world.

ReineD

12-03-2018, 06:14 PM

To kim:

I love Confused_cathreen, Char GG, and Di’s answers. As to when you should tell her, I think the best time would be when the two of you take it for granted that you are not seeing anyone else.

To Ellbee:

Many people dress in active wear. I would have assumed you were athletic and then thought no more of it. As Di points out, I would have forgotten if there had been anyone else at the post office an hour later. I’m assuming the compression leggings look like something you’d run in? I don’t think this woman would have any way of knowing where you bought the hoodie, the leggings and the sneakers if they look like stuff you’d buy in a men’s store? Also I don't think she'd care even if your sneakers had a pink stripe on it.

My answer applies to someone who is familiar with CDing, and someone who isn’t.

confused_cathreen

12-04-2018, 05:29 AM

I apologise in advance if this will cause offence but you did ask. A straight GG will have no interest in whether your bottom half is attractive, or whether your jogging bottom is sexy or whether your hoodie is chic. 99,9999% of us don't walk around the world assessing other people's clothes. We have lives to get to. She will most propably not care if you are gay, or a straight crossdresser. As Char mentioned, are you Brad Pitt? If not, tough luck, you are going to be unnoticed. Is that what is important to crossdressers, getting noticed, I have wondered about this in the past. I find myself now noticing the crossdressers but am aware I am doing it because I know more on the subject. But, again, I don't care one bit if they are dressed in a manner which I consider attractive. Exactly the same way I don't go around judging women for whatever they have on. Unless it's dressed for clubbing at 10 am in the supermarket and then I will only wonder if they truly feel comfortable in that short skirt and shrug to myself. I think it needs to be said more in here, noone cares what you have on! No real person can stop traffic with what they wear. Unless you are Brad Pitt... As long as your privates are covered, thats the only thing we care for. Maybe that realisation will help more of you to actually go out and be who you want to be. It would make things soooo much simpler for all of us! Thanks for asking though :)

Lydianne

12-04-2018, 01:39 PM

In view of the double mention of Brad Pitt:

Is he actually the guy, or is he just the reset-to-factory-settings? :thinking:.

I have always wondered: Why doesn't Pierce Brosnan get more credit? :idontknow:.

OK, I think I remember hearing that his efforts in Mamma Mia weren't wonderful ( I didn't see it ), but that was very recent. What about before that - Remington Steele, for example?!?? Very visually underrated man, I think. I think the world ought to show more recognition for Pierce Brosnan's looks, in a post office or otherwise.
:love:

( Of course, my next door neighbour could look better than Brad Pitt, but he wouldn't get the recognition for it. Such is the conundrum: Miss / Mr Universe? . . Or Miss/Mr Best-who-applied. But I digress. Question as asked regarding Mr. Brosnan ).

Many thanks in advance,
- Lydianne.

char GG

12-04-2018, 02:12 PM

If Brad Pitt and Pierce Brosnan were in the same post office with me, it would be a hard decision to leave the building! Both are gorgeous. Pierce Brosnan was great in Remington Steele and James Bond. But truthfully, I am my attraction tends towards blondes (Brad Pitt and the younger Robert Redford types fall into that category). I guess we all would have our favorite “reset” go to. When I met my husband, he looked like Brad Pitt, though. Just didn’t make the same $, lol!

LovingThePanties

12-08-2018, 01:13 PM

Great thread Char!!! Thanks for making it.

If you were in a relationship w/ a guy who occasionally liked to dress (lingerie, dresses, & makeup to the 9s type dressing), would you still be able to view him as a masculine man when he wasn't en femme or would the knowledge that he liked to CD alter your perception of him, even if he was otherwise a very masculine guy?

I've never told a girl that I was in a relationship w/ about my dressing (even though I would love to in the hopes they'd be ok w/ it and even help me w/ my makeup and fashion) for the fear that the 10% of the time that I was dressed would skew their perception of me the other 90% of the time.

Kelly DeWinter

12-08-2018, 05:05 PM

Hi;

Name the top things that you believe the CD/TG community don't seem to understand about how women relate to one another.

char GG

12-08-2018, 05:27 PM

Hi Kelly,
One that comes to mind immediately is that most grown women don’t do their nails and hair together. My friends and I do not discuss fashion, either. That stuff stopped in middle school. If I think of more, I will get back to you. I’m sure the other ladies have something to add.

- - - Updated - - -

Hi LTP:
My situation was a little different because my husband didn’t start dressing until we had been married a long time. And yes, it did effect my perception of him. It took a while (couple years) to get over that.

If you want a very good detailed account of a GG whose boyfriend dressed the way you are describing, go back and read posts from Confused_Cathreen.

Only you know what is best for your situation but if you really think you have feelings for someone, best to tell her before the relationship gets serious. Everyone reacts differently. Best of luck.

abbiedrake

12-10-2018, 04:28 PM

Hi everyone.
So, new to the forum and the discussion. However, despite only coming out to my wife a year ago I DID discuss fashion with her. We even had a complete stranger asking my wife if she could 'borrow' me after I opined to my wife that a certain top would look great with an a-line skirt. And this was about 8-10 years ago.
Even as a male (and even before I acknowledged my feminine side) I engaged in my wife's clothing choices. Never controlling (THOSE guys are... Well polite company. I shalt debase myself.), but offering my unfettered opinion. I do KINDA understand the guys sitting outside the stores or the dressing rooms cos, no offense, many women have a fairly strong opinion about what they like and many men seem to feel like they don't know what the right answer is.
But I've always (been with my wife 20 years now) found that honesty is best. Maybe it's simply that my wife is AMAZING (she is) but whatever, my discussing fashion with her deepened her trust is me LONG before I figured I was a CD.
(I'll maybe broach the subject of her speaking for herself on here but we are still comparatively early days yet.)
Abbie

- - - Updated - - -

I did have a question too though.
(I suspect this may have be broached before but I'm playing catch-up. Please forgive me.)
How many of you GGs actually socialise with your SOs female persona?
I follow a fairly well-known UK CD (Juliette Noir) who addressed this recently. Juliette's wife knows about and erm tolerates Juliette but she and her wife don't chat over coffee.
From my own perspective, well, I'm not yet at a stage of presenting as female as convincingly as Juliette, or as many of the 'ladies' here. But our personal circumstances are such that my wife and I DO have casual discussions (even catalogue shopping etc) while I'm dressed. I still currently have my beard (ew. Maybe in the spring) and she's commented once or twice about sitting next to her hubby with boobs. But we do manage it.
That's me and the wife.
What about you GGs? How many of you casually (or even more formally) socialise with your hubby/bf's femme side?
Thx in advance,
Abbie

12-10-2018, 08:03 PM

Hi Kelly you know on top of my head I can not think of anything but trust me lol I will as many times I have rolled my eyes at some of the comments on how Ggs act or think.

Abbie drake yes Sherlyn and I had a complete life going everywhere as two women. Started out at clubs and dances and then progressed to just everyday life ice skating, restaurants, concerts boring stuff like grocery shopping you know just life.
She kept work life as guy mode the rest was just us Sher and Di.

char GG

12-15-2018, 01:28 PM

Hi Abbie
When my husband dresses, it’s ONLY to go out. His choice. He doesn’t like to spend the time dressing to sit home. We usually go to eat, maybe a small amount of shopping, and to someplace with a band to dance or listen to. We do the same thing when he is dressed as a man. To us, going out is about balance, not always CDed.

abbiedrake

12-16-2018, 08:21 AM

@char Clearly you make that work with the appropriate balance of male mode time. But you say 'his choice'. Are you open to or might you even prefer some time at home with him dressed, balanced as ever with male mode time?

- - - Updated - - -

Just to add, in my life 'balance' would be getting rid of even some hair and a single trip out. One day... For now it's all male mode except for the odd frock day at home. And some joint makeup play.

- - - Updated - - -

Heavens. I don't want to monopolise this thread but I had a lot in my head instead of sleep last night.
The question: would any of you GGs recommend to a non-CDing male that they try it?

12-16-2018, 09:26 AM

.
The question: would any of you GGs recommend to a non-CDing male that they try it?

My answer is no/ I feel it is a part of who someone is / I would not want to be fake in any way. So having a non cding try it would be the not being true to who they are and what’s the point.

confused_cathreen

12-16-2018, 01:24 PM

LTP: it changes your perception of your partner, forever, if it's not how he presented himself from the beginning. I have been quite open in this forum that I am attracted to masculine men and make no apologies for that. So when my image of my partner is a masculine one that corresponds to my preferences, then a feminine one is off-putting. The only way it might be reset back to what i find 100% attractive is if I am never exposed to it again. Which brings me to abbie's question: no interest in socialising with my partner if he presents as a woman. And is your second question about whether I would ever suggest it to a future non-cd partner? Never in a million years.

char GG

12-16-2018, 01:56 PM

Hi Abbie,
In answer to your question about recommending CDing to a non CDing male. I would think not. Just like I would not recommend fishing, golfing, (just using these as examples) or any other activity. I would just assume they are adults and their interests varied. If they wanted to CD, they probably already are doing so.

ReineD

01-05-2019, 10:05 PM

If you were in a relationship w/ a guy who occasionally liked to dress (lingerie, dresses, & makeup to the 9s type dressing), would you still be able to view him as a masculine man when he wasn't en femme or would the knowledge that he liked to CD alter your perception of him, even if he was otherwise a very masculine guy?

I’d have no trouble seeing him as a man when dressed as a man, even if he wasn’t a macho guy.

Name the top things that you believe the CD/TG community don't seem to understand about how women relate to one another.

1. We tend to bond with each other. I’ve gotten the impression over the years that many CDers believe women don’t like each other very much.

2. We don’t tend to be jealous of another woman’s looks or body, unless we perceive that this woman is after our guy. But then we’d be jealous of her even if she was older, not as pretty, or heavier than us. We’d be jealous of the attention she was potentially getting from our guy much more than her looks. Most of us come to terms with how we look rather early in life and we make the best out of what we’ve got rather than waste energy wanting to look like someone else.

3. We really don’t notice much what other women are wearing. When I compliment someone’s dress, purse, earrings, etc, it’s rather a bonding exercise, unless she is wearing precisely what I had been looking for, which is a coincidence that doesn’t occur all that often.

4. As Char mentions, we don’t groom each other nor do we spend time talking about "girly" things. I talk about the same things with my female friends as I do with my male friends: events about our daily lives, current events, politics, etc.

How many of you GGs actually socialise with your SOs female persona?

We go out often when my SO is dressed. But I don’t see it as my SO’s female persona. My SO doesn’t change persona, no matter how dressed.

As to your comments about women asking a man’s opinion on a new outfit, I was married for 30 years to a non-CDer. I loved it when we went shopping together because I wanted to know whether he preferred this or that outfit on me. He didn’t mind giving me his opinion, even though he knew nothing about fashion. I always bought the one he preferred.

The question: would any of you GGs recommend to a non-CDing male that they try it?

No. Either he doesn’t want to dress or he does, in which case he needs no suggestion from me. lol

LucyDarlene20

01-06-2019, 12:30 AM

How soon (or deep) into a relationship does a GG want to know? I didn't tell my (late) second wife for almost 6 years, and it formed a wall between us for 20+ years. Almost two years after she died I told my next love before I proposed. She was OK at first, but not so much later and we broke up. Went into hermit mode until a friend introduced me to a co-worker a few years later. I told her after a couple of months, as things got serious, and things have worked well. We are married and very happy. I don't CD full time, and she is my fashion consultant.

I expect a range of answers (and I'm not sure if someone has posted this already), but I'd like to get an idea of the average time: How soon would a GG want to know?

01-06-2019, 08:41 AM

We met on here so I knew right away.

But for most I would say when you think things are getting serious.
Then they can decide.
For me I now think why get married unless you can love each other unconditionally.
If you can not be yourself / what’s the point? ( and that go both ways)
Glad you are happy.

char GG

01-06-2019, 07:25 PM

Hi Lucy Darlene:
I agree with Di here. Telling before things get serious would be ideal.

The other thing is, how deep or how often is someone into dressing? Is it casual, once a week, every 2 weeks, once a month, or is it every day, taking dressing to bed, 24/7, need to transition? Is dressing on her mind constantly or only occasionally. All of that may make difference. But in the long run, a CDer would not want to waste her time or the GG's time if it was kept a secret after a few months.

It sounds like you had a good timeline with your current wife, as long as you both a comfortable and happy, that's what matters.

ReineD

01-08-2019, 02:14 AM

How soon (or deep) into a relationship does a GG want to know?

As soon as it is mutually understood that we are in an exclusive relationship, which implies there are feelings on both sides.

MoGG

02-01-2019, 06:12 AM

How soon (or deep) into a relationship does a GG want to know?
I wish I’d known before not telling me involved lying. And unnecessary lies, because I am not upset about the cross dressing. For most people that means they should tell their SO before they are serious enough to think about living together if not earlier.
I don’t think my SO was cross-dressing so much early in the relationship. Still, I now know he was lying to me when I was being open and vulnerable about my sexual history and desires, before we were serious. Which makes me feel pretty crappy actually. And thats before the elaborate guilt-fuelled obvious lies about what he was doing - when I would have been perfectly happy to be told he needed some private time. Instead I began to imagine really terrible things.
TLDR - tell the truth early, before you have to fix more about your relationship than your CD revelation.

abbiedrake

02-01-2019, 06:18 AM

MoGG

02-01-2019, 06:44 AM

Hi ladies!
Could I ask, beside your own personal feelings, are any of you upset, insulted, annoyed etc at our dressing on behalf of women more broadly? Like maybe with male privilege etc we should be content with being men without having to muscle in on your side of life. Do us CDs ever make it seem like nothing's sacred?
Thanks as ever for your time and consideration.
Hi. I don’t think there is anything offensive or misogynistic about wearing clothes more commonly worn by women. In fact, I actually appreciate it when men challenge those boundaries and don’t act as though anything “feminine” is somehow degrading or inferior. I would love a world where people wore whatever they want.
Having said that, when I started reading cross-dressing sites to be more supportive and understanding to my husband, I did get quite angry and upset about a lot of the way women are discussed. Mostly this is probably not because of CDing particularly, but because its groups of men discussing women. There’s a range of opinions, but obviously there’s some ignorance and even a bit of open hostility from some men, that I don’t see in more mixed-gender forums. Sometimes though, I think some CDs confuse their fantasy of being a woman with reality and compare it unfavourably to us.
And also, even without that, the whole thing can feel a little weird to a GG. It’s like being Scottish and finding your American boyfriend likes to wear kilts - unisual, but completely OK, and then he tells you he gets turned on by pretending to be Scottish and doing the accent and everything. It’s harmless, but as a real Scottish person, it does feel strange. Especially because he’s got no interest in Scots history, or politics, or books by Scottish authors, nope, just the kilt and the accent - and that can feel reductive, like he’s reducing being Scottish to some decorative bits that a lot of Scottish people enjoy but isn’t a central part of their lives. And then you go on line and find some Scotts-dressers who complain that gScotts people don’t wear enough tartan these days, or they have it so easy because they just spend their lives frolicking around the heather - as if they don’t have the same job problems as Americans, or claim they do a better accent than gScotts people or say that Scotts people should stop complaining about the British government because at least they get to wear kilts and on and on.
Does that help?

char GG

02-01-2019, 09:08 AM

@abbiedrake
I am not insulted/annoyed about men dressing as women. I appreciate it if a CDer presents in a classy way. What I don't care for (in men or women), is when someone portrays themselves in a super sexualized way in public, acts like a street walker, post pictures of themselves in their sexy wear, and then cries foul when someone disrespects their presentation or treats them like the fantasy object they present themselves as. (That doesn't mean they can't dress as their fantasy in private).

I don't think male privilege makes any difference. What is annoying is when men proclaim that they are "more feminine or girly" and claim to understand how the female mind really works. Many times, this is a male fantasy.

I love MoGG's analogy! Very well said.

02-01-2019, 10:15 AM

Hi ladies!
Could I ask, beside your own personal feelings, are any of you upset, insulted, annoyed etc at our dressing on behalf of women more broadly? LDo us CDs ever make it seem like nothing's sacred?
Thanks as ever for your time and consideration.
abbiedrake, no the dressing is fine totally and never an issue.I did not care if Sher lived 24/7 as Sher. She was the same either way and it was just who she was.
I remember
One thing that has bothered me about a cder Sher and I met/we were at an cd event and we met someone new and they kept batting their eyelashes and doing this teehee I do declare kinda thing / but when I thought about it / I guessed that was what they thought a woman should act like and maybe that was their first time out.
I did not even know them but that would get on my last nerve on an everyday basis.
But I guess they were living their fantasy but kinda disturbing to me as a proud independent woman.
Lol I feel mean even writing about that cause it harmed no one but I still remember it bugging me even now.

abbiedrake

02-01-2019, 03:26 PM

Thanks ladies. But special shoutout to Mo. Lmao!

Robbiegirl

02-02-2019, 11:16 AM

char GG

02-03-2019, 01:12 AM

My frilly clothes always involved scratchy stiff slips which I hated. I would have to dress up to go to my grandpa’s farm for family gatherings, when all of my cousins got to play in the barn and climb trees. I resented that. I would have rather played outside but couldn’t get my dress dirty. I finally got brave enough to overrule my mom’s decision that I dress up and brought play clothes to change into. I never had soft slips until I bought them myself as adult.

Yes, I did like the catalogs, but usually the toys and sparkly jewelry. Not the slips or underwear (see scratchy slip comment).

I did dress my poor little brother up when we played dress up. He was 6 years younger and got to be the bride! Lol! I don’t think he liked it!

MoGG

02-03-2019, 04:50 AM

Ladies there is a current Thread about catalogs in the 1960s and 70s. Just wondering if you ladies had as much interest in them as the guys have expressed ?

Also wondering if growing up if it ever occurred to you how lucky you were to get to wear fun and cute dresses and nighties and if it ever crossed your mind that boys didn't get to wear such fun things ?

By chance did it ever cross your mind that it would be fun to dress boys up in girls clothes ?

Thanks so much, you ladies are the best and so helpful
Those catalogs are a bit before my time, so I can’t speak to that. I grew up in overalls, jeans and sneakers - for which I was and am very grateful. Like most girls primary school age I felt sorry for friends who were made to wear the frilly restrictive dresses their grandparents bought them. I also thought all those pinks and pastel colours for girls were really yucky- they aren’t to my personal taste even now.

I never heard any boys complain about not getting to wear those girls clothes, so it never occurred to me to feel sorry for them, but I did feel sorry over similar things. My earlier childhood was in a farming community with very religious and traditional views and my best friend was beaten and not allowed to play with me any more, because his father didn’t want him to be friends with girls. Manly men avoid women apparently. Mind you, at a community event they had a race for the fastest to shimmy up a flagpole, and when a girl was fastest it wasn’t counted and the old people were angry with her for trying. As a child I knew all this was mean and unjust and I never looked back when we left.

My first teenage boyfriend wore whatever he wanted, including some “womens” clothes, the more luxurious and flamboyant the better, and it was the reason I admired him at first sight. I don’t think that boyfriend was a cross-dresser, he just liked colours and lush textures, and would probably have preferred to dress like an 18th century nobleman if he could have found that in the charity shops. I did feel sorry for everyone, male or female, who wasn’t able to wear what they liked, and I knew I was lucky my family didn’t care even if they often laughed at me and my outlandish friends.

I once put make-up on my brother because he was curious. Mostly he liked to pretend he was male characters and I helped with that too. Sometimes I’d dress older boys up “as girls” when the boys were curious, because boys made such a fuss about how weird and mysterious girls’ stuff is, and we didn’t think it was such a big deal. We were a lot more likely to roll our eyes and tell them to put on their big boy pants and wear eyeliner or nail polish if they wanted. I had the luxury of a more tolerant age and place by then.

02-03-2019, 10:33 AM

confused_cathreen

02-05-2019, 05:51 AM

ReineD

02-10-2019, 10:53 PM

Like maybe with male privilege etc we should be content with being men without having to muscle in on your side of life. Do us CDs ever make it seem like nothing's sacred?

Thanks for asking, but I've never understood the idea of CDers muscle-ing in on women. Doesn't this imply that women should somehow feel threatened for what - the increased competition? My gender is not sacred. There are 3.5 billion other women on this planet and surely we can all accommodate a few CDers. Besides, there is a huge difference between GGs and CDers. As to potential competition, there is none because men who are interested in CDers are generally not interested in GGs, and vice versa.

There is one aspect of the CDing that gives me pause - the fake or hugely exaggerated feminine mannerisms (giggles, sashaying, extending pinkie fingers, using stereotypical expressions in falsetto voices), the overly sexualized style of dress (gives me the impression the dressing is a sexual fetish), or the little-girl frilly type dresses on middle-aged men. I don't feel personally put-out or threatened by any of these, but I do feel embarrassed for the CDers who act and dress that way.

Last, I agree with Mo. It wasn't until I became familiar with the CDer community that I realized the degree to which many CDers resent women.

Robbiegirl

02-12-2019, 11:56 AM

I for one he adore Women ! But sometimes I'm not sure if I fell in Love with the Hollywood Version . All the Glamour !

There is a song I grew up with called " I enjoy being a girl " which has like 100 versions of it sung by Girls on You Tube . I can only wonder how many CDs have sang this during Girl time !

So as a Guy I kind of accepted the song as fact. Any thoughts on the song as a whole or some of the lines in particular ?

I always thought made Girls seem a bit silly but i always liked silly so was ok with it

I'm a girl and by me that's only great
I am proud that my silhouette is curvy
that I walk with a sweet and girlish gait
With my hips kind of swivelly and swervey
I adore being dressed in something frilly
When my date comes to get me at my place
Out I go with my Joe or John or Billy
Like a filly who is ready for the race
When I have a brand new hairdo
With my eyelashes all in curls
I float as the clouds on air do
I enjoy being a girl
When men say I'm cute and funny
And my teeth aren't teeth but pearls
I just lap it up like honey
I enjoy being a girl
I flip when a fellow sends me flowers
I drool over dresses made of lace
I talk on the telephone for hours
with a pound and a half of cream upon my face

02-12-2019, 02:28 PM

One of your recent threads said Yes this is a Frivolous Fun Thread
So I guess this is as well. SIGH
I get the nighties and how it feels questions ECT you ask in this thread is what you feel.
I really do not know what to say about this song you are asking about except to say it’s superficial, sexist, and objectifys.
To me being a woman is more than superficial things.
I looked it up and it was written by men and in the 1950s so I guess that explains it lol.

MoGG

02-12-2019, 03:31 PM

So as a Guy I kind of accepted the song as fact. Any thoughts on the song as a whole or some of the lines in particular ?

Robbiegirl, of course it’s a fantasy. It’s from an old musical called Flower Drum Song. The character who sings it is the daughter of very strict traditional Chinese immigrants to America, a girl with a lot of responsibilities and pressure to be NOT like the girl in the song. She is fantasizing about the life she imagines other teenagers have. Richer, more popular, whiter teenagers.

The audience knows no-one really has that life. That is also why almost all the covers are obviously campy and it is so popular with drag queens - even without the original context it is clearly a fantasy of teenage girlhood.

There’s nothing wrong with a bit of escapist fantasy, of course. But I find it really hard to believe that you accepted the song as straight forward fact. Women make up the majority of the population, you must have seen some? Of course the song is about teenagers, not women, but you must know that even rich popular teenagers are worried about their grades and their futures, and practically all have hormone-induced social anxiety? Have you ever met anyone remotely like that song?

I always thought made Girls seem a bit silly but i always liked silly so was ok with it

And here’s where we get into dangerous territory. You may fantasize about being a girl who is silly. You may even enjoy this feeling. I find that hard to understand, myself. If what you mean is a fantasy of being happily irresponsible and fancy-free, then that is closer to what I imagine is the implied fantasy behind most of the camp renditions of the song.

However when you say you hear this song as a straight forward narrative of a common female experience, one we would still continue to identify with even post-adolescence - and that that experience is one of being silly... it sounds like you are saying women, as a sex, are silly.

You may like thinking of yourself as silly. Most people, including women, find it a clear negative. And when used about women it ties into old misogynistic tropes about women being bimbos, stupid, decorative and trivial.

I don’t want to crush anyone’s fantasy life. We all need fantasies. Think of yourself as a pretty butterfly of a girl with no real worries or cares, if you enjoy that! Just don’t pretend that real women aren’t also people, living the actual, complicated lives that all humans live. And, really, really, stop calling us silly - it’s offensive.

Macey

02-12-2019, 03:46 PM

I know this is a stupid question. Seriously, I know this is a stupid, frivolous question. But I'll be going out en fem sooner or later, so I really could use the advice.

Here goes …

GGs … what essential items should a woman have in her purse? (besides money, keys, ID, etc)

I know, I know … silly question, but it would give me a little confidence to hear what I might need when out and about!

char GG

02-12-2019, 04:07 PM

@Robbiegirl,
Of course the song is pure fantasy. MoGG & Di explained it very well. I remember the song played on the radio in the 60’s by different artists. None of my friends nor I liked it, thought it was obviously dumb. Kind of like the old Alley Opp song (about a cartoon character). We didn’t think that was about real men, either.

@Macey
Take your cell phone. Oh, and a mini flashlight.

MoGG

02-12-2019, 04:14 PM

“GGs … what essential items should a woman have in her purse? (besides money, keys, ID, etc)”

Not a stupid question. I’m deliberately giving advice a man might be less likely to think of here.

Extra hair ties or pins, depending on your hairstyle. They both have a tendency to break or fall out.

If you are going out made up some make-up removing wipes. I don’t wear makeup often, so am prone to forgetting and rubbing my mascara and the smudges need something stronger than water to budge.

In my day bag I take a tiny sewing kit for fallen buttons, downed hems and split seams. This is very old-fashioned advice, but I’ve helped a lot of people with quick repairs.

Continuing with old fashioned advice, I personally never wear nylon pantyhose but people who do should keep some clear nail polish around to stop ladders when they are still small.

And the one bit of advice I always follow myself:

Take a small but well laden e-reader to concerts, conferences and similar events. You never know when you are going to get stuck in a queue to the toilets, usually longer for women as we physically need to go more frequently and can’t use urinals to speed the process. I don’t deal with boredom well. E-reader apps on a mobile phone work well.

Macey

02-12-2019, 04:30 PM

Thank you Mo! Was back and forth about the wipes, so you've convinced me! Purse is too small for a reader, so phone will have to do. Normally, I bring a wee crossword book, but that may be too bulky. I don't normally wear pantyhose, so I'll forgo the clear polish for now. Hair ties and pins are already in!

Good thought on the wee sewing kit!

Thank you so much :)

02-12-2019, 06:33 PM

Not a stupid question at all.
It’s real life:)
I have a crossbody I carry to work and in it I carry just dL & debit card and lippy.
But in a larger purse
I put my wallet into the large, main compartment of your purse. ...
I put together a small toiletry kit of items like wipes , and tissues. ...
I Fill a small makeup bag with lotion, lip balm, and any cosmetics. ...usually powder and lippy
Set my keys in a small, secure side pocket. ...
Put my phone in a smaller section where it won't get lost and easy to get to.
I try to follow this each time so I can go to the right place without digging in my purse .
Hope this helps

Macey

02-12-2019, 06:40 PM

Thank you Di, this is a smaller purse, so no to makeup bag, but I'll be dropping a few essential makeup items. Yes to keeping it organized as best as possible! Already musing over which pocket(s) for toiletries, which for make up touch up items, which for cash and cards, etc. My knuckle-dragging three-back hands will be fumbling with this for a while until I get used to it ;)

So Newbie

02-16-2019, 10:06 AM

A familiar question. I’m at the beginning of what might become a relationship. I’ve come to the conclusion that I’d be doing her and myself a disservice to try and hide this part of myself, and so if we reach a certain ill-defined point, I would like to come out to her. I have a sense of when that might be appropriate but I’m unsure of how. Any suggestions would be much appreciated.
Hi Kim- my bf told me he was a cd one month into our dating. At the time the relationship was so new that I didn’t put a lot of thought to what that was going to mean for the future. As time passed and we got closer, I realized that cd is a part of him, makes him the man he is and who I have fallen in love with. He and I communicate very well, which I’m so grateful because I can say what I’m feeling and we work through it. I have shared custody of my children and I have them a week at a time. This allows us to have a week to devote to our relationship and a week he can dress freely without me around. We have worked up to the point where I’m ok with him wearing women’s bikini panties when he’s with me. we have agreed on the details of the panties(no bows/lace/or PINK staring me in the face, lol). I still struggle with with the idea that he is a cd’er but we work on boundaries that we can both live with. One should not sacrifice their happiness for the other. My best advise is to talk and listen. There is no wrong or right way either of you need to feel. You are both allowed to have the feelings you have. It takes work and some days it’s harder than others. For me it’s a daily work in progress. Best of luck!!

- - - Updated - - -

Great thread Char!!! Thanks for making it.

If you were in a relationship w/ a guy who occasionally liked to dress (lingerie, dresses, & makeup to the 9s type dressing), would you still be able to view him as a masculine man when he wasn't en femme or would the knowledge that he liked to CD alter your perception of him, even if he was otherwise a very masculine guy?

I've never told a girl that I was in a relationship w/ about my dressing (even though I would love to in the hopes they'd be ok w/ it and even help me w/ my makeup and fashion) for the fear that the 10% of the time that I was dressed would skew their perception of me the other 90% of the time.
I’ve been with my bf for about 10 months. I have known for 9. The only thing I’ve seen him in is panties and the workout type leggings,but not until I was ready. Honestly, I’m terrified to see him in much more for the fact my perception will change. I don’t want to see that persona when I’m in bed and trying to be intimate. It was hard for me to be turned on by the black and pink lace panties he used to wear. (We have since agreed to boundaries on that, which has made a big difference when we are being intimate). He has express to me that his NEED for me to be involved with the dressing is very little to nothing at all. But his WANT for me is to shop and give advise when he dresses. It’s always evolving and communication is the key. But, both of you need to be comfortable in the boundaries you set. Best of luck!!

ReineD

02-21-2019, 02:21 AM

I'm a girl and by me that's only great
I am proud that my silhouette is curvy
that I walk with a sweet and girlish gait
With my hips kind of swivelly and swervey
I adore being dressed in something frilly
When my date comes to get me at my place
Out I go with my Joe or John or Billy
Like a filly who is ready for the race
When I have a brand new hairdo
With my eyelashes all in curls
I float as the clouds on air do
I enjoy being a girl
When men say I'm cute and funny
And my teeth aren't teeth but pearls
I just lap it up like honey
I enjoy being a girl
I flip when a fellow sends me flowers
I drool over dresses made of lace
I talk on the telephone for hours
with a pound and a half of cream upon my face

Fantasy. Sheer fantasy. lol

Kinda reminds of actresses in movies around the time of WWII, or actresses playing a teenage girl in the 1950s, keeping in mind that no woman ever lived or behaved like actresses in movies, even during the 1940s and 1950s. :rolleyes: Pure stereotype. Not real life at all, especially now. You should meet the girls my sons are with. They'd read this and scratch their heads. :)

GGs … what essential items should a woman have in her purse? (besides money, keys, ID, etc)

I know, I know … silly question, but it would give me a little confidence to hear what I might need when out and about!

Wallet, cell phone, keys, sunglasses, an extra pair of small reading glasses because I'm always losing them, a pen, and one or two hair tie backs in case I need to get my hair out of the way, and lately my check book has been living there because I've been having to write quite a lot of checks.

... edited to add that it's also the place I stash all the business cards people give me (from stores, tradespeople, etc), and bits of paper I write things on only to go through a few months later and wonder who the h*ll is this name and phone number. lol. And when I'm involved in a project, I keep a miniature tape measure in there so I can measure things at Home Depot. Oh, I do also keep a tube of Chapstick especially in the winter because my lips get so dry. And a small comb.

If the pockets in my jeans were as big as men's pants pockets, everything I carry would fit in there except for the sunglasses.

kimdl93

02-24-2019, 10:29 AM

I have a somewhat silly question, elicited by Reine’s comment: Why are the front pockets so shallow in women’s jeans? I can barely fit my keys in them

char GG

02-24-2019, 04:36 PM

Hi Kim,
I really don’t know the answer about front pockets but I feel the same way. I work part time at an event venue and need my keys, phone, money, and mini flashlight. I had to special order ladies cargo pants so I could fit everything in. My only thought is that ladies probably don’t like the extra bulge around their waist, especially with tops that skim the waistband. The tiny pockets are pretty useless, IMO.

02-24-2019, 07:44 PM

Kim,
My first thought was to keep the lines in the outfit flat.
I googled it and got this :)
Clothing lines hang better without the added bulk of usable pockets. Just seams are easier to create fitted lines. Once you add a real pocket, the lines have to adjust for extra fabric.
Designers assume (and push) that women carry purses all the time, removing the need for usable pockets.
The fitted styles of today don't allow room for usable pockets. This is an extension of #1.

Personally, I despise that I can't just run out with my wallet or ID and some cash without worrying that it will all fall out of my pant pockets. I normally carry a purse, but sometimes it would be easier not to so I carry a small cross body bag.

MoGG

02-26-2019, 02:48 PM

Q. Why don’t women’s clothes have usable pockets?

A. Sadism.

Not actually true, but it feels that way. Interestingly there are historic accounts of women complaining about lack of pockets all the way back to Regency England, when pockets were actual little sacks that dangled from one’s corset and were reached by a discreet slit in the skirts. They were completely incompatible with the new empire line dresses and were replaced with pathetically small reticules that women had to carry inconveniently tied to their wrists. 200 years later and we are still putting up with this nonsense.

Bea_

03-06-2019, 09:11 AM

Kind of a follow up on recent questions about pockets. Have any of the GG's here considered wearing or actually worn men's jeans/pants, either for added pocket capacity or any other reason and if not, why not?

03-06-2019, 09:48 AM

Bea good question :)
Men’s pants would not work for me unless I totally reconstructed them and I’m not that patient or talented.
I’m curvy
Unlike men’s pants, women’s pants need to accommodate the hips and don’t need that extra room at the front for you know what! (baggy crotch anyone!?) The hips actually pose a problem for pockets and prob the reason why many women’s pants don’t have them .
I have bought men’s shirts maybe twice over the years ( in the men’s Dept as I do not think clothing have a gender)
I wanted a long denim shirt for denim leggings and another time I bought a white men’s dress shirt also for the length to wear with black leggings to achieve the look I was going for.

char GG

03-06-2019, 11:38 AM

I needed to find black pants with deep pockets for a job I have at an event arena. Women's pants had the typical shallow small pockets so I tried men's pants. What a disaster! The seat area was too small, the waist was too big. It just wasn't going to happen. I ended up ordering women's cargo pants online in order to get the pockets that I needed.

ellbee

03-06-2019, 01:33 PM

I have bought men’s shirts maybe twice over the years ( in the men’s Dept as I do not think clothing have a gender)
I wanted a long denim shirt for denim leggings and another time I bought a white men’s dress shirt also for the length to wear with black leggings to achieve the look I was going for.

Follow-up to the follow-up... :D

When wearing those shirts, did you consider yourself to be crossdressing?

Why or why not?

And just to remind the jury... :p

cross-dress
[kraws-dres, kros-]
verb (used without object)
to dress in clothing typically worn by members of the opposite sex.

Oh, and leggings! :GD:

char GG

03-06-2019, 01:55 PM

Ellbee,
You may have just wanted an answer from Di so I hope you don't mind if I also chime in.

I had to have a white button down shirt (again for the venue that I work at) and the easiest place to find one was in the men's department. I did not consider it crossdressing as I was not trying to emulate a man. I must say that the shirt did not fit correctly. Although it was a size small, it was too large in the shoulders. (I'm not a small person either!) Luckily, I wore it under an event blazer.

03-06-2019, 05:10 PM

ellbee,
No it’s just my clothing nothing more. When I think back to when I sewed my own clothing it is just material and nothing else. I don’t care if someone else wants to think of it as cding . To me it’s just clothing I do not wear it to feel like a man I just feel like me always.
So when I read here about someone has to wear girl jeans or girl top.....I don’t get it it’s just material to me. Not saying it’s wrong it’s how they feel and to me it has no connection....just me being me.
But then I feel it’s also not wrong for anyone wearing whatever they want....it’s just material.
Back in my optician days I did have a few cders come in for glasses AND had to be from the female section.....glasses come in a huge box ( nothing is marked female or male) and I sorted to them as to what a female might like or a guy and some frames I put in both sections. So again it’s only material.
:)

And leggings look super cute with a long top and cute shoes or boots !
I do not wear jeans much but I love my leggings and Gypsy skirts. I might not be in style but ....again lol I wear what I love ❤️

ReineD

03-07-2019, 04:56 AM

I have a somewhat silly question, elicited by Reine’s comment: Why are the front pockets so shallow in women’s jeans? I can barely fit my keys in them

Desire to please? Desire to conform? Vanity?

Women's clothing normally fits closer to the body than men's so as to what ... show off the body underneath? As Di says, large pockets would destroy the line.

Have any of the GG's here considered wearing or actually worn men's jeans/pants, either for added pocket capacity or any other reason and if not, why not?

The waist:hip ratio in men's jeans is all wrong. They'd fall right off.

When wearing those shirts, did you consider yourself to be crossdressing?

Why or why not?

No. My aim is not to look like a man. Besides, you can find the same styles of shirts in women's clothing and you could say that most men's shirts are actually gender neutral.

Plaid: https://content.backcountry.com/images/items/900/UBB/UBB001U/BN.jpg

Denim: https://oldnavy.gap.com/webcontent/0014/654/756/cn14654756.jpg

I bought a white linen men's shirt last summer, large, loose, and airy, to protect my arms from the sun in the summer. I could not find anything so perfect in women's clothes. I wore it over everything. It actually looked quite feminine on me. :)

ellbee

03-11-2019, 12:53 AM

Okay, just to clarify some replies...

So, if a guy simply puts on, say, a dress, heels & hose -- and that's it... He's *not* crossdressing, because he's in guy-mode??

Weird, but every official definition of CD'ing that I've ever read over the decades states he's doing exactly that.

But if he were then to also throw on a wig & make-up, and arguably he's emulating/looking like a female, then, according to some of you, he now *is* crossdressing?

Just want to get that straight, here.

Because if this is what some of you are saying (and it seems like it does), then what you're also implying is that long hair & cosmetics, i.e., appearance, "makes the woman."

Yikes... Better not let a feminist hear you say that! ;)

I mean, where do you draw the line with this? :strugglin

Maybe a guy is losing his natural hair (like some women do), and opts for a wig with some length to it (like some women do). You know, to make himself feel better about his situation (again, like some women do).

And wearing make-up? Maybe he just likes looking more youthful & wants to accentuate his best features?

What does that have to do with crossdressing, really?

Okay, okay... Throw on some fake boobs & hips/butt, too, on top of all that.

Again, in the same vein, now you'd be implying that a woman is defined by her body.

All I can say to that, is: Wow... :confused3:

I dunno, but I'd be careful of putting one's own spin on the definition of the word "crossdressing" -- because apparently doing so is a very slippery slope, IMO. :)

03-11-2019, 12:47 PM

ellbee,
Reine, Char and I answered your question ....you must not have understood and turned our answers all around. If you want to discuss it further pm me I’m not taking it any further on this thread as our answers do not seem to matter and are misconstrued.
I think everyone is free to wear what you want, be real , call yourself whatever you want.
I’m not clarifying what a crossdresser is .....I do not even think of these terms nor do I care to. My Sher was a woman no matter what she wore same as I am that’s where I’m coming from.
If you want to assign labels and your meanings in your life have at it.
Back to Ask a GG this topic is done.

Ronnie38

03-22-2019, 08:42 AM

Just a quick question, when a guy comes out as a crossdresser, wether close friend, brother, or an so, why is one of the firsy questions "are you gay"?

char GG

03-22-2019, 03:51 PM

Hi Ronnie,
I'm really not sure why. Maybe it's because most people don't know anything about or have never seen a cross dresser.

03-22-2019, 07:53 PM

Ronnie,
I agree with Char because they really do not know much about a cder. If they google it they will find the opposite it mostly true.

ReineD

03-23-2019, 02:01 PM

So, if a guy simply puts on, say, a dress, heels & hose -- and that's it... He's *not* crossdressing, because he's in guy-mode??

Here's the difference. If a majority of men also wore dresses, heels & hose, then this guy would NOT be crossdressing. This clothing style would have become mainstream among men's clothing, and if women also wore dresses, heels & hose, you could say that the style would have become gender neutral, as are blue jeans for example.

But, this is not the case. Dresses, heels & hose are still considered the sole choice for women, whether we like it or not. And so a man who wears these items is considered to be crossdressing, even if he doesn't wear makeup.

With regards to plaid & denim shirts, slacks, blue jeans, etc., that women wear - this has become mainstream in women's clothing (they come in all shapes and sizes in women's stores) and since men also wear these things, you could say that they have become gender-neutral clothing. Hence women who wear these things are not CDing.

Just a quick question, when a guy comes out as a crossdresser, wether close friend, brother, or an so, why is one of the firsy questions "are you gay"?

When gays began coming out of the closet and we began to celebrate homosexuality with gay pride parades and gay nightclubs featuring drag queens as a seemingly universal form of gay entertainment, the idea of men dressing as women or who wore outrageous makeup and feminine-looking clothes with wild colors and feather boas was associated with homosexuality. Non-homosexual men did not dress that way.

Also, there's the idea that if a man dresses in a way that indicates he wants to attract heterosexual men (sexy lingerie, or form-fitting clothes over prominent breast forms, short skirts, or butt and hip pads that form an attractive "bootie" under tight pants or leggings, heels, long hair, etc), then he must be attracted to these men ... else why would he dress that way. Most women don't dress that way. Granted not all crossdressers dress that way, but the stereotype survives.

Just do a google image search for "sexy crossdresser" and you'll see what I mean. I won't post a link because many of the images violate this board's content rules.

kimdl93

03-24-2019, 12:16 PM

Stephanie47

03-24-2019, 03:48 PM

I posted a query back at #86. I had one response. It concerned whether you husband or S/O has ever tried to explain why he needs to emulate a woman. The question was the "Why" and not how he looks or how the clothes feel. But, the "Why?" A post with a link I followed today ran back to the issue of "the lying," "deceit, "secrecy" and similar words. The article postulated many women would not actually mind their husband wearing woman's attire, except for those words. I really do not agree with that analysis. Sure, there are women who can live with it, but, most just as soon her husband stop or worse dump him out the door.

The question this article sparked in me is whether there is an acceptable time or circumstance when it is alright to "lie by omission" (not outright tell a falsehood when asked) or keep things secret. I've read too many posts/threads where the husband's attire has been tossed in the garbage. Or the wife is hunting down every last article of clothing. You get the picture. Expunge this from the marriage or I would may be hesitate calling it a marriage. So, the guy is caught between a rock and a hard place. Cave in and waste away his true identity or continue his activities. I can understand a wife being upset with too much time spent at her expense. Too much money spent. The potential loss of friendships. Sometimes it is convenient to be married rather than divorce; social standing, financial, etc.

So, are there circumstances when it is justified shielding a wife from cross dressing activities?

MoGG

03-24-2019, 05:59 PM

Just a quick question, when a guy comes out as a crossdresser, wether close friend, brother, or an so, why is one of the firsy questions "are you gay"?

I agree with what Reine and the others said but want to add this - there are three groups of people who can be read as men wearing women’s clothing that are far more prominent in popular culture than cross dressers, and probably more likely to be encountered in real life presenting as women outside their homes.

Drag queens - everywhere on TV and movies, eyecatching in public, and almost always attracted to men.

Transgender women - who of course aren’t actually men but can be confused with crossdressers, who are much more prominent in the news than crossdressers, and most of whom are sexually attracted to men.

Male prostitutes dressed in skimpy women’s clothing - who may or may not be actually trans or CD, gay or straight, but present as men dressed as women trying to attract male sexual attention. Even if this is rare outside big cities, people will be semi-familiar with movie or TV representations, such as background characters in gritty police dramas.

I’ve probably walked past many more straight CDers in a week, than members of all those groups, but I only know about the two CDers I’ve had relationships with. The other “male” bodies in “female” clothing stand out more. Of course people will link CDers with what they are more familiar with.

char GG

03-24-2019, 06:20 PM

Stephanie47:

So, are there circumstances when it is justified shielding a wife from cross dressing activities?

There are so many scenarios. Just my opinion but, to me, the words "justified shielding" means "hiding something" from a person who has committed to live their life with someone. In that case, who is making the determination as to whether it is justified or not? Also, can the person doing the shielding absolutely, positively, guarantee that the wife will never find out? Usually the person hiding something controls the decision whether to tell or not.

I realize that everyone has their reasons for doing what they do. I'm not saying the reasons are right or wrong. Only the person who is doing the justified shielding can really answer if it is right for their situation.

char GG

03-24-2019, 06:23 PM

Kimdl93:

Another silly question: I spent a few hours with 2 GG friends and one observed that I have "girl legs", not guy legs. Of course, I took that as a compliment but wasn't sure exactly what it means. Any ideas?

Not sure, I've never seen your legs, lol :) Maybe because they are shapely and hair free? Next time you spend some time with your GG friends, it might be interesting to ask them.

03-24-2019, 07:24 PM

Another silly question: I spent a few hours with 2 GG friends and one observed that I have "girl legs", not guy legs. Of course, I took that as a compliment but wasn't sure exactly what it means. Any ideas?
Kim, off the top of my head I’d say there is muscle differences and I remembered something from wayyyy back when looking at buying ski boots ( I wear a larger size 11) was told Men and women's ski boots are different because the calf muscle is in a slightly different position and I could not wear a mans . ( so there’s that) :)

So, are there circumstances when it is justified shielding a wife from cross dressing activities?
I am answering from my life past experiences so take that into account/ I knew from the beginning and it was a huge part of our life together it was not just a once in a while thing it was our life. I said from the beginning to Sher NEVER lie to me that would be a deal breaker for me and we were open and shared everything. Other couples are different/ some want a dadt thing but that’s not how I am .Just know....most Gg that come here after finding out that is the thing they have the most trouble with the lies and not having a choice and they sometimes wonder if they can trust again.

Add I’m the one who answered your post #86 :)

MoGG

03-24-2019, 07:27 PM

Sure, there are women who can live with it, but, most just as soon her husband stop or worse dump him out the door.

I think it’s probably true that most women would prefer their husband not crossdress, though it’s hard to tell how many would break up a relationship over it, because there aren’t any good studies on something generally treated like a dirty secret.

But you know, the same thing can be said about polyamory or watching copious amounts of porn or lots of sexual proclivities people have, and yet people make compromises over in a relationship.

Also, people do have a right to get out of a relationship they don’t want. Even women!

So, are there circumstances when it is justified shielding a wife from cross dressing activities?

Yes, If you live in an autocratic regime where marriages are arranged and you can locked up or executed for your sexual identity.

In the circumstances you are describing however, absolutely not. If you are CDing at a frequency that involves deception, including evasiveness, about time or money that would otherwise be available for mutual choice in a relationship, its not ethical. Not murder or assault or domestic violence level unethical, but at least moral cowardice.

I fully accept this depends on the relationship, and can be negotiated in many ways. If you are able to CD without feeling like you have to hide or evade or gaslight, by arranging private time for yourself, than good! But it sounds like you can’t.

Every argument you are making for why it’s ok to lie to your wife can and has been made by people cheating on their spouses ( see also hiding addictions, STDs and criminal behaviour). People who just “can’t help themselves”, whose wives don’t understand them, etc. Well, people who really and truly don’t want to be or can’t be monogamous have ethical options. It’s taken risking social dissaproval and accepting a limited pool of partners and a lot of rejection, but polyamory and non-ethical monogamy are a thing now. People who practice it have to actually communicate with their partners and treat them like equals, but also get to enjoy not being cheating scum.

Your wife probably won’t appreciate your CDing. Most women find porn tailored to male tastes ridiculous and pretty depressing and most men find erotic novels for women ridiculous (and often unsettling if they ever bother to read them). Even gay couples run across the problem that our sexual tastes are highly individualised and yet baffling to those who don’t share them. You probably won’t find a woman who is more than merely tolerant of cross-dressing without advertising on specific sites. If you are honest though, you might readily find a woman who loves you without having to lie to her constantly, without treating her with contempt and taking away her choices. Maybe even your wife.

ReineD

03-25-2019, 02:49 PM

Of course, I took that as a compliment but wasn't sure exactly what it means. Any ideas?

It means your legs are shaved. Nothing more, other than the fact that men don't tend to put weight on their legs as women do. More women put on weight in the thighs as they age, also ankles become thicker. Not males so much. And I think more men have well developed calves due to general larger muscle mass in males.

Put all these things together and you get a male middle-aged leg that women used to have when they were younger. :)

If you compare young male legs to young female legs, there shouldn't be much difference other than size (taller and larger male means larger leg), whether the male is a crossdresser or not. :)

Sure, there are women who can live with it, but, most just as soon her husband stop or worse dump him out the door.

How do you know this. The majority of women do stay. In fact there was a study in the 90s that showed two-thirds of women do tolerate it (to varying degrees of approval depending on how much time and money the husband devotes to the crossdressing). I should think that with all the internet info we have now, this number would only increase.

There are so many other variables. If she was told at the onset of their relationship, the greater the chances of approval or tolerance. Also the longer the couple is married, the more complicated it is to unwind their lives. Are they deeply in love or have they become indifferent toward one another with time. Are there children and grandchildren? That said, if they're young and the wife feels she has her whole life ahead of her to build a family with someone else, then she might consider divorce. But I think that most men figure out the crossdressing is here to stay closer to middle age. By then, the husband's and wife's lives are deeply intertwined.

If they do divorce over the crossdressing, then they likely would eventually divorce over any of the common issues in marriages - infidelity or other betrayals, money issues, much arguing, unrealistic expectations, lack of intimacy, lack of equality, weight gain.

The question this article sparked in me is whether there is an acceptable time or circumstance when it is alright to "lie by omission"

Not in my view. I would feel utterly betrayed if my SO had kept an important facet of himself from me. I would feel as if our life and commitment toward each other had been a lie.

Cave in and waste away his true identity or continue his activities.

True identity, or a facet of yourself. Does this mean that who you are to your wife is a total lie?

If you tell her and she divorces you, it will be because you've lied - not because of the crossdressing.

Last, please read this again:

In the circumstances you are describing however, absolutely not. If you are CDing at a frequency that involves deception, including evasiveness, about time or money that would otherwise be available for mutual choice in a relationship, its not ethical. Not murder or assault or domestic violence level unethical, but at least moral cowardice.

Paige Dehart

03-25-2019, 07:49 PM

Stephanie47, For me lying is lying. A lie by omission is still a lie. You can not have a loving, strong, open, and accepting relationship if you lie.
You ask about shielding a wife from cross dressing activities, the problem with that is that eventually you will be found out and then there is almost always problems. Every relationship is different, of course, but being lied to is one of the hardest things for most women to get over. Trust once broken is very hard if not impossible to rebuild.

ellbee

03-26-2019, 06:03 AM

Okay, perhaps a silly question, and it's not an "attack" or anything on any GG's...

But oftentimes I'll read about (and not just here) how the wives/GF's of these CD'ers have felt they've been lied to, felt they've been betrayed, how it affects them, etc.

IOW, quite often it at least publicly *comes across* as though they're looking at it all very one-sided -- i.e. *their* side of the story. That it's all about the GG, and what the man in their life has "done to them" via his CD'ing.

And my question is: Do you ever feel some sympathy/empathy & even try to put yourself in *his* heels? ( :heehee: )

If you stop & think about it, at least from the CD'er's perspective, it is all a bit "quirky," to say the least.

Though imagine if *you* had this overwhelming & pretty much unexplainable need & drive throughout your life, to dress as, to present as, to emulate as, to "pass" as, to participate as, etc., a member of the opposite sex (in your case, a guy!).

Wouldn't it kinda mentally "mess you up," at least a bit? Could you imagine how *that* must feel?

What would you do? Would you try to fight it & quit, perhaps repeatedly, in attempt to be more "normal", to make it all go away & never come back? Would you embrace it? Would you try to hide it from others -- even as it's continually trying to burst forth & you have this need to be seen in public, to simply do what "normal" people do & share this part of you with others?

What would your family say? Your friends? Your co-workers? Your neighbors? And how would you approach dating/relationships/your marriage to a hetero male -- if at all?

Obviously this is more of a hypothetical... In which case, you should consider yourselves fortunate, at least on some levels. :)

But pretend for a moment or three, that you *truly* are this way.

What would you like your life to be like -- and what might real-world reality actually dictate?

Anyway, I understand that the GG's being here, in & of itself, is a form of trying wrap your head around this CD'ing stuff. And for that, is to be applauded.

But I'm just asking of you to visualize & mentally take it one step further -- on a much more firsthand level... :devil:

Many thanks! :)

char GG

03-27-2019, 10:00 AM

Elbee:
Communication is two sided, it can’t happen alone. Sometimes it’s not about the “dressing” but behaviors that come with the dressing that SO’s may be objecting to. There are too many scenarios and every relationship is different. Some CDers are upfront right away, some wait till after marriage, some wait 20 years after marriage. Every one has their reasons or self justification. Patterns of behaviors have been established and without communication, things may spiral out of control.

Your question seems to be more of a statement of how CDers feel rather than a question that one person can answer. I guess there would be a different comment from every GG. To get a true picture of what (I think) you really want to know, you may have to ask all of the SO’s that have objections, reservations, or are in the dark and know something is wrong but not sure what it is.

Sorry I can’t be of more help.

MoGG

03-28-2019, 05:32 PM

And my question is: Do you ever feel some sympathy/empathy & even try to put yourself in *his* heels? ( :heehee: )
I have to admit when I saw this question I thought, oh, why bother responding to this guy, he won’t read it properly? But, as Char said, communication is a two-way street. I am trying to accept what I see as contempt and hostility may be something else, and maybe this is an honest question. So I will try and answer in good faith.

First of all, no woman on here objects to the cross-dressing in itself and we’ve all said it multiple times. None of us think that men cross-dressing “does” anything to us. Some of us have expressed discomfort, sadness, or even anger at behaviour that is connected to cross-dressing. Other women might feel differently but they aren’t here to answer.

I am not angry that my husband didn’t disclose he was a cross-dresser, because as even he admitted, he knew I would be fine with that. I am angry he lies to me about coming home late from work ( ironically leaving me with the traditional women’s duties such as childcare ) and angry that when I was putting all my money into the joint account he wanted, budgeting hard for our house deposit, letting him question every book and coffee purchase of mine, he was diverting some of that money to a secret account to hide his purchasing of frilly underthings and other stuff he didn’t want me to know about. It’s not that he thinks I would stop him having free time or buying things, he just can’t get over trying to hide it - yet as the arrangements are hidden I don’t get to arrange fair free time or luxuries for me. I wouldn’t normally go into so much detail but there are clearly CDs obfuscating about what lying really means. It is not just about your freedom of expression, it affects our lives and choices and freedoms too.

Clearly I am, however, trying to understand the shame that lead him to hide things unnecessarily and be empathetic - we are still together and I still love him. I want to love him as he really is though. I think one of the problems with any major deception in a marriage is that the deceiver not only makes the deceived feel insecure and uncertain and hurt, but also takes away their ability to love freely and so the deceiver will also never feel secure. If you think your spouse won’t love you as you are, you don’t trust your spouse to love you.

You speak as if we have no idea how hard admitting being a crossdresser is for you. All humans understand something of shame - it’s hardly limited to cross-dressing. It was hard for me to introduce my parents to my first girlfriend, and it didn’t go particularly well either. A friend lost touch with the majority of her family when she came out as lesbian. My grandmother lost contact with hers when she divorced and left the Catholic Church. Also every trans woman that has come out has shared some of those experiences. Yes, women are rarely cross-dressers, but to anyone questioning our ability to understand how difficult it can be to be true to oneself should make an effort to listen to women more or read more books by women.

I find it interesting that you think the GGs don’t seem to have any empathy for CDs, because I often think the reverse of several members. Do you think CDs complaining we don’t wear the clothes they like, prioritising their fantasy above our preferences and taste, are treating woman as real people? How about the members who claim feminism has gone too far and women behave too much like men, all while wishing their feminine presentation were more respected? The members who insist that their own personal fantasy of being a vapid halfwit has some connection to the reality of how women actually are? How about the people who imply that women should be grateful for being harassed, because in their fantasies of being a woman they enjoy it? Honestly, some of the men on here sound like they hate women just for being women. All of the other, clearly much nicer women than me on here, seem to rebuff this gently and elegantly, again and again. But you think we sound selfish for wanting some respect in a relationship. How about we all try and be a bit more empathetic here?

03-29-2019, 08:31 AM

I was reluctant to answer your question but for another reason. I can not answer for the women not on the forum ( the wives we read about from posters in m2f)
I would say most the GGs here of have sympathy and empathy as they come here for help looking to understand and hear about the shame and hiding many endured ....and afraid to tell their partner.
And many of us are here for yrs to help new GGs when they come for answers.
I think we do try our best to see it from the cders perspective and this question is preaching to the choir.
But I’d you are talking about years and not explaining an overwhelming need and drive ( as you put it) that’s inexcusable and selfish.

ReineD

03-29-2019, 01:56 PM

IOW, quite often it at least publicly *comes across* as though they're looking at it all very one-sided -- i.e. *their* side of the story. That it's all about the GG, and what the man in their life has "done to them" via his CD'ing.

Think of a relationship as a contract of sorts. There's a departure point, and normal variances are expected with the passage of time. Variances such as aging, weight change, deepening character traits, and any other change normally brought about with time. However, gender is THE fundamental premise of the initial contract. Girl meets boy and expects to spend rest of life with boy. Girl didn't agree to spend the rest of her life with another girl. And this works both ways. Her husband (if honest), might not agree to spend the rest of his life with a guy should his wife, years down the road, desire to be one. Last, I should think there are more GGs who are flexible on that point than guys are. They might tolerate the situation, with varying degrees of boundaries, rather than leave. Personally, I support my SO unconditionally with his desire to accumulate clothing and present as a woman. My boundaries are hormones and/or invasive surgery.

Though imagine if *you* had this overwhelming & pretty much unexplainable need & drive throughout your life, to dress as, to present as, to emulate as, to "pass" as, to participate as, etc., a member of the opposite sex (in your case, a guy!).

Then I would have felt an obligation to tell my partner about, in your words, an "overwhelming & pretty much unexplainable need & drive throughout my life" at the ONSET of our relationship so that he or she could make an informed decision about a lifetime commitment. Not years into it, after my heterosexual spouse had agreed to spend his or her life with a member of the opposite sex.

But I repeat, I should think there are more GGs who are flexible about this than there are guys. Hetero guys tend to be more homophobic than women.

confused_cathreen

03-29-2019, 02:46 PM

When two adults enter a relationship, there is the normal "get to know eachother" period where both tentatively assess whether the other person is worth our time. We assess whether their looks are acceptable, their character somehow compatible, their values similar etc etc. We all expect certain things to change, especially in the appearance department. As time goes by, trust gets established so we start opening up about the inner workings of our brains. What turns us on, excites us, angers us, frustrates us, our hopes and dreams and where we see our relationship heading. We all have shortcomings, noone is perfect. And as I always said, it's a matter of whether the shortcomings are of the kind that the other person can live with. Honesty is a non-negotiable at this stage as the other person starts investing at this point. Now, I am not preaching this, I live and breathe it. I was upfront with my partner about certain shortcomings of mine that would be deal-breakers for a lot of people. Things that I wasn't exactly proud of. But I did him the courtesy of letting him make his decision before either one of us was invested in our relationship. And he always appreciated and demanded total honesty from me. He didn't do me the same courtesy. And you are asking whether I can empathise with his position? I am afraid I can't. When you demand honesty from your partner, you better be ready to do the same first. Otherwise, you abdicate on any right to expect an honest relationship. And this is not a ground ANY relationship can be built on, not just a sexual partnership. When your partner stands open and emotionally naked and vulnerable in front of you and you play hide and seek behind her back, remember this: what goes around, comes around. Loss of trust is the one thing that will kill any relationship, not the crossdressing. If you have trouble accepting yourself and your need for secrecy is so big, stay single. Don't drag some innocent woman through this. Do the work needed to begin a relationship honestly. And since I saw that most of you knew this was a thing for you before you got married, no empathy for the lying you felt "obligated" to feed your partners. Understand this: crossdressing is NOT illegal. But it's not your partner's responsibility to make you see that. It's fully yours. Doubt all my long text will make any difference when self-loathing and denial is so strong and a lot of you suffer from the ostrich syndrome. But remember that the crossdressing is NOT what you do to your partners. It's all of the above which exposes you as not trustworthy and therefore, impossible to invest in. And for your partners, who have exposed themselves to you completely and trusted you with their lives,all your justification sounds false and empty. You did ask.

Bea_

04-25-2019, 07:16 AM

Have any of the GG's here helped with with or actually done the makeup for their SO? It seems like it could be a very intimate act (not necessarily sexual). Do any women see it as such?

04-25-2019, 09:09 AM

In my And Sherlyns case Sher was the makeup expert .
Many yrs in a previous marriage that was mostly all she could do- she would lock herself in the bathroom In pretense of a long soak in the tub but was putting makeup on .
She was an expert after many yrs.
So she did mine but I On occasion did her hair / make fancy updos ,put it in rollers, braid it and whatever I came up with. We would do each other’s nails , facials , massage and basically have spa days. But Sherlyn was an expert on makeup and I pretty much wear lippy and out the door. I’m lucky that way.
Our spa days started out me showing her things I liked and they were rare perhaps a snowed in day but never expected . If we both were in the mood.

Want to add / I have seen where some cds demand their wife do their makeup. That’s a big no no to me....because it becomes a chore and for goodness sake learn to do it yourself.

char GG

04-25-2019, 10:21 AM

My husband does his own makeup. My style is “less is more”, my SO wants makeup to show up in pictures so the makeup is more dramatic.

I would not see it as an intimate moment and neither would my husband.

confused_cathreen

04-26-2019, 04:27 AM

The answer is no. Not something that I was or ever would be interested in and certainly not something that has been filed under "intimate" activities between myself and partners. Walking arm in arm under an umbrella during a rainy night on the other hand...

ReineD

05-01-2019, 01:07 PM

When we first got together we thought it would be fun to do "girly" things together. But we discovered it just felt weird when I painted my SO's toenails. The reality is that adult women do not groom each other. Teenage girls maybe - although I've never participated in mutual grooming sessions with female friends, not even as a young girl - but grown women? No. Also, I'm not big on makeup. I know how to do my own (basic foundation, a bit of blush and mascara) but I would have no idea how to properly do someone else's with a completely different coloring than my own, especially a male who wants to soften male features. I did say once that I thought my SO's blush was the wrong coloring (it just stuck out on my SO's face), but that's about it.

I also would not see this activity as intimate, not between hetero couples. I suspect it's not even an intimate thing between young girls first experimenting with makeup, no more intimate than talking on the phone for hours about all the boys at their school.

ReineD

05-01-2019, 01:48 PM

I'm intimate with my SO's soul or spirit, not my SO's clothes or makeup. It doesn't matter how my SO looks or what my SO wears. Really, doing makeup does not enhance intimacy. I do not see a "female" or "male" side in my SO. My SO is just my SO who presents male most of the time and occasionally presents as female. Mutually sharing our deepest inner truths and having no secrets builds the intimacy in our relationship, which we do in male mode since my SO presents male most of the time.

cdsamswife

05-02-2019, 12:50 AM

Hi Bea,
Yes I have done the makeup for my husband when he dresses multiple times. I don't have the time for it now since we have a baby at home but it definitely did feel special... Im not sure it was an intimate thing though.... It was fun for me... I like trying different techniques that will make his face seem more feminine (shout out to ru pauls drag race)... and I like doing it because it is so different than my own makeup... not to mention i don't like putting on makeup on myself cuz i then have to take it off which is annoying for me.... but on my husband... i can play around without having the hassle of removing it :)

Bea_

05-02-2019, 07:14 AM

Thank you to those that answered my question. I think that there was a bit of disconnect over what 'intimate' might mean in the question so I'll try to clarify.

My wife has never been one to leave the house without her makeup being perfect. She's very good at it and has done special event makeup for other ladies multiple times over the years (weddings, proms, etc...).

I really have no interest in wearing makeup on a daily basis. But, I would love to have several sessions with her and have her do various levels of makeup, from "male news anchor" to "tasteful glam' (I'm not the over the top type). Since we both much prefer me with a beard, I am not trying to pass. The goal for me would be just plain experimentation. The fantasy would be for her to be eager to please me rather than to reluctantly appease me.

The intimate part of the equation, as the receiver, would be much like being the receiver of a long slow non-sexual massage (given by the SO). Even bringing an unexpected cup of coffee to the SO in bed would be a small intimate act in my mind. Even if sex isn't the goal or the end result, the act of having someone give time and attention in that way fits my idea of intimacy.

Does that clarify or make sense to anyone?

Robbiegirl

05-02-2019, 10:16 AM

I never told my wife about my interest in crossdressing before we were married but thought I gave her enough of a clue, what do you think ?
BTW I am known for my great sense of humor.

She had just finished showering and as always was walking in and out of the bathroom in a lacy white matching bra and panty set with a towel wrapped around her head. When she closed the door I noticed a folded pile of her laundry with the same lacy Bra and panty set on top and I thought to put them on. Since she is curvy the set fit a bit too well and with socks to fill out the bra and a towel on my head I was good to go. I walked in and stood next to her and asked to borrow her curling iron. She totally lost it and almost fell over laughing. She then chased me around the apartment with nail polish.

I think some women here may not realize but Believe me for a guy to put on silky panties and a lacy bra takes alot of courage ! So since most guys would never do this do you think I gave her a big enough hint ?

char GG

05-02-2019, 11:32 AM

Hi Bea,
Thanks for the clarification. However, it sounds like your fantasy is more of an intimate moment for you. It would be up to her if she feels it is an intimate moment for her. For me, .... sorry, it would still not be an intimate moment.

Hi Robbiegirl,
"Hinting" is not telling and/or having a discussion. You said yourself that "BTW I am known for my great sense of humor". Since that is the case, my thinking would be that she thought you were just joking around.

An analogy would be something like: If before you were married, she brought home a brochure about France. After you were married, she wanted to know when you were both moving to France. You would wonder "Whaaaat??" Then she mentions that she thought you knew because she brought home the brochure (hint hint).

In instances that are important, a discussion is necessary. "Hinting" around or "clues" would not make it a reality.

So Newbie

05-11-2019, 09:08 AM

Reine D-
I could not have said that any better and totally agree. I have never been interested in 'grooming' my best girlfriend. Again its not something I think adult women think is fun. We would much rather go to a spa and have it done to us together, lol.

Wifeling GG

05-13-2019, 02:05 PM

Hi Robbie Girl,

I think when it comes to something that can be as emotive and sensitive as the fine art of cross dressing that anything this side of hitting your significant other over the head with a sledge hammer is too subtle.

Seriously, cross dressing is an emotive subject and it may be just something you do in your head but not exactly the 'norm' in your significant other's experience. When you are serious about a relationship you have to play all your cards up front, be totally honest, and show all sides of who you are or you aren't being true to yourself or fair to your prospective lady.

abbiedrake

05-15-2019, 03:58 AM

I have to say it feels like juggling landmines having my wife in here now. But Anyhoo...
Elsewhere this morning I joked that Char may have fallen foul of the Pink Fog. You know me by now, crack wise or go home, but it did set the tiny (so so tiny!) cogs in my head whirring.
Crossdressing is often associated with shame and embarrassment but us faux-ladies can't be the only ones with cadavers in our walk-in. I've described my first year of crossdressing as condensed female adolescence in terms of finding a femme style. This is not something you GGs are immune to. Us CDs in particular notice.
So, spill, ladies, what are those fashion choices that make you shudder in hindsight? When did you make Beetlejuice look like a runway model? Have you ever turned anyone's hair white? If you can, try to make them NOT related to lamentable past fashions. I don't think those purple loon pants are gonna be met with anything but embarrassment these days! 😁
Ta muchly.

Wifeling GG

05-15-2019, 08:55 AM

Something I've never told you dear, I've worn a dress with hoop skirts more than once. It was the very early 80s in Baltimore when the company I worked for had a formal evening that i was required to attend so three of us wore full dresses with under skirts and hoop skirts. And gloves. Yes. I said it. Picture Gone with the Wind. I named myself Scarlet Magnolia Belle

char GG

05-15-2019, 09:35 AM

Yes, Wifeling! I can appreciate your dealing with a hoop slip. What I didn't say in my post about my larger than life wedding dress was that it also required a hoop slip! They are a really weird invention. If the slip isn't adjusted just right when sitting, the entire mess will fly over the head of the wearer. I did have to practice wearing the contraption.

Robbiegirl

05-15-2019, 09:51 AM

Ladies thanks so much for sharing your Girly experiences with Wedding Gowns, Southern Belle Dresses and Hoops ! LOL

So with humans being the curious creatures that we are does it really surprise you that guys might think its fun to see how they would looks and feel swishing about in those fun outfits as you described ?

That being said I do think it would be a bit odd to have your husband walking about your house dolled up and knocking things over with his puffy dress and hoop. LOL

char GG

05-15-2019, 10:04 AM

I am assuming your question is:

So with humans being the curious creatures that we are does it really surprise you that guys might think its fun to see how they would looks and feel swishing about in those fun outfits as you described ?

Not sure that it's that much fun! (LOL). More like FUNNY.

Wifeling GG

05-15-2019, 10:33 AM

Definitely far more funny than fun!

confused_cathreen

05-16-2019, 11:19 AM

So, spill, ladies, what are those fashion choices that make you shudder in hindsight? When did you make Bettlejuice look like a runway model? Have you ever turned anyone's hair white? If you can, try to make them NOT related to lamentable past fashions. I don't think those purple loon pants are gonna be met with anything but embarrassment these days! 😁
Ta muchly.

Abbie, I grew up in the 80s. The decade of Madonna and Dynasty. Most girls my age tried the fingerless gloves, leg warmers and big hair look. But after a couple of times, I was back to my trusted jeans, t shirts and Dr Martin's boots. Which is a timeless gender neutral look, even today. So can't really say I have many fashion disasters in my closet. There was never any need to oversexualise myself, I was confident in my sexuality and it showed in the fact that boys were attracted to me. It's difficult to get across to a group of crossdressers how it feels to be completely at peace with how you look and never to have a need to diverge from it. Going through a dressing puberty was never a problem for me, I didn't feel I needed to blend in or stick out from my peers. If I was happy with how I looked in the mirror, off I went. Never spent more than 20 mins deciding what to wear since my default costume was t-shirt, jeans and boots of some sort. Makes life a lot simpler and even today, I have waaaaaay too many things to worry about and do to waste them on clothes. I am sure if I look at pics of me 30 years from now,I will feel like I dressed my age and pretty classic.

So just to be clear its only FUNNY when its a Guy in a Frilly Hoop Dress ?

It's just plain funny whoever wears it. It would certainly make me laugh, in a "what were you thinking?" way. I wouldn't be caught dead in something like this, but this is my personal taste. Your taste is evidently different. As I said above, I have way too many things to do than waste my time trying to slip into something that has 30 layers and 5 miles of net wrapped around it. FUN for me is a bbq at a friend's garden on a sunny day, eating good food, drinking good wine and enjoying people's company. Call me old-fashioned if you want but I appreciate people more than inanimate objects.

Robbiegirl

05-24-2019, 12:56 PM

Ladies if you discovered your S.O. wearing some of your clothes that he was suppose to give to the Goodwill how do you think you would react. This would be a situation that occurred early in your discovery of his odd Hobby of playing dressup ?

Early on in our relationship after I had put on her lingerie in the bedroom on several occasions the following incedent happened. My wife had a few small piles of clothes lined up for the Goodwill. Right next to my pile of clothes she put 3 lacy bra and bikini panty sets from Maidenform. She had seen me model these before so knew they fit and I enjoyed wearing them. Since we really never discussed much my funny habit I just assumed it was her way of saying hey i know you like these frilly items so take them. So i kept them and took the other stuff to the goodwill.

Well about a month later she came home early and discovered me in her prettiest set the baby blue ones and was shocked. When I told her I had thought she had left them for me she gave me a look that said Have you lost your mind ! Was i in the wrong ? Did I not give her enough clues ? Don't women realize that its almost impossible for guys like us to resist getting into Panties & Bras

char GG

05-24-2019, 03:00 PM

Oh Robbie, Robbie, Robbie,
Never assume "leaving clues" is going to be acceptable. I think the best way to communicate is to flat out say what you are thinking. Like, "I would like to keep some of the things you left out for Goodwill".

I had a stretchy sequin dress that I was going to take to a consignment shop. My husband did ask if I minded if he tried it on. It was short on him but he wanted to keep it which was fine with me. However, he did ask in advance.

ReineD

05-26-2019, 03:31 PM

but thought I gave her enough of a clue, what do you think ?

This was not a clue. Lots of guys dress as women on a lark without being CDers.

So with humans being the curious creatures that we are does it really surprise you that guys might think its fun to see how they would looks and feel swishing about in those fun outfits as you described ?

I completely understand. Of course CDers think it's much more fun to wear ladies' fashions (any ladies' fashions) than do GGs. For most of us most of the time, clothes are rather utilitarian. We dress for the occasion (nice dress for a special occasion, office wear during the week, casual clothes at home or for doing errands) but we don't get thrills out of it like you do.

Ladies if you discovered your S.O. wearing some of your clothes that he was suppose to give to the Goodwill how do you think you would react.

I would see this as having gone behind my back, which is a form of lying. I would be disappointed that he hadn't been up front with me at the time and told me that he wanted to keep the clothes. I would think that he lacked courage.

So, spill, ladies, what are those fashion choices that make you shudder in hindsight?

Nothing really. I've always dressed according to the times. Tie-dies in the 60s, disco-wear in the 70s, big hair and shoulder pads in the 80s. These things didn't seem out of place then, even if they might look out of place now. Or if not out of place, they certainly would date someone.

Have you ever noticed how old ladies tend to stick with styles that were popular when they were young? lol