Reading too much into wife's joke?

[Anne van D]

My wife and I were watching TV tonight and halfway through the show, she tossed me the remote and said, jokingly, "You're the man, take the remote."

I told my wife not too long ago that I want to wear women's clothes. Right now, she can only handle me underdressing--and even that has taken time and heartache to get that far.

Also, in our marriage, I do all of the laundry, the dishes, most of the cooking, cleaning, and grocery shopping. So, in many ways I'm filling what once were considered female tasks in a traditional family.

We also have had conversations in the past two days about nurturing sick kids and the mother instinct that she said I wouldn't understand.

I know you can't really say, because you weren't there, but I'm curious what you all think. Was she making a veiled comment about cross dressing, or was it a more innocent joke about traditional male/female roles?

[Becky Blue]

hard to know from afar, i know my wife uses humour to sometimes show her displeasure about something I may have done. How did you land up doing all the housework? I presume that happened before you told her about your crossdressing?

[Anne van D]

It's something I've pretty much done from the beginning of our marriage. We used to split the jobs a little more, but once we had kids, she was usually exhausted from taking care of them all day and I would step in and help where I could.

[natalie edwards]

Seems like nothing. If you were dressed and she told you you do it you're wearing the dress then that would be a joke/comment about crossdressing.

[NicoleScott]

It doesn't sound like a comment about crossdressing. More like the stereotype that men control the TV remote.

[Stacy Darling]

I don't have an answer except for this "take the remote and say I am the man" ( just bend the truth a bit for now( don't lie though) ) good chance she's having a go at you but stick with it, and Her!

There's nothing wrong with doing household work either, I'm a fulltime housewife ( well the born a male version ) and would be more ashamed if I didn't do it. You may even find that you will gain a massive amount of respect from the women around you when they know that you can perform all those "Womanly tasks", this is from experience! Don't expect anything positive from most men though, No disrespect to the good ones.

One last thing, cook to feed your soul just as you would dress to feed your soul272699 Century eggs.

Wearing a frock was one step for me, and I probably shouldn't start sharing recipes here either!

Stacy.

[Meghan4now]

Could be either, or even both. Regardless, just let it roll. Unless she made a huge deal about it. And guess what sometimes she might make jokes about CDing, or sometimes snarky comments. You should be aware of these, but don't put too much in them.

Most couples will snipe at each other once in a while about things they are less enthused about. This might be one of many for her. As long as it isn't abusive then I wouldn't worry about it.

[April T]

Obviously we don't know the personal dynamics of your relationship but my guess is you're reading too much into an innocent comment.

[Linda E. Woodworth]

I agree with most of the girls here that it's an innocent remark made concerning the stereotypical male dominating the remote control.

I wouldn't read anything more than that in it.

[JeanTG]

Well we don't watch TV anymore but we do watch movies and I'm usually the one with the remote. I'm also the one that looks after the cars. She cooks, but I do the house cleaning. In many ways I'm still comfortable in traditional male roles and it occurred to me recently that even if I'm TG leaning towards my female side, I still have enough of a male side that if I totally transitioned to female, I would be nearly as unhappy with my gender role as I am now unhappy about being unable to express femininity openly. Sometimes the male role is simply the path of least resistance. But mostly, suppressing the female side takes MUCH effort. So much of my life revolves around trying to strike a balance between the two. I'd say 1/4 to 1/3 male, 2/3 to 3/4 female would be about right. Alas I'm not quite there yet thanks to DADT.

As for the comment from your wife, I wouldn't try to read too much into it just yet. But if you see these kinds of comments occurring frequently she might be quietly trying to shore up your male identity. My wife would often do that, most often through desire. But since the change of life, alas, not so much anymore which is probably why my female side has come out more.

[CONSUELO]

You should have taken the remote and immediately and randomly changed channels, then hit a button that turned off TV and put on a blank screen, randomly hit all sorts of buttons causing flashing mayhem on the screen and then fumbled the remote so that it fell behind the sofa.

Following that you would look at her and act helplessly. That would have rounded out the joke very nicely. Another nice touch would have had you bursting into crocodile tears.

[SherriePall]

Everyone knows that the clicker is a male-oriented appliance. I still control ours and that's the way it should be! Of course, most of the time it is while I am underdressed. And then I stopped going through the channels when I reach one of those women's talk shows.

[Joanne Curl]

We have a ironclad don't talk about "it" arrangement. Even if something about crossdressing is right in front of her she absolutely ignors it. I do too because she nevers likes to talk about me being a crossdresser. I thinks she assumes that I'm in full crossdresser mode whenever I have a private moment to myself. She'd also be right in that assumption

[Glenda]

I think it was more likely that there wasn't anything good on TV that she was interested in watching so she gave it to you to choose whatever you wanted. Everything doesn't always have a secret meaning.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Wantingp:hugs:, It is really amazing where a Crossdressers mind can wander sometimes...:daydreaming:...

[Anne van D]

Thanks, all, for responding. Since nothing new has come up about it, I think it was a joke about what men typically do, not some underhanded dig at me not being manly. I've never had to have control of the remote in our marriage. I used to not watch a lot of TV, but my wife loves it and I enjoy spending time with her, so we watch TV together - her shows. There are only a few of them that I can't stand and won't watch with her, but I too have some she doesn't like, so I watch them alone.

By the way, Stacy, I love great food and sometimes actually enjoy cooking meals (when I'm not exhausted and have to do it). Are those century eggs? I'm pretty adventurous, but I'm not sure I could eat those. They look pretty!

[Lori Kurtz]

I think you're right to conclude that it was not a big deal. But I do hope your wife realizes how lucky she is to have a husband/wife like you!

[DIANEF]

My wife often makes remarks that as someone in the closet I could take the wrong way, examples are asking if I want her to do my nails when she does hers, saying a dress she saw in a shop would look better on me than her, when dropping some crumbs down her front asking if me I hate it when you get bits in your bra. I've learned not to read too much into it, but it does make wonder sometimes how much she does know.