A little advise

[Jessica May]

Hi all,
So I'm thinking of going out dressed for the first time. Me, my wife, and friends are going to a drag show this upcoming weekend and one of the friends knows about me although never seen it and the other does not. One friend is accepting and very open minded so its been good to have someone else to talk to about it. I'm not sure if its the right time to do it or if my other friend will be accepting/not spreading it all over the world. (Officially only (2) people know about Jess.) So any thoughts? Is this a bad idea? I'm kind of taking baby steps with this.

All the best,
Jess:)

[StephanieM]

I'd say if you're going to a drag show you could always play it off that this is solely for that event if you aren't comfortable coming out.

[Dana44]

I think that going out with friends and your wife would be very nice and if your friends are accepting then it would be a nice way to introduce yourself.

[AllieSF]

I believe that only you can answer your own question and the way to do that is to let the people joining you know beforehand that you will be dressed as a woman. Why take the risk of maybe shocking them at the moment? Tell them ahead of time and you will find out your true answer. We do not know anything about the one person that does not know about your dressing. How can we tell if that person will accept or reject it? Let them know ahead of time, if that other person takes objection to it, it may be a softer reaction than to have it thrown in her face in a surprised manner. Food for thought?

[KristinaK]

I'd say if you're going to a drag show you could always play it off that this is solely for that event if you aren't comfortable coming out.

I think it's a great excuse if you aren't sure if they will be accepting or not. I used halloween as an excuse for many years before I accepted it in myself that it was ok during the rest of the year.

[deebra]

Jess I think it's a bad idea, go as a male with your friends and check it out; then go next week with just your wife in fem. That way you won't end up with "panties on your face", (not egg) and all your friends will know and it will be bad.

[Becky Blue]

Jess, what does your wife think about you going enfemm for the first time... I would be very influenced either way by her.

[Aunt Kelly]

What Becky said. Ask your wife these questions. They're her friends and she'll be able to judge their possible reactions.

FWIW, depending on the friends and the venue, this may or may not be a good first outing. If the friends are truly cool and supportive, it might be a very positive experience. You'll be the center of attention for all the right reasons. On the other hand, if one of them is not, it may be a long and awkward night. Same goes for the venue. If staff and performers appreciate and welcome CD's in the audience, you might be in for a fabulous time. And on the other hand, if the girls in the chorus start whispering and pointing, and laughing, it gets kind of weird.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Jessica May:hugs:, You know if you don't go you will be kicking yourself next week...:daydreaming:...

[Lana Mae]

As Becky said, talk to your wife and get her in on this! Then make your decision! IMHO Hugs Lana Mae

[Jessica May]

Thanks all some good things to think about. My wife actually prompted my thoughts on this. She asked me if I wanted to go dressed and basically until she said something I hadn't really thought about it. Just some background its and annual thing that we went to last year also and is sponsored by the LGBT center so its a pretty friendly/fun environment. Definitely wouldn't just show up that way and would tell them first. Lots to think about.

All the best, Jess :)

[phili]

I'd also call the venue and see if CDs are welcome- as the whole idea of drag is to make it campy- poking fun - kind of a blackface show, which contrasts with you being serious about it- different feeling- and you are either doing drag or being a woman and participating from that point of view.

[Beverley Sims]

I strongly advise get your wife on side first.

Then, go for it. :-)

[docrobbysherry]

U don't mention if many trans/CD's have attended this event in the past? If not, u MAY feel very odd being the only one there. In my experience, the drag show/events I've attended that weren't headlined as Trans Nite also were not populated with trans/CD's.

If I were u, I wouldn't pick this as my "first time out" event!:sad:

[Helen_Highwater]

Yep get your wife on board first, that's a must. As a way of avoiding any out and out shock to your friends why not suggest you all go in drag, a bit of an, "I will if you will" thing. If they say no call 'em chicken and do it anyway. Then perhaps don't make too good a job of it if you're not prepared to be outed. You may be able to better judge your other friends reaction.

[rachelatshop]

Hi Jess, I went to a drag show with my wife and my gay nephew (he wanted us to come) (only my wife knows of my cross dressing) and I was in drab as my wife doesn't wish for me to go out. There were a lot of regular people there and a few guys in a dress and a few other cross dressers. I didn't notice any direct nasty comments, but there was a lot of laughing and snide remarks. I would not have found it a good place to come out.

[Joyce Swindell]

Well....my opinion is quite different from many others. My wife is very accepting and encouraging. I would get my wife's ok and have her back up my story. You could say that it was a conversation between you and your wife and somehow it turned into a challenge from her saying you didn't have the ????? (stamina for heels/guts to go out that way....etc) and that way you can be male in a dress or if the challenge is to pass then it'll just be practice for you and you might get advise/incite from friends observations. Plus it would be fun!! Who knows....maybe a new tradition for an annual drag show event that everyone comes in drag??!?!!!

[Jessica May]

Thanks Everyone,
My wife is generally supportive but we are both new at this. She has always backed me up and been my rock. We talked about it a bit and we are still deciding if this is the right time mainly do to possible questions from friends. Maybe just her and I will go out somewhere first before involving others. Kind of weighing the pros and cons there and she has been really helpful by siting the good and the bad and asking all the right questions. Will probably be talking with my one friend who knows and make sure that it wouldn't bother them and potentially talk to the other one depending on the results more or less to test the waters a bit. There is definitely a mix of people that attend so some CD some trans so I think the Venue would be ok. Just don't want to take away from it being a fun evening with friends and put pressure on anyone. My friends are pretty great and I don't want to make anything difficult. I will let you all know. Thanks again for the advice and being a great sounding board!

All the best,
Jess