maybe I don't belong in this club

[audreyinalbany]

I guess this is meant for the other hetero/non transitioning/non gender dysphoric crossdressers out there...I read a lot of posts on here about the sensations of crossdressing..."it just feels so right"...."love the feeling of slipping on stockings or heels"...'the wind blowing up my skirt"....you get the picture.
Now here's my question: i (obviously)like crossdressing as much as the next guy (gal), but, to me, it's just fun and satisfying.it doesn't necessarily 'complete me' although I have no inclination (or ability for that matter) to stop, but it's just kind of another thing that I do.It doesn't define me. Who is with me here? Who just enjoys crossdressing 'cause it's fun and it's just a personal quirk..nothing more,nothing less?

[Alex]

There are some here that feel as you do.

It is a really varied community and there are a lot of different thought processes and motivations. What we get out of it is different, too. There will be some people here like you, but most of them are different. I get varied perspectives coming here, but I think maybe only 1/4 (maybe less) are in situations that are similar to my own.

[Becky Blue]

Audrey, you are what you are, none one belongs here more or less. I was like you from age 12 to 40 when things changed dramatically for me. If you find the forum helpful or simply fun of course you belong here, as much as I do or anyone else for that matter.

[GaleWarning]

I am just like you, Audrey.

[Sarah Louise]

I think I'm not that disimilar to you. I don't feel like a girl when I dress but I love dressing up and looking like one. I do like the softer feel of the clothes though. In saying this, I did like the sensation of the cool wind on my hose-clad legs the other day, but I think that was just a reminder of what i was wearing.

I feel I belong on this forum so I think you should to.

[Tama]

Yea I too, relate to this topic...Thanks for bringing it up

[LaurenNZ]

Puts hand up - I understand exactly what you are saying Audrey.

[Kiwi Primrose]

Thanks for your posting Audrey, I feel exactly the same. I don't need therapy or well-meaning help to assist me, I just love the look and feel of the feminine dress of my chosen era - the 1940s and 50s.

[Stephanie47]

I think you kind of contradict yourself when you have no inclination (or ability for that matter) to stop. I can understand, if cross dressing is fun like many activities, then maybe you have no inclination to stop. However, if you have no ability to stop, does not suggest there is some other pull hindering your ability to stop? I've always have expressed my opinion there is a world of difference between the "why" question; "Why do I do what I do?" I cannot answer that question because I truly do not know. Oh, I have some unfounded conjectures, but, just conjecture. There is also the question "What do I get out of cross dressing?" Peace? Serenity? Relaxation? Why not seek those ends through other means?

[Tracii G]

Thats fine if you feel that way Audrey.
You fit here as well as anyone else.

[Nicki_D]

As with pretty much everything in life, it's all shades of grey - no black and white. This forum seems pretty useful and accepting for all shades of that spectrum. I am in a similar boat to you in that I know who I am and I'm not in any 'transition' but that doesn't mean I don't need help, support, cameraderie and inspiration :) Don't sweat it! (Although I DO love slipping on heels!)

[sometimes_miss]

However, if you have no ability to stop, does not suggest there is some other pull hindering your ability to stop?
We all have the ability to stop. The question becomes, how much mental discomfort are we willing to accept in order to do it?

And very, very few here have any clue as to why they crossdress. I'm one of the lucky ones who figured it out, and it took me decades to do it.


There is also the question "What do I get out of cross dressing?" Peace? Serenity? Relaxation? Why not seek those ends through other means?
Because the other means to the ends may simply not be available often enough. I was able to stop crossdressing completely for many years when I was in stable relationships with women. Sure, the urge would come on now and then, if I saw a cute outfit that I would have liked to wear, but the feeling was only for a few moments, and then out of my consciousness. Later in life, I kept the crossdressing desires at bay by spending time with lapdancers, getting my need for physical affection (not sex) filled there. But it's outrageously expensive, so it's not for everyone.
Reading all the stories online for the past oh, 25 years now, one thing that keeps coming up is that the urge to crossdress waxes and wanes for a lot of us, and in particular it's related to what else is going on in our lives. I have a hypothesis about this, that the desire is always there, but we keep it successfully repressed in our subconscious most of the time. Yet, when our minds become overwhelmed by other stressful events, we are unable to deal with all those problems as well as hold back the desire to crossdress at the same time, so it appears to come out of nowhere, almost monopolizing our conscious thoughts to the point where we have to do something about it; either go ahead and crossdress, or some other activity to keep our minds off of it. However, even if we temporarily use some other activity to actively suppress the desire to crossdress, if we are still under the stress of too many things going on in our lives, the desire to crossdress will come back with a vengeance, and we're back where we started.

[Lacey New]

Audrey,
I think we all have our differences about what our crossdressing means to us.. Some are more "into it" than others on this site. and sometimes I have asked myself if I belong here as well. All fair observations and questions. But for whatever reason, we all share one thing in common and that is from time to time, we enjoy wearing various articles of women's clothing. And I think that is primarily the quality that makes us part of the crossdressing community. And this is a very welcoming, broad minded community so relax, welcome and enjoy.

[Lisa Roberts]

I quit asking "why" years ago. I've learned to just enjoy the time I have to be feminine when the mood strikes.
Welcome Audrey!
Lace and Smiles,
Lisa

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Audrey:hugs:, The Diversity in this program is what makes it work for all of us...:daydreaming:...

[alwayshave]

Audrey, There are no rules about who is or how to crossdress. I do love the feel of stockings, etc., but I'm also a guy. Just flow with it.

[JocelynJames]

I'm not sure where I am on this. Many times I feel exactly like you, Audrey. Sometimes I wonder about all the things everyone here write about. I've decided it will run its course and be what it will be. Right now it's that it feels good and my wife accepts me and that's all I want- right now.

[Lana Mae]

Audrey, you belong as well as anyone else! There is great diversity in crossdressing and those who are part of it! I partially agree with you. Lana Mae is me but so is my male half and as with you crossdressing is something I do and enjoy. Hugs Lana Mae

[Laurana]

For me at this point it's just getting dressed. there's no sensual/sexual thrill to it. And I really don't think there ever was.

When I do get "dolled up"(makeup,wig,blouse,skirt etc) and look it the mirror it's not to see a girl it's just to make sure I look ok.

I'm "complete" whether naked or "dolled up". I am defined by WHO I am not WHAT I'm wearing.

[MartineCD]

Hi Audrey

I understand exactly where you are coming from. I am a hetero male husband and father with no gender dysphoria or need to transition. I feel no animosity to being male. If and when presented with the opportunity I 'prefer' to wear feminine clothing. It is no longer the compulsion it was when I first joined this site.

I love this forum for the fact that all are welcome from those who only wish to wear panties or stockings to those who are fully transgender and the infinite variety between.

To answer your final questions.

Yes, I'm with you
Yes, I enjoy it because it feels more comfortable (despite the high heels ;-p )

Take care

Martine x

[Tama]

I agree...I learn from all here, mostly about who or even what I am... It does help me to sort out many things I didn't have reference to before signing on here... I am grateful to all

[Tracii G]

The comments like slipping on hose and heels and wind blowing up my skirt are more your fetish dressers kind of lingo and I don't quite feel that way.
I'm TG and clothes are clothes to me no fetish or sexual thrill and never has been.
I feel I am in the wrong body gender wise so I deal with that by dressing to help me keep myself centered.
People dress for different reasons and thats just the way it is.

[Jean 103]

I’m not looking to start an argument but if you wear women’s clothes you have gender issues, just accept it and move on. (Much easier said than done) Everyone is different, we may have similar likes and dislikes, still when you get to the bottom line you will find no two are completely the same. I have seen it describe as a linear spectrum here. (This is how I see it) With like closeted people at one end and fully transitioned at the other end.
I’m pretty much full time with no plan on fully transitioning. I’m out and have roommates. So I find myself somewhere in the middle.
I have been off this site for a while. I’m back why? Lots of reasons. Yes I have to agree that much of what is discussed here is the same, but you can make a difference by starting a thread as you have done here.
Finally there is no right or wrong way to do this. Everyone’s situation is different. So your experiences may be the same but will still be different as they are unique to you. This is a place you can share your experiences and ideas.

[Tama]

I agree with you on that as well...I am not clear on the sexual fetish thing...hasn't been a thrill-ride for me that's for sure!

[KimberlyJean]

Audrey, there is no club, we are all travelers on a similar journey. How we get there and where we end up is different for most of us but if there is someone out there I can chat with on the way that makes it so much better.

[Ressie]

I understand, but there are other forum/chat sites that aren't my exact cup of tea either. I don't fit in with all the "how do I tell my wife" threads. I've been divorced and single for 14 years now. Maybe at least you've learned what other CDs are going through. Doesn't mean you have to go down the same road.

[Mickey_43]

Audrey, I doubt that you are in the minority on this one. Like you, at the end of the day I'm a happily married heterosexual male. Some days I just happen to be in a dress and I'm good with that. In looking at the thread listing a lot of the topics deal with others who are still looking for where they settle in the spectrum. It also looks like many don't fall under the dressing category. Nothing about sexual preference or gender identity interests me. Combined with the volume of threads of going out and/or "passing" I too feel uneasy. Still I keep coming back. Mostly because I've seen so many replies to topics just like this that made me realize that there is a silent majority who feel similar.

[docrobbysherry]

Audrey, I believe there r statistically more here like u than there r TS's. When I first arrived here I came to expect it was only a matter of time until my "fem side" showed herself!:battingeyelashes:
After 5 years I gave up waiting for her to appear!:sad:

I don't believe most of us have a "woman inside". Just don't refer to what we do as a "hobby", tho! U could get slapped around----:heehee:

[WandaRae2009]

You are not alone. There are a lot of us here that are crossdressers only. No plans to fully transition. It is fun and relaxing. It is part of me that is not going away.

[S. Lisa Smith]

Now here's my question: i (obviously)like crossdressing as much as the next guy (gal), but, to me, it's just fun and satisfying.it doesn't necessarily 'complete me' although I have no inclination (or ability for that matter) to stop, but it's just kind of another thing that I do.It doesn't define me. Who is with me here? Who just enjoys crossdressing 'cause it's fun and it's just a personal quirk..nothing more,nothing less?
Crossdressing doesn't define me any more than anything else does. Crossdressing is a part of me, but there are many parts. I feel no need to transition, nor to live full time as a nontransitioned woman. I love crossdressing and appearing as the woman I would have been had I been born a woman. I feel affirmed when I have breasts, butt and hips and I love the feeling. Affirmed, yes...completed, no. I think I may be like you, but the spectrum is so broad, I may be further along than you. I hope this all made sense...

[barbara gordon]

I think that crossdressing is like so many other things in life, in that each person has their own experience. That experience for each also has different degrees of depth and frequency . This "club" as you describe is full of so many that like to wear feminine things ,thats the common shared thing. Beyond that there probably are no standards , no timelines and not that many hard definitions.

there is a range of something like "0 to 60" of how much a guy would want to dress in women's clothing .

I have described this to friends who don't get crossdressing to imagine that it can sometimes it can be like Playing golf ,
I played golf two or three times in my life .I really enjoyed it , but never played again . Some people never play golf , or if they ever do play it they might not really like it . On the other hand , Some people might play golf that first time and then they are hooked forever , they can never get enough of playing golf. So much so that they will spend tons of time and money to keep playing . So which of these folks can call themselves a golfer?

[Tama]

Haha..slapped for a hobby...sounds really painful actually..
I'd imagine there are plenty O' hobbies that may well get one slapped but, not on these forums shall I begin a thread...no Sir/Ma'am!

[Scarlett398]

Lisa, you summed me up in one paragraph. Well said and well written. Just based on this post of yours, I can tell you and I have a lot in common!

Sincerely Scarlett

[SuzyZahn]

I too can agree with your feelings. Mine at times take on a whole ambrosia of emotions,feelings and sensations. At this point in life I just accept them.

[Leslie Mary S]

Audrey if you cross dress for what ever reason you belong. You are one of us. We come in many shades and intensities and drives but we all cross dress to some degree. Some members are 24/7 dressers while some are happy to just wear panties around the house when no one is around. Do your thing. You are welcome here. Ask your questions as you think of them.

[CONSUELO]

This site is a broad church and people join for a wide variety of reasons. If you like to dress as a woman you belong here, its just that your feelings about cross dressing are a subset of the many reasons for joining. This is certainly not an homogenous group of people and for me that is one of its strenghts.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Yeah Audrey, I'm pretty much like you. At my pink foggiest about 2.5 years ago it seemed all consuming and to a degree it caused me to redefine myself, but now it's slipped back into a less prominent place in my life. But if I were to become single again I think it would become far more central and important.

[Kandi Robbins]

It is fun for me, I do enjoy the process and the acceptance I get while out. I feel no different in terms of who and what I am dressed or in my regular every day attire. It simply makes me happy. I've discussed it with many people, don't know why I do it, but do know when I do, I am happy. Like many others, I don't feel complete, relaxed, etc., just damn happy. That is probably the fundamental difference between being a crossdresser and transgendered.

[Lacey CD]

Like many others, I don't feel complete, relaxed, etc., just damn happy. That is probably the fundamental difference between being a crossdresser and transgendered.

I have to say, that's very profound!

[Teresa]

Audrey,
I can see you've been here for a while but your profile doesn't show your age. Your comments sound like a younger person talking, many here find the deeper meanings to CDing start to hit harder as we get older. I was married for twenty years before I told my wife , at that point I began to think more about it because I had to explain it to myself before I could attempt to explain it to my wife. The forum finally made me realise most of us are born like it and it's for life.
Twenty years on I've really had to think hard how I'm going to deal with this and try and plan for the future. I need to dress more not less , whatever is driving it isn't going away.
Yes there is a fun element but that comes at a price when you're in a DADT situation, I know I'm not going to stop either but I also can't say where it's going to lead me.

[Cassiek]

Hello Audrey. To each is own. This forum is great in all respects. It allows each of US to express our feelings in our own independent and accepting way. It doesn't matter what level you dress or what your motivations are. It takes many individuals to make up a society. There is no reason to stop using the forum. WE all need to stick together and continue to talk to each other or WE will surely go nuts. All this from one of those big nasty conservatives. Yes even we are a very caring and accepting group!!

[XemmaX]

im kind of in the same boat as you audrey, it's not a life defining thing for me it's a just thing i have always done since childhood. I like the feeling of the clothes and looking in the mirror or the enjoyment of going out dressed. but do i feel complete when i do it? no but i suppose it has become a part of my identity just like the other things in my life as i have been doing it for most of my life more or less.

[sharonsdream]

You are in the same club as me. It is fun and a bit challenging.

[FrankieB]

I am glad that someone finally brought this subject up, as at times I have felt uneasy by the way some threads have developed.
However, CDing and what drives people is so broad it has become somewhat educational using this site. So, anyone this way inclined can only benefit in my opinion from using this site.

[Becky Blue]

What we are today may well be what we are in the future, but bare in mind that things may well change. You may well find that in later life you lose some of the joy of crossdressing, or you may find that you go from enjoying dressing to needing to dress.

Also if I may a quick comment to those people who say I am a male, ..., heterosexual, etc... please understand that sexuality really has nothing to do with it. It is as relevant as saying I am a male, with brown hair...

[Sallee]

I agree with you Cding is just part of me I never refer to myself when I am dressed as that being my true self. My true self is made up of many parts that hopefully fit together well most of the time. I am a male I enjoy cross dressing, sports, father hood, my wife and many other things that make me whole. It is all part of me, love, life and living

[Mark B]

Sorry for bring up and old thread. Is it old when it has only been 6 weeks since the last post?

I also believe everyone here is different. I joined this forum about 5 months ago looking to see how I fit in and if any others here are like me. I seems like I am a small minority here. It could be that it looks that way as a majority of the threads always get comments from the same group of 15-20 girls. Also most threads are fears about being outed, either in public or in private, or tips on passing as a female.

I find it hard define exactly what is a crossdresser. At first, a crossdresser was to me, a man that wore women's clothes. Then crossdressing expanding to men wearing women's clothes and looking like or trying to pass as a woman. Which to me is no longer just crossdressing, because of the wigs, make-up, forms, etc... It goes on and on, but that's for others.

Myself, I enjoy wearing women's clothes, shoes, hose, and underwear. Does that make me a crossdresser? Hell yes! Since January I have gone out many times dressed like this (man mode wearing skirts, heels, etc.) and have not had any bad experiences. In fact, they have all been very pleasant. I have also gone out being in full feminine mode (wig, make-up, breast forms, hip and butt pads) and again have not had any bad experiences. Is this still considered crossdressing? I think of it as being more than just crossdressing, having the forms, both breast and butt, are not what most women wear. As we are trying to pass as a different sex. I am much more uncomfortable when in this mode than in the man dressed mode.

I have a very understanding wife. She supports my CDing. Most of the time when I try to present as a woman, it's when we go out together, which is now almost every weekend. She is more comfortable being with me in that mode versus me in man dressed mode. Yes, we still go out with me in full man mode.

Am I a small minority here? I think so. Could it be because of my SO's support. Could it be because I prefer to go out without wig and make-up? Or, I have no fear?

[Linda E. Woodworth]

Count Me In, that describes me to a "T"!

[Lily Catherine]

I can understand where you are coming from, although I for one am certainly not in your position.

Truth is that awfully few crossdressers actually figure out why they crossdress, and it's certainly inaccurate to attempt to impute any particular motivations to anyone. I'm even less sure if this is but a waypoint - my observation is that a few have passed through this forum and ended up transitioning, others have accepted their conduct (and implicitly the mental element behind it), and still others are attempting to reconcile the implications of their conduct.

[Alice B]

I am pretty much in the same place. I enjoy dressing, love the feelings it brings, but it does not define who I am.

[Ressie]

Martha B, I felt kind of the same way years ago when I first joined here. Forms, padding, makeup, learning to walk, talk; these things are more about female emulation. Expanding to this level isn't required to hang out here, but it seems to define the majority. I've been enjoying the journey myself. The tips and knowledge I've acquired from members here have taken me to a higher plateau as a CD.

I consider any wearing of clothing from the opposite sex cross dressing. There's a range from clandestine men in panties to those that dress completely 24/7.


Am I a small minority here? I think so. Could it be because of my SO's support. Could it be because I prefer to go out without wig and make-up? Or, I have no fear?

These are just attributes of your uniqueness. And we are all unique.


majority of the threads always get comments from the same group of 15-20 girls

I've found that as in any forum those usually posters changes over time. A year or two ago the 15-20 weren't all the same. Many do a lot of posting when they first join. Many that used to post a lot have found something else to do with their time. And fear of being outed is common with CDs in general. It isn't just members of this forum.

[Bobbi46]

Everybody belongs, we are all going down a road of our own choosing, for some of finding out, for others searching for answers, some for comfort and some for support but at what ever level you are at there is a place for you here, we are all different from each other but at the end of it all we are all together. This is after all a kind of family. Love it

[Nefer]

I think you may be running afoul of the fact that the most enthusiastic crossdressers and trans women here the most likely to respond. In such a case you'll likely see a very enthusiastic sample. You're not wrong or unwelcome for feeling the way you do. Hard to be in a place like this without expecting a plurality of views.