Confused

[gerri ray]

I feel like I'm going through some sort of change. At first I thought it was the pink fog but it doesn't really feel like it.
Basically, I'm wanting to present more and more feminine, not just in clothes, but in everything! I hate presenting as male and only do so at the needed times.
My wife is supportive. I openly communicate with her all the time. Our last talk I explained that I was mentally at war with myself because I loved the feminine feelings and mannerisms but my male side wanted to hang on. She plainly told me to "let go and embrace my femininity." She said these were probably hidden desires that I locked away but should just let them out.
Now she is helping me by encouraging me to wear sandals in public with painted toes. She just bought me a woman's wallet to carry instead of my bulky "dude" one that doesn't fit in any of my new attire.
Are these feelings normal? If so, should I expect more intense feelings later on?
Is it normal for the brain to be at war with itself?

[Aunt Kelly]

"Normal" is something of a loaded term around here, Gerri. What is not commonplace for the world at large is very much so in this community. Virtually everyone here has the feelings you speak of, to one extent or another. For some, those feelings will escalate causing the "dysphoria" you seem to be describing. Let's be clear - your feelings are not "wrong", but the conflict and confusion you may be feeling are not something you should ignore. Fortunately, you seem to be in a very safe space, with a wife who is as supportive as she seems to be. Counseling, with a therapist that specializes in gender issues is probably in order. He or she will help you sort out those feelings and develop ways to deal with them.
Again, your story is very common in this community. If you are feeling any kind of guilt about the feelings you're having, don't. They're not wrong. You're not broken, and the help of a specialist will help you realize that and sort it all out.

Best of luck to you.

Hugs,


Kelly

[Lana Mae]

As your wife says and encourages you to do-let them out! With this there is no normal! Every journey is different! Hugs Lana Mae

[GretchenM]

Hi Gerri,

What you are feeling is not unusual for people in our group. The feminine identity and the masculine identity are having a tussle. It is not uncommon at all. In my opinion and experience, it is important not to fight those feelings but to accept them as a need to make some changes. If you fight the "fighting" the fight will be supplied with energy and will only get more intense. Some part or parts of your brain are trying to "express" itself and other parts are saying "you better not do this." Why are they negative? Because those parts are working on the accepted social idea that when male you need to be masculine and when female you need to be feminine. Unfortunately, in my view, that is just an accommodation of what has pretty much been the case in the past and it wants that to continue. But the part that is producing the feminine is telling the other part that it is important to first make the person comfortable and that the social expectations are not all that useful anymore and society will largely accept the changes. If you just relax and accept what is occurring a lot of the conflict you feel will subside. There is a lot of work to be done, but you can achieve your personal zone of comfort with respect to your gender identity. We are all different and your zone needs to be discovered. You will know it when you get there.

In conclusion, your wife's advice to let go and embrace your femininity is right on. Listen to her and accept her advice. She probably sees what you have not fully seen yet and is helping you to relieve the conflicts by helping you to become more of the person that has probably been repressed and she detects. I did it by myself but with some guidance from a gender therapist. My wife has never fully accepted the feminine in me. She is pretty traditional in that way. Your wife is not. Listen to her.

Gretchen

[Diane Taylor]

I think that you are indeed fortunate to have a wife who is encouraging you to express your inner feelings. Many here are in a situation where a wife or SO wants no part of CD'ing or any other expression of femininity. Go with your feelings and do what feel. If you let things happen naturally, they will take car of themselves. Yes, they will probably become more intense as time goes on. As for "Normal".....expressing one's self in a way that that defines who they are is completely normal. Suppression is what's "abnormal".

[ClosetED]

We each have different levels, but in my opinion you are in dense pink fog. As others have posted a while ago, many follow a curse of fog. Many start off overdoing it, releasing the pent up desires and exploring and then settling down to a lower comfort zone. If you wife is supportive, then experience it! But consider the environment you do it in if there may be long term consequences. Would this burst be better as time away from home to experience 24/7 femininity for a prolonged time like Micheledg ? Just things to consider
Hugs, Ellen

[Pat]

Are these feelings normal? If so, should I expect more intense feelings later on?
Is it normal for the brain to be at war with itself?

In terms of feelings, what you're feeling can be "normal" but is just unusual -- only a small percentage of men will ever be fortunate enough to feel them (OK, I know some think it's a curse.)

Should you expect more intense feelings? I'd say you should prepare for more intense feelings, but expectation gets you nothing -- concentrate instead on being yourself, whatever that is. For now, if you're having the feelings and you're in a safe space just accept them and see where you go.

Is it normal for the brain to be at war with itself? No. That's the place where the word normal belongs. If it seems intense, see a gender counselor to help you work things out. If it's not so intense relax and see what new adventure this is.

This site has a very diverse audience and you'll get sincere, confident advice that you go in many different directions -- embrace it, suppress it; go out, hide away etc. Everyone, including me, is viewing your situation through their own lens. You have to figure out what resonates with you. You are the author of your own story. Good luck.

[Jean 103]

I have the same feelings and I live as Jean and am only presenting as a guy at work. (Yes they know)In a few minutes I will have to put on my jeans and tee shirt, work clothes. I like what I do but hate what I wear.

[CONSUELO]

Gerri,

While you have a lot of internal conflict you are very lucky to have a supportive spouse. Kelly Mae has some good advice. I do believer a good counsellor would help you resolve your internal conflicts but the emphasis here is on GOOD. Don't settle for a mediocre one but try to find someone with experience of gender dysphoria.

Yes indeed you can go with the flow with the support of your wife but be wary of taking irreversible steps. My experience has been that the desire to cross dress and be feminine can ebb and flow. That is my experience and may not apply to others but it has taught me to be careful.

[Tracii G]

Pat said it very well Gerri no two of us are the same so you need to follow your own path.
You are very fortunate your wife feels the way she does. You should take advantage of her graciousness and explore your female side.
Your feelings are common to many here that deal with dysphoria and yes I had them in the beginning as well.

[gerri ray]

Thank you everyone for your replies and advice. I have been letting go in little increments. Mainly because I don't want to overload my wife. It's just a really frustrating feeling. You're on the verge of letting go but that one little voice "thought" is what is holding you back.

[Victoria Demeanor]

Hi Gerri Ray,
Oh I feel you Sister, I dropped off this site for over a year while my mind battled it out and I still don't know who won. I honestly could have written your post with the exception of your accepting wife. I can not say if your feelings are normal, but I can say that you are not alone and I understand. I think you have already gotten some good advice here, so I will just send you my support.
All the b est on your path in life
Victoria D

[Becky Blue]

Is anyone 'normal'? its very common to have those sorts of feelings and its very common to find yourself changing, if I can ask how old are you? It would seem that at some stage you are going to have to let go, as the girl inside you is not going to give up until you let her out, once she starts 'taking over' suppression will lead to unhappiness. You also seem to have an accepting wife so that will help too, but as you say be careful.

[gerri ray]

Becky, I am 33, will be 34 in 4 months.

[Becky Blue]

Gerri, things changed for me very rapidly at age around 40. Totally different circumstances to your situation, but was wondering it your changes could at all be connected to middle age.. clearly not

[docrobbysherry]

Sounds normal to me, Gerri!:battingeyelashes:

[gerri ray]

My wife and I had another long talk tonight. I explained more frustrations. Again she told me to let go. She said she doesn't care what I wear or look like, that she will be right there with me.
I was also told that I hate change, which I do, and that I need to get to know this new me and accept this new part of me.
I am going to try and let go (again) and just dive in with both feet, just as she said to do.

[GretchenM]

Well, I think your wife may have it and, to me, clearly wants you to find a more comfortable zone. She sees the stress this is causing in you. Again, follow her lead and so long as you two can comfortably talk about this subject don't hesitate to bounce ideas off of her. But in your condition with a lot of ropes pulling you in different directions, be careful to not overwhelm her either. I think you should take it in small steps while bouncing things off of her and carefully considering her opinion. It looks like she understands you very well and perhaps has a bit more of an objective view of you that can act as a rudder to help guide your ship. I get it on the fear of change. I don't have a lot of that fear, but it is certainly there. My wife on the other hand is very fearful of change and thus the severe DADT policy that is slowly, very slowly changing. Again, your loving wife is a priceless resource in finding that happy place for you on the gender spectrum. Consider a loving collaboration with her to help you find your comfort zone. You have to discover the comfort zone on your own, but she can help you find that with support.