"Poof!" You have become a real woman now. So, what comes next!?

[docrobbysherry]

Many of us spend a lot of time, energy, and $$ trying to look, feel, or actually transform into a female. :battingeyelashes:

Let's say u accomplish that goal. Thru hormones, magic, or surgery u finally look and feel like a totally passable female. No more hiding, sneaking, dreaming, imagining or striving. U can go anywhere, do anything a woman could do. Have u thot about what u would do next? Or, with the rest of your life?:straightface:

I stopped thinking about becoming a woman years ago. And, am satisfied looking like a one in my mirror. :daydreaming:

But, that isn't what most of u want, is it? Many of u want to live like women. Have u thot about what u mite enjoy doing most if u were a completely passable female?:)

[Rachael Leigh]

Sherry a very thought provoking question because I would think at least half here would never have really thought about it.
Honestly I have not, but since you asked. I would just live my life as I have but maybe enjoy it more, I would not have the
guilt of enjoying shopping for clothes or buying more shoes and makeup because it would just be normal and expected.
I might even learn how to cook or even sew, something I've never been good at or thought much about and yes I know men do those things now but I've always considered them fem activities

[Ashley090]

Nothing would happen. I would just continue my life, do same stuff as I do now and so on. Everything same, just from "The Other side".

[PaulaQ]

Well, it wasn't a *poof* - it has taken three and a half years. So perhaps I could offer some perspectives from my own life?

Stuff that's the same about my life:
- my job
- sense of humor
- I still hate shopping
- my taste in music didn't change much

Stuff that's different about my life:
- I'm accepted as a woman everywhere - because - I'm a woman (legally, socially, on the job, medically). I pass really well.
- I've had more relationships since starting transition than I had during my entire life before transition
- I married a wonderful man - nobody saw that coming!
- I'm a domme. (Never saw that coming either!)
- I'm an activist. I put a lot of time in my support group that offers help for trans people and their spouses, significant others, and family members. I've been in the paper, on TV. I don't try to hide being trans - I'm out. The idea of any of this terrified me before.
- I've helped many through their transitions. Not boasting, but I've helped save a few lives. Had some losses here too. It's hard, the hardest thing I've ever done.
- In general, the thing I enjoy most is that I am able to be genuine with people, for the most part. I'm far more so than I was EVER able to be before, so I just enjoy being around people more, talking to them, etc.
- I've picked up new hobbies. I am trying to re-engage with my old amateur astronomy hobby, we'll see how that goes.
- I am a lot more open to love now, than I used to be.
- I love makeup, I love wearing dresses. I don't always wear makeup, sometimes time doesn't allow for that.

Stuff I lost:
- my marriage and home
- most of my friends
- in a lot of ways, most of my past
- my professional colleagues. Mostly gone. I have the same job. I've been there 17 years now. I may as well have started there 3 years ago.
- male privilege. Guys talk over me all the time. It isn't safe for me to be out at night alone - I'm always afraid. If I want to look good - it's a lot more effort than it is fora guy. If I talk too much (meaning 20% less than I used to talk), I'm considered to be kind of a bitch. The list of this stuff goes on.
- Cis privilege. Finding a medical doctor who will treat me and treat me with respect is HARD. Knowing that much of humanity doesn't consider me to be a human being is demoralizing. Seeing politicians in my state try to pass laws to outlaw my presence in public is hard. Having to deal with all the suicide attempts from others in my community. I've talked down so many people from the ledge that I've lost track of them.

Stuff that surprises me:
- I pass far, far, far better than I ever imagined. I know what I am, but at this point, I don't really feel trans. I feel very little gender dysphoria.
- I found my situation isn't so different from other women. Sure, there are some pretty unique details about my life. On the other hand, though, I had dinner with some women none of whom could have children. Our experiences weren't so different in some ways.
- I never realized that I'd have to keep coming out as trans over and over and over again. I'd never imagined that being "out" would be this much work. I'm very fortunate.

I could probably go on, but this is enough. I'd never have believed my life could be as good or as fulfilling as it is. Sure, there are a lot of challenges. It's hard living in Texas, watching what happens to people I know, even if most of the bad stuff, so far, has passed me by. I use all that privilege to engage with the community here, and to try to help others. I guess helping others is the main focus of my life. My job used to be. Now? It's my job. I love it, and I'm lucky to have it. But my real passion is helping others.

Oh, since I probably didn't say many things that a lot of you might identify with, I will say that flirting with people (men, women, I don't care - I flirt with everyone) is a blast.


Nothing would happen. I would just continue my life, do same stuff as I do now and so on. Everything same, just from "The Other side".

Everything changes hon. My old life feels like it wasn't even real.

[docrobbysherry]

Wow! I'm speechless, Paula. U r amazing!

Thank u for being here for us and turning my silly fantasy thread into an honest, dramatic lesson in reality.:thumbsup:

[Nikki A.]

I've spent 60+ years as a male. If it was a gradual transition I think I could handle the changes as they happened. If it was a "poof" instant change, I don't really i could cope with all the changes at once. I think I enjoy being able to express both sides of me.

[Lux]

I'm with Doc and absolutely thank Paula for the reality check of becoming female that is often not seen through the pink fog many of us spend time in!

[PaulaQ]

@Doc & Lux - thanks. I try to be honest here. I thought I was giving you a sales pitch! :p


If it was a gradual transition I think I could handle the changes as they happened. If it was a "poof" instant change, I don't really i could cope with all the changes at once.

Nikki - this is exactly why transition is a gradual process. Physical things take time. But the emotional and mental changes also take a lot of time. I found that the main part of my mental changes involved unlearning behavior that I used to hide who I really was. I didn't learn how to be a woman - I unlearned how to pretend to be a man.

There are some things that a lot of you would identify with that I find fun:
- I enjoy being really feminine
- It's fun to buy lingerie. I don't wear it a lot because it isn't really very practical, and my husband isn't *that* excited by it. But it's fun to spice things up from time to time with it.
- I do enjoy getting my hair and my nails done I keep them up all the time

One thing I didn't mention before, and the part that is a surprise to many of us is that in many respects, at least in my experience, being a woman is a lot about time management. You have a bunch of things you do because they are expected of you, and very little tolerance for the fact that you are just doing WAY more than most dudes who lead much the same life as you. Some of this is because I'm a femme - but some of it is just part and parcel of being a woman.

I love being able to live as who I really am - a woman. I mention the downsides not to dissuade anyone. My transition has certainly been worth it to me, it saved my life. And it made the life it saved worth living. At the end of the day, you are who you are, and downside or not, you don't really have a lot of choice but to be yourself.

[Teresa]

Sherry,
I had it all planned, if my separation had happened . I would have to move away , I'm sure that goes without saying, my plan was to dress full time and possibly to take a teaching course so I could run a painting group . I realise I wouldn't be a totally passable female , it could never happen but I would be the person I wish to be seen as and be accepted in the role I chose . Living with a mirror image isn't living a real life , that's what my goal was to do the two things in my life I enjoy most .

[Ashley090]

Thanks Paula for sharing! One of hell experience you got there :)
More to my statement, if we talk about a fantasy magic change aka "poof" then it ll be as I said -> still me just opposite role. But ofc if we talk about real life transition, well that is way different story. I am well aware that such a thing comes with many obstacles and issues that needs to be resolved. I spend lots of time thinking about it and so far I can tell it is like starting completly new. Throwing old life out of window and start from 0. That how i imagine myself going trought transition (which 99% ll never happen btw). I could not do same work. I cant even bare thought of working with same ppl as "before". You have all my respect of you able to do it. Go and look in those ppl eyes, just wau :) And any ts or person who goes trought transition have all my respect for doing it.
To make it more clear then, my "real life poof" would be going to another side of country, leaving everything old behind and starting completly again from begin somewhere else, with new ppl, new place, new job, new me. But right now I am living alone in this world, confused and not knowing who realy I am and no person talk to about it.
Damn, sorry. I am babbling again. Move oooooon :)

[Maria Blackwood]

Oh, so much sex.

[Jean 103]

Just simply live life. Oh isn’t that what I’m doing. This is who I am and if you don’t like it I don’t care. Or maybe I should just say you tell them Sherry. I was at Karaoke last night and this girl tells me I have a beautiful voice. I told my roommate and he said “what was she smoking”, He is like a lead singer, just a bit critical. Yes get out live life today not tomorrow.

[Wen4cd]

I second the sex thing.

[KimberlyJean]

Hopefully my clothes still fit, then I would really like my life to proceed as it has been, only I get to be a woman. I believe that my life would have taken a similar path to what it has if I had been born the right way.

[Mtempel]

PaulaQ
Thanks for posting your eye opening experiences with the group. Your story is soo interesting. If you were to write a book I'd wait in line to buy it : )

[CONSUELO]

A good question and I think that PaulaQ's reply is an excellent one. I remember the terrible difficulties she had before and during transition and reading her reply made me want to cheer.

[Rachael Leigh]

Wow PaulaQ you really summed up a lot and well since you have actulky experienced the real thing it really puts it in
perspective.
Thank you for all you do in the community as well I've been in here long enough to know it's not been easy for you
Keep up the good work
Rachael Leigh

[ronda]

Thank you Paula for your open and honest story of what it takes to do what you have done and I am glad that you are so very happy with your life now.
I do understand how hard it is helping others but at the same time can be so rewarding it is what life is about thank you again

[Maria Blackwood]

I second the sex thing.

Can we get a third? ;-)

Sorry. Just feeling naughty after a long week.

[St Lisa]

I'd like to join the Thanks Paula chorus. That's great stuff to hear and I'm glad you can share it here. I think many of us forget that being a girl still has some very real downsides in our world.

As for the "poof" if you offered me the chance to be all girl I don't think I'd take it.

Now if you offered me a control dial with Brad Pitt on one end and Scarlett Johansson on the other I'd wear that sucker out. I doubt I'd ever stay on one end much longer than a few days and many days I'd be switching several times a day.

[docrobbysherry]

"Motion carried, Maria!"

Can we get a third? ;-)
Sorry. Just feeling naughty after a long week.
Altho, my sex life with/as Sherry is already quit amazing. It requires erections for participation. Women don't seem to have that issue!:D

[Kellitgdet]

Thank you all for sharing, I love this community. Since joining I feel a little better about myself. And it has everything to do with knowing I am not alone. While we are all at different places of acceptance with others and ourselves, it's learning knowing that what we are all about is difficult to understand and even more difficult to explain.
Love you all, Kelli

[Wen4cd]

I hear that for a woman, sex can be 'fulfilling.' I would have liked to experience that fulfillment. To be the vessel, to have an emptiness inside filled. It sounds unlike anything I will ever experience, non-spiritually.

[Ceera]

I'd have to assume that if I became a 'totally passable female', my body proportions would change enough that new clothes or alterations to my current clothes would immediately be necessary. Next would be to update my legal name and identity documents to match my new reality. Then? Well, I would probably get a new job, starting with that employer as a woman. I am unemployed now, so that would not be too disruptive. The hardest part would be validating my past work experience as still belonging to the new me. Or starting over without claiming that past experience.

I currently can pass pretty well, but suddenly being able to pass totally, even in sexual situations, would boost my confidence immensely when it comes to seeking a new relationship. I would be seeking a new partner for dating quite soon. Hopefully a long-term relationship.

As Paula said, I would become more of an activist for LGBTQ rights, and for helping others along this path. My life is already heading that direction.

I am already in the process of establishing new friends and social contacts for my female identity, including introducing some old friends to the 'new me'. Suddenly being fully female might actually make it easier to come out to the few family members and old friends I would care to remain in contact with. The questions of 'why would you', and 'are you sure you want to' would become moot.

[ReallyLauren]

This has really turned into one of the most thought provoking threads I have seen here. Paula also helps to highlight the true courage that trans people exhibit.

Lauren

[Jenny22]

What an amazing story, Paula! You still have 'balls' for what you are doing for our community! Keep up the great work, sister! Bless you! Big hugs!

QUOTE=PaulaQ;4067935]Well, it wasn't a *poof* - it has taken three and a half years. So perhaps I could offer some perspectives from my own life?

[Meghan4now]

First off, who you calling "poof" Sheri?.
Second sounds like Miss Blackwood is looking for a spanking! So naughty.
Third, since all reality has left the world, and I'm now magically a girl, I go on tour as Pink!

Seriously, love you much Paula, but you know that already! As for Meghan, life would have similar qualities, figuring out the day to day. But maybe I wouldn't need to spend time on a crossdressing forum, and focus my attentions elsewhere. So much depends on my close personal relationships. Way too many variables to really know.

[Maria Blackwood]

Oh, I got more than spankings back in my scene days. The domina I subbed to had a love of bull whips.

[Georgina]

"Poof" and I am a woman. I would spend my time trying to change back.

[Morion]

*poof* I'm a woman? I would freak. Not because of the change of body parts, but because of the way my life would be turned upside down. I have struggled to get where I am today, and the few achievements I have made are things the average person takes for granted.

I imagine I would have to start all over yet again, which would be utterly demoralising. I would likely be depressed (I lost everything), suicidal (life is too hard, so why bother) and struggling with anxiety (what if the world does not accept the 'new me'?). I would almost certainly lose my job and would not be surprised to lose most of my friends (I would hope at least one or two stuck by me). I have been sitting here thinking about it and I cannot even imagine how I would begin to restart my life in that situation. It seems an utterly insurmountable barrier!

[Ally 2112]

I think a lot of us think about this in a fantasy way and not so much realistically what it would pertain to .It just might not be the way we think it would be

[Katie Louise]

Boom. Continue living the rest od my life, but do it as a happy, functional individual.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Sherry:hugs:, I am totally happy having the best of both worlds...:daydreaming:...

[OCCarly]

Take all the time I've been spending on therapy and medical appointments and put it into my job. Take the money I've been saving for facial feminization surgery and 1) make a down payment on a vacation condo in Palm Springs; 2) spend the rest on a vintage Saab convertible. Get a trailer and go glamping.

[Lana Mae]

Live my life the best I could! Hugs Lana Mae

[docrobbysherry]

"Poof" and I am a woman. I would spend my time trying to change back.
I'll make sure it won't happen to u, I promise, Georgina!:straightface:


Take all the time I've been spending on therapy and medical appointments and put it into my job. Take the money I've been saving for facial feminization surgery and 1) make a down payment on a vacation condo in Palm Springs; 2) spend the rest on a vintage Saab convertible. Get a trailer and go glamping.
I was hoping for something more glamorous than I Saab and trailer, Carly--:brolleyes:


Boom. Continue living the rest od my life, but do it as a happy, functional individual.
So, living happily ever after is your dream, Sibby? U must of seen a lot of the same '50's movies I grew up watching---:heehee:


-----------------------------------------------------
Third, since all reality has left the world, and I'm now magically a girl, I go on tour as Pink!
-----------------------------------------------------------
Thank u, Megan. I lot better answer than "changing your name and drivers license photo"! I mean, why not marry Brad Pitt, become a TV newswoman, or nude model and porn star? It's just a dream for most of us anyway!:daydreaming:

[PaulaQ]

I hear that for a woman, sex can be 'fulfilling.' I would have liked to experience that fulfillment. To be the vessel, to have an emptiness inside filled.

OK, I know y'all want this - let's talk sex. :battingeyelashes:

So first things first - although there are a lot of lonely trans people, I have been very fortunate, as have others I know, and I have WAY more sex, and way more varied sex than I ever used to. You might think this is a matter of passing well - but it doesn't seem to be. One thing that does help is to be willing to date within the trans community. More about that in a bit.

My sex life used to be pretty much monogamous vanilla sex with my wife. I loved her, but our sex life was boring - I hated it. For one thing - she liked penetrative sex, and I hated doing that. I mean - if I never had to use that thing, I'd have been FINE. But no - straight girl - wanted Mr. Happy. Ugh!

Now, I'm happily married and non-monogamous. I've been non-monogamous for most of my transition. I've been with both trans men, and trans women, which is great, because I'm bisexual. Pansexual would be a good description for me too - I haven't ever found a gender I didn't feel attraction towards. (I will sexually fantasize about most people I meet briefly, although this isn't always pleasant!) I get things from my husband my girlfriend can't give me. I get things from her that he can't give me. They know each other, and are friends. It works out well so far.

My boyfriend is a big ol' stud. He is hyper masculine, and he knows how to make a woman happy. He is an incredible lover, and has the highest sex drive of anyone I have ever met. (Higher than mine, and mine is quite large!) Let's just say big boy gets it done.

My girlfriend is my submissive. We have a Dominance / submission relationship. I am a sadist - she is a masochist. Discovering this about myself was surprising. I always knew I was kinky - I had fantasies about BDSM before I had any feelings about sex. Indeed, I could maybe more easily forgo sex than BDSM. (Well maybe! I like sex!) I'd always thought I was a submissive - because I certainly always had submissive fantasies. So imagine my surprise when I discovered that I was a Top, a Dominant, a Sadist. I had never had fantasies about those things - but during transition, all that changed. It's been kind of a struggle admitting these things about myself. But it turns out, I am good with paddles, floggers, electricity and humiliation, and all sorts of things that I always thought that only bad people liked to do.

So about erections - look - I can have an erection anytime I want. I just use a prosthetic. (Yeah, another surprise, now that I have a vagina, I enjoy dishing out penetrative sex sometimes.)

Having sex with a vagina is different. It took two surgeries before I was able to have an orgasm. And even now, you know those women who seem to have trouble achieving an orgasm? Well, let's just say it takes some dedication. There is a LOT more psychological component to it - my head has to be there for me to orgasm. It takes a LOT of foreplay. I think this is true of a lot of women. It took me a while to learn how it all worked and to put it together. The first few months were really frustrating. (Part of the problem at first was that I really did need a small revision.)

I enjoy being on the receiving end of penetrative and non-penetrative sex acts. I don't have a strong preference either way.

It's neat to have the fantasy that having a vagina means super wonderful instantly fulfilling sex. And I think this is true for some of us - but honestly that wasn't my experience. I have a very fulfilling sex life, and I have great orgasms, but it isn't as easy as it was before. (However, I also no longer suffer from gender dysphoria related to sex - having a penis really bothered me!)

So about dating other trans people. The first time I heard this was a likely fate, it really depressed me. I mean, after all, weren't cis-people the gold standard? The notion that I'd most likely never be with a cisgender woman or man bothered me. Until I started dating other trans people, and realized that it is absolutely wonderful. Indeed, at this point, it would be a pretty unusual cisgender person who would interest me. Nothing against cisgender people - I know some who are great who I would date if I weren't otherwise involved. But I don't have time to educate someone I'm sleeping with about gender, and most cisgender people, in my experience, need that education because few of them have ever had to think much about it. No offense to cisgender people - I know some who "get it" - but I have little interest in helping them fumble around and figure it out, only to have them ask "but are you post-op?" anyway!

Having watched cispeople stare at me, and tell me, in effect, that I'm not a human being, well, let's just say trust comes not so easily. Moreover, even many of the allies who supposedly "get it" really don't get it. I mean how can they - they have lots of privilege oftentimes, and it's hard for them to believe or even imagine some of the things we go through. Even the ones who get it, in my experience, often have trouble not viewing us as inferior to themselves. (Hint: we're not inferior to anyone.)

No offense to any of the GG's on this site, I'm sure none of them are like that. But I've encountered this enough that I really have little interest in dating someone who isn't trans.

[Maria Blackwood]

Just be glad Franz Kafka didn't start this topic.

[Shayna]

Well, I don't really desire to be a woman, and I can imagine my life would be turned upside down and I would lose my wife and a good part of my family.

[docrobbysherry]

Once again, Thanks for the education, Paula. U answered a lot of questions I've been too embarrassed to ask even my post op trans friends one on one!:o

And, Shayna? Not to worry. No, "Poof", for u!:heehee:

[Georgette_USA]

Sorry Sherry no POOF for me, and I am a real woman.

Like Paula, and thanks for your openness, some of my story is similar.

I didn't lose family, and they have always been my greatest supporters.

Didn't have any old friends to lose.

Didn't lose my career, and they had my interests and support. I traveled for them to other places, so they must have had confidence in my passing. I am more of an Alpha female, or Butch type Lesbian in action not dress, so I always ended up in charge. And the men never tried to talk over me.

Like some I had another MtF partner for over 38 years.
I have tried sex with cis men, and none ever questioned my appearance, but it was never satisfying for me.
I also had a couple of years of sex with a Butch Lesbian, that knew me before surgery. She was very special, and knew how to treat a woman.
I never had M to F sex before my surgery. So the one thing that does get me weirded out, is with some CDs, they want to be the girl and I won't use a prosthetic.

I had to wear pants for work, so fell into a rather drab existence. Since coming back out, a 2nd transition if you will, I love being feminine again and only wear dresses now. Love shopping, always have a great pedicure and love to try different things with my acrylic nails, just wish I had more money in retirement.

Just not sure what the next 30 years, hopefully, will hold for me. But I refuse to slow down and want to enjoy it for as long as I can.

[Maria Blackwood]

Anyone not wanting a poof send them my way.

...

Why, yes, that did sound better in my head.

[Ressie]

If this transformation would be equal to a genetic woman, I would hopefully have a good female singing voice. I would become a female blues or jazz vocalist.

Of course this is just fantasy for me. I'm not gonna try to make transforming a reality! I don't think the majority here want to live full time as a woman. Am I mistaken?

[Jenni Yumiko]

i would like to be completely passable as a woman but I still want to be a guy. I like being a guy, doing guy things, being able to act like a "dumb guy" and get away with it.

[Cheryl T]

I would enjoy my retirement and traveling the country.

[CarlaWestin]

Great thread, Sherry.

So, Paula? I've followed what you went through to get where you are now. I felt your pain as you described the dismantling of your old traditionally acceptable life.

And now I hear that you've transcended into what I can only call the fulfillment of the fantasy life desire.

And evidently, it was all worth it.

I wonder how many of the rest of you are rethinking things on a major basis like I am?

Paula, I would wish you the best of everything but, I think you have that.

[Wen4cd]

Well Paula thanks fort that insight into your sex life! Quite interesting.

[docrobbysherry]

Thank u for the input about your experience, Georgette. Educational reality is always more interesting than "what ifs", in MY book! U don't need a "Poof" because you're there already! :thumbsup:


If this transformation would be equal to a genetic woman, I would hopefully have a good female singing voice. I would become a female blues or jazz vocalist.

Of course this is just fantasy for me. I'm not gonna try to make transforming a reality! I don't think the majority here want to live full time as a woman. Am I mistaken?
No, most of us don't plan to transition, Ressie. And, it was for us that I started the thread. Since all of us have imagined becoming female at one time or another, I wondered if some of us imagined becoming amazing women as well? Your famous jazz/blues singer is a perfect example!:)


Anyone not wanting a poof send them my way.
Why, yes, that did sound better in my head.
And, what would u do with your "poof", Maria? After spending a year having selfsex and with everyone u meet, I mean?:D

[PaulaQ]

So, Paula? I've followed what you went through to get where you are now. I felt your pain as you described the dismantling of your old traditionally acceptable life.

And now I hear that you've transcended into what I can only call the fulfillment of the fantasy life desire.

So about the fantasy life. This isn't a fantasy - it's my life. For me, the decision to do this was pretty straightforward - the alternative was death, make no mistake about that. :)

My life is something I'd never have imagined it to be. My job is the same - I'm fortunate there, sort of. It isn't my passion anymore. My passion is helping others in the trans community primarily, and helping sexual minorities as a secondary activity. I'm fortunate - I have a great job, and it's given me resources to transition, both financial resources and insurance that's covered some of my transition. (But not all of it. That's improving though - I have lobbied really hard at work for better trans benefits. I did training for our HR department on how to support transition on the job this past summer.)

I spend most of my spare time running a support group for trans people and their loved ones. Our goal is to keep marriages together, when possible, and when it isn't possible, to help the breakup be amicable. I do this because of my experience with my ex-wife when I came out to her. I think a group like the one I'm involved in could have helped her. I do a fair amount of political activism. I don't sleep a lot - I am often up late talking to depressed or suicidal transgender people. I don't know how many people I've talked down off the ledge. I've dealt with sexual assaults. I've bailed people out of jail. I've gotten trans people out of psych hospitals who were being abused because they were trans.

I've organized responses to anti-trans legislation, stopping the first anti-trans ordinance in Texas since the stinging loss of HERO in Houston. This was in one of the most hard-core conservative suburbs (Rockwall) of Dallas, and be assured, had we not stopped them as decisively as we did, many cities in Texas would've adopted anti-trans ordinances.

I've stared down angry religious people who wanted to end trans school kids access to gender appropriate restrooms in school. HUNDREDS of angry religious people.

I help trans people find doctors. I help trans people change their legal documentation. Many I've helped are now activists themselves and are, in their ways, helping others.

I say these things not to boast or brag - but this is the side of my life that isn't such a fantasy, at least not a pleasant or fun fantasy. If horror is fantasy, then sure, there's a lot of that type of fantasy in my life. A significant part of the population does not view me as a human being in the same way they are human. That this no longer has much of an impact on me emotionally should say a lot about what my life is like.

I pass well - but I'm known locally. I'm openly trans - I've been on TV and in the paper. I'm not famous, but some people recognize me. I experience some amount of fear because of this. I am generally armed now - unlike in my past life when I never worried about anything.

After 50 years of the living death of pretending to be something I wasn't - a man - I choose to grab my life with both hands and live it as fully as I can.

What does it feel like to be me? I have a huge picture by Gustav Dore on my living room wall of Satan being cast out of Heaven. I identify with this picture so much - for I, and others like me, are cast out of "polite society." But I look at so many people around me, people living in fear, people conforming. Sure, it's easier for them - they can make themselves fit in easier than I could, for ultimately, for me conformance was death. Nevertheless, and despite the things that are hard, I look at them, their fear, their timid compliance, and I feel pity for them.


I wonder how many of the rest of you are rethinking things on a major basis like I am?

I hope that my story tells women here that they can be who they really are. I'm not trying to paint a rosy picture that this is easy. It will be the most challenging thing you've every done. You will have to stand in the face of a world that denies your existence and scream at them "I AM."

But what I want you to take away from my story is that this is isn't some fantasy - this is life and that YOU can have a real and authentic life. It will probably be totally different than mine - as it should be, because it's YOURS.


Edit: so about voice - I have spent a lot of time working on my voice with Kathe Perez. Her online materials are great. I did a lot of work on this. Definitely not *poof*!

[Teresa]

Paula,
It's so good to see you on the other side of your turmoil, any hatred now is being used positively . It's good to hear you have a good partner you can now enjoy life with. Please don't forget about you, sometimes you can give too much of yourself in helping others, I'm sure you'll find a balance but it's been a long time coming. It's so good of you to come back and find some new friends and look up old ones , I wish I could implement all the advice you gave me, I know we did have a difference of opinion on some matters but you knew when to stand back and let me find things out for myself. I still can't thank you enough .

[Tina June]

Super great thread Sherry!
Paula - I am so happy your life has worked out so well for you!

My "POOF" moment would probably completely wreck my current life - but I think (and hope) that I could bounce back and live at least close to what Paula is experiencing.

[IleneD]

Poof?! I'm a woman?

I'm getting laid. That stuff is going out for a test flight.

[SamanthaR]

I would put on my sexy outfit with out the pads and forms and go flirt to my hearts content. XO 😘

[Swimtran]

OK, so poof, and I'm suddenly a biological woman.

I imagine I'm pretty much the same as before, except I suddenly have lady parts. My wife would notice first, and be pretty disappointed. My young son would be even more confused, and I'm not sure anybody could quite explain it to him. Nobody else really needs to know at this point, so I can carry on my life with minimal disruption. At work, they still think I'm a man, even if my voice now sounds much higher. I'm taping down my breasts for now, and wearing baggy shirts.

I'd love to take advantage of my new shape, and buy myself a proper wardrobe. It's going to be expensive! It'll have to accumulate over some time.

So now I have to think about how I can come out to people, and avoid the shock. My wife and son will likely have left, since I can't be the husband I promised to be anymore. My in-laws would shun me. My own mom and brother and immediate relatives would be shocked and confused, but many or most would probably accept me. They all live in another country, though.

I either come out to everyone very suddenly, or gradually and painfully. Either way it would be disruptive to everyone I've ever known, since they've only ever met my male self.

To me, this sounds a lot like being transgender!

[Becky Blue]

Thanks Paula for the awesome post, I guess she has confirmed that life would go on, things would be lost other gained, some things would be forever changed others may stay almost the same.

[Geena Gee]

Go to sleep as a male, "poof" wake up female?
First thing would be to scream!
Next would be to seek counseling!
If I could get my head to accept the physical, and psychological changes, I would transition to living as a female full time. Oh, and the sex thing... yeehaw!!
If I was unable to adjust to the changes, I would immediately arrange GRS.
I do not want to be a woman.

Being a CD is a sensual thing to me, not a sexual thing. I love the feel of the clothing, the smell of the perfume, the smoothness of my skin after I shave. I love to create beautiful things. I like being a piece of art. Okay, so sometimes I look like a Picasso, but that's OK

[PaulaQ]

OK, so poof, and I'm suddenly a biological woman.

I'm a biological woman. I'm made of carbon, and I have DNA and red blood cells and everything. Contrary to what some people believe!

Most of what you describe is what I went through. Wasn't much fun. Managed to hang on to the kids, and some family members. Not the wife - but I know couple who stay together - more than you'd think.

The disruption to others is an interesting phenomenon, is it not?

[Teresa]

Swimtran,
We never know these things until it happens, OK Sherry was having some fun, but being realistic we must consider some big decisions to go through what Paula went through.

Maybe if we had the equivalent of a CDers " Big Bang " we might not have a choice, if you want it desperately enough then suddenly " POOF" you have what you always felt you needed to do. I'm afraid there's only one way to achieve it and it's the hard way, drip , drip , one step forward and two back and hope everyone is on the same page !

[sometimes_miss]

It would really depend upon what I look like. If I was beautiful enough to make it in modeling or the performance arts, I might pursue that. If just an average woman, probably pursue a career in a stem field, knowing that I'd have a guaranteed spot in academia due to EEOC rules because of the dearth of females in those fields.
Of course, the very first thing would be, SHOPPING! To establish a wardrobe for my new bod! It would be such a nice chance to be able to buy clothing in normal stores instead of the limited selection I've been stuck with in the tall & fat zone since I was in my teens.
And, of course, if I simply just changed genitalia and grew breasts, I'd probably wear one of those cover everything tent-like head to toe black cloth middle eastern female outfits and get a job in a call center where no one would see me.

[Dana44]

Well poof if I was a woman. Yikes, if I would wake up like that, oh my. It would be pretty freaky. Naw I like both sides and don't have a problem running from the male side of me.

[bamacrossdresser]

Shopping, shopping and more shopping for clothes

[JaytoJillian]

Wow! I'm speechless, Paula. U r amazing!

Thank u for being here for us and turning my silly fantasy thread into an honest, dramatic lesson in reality.:thumbsup: Amen! What a brutally honest reality check. Thank you!

[jennifer0918]

Fun,fun,fun,fun,shopping,shoes,makeup everyday ,get my nails done and poof breasts also wow I will be so happy...

[Rogina B]

Poof ! YOU now get judged ! On your looks,[all aspects of] your assertiveness[or submissiveness] your desirability...etc..Not an easy life.

[rebecca_ns]

Poof..!! Live my life on my terms. The good, the bad, all of it. I am not naive about it.

[docrobbysherry]

Yes, that's the kind of posts I was hoping for, Rogina. Someone who's thot about what they would actually do and have to deal with as a female. Both the advantages and disadvantages. Few have very deeply, it sounds like!:straightface:

I have passed at a Halloween dance. The only CD there, I sat with a group of GG's. And, we chatted as men continuously circled and ogled us. It was so weird for me, but so normal for the GG's. :eek:

[Steph65]

if it was just Poof your a woman!!! OMG I would cry first then I would get all dressed up and then the family would have to know and yes I would go out and find a nice f2m and have sex!!! Then it would be bring on life!!! lets see what the pros and cons are. Then I would fight the cons and bring out more of the pros!!!.

[Emma1]

Admittedly, I would first spend some time playing with my new boobs :) But after that, it would be interesting to just walk around in public, go to a coffee shop, and attend some parties or social events as a woman. I would be curious to see how I would be treated in social situations as a woman compared with how I am treated as a man.

[Beverley Sims]

A change of lifestyle would be in order, I think. :-)

[PaulaQ]

A change of lifestyle would be in order, I think. :-)

More than a lifestyle - it's a change of life. You want to change your lifestyle? Buy a pool or a Harley... ;)

[Heisthebride]

Too complex a question without specific parameters.

If its magic, do I have the ability to transform back and forth? If I was permanently female do I have to explain it to friends/coworkers etc. or does this parallel existence assume I have always been female? If I have always been female what happens to my wife, is she male now, or are we a happily married lesbian couple? Do I remember my past life as a female?

Transformation back and forth (including clothes and makeup) - I would probably end up 60/40 male/female. Work as my male self, fun as my male or female self, sleep as my male or female self.

Transformation back and forth (body only) - Similar to above, maybe a little more male time since I would have to still do makeup and hair which takes time and skill.

Suddenly magically female (no one knows why or how) - re-budget for wardrobe and try not to become a science experiment.

Magically female (history re-written as female) - shrug my shoulders and get on with my life as a female, I would already have a wardrobe and everything else.

If I simply have to ability to pass without notice, then I would have to take another look at my budget and fill out my wardrobe. I would likely spend about 10-20% of my waking hours as a female. I assume getting ready to the point of passing would be a lengthy process. But I would shop, dine out, jog, go to shows anything out in public as much as I would do these things as a male.

[Christine Eriksson]

Oh if there was a magic poof, I would spend an hour looking at my self in the mirror and investigate my body. Then I would go swimming, then shopping, then admiring my self in the mirror, then go flirting, then shopping.

[Jenny22]

Unless you knew after the 'poof' that you were a male before the poof, you'd probably do the normal things a female would do at her age. Huh??? If after the poof I was a female of the same age, I'd just go to bed after I had my nap. If I was a much younger female, however, it would be, 'look out, world! Here comes Jenny.'

[Rogina B]

Poof ! You are now a woman ! An "average " one. Not gifted in any way..Just "Average Annie"...What will you do with your life given the "cards" you have? Not so desirable,is it?

[Lily Catherine]

I don't feel it does the process of transition any justice to fast-forward it. However, should that be the situation overnight (read: Rogina's), I would have a whole lot of explaining to do to a whole bunch of people - especially college and civil authorities, friends and family. What's happened has already happened, even though it is not in my power to enforce anyone's acceptance of it. Unless my parents or relatives specifically demand otherwise in the worst possible scenario, I will retain my surname. I reckon I'd also be a more aggressive activist for LGBT rights - except that this time, I have a personal stake in the matter. That's the one when you're told, "You care that much about LGBT rights, are you gay/trans?", which is honestly one statement that still provokes me.

Life goes on, but I'd be lying if I said it would go on all the same - no way in hell the status quo would remain given the life-changing circumstances I just got through.

In the obviously hypothetical situation where I'd take on the form of the daughter my parents never had, with a proper figure - I'd have even more explaining to do to the same people, although I don't know how much easier it'll be in church than if I had a fast-forwarded transition. I don't know how I would look like in those circumstances, apart from being fairly small.

[Sissy_Michelle]

Thank-you PaulaQ.

There was a lot of great points in your post.

For me, if I woke up one morning and I found myself female. I am certain I would experience a lot of what PaulaQ outlined for us. I would be lying if I said I hadn't fantasized about being magically transformed into a female. More so when I was younger and could have gotten away with it easier. I think the shopping would be fun at first, but I have always had problems putting together outfits... What goes with what, type of thing. I am sure I would lose what friends I do have and would make a few more, though if they were my friends they would accept me for who I am or have become. I have already lost a few "friends" when I tried sharing with them that I crossdress... Though I have been curious about sex as a woman, I feel it would be a long process to understand my new body and how it now works. I am not naive to think that though I wear women's clothes, and wish to explore my feminine side more that sooner or later sex will be a part of it. To dress fully as a woman, act like a woman, experience life as a woman, you cannot think that sex wouldn't be part of it.

Although I cannot help but to think how much I would spend on clothes....

@--}----
Michelle

[Suzanne F]

Well what a thread. Let's see it wasn't really poof but I wake up in a different body now. But I have to tell you that being a woman really has nothing to do with my new body or my new wardrobe. I finally am able to be with other women the way I always felt like inside. There is no division now or herding into groups with other men. This doesn't mean I don't interact with men, it just isn't hoisted on me constantly. I value my relationships more now because they feel real. I am not an actor anymore, just another woman struggling to be me while taking care of my family.

So as far as sex. I am not really having any yet. My vaginal canal has some scar tissue that is still being treated. I have my own breasts now and I am very pleased with the cosmetic success of my operations. However, I have to say that it is a long road for me to get where I want to be sexually. I am still married to a wonderful woman but our sex life is most likely over. So having the correct body hasn't translated to a perfect sexual connection yet. I strongly believe it will happen. I am being patient with myself as this is a very complicated situation. Years of suppressing being bisexual can't just be waived away especially when my marriage and family are fragile right now.

If you can honestly approach this question as just a fantasy good for you. However, if this causes you distress and envy as you read mine and Paula's account then good luck. I wouldn't change a thing but it is not for the meek!

Suzanne

[PaulaQ]

If you want to know who you'd sound like if you literally went *poof* and became a woman over night, watch Caitlyn Jenner on "I am Cait". She is about as good of a simulation of this in the real world as we can reasonably have. Her physical transition took some time, but she spent ZERO time on interacting with others as a woman before appearing, fully formed, on the cover of Vanity Fair Magazine. As a result, she's a mess, despite having the coaching efforts of the most with-it trans women in history.

Seriously - this is what it would look like. BTW, please don't take this as my hating on Cait. I actually have some respect for her. Nevertheless, she is an excellent cautionary tale of what happens when you try to "*poof* I'm a woman now." Most of the people I know who've tried this lack Cait's resources and so they fail because of that, and even as they look better and better, they have no real feedback from anyone, so they don't really know that they are "done". Don't try this at home.

[Swish]

… then of course stare in utterly confused bewilderment when I come home early only to discover my husband hopping around on one leg trying to pull my pantyhose over his freshly shaven and lotioned leg, one ankle bent sideways in his high heel, suffering a girdle, tight bra, lipstick, long painted nails, and an erection, trying madly and desperately and hopelessly to be just like a woman.

[Lea]

First a big shout out to PaulaQ for her post on this thread.

If I was turned into a women I have two things I would love to experience.

My brother was recently in town visiting and we went out to eat. Near us was a large group (10 to 12) of women eating out. They were laughing, smiling and enjoying each others company. My brother told me you would never see a group of guys doing that. I would love to have that type of social relationship over how guys act.

I had my daughter pass away. Except for two my male friends did not know what to say and avoided me. The vast majority of my female friends gave me the emotional support I needed. I would like to be part of that group.

Both men and women have different social expectations. Then of course are the physical differences. Factoring all those in if I could choose and not hurt my family I would choose female. When I dress I love the feeling of being who I am.

Going to work in an office setting, vacations and just experiencing life as a woman.

[SometimesKairi]

Um just carry on with my life as it is.
My life isn't great but its my life.
It wouldn't be a different life as a girl

[Teresa]

Suzanne,
Thanks for that, if it's seriously on the cards then making light of it is not the way to go. I'm beginning to see the implications now I'm out socially, the TSs in our group are well worth talking to. Life hasn't been easy for any of them, they passed through the CDing part which was hard enough but transition is far harder . It's so good to be in a position now of being able to offer a few words in support and hopefully have a few laughs .

Swish,
Some of us have to reflect on it, not all of us have a partner who will see the fun side of dressing, DADT is cruel and destructive at times. I have had the odd spot of humour with my wife over CDing issues and those rare moments are uplifting, every time they happen I hope so much they will be the start of something better but most of us know we take one step forward and two back most of the time.

[Lorileah]

just a note, remember THIS section is visible to non-members, especially GGs who come here for a little info and enlightenment. Joking can be hurtful to them and snide comments come off as a discredit to the other TGs here and men in general. This thread shows exactly why TGs and GGs don't communicate well. There have been a few comments by TSs making the point that we do live in the world of "poof, you're a woman" now and we have to survive in a world where we are treated as "less than" men. We have to hear the innuendos that we have lost something we had before, like our brains (I can promise you I am just as smart now as I was 30 years ago...probably more so), the abilities to do things any man can do. The ability do do some things is not dependent on have male genitalia. The male (privilege) thinking should have been lost years ago. When someone makes a "joke" about another person based on any difference, be it gender, color, ethnicity or any other difference, it shows their true feelings about how they feel they are "better than".

What you see see as fun hurts others at their expense Be nice. OR better yet walk a mile in their shoes. Try really "poof"ing and get a new perspective. Crossdressers have the advantage of when the going gets tough, they can revert to the safety of male privledge.

[sometimes_miss]

Poof ! YOU now get judged ! On your looks,[all aspects of] your assertiveness[or submissiveness] your desirability...etc..Not an easy life.
Instead of Poof! You are judged on your height, musculature, status in the community, assets, income, how nice of a car you own/drive, whether you can physically beat up the next guy, and what type of job you have.

Both sexes get judged. Just on different things.

[StephanieM]

That's true we all have certain privilege, and we all have certain things stacked against us.