Bi-Gender, Two Spirit

[AliB]

I am truly wondering about having two genders instead of one. Most of my life I have been both. I have been through purges, denials and finally acceptance. Od course it has been complicated by marriage. My spouse knows about my condition and accepts it but does not want me fully dressed in he presence I have become a master at underdressing both at home and in public. My yard is my refuge and I spend a lot of time there en femme when I can.

Anyone similar?

[GretchenM]

Hi Ali,

My identity sometimes splits into two rather distinct gender identities. It was much more common a few years ago, but now it is an unusual condition. Not knowing your story it is hard for me to say, but at some point you may find the two merging into one identity that includes everything from the two and you may find yourself sliding along a continuous scale that has a far greater range of gender behaviors than most people have. That is the way I am now and I believe it was a result of my brain getting very tired of dealing with two identities - way too much stress. So, my brain merged them into one broad identity that is far less stressed and satisfies all the needs - or at least most of them.

Techincally, bigender usually means that there are two genders with each having a distinct personality. Cogender is where there are two gender identities but one is a boy version and one is a girl version of the same identity and personality. Some find that transitioning solves their problem, but in my experience most may consider it but do not act on it because it is so hard to maintain a gender reversed state 24/7. All male transitions and then finds that as a transwoman sometimes she wants to be male/masculine. It didn't solve anything; it just reversed it. I made it in full femme about 18 hours one time, but that is not quite enough to support transitioning. I have read that hormones sometimes helps stabilize on the more femme side, but to my mind that is forcing something that should be psychologically fairly solid before the hormones are taken.

I know what you mean about the difficulty of this condition when married. I came out to my wife a little over 4 years ago. Before that it was sneaking, secretiveness, purging, and all kinds of negative stuff that can eventually lead to some real psychological difficulties. It is far better to be honest and open and adapt to not only what you need but what the spouse is comfortable with. When I came out, she was scared at first, but now she is OK with it. We both went to therapy. However, she has never seen Gretchen and doesn't want to. But Gretchen the person she is familiar with and she has found she is kind of nice to have around. Gretchen does a lot of the women's things around the home as well as arts and crafts for the home and as gifts to others as well as other things usually associated with women but in male made. It is kind of like having a husband and a girlfriend all in one package. In some ways, our relationship is better now than it was before. But looking the part is not where she wants me to go. She knows I dress sometimes when she is not around and that is OK. She understands there is a need there.

Gretchen

[AliB]

Thank you Gretchen
A few years back I left a shopping list for Ali on the table. When I returned home with new new bras and panties as well as make up we had a long chat. She told me she wanted me to be happy and since then I have been because it is in the open.

[Tracii G]

There are a lot here that are two spirited and quite a few threads about that subject.

[docrobbysherry]

I always wonder how u can tell u r 2 gendered instead of simply one gender somewhere between male and female?:straightface:

[Diane Taylor]

Does it really matter what gender we are or whether or not we're "two gendered" or one. Just enjoy whatever you are.

[Dana44]

More like gender fluid and be happy that you are. I do not underdress and only dress male or female.

[Tracii G]

Another case of someone feeling they have to fit in a niche or gender box.
Just be yourself and be happy.

[Maria Blackwood]

It's hard to enjoy when you start to actively dislike the side that matches the physical body.

I can't be myself without fantasy or actual magic. Not everyone is wired up the same.

[Becky Blue]

Thanks again to Gretchen for putting into words sop well what I want to say. I used to think of Becky and my male persona as two people but now more and more i think i'm one identity with facets.