Considering coming out to a coworker

[Lexi Moralas]

Hey girls , it's been a while since I posted.
But I'm back. So I am considering coming out to a coworker. I know he supects I am a CD. The way thing sit now I could kill his suspions no problem. But if he starts dropping bread crumbs I am tempted to follow them down the path to coming out to him. Not sure if that's the best idea though.
It would just be so nice to have some one to talk to about it all.
Any thoughts

[Stephanie Julianna]

I have gone down that path a few times. When I was in my 20's in the late 70's I had a job with an agressive and up and coming drug store company. I worked my way up to district manager and was on a fast track to Regional. I became good friends with an HR woman who also had worked in the trenches with me before she went in the corporate direction while I stayed in the retail part. I so wanted to tell someone and she was a good friend, and a fashion plate as well. Long story short, I told her and even though my district continually doubled sales budgets consistently I was called into the office and told I was being demoted to store manager with no explanation. This was the 1970's and they could do that easily. I did not take the demotion and within a week I had a new and better job with a 25% raise. I did contact her afterwards and confirmed that it was my confession to her that caused all this. The morale of the story is study all the possibilities.

[sharonsdream]

Things were very much different in the 70's. I was discharged from the USAF early for CD. Honorable discharge because of inpecable service record. Wouldn't happen now. It really irrates me now as I loved what I did and would have made a carreer out of it.

[CONSUELO]

You should carefully analyze this before making a decision. I remember almost letting a colleague know but I thankfully didn't. Afterward I realized that telling that person would have been a huge mistake as I saw how he treated other people's confidences. Why did I almost reveal my secret? I think it was because keeping ones crossdressing secret is such a huge burden that it seems like a relief to tell someone.

There are many examples here of members taking small risks that could result in their cross dressing being discovered by accident. I don't know why we do this but it is a very bad idea.

Make sure you really know the person very, very well before doing this. Also think carefully through the reasons why. What advantage will accrue to you by telling this person?

[Diane Taylor]

I came out to a pair of co-workers back in the 90's. One was male , the other was female but both were in the same sales position I was in. They were not management. Because of my appearance....light makeup, pierced ears, and gender neutral clothing, I'm pretty sure many if not most of the others probably had suspicions about me. The corporation I worked for had an all inclusive policy and GLBTQ employees were welcome in the company. Everyone's situation is different and you're taking a chance by coming out. No easy answer to your question.

[sometimes brooke]

Lexi,

I would proceed very cautiously here. I know how strong the urge is to talk about it with someone whom you feel will be sympathetic and perhaps validate that what you are doing is perfectly fine.

Remember though that the pink fog can easily skew how you see yourself and your actions, but those not swimming directly in it may view things much differently.

I have had people who seemed sympathetic and "suspected something" and gave the impression that they were supportive, but in time I saw that they viewed it as a kind of an "unmasking game". They wanted to solve the mystery, and threw down those breadcrumbs for me to follow.

In time I saw they weren't actually interested in me, but were acting in their own interests to validate their own assumptions. I didn't take the bait.

Remember, these are people at work, whom circumstance has thrown you together with, not people you have sought out in the world.

People change, friendships come and go, relationships blossom and fade, coworkers have changing alliances, and once that Genie is out of her bottle there's no putting her back in!

I don't mean to come off as being negative or unsupportive, only cautious. If you really have considered this from all aspects and do fully trust this person, then it's wonderful to have someone to talk to.

But remember, that's what we are here on the forum for!...so anytime you feel the need to talk, there are so many of us here who are willing to spend some time with you.

Brooke

[Jenny22]

Hi, Sharon. Can you share with us how the USAF found out about your CDing? Sounds like a very interesting story!

[chelyann]

please think twice before you do , if you do i wish you the best of luck . please keep us posted

[Stephanie47]

I really do not understand the need to "reveal" inner secrets to others! What's the end game? Are you going to sit down with a man and talk bras and panties? Or the latest fashions? I find it interesting this man is "leading you on. As another has suggested there is the strong possibility he is trying to "solve" the question in his mind. If that is true what will come of the new information? Does he believe there is a gay sexual relationship on the horizon for him? Will anything said to him remain confidential? Or will he blurt it out to other co-workers? See how that goes?

If there is a psychological necessity to share your "burden" perhaps you need to find a support group of like minded individuals where you can truly let your hair down.

[Taylor186]

Why do you think this person would be interested in talking to you about crossdressing? My wife who's known for our entire marriage (17+ years) isn't even interested in talking about crossdressing and I'm not even DADT. If you really need someone to talk to find a counselor or a support group. Much safer.

[Tracii G]

Lexi I understand the desire to "come out" to one employee but if you do you will be out to everyone in no time.
The desire is strong I know because I have been there but I have to ask why and how will it benefit you or harm you?
Whichever you decide is up to you but be ready if things go south quickly and accept that if it does its your fault not theirs.

[sweetdreams]

Hi Lexi.

Like several others here I think it's a dicey situation, especially at work. If things don't go well you are stuck seeing this person every work day and he has the ability to affect your relationships with others at work. Sharing is much safer in a social environment where if someone doesn't like what you do, they can choose to not associate with you. The work environment is very risky.

In the end you will have to make your own assessment and live with the consequences. Let us know how it goes.

[Debra Russell]

I have a rule - I ask my self why reveal this to any one, what exactly is the need to know? The need to know rule has saved me many times............................Debra

[xNicolex]

Don't that's my advice. Some people can give the impression that their open minded but....... curiosity killed the cat and I fear that if you follow these ''bread crumbs'' it could spell disaster for you and maybe your career :/ so be careful

[Lexi Moralas]

All great advice girls thank you.
To answer a few of the questions
Yes I think his motivation is to get me into bed. I don't want to get into to many details but I believe we found our selves in a situation where we were having an anonymous email exchange. And we both got the idea of who might be on the other end of the conversation. I could be way off. it might not have even been him
He is a long time friends so I hate to lie to him if he asks me right out. But I think you girls are right , no good can come of it. At best he is cool with it but I have to worry about him telling some one. At worse he uses the information to pressure me into a sexual relation ship that I am not interested in.
Yep better keep it to myself
Thanks for clearing the fog

[sometimes_miss]

As always, proceed carefully whenever telling anyone about your being a crossdresser. Consider the worst case scenario which can result from you're coming out to this person, and if you can accept that, then go ahead. As long as you're OK with being out to the world at the very least. Because it seems few people can keep secrets.


I really do not understand the need to "reveal" inner secrets to others!

Most people feel the need to stop hiding and be liked for who they actually are.

[sharonsdream]

Short and sweet. I was young daring and stupid. Not a prayer of dressing at home. Would get panties and bras where ever I could.
One night I stopped by a laundry mat and checked the lost and found. Bra, panties and petty pants. Dressed like this I started driving around. Got stopped and taken to the police station. They wouldn't let me put my guy clothes back on.
Took them about an hour with me sitting there in lingerie before they charged me with disorderly comduct. They even took my pictures dressed as I was.
After that I was allowed to change. They took my lingerie and susposedly trashed it. The charge was relayed to the USAF.
Like I said young dumb and daring. That was a long time ago. Wish I had a do over but life has been good inspite of myself.

[Tama]

I am glad to hear that...been thinking about you and your situation lately...hope your getting a little better with it every day...it's a heavy load at times I'm sure

[Tracii G]

I have to ask this as well how can one get pressured into a sexual relationship?
If you don't want it just say so if he tries to force you say no again and have nothing to do with him.
Even if he is a long time "friend" you need to understand he is NOT a friend if he does that.
I don't see how people can be so weak to let themselves get into relationships they know are no good or marginal at best.
If this is at work that is a huge red flag for you to keep your mouth shut about what you do on your own time.

I'm sure people I worked with thought I was weird or gay but I kept my sexual preference and my TG lifestyle to myself.
People still wonder because I am still friends with some but still they don't need to know IMO.
I have this site and my trans support group to lean on if needed.

[kimdl93]

Personally, I would say that it depends...big help, huh? How close and how lengthy is this relationship, and what are the up and downsides. People may surprise you with their tolerance or betray you....so, be very careful

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Lexi:hugs:, I hope that it all works out for you,

Be sure to see line #4 in my signature..o:daydreaming:o..

[MelanieAnne]

Don't do it. Keep your personal life separate from your source of income!!

[LeannS]

Lexi
Keep it to yourself it is best that way and a lot safer

Leann

[rebecca_ns]

I have come out to several co workers, the HR manager, and the President and CFO of the company I work for. Each and every one of them gave been nothing but supportive. I was even asked by the HR manager for input on new LGBTQ workplace policies. However, every situation is different, and you have to tread lightly.

[Vickie_CDTV]

Unless you are close friends outside of work, don't. There is no upside and you could be giving your workplace ammo to use against you. Keep dressing out of the workplace (unless you are planning to transition.)

[Beverley Sims]

Don't pick up the breadcrumbs....

Look what happened to Adam and Eve with that apple...... :-)