Am i offending anyone

[Stacy Darling]

I do believe that my attitude could do with some work, but this is about my appearance. Well, it maybe about my attitude after all!

I doubt that I'll ever be as elegant as some here and live in my own little world, which I'll call "Half dressed world" for this. Which is a waxed, all nails highly polished and with a subtle touch of Power Peony lippy ( Maybe not so subtle ) and I don't hide my assets when I'm out and about and no I'm not subtle! But my outer attire is that of a male swimmer/surfer. ( I only dress fully when I'm home alone, especially after I had that "Oh, You are so confident" talk with my wife! That's a subtle Don't tell )

This question entered my mind today when I was grocery shopping. I was over the top and happily prancing about the store as usual when I was given this Death Stare, it literally took my breath away when I most needed it. To talk to her. The woman was a much more mature version of myself and I got the impression that given my appearance and my prancing about attitude that I may have been seen to be making a mockery of just about every person in every so called "category". I then pulled back into my spoilt brat shell!

So, with what I've described and with my appearance and attitude the way they are, am I being offensive to others in this community, am I making general acceptance harder for everyone. Maybe just testing the limits! Maybe I'm only concerned about me!

This is a serious question and I'll openly take any response I'm given, nasty or nice!

[Beverley Sims]

It appears to me that the only person you are affecting is yourself.
If that is your form of self expression, so be it.
I personally would act as if you weren't there.

[Helen_Highwater]

Stacy,

Clarify something for me please. When you say, "and I don't hide my assets when I'm out and about and no I'm not subtle!", assets is one one way GG's sometimes refer to their bosom. So are you "blessed" or are you wearing forms when out and about? I'm also wondering why, if you're "over the top and happily prancing about the store ", you and your SO think it's not a good idea to go fully dressed.

Most who do go out dressed talk about "Blending", and this in itself isn't a criticism, you however appear to be someone hard not to notice. Fully dressed and with a toned down demeanor you may just sail around almost un-noticed. Very few of us go around totally un-noticed.

Like Beverley, I'm pretty much each to their own, whatever floats your boat. It's a fact of life however that if you act differently there are going to be times when someone in the muggle world will react in a negative way.

One other thought struck me. Take the lippy and fingernails out of the equation, if you pranced about just the same, would you have drawn the same response? Was it your actions and nothing to do with your actual looks?

[Stacy Darling]

It appears to me that the only person you are affecting is yourself.
If that is your form of self expression, so be it.
I personally would act as if you weren't there.

Thankyou Beverley, Got it!

[Pat]

So, with what I've described and with my appearance and attitude the way they are, am I being offensive to others in this community, am I making general acceptance harder for everyone.

Being transgender is an individual thing. You have no duties or responsibilities to The Great Trans Collective. You be you. ;) (Though personally, the term "prancing" sets my teeth on edge. I presume you're not really "walking or moving around with ostentatious, exaggerated movements" but even if you are, you be you.)

[Tracii G]

I would think you are making it harder on yourself if you are expecting to be accepted.
Post a pic please so we can get an idea of what you mean by over the top.
The prancing thing why do you do it? Prancing serves what purpose?
Are you prancing so you look "gay" is that it? FYI I'm gay and I don't "prance" in fact the gay men I am friends with don't prance either.
You can be whatever you want to be and be over the top as you say but if you get an ass kicking or laughed at by some bloke/blokes its your fault.
It sounds like you are more of a fetish dresser so that is different than being TG IMO.

[Rachael Leigh]

Personally I don't get any of the point of this thead, and no I'm not blond
Rachael Leigh

[Stacy Darling]

Being transgender is an individual thing. You have no duties or responsibilities to The Great Trans Collective. You be you. ;) (Though personally, the term "prancing" sets my teeth on edge. I presume you're not really "walking or moving around with ostentatious, exaggerated movements" but even if you are, you be you.)
Thanks for letting me know that prancing isn't a term to be used, didn't know there was a negative! I am a bit Austentacious though!

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I would think you are making it harder on yourself if you are expecting to be accepted.
Post a pic please so we can get an idea of what you mean by over the top.
The prancing thing why do you do it? Prancing serves what purpose?
Are you prancing so you look "gay" is that it? FYI I'm gay and I don't "prance" in fact the gay men I am friends with don't prance either.
You can be whatever you want to be and be over the top as you say but if you get an ass kicking or laughed at by some bloke/blokes its your fault.
It sounds like you are more of a fetish dresser so that is different than being TG IMO.
Thankyou Tracii, when I posted this I had no idea that prancing was any different to what our horses do, and what can I say.
Thanks for the fetish dresser comment. That hit a nerve, and probably the one you were aiming for.

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Stacy,

Clarify something for me please. When you say, "and I don't hide my assets when I'm out and about and no I'm not subtle!", assets is one one way GG's sometimes refer to their bosom. So are you "blessed" or are you wearing forms when out and about? I'm also wondering why, if you're "over the top and happily prancing about the store ", you and your SO think it's not a good idea to go fully dressed.

Most who do go out dressed talk about "Blending", and this in itself isn't a criticism, you however appear to be someone hard not to notice. Fully dressed and with a toned down demeanor you may just sail around almost un-noticed. Very few of us go around totally un-noticed.

Like Beverley, I'm pretty much each to their own, whatever floats your boat. It's a fact of life however that if you act differently there are going to be times when someone in the muggle world will react in a negative way.

One other thought struck me. Take the lippy and fingernails out of the equation, if you pranced about just the same, would you have drawn the same response? Was it your actions and nothing to do with your actual looks?
Thankyou Beverley, I don't wear forms and am not bless'ed in that way.
And I do thankyou for your response, don't be so nice next time!
I also have no wish to stop using my polish or lippy and so to answer your last question, my actions! and I didn't like saying that.

[Jodi]

No. Not offending anyone. I have gotten that stare from women, and my response is to meet the stare eyeball to eyeball and give her a wide smile. I have gotten varied reactions from quickly her quickly turning away to returning my big smile.

jodi

[Stephanie47]

I still do not get the terminology..."prancing around." I get a vision of someone, like a little kid, skipping through a store saying through actions and behavior....look at me. It has nothing to do with wearing a dress or heels. It has to do with actions. If a viewer is predisposed to dislike someone or class of humans they will give you stares of disapproval. I know people who do not like African Americans. Or gays and lesbians. It will not matter what the gay or lesbian or ethnic person wears or does, they show their disapproval.

So, if one is doing something to intentionally draw attention to oneself with socially unacceptable behavior, then I'd say there is the potential to negatively impact a group of which you are a spokesperson for. I know there are people who will stare at any cross dresser with disapproval no matter how refined the presentation may be. That's the viewers problem.

[LeannS]

Stacy

You do what ever Stacy thinks is right don't worry about others.
Your the captain of this boat if the captain wants to prance about so be it
have a great time

Leann

[Stacy Darling]

Thanks Leann, might prepare for a mutiny though.

[docrobbysherry]

Stacy, since u have not posted any photos it's hard to comment on your looks. Your avatar certainly won't offend anyone!:heehee:

I have been accused of, "Being a bad representative of the community", here and other places.:sad:

I have found out that, that really means, "I don't approve of how u look!":thumbsdn:

U MAY get that, too. But, not until u post some pix of yourself!:daydreaming:

[Teresa]

Stacy,
I would say you are giving out a very mixed message, Please don't be offended by this but at 47 maybe some people don't expect you to behave like this . The only one you are creating problems for is yourself. There's no harm in going out but maybe you should decide what you want from your CDing and how you want to display it. If you want some fun it might be better to find a social group and dress for their various activities. We have St.Patrick's day coming up and then an Easter bonnet theme, later in the year is a Sixtieth birthday being celebrated by a Prom Night.

No point in making nasty comments , that's no help to you , you did ask a sensible question and deserve a suitable answer.

[Tracii G]

I suggested a pic as did Sherry to help us all know what your look is.
No reason to get all snarky with your comments. We have no idea what you look like so how would we know exactly what you mean?
I don't think I would be offended in any way by your actions because you are free to be you.
You are a new member and maybe you aren't used to the format here but we were all new at one time too.

[Jenny22]

Stacy, your second paragraph is confusing to me. It doesn't really indicate how femme you were dressed, if any at all. Your swimmer/surfboarder comment left me thinking you might have been waxed, polished and lipped, but wearing a Speedo. But, whatever ....
Unless you want to be noticed, however you're dressed, I'd simply suggest that you don't prance, but rather walk in a manner that suits your presentation.

[Stacy Darling]

yeh! I could be in on that but no!

[Becky Blue]

Stacy, there have been similar debates on various threads such as the one I started about the bearded lady. There are mixed opinions of course and no one is right or wrong. Some say it is a free world so you can do what you want as long as it is within the law. Others say that if you are crossdressing you have a responsibility to stay within what society deems to be normal so as to help gain acceptance of the T Community.

Naturally if you are pushing boundaries, blurring gender etc it will offend some people, as long as it does not upset you then cool.

[Suzie Petersen]

Dear Stacy,

To answer your OP question "Am I offending anyone" I would say that I wouldn't think so, but people generally seem to desire to be offended so who knows.

However .. you sure do confuse me!
I have read through this thread several times and I am struggling trying to follow the situation.

Here's the thing, from your description of the grocery shopping "Death Stare" event, and some bits from your profile, the image of the situation that I have in my mind while reading is something like this:

You:
Middle aged man "47", very muscular "Former steel worker", no body hair "waxed", having shiny nails "nails highly polished", obviously wearing shiny lipstick "touch of Power Peony lippy ( Maybe not so subtle )", wearing either just Speedos or a surfer body wet-suit "my outer attire is that of a male swimmer/surfer", very ego centered personality display "Can't Imagine A World Without Me !","I was over the top and happily prancing about the store as usual","Maybe I'm only concerned about me!" walking around in the grocery store while making a point of "strutting his male stuff in the speedos" "I don't hide my assets when I'm out and about and no I'm not subtle!" since you already explained that the "assets" you are talking about is not natural breasts or breast forms, I figure it might be your male bits instead, yes?. I dont know exactly what to make of the "Prancing", especially after your comment: "when I posted this I had no idea that prancing was any different to what our horses do". I am now trying to fit in what I have seen horses do ... but it is not really helping ...

The female spectator:
A relatively large older woman making an effort to be noticed while wearing a bikini or a skimpy swimsuit showing off her .. bossom "The woman was a much more mature version of myself" out grocery shopping on a weekday. Somewhere between Isle 4 and 9, she runs into you and that causes her to stop in her tracks and stare at you for a moment.

So no, if I had witnessed that, I dont think I would have been offended, but I just might have been slightly confused by the situation and I might have done what Beverly suggested and pretended I didn't see any of it.
Help me out here .. why did the womans reaction make you uncomfortable?? "I then pulled back into my spoilt brat shell!" It sounds to me like she may just have been annoyed that you might get more attention than she was!

- Suzie

PS: I'm glad you already said you would be happy to hear all comments and questions "I'll openly take any response I'm given, nasty or nice!". If you had not said that, I would probably not have been so direct about my confusion!

[Tracii G]

The original poster hasn't liked some of the responses given here and decided to get snarky so that tells me this person isn't a TG person.
Only CD's to be a spectacle and for the shock factor and is an exhibitionist more than anything.
I may be completely wrong but thats the way is sounds to me and its only my opinion so don't get mad at me.
I agree with Suzi you are confusing at best.

[Stacy Darling]

OK, board shorts and Hawaiian shirt is what I should have typed out, as that is my usual look and not Speedo's in public. Even I wouldn't go there!

I'm taking all of your posts in, and yes some do hit a bit close to home. So I can apologise for my smart remarks which are uncalled for and not necessary, but I honestly can't say that I won't throw out another smart remark in the future. I can't change that!

[Teresa]

Stacy,
At least we can't give you the " STARE " !

We can't dictate how you choose to go out, we all have different ideas of what's acceptable, the hope is we don't offend anyone, don't forget you're not the only CDer even in your neck of the woods, maybe you should think the effect a bad response might have on others.

[Suzie Petersen]

But .. there does not seem to really be any crossdressing involved, right?? No items of female clothing mentioned anywhere, just some lipstick, legs shaven and shiny nails.

Frankly, I dont thing my first thought would be CD at all, probably more likely I would have thought Flamboyant gay male!