Crossdressing in my life and saying it to my GF

[Roberto]

Hello, I just wanted to somebody to listen to my storie and give maybe me an advice.I know theres been lots of same stories but each storie is different because we humans are different.
Whole my life iv been keeping this secret. Started to crossdress since age 14 now I'm 22. I had up and down in my life. I'm pretty big loner. I had depression over 7 or 8 years.

And been crossdresing all those years. Crossdressing makes me happy to wear that all pretty stuff, kinda feels I do something that society would say shame on you ,your bad person or perv. Gives me the feeling opposite like im different maybe crazy and I like it. My mother let me crossdress first time I asked, if men ever dress up like girl .
And she let me. Now I like it very much, its the only thing that made me look at mirror and smile feel pretty maybe sexy,enjoy life,have fun.

I don't feel gay or attracted to men, I like the way those pretty women look. Dresses shoes and all the other stuff. I drive motorcycle train in fighting sports act like men do men stuff,but still I like to crossdress , or wear women lingeria under my clothes. It makes me feel comfortable different , a feeling that only us crossdresers can feel and know.

But here comes the hard part. Month ago I told my girlfriend about all this. And she was in shock. She asked if I want to be women full time or make surgery stuff like that ,I said no. She said she will support me and accept me, maybe let me wear women lingeria if I want, and after few days she's disgusted with this stuff that she hates hole world , and that im not normal.
The she says sorry, and ofc I understand because its big shock for her. We love each other so much, and I want to marry her. She the my only first and lasr love of my life.

But what I will do with my crossdressing?

She said I will support but now hate it, she will love me anyway, and than I have to decide she or crossdresing. She said pretty mean things, but she's very emotional and she have hard times in her life. I forgive her.

She said I should go drink Lsd and go and have fun with freaks like you. That hurts me very much.

What should I do, could someone give an advice or share your experience. Because im so despered. Crossdresing is part of me makes me feel happy and smile . But I love her so much.

I was so happy when she said I will accept you but, I got feeling she wont.

Any little answer will help me, because I have no one other to share talk or ask for advice.
Sorry for bad englishs im writing from my android.

[kimdl93]

I'm glad you came out and sorry about the mixed messages your getting. I suspect that the confusion and contradictions accurately reflect your GFs emotions. Such confusion and conflict are normal initial responses. However, Her cycles of anger concern me. its destructive and misdirected.

She may not be happy that she is faced with the options of embracing you in your entirety. Or moving on. But denigrating you only hurts and reveals a rather immature response that could pose problems in other areas of any relationship she has.

[Roberto]

We love each other. But im afraid she will never accept it. I want family and kids, but she said mu husband wont wear any of that stuff, how can Imagen my husband in lingeria.
I'm not a freak Ii would keep our jids out of this.

The problem is what will happen to me if I won't be able to crossdress anymore, and my gf will be sad or mad at me that I want to do that.
Its like she fell in love with me but with my problems too. She had her issue's and I had no problem accepting it listening or being there for her.
But when times comes when we have talk about this stuff..... we are arguing

[ClosetED]

Part of what you ask has been asked many times here - What will I do with my crossdressing? - if she wants me to give it up. The group that make up this site will tell you it never goes away and hiding it can only be done for a relatively short time and falling in love is one of the strongest ways to hold it off. She is confused as to what CDing is and what it likely may mean to the future. First you need to understand and then help her understand-this site has an area just for GGs (women born women) to help each other know what to expect.
Saying hurtful things does show immaturity, but that is not uncommon in early twenties.
So each of you need to learn more and give the relationship time to stabilize and work things out, if it is going to work. You can ask her to list her fears. But you may need to be ready to give answers that you may not know yourself now.
Hugs, Ellen

[RADER]

Roberto:
Welcome to the forum, Glad you found us.
If your GF is that against your dressing, That might never change.
I know from self experiences, that she will never change her views,
and you will never totally ditch or desires to dress. My first wife did not
approve of me dressing, so after 9 years of a real unhappy Marriage, we
where divorced.
15 years later, I found a real nice Girl that was OK with me wearing a dress.
We where Married, and spent 19 very happy years together; until she passed away.
What I am saying is you might try and cut your losses now.
better to break up before marriage than after. It will not be easy, but it might be the
best way in the long term.
rader

[giuseppina]

Hello Roberto

I'm old enough to be your father, and have had issues with depression to the point of suicidal ideation for reasons mostly unrelated to crossdressing.

You and your GF may benefit from a few sessions with someone with previous experience in gender issues. Gender is between the ears; sex is between the legs. They are separate issues, though they line up most of the time. Crossdressers are little different from a random sample of sufficient size of the male population.

It sounds like your GF may benefit from some sessions with a licensed mental health practitioner. From what you said, she may have issues in anger management.

Based on what I have read on this subject, it is my impression that crossdressing is innate and fully normal. Transsexuals have brains that are more like their chosen gender, not their birth gender. I seem to remember from physical education class in high school that if a male fetus doesn't get enough androgens at the right time in the womb, problems arise with the sex organs. Since that time, I have learned the male's contribution to the embryo (the X or Y karyotype) determines only the primary sexual organs found between the legs. Everything else is side effects from hormones and related events. It is plausible, to me at least, that a crossdresser or otherwise effeminate male did not get quite enough androgens in the womb to fully throw the switch from female to male. Female is the natural sex.

I don't think the parents have much control over what happens in the womb or after birth with respect to a child's gender; putdowns are pointless.

There is a very good sticky thread in the Loved Ones section entitled Now I Like It, Now I Don't. IIRC 10 posts are required for access to that section of the forum.

If your GF doesn't change her position, I advise seeking other partners. Nobody needs the drama you write about. At your age, you have plenty of time to find someone more accepting.

[kimdl93]

great points giusepppina!

[lingerieLiz]

You and her need professional help. Given her current view it would not be good to go forward until you two have resolved the issue. The chances of you changing are slim and she may become more resentful of you continuing,

[Stephanie_V]

You are young Roberto. It can feel like your current gf is the one, but you have to ask yourself 'Can she accept me for who I am'. It sounds like it might not be in the cards. A good discussion about it sounds in order. Lay out why you CD. Find out what it is that frightens her about it. For most CDers, the urge can be suppressed, but it comes back. If your girlfriend cannot accept it and its part of you, it would probably be better to move on. You would be happier in the long run I would imagine. Keep ypur chin up!

[sweetdreams]

Hi Roberto. Welcome to our world.

You asked us to share our experience. I posted my history in another thread (https://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?247255-MGTOW-A-possible-inspiration-for-DADT-afflicted-CDers&p=4060442#post4060442). I don't want to bore people and repeat it here. It gives in pretty good detail some of what I have been through in particular in relation to GGs I've had meaningful relationships with. It explains the path I chose and some experiences I had on that path.

I'm very leery to just come out and say what I think you should do. You are the one who has to live with the consequences of any decision you make. I would hate to think that I suggested something to you and you ended up miserable because of it.

It sounds like your girl friend is still processing the information and is having some emotional ups and downs as a result. Don't be in a rush. This isn't something that has to be decided now. Be patient and let some time go by. You care about her so give her an opportunity to do some thinking about it. Maybe the two of you can explore this site a bit together. There are different sections that might be helpful to both of you.

I will suggest that you be honest with yourself in who you are. The general experience from CDers on this site is that the crossdressing will not go away. Even if you can suppress it for a while, the urges will very likely come back. It certainly has been a part of me all of my life. It never went away for very long. I started when I was 5 and there was never a period of more than a few years where it wasn't part of my life. Once I accepted it as a part of me, things got better. I never thought I was a freak or weird (although I did my share of LSD). Crossdressing was just there. It was at my essence. This is not something to be ashamed of or embarrassed about. Don't apologize about it to anyone. It's a matter of fact, not really open to challenge.

Hope this helps......

[Roberto]

We are talking and discussing it , aswered all her questions. Its hard and painful to talk and say how I feel , because most part of life iv been, lving my life with poker face. But rather to talk about all this stuff, than sitting silent and looking at each other.

Thank you for answer.

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I can't promise that Cd will go away I don't know it. But its like part of me the more I resist the more I want to do it.
I have red that some men did win Cd thing somehow, but do they really won? I can bet those guys still thinks about it.

What I think ,we need time to talk discuss and so on. But I agraid to lose person that I have trusted 7, or 8 years first person ho knows about me and Cd.

I don't know if I could trust anybody else. I just had to tell her I love her and trust her. Im afraid of being alone again , afraid of depression.

Thanks for your time spent for answering me

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I could tell and write much more details. But it would be very long and I can't do it from phone.
Never had met someone with same problems or talked to anybody about this with someone.

What do with my parent's should I tell them some day?
If so it will take me time , very long time.
I don't know if they accept me knowing me like this, they are very conservative and I live in Eastern Europe where people aren't very open minded, so are they.

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Thank you alot. I will take time to help her understand talk and discuss. Maybe see some specialist. Maybe time will solve this somehow,but she is pushing me that this thing can go away for ever I I want it enough if I have the will to make it go.
Kinda feels she pushing me that I have to fight against this and it can go away,but im not sure. Itsl ike fighting against yourself. I can't imagen breaking up with her, cause yess she sometimes are very sharp, a women that only few men could handle women like this.

She have her own problems in family for many years, and thats way she's sharp and sometimes how to say it she says it straightforward in your faces what she thinks.

But still I keep supporting her no matter of what she do or say, she is nice and loves me much.
Oh god, only time will show us what will happen.
I'm so confused. We both have depression and problems but we still are together for 8 months soon will be 9 fighting together and solving problems with talking.

Some times I even started to hate myself wht I'm like this why I do this to her, that I'm not normal and cause only problems.

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Thank you everyone for sharing your experience and for advice, and for support. It means a lot for me. Especially support I can see that I will have it here.