Stupid is as stupid does.

[Helen_Highwater]

My SO has suffered a leg injury, nothing to do with me I hasten to add, that means she spends most of each morning in bed either resting or doing physio exercises.

This has meant I get time downstairs to dress as if she does decide it’s time to get up, it takes a while to get down the stairs and I can do a quick change before she descends.

I’ve come to realise that this is killing me, literally! At first I was fairly relaxed while dressed (just as pull on skirt and top) but as time goes by and my SO recuperates, she’s getting that little bit quicker and the margins reduce. Hence I’m finding it ever more stressful and while I still find I’m drawn to being dressed, the level of nervousness is such that it’s impossible to spend the time in anything other than a state of tension.

So I’m doing the logical thing. I’m forgoing dressing as the stress levels are such that if I’m not careful, I’ll have a heart attack!

I did consider what would happen if I did get caught and in a PM to someone on the forum describing my situation the question was asked, “Is there a suppressed desire to out yourself”. And yes the answer to that is subconsciously that’s a possibility.

What this episode has made me realise is just how drawn we are to dressing and before anyone say’s I should out myself, forget it, save your breath, it ain’t going to happen. What will happen is I’ll be appreciative of the opportunity I had. It’ll get filed under “Really, you did what!” I’ll regain control of my heart beat.

This whole episode has made me ever more conscious of the pull, the desire, perhaps the hold dressing has over me. Does this make it an addiction? I hope not as my plan is to stop these current activities. I know however it will be a conscious effort, a battle of wills, desire over logic.

What I will take away from this period is a better understanding of how deeply ingrained dressing is within me. I’m just grateful my old ticker is still going…. For now!!

[suzanne]

I dont think its an addiction. I would suggest is that, like me, you have a yearning to be free to be yourself, to be out in a world that doesn't mind how you dress (and maybe even enjoy the way you look!). Because you (and I) are not 100% free, we spend a lot of energy dreaming about it and looking for opportunities. If we had complete freedom, our attitudes would be more relaxed and matter-of-fact.

[docrobbysherry]

I suggest u keep going the way u r, Helen. If you're anything like me? You'll get so stressed at the thot of dressing, u may give it up!:eek:

When my daughter moved in with me full time at age 18, my dressing time went from relaxed and fun to fleeting, risky and stressful! After almost being caught a few times, I HAD to tell her!:sad:

Now, we r DADT. When I'm going to dress, I yell her when and she leaves or hides in her room. Dressing is FUN for me again!:heehee:

[Kelly DeWinter]

Common Symptoms of AddictionThose who are addicted to substances or behavior may exhibit any of the following symptoms:
* Secretiveness and attempts to hide the extent of their addiction
* They can begin to lose interest in activities they previously liked
* Increasingly focused on the substance or behavior
* Lying and other unethical behavior
* Defensiveness
* Financial problems
* Criminality
* Work problems
* Family problems
* Loss of interest in personal hygiene and grooming
* Unexplained disappearances
* Mood swings
* Depression
* Suicidal thoughts

I don't see leaving a spouse upstairs with a bum leg while dressing in women's clothes on the list , buuuuuuuut you might want to take this time to shower attention on your wife during her time of need. It will defiantly be appreciated and gain you points in the "You really love me" department. :)

[kimdl93]

I struggle with this. I think there can be an addictive aspect...the release of endorphins is a commonality to all pleasurable experiences. It's when the desire to repeat the experience...and repeat the endorphin high begins to take precedent over other life experiences, then yes, it's an addiction. Kelly's list is pretty thorough. Just remember that any one of those indicators could be a sign of addiction. Or compulsive behavior... when behavior begins to damage aspects of your life...you need to step back and ask if it's healthy or if it's harming you and oryour loved ones.

I feel that I allowed my need, desire, obsessive compulsive streak become destructive in my life in several of those dimensions. In my case, I did permanent damage to a treasured relationship.

[Shely]

Well I certainly have the first three things on the list and I do look at as an addiction. I am getting only short times to dress lately since our daughter has moved back in with us and it is causing me some tension. I used to get Fridays off to dress all afternoon and it was great. Now I don't know when I will get another whole afternoon to bring Shely out. It wears on a guy/gal.

[Geena Gee]

Have you considered installing a Bat Pole with the quick change feature?

Seriously, I hope all works out for you, and you can get back to your normal routine.

-Geena

[DIANEF]

I think I must have it pretty bad. MANY of those things listed could apply to me, (though just for the record there is no criminality or suicidal thoughts involved). Right now I spend the majority of my time just looking forward to a Diane day, other days just seem to pass by with me barely noticing them. I changed jobs a few months ago because of the days I was in, and I'm now after another for the same reason. I have many hobbies, but save my money for buying girl stuff. Is it an addiction?, I don't know, maybe Suzanne has got it right....

[Leslie Langford]

OMG Helen!...I can SO relate to your story...and almost word for word - LOL!

Almost exactly a year ago, my wife underwent knee replacement surgery on her right knee and was bed-ridden initially for a couple of weeks in our upstairs bedroom, slowly graduating to a walker afterwards, and finally being able to laboriously make it downstairs under her own power, albeit with the help of a cane. And yes, I did the same thing as you, along with experiencing the identical anxiety-inducing stresses associated with those occasional dressing opportunities.

Like you, I was continually drawn to my crossdressing needs like a moth to a flame despite these unusual circumstances...the potential consequences of accidentally being "caught" while doing so be d*mned. Is it an addiction or a relentless compulsion on our part? I'm not about to speculate or get into semantics over what might actually only be a fine point of distinction between the two. All I know is that this is an innate need that we have...one that will not be denied, and we dyed-in-the-wool CDers will always find a way to indulge in this passion of ours no matter what obstacles are placed in our way...

[Jacqueline85]

Helen, you seem to suggest that you will stop crossdressing before your wife finds out. Many on these forums have tried and many have failed. I don't think it's an addiction. I think it is part of us. A part that society suppresses. If society accepted crossdressing, almost none of Kelly's symptoms would arise. (Financial problems might arise if I could wear different high heels to work every day.) That being said, getting caught is definitely not n good idea in a relationship with a SO, but spilling the beans is. You are hiding a large part of yourself from your wife, and that's never good for a marriage in the long run. I told my SO about it years ago and she was shocked and confused and worried at first, but she accepted me for me. Of course there is the risk of ending up in a DADT situation, but I kind of think that's better than hiding and the repercussions of broken trust when you get caught. Perhaps some girls here who did come clean and end up in DADT situations can tell us whether they would prefer to wind back the clock and go back to hiding.

Best of luck on whichever way you decide to handle this.

[Teresa]

Helen,
Like me you now go out socially , I can't remember if you said your wife knows, but mine does, she still doesn't want to see me dressed however. The problem is once we've been out the door the home restrictions become tedious, we know we can go out and mix with people and get acceptance and yet it doesn't happen in our own home . Don't forget it is also our home and we should have the same rights as our partners . I guess we should be able to say that we have the need and are prepared to rise early and have an hour to ourselves to dress as we choose. I think I could get away with that with my wife, I wear a nightie in bed , her rule being that's fine but don't flaunt it, I wear her silk dressing gown first thing and take morning tea to her in bed wearing it .

It is stressful because you're out of the closet and yet you're not, how you resolve that I can't say each situation is different, I hate the feeling now of those snatched moments, it just feels ridiculous , as if we're being treated like a naughty child and we're doing something bad. It shouldn't still be happening at our age, what difference is it going to make to our partners ?

[CONSUELO]

Helen,

Time to stop hiding and come out into the open. Your are what you are and your are OK. Nothing to be ashamed of here.

[Michelle (Oz)]

To tell or not to tell is a difficult decision.

Coming up to 5 years ago I told my wife of 3.5 years that my desire/need to dress had returned. That started 6 months of some very tough times. Rolling the clock forward to now she still doesn't want to see me nor think about me dressed but knows that I do. Time has overcome her shock and healed her concerns about the future. She still wants her husband and doesn't want her image of me changed.

The reward of disclosure is a feeling of honesty and my pleasure is not diminished by the fear of discovery. There are significant upsides in revealing.

[Joni T]

It's very simple, really. All you have to decide is which is more important to you--dressing up or keeping your marriage intact? Hmmmm?
Jon

[Stephanie47]

i don't know what Joni's comment "Hmmmm" exactly means. I will venture sometimes there are things in marital life that arise above self interests. I believe Helen is making it harder on herself because she is trying to "grab some crumbs of time" as I call it. "Oh, if I could only get a hour or half hour or ....." It'll make you nuts. I've mentioned before on other posts my 7 1/2 hour days of being en femme because my wife is off from work due to a back operation and then breast cancer since April 2016. Do I get antsy on occasion? Yes! I still get some fulfillment from being on this site, and, buying clothes that in all possibilities I may never get to enjoy. Just put dressing on the back burner for awhile. I look at my situation from my wife's viewpoint. There has been a heck of a lot of things she has not been able to enjoy.

[Helen_Highwater]

[h=2] you might want to take this time to shower attention on your wife during her time of need. It will defiantly be appreciated and gain you points in the "You really love me" department. :)[/FONT][/COLOR]

Kelly,
Trust me, I have been super attentive. I've not been lax in attending to her every need.


Helen, you seem to suggest that you will stop crossdressing before your wife finds out. Many on these forums have tried and many have failed.


It's very simple, really. All you have to decide is which is more important to you--dressing up or keeping your marriage intact? Hmmmm?
Jon

Jacqueline, Joni,

I'm not planning to give up dressing, just to stop doing it while my SO is in the house, albeit not very mobile. The stress I'm inducing onto myself takes away any pleasure and could impact upon my own well being so the sensible thing to do is just cease this morning activity.

Thanks to all who replied.

[Beverley Sims]

Helen,
You will just have to modify your activities to fit in with your circumstances.

It may be fresh in your mind at the moment but you will soon find windows of opportunity to ease the burden.

All the best.