Please don't out a sister

[RylieCD]

So today was my dr appt and recently I have been scheduling these so I can attend as myself. I also take some me time in the nearby stores. So today I wasn't quite feeling it but decided to go ahead with my day. I was actually pretty impressed with the make up (darn it I forgot to take a picture) and was feeling pretty good. Did some shopping and went to the appt. afterwards I thought I could take a little bit more time and went to a couple of more stores. My last store, I was checking out and the cashier had to welcome me as "I'm trans too" my already deflated balloon just lost all of its air. They continued to reference the trans issue and had to show me they were wearing their "boobies" too. This person acted like a gitty 13 year old. Here I thought I was somewhat presentable only to be embarrassed by a another?

[ClosetED]

This topic has come up before - do you show support for a sister, letting them know that they are not alone and a chance to make a friend, or leave them be or just support them with a "you look nice ma'am" or "love your shoes!"
Hugs, Ellen

[~Joanne~]

We do say a lot here that it's not good to approach another sister while out. Unfortunately there is no absolute "rule" pertaining to this and while we all discuss whether it is proper or not, this sister, the one you met at the store, may or may not be a member here, may have just gotten really excited she met someone like herself that she got carried away in the moment and to be honest, you approached her, even though she was the cashier. I am not making excuses for the cashier but if your going to be out there, you have to expect these things to happen.

[Lana Mae]

Sorry you were outed! If you go out though, you have to be ready for this! Just chalk it up to experience and move on! Better luck next time! Hugs Lana Mae

[stlmichelle]

Is there a secret handshake we could do? Seriously though, I would be giddy too, although I wouldn't act the part. I sometimes feel all alone in my neck of the woods, so to see a sister out and about would make my day. I have read other posts about this subject and wouldn't out anyone, but that is a good idea to compliment shoes clothing ect. that would be little way of acknowledging you.

[terza]

seems to me, you're "shooting the messenger," especially since she was all in the spirit of camaraderie... which isn't this whole is about?

[deebra]

Look at the glass as half full, you both had "You Know What" tucked in panties and you were both wearing a bra; that ain't bad for two dudes that bump into each other!!

[Tracii G]

No need to get all butt hurt over the other one saying they were trans too.
I think you were being overly sensitive. it just shows when you think you have the presentation down and looking good the reality is you still look like a guy in womens clothes.
Now for me that would make me work harder on my presentation you it seems will run off with your tail between your legs and be all pissed about it.
Who's fault is it she knew you were not a female? Certainly not hers.

[Princess Chantal]

Gosh darn, so close to being able to post a "I went out today and totally passed" type of a thread. Burn her on a stick for opening her mouth and appreciating with being able to interact with another transgender person enjoying being herself in the real world.

[Vickie_CDTV]

A dirty little secret of the trans community is that many don't pass as well as they think they do. I know that is awful and harsh, but it is what it is. Everyone was nice to you today, so even if you didn't pass it was all positive. Yes, it is bad form to "out" someone like that, bad form and bad judgement perhaps, but she didn't do it to be malicious, she probably didn't know better. She was nice to you, she may not ever see trans people where she lives. Given she is FT (I assume if she was working en femme) she should know better... but again, it was ignorance not malice.

Also bear in mind a trans person can probably read a trans person easier than the general population.

[Tracii G]

Things like that happen and you just need to let it slide off your back.
The person probably didn't know any better and said it before actually thinking.
No reason to get pissed.

[Tiffany in heels]

Hello I don't come on here much but one thing is for sure. I would love it if I was dressed and someone who was also a cd/ts talked to me by telling me they were also dressed. It would make me feel like I was not alone.

[ClosetED]

Another viewpoint - you did not mention you could tell the cashier was TG, so she outed herself to you when it was not apparent to you. You were read by another TG who may notice smaller details.

[Judith96a]

I'm 99% certain that every SA that I've ever interacted with as Judith, and was other than clinically blind, has known​ within the first few seconds that I'm a crossdresser - I'm not fooling anyone at that range! So if any of them had whispered, "I'm trans too", l wouldn't have been in the least put out, just glad to meet a sister.

[CONSUELO]

Perhaps cross dressers are just more skilled at detecting the small signs and can recognize a transvestite more easily than some. I'm sure the person was just trying to be supportive, so don't get too upset.

[Tiffany in heels]

I feel I can spot any TS/cd almost always. I don't think there are many girls that would make me think she's a GG. I hope no one takes that in a bad way. But I would hope someone would say "hey I'm trans too". I would give me some relief as I know I'm not fooling anyone. My goal when dressed is to not get hard looks. Just enough to get by when people aren't staring directly at me.

[Stephanie47]

Rylie, what occurred is a lot different than other threads. In other threads the question is always "Should I run up to another sister and compliment her on her presentation?" Of course, I always think if I was to do that or it happened to me, then my presentation was not 'fool proof.' However, you encountered a situation that was interaction caused by buying something. Maybe the sales associate 'gushed' too much over you, because it made her day.

Does it bother you if a GG were to compliment you are your makeup, hair, clothing, total presentation? Wouldn't that be classified as being 'outed?' It seems many threads on this site do express some sort of accomplishment to get approval, but, that also means she was 'outed' during the encounter.

[Rogina B]

You were not "outed" in ANY damaging way ! What makes you think you can pass close inspection ? This person was just excited by seeing another of his own breed in the store. Water off a duck's back...

[Beverley Sims]

Try to take up the moment in the spirit it was presented to you.
Even if you just smile and agree, with the spirit of the moment, that is enough.

Do not feel hurt or embarrassed, no need for it.

[Julie1123]

This topic has come up before - do you show support for a sister, letting them know that they are not alone and a chance to make a friend, or leave them be or just support them with a "you look nice ma'am" or "love your shoes!"
Hugs, Ellen

After coming across a trans person that works at one of the local stores I frequent I've been thinking about this a lot. Wanting to let them know they're not alone, that there are others like them, that there's nothing wrong with who they are. In the end though, I decided it was better to just treat them like I would treat anyone else. I think that will go farther to bolster confidence than anything else.

[Lorileah]

Trust me, we KNOW we're not alone and if anyone thinks that making a fuss makes anyone fell better, it is just One step short of a neon sign saying "Hey look here! I noticed you should too!"

Water off a duck's back huh? You have no clue how scared that person was and how much courage it took to be out and calling them out may have just ended any confidence they ever had.


Call me out and I will burn a hole in you with my eyes that will show sunlight for weeks

[Rogina B]

Lorileah,It was not "calling someone out" in the real sense of what is possible. I am surprised with you for what you said.

[barbara gordon]

I get out at least twice a week . I have been pushing to three and four days a week. If and (when) I run into someone else who is trans I will greet them with a subtle smile and if they want to respond they do . Body language will be the indication if they want to talk a little more . I have beenon both sides of this question . what is the limit of how familiar can you be with a stranger? Well , of me - I actually like to be acknowledged by a fellow gender trans person. I like to hear a compliment from someone who actually understands this . it is probably obvious to anyone that i am natal male and presenting as a female. i am over that part. that is what gives me the courage to actually get out into the public. A nice comment or a nice greeting from another person who might be like me is actually a confidence builder and a good validation for me . it doesn't mean that I want anybody to make a big scene about it .
A nice subtle greeting is usually possible in both directions. I think its ok.

- - - Updated - - -

I agree with this idea. We can probably read each other faster than "noncrossdressers" . It falls into the "takes one to know one " theory.


Communication with fellow Girls out in the public can be good , but there has to be limit to the drama in any greeting that we should have with another crossdresser or gender trans person .. jumping up and down like a thirteen year old is probably an attention grabbing gesture . so some discretion is good, but I still think its a nice thing to meet real people in real time .

[Paula_Ann]

I do not feel comfortable around other dressed crossdressers while I am also dressed... although it has only happened twice. It really kind of freaks me out. Chatting on the phone or online chat doesn't freak me out just the in person stuff.

[Danitgirl1]

I suppose intent is everything...
There is a world of difference between 'being outed' thusly: 'Hey look a <insert expletive of choice> tranny <or other nastier slur>!' and
being outed thusly: 'Hi... I am a friend/ally/fellow transgender person. I know what you are going through. Wanna talk?'

The first is obviously malicious and is vile and beyond the pale.
The second is well intentioned and may also be a plea for company and support from YOU.
I am not even sure the second can be called 'being outed'. It is really just someone being friendly and supportive (assuming it is done sensitively and as privately as the situation allows).

Of course everyone is free to follow their own values and beliefs but I would see nothing wrong with a fellow TG person approaching me discreetly and quietly in good spirit...
The truth is none of us 'pass'. We all have slips, tells and other giveaways. Me may pass some of the time. We may blend in very well... But to people who KNOW what they are looking for (ie another TG person)... Well they will spot you.

I wouldn't let it bother me.
of course the malicious outings where people seek to hurt and embarass others are total BS and are really a form of hate speech and abuse...

Having said that IF you are tempted to say 'hello' you had better be 100% sure. Also you had better be prepared for someone to take it amiss... So maybe better to keep quiet.

Maybe in a store is not the best place to have this kind of discussion...

[barbara gordon]

I have been through this a bunch of times. The most common greeting i have given is simply "hi, you look great". Its friendly and it opens doors...

[Teresa]

Rylie,
You don't say if you were the only one at the checkout, if you were maybe you were overreacting , if she was intent on embarrassing you then it's a different matter . I guess if you go out dressed it's the chance you take having reactions like this , as you felt so-so about dressing maybe you should have given it a miss.