Dealing with negative comments.

[Teresa]

The members of my painting group that know about my Cding often ask if I have any new pictures when they know I've been out socially. Last Friday was a St.Patrick's day theme so some of us had some fun with it, as you can see in the picture. I was just talking a one of the lady's in the class, she had the picture in her hand when one of the male members walked by, so she handed the picture to him, he just smiled and handed it back. When the the lady went to get a coffee , he said the pictures did nothing for him and in fact felt uncomfortable seeing them. I actually thanked him for being honest and if he minded telling me his reasons . He said they convey a confusing message because he doesn't understand it, he then said that assumed I wasn't gay . He said crossdressing only happens behind closed doors in private so why did I need to show or tell people, when I explained the my situation and that of many others his face lit up, he truthfully had no idea what a TG goes through and apologised for his initial comment. I thanked him again for being honest with me.

He then went on to ask about my social group and was astonished to discover that some are well into their eighties in fact one will be holding two BBQs at her home this year, I also added that a TS member had commented that her clinic had some TSs in their eighties still wishing to transition. He then again apologised for not understanding what it actually meant to crossdress, but it would never make sense to him so I added join the club !

https://www.crossdressers.com/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=274384&stc=1&thumb=1&d=1489847007

[Jodi]

I don't think his comments were negative at all. He was inquisitive and showed some courtesy.

jodi

[docrobbysherry]

I know exactly how he felt! Meeting my first ever dressers at the SCC in Atlanta nearly 10 years ago. Everyone's photos here were so flattering. So, when I arrived at a hotel where literally everyone was a man in a dress?

At first, I couldn't believe what I was seeing!:eek:

[Helen_Highwater]

It's the mission of the BBC; Big Busted Crossdressers, to Inform, Educate and sometimes entertain. I think his initial response is perhaps typical of many in that they don't have a true picture of what folks in our community actually do and the sheer diversity of those taking part. They certainly don't understand the motivations, trials and tribulations and also the pleasures that it entails.

I think you can chalk that one up as a successful interaction and educational dialogue.

[Teresa]

Sherry,
You really have to go with flow with that one, dressing to most deals with what's in the mind, the appearance is secondary . I personally do wish some would make more of an effort, we meet socially so they only have to ask if they can't do certain aspects of dressing. We have wig and clothes sales, and some makeup guidance.

Helen,
I forgot to mention that I told him that I'd asked the tutor if I could attend dressed, he said before this conversation he may have objected, but if's that what I truly wanted or needed to do he would go along with it.

[Stephanie47]

Teresa, thank you for educating at least one more person. I think transmen and transwomen are totally misunderstood. It's apparent when one hears or reads the vile discourse going on with "bathroom" bills. The people I know and converse with on the topic seem to accept the premise/fact people are born into the wrong body. Cross dressers? Not so much. Cross dressing seems to fall into limbo......not wishing to transition, but, still emulating women. I can see where the misinformed believe men wearing a dress may be gay. That belief has been floating around forever.

Sherry, I suppose when a person, female or male, posts a picture here or elsewhere they post the one which looks the best. The best lighting. The best smile. How the head may be tilted. And, so on. I view pictures on the net of cross dressers and there are many sites where I truly cannot tell whether it is a man or a woman. With any woman who wears makeup, wash it off and many times the person appears totally different. Maybe the issue with attending a cross dressing function is your mind is expecting to see men in dresses, so it is predisposed to find telltale signs. I haven't seen any pictures of any hirsute men in dresses on this site, but, I can only assume there are many members who do not have the opportunity to shave off all their body hair. Heck, around my small city I see many many women who may be cross dressers, but, I do not have the mindset to figure out their birth gender.

[sweetdreams]

Teresa, I applaud your willingness to be out in public with your crossdressing. I haven't done any of this and I'm feel this is a next step in my evolution. My feminine side wants to get out the front door. I need to do some serious work on my presentation (i.e. makeup, style sense, wig, etc.). Thanks for being an inspiration by sharing your stories.

[Karyn Marie]

Awesome thread. Teresa you look beautiful in your St Patrick's Day outfit. I have started looking for the BBC/Big Busted Crossdressers. Is that a group? I can't find it anywhere.

[karrin]

I should make more of an effort, with make up, but time and inexperience prevents me. My thanx to you Teresa, didn't know if I was all alone or not. when I look in the mirror I wrinkle my nose. (giggle) but when I pull a new pair of thigh-hi's over shaved legs with panties and matching bra I start to smile :) add slacks and a white satin blouse, showing a faint outline of my flowered bra, I feel pretty

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btw nice outfit Teresa :) be safe... karrin

[Teresa]

Many thanks for all your comments, I have to admit it's not going so well at the moment, I really need to move on so I went into my group this morning no caring too much if the whole World knows or not. I asked the lady ( she's lovely by the way !) if she received my Email , she didn't think she had so I produced the picture instead just to have some fun with her, the guy walked in at that moment . I was in right mood to deal with it , he's a nice guy so I kept it polite , I'm pleased I did because he accepted the conversation well , it's the first time I've had a negative response so I guess it went well.

I'm trying to do my little bit to help the cause, it's part of the reason why I'm prepared to show my pictures, most of the charity shops now know me in my own town and the city 12 miles away . I would like to think the next time a CDer goes into those shops they will get a welcome response .

The picture wasn't the best posed one I've done , there was a very cold wind going where you don't usually feel one and it was raining so it was a mad dash ! Thanks for your comments despite that .

Karrin, talking of hosiery, I was wearing lace topped stockings but the lace and stocking had parted company so I had to resort to PS to retouch my right leg ! I usually carry a spare pair so I went off to the disabled toilet to repair myself and change into a skirt I could actually sit down in !

[Becky Blue]

Well done Teresa chalk up another convert to the I am ok with trans people cause. I admire the fact that you went up and spoke to him about it, it would have been a lot easier to just let it be.

[Teresa]

Becky,
He's a nice guy and very active for mid eighties, he's had a tough time only recently his wife walked out on him, none of us could believe that could still happen at that age , so we've all supported him through it., I know there's a hidden agenda behind that , I suspect he's bi-sexual but he's never said anything and I would never ask.

[Rogina B]

Do you feel that you are explaining the difference between "those that need" and "those that want" ? Pictures are about those that want and presenting as yourself to the world is about "needing to". A CD person can go home and change and no one is the wiser. A trans person that faces discrimination is someone different. I hope this is the message you give these people.

[Tracii G]

You did very well Teresa.Even if it is just one person thats a step forward IMO. Huge props to you !!

Ro does make a good point there is a huge difference between a CD and a TG.
This is what I try to get people to understand along with the misconception that CD's are all gay.
Once you explain most people are not that freaked out by it.
I did that the other day when I ran into a female friend. She had no idea that I was TG but did recognize me in girl mode in G&B shoes.
She was taken back at first and uneasy I could tell so I asked her to join me shopping as friends and if I could buy her lunch.
She accepted and I told her all about me and what being TG is like.
She had no idea and asked the gay question and the usual "do you want to have a sex change" all the regular questions.
When we parted she said she had a whole different outlook on the trans subject and thanked me for helping her to understand it.

[Teresa]

Rogina,
The answer is yes I did , as I said I mentioned that I'd asked to attend the group dressed , and I also mentioned that I would respect the feeling of other members, if the group number drops below ten Art Centre would shut the group down. If I affected that in any way the loss of the group would mean so much to me and many of the others.

I also talked to him and two others about not knowing how much longer I could go on with my situation as it is, they all understood that it's more than just being a CDer.