Afraid to dress in public

[JessicaB.]

I want to start wearing more feminine clothes in public and I thought the best way to start would be by wearing my women's skinny jeans that aren't overly feminine. I did it last Saturday when I went to Kohls, the grocery store and cvs with my mom and felt self-conscious the whole time, luckily we didn't spend very long in each of them. I wanted to do it again this weekend but my fear of being outed as wearing women's clothes (or if someone i know saw me wearing them) got the best of me so I forced myself to wear my regular pants. Any tips on how to get over this fear? I'm young and trying to teach myself to not care what other people think of me but it's hard. So any advice would help!

Thanks!
Jess B.

[Laurana]

If the jeans aren't overly "girly" looking people really don't notice or care. Men and "skinny" jeans have gone hand in hand since the 70's so it's not like you'd be the first young man to wear them.

So just put your pants on and walk out the door.

[Lana Mae]

I wear women's jeans most of the time. If they aren't really super decorative, then no one will notice and probably won't if decorative! I wear my shirt tail out so no one gets to see my jeans or the woman's belt I am wearing! Do not worry! I wore blue nail polish with silver sparkles to the grocery store and the manly macho men seemed to be grocery shopping that night and I know at least 3 of them saw my nails and they did not look or speak! You can do it and will be fine! Hugs Lana Mae

[Shely]

you my want to start with the straight cut jeans, they feel great and don't stand out quite so much. Try the thrift store you will find dozens of pairs and you can try them on to your hearts content before purchasing. I have traded all most all of my men's jeans of women's. I love them.:battingeyelashes:

[Becky Blue]

In a way Jessica part dressing can be more challenging than going out dressed fully enfemm. If it is at all possible to go to a town or city where you don't know people , find a professional makeover place that can not only transform you but also take you out. You are then in 'camouflage' as well as supervised.

Dressing with feminine items is more daunting and more likely for people to think hmm what is he doing.

[Melissa73]

in essence, baby steps! I know how fearful it can be. But over time, I do little things..... womens jeans for starters. if it's cold, a jacket or sweater will cover your bra (even stuffed)

[Pat]

Bluejeans are bluejeans. After you've worn them a few times you'll realize it's not a problem. Then go buy a few pair and throw out your guy jeans. ;)

[docrobbysherry]

Jessica, if u r afraid of being outed? Maybe u aren't ready to go out dressed yet. When u no longer care about being outed, u may not mind so much when folks make comments or give u the fish eye!:eek:

Most dressers reside in the closet and r quite happy there. Why? Because we don't want local folks to know we dress!:battingeyelashes:

I go out dressed a lot. But, never close to home or to vanilla venues, if I can avoid it. I'll NEVER get used the comments, chuckles, and rolling eyes!:sad:

[Ashley090]

Hey Jess!
It realy depends on if you wanna just wear more feminine clothing or you aim to go out completly as girl. In both cases, baby steps are realy essential. Your fear is in your head only and you need to convice your mind, yourself that there is nothing to be afraid of.
You can start as I did. Little things, neutral things. I start with girl's hoodie and what is so girly on it? Nothing! Well besides tighter cut then guy's hoodie but nobody ever notice that (besides my mom saying "isnt that little bit too small for you?" :D ). Jeans were next. Classic cut or normal cut jeans same. Mostly. Again nobody will bat a n eye. Skinny jeans are more girly yes, but only bcs ppl think is girl's only fashion. Actualy skinny jeans for guys are "in" these days and if you have legs for them then no worry there! Go for it!. But be prepared to buy some handbag since you cant realy put stuff in pockets. See that, unisex but little bit girly handbag is another piece you can add to your look.
Doing these little and innocents steps you can introduce femine clothing to your day to day guy's life and build confidence. Then one day you can step out as girl completly.
Just dont be afraid and dont get turned down if someone have negative comment! And read my signature ;)

[Beverley Sims]

Welcome to the forum Jessica, start off by wearing jeans and later a top that is less masculine after this you need to go all the way and wear a bra and a wig.

Yes it is a big step but you grow confidence as you go down the pathway.

[jane_wills89]

I started off by wearing women's shirt and a men's zipper jacket over it. That way I knew that I was wearing something femme inside. Slowly built up the confidence to unzip it and finally was able to walk confidently without a jacket. I 've personally felt that most times it's just my head imagining things while in reality people are just going about their business

[Mark B]

I 've personally felt that most times it's just my head imagining things while in reality people are just going about their business

Exactly! :)

[Helen_Highwater]

Hi Jess and welcome,

So you went out in skinny jeans and what happened? Nothing! As you didn't write anything we can only assume that you didn't get any remarks, you didn't notice anyone giving you the evil eye stare, no mobs with pitchforks and torches. Folks here, like me who don't pass, go out fully enfemme and yes we get read. Goes with the turf but like you experienced, folks just go about their business without bothering us. I will however sympathize by adding the caveat that I don't go out dressed close to home on all but very rare occasions so I understand your concerns about locals reading you.

The problem is, if you want to start wearing femme items while out more and more then there's a bullet to be bitten. How do you do that, JFDI, Just Flippin' Do It. The more you do it the easier it becomes. One thing you might try is wearing them around the house for as long as possible prior to going out then when you do it won't fell as significant. You've also chosen the right environment to go out in. You're far less likely to find anyone talking notice of you in a busy store than anywhere else.

[Jenny22]

Hi, Jessica, and welcome to this fabulous forum! "with your mom"... how old are you? Do you live at home? That would help in advice given to you. Do you have any other girly garments? Are you able to adequately secure them someplace?
Tell us a little more about yourself, and how long you've felt as you do. We are here to try to answer your questions and to offer advice as best we can, but to do so, more personal info is needed, if you can give it.

[Micki_Finn]

I can understand wanting to work up to full femme a little at a time, but honestly that wouldn't work for me. It's full guy mode or full girl mode. Can't go out "in between". I feel like when you're only half done, you're a guy in women's clothes, and that will stand out to people. When fully femme I'm presenting as a woman and that's generally how the average passerby perceives me.

[Ressie]

Me too! I just don't want to come out to family members mostly. And there's a chance that I'll run into someone I know that very well may tell someone in my family. I've also been self employed with my own business for a long time. I'm known by many people in my home town as a guy so I'm leery about going out dressed unless it's in another town.

But I did step out last week - my first time out in my home town and my first time out dressed alone.

[kimdl93]

Your thoughts control how you feel. And sometimes your feelings can influence your thoughts. Feeling self conscious is a case of baseless apprehension planting corresponding thoughts and vice versa.

No one will notice Women's jeans. Darn few will even notice if you're wearing women's sandals, even if they have low to Medium heels. And unless they get right in your face, light eye makeup won't be apparent.

[JessicaB.]

Hey Jess!
It realy depends on if you wanna just wear more feminine clothing or you aim to go out completly as girl. In both cases, baby steps are realy essential. Your fear is in your head only and you need to convice your mind, yourself that there is nothing to be afraid of.
You can start as I did. Little things, neutral things. I start with girl's hoodie and what is so girly on it? Nothing! Well besides tighter cut then guy's hoodie but nobody ever notice that (besides my mom saying "isnt that little bit too small for you?" :D ). Jeans were next. Classic cut or normal cut jeans same. Mostly. Again nobody will bat a n eye. Skinny jeans are more girly yes, but only bcs ppl think is girl's only fashion. Actualy skinny jeans for guys are "in" these days and if you have legs for them then no worry there! Go for it!. But be prepared to buy some handbag since you cant realy put stuff in pockets. See that, unisex but little bit girly handbag is another piece you can add to your look.
Doing these little and innocents steps you can introduce femine clothing to your day to day guy's life and build confidence. Then one day you can step out as girl completly.
Just dont be afraid and dont get turned down if someone have negative comment! And read my signature ;)

Hey Ashley! Your right I eventually want to go out as a girl completely. That's a good idea with the hoodie, I'll probably try that! I've actually been looking at cross body handbags on amazon because when I went out I put my stuff in my sweatshirt pockets and it ended up looking funny because it weighed my sweatshirt down. I'll try my best not to be afraid.


Hi Jess and welcome,

So you went out in skinny jeans and what happened? Nothing! As you didn't write anything we can only assume that you didn't get any remarks, you didn't notice anyone giving you the evil eye stare, no mobs with pitchforks and torches. Folks here, like me who don't pass, go out fully enfemme and yes we get read. Goes with the turf but like you experienced, folks just go about their business without bothering us. I will however sympathize by adding the caveat that I don't go out dressed close to home on all but very rare occasions so I understand your concerns about locals reading you.

The problem is, if you want to start wearing femme items while out more and more then there's a bullet to be bitten. How do you do that, JFDI, Just Flippin' Do It. The more you do it the easier it becomes. One thing you might try is wearing them around the house for as long as possible prior to going out then when you do it won't fell as significant. You've also chosen the right environment to go out in. You're far less likely to find anyone talking notice of you in a busy store than anywhere else.

I'll try that next time. I didn't think about it like that. My thinking was if it is busy a lot of people there that means there will be more people looking at me. I was thinking about going to a different town, It's just a matter of finding something I want to do in that town.


I can understand wanting to work up to full femme a little at a time, but honestly that wouldn't work for me. It's full guy mode or full girl mode. Can't go out "in between". I feel like when you're only half done, you're a guy in women's clothes, and that will stand out to people. When fully femme I'm presenting as a woman and that's generally how the average passerby perceives me.

I know what you mean, I don't like the guy in women's clothes look either. Did you just practice doing makeup and all the other stuff until you felt you would pass? Maybe if I don't like trying to ease into it, I'll do that.


Jessica, if u r afraid of being outed? Maybe u aren't ready to go out dressed yet. When u no longer care about being outed, u may not mind so much when folks make comments or give u the fish eye!:eek:

Most dressers reside in the closet and r quite happy there. Why? Because we don't want local folks to know we dress!:battingeyelashes:

I go out dressed a lot. But, never close to home or to vanilla venues, if I can avoid it. I'll NEVER get used the comments, chuckles, and rolling eyes!:sad:

That's what I'm afraid of, I can't stand when people do that. I feel like if I wait until I no longer care, I'll be waiting for a long time.


Hi, Jessica, and welcome to this fabulous forum! "with your mom"... how old are you? Do you live at home? That would help in advice given to you. Do you have any other girly garments? Are you able to adequately secure them someplace?
Tell us a little more about yourself, and how long you've felt as you do. We are here to try to answer your questions and to offer advice as best we can, but to do so, more personal info is needed, if you can give it.

Thanks! Just think young, I don't really want to give my age right now. Everyone I live with knows about my crossdressing and are pretty accepting of it, except for my brother who is somewhat alright with it he's just more close minded about these things, so there's no real reason to "secure" anything, I just keep them in my room. As for feminine clothes I have a few things, but are pretty noticeable as women's clothes if you look at them. If you want an actual list just let me know and I can make one. It just started getting serious in November.

Thanks everyone for the advice! I appreciate it.

Jess

[Tracii G]

Welcome Jessica
Its girls jeans for me. I like them better and they are more comfortable so thats why I wear them.
What are you worried about is my question? There are no jeans police out there to get you.LOL
If someone sees you what can they do?
I wear most all kinds of girls jeans plain pocket, fancy pocket,skinny ,boot cut ,no pocket,side zip whatever and have for years and not one of my guy friends has ever said anything about them.
Its all in your mind and the only one that has a problem with it is you so you need to ask yourself to stop being fearful of what others think.
Wear what you want and don't worry about it.

[Ashley090]

Hey Jess,
If everybody you live with already know that you like to cd, then your "gates to girly life" are wide open realy! As Jane said 90% of our fears are just in our minds. As far I can say when I was outside in half mode (jeans, hoodie, littlebit feminine hanfbag) that none of my catastrophic scenarios didn hapend! No ppl running on street,screaming and pointing in my way like I have some deadly disease. Nor when I went out completly as girl then no SWAT teams with armored cars and helicopters waiting for me behind corners trying to arrest me or shoot me down (well if they were there then they were pretty sneaky :D ). So yeah no worries. Put on whatever you feel comfortable in and hit streets!
Also as it has been stated here many times, if you look confident then ppl even "try to avoid you" in term they mind they business twice bcs you ll look like that person you dont wanna mess with.
Also about going out in "half mode". Most of cd's so far don't wanna look like "guy in dress" yes, but there is nothing wrong with little bit feminine guy look. Also stepping outside as girl is harder then said, especialy when go full girl mode for first time. Again personal experience, I did try to do it this way but it did not work. Always ended in doorway frozen by my fear. Needed to build confidence little bit over time. Highly recomend practice makeup skills until point you feel that you can pass and not seeing guy with makeup in mirror but rather little bit boyish girl, it boost your confidence o lot.
Build your confidence piece by piece, small victories and break down walls of fear you build around you.

[whorton]

Wow, interesting thread, and it brings back lots of memories.

I started crossdressing at age 13 back in 1972. Slowly at first, (I was in 8th grade) and by 9th grade, I had to take a semester of English at night. During that semester, I decided to wear panties under my regular jeans and was in total fear some would notice panty lines. . . No one did. .

It progressed to wearing a 36B bra under a jacket on occasion, no one noticed. .

Over time, I have added much more and a few weeks ago, I took a girlfriend to an outdoor street fair wearing a long black skirt, black blouse, ballet flats, tights and in guy mode. No problems. . no funny looks, no problems. BUT it is not something I would do anytime anywhere. . Use a bit of common sense. It is tougher in Junior high as your sphere of roaming is small, as is your group of friends. News travels fast in such condions.

But when you get out on your own, you have so much more freedom. I have been wearing a 38B with breast forms under scrubs (to work) Tee shirts, Tiki shirts (loud patterns) Dark shirts and no one has ever noticed as far as I know. . Likewise with womens jeans, and ballet flats (black with Black socks) it does not stand out and people are not likely to mess with you. . .

Good luck on your journey. . evolving is part of the fun!

[Tracii G]

Ashley is right.
It takes baby steps to build up confidence so thats what you need to remember.
None of us here just decided one day to dress as a girl and everything was perfect.
Lots of practice with clothes and make up is a slow process that takes time.
Patience, practice, trial and error are all part of the game so don't give up.
If your look is awful one day and you are not happy don't worry you just learned what not to do.
Keep trying new things each time you dress up and you will find what works for you.

[Helen_Highwater]

Jess,

You wrote;" My thinking was if it is busy a lot of people there that means there will be more people looking at me. I was thinking about going to a different town, It's just a matter of finding something I want to do in that town."

Ask yourself this; if you've spent 30 minutes walking around a busy store shopping, if asked, how many people in there could you give an accurate description of? In truth you may have noticed one or two but most just don't register. For all the other folks in the store, you're one of the ones that didn't register.

What to do in another town? Go shopping. Just meander the mall. get used to simple being you getting out and about amongst the muggles. If you find something you like, ask too try it on and buy it if it suits. Stop and have a coffee and a bun. One thing I'd recommend is go find a store that'll give you makeup advice and find out what foundation, blusher, lippy etc suits your complexion. Word of warning; be prepared to part with your money. Even the basics can set you back a few $$$'s but it can save you in the long term as you won't waste money on stuff that doesn't suit you.

[Andrea Chenowith]

Another voice to the "Just Do It" chorus... I do my weekly grocery shopping in leggings and a sweatshirt. Sure, they're black leggings, but they have unmistakably femme detailing - one pair has a mesh panel that wraps around the calf, while another pair is Lululemon - but I've never been asked or harassed and I've never perceived any undue attention.

I've even made runs to Home Depot in them without any trouble. And tying back to the opening line, I even wore a pair of dark blue/black print Nike Epic Lux tights to Home Depot the other day without any comment. I needed something, ran out without thinking about what I had on, found it to be much ado about nothing.

If you're really afraid, it might be helpful to have a reason prepared to deflect - for me, it's that the leggings are insanely comfortable and my wife likes the way my butt looks in them.

Both true, BTW. I wore the leggings to drive to my in-laws for Thanksmas - our Thanksgiving/Christmas mashup since my wife's siblings are a-holes - and my wife commented on them as we were walking around getting settled.

Our conversation:
"Are you not wearing anything under those?" No; bunching/sliding issues.
"Hmm.. I hadn't noticed until now." You were looking at my butt?
"Yeah. I really like the way it looks in those pants, I just hadn't noticed that you weren't wearing undies until now." :-D :-X

[Jean 103]

First you need to think hard where you are going with this. This isn’t an easy question, and something only you can answer. I would suggest going all in. take a dive to a different town. Go to safe places like a big grocery store where you have to stand in line. Once you master your fears you will be able to go anywhere. Forget about that blending, perfect women stuff. Be the best Crossdressing TG person you can be. Be nice and courteous and I think you will be amazed how people respond. People mostly respond in kind. They have their own lives and just don’t care.

[Periwinkle]

Going out of town really helps. I have a much easier time being out and about when I know for sure that no one who knows me is gonna see me.

[Ashley090]

Going out in different city will require to drive in girl's mode. That itself arise other things to overcome. Get in car if you don't have in front of your house, hope cops wont pull you over, learn some high heels driving skills. No matter what, you can still met ppl you know in different city. Personaly I would like to do walk in different city but I dont know them, I mean places where it is safe and what places to avoid there. In big stores there is way too much light :)

[Ressie]

I do some changing of clothes while parked somewhere, sometimes. Crossdressing isn't illegal in the US, so getting pulled over by the police shouldn't hold one back from driving while dressed. But I don't like driving with heels on. Changing shoes before getting out of the car isn't a problem.

Being seen by someone you know in another town is slightly possible but they won't recognize you unless you come face to face with them. Of course I'm assuming we're talking about being completely transformed (wig, makeup etc.) rather than going out with an androgynous look.

Some CDs also get a hotel room in another town so there's plenty of time and privacy to get dolled up.

[Diane Taylor]

Jess,
Most of us were afraid when we first started dressing in feminine clothing but the fear was for the most part unwarranted. Trust me when I say that 99% of the people won't even realize what you're wearing and the rest won't care. The best way to overcome this fear is wear your girl jeans whenever you go out in public. The more you do it, the less you'll feel self conscious about it. After you get over the fear of women's jeans you can add a female t shirt, tank top or shorts and even girl sneakers.

[JessicaB.]

Hey Jess,
If everybody you live with already know that you like to cd, then your "gates to girly life" are wide open realy! As Jane said 90% of our fears are just in our minds. As far I can say when I was outside in half mode (jeans, hoodie, littlebit feminine hanfbag) that none of my catastrophic scenarios didn hapend! No ppl running on street,screaming and pointing in my way like I have some deadly disease. Nor when I went out completly as girl then no SWAT teams with armored cars and helicopters waiting for me behind corners trying to arrest me or shoot me down (well if they were there then they were pretty sneaky :D ). So yeah no worries. Put on whatever you feel comfortable in and hit streets!
Also as it has been stated here many times, if you look confident then ppl even "try to avoid you" in term they mind they business twice bcs you ll look like that person you dont wanna mess with.
Also about going out in "half mode". Most of cd's so far don't wanna look like "guy in dress" yes, but there is nothing wrong with little bit feminine guy look. Also stepping outside as girl is harder then said, especialy when go full girl mode for first time. Again personal experience, I did try to do it this way but it did not work. Always ended in doorway frozen by my fear. Needed to build confidence little bit over time. Highly recomend practice makeup skills until point you feel that you can pass and not seeing guy with makeup in mirror but rather little bit boyish girl, it boost your confidence o lot.
Build your confidence piece by piece, small victories and break down walls of fear you build around you.

Okay! I'm sure I had the nervous look when I was out so I'll just remind myself to at least look confident. I could see myself getting frozen at the door too. I've been thinking I'll try that look, seems to be a good starting point. I will practice once I actually get makeup. That's another problem, I buy all my clothes online because that way I don't have the face to face interaction with people. You can't really do that with makeup. I've been trying to build my confidence up to buy something like mascara but every time I go to the isle I get nervous and just walk away.


Jess,

You wrote;" My thinking was if it is busy a lot of people there that means there will be more people looking at me. I was thinking about going to a different town, It's just a matter of finding something I want to do in that town."

Ask yourself this; if you've spent 30 minutes walking around a busy store shopping, if asked, how many people in there could you give an accurate description of? In truth you may have noticed one or two but most just don't register. For all the other folks in the store, you're one of the ones that didn't register.

What to do in another town? Go shopping. Just meander the mall. get used to simple being you getting out and about amongst the muggles. If you find something you like, ask too try it on and buy it if it suits. Stop and have a coffee and a bun. One thing I'd recommend is go find a store that'll give you makeup advice and find out what foundation, blusher, lippy etc suits your complexion. Word of warning; be prepared to part with your money. Even the basics can set you back a few $$$'s but it can save you in the long term as you won't waste money on stuff that doesn't suit you.

I'll keep that in mind next time i'm out. Eventually I'll go to MAC and do one of those one on one appointments so they can show me how to do that stuff and that way at least I can buy the right foundation and stuff then that looks good on me because your right I really don't want to waste money. But until then I'm going to try other things like mascara and other stuff that doesn't require an exact match. As for just walking around the mall I really don't like doing that even when I'm in drab because if I don't have a plan to buy or do something I kind of feel like I'm just wasting time walking around. And I would focus on what everyone around me is doing, staring, chuckling and whatnot.


Going out in different city will require to drive in girl's mode. That itself arise other things to overcome. Get in car if you don't have in front of your house, hope cops wont pull you over, learn some high heels driving skills. No matter what, you can still met ppl you know in different city. Personaly I would like to do walk in different city but I dont know them, I mean places where it is safe and what places to avoid there. In big stores there is way too much light :)

Now that's another thing too. Obviously I don't plan to get pulled over but getting in an accident is always possible! I would love to meet friends in another city, put the problem is not only am I not out to anyone outside my family, but I've never really had much of a group of friends, and the ones I did consider friends I stopped talking to for a whole lot of reasons. And there's only so much you can do with your mom until you start to feel like you should be doing stuff with people your own age. And yes I feel the same way with safe places in other cities, always a concern of mine. Thanks for being so helpful by the way! :)


Jess,
Most of us were afraid when we first started dressing in feminine clothing but the fear was for the most part unwarranted. Trust me when I say that 99% of the people won't even realize what you're wearing and the rest won't care. The best way to overcome this fear is wear your girl jeans whenever you go out in public. The more you do it, the less you'll feel self conscious about it. After you get over the fear of women's jeans you can add a female t shirt, tank top or shorts and even girl sneakers.

Unfortunately during the weekdays when I'm out in public I'm most likely in my work clothes because if I do anything it's usually on my way home from work. But any other time I can I will wear them!

[StephanieM]

I'm more scared to dress partially in public than to dress fully. Sunday night I had a bit of courage and went out to dinner with the wife with me fully dressed it was a blast and cashier said she liked my nail polish. On the other hand if I had been in drab I would have been mortified to be caught with nail polish on.

[Tracii G]

The more people there are the less you will be noticed that is what I have found to be true.
If something bad were to happen ( a jerk giving you a hard time) the more people to be witnesses to the event which is actually safer.
If you go somewhere where there are very few people others will surely notice you.

[Briana7]

I enjoy a nice drive while wearing heels and some leggings. I went through Dairy Queen and it felt pretty good. I think this whole thing requires baby steps. I took some initiative and told my best friend so I have someone who knows, but it's not out in the open yet. It's just that wonderful fantasy of shopping for women's clothing and being able to try stuff on that keeps driving me.

I bought a silicone bra at younkers recently and it was the only thing I purchased. The woman was a bit on the silent side, I just imagined myself wondering she might think beforehand, but then I realized I wanted it bad enough so I went through with it. Baby steps all the way.

[Scarlett398]

I'm with you, Miki...It's either fully getting my girl totally on as cute and sexy Scarlett or going in full guy mode. No in between with me either. I found out a few months ago that while dressed as Scarlett, no one could tell that I was not a girl. You can tell from all of the photos I have posted by now. Scarlett is definitely not a guy in girl's clothes while out in public. She's all girl and there's no doubt about that! :daydreaming:

[Sandin Meknickers]

I think if i get the chance with the SO I'll be full on fabulous first time out ever and probs put the pictures on fb and still not have to come out. Had mates do as much and more on stag dos.

Not sure but in front of people you just have to rock up and wing it. Be quick and remember you get out what you put in.

[ClosetED]

Welcome to the Forum Jess!
I have driven pretty once and that was at night, since my wife is fearful of the neighbors finding out. I drove home in women's jeans, since she left them in my closet.
So you can wear the jeans out and if anyone ever calls you on it, you can say - what women's jeans? I didn't think they were women's jeans. They were in my closet and I just put them on. you can do that a few times to see if there is any reaction and having a prepared alibi may help with confidence. Then you can progress from there. Don't think you could pull that line with the bra however :)
Hugs, Elen