Defiance

[TrishaTX]

so, for those of us married, or DADT or whatever where there is not full acceptance, do you sometimes feel that you actually want to dress more or underdress more because of the non acceptance? I am not saying you wouldn't dress...I am asking do you sometimes dress as an act of defiance???

[Aunt Kelly]

Interesting question, Trisha. I'd have to say no. I don't deliberately do that, though it feels that way sometimes. My wife has certain boundaries, and while I absolutely don't push them, at times I can tell she's still uncomfortable.
Then again, when I got my ears pierced it was about half wanting to be pretty and half feeling like it was just time to wave the freak flag a bit. Not at my wife mind you. She was all for it, but I was aiming more at the world in general. Nobody cared. :( But I have a terrific collection of earrings started now. :)

Again, though, bottom line, I really do have the space I need to express as I need to, so being girly really doesn't feel like defiance.

[Tracii G]

I think you should defy sometimes just to let your wife know you aren't a simp.
A simp is:
A man who puts himself in a subservient position under women in hopes of winning her over.
In the case of a married person its more like not doing what you want to do just because she may not like what you want to do.

[SaraCanonmill]

I've been wanting to get my ears pierced but am honestly always afraid people will notice too much lol. But I don't think it's that weird in today's day and age especially in my age group. I wanted to gauge them down to a 0 or 00 though because I adore gemstone plugs and have for a few years. I bought it up with my mom one time who told me it was "a little gay" lol. Little does she know about me dressing and now that I live​ with my SO I'm a lot more free but still reluctant. Not just with family but people at my job or job interviews as I'm still in the process of finding a job that benefits me in experience and not just crap money. So for me id honestly be glad of people didn't notice it everyday.

I feel like if I were in a DADT myself though if have more shame dressing then I already do, so I can definitely see what you mean by defiance but me id probably dress less and feel miserable.

[Beverley Sims]

Atone time I did push it a bit, but, this also resulted in progress.

Don't push it too far though.

[Dana44]

Ah we push things because that is us. But on this subject pushing boundaries can be dangerous to the relationship as I have found out. Yet one still pushes. LOL Uh huh, But I finally found one that love me unconditionally. But two marriages and countless women. So go ahead and push.

[GaleWarning]

I used to (dress as an act of defiance), but not any more! Now, I dress because I want to and because I am now so much better informed about who I am, than I was all those years ago.

I am so grateful for the internet and this website, in particular.

I'm also divorced, so Kim is correct about defiant dressing being destructive, although I now realise that this played only a very small part in the break-up.

[Tracii G]

By being defiant I don't mean in a destructive way just assert yourself and let your partner know you have needs too.
Sara if you have a good paying job with benefits tiny earrings are not a huge deal but if you go with gauges and plugs thats as bad as face piercings.
They look very unprofessional. I know that shouldn't matter if you can do the job but it DOES matter to your employer and they do sign your paycheck.
The comment "a little gay" you should have asked your Mom what is that supposed to mean?
Would she call a 400 pound biker gay because his ears are pierced? I don't think so.
Getting your ears pierced in today's world is almost a non event.

[Tania75]

For me, I don't want to so much dress more, however I still dress when I am home alone, but make the most of the opportunity, which means fully dressing including full clothing and makeup and wig.
I have decided that I will always devote "our time" to my partner, but "me" time, when my partner won't be home for a while, is Tania Time.

[Teresa]

Trish,
I know it's not the right road to go down, and would never do it , OK on occasions when my wife comments I will look stupid or like a granny I would like to prove her wrong, but that's not my reason to do it, I have satisfy my inner need . To go and and dress to defy is asking for putdowns and harsh words, if one day she asks me to dress for her I would happily do it , I think she is in for a shock !!

[Lacey New]

For me, there is no defiance since she does not know about my CDing. However, sometimes when i am frustrated or stresses, I find the urge comes on maybe a little stronger and dressing can ease things - at least temporarily.

[Stacy Darling]

Defiant, Maybe!
I'm in the non acceptance / tolerance situation now. I've gone from underdressing 24/7 and dressing when possible to about half that amount since we had "that talk" ( I brought up dressing fully about the house ).
I now wear a lot more make-up when I leave the house, so that may be where the Defiance of non-acceptance comes into it for me!

At least my face looks prettier!
Stacy

[Jenny22]

Sara C., welcome aboard! You are 25 y/o. Were I your age, my lobes would have been pierced yesterday. Forget about ear plugs! They don't befit a CDer. Those who have them will one day wish they hadn't, and will pay a plastic surgeon some big bucks to have the lobes re-lobed. Simple pierced ears will last you lifetime. JMHO

[SaraCanonmill]

Thanks for the welcome Jenny. Yeah I know stretched ears to an extent can look gross and smell awful too if you don't keep them super clean but at up to like a 0 or 00 I can let it close up a bit if I need to, my ex's ears closed all the way from 0 I believe it was on their own it's a tiny hole really I don't want anything crazy I just really enjoy the idea and if I felt like wearing regular earrings or going to work I can wear retainers in my ear so nothing gets said. I know they don't really benefit me but I like dressing kind of alternative in fashion in both modes of my life anyways so I think it'd go well.

[Karen RHT]

Yes Tricia, I do dress at times to be assertive. To her credit, my wife is far more understanding, accepting, and supportive than she once was. I try not to annoy her, but there are times when I need to stand my ground.


Karen

[Rachael Leigh]

Trisha I honestly think there is a bit of that defiance part in my dressing but not to upset my wife but maybe just more at
how people perceive folks like us. I've seen the stories of rejection and hatred and I think that's sad so by being out there
dressing in public is that what it is? Maybe but I've come to a personal acceptance of this part of me and well it's made my
marriage a real struggle and well I understand my wife's position on it so while there may be a hidden defiance in the things
I choose I don't think it's something I do just for the sake of being defiante

[JeanTG]

No, I don't want to challenge her but I do want to hold my ground. She's known since before marriage but we are DADT and lately she's been openly hostile about it. I've been feeling quite low about it and dressing is more to comfort me than to defy her.

[rachelatshop]

No, but I have left some things slightly hidden so that the wife will find them and start the conversation

[Danielle t]

Trisha

I know what you mean at times yes I want to fully dress but the wife will not allow me she is somewhat excepting but not fully and yes at times it does get hard and I don't look at as a defense I think it's just us wanting to present what we feel about ourselves and yes since my wife found out it has gotten harder I wanting to dress more so I get what you mean

[Taylor186]

I never feel the need to dress more or underdress more because of my wife's lack of 'full' acceptance. By lack of 'full' acceptance I mean she would not like it if I wore a dress or skirt or bra/forms or makeup or a wig or heels everyday or every week or every month. But, she does give me a lot of latitude to underdress and I do so most days. I also have a lot of latitude to femme up my male home presentation and I do that too.

As for ear piercing, she says do it and I'm the holdout (because of the continuous wearing time required to heal).

[TrishaTX]

Yes what i meant is not full defiance to cause an argument but more about you get angry or pissed sometimes and want to just dress...by you! I know I do. Just not sure why it has to be as big a deal as it is. Most of us are great partners...they should know what is out there. Just my opinion.

[Helen Waite]

Dressing to be defiant, no. But shopping - oh baby! :battingeyelashes:

[Stephanie47]

I think you should defy sometimes just to let your wife know you aren't a simp.
A simp is:
A man who puts himself in a subservient position under women in hopes of winning her over.
In the case of a married person its more like not doing what you want to do just because she may not like what you want to do.

I've never heard the term "simp." What do you call a woman who puts herself in a subservient position under men in hopes of winning him over?"

However, to answer the OP's question...No. In the past I may have had some inner pent up frustration that needed to be satisfied. However, there is no act of defiance. If a woman has signed onto a marriage with no prior knowledge of her husband's desire to wear women's clothing, and, does not appreciate that side of him "What is she suppose to do? "Is she suppose to just roll over and accept her husband sitting next to her watching television wear a dress, heels and hosiery, all the proper undergarments, wig and makeup?" Just pondering again!

[Steph65]

I dress because I enjoy it. Like baby steps I am slowly coming out or going out en femme. This is around my small town in the country. Mt neighbours are from the city and my attitude is if you do not like it then build a taller fence!!! It makes me mad people are all for transgender or the gay or the les or.... but god forbid a guy goes out wearing a skirt or dress!!! I say It makes me do it more and if they do not like they can dial 1 800 cry me a river!!!!. In all honesty I think alot of GG and men get jealouse or upset knowing the guy dressed is better looking than alot of real gg's. Just makes me want to do more.