Telling people...

[SometimesKairi]

so I have told three of my online female friends that I have tried on women's clothes.
I am actually quite scared to hear their reaction.

I wont ever meet one of them (way too far away) and the other two not often if I do.
They don't know my work mates of family at all so its still a secret.

So why am I so nervous?
Argh

[Jaylyn]

In my thinking any one at knows could be the next ones that starts talking. I think the Internet is the way I'll get caught or outed someday. I'm very leery of telling too much on any of the net places. I do find more trust in this site though than a few of the other places.

[Stacy Darling]

You're most likely nervous because your normal.

I wiped my Facebook and Twitter accounts last year because I didn't want to be "found out".
Now that was the nervous thingy!

I'm only now stable or unstable enough in myself to let someone I know to find out, if they want to.
Someone somewhere knows someone who knows someone!

Take care if you don't want to be found out!

Stacy

[Laura912]

So assume that each of the three will tell one of their very best friends with whom they share secrets that they have a friend who wears women's clothing. That is now six who know. Each of the new three then tell each of their besties. That is now nine who know within three "generations." Do the math.

[SometimesKairi]

I'm not overly bothered about being 'found out' as these people know I have dry wit and often joke about extreme things all the while so I could easily knock it on head if I wanted to.

UPDATE ONE -
One says I have really sexy shapely legs. No weirdness at all.
Pleased.

UPDATE TWO -
Two says I should wear what I want and dared me to wear it to work before continuing to talk about the walking dead

[Beverley Sims]

Probably because you have rung the bell and you can't unring a bell. :-)

[Kelly DeWinter]

A secret is only a secret when one person knows -you Basically you told everyone.

[Gabriella111]

Paul,

Receive any reactions?


A secret is only a secret when one person knows
A secret is something kept from others. It doesn't have to be kept from all others.

If a wife were to find out about her husband CDing and she exclaimed, "I can't believe you kept this secret from me for so long!" If he replied with, "It wasn't a secret, some people knew!" I don't think she'd accept that.

It was a secret kept from her, even if not kept from some others.

[SometimesKairi]

Paul,

Receive any reactions?


Yeah, one positive, one who didn't seem bothered and the other one didn't believe me.

All three are fine.

[Gabriella111]

Wonderful! :)

[Bobbi46]

Telling can take a lot of weight of ones mind, it did for me and no harm done at all. I guess it comes down to who you tell in the first place.

[Lana Mae]

I told my children and my sister in law! They are all fine with it and just want me to be happy! My daughter has seen pictures and my sister in law saw one picture! Daughter wanted to see and used the one picture to tell my sister in law! I told her she knew that person and asked her who it was! She did not have a clue! (it was my avatar photo!) Now from there I do not care except work! Hugs Lana Mae

[Teresa]

Paul,
It does get easier, telling someone face to face is the next one to try . Some are happy in the closet but others need to come out , I can see you are working slowly to come out, just keep taking these small steps, you'll find most of the negative thoughts are in your mind.

I can recall taking these steps and feeling nervous and never thought I'd ever finally walk out the door dressed , now I just jump in my car and drive the thirty miles to meet other members of the TG community at a small hotel. I'm still taking small steps but have to admit I'm avoiding the big one .

[SometimesKairi]

Telling can take a lot of weight of ones mind, it did for me and no harm done at all. I guess it comes down to who you tell in the first place.

Exactly :)
I mean this site is great and I am so glad it even exists but...
let's be honest, people on this site will likely always BE supportive BECAUSE we are alike.
My friends however, may had been weirded out or disowned me.
It's nice to be accepted by people you know and care about and THAT is why I told them.

For those concerned it may come back to bite me in the bum as they will tell their friends etc etc...By the time it reached anybody who could know me personally, it'd be a hugely diluted version spread between a mass of different people. After a certain point it becomes a rumour that some guy who your friend's friend's uncle's sister's dog heard once.
Personally I don't care about that.

Please don't think I am belittling people who want to stay anonymous totally at all.
We are all different people afterall :)

[Dana44]

i am careful on who i tell.. but i do let some know but very carefully.

[Leslie Langford]

So assume that each of the three will tell one of their very best friends with whom they share secrets that they have a friend who wears women's clothing. That is now six who know. Each of the new three then tell each of their besties. That is now nine who know within three "generations." Do the math.

Yes, and then there is also that "Six Degrees of Separation" thingy...

[Tracii G]

Not really something to worry about.
Dry wit, talk about extreme things how has that got anything to do with CDing?
You told them, they know, so get on with life.
My guess is they could care less but how will they react when you dress enfemme in front of them?
Would you actually do that and maybe go out for a beer with them?
Thats the difference.

[Teresa]

Traccii,
That was the point I was going to raise , I'm out to my family but they haven't seen the reality. OK to some I am out 100% but not to my family and it is a big difference .

[Kelly DeWinter]

Paul,

If a wife were to find out about her husband CDing and she exclaimed, "I can't believe you kept this secret from me for so long!" If he replied with, "It wasn't a secret, some people knew!"


..........proves the point that if more then one person knows, it is not a secret. Maybe classified compartmentalized information ?

[Gabriella111]

It doesn't prove that at all. It is, by definition, a secret.

Interesting that from the OP's share, this is the part that stood out for you.

[ClosetED]

You are nervous because you faced a fear and that is normal. You are finding out that many do not care when it is not personal to them, as spouse or family member might.
Glad it turned out well. You are correct - those on this site are much more supportive than the public because we understand. Telling a distant public person is different than walking into stores dressed or telling a person standing face to face with you. But those earlier steps help build confidence and that is what this site does help do.
Hugs, Ellen

[Stephanie47]

I can understand the self motivation of revealing one self. It took some doing to even be more than a lurker on this site. Participating on this site is at a minimum a way to express myself. Yep, I'm not alone in the world. However, I do not feel it is necessary to tell anyone I feel the need to wear women's clothing. Am I ready for the possible negativity that may arise? No!. Would I show up to a back yard BBQ in a sun dress? No! The OP has made a declarative statement to three women. They have some knowledge they did not possess. What comes of it? Will you become an exhibitionist for their or your enjoyment? Is there going to be some follow up on this revelation?

[SometimesKairi]

I can understand the self motivation of revealing one self. It took some doing to even be more than a lurker on this site. Participating on this site is at a minimum a way to express myself. Yep, I'm not alone in the world. However, I do not feel it is necessary to tell anyone I feel the need to wear women's clothing. Am I ready for the possible negativity that may arise? No!. Would I show up to a back yard BBQ in a sun dress? No! The OP has made a declarative statement to three women. They have some knowledge they did not possess. What comes of it? Will you become an exhibitionist for their or your enjoyment? Is there going to be some follow up on this revelation?

What's the worst that can happen?
Genuine question this.
People I know and doubtful will ever meet know a new fact and about me and two don't care and haven't changed the way they treat or act to me one bit.
In fact the whole thing has become just another bit of knowledge about me.

I'm not married or with someone, I have no children. My parents and grandparents are dead.
There would be no grand revalation to anyone close to me.

Of course everyone is different

[SometimesKairi]

So, I told my best friend who I already knew would be totally supportive.
She actually is excited to have a new girlfriend and is already going through her old clothes to find some that will fit me.

[ellbee]

Kairi,

Happy to hear things went well for you! :thumbsup:


Here's something that I don't really see being brought up very often when it comes to these kinds of "telling my GG-friend(s)" threads...

For those CD'ers who are not married/have no SO, this is the *perfect* way to weed out those who would not be suitable for possible eventual marriage/relationship!


I mean, really, do you honestly want to end up in an ugly situation, years/decades down the road, when your wife finds out you've been secretly dressing all this time & does *not* approve??


While some tend to focus on the possible negatives, this is definitely one huge POSITIVE!

[Sandin Meknickers]

For those CD'ers who are not married/have no SO, this is the *perfect* way to weed out those who would not be suitable for possible eventual marriage/relationship!


I mean, really, do you honestly want to end up in an ugly situation, years/decades down the road, when your wife finds out you've been secretly dressing all this time & does *not* approve??


While some tend to focus on the possible negatives, this is definitely one huge POSITIVE!

Completely agree with that logic even though it is completely disproven by the great number of divorces out there lol. People love a bit of whats bad for them haha.

[SometimesKairi]

That's a mantra I live by in life.
If someone is making me unhappy for whatever reason then I move myself on.
The days where I overly tried to force friendships are long gone.

I am myself and if people like me, great, if not then, oh well.

Still its really good that my friends are so okay with all this.

[Bobbi46]

Telling someone can be a big help, I reconnected with a friend from long ago and felt I had to share with someone what was going through my mind and I then went on to tell them that I dress, no rancour or disapproval or anything like that after that I gained a lot of confidence to go out and buy clothes and then go out dressed for the same thing. Yes telling can be a good thing but its not for all.

[Kelly DeWinter]

Wonderful news Kairi

[Nikki A.]

Good for you.

[SometimesKairi]

Another GG friend knows.
She didn't believe me for ages until she saw the photos.
Her reaction was...

'okay, I stand corrected. But damn you are a pretty lady but can I ask the context?'
I think she meant the reason.

I have freaking amazing open minded friends

[Sandin Meknickers]

My freinds are nostly dudes and would just piss themselves lauhing and i'd get ripped. They woulf be more than grateful for the matsrial but wouldn't want to be seen with me out haha. The wider world can be crueler.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Kairi:hugs:, Be sure to see line #4 in my signature...:daydreaming:...

[Kendra Sue]

I love this site. I am out to no one. I wish I had a girlfriend to share my passion with.

[SometimesKairi]

Hi Kairi:hugs:, Be sure to see line #4 in my signature...:daydreaming:...

Yeah I know :)
Everyone has warned me about this :)
Thing is, if people DO find out then they do find out. Give people something to gossip about at the least but also it'll give me a chamce t answer their barrage of questions.
That could really help me figure out what I am

[Sandin Meknickers]

You're more likely to find out what you're not from external sources lol. I think some of us want a label for others sake sometimes.

[Gabriella111]

So, I told my best friend who I already knew would be totally supportive.
She actually is excited to have a new girlfriend and is already going through her old clothes to find some that will fit me.

That's awesome! Congrats on having supportive friends!!

[Sallee]

I have told several people and mostly they do 't believe me even if I insist that its true. I haven't shown pictures then they would be believers

[Sarah Doepner]

Kairi, I'm happy that you are getting such a positive response and do hope it stays that way.

Before this was finally shared with my late wife I was miserable for years, even with this forum and an opportunity to actually get out in public in another city. Having someone know and still support you is an amazing experience, but the risk of losing that person is always on our mind. In a way it demonstrates how much we love them that we don't want to even have a chance to lose them. But they often see it as not trusting them or understanding that love is without condition. It can be a hard choice and doesn't always work out, although it seems things have been changing over the last generation and that is a good thing.

After my wife died I was back in the closet for a few years until I told my adult children. It turns out they knew, so it wasn't a secret at all to them, but by me admitting it, the cap came off the toothpaste tube and it's not going back in. One of them has shared this knowledge about me with letting me know first, so there is a trust issue I'm going to have to deal with. In my favor, I'm comfortable with who I am and the further spread of this seems to have less and less of an impact on my life every day. Also in my favor, I'm retired and it can't come back to bite me at work. Yay!

Good luck to you as new horizons open.

[Caroline Varg]

After having told both my wife and my mom, life has become so much easier. I have also selectively informed some close friends, that I know are open minded. I have been met with nothing but love and understanding. Maybe I'm more fortunate than the average, but I've come to the conclusion that life is too short not to live my life. People around me are free to love me, and I love them, but I need to be the person I am.