Life and happiness

[Anne Elizabeth]

I have been listening to various books and have read a plethora of others all relating to those that have transitioned and their life. A couple common threads are their life post transition is better, they are happier, better persons, and they should habe done it earlier. What is your experience?

[Mirya]

That is one of the most common questions that people ask me when they find out I'm transitioning. They ask, "are you happier?" The short answer is, of course, yes. But I don't think 'happy' is the right word for how I feel. Happiness is temporary. It comes and goes just as quickly as a brief vacation to Hawaii in the dead of winter or even eating ice cream on a hot summer day. No, a better way to describe it would be peace of mind, a lasting state of contentment, and a general sense of well-being.

Also importantly, I'm hopeful! For the first time ever in my life, I have hope for the future - my future! Before I transitioned, I never had hope for any tomorrows. I never had any long-term dreams to speak of. I was just going through the motions, trying to slog my way through a life that didn't seem worth living. Nowadays, I look forward to the rest of my life with a sense of hope, rather than a feeling of resignation. And that is worth so much more and so much better than day-to-day happiness.

[Georgette_USA]

Wow, Life and Happiness. The quick answer is 42.

Is life better post transition - Impossible to answer, sure no more physical and mental Dysphoria, but what all leads to better.
Happier - Life is all ups and downs, Happy days and some Not so happy days and some terrible days.
Better person - Feel like I am the same person. Just I was able to do it as the woman I knew I was.

As for the should have done it earlier - I think most all would answer yes, Like the youth on blockers to hold off puberty, makes Transition so much easier.
In the 1970s at age 24-26, no Internet, no clinics or such, not much to find and read about it. Like most all I see around me then and now, it took me a while to figure it out and what to do. Maybe I was more determined and had less to lose.
In the 60s-70s, not sure I could have done it earlier. I did come across someone on FB at age 21 did all mine and SRS the year before me. So it was possible.

All I know is after 40 years, it was the easiest and hardest decision, but one that I HAD to do. I have NO regrets, and feel very much at peace with myself.

[Tommie.]

I totally agree.... contentment, hopefulness, the ability to really feel and love the new life.

[MarieTS]

:c9: Ah huh, exactly. Even age 3 would have been a year too late!

[Julie77]

I have been listening to various books and have read a plethora of others all relating to those that have transitioned and their life. A couple common threads are their life post transition is better, they are happier, better persons, and they should habe done it earlier. What is your experience?

This is one that I have struggled with. I've attended and still attend some transgender groups in the Denver/Boulder area. Most of them I say are happy with the decision to transition but I don't know if they are happier. They come into group and are really struggling with their lives and I think it has little to do with the trans aspect (my opionion). I want to be careful in my path that I'm comfortable with my decisions. They may be hard decisions and they may hurt others but they may be right for me. But I don't want to jump into something that I'm not ready to take on and go down life's path with an unhappy life. Some ladies on FB that have transitioned are so very happy and others are not.

Earlier I'm sure would be better since you have a longer time to build up the way you want your life to turn out. In my case trying to go down a different path when my life is going in a certain direction is hard.

[Rianna Humble]

I don't want to jump into something that I'm not ready to take on and go down life's path with an unhappy life. Some ladies on FB that have transitioned are so very happy and others are not.

Earlier I'm sure would be better since you have a longer time to build up the way you want your life to turn out. In my case trying to go down a different path when my life is going in a certain direction is hard.
Julie, perhaps I am misinterpreting your words, but this gives the impression that you consider transition to be a lifestyle choice. Nothing could be further from the truth.

I hope that I have simply misread what you intended to say.

[Zooey]

It's perhaps an understandable mistake, with so much discussion here lately about all the reasons why totally TS people can just choose not to do it. I shouldn't talk though; I'm obviously just jealous of how they've just got their priorities straight... :rolleyes:

[LeaP]

:yt:

Every sentence, every word.

[Julie77]

No, I don't think it is a lifestyle choice. I went on HRT and trying to find my path because I know I'm not right. I've known I was female for most of my 55 years, but I hid.

But when I hear people ask are you happier, I don't know. I believe 99.9% of us would say yes I'm happier that I transitioned or in my case finally going down the path of transitioning. (being on HRT for this short time I haven't felt this good (happy) in a long long time) That doesn't mean life's problems go away and you are happier. I was trying to say transitioning is just one aspect of a persons life. If you are struggling with things in your life before you transition you may still be struggling with those same problems after so yes you are happy that you transitioned but are you happier. I'm probably still not saying it right. Sorry.

Anyway, my priorities are probably messed up in some people opinion, but I'm scared. It is a big step or leap, but I have to do what I feel is best for me at my pace.

[Kate T]

What I love about you Melissa even when I disagree with you is you say it like you see it :). But have some patience with others who are not as strong as you are. To the others. I actually get what Melissa is saying. Because all of your justifications, all of your "sacrifices", all of your safe choices feel like variations on all of the reasons society normally suppresses and denies us. Reasons that your heroes and role models, those well known like Laverne Cox, Jazz Jennings and Avery Jackson as well as those not in the media spotlight like Melissa, Rianna, Nigella and every other proud Trans* person fight every day against to give you the chance to be respected as human beings.

Answer to the OP. Yes, much happier, more content and better person, my children and partner also happier. It's curious don't you think that those who theoretically know the least i.e. children, are the ones who are most likely to accept us and love us for who we are.

[Zooey]

The reasons people always give are never anywhere close to unique to them. Every women I know who has transitioned dealt with at least some, if not all of them.

Every. Single. One.

It's fear, not altruism.

[Marcelle]

Happier? Yes. But let's be clear my life is not all sunshine and lollipops just because I have transitioned. I like the person I see in the mirror for the first time in 50+ years and while the world may look at me and not see a woman . . . it matters not. Transitioning made me stronger and able to deal with life's woes and cleared away the angst and misery associated with GD (well for the most part . . . still a struggle at times). However, all the other baggage I dragged through life which has nothing to do with GD and new baggage that gets piled on post transition is still there.

Should I have done it earlier? The difference is between "should" and "could". I grew up in a different time where tolerance was not even on the radar when it came to trans people. So I repressed and went into a sense of self loathing. If I "could" have at a younger age I suppose hindsight is 20/20 . . . I would have. However given my parents very conservative background and mixed religious views (both religions not very forgiving in the true compassionate sense of religion) it is unlikely I would have been permitted to.

Cheers

Marcelle

[Megan G]

That doesn't mean life's problems go away and you are happier.
.

Transition cures one thing... gender dysphoria. If you are struggling in other aspects of your life transition will not cure those however living an authentic life and being true to yourself does aid in the ability to work thru problems better IMHO...

You can totally be happy with your decision to transition and be happy YET be struggling with life. I had lots of stuff go bad on me when I pulled the pin on the Tranny Grenade..lost my job, family turned on me.... it would have been easy to pull the plug but I fought thru it and even during those "bad times" where I was struggling with life I was still happy..

I personally don't get the whole HRT without socially transitioning trend on here as of late. Nothing I did leading up to going FT had a lasting effect on dealing with my GD, sure i got some short term relief with each step but living authentically was the only answer...

[Mirya]

I have some local friends who are on HRT, but haven't socially transitioned. Some have been on HRT for many years but still only live part-time as a woman. Most of them will probably never make a full transition (and by that I mean going full-time and legally changing their gender). They are all good people though, and I still respect them for who they are. I consider them to be good friends. If you can get through life without fully transitioning, and that is enough for you, then that's totally ok in my opinion. Maybe it's even better in some ways.

But I don't consider those friends to be transsexual women, as I am. They are certainly transgender women and fully deserving of my respect, but they are not transsexual women. We TS women absolutely need to fully transition in every aspect of our lives, and as quickly as we can, because our gender identity is completely female. We do not weigh the pro's and con's of a transition and somehow come to a decision that it's all going to be worth it because the happy stuff will outweigh the bad stuff - that is not how our minds think. We throw every negative outcome into the wind in order to gain the one positive outcome we hope to achieve through a transition - and that's to be seen and treated as women. We need to be seen and treated as women in every aspect of our lives in order to treat our gender dysphoria.

While we may share some similarities with TG women, we're really not the same. And as TS women, we likely account for less than 10% of the overall transgender population. I'm not saying or even implying that we're better than other TG people, because we're not. And we're not some kind of exclusive 'club' that people should aspire to, because it's not something you should desire. But we are very different on a fundamental level. I just want to make that clear.