HRT without social transitioning - nervous

[Julie77]

I took the steps and I'm on HRT now a little over 2 months. I haven't been happier. My mind is clearer and the bad thought I was having have gone away. I 55 and I don't want to transition until I retire in hopefully <10 years but that is still not total clear because I'm married and love my wife and I'm not sure I can do it without her blessing. Anyway, the part I'm nervous on is the changes that HRT will do on my face. I think I'm OK with the other things and can hide them in male mode, but if my face starts changing and everyone starts noticing, I'm not sure how to handle it. Is anyone else out there on HRT but not doing the full transition yet.

[natasha]

Hi Julie, I still have to pay the mortgage and present as male in public at least for the time being. I have been on HRT for a few years now and things seem to be working out ok. Im 52 by the way.

[Tommie.]

Things change very slowly if at all Julie. Relax and be sure you are talking with your counselor about all of your feelings and fears. Safeguard your marriage and I understand completely. I am in the same situation and dearly love my spouse.... so far so good.... and blessings on you and yours..... tommie

[Julie77]

Natasha,

Thanks for the reply. HRT for 2 years. Do you see changes, like if you look back at old photos. It seems silly since not much is happening yet. I think I'm on a low dose now but don't know if the Dr ups the dosage that things will change faster.

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Thanks Tommie, It's been only 2 months and I don't see much but I'm so glad I went on HRT. Skin is a lot drier and my breasts hurt a little when touched. Just thinking ahead I guess and should just take one day at a time. I think my Dr. might up my dosage in about a month and I wasn't sure if things start going a little faster. I'm happy were I'm at now.

[Kate T]

Julie
Be careful you don't fall into the trap I've seen quite few do. Doctors are there to ADVISE you, they can't make you do anything. They aren't some sort of evil mastermind turning men into women. Own it. If you don't want your HRT doses changed, don't. If the doctor advises you that to get more feminization then you should then you take control and decide to do it, don't try and foist that responsibility into the doctor.
Does your wife know your on HRT?

[Julie77]

Kate,

That is probably what I was going to do at my next visit. Tell the Dr. that I'm doing well at this dose now and don't want to increase it yet. I;m just a wimp. I want to be more feminized, but I don't want to go public yet. I want my cake and eat it too. I just want to see what others were experiencing. I don't even know if my Dr will up my dose, but I want to see what others who have been on HRT longer felt.

Yes, I'm up front the HRT. My wife knows and isn't thrilled that I'm on it, but knows that it is something I want and it is helping me.

[grace7777]

Julie,

I am also on HRT, and I cannot imagine a doctor upping the dose without telling you. In fact the first time I asked my doctor to up the dose, she said not until I had lab tests 2 months later. Recently I asked her to up the dose and she did. Personally I am transitioning so I want the changes to happen faster, and I began HRT On November 1, 2016. I am doing it by injection every 2 weeks.

Grace

[LeaP]

I'll be on HRT 5 years in August. There is no hiding the changes any more. I get maam'd, stares, sometimes dirty looks, sometimes puzzled ones. I do intend to transition, however, and don't make overt efforts to hide, either. I've completed 90% of my electrolysis, which also makes a difference.

If you can avoid transition, by all means do so. But don't count on HRT changes being hideable. Decisions, decisions!

[Mirya]

The timeline for physical changes from MtF HRT can vary wildly from person to person. Some people can go for many years and still easily present as male. For me, I was consistently getting weird looks from guys in the men's restroom after just 4 months on HRT. I ended up going full time one month later.

But I'm in my 30's, and you're in your 50's, so for you, the feminizing effects of HRT will likely take longer. But 10 years is probably hoping for too much? I don't think you'll be able to last 10 years on HRT without looking feminine.

[Julie77]

Grace, I didn't mean to imply that the Dr. would up my dose without talking with me. I will talk with the Dr and councilor about my questions and concerns. I just wasn't sure if I'm a lower dose would that really slow down the process, which for me might help me decide where to go on my journey.

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Thanks Lea. I love that last words you gave me. "Decisions, Decisions" :) Yes I have to decide where I'm going. I have done a lot of electrolysis also. I do love not having to shave.

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Mirya, thanks for the reply and your opinion. I also think 10 years would be to long, but I just was hoping that my face and look wouldn't change too much in the next couple of years,

[Heidi Stevens]

Hi Julie, I'm 61 and have been on HRT for two years now. My blood levels now match those of a normal female. The only real difference in my journey is my breasts are now an A cup. But at even at this point, I can go shirtless and still not be seen as a man with boobs on the beach. Now as others have said, your reaction could be different. I'm not at a full dose of E either. My doctor is on board with my plan and has been nothing but supportive. I do not want to transition yet because my wife has asked me not to for us to stay together. Love makes you do odd things. As a result I present male 95% of the time. I am happy at the level I am now and you probably could be happy too with out increasing dosage to the max. Talk this over with your doctor and see if you can find a plateau where you don't develop fast and still are happy mentally.
Good luck.

[Jeri Ann]

Hey Julie,

As others here have stated, changes vary from one person to the next. I am older than you and my face has definitely changed and I can never go shirtless again. Just wearing a t-shirt is problematic and I normally wear a compression tank underneath. HRT is a crap shoot. Chances are I will not transition completely. It is way too complicated to discuss here. Good luck. Be careful.

Jeri

[Julie77]

Heidi,

Thanks for the replay. I think we do have a very similar situation. I love my wife and it would be very hard on her if I transition. The HRT has been so good for me and I know I don't want to go off it, but I don't know if I want to increase the dose. Well, I do want to increase the dose but... https://www.crossdressers.com/forums/images/smilies/happy.gif

Job wise it would be also very hard to transition in a very conservative company. I'm hoping I can make it a few more years and once I leave that company I could then expand. I think I can hide body changes but I just don't want to face those questions if my face starts changing to much in male mode. I have a lot of my facial hair removed and nobody has said any about that. I have my 3 month check in May and I see my councilor this week where I was going to talk with her about it. Its just nice to hear from others going through this process.

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Jeri,

Do you get question about why your face is changing? I think that is what I'm nervous about. I was thinking about compression shirts when I start showing more. I do like to swim and the wife pointed that out to me, but a girl has to do what a girl has to do. I know I will never have bottom surgery and how much I transition I can't say right now. Time will tell. Thanks for the reply.

[Jeri Ann]

Hey Julie,

Changes occur over a period of time and, while someone may perceive something is different, nothing has ever been said. I do get mammed some when I have to be undercover in guy mode. I am looking forward to some outings in the near future where I can wear a bikini. I have recently purchased three new ones along with coverups and accessories.

[JohnH]

As shown with my signature I have been on M2F HRT for over 5 years and I still live my life as a man. I wear DD bras with my natural breasts. I also have hair down to my shoulder blades. And for business and church I wear lipstick and eye makeup. In the church choir I am the only true bass singer.

I do get strange looks from time to time when I go to the men's restroom.

The HRT has done wonders to eliminate my suicidal tendencies, and I have cut down on my alcohol consumption drastically.

You can also see in the signature block I go by my legal name of John. I was thinking of transitioning but now I have decided to remain socially a man. However I will continue on the HRT regimen.

[tammigurl]

Hi - it's perfectly natural to be nervous and unsure appropos transitioning. My story and hope it helps....being patient is very difficult when committed to transitioning both socially and physically. It's a long and arduous path of physical and emotional highs and lows. But please, please be decisive...its hugely difficult to reverse. For example, I have been on the same low dose M2F HRT for over 8 years (I'm now 55) and I still sometimes present at work as a man (even though everyone knows I'm transitioning and I share my progress with everyone). During that time I only had one 'booster' shot to accelerate the process. At work I wear my long blonde hair as a man bun and wear compression underwear for my breasts (my developed breasts are noww DD). I resisted breast implants (opted for trachial shave instead) but fortunately, despite the breast pain, it only took 3 years to develop these breasts. I finished my facial electrolysis (found it very painful and obvious) at the end of year 2 and noticed facial changes from HRT after 4 years. It took nearly 5 years for my figure to change and I now have issues wearing male clothing (pants in particular). But thats OK because I'm decisively committed to transitioning. Out of work obviously I'm a woman but as I have been working for over 20 years (and am one of the senior account managers) for a progressive, inclusive investment company, I am allowed to present as a woman and power dress (usually in skirt suits) with full but appropriate makeup. Humorously, when I give in to temptation and wear low-cut tops, many of the girls at work are envious of my 'natural' breasts. This duality can be problematic at times because most of the corporate and international clients I manage have known me as a man (albeit a rapidly feminising one!!) and of course bathroom choice is an issue. I now have company imprimatur to present as a woman for new clients...crazy huh?!! It can be quite confusing but it's becoming increasingly more difficult to 'man present' as I have been undergoing voice training and with this and HRT my voice is also becoming more feminine. I also do a reasonable amount of international travel and for transexuals this is where it gets really ridiculous....I love to travel as the sophisticated woman that I'm becoming but obviously I now don't look like my passport (years younger and a woman)....quite often the customs/security are confused re my gender and in the case of body searches whether it should be a man or woman....all fun and games but it can cause issues with flight scheduling (I'm over getting embarassed!!). Be patient and hugs:love:

[JohnH]

Tammigurl,

I strongly urge you to stop using compression garments to hide your breasts since that is likely to be harmful to your breasts. I have never received any comments (except my dear wife) about the obvious projection of my boom-booms.

John

[tammigurl]

Wise counsel Johanna....I actually had the 'conversation' with my CFO today. He suggested that it was time to go full time at work and advised that he would have to either explain to my existing corporate clients or allocate me to new ones as Tammi. His reasoning is that I look like some effeminate dandy gay boy (nothing wrong with that!!) and prefers the sophisticated power dressing woman. He is right because of my HRT development, I now have a woman's hips and butt, and have to wear women's slacks anyway otherwise my men's suit pants swim on my waist and now look ridiculous. He also said that my voice is now so feminine that that was the only issue with my fully passing as an 'attractive' woman employee!! Bless him!! So from next Monday week (after I come back from my last 'as a man' business trip to Japan) I will be henceforth Ms Tammi, senior analyst and no more compression garments for me...my girls will be on full display (demurely of course!) along with my stockinged legs...hugs :hugs:

[JohnH]

I pass as a woman even when I have no makeup and wearing men's clothing (plaid shirt, jeans, and men's shoes). However it's mighty difficult for me as a basso profundo to adopt a feminine voice, and I don't want to do anything to jeopardize my bass singing voice.

John

[natasha]

It is so nice to not hear someone say that you cant be on HRT and not be publically transitioning. I am in the same boat as many. For many reasons I can't transition but I do continue with my HRT regime as prescribed, but am seriously considering asking the DR to up the dosage (I don't really know if im currently on low/mid/high dose), but I do give myself a shot once a week.

That said I have been on HRT for 8 years (give or take) starting with gel then patches now a weekly shot. I must say that the dysphoria is controlled by the HRT but it does come back with a vengence at times.

I do have to wear a sports bra with almost anything I wear today, I think that is more because of self awareness in public rather than because of formal breast growth (bummer really). I do not believe my face has changed much, but my skin has become significantly softer. I bruise far more easily than before. I still wear the same drab pants daily that I have always worn (i.e. no change in hips or butt). Lastly, I don't think my "strength" has been reduced much, not that I was muscular before. At work I returned to my original job (31 years of service), of being a mechanic (hell on the nails!!) and still have to figure out how to get that 200 ft/lb torqued, rusted bolt off! Forgot to add, as my picture shows, my hair is now past my shoulders to which it is put into a ponytail daily at work. Yes, I get teased about it but at 52 years old I dont really give a %$$# what they say. I played by the guy hair rule for way to long.

I still have yet to decide about formally transitioning. That is something I will address when I retire (2 years 2 months and 3 weeks but who's counting). I have a very supportive wife who knows about Natasha and has told me more than once that the estrogen has changed my demeanor so much that even it weren't for my gender issues I should continue.

I do not get to present as Natasha very often, and when I do it is so much more comfortable than when I have to present as the gender I was assigned at birth.

Wow, this is the most I think I have ever written. Hope it provides some insight, at least from my perspective.

[samantha rogers]

Hi Julie… I would not worry too much… As others have said physical changes come slowly, and with a little judicious planning and care you should not have any trouble hiding them. A lot of girls think they change more than they actually do. But it's different for everyone.
I started a HRT 3 1/2 years before I told anyone that I was trans and it was another 2 1/2 years before I went full-time.
The only thing that you should prepare yourself for is that HRT can produce a second puberty and along with that all of the emotional turmoil and drama that a girl in middle school goes through.... Bad enough for girls in middle school… But exceptionally trying for girls our age ( I started HRT in2010 and I'm 64 now)
But I don't say that to worry you.... it can be a beautiful experience… I hope you have a wonderful ride.

[Kate T]

I'm actually slightly fascinated by the responses here.

I'm sort of in the same boat as Mirya (though a little bit older at mid 40's :o ) in that within 6 months of starting HRT I was basically getting odd looks from guys as I came out of the mens toilet and even had a couple of guys go back and check the sign on the door to make sure they were in the right room! I would dress androgynously but I wouldn't have said particularly feminine per say, cargo shorts and T shirt though a little more fitted than tradition mens T shirts. My partner and I already had a tentative timeline (which would have seen me go full time at about 9 months after starting HRT) however it was at a point where rumours were starting to circulate so we just took control and transitioned earlier at about 6 months after starting HRT.

As it was I was starting to go a little bit stir crazy with the incongruity anyway. So what is fascinating to me is how do you people cope with that incongruity. It was sending me mental! Is it an age thing, i.e. I am just young and impatient (or stupid!). I'm genuinely curious, I really had no idea there were so many members on HRT and not socially transitioned. For me social transition was just as / if not more important than HRT (and HRT was REALLY important to me).

[OCCarly]

I am 54, 10 months on HRT and still part time. I started to have breast development, and butt development (!) after only three weeks on hormones. I am a little girl (5'7", 150#) so my 38A's are visible to the point that my days of going shirtless are over. This summer I will be wearing bikinis for swimming. My face has changed visibly (I am also undergoing laser facial hair removal). After about the six month mark guys started staring at me in the men's rooms. Now I get stared at even when I am wearing a men's power suit and tie.

So, although I am still presenting male at work, my days of doing that are numbered. But beyond that, dressing male and going to work that way gives me panic attacks. So no matter what happens, going full time is in my future.

[Julie77]

Samantha... thanks for the reply and the reassuring words. I agree that I probably over thinking this to much. Take it one day at a time. As this thread has shown, everyone is different. Some it sounds like the changes happened fast, with others it was slower. I think we all know ourselves and what we what and in a perfect world we would probably have what we want. But it isn't a perfect world. My male life I don't care much about but the life with my wife and children is something I love and I'm scared and nervous for the future. As I've mentioned in a previous post I love love love the HRT ride so far, but where do I go now. It can be a wonderful ride but that those first couple of hills and scare the life out of you. :)

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I'm actually slightly fascinated by the responses here.
I'm genuinely curious, I really had no idea there were so many members on HRT and not socially transitioned. For me social transition was just as / if not more important than HRT (and HRT was REALLY important to me).

I can't talk for others but I not in a big hurry to fully social transition. I have a lot of reason and some excuses. :straightface: I love my wife and it is and would be really hard on her if I fully transitioned. I'm older and have a good job and if I was to leave that job there is no way I could get a position like that. I'm close to retiring and then I can take another step. My kids would be shocked, but I think they can deal with it. I also don't want to lose the dad son relationship. I would if and when I fully transition and that makes me sad. The HRT for now (2 months) is working and I haven't been this happy and content in a long long time. As I kinda said in another post. In a perfect world I would transition in a heart beat. I'm not in a perfect world. :sad:

[Pat]

I also don't want to lose the dad son relationship. I would if and when I fully transition and that makes me sad.

You know your circumstance better than I can but I'd just like to offer some reassurance that this is not a necessary outcome. I have a full-on Dad relationship with my sons. My girlfriend has maintained her Dad relationship with her daughter. We all celebrate Father's Day. We might be non-traditional Dads, but that's not a problem. When I came out the first thing I told my kids is that there is no event that can change the fact that I am and always will be their Dad. They agreed.

[Rianna Humble]

I not in a big hurry to fully social transition. I have a lot of reason and some excuses.

Julie don't let anyone tell you that you should transition. You shouldn't - you have too many things in your life that are a much higher priority than being congruous - transitioning at this stage would be a big mistake.

[samantha rogers]

Yes, the first hills on any rollercoaster are always the scariest. If your seat belt is tight and your head screwed on it gets easier.
Far as I know there is no rule book for being trans. Even today I still think of all of us as pioneers, in a sense, trying to work our way through barely explored, constantly changing waters. Advice is worth what you pay for it, and so take it all in then use what works for you. It's your life and no one else's ;-)

[Jeri Ann]

Far as I know there is no rule book for being trans. Even today I still think of all of us as pioneers, in a sense, trying to work our way through barely explored, constantly changing waters. Advice is worth what you pay for it, and so take it all in then use what works for you. It's your life and no one else's ;-)

Wow Samantha, you put it so well. I couldn't agree more.

[Georgette_USA]

Even today I still think of all of us as pioneers, in a sense, trying to work our way through barely explored, constantly changing waters.


I am in awe and confused for those today that can do HRT and other changes but never fully transition.

I hate when people will use the "Pioneer, Trailblazer" or other words to describe me. I have a friend that will tell any new TG people that we meet, use those words and others. All because I and my "Wife" transitioned in 1975-77. Hate the "Wife" because we never married.

[Jeri Ann]

I am in awe and confused for those today that can do HRT and other changes but never fully transition.

Did the awe and confusion begin when you read the title of this thread or after you read the posts which were pretty much in line with the title?

Maybe the awe and confusion started when you checked out my profile page. Hey, join the club. I'm not awed by much but I stay confused. Lol

[samantha rogers]

I get that, and I understand. I know many transwomen who transitioned long ago who feel the same way. But to me, philosophies have changed in that time. I'm sure you will disagree with me but I'm one of those non binary people. Thirty to forty years is a drop in the bucket in what I see as an eventual march toward a much more fair, non binary world where all are accepted.
I think there is room for all of us on this path.

[Georgette_USA]

I think I have read your profile in the past, and may have PM you once.

The awe and confusion comes from that some can do all that and not be compelled to "not go the distance", so to speak.

Back in the 70s, had never heard of anyone that didn't go thru it all. As there were no legal rights unless you did.

Since coming back to all these TG/TS discussions, have found many people and their ways of doing whatever relieves ones GID/GD or whatever they call it now.

I sometimes feel like a dinosaur with all these new ideas and ways.

[Jeri Ann]

My apologies Georgette if I was too blunt. Each person's life situation is unique. For me, I am compelled to do the right thing, even if right hurts and wrong feels good. For the truly transgendered, you go as far as you can, so can go farther than others.

Jeri

[Georgette_USA]

First off, I feel we all need to figure out where we are going, and I accept that there is not just one way for all.
When I was younger I may have been a little gender non-confirming. A little bit of a rebel and pushed my changes while still keeping within the rules.

At my age hard to make me feel bad about any of this. At 66 I really don't care what others think of me, I can just look back on my last 40 and wonder where my next 20-30 is going.
I prefer when people will just speak openly. I sometimes have to check my non PC talk at times. I am just coming to terms with all this new information.

As for the NB, I am still working that out in my very real Binary brain. Not sure I can hang around for another 30-40 years, maybe for the young ones they may have hope. Can't imagine a fair world where all TG/TS/CD/NB are accepted.

My partner and I always figured that the TS anomalies would be less and less over time, don't know what we were thinking 40 years ago. But it seems to have exploded instead. Don't know what she would have thought about NB people. She wasn't even very accepting of same sex marriage.
I may have been naive in my mid 20s to think family, single no children, and work would just be accepting. I had the best of all outcomes.

[Mirya]

As it was I was starting to go a little bit stir crazy with the incongruity anyway. So what is fascinating to me is how do you people cope with that incongruity. It was sending me mental! Is it an age thing, i.e. I am just young and impatient (or stupid!). I'm genuinely curious, I really had no idea there were so many members on HRT and not socially transitioned. For me social transition was just as / if not more important than HRT (and HRT was REALLY important to me).

I don't think it's a matter of being impatient or stupid. :) We all do what we need to do to manage our dysphoria (or incongruity, as you put it). Thing is, each of us has varying degrees of dysphoria, and within that there's both a physical component and a social component. Maybe we can manage the physical dysphoria for a while by avoiding mirrors, or by dressing as a woman sometimes, or by imagining ourselves having a female body in our mind's eye. But when it comes to social dysphoria, there's really no substitute for actually living and interacting with others as a woman. And so I think that the more intense the social dysphoria is, the earlier in life we are compelled to transition. And the less severe the social dysphoria, the more likely we are to wait until later in life to address that incongruity.

[JohnH]

I am in awe and confused for those today that can do HRT and other changes but never fully transition.

The changes are gradual so one gets used to the effects of the HRT.

John

[Julie77]

I don't think it's a matter of being impatient or stupid. :) We all do what we need to do to manage our dysphoria (or incongruity, as you put it). Thing is, each of us has varying degrees of dysphoria, and within that there's both a physical component and a social component. Maybe we can manage the physical dysphoria for a while by avoiding mirrors, or by dressing as a woman sometimes, or by imagining ourselves having a female body in our mind's eye. But when it comes to social dysphoria, there's really no substitute for actually living and interacting with others as a woman. And so I think that the more intense the social dysphoria is, the earlier in life we are compelled to transition. And the less severe the social dysphoria, the more likely we are to wait until later in life to address that incongruity.

I agree somewhat with what you are saying, but I also think times are changing. When I was younger I didn't have the openness that younger people had now. We didn't have the internet. We thought we were alone or very few of us. I think if I was younger in todays time I would probably transition earlier and with less guilt. Building a life and hiding our true selves is very hard to then change as we get older. It not an excuse but I think that is part of why some don't transition or transition later in life.

[natasha]

Having grown up in a home with almost no female influence, and all of the neighborhood kids being boys it was almost next to impossible to acknowledge my dysphoria. So much so that the only way to deal with it was to never give in to the feelings inside. There was no internet, no talking with dad, no talking with my brother and as far as I was concerned "I" was the only one on the planet who had this problem, resulting in burying it deeper and deeper. Fast forward to the evolution of the internet and walaa, it is obvious that there are more like me.

My point is that, for me anyway. I buried this deep inside. To survive I HAD to socialize as male. Life circumstances put me into a position of having to provide for others (i.e. my children).

To come out now, as I probably would have if life circumstances were different, would satisfy my inner being but would also destroy many other lives that are the direct result of the person I have presented to be for the last 52 years.

[Julie77]

Julie don't let anyone tell you that you should transition. You shouldn't - you have too many things in your life that are a much higher priority than being congruous - transitioning at this stage would be a big mistake.

Rianna, No one is telling me to transition. As a lot of posts on this thread say, everyone is different. I do have other "things" in my life that make it harder to keep taking the steps I'm taking. But as I told my councilor the other day. What about me. When can I live my life? It sounds bad and probably selfish when I say that. I've taken care of other most of my life, when is it my turn. Starting down the path transition I couldn't be more happy. But like walking down the yellow brick road, there could be things ahead that I'm not ready for or "too scared" to take on.

[samantha rogers]

The best advice I ever got was not to go any further than you absolutely have to go.
But I also read something a friend wrote that I agree with.
"Those who transition sacrifice those they love. Those who do not transition sacrifice themselves for those that they love."
Plenty of exceptions to this, of course, but also a lot of truth, I think.

[Julie77]

You know your circumstance better than I can but I'd just like to offer some reassurance that this is not a necessary outcome. I have a full-on Dad relationship with my sons. My girlfriend has maintained her Dad relationship with her daughter. We all celebrate Father's Day. We might be non-traditional Dads, but that's not a problem. When I came out the first thing I told my kids is that there is no event that can change the fact that I am and always will be their Dad. They agreed.

I believe I will still have their love and support but I also believe that the tie you have between a dad and son (or daughter) will be different. That difference could be good and new. I just think they will never see me the same way again and that could be sad. It is hard to explain and it hasn't happen since I haven't told them, but my feelings is somehow I let them down. I know this is just me and how I think. Change is good but ... I just need to turn off my brain sometimes and just take it one day at a time.

[Kate T]

Mira

I like the Social vs Physical dysphoria concept.

I've always struggled a little bit with the "I'm sacrificing my own happiness for the benefit of my loved ones" concept. Ignore the ones where you haven't even told your loved ones, that is just lying and is plain selfish, it is not self sacrificing. Assuming that your loved ones know about your GD then really, they would rather live with an unhappy person than a happy one? Not my idea of unconditional love and trust.

[Julie77]

The best advice I ever got was not to go any further than you absolutely have to go.
But I also read something a friend wrote that I agree with.
"Those who transition sacrifice those they love. Those who do not transition sacrifice themselves for those that they love."
Plenty of exceptions to this, of course, but also a lot of truth, I think.

Samantha, I love that quote, thanks for sharing it.

[Heidi Stevens]

A lot of what is being discussed is my situation as well. My wife and I have been in a very fragile relationship ever since I told her about what was making me so irritable and anxious. That was three years ago and all the facts that came out is what has made the relationship rocky. We came close to splitting, but I knew that neither of us were up for that.

So we both agreed to take small steps to keep things together. After we both got the therapy we needed, I was given a bit of leeway to find myself mentally. For this leeway, I promised her that I would present male in her world. Step by step we reached where we are now. She is still seeking therapy as she dare not discuss this with any of her friends for religious reasons. My activity is severely frowned on by her sect. But I don't mind putting up a facade for her, the last thing I want to do is hurt her by publicly transitioning. She would loose every thing in her world, besides me. So it's reached this point.
I am happy, mentally and physically. I get opportunities to express my feminine side where my wife can't be hurt by judging people. She has seen the changes in me since being on HRT. As have her relatives and friends. They say we both seem happy, and in most ways we are again.

This explains why I personally have not transitioned. Its work either way, transitioning or not, hard work to get to a place where you are happy and make those around you feel that way too. As I have said, if this doesn't work out with her, or should she pass, I have no real reason not to transition. At times I wish I was living full time, but where I am now is not bad. My mantra thru all this is a saying a professor back in college used to show how diverse things can be to obtain a goal: There is more than one road to Chicago from here.

[Julie77]

Heidi, I think we are both on that same road to Chicago.:D You're ahead of me, but we both may end up there in the long run.

[JessiFoxx]

What a fantastic thread! Love you all!! I have been on the fence with HRT, I started spiro a few months ago and have been feeling great but thinking I need more in the way of E. How ever like your quote says I have been sacrificing myself for the ones I love. I love my wife too much to risk losing her and we have a 5 y/o son who adores his daddy. It's a tuff cruel world out there.

[Michelle Fox]

I've been on HRT for five months, but my hormones have been in the female only during the last month. I've been growing my hair since I started HRT, but don't intend to socially transition. I have a wife and two teen kids and most of my friends and family are evangelical Christians who would leave me if I decided to socially transition. Quite frankly, the longer hair seems to get more attention from my family and friends, then the subtle changes to my face, it's almost to the bottom of my ears now. My wife has remarked that my face has changed, but no one else has. I and 54 and I felt the same way when I started HRT, my sense of anxiety was gone within days. It wasn't a placebo effect, since I still feel good. I do wish I could transition full-time, but I am OK with things now.

[Miss Mandy]

I have been on anti-androgens for about 10 months and hormones for about 8. I would love to live my life as a women full-time, but I have so much to lose professionally and socially. My body and face have certainly changed and I have definitely changed mentally as well, perhaps more than anything. So far, only my wife and I are aware of the changes.

I have really not had a lot of friction with my wife over this development but again, I only dress fully twice a week or so. I think I can hold this pattern at least until my children leave home, at which time, I may go further in my journey. Take away: it is possible but it is difficult...but in the end, better than nothing:)

[Julie77]

Thanks Michelle and Mandy for your stories. A lot like mine. It helps to know others out there that struggle with these type of decisions also. HRT for almost 3 months so I haven't noticed much yet.

[Allsteamedup]

Why no realism about facial changes? Apart from electrolysis or eyebrow shaping, most of the changes are very noticeable because they involve skin! Add oestrogen to your metabolism (or reduce your T-level) and your skin changes, even at an older age. You will look much younger because your skin glows, your face looses all angularity (softer nose and jaw line, fuller ears and cheeks) and pretending that nothing has changed is fooling yourself. So nobody says anything. What would you like them to say?

[Christina Kay]

Hmmmm, being married 35 yrs and trying to keep us a couple. I continue my slow baby steps forward. I'm at full transition dose. And female levels. Yes I'm in a great place mentally, but the changes are very noticeable now. Breast growth, well there's no doubt that something is going on. Facial changes also. The looks from friends ,,,,remarks. Most I think have a clue if not downright figured it out, but are being ether polite, or cautious in asking questions. My wife prefers I keep it secret. Being transgender.... But eventually I wil transition, but for the sake of love,,,,I haven't. But it gets harder the closer I get to retirement and I could be me....without work related consequences. One day at a time , one foot in front of the other, always making progress...is my mantra