Two Faced!

[Princess Chantal]

Yesterday I spent most of the evening visiting my parents and decided on my way home to stop by a Shoppers Drug Mart to pick up some make up supplies in which I was either out of or running low on. I was in full guy mode sporting facial hair growth in which hasn't been shaved since Saturday's fun dress up outing. The store was about to close, so I had just about 10 minutes to get the much needed eye liner and blush. I have been using the same eye liner brand/colour and blush since virtually the birth of my crossdressing, so I had a few minutes to spare to browse the eye shadows for something different than what I got at home. Well as I was checking out the shadows, a transgender acquaintance that tends to join me for coffee every now and then when I am in Chantal mode, approached and served up some heated criticisms towards me. Some of the comments were "what's the sense you will never look decent", "Don't flipping (the other f-word) need to apply make up in order to wank in front of the computer", "probably only have panties and pantyhose", "flipping (uh huh again) it up for us who are out"... the more she went on the more she was angered as I just stood there being quiet with a smile thru out her belittling. One of the staff was walking towards us, so I thought that I should calm the situation. So I looked at the one eye shadow in my hand and acted as if reading the name of the colour blend. "True colours.... oh hi Sandy better cool your jets". Well I guess my appearance and mannerisms could be easily changed but my voice and how I speak are very recognizable. She was shocked and embarrassed to say to the least. I just went on with my business - checking out, hopping into the car, and riding off into the moonlight (been too long past to say the sunset)
It is funny as during our chats while sipping coffee she had often expressed how "passable", feminine and how attractive I look and seeked out my advice for her self improvement.
So funny but so sad, thankfully it was to me and not to someone who it could have an effect on.
Hmmm I wonder if she would plop her butt across from me at the coffee shop now?

[Sandin Meknickers]

Thats human beings for you. Hard to love some of them. She'll probs just carry on as normal, sand in her knickers maybe?

[Karen Wilder]

Wow. You would think that our community would be supportive of all our members no matter how they present or their experience level. I am sad to think what the effect of that rant could have had on someone who just got the courage to break out of the closet. Hopefully you have taught her a lesson and she has not done this to others in the past.

[mykell]

guess she popped in to pick up some blush, really kinda sad that she was the problem that she was belittling you for.....would like to here how the next meeting goes.

[kimdl93]

I would be curious to find out what on earth prompted her peculiar behavior. We've all seen your pictures, and although the word passable is loaded, I think a fair consensus would agree that you are as passable as any of us can be, and certainly made up better than most.

If she ever does plop her butt down next to you in the coffee shop, a fair question to her might be, "what the hell was wrong with you the other night?"

[Lana Mae]

I would like to hear the reasoning for that rant! You look as good as can be and no reason for a rant! Maybe jealous? Anyway, glad it was not a more insecure girl that Sandy unleashed on! You had a good response and kept your composure! If she joins you at the coffee shop, we would like to hear about it! Thanks for sharing! Hugs Lana Mae PS: It is bad enough when muggles attack you but a sister!

[Princess Chantal]

Kim,
That is exactly the question I would ask. Personally I would never describe my crossdressing as "passable". However thanks to years on this forum, I have come to the sense that there are different definitions for the word than what I define it as.
I just hope that the incident would not get to her, in which she avoids the coffee shop. There is a group of folks in which meet there every night (I believe they do anyhoo) and makes her welcome in their social circle.

[Steph65]

People get that way some times when they do not have enough self confidence and have to direct attention away from themselves. It is a shame that some people have to act that way instead of supporting each other. We get enough negativity from the general public. I would explain this to her next time you see her. I would lay into her and tell her to stop dperessing our Gender Race and our life style. We know what the rant is all about if you read between the lines. This berating person should be told to rather make yourself look bad and others that dress to rather speak of a better view and portray yourself to make Dresser's look better.
Face it there is too much negativity towards our lifestyle and to let negativity portray it will not help people be more accepting. It is more detrimental to not just you or her but detrimental mentally. This whole outburst from this person was uncalled for because of their own insecurities and she should be told her actions gave our lifestyle total negative outlook and does not help who and what we are. She should be more supportive and she would have more friends. JMHO

Steph

[Jaylyn]

You certainly took the berating better than I probably would have. I hate jerks and I have gotten in trouble a time or two by knocking the crap out of them. ( that's my John Wayne talking) but really it's the jerks that think their way of cd is the only way. So what if all you want to wear are panties or hose. To each their own. Just because they are transgendered. Doesn't give them the right to belittle someone. I'm afraid if they had done that with me my male side would have made their top and bottom lip have a whole lot more to put lipstick on because of the swelling, and they would have to wear eye shadow as it would have been darkened already.
I think you need to get in the middle of them the next time you are at coffee or you see them. No way to act to another sister. Compassion for jerks are not in my vocabulary.... At least it sounds like he cooled off some when you said cool your jets and started reading the color blend. What he did was totally uncalled for. Sounds like they are pretty uncomfortable in their own skin.

[ClosetED]

Sorry to hear she made those comments about someone who she thought was a TG stranger. You could soften her perception of the interaction by comments like "Thank you for the compliment on how well I transform! You were unable to tell it was me!"
Hugs, Ellen

[Periwinkle]

How awful... If someone said something like that to me, they'd be out of my life sooner than I could say 'see ya'! I don't tolerate excessive negativity, and I especially dislike when people try to dump their negativity onto others.

It's one thing for a person to be feeling down, or being legitimately upset over something and wanting to talk about it. But just insulting someone out of the blue and without good reason is terrible, especially when they have your trust.

[SometimesKairi]

Wow!

Even GG don't make a huge effort every single time they go out.

[Renee Elise]

Maybe she was having an off day...definitely "not logical" as MR. Spock would say.

[JeanTG]

It sounds like she has some issues Chantal, perhaps she was projecting her own angst at not passing or being TG in an unfriendly world, on to you. You see it all the time, gay bashers who turn out to be gay, etc. She was probably having a bad day, upset about something in her life like being told she didn't pass, or just feeling the weight of the world on her shoulders for being TG.

I would let it slide... invite her out for coffee anyway, and just listen without judging. I'm sure she's just as embarrassed as you were about the incident. Here's an opportunity to take the high road and show some empathy for her anguish. Who among us has not had that moment of looking in the mirror and not being thoroughly distressed with what she sees? I know I have. Today was kind of one of those days, my makeup is an unqualified fail. I think she was having the same downer moment and projected it onto you. I just hope that when I have those blah moments I can keep it to myself! Which is easier for me since I don't know any sisters in the area and am not out, nor do I go out.

[jennifer0918]

Wow ,with acquaintances like that you don't need enemies.We are all under the transgender umbrella,and should get along.I don't claim to pass but I enjoy my CDing to the fullest and always find something new about my femme side that I like.I have a TS friend I came out to a couple months ago,and she has saw me en femme, yet she did not have a negative comment, I feel she is not too accepting of it.I'm not going to force this on her,if we could be friends cool,but if not I will always be Jennifer with or with out her.I hope I'm wrong.only time will tell.

[Sandin Meknickers]

I'm surprised that so many are surprised by this. Non white races have hated on each other as well as being collectively hated on by white races. People are individually arseholes (or disturbed) independantly of social group.

There's always one and the further you put yourself out there, the more you encounter them. Think of them as opportunities to express your better values and represent.

[paulinescotlandcd]

Really after that rant and abuse you are talking about another coffee ? She would not see me for dust and she would be blocked completely.

[Jodi]

It's always nice to know where people really stand.

jodi

[Teresa]

Chantal,
I assume your friend looks so wonderful when dressed she fools everyone ! You took it too well , that was some abuse, I would have said something in response to the vile putdown, totally unnecessary and as you say two faced. We don't need unpredictable friends like that, tell her where to go next time .

[Dana44]

Yeah when we are in male mode, hair on our face is apparent. Next time you have coffee with her. Let her know that in male mode you look that way and to never say that again. .

[Krea]

It's really sad that you received such abuse from someone you thought of as friendly, it would have been bad enough from a total stranger. The way you have refused to be drawn into an argument is impressive.
She obviously doesn't see the irony, that you must pass well as she didn't even recognise you in guy mode...

[Tracii G]

That was pretty awful of her to go off like that but I think you handled it well.
I ran into two members of my trans group that had never seen me in guy mode and when I said Hi they seemed to not know what to think.
I apologized and said its me Tracii OK I didn't mean to startle you.Once I spoke they knew who I was.
All was fine after that and we chatted over coffee for an hour or so.

[Princess Chantal]

She is an acquaintance, she and I just frequent the same coffee shop and she sometimes sits herself at my table to chat. The chats tend to sway to general small talk, like weather and clothing. I don't invite her for coffees, she usually just so happens to come by when I am sitting enjoying being crossdressed and the coffee. I wouldn't kick her away if she happens to sit down and start chatting, but I would question her intentions at the drug mart. I have no clue what her issues are and would not pry or make assumptions

[Tracii G]

Maybe best not to know what her issues are to be honest.
She may want to be your "best friend" and attach herself to you LOL

[mykell]

how differently do you think you would of handled it if it were not someone you had recognized from your social circle, myself.....not too well, most times i shop for makeup i have been in a state in which you described, slight growth ect. i never understand why some push back or claim a hierarchy of the curve.

that is worse than what i would expect from bubba shopping wit his girl at the wallymart.

[Kelly DeWinter]

I'm surprised that so many are surprised by this. Non white races have hated on each other as well as being collectively hated on by white races. People are individually arseholes (or disturbed) independantly of social group.

There's always one and the further you put yourself out there, the more you encounter them. Think of them as opportunities to express your better values and represent.

I'm not sure where race comes in on this , bad manners sure but race ???


She is an acquaintance, she and I just frequent the same coffee shop and she sometimes sits herself at my table to chat. The chats tend to sway to general small talk, like weather and clothing. I don't invite her for coffees, she usually just so happens to come by when I am sitting enjoying being crossdressed and the coffee. I wouldn't kick her away if she happens to sit down and start chatting, but I would question her intentions at the drug mart. I have no clue what her issues are and would not pry or make assumptions

People are strange at times, for someone to go from being an encourager to verbal attacks typically means something has happened in their life. a coworker recently had an epic meltdown in the office when this person usually was quite mellow and personable. What was the cause ? Who knows, sometimes people implode and lash out.

I'm more impressed with how you handled the situation Bravo !

[docrobbysherry]

All I can think of is that u handled the situation quite well, Chantal.:thumbsup:

And, a lot better than I would have!:brolleyes:

[Sandin Meknickers]

[QUOTE=Kelly DeWinter;4085407]
I'm not sure where race comes in on this , bad manners sure but race ???




Race diesn't come into it. Only to point out that having similarity has never stopped hate.

[rachael.davis]

There's an old Marine joke that ends "Well Private Pyle, every now and then you are privileged to discover who your real friends in this world are"
Write her off -

[bridget thronton]

Chancel you are one of the people here who just seems to find great joy in your creative dressing and the imaginative outings that you generously share with us. You always look nice in your pictures and seem to have many friends who enjoy these adventures with you.

[greeneyes]

What a flipping Bi- OYCH! LOL. was she drunk or under the influence of drugs? It kinda sounds like it. I am so glad that you did not let her get to you. She sounds like a very mixed up person.

[Stephanie47]

It's interesting that she would sit uninvited with you in a coffee shop when you're en femme which would suggest she recognizes you as a male under the femme appearance and then act as she did. I would not think she would just sit down with any random women and start up a conversation about the weather and clothing. Then to jump all over a male at a makeup counter would suggest some level of non acceptance or insecurity with herself. I'd venture to say she is inflicted with self hatred for who she is. Personal opinion.

[Karen Wilder]

I have a theory of what might be going on here.

She may had a negative reaction to her presentation in the recent past; she attributes the negative reaction she received to be a direct result of the public's perception of all on the TG spectrum as being "perverts", and believes that this perception is caused by cross dressers who make no effort to present en femme and who are nervous and acting awkward when shopping for women's items.

When she encountered what she took to be a crossdresser, who makes no effort to blend, out interacting with the public, you were the embodiment of her angst and validated her insecurity.

Thoughts?

Karen

[Kelly DeWinter]

So you are saying "sh*t rolls down hill" ? Then I'd climb a different hill. LOL

[Princess Chantal]

Stephanie, she didn't come sit and chat with me the first time we crossed paths. We seen each other numerous of times before. I frequented the coffee shop for well over a decade and she has probably for 3 or so years before she had. The coffee shop is located right across from the lgbt night club (which is not around any more), she had seen me with other cd friends cause we sometimes went for a coffee after the Masquerade meetings (which were being held at that old lgbt club). So there is no way someone would mistake me for a gg.
Karen, I believe your theory may be quite likely. I tend to not be nervous when shopping in either mode for femme items, I have been doing so for several years. I can't see someone thinking I was nervous that evening, I knew exactly the locations for the preferred eyeliner (Quo in sexy black) and blush (Maybelline Fit me in light rose). The store has the brands in each their own sections. I also like the Revlon eye shadows, so wasn't wandering aimlessly thru the aisles looking at what all the brands had to offer.
She may have some hatred for what she assumes to be closeted crossdressers. Therefore why I would like to ask her the what the heck with the attitude. I am one that loves the diversity of the tg community (geez even so that in my own crossdressing I like to diversify it) and hope others would respect each other no matter where they belong under the tg umbrella

[Karen Wilder]

Princess,

I was a member of Masquerade when I live in Winnipeg, in those days it was held in the basement of Lady Godiva's when it was a storefront.

Karen

[Princess Chantal]

Yes that was where it was when i first joined the group 15 years ago. The locations had moved few times since. We went from Lady Godiva basement to the club Happenings on Sherbrook, mainly due that we outgrew the little basement area (we grew to over 70 members with usually 20 - 25 people showing up per meeting). Then when Happenings closed up we were welcomed to Gio's on Smith St. (The night club I referenced being across from the street of the said coffee shop). It was actually about the time when Gio's shut down that Sandy initially sat with me for a chat. The Gio's having problems was a part of our first conversation

[S. Lisa Smith]

Chantal, You are certainly a better person than I am!! I suspect I would have called her out in the drug store. She is definitely having some problems, but she shouldn't take them out on strangers. If nothing else she should be counseled not to do things like that in public or in private for that matter.