Victoria Pink
03-05-2006, 11:00 PM
Been doing a dangerous thing.... I've been readng a book called Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerich. It has made me think about a lot of things and so I thought I'd share some of my thoughts.
First, I highly recommend this book. It can teach us a lot about our relationship with girlfriends and spouses. For one, the women want to be "loved" while the guys want "respect". Guys have to work at giving love and women have to work at showing respect and this struck me as so true.
When I read some of the threads on thie site I see that as guys we want respct from our SO's. This includes still having their respect when we share with them our desires and need to wear woman's clothes and express or let out our feminine feelings. That is very hard for many women to do because they have grown up learning to "not respect" a man who is feminine.
At the same time we could help the situation if we could learn to love our spouse the way we should, and the way they want. For example a good point was made in the book that we should not try to FIX our spouse's or gf's problems when they come to us. Instead try to be a listening ear and support them in their worries, concerns and anxieties.
BUT now, some thoughts from a cd'r....
Here we sit in "limbo"... For example as a guy I want to feel and have my wife's respect. I don't want her to put me down or belittle me. Rather I would want her to see the good in knowing "all of me" from the heart.
However, as Victoria I want to feel loved.... I want to have friends.... and that is very difficult to find from a spouse or gf.
Some cdr's have experienced their mother's love... because most times a mother's love in "unconditional". She will often times support her son as a crossdresser, even though that may be very difficult for her at first. BUt if the son opens his heart, she will usually love back.
For a gf or wife, it is different... most do not want to be married to a woman, but rather a guy. It is very hard for them to think of their guy as being a girl. Very few are able to do this, and even those that do "have their days" with it!
As a guy I have lot's of friends.... BUT, if they saw me as Victoria, that would all change.... even though I am the same person, just in different clothes. On the other hand, my 3-year old daughter saw me dressed both ways several times and she treated me no different, except to sometimes admire the feeling of the dress or blouse material...
So, as Victoria, how and when can I have friends and feel loved?
I guess that's where this forum comes in. This is where we can be who we are and find understanding and support... Here I can be who I am. Yet I still feel uncertainty at times... Is that why we often have a post that describes in detail what we are wearing? I don't think gg's feel compelled to email their friends in such detail. But rather it is to put that out there and again feel support from others that says, "very nice". Its like... hey, I'm wearing pretty panties... or look at my dress! And we get a "you go girl" back. It is reassurance...
In conclusion... to have a better relationship... men "love" your gf or wife, s the case may be.... (read the book for more on this). And if there are women out there reading this... be sure to respect your guy. (read more in the book on this) He desparately needs your respect and it will help him love you in return. This may be one of the best marriange counselling books I have seen or read.
And to all my "sisters" out there... be you a cd'r or a gg.... thank you for your friendship. Victoria has needed this from you.
Love, Victoria :)
First, I highly recommend this book. It can teach us a lot about our relationship with girlfriends and spouses. For one, the women want to be "loved" while the guys want "respect". Guys have to work at giving love and women have to work at showing respect and this struck me as so true.
When I read some of the threads on thie site I see that as guys we want respct from our SO's. This includes still having their respect when we share with them our desires and need to wear woman's clothes and express or let out our feminine feelings. That is very hard for many women to do because they have grown up learning to "not respect" a man who is feminine.
At the same time we could help the situation if we could learn to love our spouse the way we should, and the way they want. For example a good point was made in the book that we should not try to FIX our spouse's or gf's problems when they come to us. Instead try to be a listening ear and support them in their worries, concerns and anxieties.
BUT now, some thoughts from a cd'r....
Here we sit in "limbo"... For example as a guy I want to feel and have my wife's respect. I don't want her to put me down or belittle me. Rather I would want her to see the good in knowing "all of me" from the heart.
However, as Victoria I want to feel loved.... I want to have friends.... and that is very difficult to find from a spouse or gf.
Some cdr's have experienced their mother's love... because most times a mother's love in "unconditional". She will often times support her son as a crossdresser, even though that may be very difficult for her at first. BUt if the son opens his heart, she will usually love back.
For a gf or wife, it is different... most do not want to be married to a woman, but rather a guy. It is very hard for them to think of their guy as being a girl. Very few are able to do this, and even those that do "have their days" with it!
As a guy I have lot's of friends.... BUT, if they saw me as Victoria, that would all change.... even though I am the same person, just in different clothes. On the other hand, my 3-year old daughter saw me dressed both ways several times and she treated me no different, except to sometimes admire the feeling of the dress or blouse material...
So, as Victoria, how and when can I have friends and feel loved?
I guess that's where this forum comes in. This is where we can be who we are and find understanding and support... Here I can be who I am. Yet I still feel uncertainty at times... Is that why we often have a post that describes in detail what we are wearing? I don't think gg's feel compelled to email their friends in such detail. But rather it is to put that out there and again feel support from others that says, "very nice". Its like... hey, I'm wearing pretty panties... or look at my dress! And we get a "you go girl" back. It is reassurance...
In conclusion... to have a better relationship... men "love" your gf or wife, s the case may be.... (read the book for more on this). And if there are women out there reading this... be sure to respect your guy. (read more in the book on this) He desparately needs your respect and it will help him love you in return. This may be one of the best marriange counselling books I have seen or read.
And to all my "sisters" out there... be you a cd'r or a gg.... thank you for your friendship. Victoria has needed this from you.
Love, Victoria :)