Embarassed to dress around SO

[Karen Wilder]

My wife knows I CD and is supportive, but as I have gotten much older and now see a "old man" in a dress when I look in the mirror, I find I am embarrassed by how I look and do not want to dress in front of her.

I should add I had a period of not dressing for about 10 years and have recently just got back into it.

Maybe I just need to get back into the game and regain my confidence. Has anyone else experienced feelings like this?

:sad:

[LaurenDeHart]

Karen

I think you answered your own question but, yes, I've had similar feelings.

You are fortunate in that you have a supportive SO. Have you talked to your SO about it? I think you should. Maybe there's some things she think would look good on you. That's a real confidence booster for me when my SO suggests outfits.

Lauren

[Aunt Kelly]

Everyone ages, Karen. Men, women, even cross-dressers. I found myself in a situation like yours a while back and just decided to embrace it. Started dressing "age appropriate" and have never felt better about myself.

Hugs,


Kelly Marie

[Lisa Roberts]

I feel that way sometimes too. It's usually when the Pink Fog is not as thick. I find that as I age, I yearn to be pretty. I don't own anything frumpy yet, hope I never do. Oh well....I feel pretty on the inside even if I'm a middle aged man in a dress!
Lace and Smiles,
Lisa

[Stacy Darling]

I'm replying because you have referred to confidence.
I use my confidence every day and you may not be an "old man" but a mature woman,
lets go there instead!

Stacy

[AlissaMurray]

I will admit that I don't care much for who I see in the mirror either. But how I feel out ranks how I think I look. I love dressing, that is all there is to it. Weather I look good or not doesn't matter at this point in the game. I feel awesome. One day I will will look good for at least a minute or two but for now I am quite content just feeling special.

[Cheryl T]

It's scary at first. I know that I was petrified the first time, then after that I only wanted her to see me dressed fully and not the process along the way.
Now it's second nature and I don't even think about it. We dress together to go out, share clothes and makeup tips and just have fun.

Give it a chance and don't be so critical of yourself. We all tend to be our worst critics because we want to look "just so". Not everyone is a model or movie star, some of us are just average, everyday women.

[Pat]

Karen - you might want to examine your role models. If they're women who are significantly younger than you, then you're bound for disappointment. Try looking for good looking women in your age range and start trying to achieve their look. If you had been born a woman you'd be your current age now -- how would she look?

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Has anyone else experienced feelings like this?

Yes. But the feeling is as true for anybody past middle-age regardless of how they choose to dress isn't it?

Aren't you just describing how ageing sucks?

But I do sympathise- for me it's about my size rather than my facial appearance- good make up and a wig can take 30 years off you.

Well 25.

[GretchenM]

I'm 72 and it is sometimes hard to face the reality. We often try to look much younger and with some it works, but in my experience with most it doesn't. As others have suggested go with age appropriate. Careful makeup can take a few years off, but for the most part going back beyond maybe 62 comes across as fake. As Pat suggests, if your role models are young you are likely to be disappointed. And after a 10 year hiatus your self concept probably is trying to go back there and not see what was before. Time for an update?

[Giselle(Oshawa)]

even though my wife is tolerant of Giselle i still feel embarassed to dress in front of her, guess it will always be that way?

[Teresa]

Karen,
I've got 16 years on you and as long as I can put makeup on I'm not going to let age stop me, I've only just got it all together in the last year or so by going out socially so a few lines and wrinkles aren't going to stop me just yet.

I will admit I don't dress round the wife because of my DADT situation , she just thinks I will look stupid like an old grandma , I recently bought a new wig and the sales lady thought I was in my late forties, did I feel good after that comment !!

[Jaylyn]

My wife knows and doesn't really care if I dress. I sometimes underdress when I think I'm not in the fog as deep. It seems to calm the inner beast. Yes I'm now an older man and sometimes I have felt foolish still dressing and playing dress up. I definitely don't look like it did in my teens. We didn't take pictures then heck cameras were scarce then. Guess I could have carved a picture on a stone. In my fifties I started taking a few shots and actually looked fairly acceptable. My wife helped me a lot then. Now I try not to dress as much in front of her as I almost feel silly. An old, nearly 70 just looks like an old grandma. When I get a spurt of the pink though I play usually alone more. I'm not as embarrassed as thinking just an old man in a dress.

[Karen RHT]

It's just the opposite around our house. My wife doesn't like to dress in front of me, but I don't hesitate to dress as I please in front of her. She's fine with me being dressed around the house, so why would I seek privacy getting dressed? To her credit, she'll candidly tell me when she thinks something looks good on me, or when something doesn't look good on me. I'll even ask for her opinion now and then. Which blouse looks better with a certain skirt for example. She does the same with me, so why not? Funny thing though...I'll stand in front of her in my lingerie asking her opinion about the blouses, where she won't stand in front of me in her lingerie. She'll ask my opinion after she's dressed then change if need be. I certainly don't consider myself an exhibitionist, just confident and efficient. :)


Karen

[Sallee]

great thread, I know the feeling recently had a week to dress and get out and I didn't. Just had other things going on usually I can dress pretty much when ever the mood strikes and do maybe a couple of times a month. But this time no one was around the house so no one to bother me.I just couldn't get into it. Did think about it but just had other things going on. Wish I understood this thing of ours

[Charlotte Ann]

Hello,
As a wife I must chime in and say with a smile " I feel like an old lady in a dress " you are getting older and so is she :) age appropriate translated = hide the effects of gravity. Toss the mini and get buetiful. Hug

[Karen Wilder]

Hello everyone,

thank you for all for your responses. It is great to get different opinions.

Lauren asked if I talked to my wife about how I feel,

I am slowly building up to talking to her. I don't want to jump into the deep end just yet, I'm content so stroll around here in the shallow end just now.

Jennie wondered if my role models are young women,

My wife is the same age as me and she is beautiful and does not look her age, she is my role model.

Karen

[Stephanie47]

I'll be 70 this summer. I read the obituaries all the time to check for my name. It has not appeared yet. I see too many obituaries for too many folks way younger than I. My wife is not supportive. It's DADT which works well. I stay away from mirror images that are close up. Yep, I'm aging. It's a fact of life. My grandmothers lived to ages 83 and 93. My mother to 92. Great aunts to 96 and 103. They looked their ages. All I can say for myself is I try to act my age and dress appropriately. You're 50, right? That is hardly an age to start worrying about aging. Do an assessment of yourself. Is it the lines on your face? Is it your skin? Is it weight issues? Loss of hair? Somethings can be changed: weight loss, wig, hosiery for legs. Natural women do it. So can you.

[Lisa Roberts]

No kidding! I truly don't think there is an explanation. Oh well.... just go with the flow!
Lisa

[paulinescotlandcd]

Well for what it's worth i will be 60 in October and my view is all you can do is try and look your best. If it cheers you up I reckon as far as looking half decent you are probably best to be 18 to 25 or 50 to 65 +. My top tip ios not go for the mini skirt and 40 double DD look. Dress just a little older than you are in a classy way and you will get your confidence back. My favourite "elderly" CD'er on Flickr is Candy Church and she has all manner of looks and styles but she rocks the classy business lady look in my opinion. Age wise she describes herself "as old as dirt", love that saying. So take a look and think of yourself as in your prime and enjoy.

https://www.flickr.com/photos/boobs22/33324903800/in/dateposted/

[Jenn A116]

I was in a similar situation. My wife and I met later in life and I told her about Jenn once I realized just how serious the relationship was. She was great about it and often helped pick out cloths for Jenn. However, I felt odd about actually appearing dressed in front of her. It was totally me, not any adverse vibes from here. Just my personal feelings about what a guy should be in a marriage. Eventually, and this took years, I was able to overcome that and now am happy to be dressed in my wife's presence.

She will often offer suggestions about what goes with what and how to look more "natural". I tend to dress to blend-in but Jenn does have a more flamboyant side than my wife does and sometimes dresses to "young" for her age. ;)

Anyway, just wanted to offer another data point to the discussion.

[Dana44]

If she is supportive, she can help you look better. I am older and it takes longer to make myself look good. But the right foundation. brows and eyes shadow can make anyone look good. So get her to help you and don't be afraid ti dress in front of her.

[pantyhoselvr kendra]

I am fortunate to have a wife that has supported me for almost 30 years of my cross dressing. I wear only sexy clothes because i feel prettier that way. I know most don't like the word sissy but i embrace it. Tell her how you feel, you may never know how she feels otherwise

[RADER]

Karen:
I was much the same way; Only dressed in front of my wife on special occasions.
My wife would buy me things and I was afraid to try them on.
She did help me a few times to get dressed witch boosted my confidence.
Now that she passed, I dress all the time around the house. I just wish she
was here to give me advice.
Rader

[JennyLiz]

I'm in the exact same boat. When dressed by myself I'm fine, but with my wife, (Who is completely supportive), I just feel so embarrassed. I tell myself its something I do just for me, but I know that's a lie. It's the Embarrassment, I really want to share this more with her, but i'm afraid for no reason.

[Lacey CD]

I used to see an elderly psychiatrist for ADD meds. He was in his early 80's and looked at least 10 years younger. One day during a med check I asked him what his secret was. He said emphatically "no alcohol and a really good moisturizer". His words stuck with me and about 6 months later I decided to give up alcohol and started taking care of my skin. It's been almost 15 months and I'm happy to report I now like the face looking back at me in the mirror. Mind you, my drinking at the time had gotten excessive so quitting had more to do with making a healthy lifestyle choice but the toll it had taken on my looks was palpable and as it turns out, reversible!!

[Francene Lola Dupree]

I found this thread very useful, and it sparked a conversation with my SO which led to significant progress with dressing together.

I am in my early 30s and athletic, I have never had any self image issues but I had become very embarrassed to dress in front of my partner. I had never even had the courage to show her my photos.

Anyway, talking about it helped. Which led to her seeing the photos, a shopping trip, full make up and my first proper photos for 8 years.

Talking is always the best way forwards,

Much Love,
Francene

[Lacey86]

Awesome thread. My wife has seen me before and has wanted to see less and less over the years. I'm 30 and I'm just now dropping a bunch of weight I gained in college. I was super embarrassed to dress while I was chubbier as I was always super athletic when I was younger. Now wife sees me dressed less and less often due to both having kids and less time to dress and her not wanting to participate as much. I dropped 30 lbs so far and I have been feeling way cuter lately but find I'm now even more embarrassed and being in full femme in front of wife sounds scary! Funny since she has seen it before but I guess we are all self conscious to some extent?

[Barbara Black]

Same here, I don't like looking at myself much either most of the time. But it isn't all about appearance anyway. I love the feeling of being dressed, the blowing of my skirt in the wind, sun on my stockings, the click of my heels, all those sensual things.

[~Joanne~]

I have felt like this a million times over. Especially when fully dressed and she wants to take the pictures. I find it very hard to do feminine poses with her behind the camera. It's just a thing i guess cause some days I have no problem at all.

[Christina Page]

I prefer dressing around my wife. Who else will help tighten my corset and zip up my dress?
I'm starting to enjoy clothes shopping with her too.

[SunHun]

Once for almost a week I wore my SO's tops, shirts, tights and socks for the entire evenings in front of her and she was okay with it as long as it was just the two of us. I don't remember why I stopped. I think one evening the door bell rang, and I ran to the bedroom to change while she opened the door. It was a neighbor who needed help with transportation so I just put on jeans and jacket over the top and tights and drove him to where he wanted to go. That wasn't why I stopped but it was kind of funny when it happened. If I borrow a cardigan or a sweatshirt from my SO's closet, she doesn't resist but she does chuckle in finding it cute sort of way.

[Beverley Sims]

If your wife doesn't mind continue dressing and try to fine tune the bumpy parts of your appearance.

Your wife is likely to guide you anyway.

[Judy-Somthing]

I've been basically in the closet thru my marriage.

My wife has seen me dressed five times at Halloween parties where your suppose to look like a man in a dress.

The one time I tried to put some effort into my dress, hair, and makeup she didn't like it and made me mess my wig and do sloppy makeup.

I was so bummed.

[Angie G]

My dressing as I've aged never came into question. Seems the older I get the more I want to dress.:hugs:
Angie

[IleneD]

Oh how I'd delight in dressing en femme as Ilene for my wife.; the FULL effect dress up.

While she knows I CD and sees various incomplete pieces of Ilene, she's never seen me all put together. It's been about a year since I came out, and an up/down time of adjusting our relationship to deal with The News. At times she's actually purchased clothing for me (Ilene), yet other times she's been wildly freaked out about "it". Without her so much as saying so, I've found some of the limits that make her uncomfortable.

The Wife has seen me in a dress, in panties and lingerie, in leggings. She's seen my wig, the entire wardrobe. She's seen me with some make up (not a full application). But the one thing that appears to disturb her is BODY SHAPING; when I wear breast forms (and bra, she doesn't care for a bra), a corset or hip pads and re-shape my (male athletic) body into a more female shape. The clothes seem to be one thing but the actual visual transformation of my shape into that of a woman upset her.

We've talked a little about it. She wonders what is the NEED to do such a thing if it's "all about the clothes". Apparently it is not with me and Ilene. I like to think of it as helping shape and form The Dress in a proper manner, but I also enjoy the magic of the transformation.

I'm still talking to her, and want my SO to see ALL of Ilene. I keep slowly working the issue and even hoping she would help me with a make up application. I give her all love and credit. Bless her heart, she's truly trying to understand what's happened and IS happening to me. She's trying. The day will come.

[sometimes_miss]

Even for the brief time that my ex wife allowed me to dress up, I felt uncomfortable around her when 'en femme'. She came home from work one night early, and when she walked into the living room, I automatically got up, and told her to give me a few minutes, and I'd go change my clothes (implying that I would go put on my male clothing). She said I didn't have to; I replied, 'Well, I still just feel kind of silly dressed like this when you're around'. Her response? 'Well, you DO look silly. But if you want to look silly, then it's perfectly Ok with me', basically telling me that it WASN'T perfectly Ok by the tone of her voice and how she said it, but technically, she could take the high ground by sort of saying it was allowed. From then on, I always knew that she would consider me to be doing something ridiculous whenever I was crossdressed. So that did put a damper on ever feeling good when I was dressed up and she was in the house.

[LeannS]

I enjoy dressing but looking in the mirror I see a hairy mess but who am I trying to impress the cats? oh well I dress because it feels great and I am me

Leann

[Periwinkle]

Oh, man. I'm definitely embarrassed about it. My SO is alright with me crossdressing, but I really don't like to do it in front of him. I don't want him to stop seeing me as a man because I wear a skirt and a wig sometimes. It's fine when I'm with my best friend or my family, but I try to avoid doing it in front of my SO.

[SharonDenise]

I came out to my wife while we were still dating. She accepted and supported my crossdressing for the 40 years that we were married. After the kids left home, it was easier to dress but I usually only dressed up on Saturday night. I did wear nightgowns to bed, nightly. It wasn't until towards the end that I started wearing make-up and a wig in front of her. I guess I was reticent about it. She did help me pick out a gorgeous wig, the one in my picture. I would say that even though she accepted it, maybe I did have hesitations about going totally "en femme" in front of her. Or it could just have been a gradual evolution. My wife died three years ago. Since then, I've become more open with my crossdressing and joined two local crossdressing/ transgender support groups.

[michelle.foster]

I was that way for the longest while. I don't know why I felt uncomfortable is she saw me putting on my bra and panties but I was. Then I got over it. Now we live in a nude resort and I don't get to dress as often as I did. I don't know which I like more being naked or dressing up. I have had time when I HAD to dress and did, spent the day off site roaming about So Cal somewhere. Actually, I feel another NEED coming on. I guess I need to plan a day trip.

[Karen Wilder]

I'm in the exact same boat. When dressed by myself I'm fine, but with my wife, (Who is completely supportive), I just feel so embarrassed. I tell myself its something I do just for me, but I know that's a lie. It's the Embarrassment, I really want to share this more with her, but i'm afraid for no reason.

JennyLiz this is exactly the way I feel!

Hugs,

Karen

[Fiona123]

I'm embarrassed too. I am working hard to move beyond that. We are on a waiting list for couples therapy at a transgender center run by a uni in the city.

[Dana44]

I have to say that with your SO, we help each other. She has trouble with some stuff and I help her and she helps me get stuff adjusted. It is really nice to have that.

[Nikki A.]

I am a widower for about 10 yrs now so I'm going by my experiences. I told my wife that I CDed while dating, she wasn't thrilled but accepting, as she said its just clothes.
As time progressed I must admit I got more into the overall look and there was a discussion on what bothered her and we set some limits. No going out dressed (other than Halloween "my" Nikki day), and the strange thing was if I wore a bra and it gave me "breasts" even in the house she kinda freaked. Dressing when she was around was always an iffy proposition, sometimes she was OK with it and other times not. If she thought I looked too good, it threatened her womanhood, if I looked like a man in a dress she was OK with it. She's probably rolling in her grave now when I go out, cause I think I look pretty decent (not good) especially with a pushup bra and showing a little cleavage.

[sally silverfox]

Google mature crossdresers. Older girls are as attractive as mature GGs are. Dress your,age and enjoy. Conservative and well dressed is the key to being a mature,CD I believe.