Am I Gay?

[Sherry Lynn]

I have been dressing for a long time now but have seldom lusted for a man. However, I sure like being around other crossdressers. My friend says I'm gay because I know they're really guys in women's clothes and I have sex with them. I feel differently as the CDs I hookup with, I view as ladies with a little extra. What's the difference?

[SometimesKairi]

Simple.
Are you physically and mentally attracted to men?
If yes you are gay.
You say you aren't so you aren't gay.

Like me you attracted to women. Crossdressers are women when dressed up.

[Georgette_USA]

My question is "Why do you care what others think". We can be attracted to many for different reasons.

CDs are not women just because they dress up.

[sometimes_miss]

Like me you attracted to women. Crossdressers are women when dressed up.
Not exactly. If you're a male and have the desire to interact with a penis sexually (whether in reality or fantasy), whether through intercourse, oral or manually, well then I would say that you're gay or at least bi.
If the very thought of that disgusts you and/or turns you off, then you're NOT gay (or bi). I went through this very conundrum myself, when I was a teen.

[Stacy Darling]

So there is this what appears to be a very faint line which for me is yet to be "Crossed" Depends how pretty she is maybe?
That was a bit heavy for a Monday morning!

Stacy

[Pat]

Simple.
Are you physically and mentally attracted to men?
If yes you are gay.


I disagree. The reason is that the terms straight, gay, lesbian and bisexual all have what's called a cisgender encoding. That means for them to make sense, the person who is the subject of the term has to be cisgender (their gender aligns with their sex.) A man is gay if he is cisgender and attracted to other men, a woman is lesbian if she is cisgender and attracted to other women, etc. The terms fall apart when a transgender person is the subject because they are not aligned to their sex. A trans woman is a woman, so if she is attracted to another woman she would be a lesbian -- but a trans woman has male sex, so if she's attracted to a woman she'd be straight. You can't be both straight and lesbian at the same time, so a paradox occurs. Traditional sexual orientation terms don't apply to transgender people.

[DIANEF]

Are you gay? What if you are. Peoples sexual orientation can be very fluid and whatever form of attraction you have shouldn't matter. Personally putting on a dress and wig doesn't temporarily change my feelings with regards to attraction, I love women and want contact only with them. But if a 'man in a dress' is a woman to you why care what anyone else thinks.

[SometimesKairi]

I disagree. The reason is that the terms straight, gay, lesbian and bisexual all have what's called a cisgender encoding. That means for them to make sense, the person who is the subject of the term has to be cisgender (their gender aligns with their sex.) A man is gay if he is cisgender and attracted to other men, a woman is lesbian if she is cisgender and attracted to other women, etc. The terms fall apart when a transgender person is the subject because they are not aligned to their sex. A trans woman is a woman, so if she is attracted to another woman she would be a lesbian -- but a trans woman has male sex, so if she's attracted to a woman she'd be straight. You can't be both straight and lesbian at the same time, so a paradox occurs. Traditional sexual orientation terms don't apply to transgender people.

Ah my apologies.
I am still learning all this new stuff :)

[Ressie]

Well, you're not exactly straight (100% hetero). :daydreaming:

[Maria 60]

Well this is a bit of a sticky situation, I'm what I believe am hetro. There's a but coming, but when dressed and I go for a drive, I dress to draw attention from men in vans and pick ups and truckers. I'd never had any involvement of any kind with a man while dressed, but always wondered what it would feel like to have my legs felt or getting attention and being treated like a woman.
I don't know about the sex, maybe a few drinks and looking and feeling like a women!!!!! I don't know, maybe a lot of drinks, lots of drinks.Lol
I could imagine when dressed and looking and feeling like a women, one can get caught up in the fantasy.

[TrishaLake]

Lol this is always my favorite because you are going to get 1 million answers. The rainbow spectrum is huge, I strongly doubt anyone is 100% anything,,,even if I knew the spectrum I couldn't tell you where I am.

[Tracii G]

Kairi if you are new to the scene its best not to assume anything.
You may think one thing now and a year from now it could be very different.
Sherry Lynn your friend is just expressing and opinion nothing more.
Sex just to have sex seems ridiculous to me.
What do you do go to bars and pick up other CD's just to bang them? If so what does that say about you?

[jennifer0918]

This is a tricky subject,if you were in Brazil you will be considered gay.In America well its a different story,you would be bi.I agree with Pats point "traditional sexual orientation terms don't apply to transgender people"this by far nails it right on.

[biannne]

I think there should be different term to describe transgendered person attracted to other TGs.
I am like most, I am attracted to other MtF TG or CD but I do not consider myself gay.

[Micki_Finn]

Agree with Trisha. Sexuality, like gender, is more of a scale than a switch, and it sounds like you're somewhere in the vast grey area.

[Sandin Meknickers]

I think there are too many terms and labels in our community lol.

You either want the d or you don't. Just depends on how you feel about that.

[CONSUELO]

Strictly speaking, you are what you are. Don't worry about the label, just enjoy being yourself.

[XemmaX]

well my advice to you is don't worry about it. that's no one's business but your own who you find attractive or not. i mean it's all a grey area really but all i can say it sounds like you are attracted to feminity with or without a penis. but if you are having fun and feel good when you have sex with other cd's keep on doing it and **** the labels!

[LilSissyStevie]

I was watching a documentary about Thai ladyboys and this interviewer asked a guy if his attraction to ladyboys made him gay. His response was that many of the ladyboys were so pretty and feminine that he would have to be gay to NOT find them attractive. Of course, attraction to transpeople as transpeople isn't straight but it isn't really gay or bi either. The problem is attempting to stuff an infinite variety of sexual attractions into a limited number of categories. Sexologist Ray Blanchard, who loves to generate new paraphilias, calls it gynandromorphophilia. Sexologist John Money calls it gynemimetophilia. There might be a subtle difference between the terms but I'm too lazy and disinterested to look it up. For myself, I'm attracted to women but I'm also attracted to penises. I have no attraction to men or masculinity including masculine women. I have no attraction to transwomen as such. In an ideal world, women would have penises and would know how to use them. It would be something like the Japanese concept of futanaria. But futanari only exist in the same world as flying unicorns. In real life it can only be simulated. Maybe Dr. Blanchard can invent a new paraphilia that fits my particular set of sexual attractions. Futaphilia!! Believe me, I would rather be gay or straight or bisexual than whatever it is I am.

[char GG]

The difference is anatomy.

[docrobbysherry]

This one's so simple!:)

If you're attracted to female parts you're straight or bi. If you're attracted to boy parts you're gay or bi.

If you're attracted to boy parts only when dressed? U live on a river in Egypt!:D

[redtea]

It's not gay, It's Queer-though I hate that word as it was a Slur used in the 90s.

@Docrobbysherry. I always thought being gay bi or straight was mostly about emotional attraction than sexual fantasy.

[Tracii G]

Where on earth did you hear that redtea ?
Sherry is right.
Gay and queer mean the same thing essentially.

[DIANEF]

I assume your last line means 'in denial' (in the Nile) Doc? Love the outfit BTW!!

[Lacey CD]

I went through a period in my 20's where I thought I might be gay so I gave it a shot and went on a few dates. Long story short, I just couldn't stomach being in a full on relationship with a man even though I loved the sex. I also dated an older CD for a while during that time although it was more of a friendship. I needed those experiences to make a decision on how I wanted to live my life and the lifestyle I wanted to lead. I met my wife soon after that and after full disclosure and some painful break ups and make ups we took the plunge. It's been 20 years and I still struggle with bisexual desires. So what does that mean? Hell I don't know and I'm beyond trying to figure it out any more. I'm me and I'm pretty happy with who I am these days.

[LilSissyStevie]

Tracii, queer hasn't meant gay for at about 30 years. Even I know that and I practically live in a cave. You're showing your age. Nowadays the term is short for genderqueer and is used more as a gender identifier than as a sexual orientation. It just means non-binary more or less. I suppose it could also be used for sexualities that lie outside the gay/straight/bi boxes. What is bi anyway? Doesn't that just mean gay and/or straight? It's not really something on it's own. Is it?

I wonder sometimes why it is that a man can sleep with a thousand women but, if he has one fleeting homosexual thought, he is gay and "in denial" but if a gay man sleeps with a thousand men and has a fleeting heterosexual thought he's still gay... forever, his fleeting heterosexual thought being a manifestation of "denial" also. Are all the people who identify as "bi" really just gay and "in denial?" But never, of course, straight and "in denial."

[Aneline]

This is a difficult question to answer, even for this community. I am frequently attracted to crossdressers. I may at times have had some feeling towards specific men that was more than platonic but not overtly sexual. and I rarely if ever feel attracted to overtly gay men. Is there a label for a man that is attracted to men that present as women but not to men in drab?

[docrobbysherry]

Stevie, you're complicating an issue that's quite simple! Fantasies, experimentation, and how people present aside:

If u r attracted to both male and female parts, u r bi. It really is that simple!:)

(Early on in my dressing years I fantasized of being the woman with men. Thot I was suddenly gay. But, nothing about males attracts me. Eventually the fantasies vanished.)

[Jaylyn]

Sherry I'm 100% sure that I am not gay, but on the other hand there are some CDs on here that can cause an inner feeling within me that definitely stirs the insides. They look 100% like a beautiful GG and that is what the stirring is about for me. I don't consider myself gay because of it but dang some CD are better looking than most GG I've seen I think my lusting is more visual and it occurs more if they are hotly clad with their makeup perfect preferably dark red lips and smokey eyes. I see a GG like that with some giant breast and I have that same stirring, so I guess if that is the line between gay or not then we all might be a little gay. I always try to compliment something good on the posts here especially the pictures but that doesn't in my book make me gay. You look good in your avatar and we are from the same state but as I see your avatar I think of you as an CD that looks hot, I don't think that means I'm gay. You say you have sex with other CDs well you might need to reevaluate your thinking on what makes one gay. That's just me humble opinion.

[LilSissyStevie]

Stevie, you're complicating an issue that's quite simple!

Or maybe you are simplifying an issue that can be quite complicated! It's simple if you fit into one of the neat predefined categories.


Early on in my dressing years I fantasized of being the woman with men. Thot I was suddenly gay. But, nothing about males attracts me. Eventually the fantasies vanished.

Case in point. For some people the ONLY way they can achieve sexual arousal is to imagine themselves as a woman with a man. They're not really attracted to men (psuedo-androphilia) even if they have sex with them. They are aroused by the idea and image of themselves as women. It's not gay. Gay men don't imagine themselves as women when they have sex with other men. It's something else - autogynephilia. AGP can also manifest in other ways such as "male lesbian" or "bi when dressed," etc. and, well, it gets complicated.

[Georgette_USA]

It's something else - autogynephilia. AGP can also manifest in other ways such as "male lesbian" or "bi when dressed," etc. and, well, it gets complicated.


Have seen some here use the term AGP. This is a theory of a Ray Blanchard to explain heterosexual MTF TS. It has mostly been discounted, but still hangs around.

Blanchard classified four sub-types of autogynephilic sexual fantasies, but noted that "All four types of autogynephilia tend to occur in combination with other types rather than alone."

Transvestic autogynephilia: arousal to the act or fantasy of wearing typically feminine clothing
Behavioral autogynephilia: arousal to the act or fantasy of doing something regarded as feminine
Physiologic autogynephilia: arousal to fantasies of body functions specific to people regarded as female
Anatomic autogynephilia: arousal to the fantasy of having a normative woman's body, or parts of one

I guess if one wants to use that to explain these circumstances, there they are.

[Tracii G]

Stevie I'm as gay as a three dollar bill so I'm not sure where you are getting your information.
You obviously read a lot of books or read online what the so called experts say but they are just spouting off their opinions or their theories.
Kind of just regurgitating printed matter is what a lot of people do so I take all that stuff with a grain of salt.
We call each other queer frequently so its quite common.

[Steph65]

People make it too difficult on this. It is quite simple. Too many people make it over stereo typing. You are a guy. If you tried to be with another guy and did not like it you are straight. If you are a guy and like just women you are straight. If you are a guy and like just guys you are gay. Ifyou are a guy and like both men and women you are Bi. Simple. It is like trying a new food you either like it or not. Remember Clothes does not make the person at all. Clothes are clothes that is all it is. Try not to bring clothes into this. Society stereo type everything they can. They want to label it to try and understand. They want to make things difficult and too much drama into it. If you take a naked body and see what that body likes then it is quite simple. Gay straight or Bi. Clothes does not make a person.

[Sandin Meknickers]

Is it important?