A strange sense of loss

[SometimesKairi]

So, after a lovely weekend (I didn't do anything special, it was just nice) as Kairi, I am back in guy mode.
I look in the mirror and see me, a decent looking guy, yet at the same time, its not me.

I know I am well into the pink mist of dressing so my mind is all over the place but I cant help but feel there's something missing as Paul.

I have nail polish on as a man.
I had to do something. Anything that made me feel even slightly pretty.
Had a few odd looks but meh.

I feel frustrated, lost.
I kinda want to turn around, get home, get dressed as Kairi and then come back to work.

[Lana Mae]

I know how you feel! I have to work to make ends meet! Once dressed I do not want it to end! My toenails are always polished. I am a nurse with the elderly and do not wear fingernail polish so my residents do not freak out! Once home on go the panties at the least.(bend a lot at work and do not want them to show so wear men's briefs at work. It just feels better dressed even if underdresssed! Hugs Lana Mae

[Stacy Darling]

Well that is two of us, I won't be going back to work though, I'm over that!

I like your line about looking in the mirror and seeing a decent looking Guy, not something I've heard much about here!
Apparently I'm a decent looking guy and absolutely hate being so, It may annoy me as I get hit on by women when in male mode!

I think we may be in the same boat!

Stacy!

[Sandin Meknickers]

Seems to be a running Monday theme for many of us lol. I'm just i from an early start. I'd live to get something else on but I'm going to the gym soon and can't be bothered with multiple changes. After that though, it's all about me.

[Teresa]

Kairi,
That feeling hit my hard after going out to our Xmas party, I drove up on the Saturday dressed, met up with Carole found our room and dressed for the party ( the dress in my avatar ) then had some drinks after . Dressed for breakfast then drove home still dressed, that was a turning point for me , it proved I could really do it . I know I need more but going back to drab mode was tough, when I'd been out , dined and danced with a mixed group of other parties, being accepted as if I was female was so good, dancing most of the night with the wives of the guys while they propped up the bar.

[DIANEF]

I'd like to know why your time dressed passes so much quicker than time in drab. I can get 7-8 hours on a dress day, it seems to be over in a flash, but 7-8 hours at work feels like an eternity. Such is life....

[MartineCD]

Hi Kairi

I know exactly what you mean (except for the decent looking guy in the mirror bit). I had a lovely weekend dressed when I wasn't cutting the grass or mucking out the garage.

But regular life does bring you down with a bump.

Take care

Martine x

[Pat]

The day may come when you decide you can't put on the male disguise any more. ;) That's how it happened for me, anyway. Good luck.

[SometimesKairi]

Pat (aka Jennie)

I don't really know how I feel. That's what's really scaring me.
I am not repulsed by having a penis nor am I overly bothered that I do.
I feel pretty and flightly as Kairi but I feel determined and tough as Paul.

I'm probably stuck in the middle of a gender war in my own head haha

[Sandin Meknickers]

Pat (aka Jennie)

I don't really know how I feel. That's what's really scaring me. Do what you think is right and when you feel courage.
I am not repulsed by having a penis nor am I overly bothered that I do. Same, can get myself off with or without it - can't say I don't love to pleasure the GF though and I'm fixing to paint this thing in glitter this weekend.
I feel pretty and flightly as Kairi but I feel determined and tough as Paul. And these are both excellent qualities

I'm probably stuck in the middle of a gender war in my own head haha - My therapist told me to ignore words like gender etc. I'm not seeing her for this but it became topic last week. Do what you want, don't hurt anyone and **** a label. Only slightly negative thing about this place, more labels. I'll take "sparkly oaf" if it's not gone.

You seem OK to me dude(tte). Go love people.

[Pat]

I feel pretty and flightly as Kairi but I feel determined and tough as Paul.

I know many people experience their gender identities as two separate beings each with unique attributes. At one time I thought that might be true for me, but after some introspection I realized that the Jennie personality was really just what happened when I released the restrictions I had put on Patrick. I was able to consolidate into a single personality -- Pat. It might not be the same for you, but it might be interesting to figure out why Paul can't be pretty and flighty and Kairi can't be determined and tough. Just a thought. ;)

[Janine cd]

I've had the same feelings many times before. There is that depressing moment when removing anything that resembles Janine is an agony. The only thing that saves the day is the knowledge that another beautiful day is coming.

[CD Rachel]

Well, I am new here but must say, Yep, I know those feelings! Cant wait for next weekend and it is not that I dislike my job. I just want to be Rachel again.

[kimdl93]

As they say, "live in the moment". Yes, I feel a twinge of regret when I have to resume my male presentation. One can trigger depression with a procession of such negative thoughts. I know...I have.

But remember, you can manage your feelings by managing your internal narrative. Instead of writing a narrative of regret, consider reframing the thoughts in towards the positive: I really enjoyed the time I spend presenting as a woman, and I will be able to do this again soon.

The reality doesn't change, but your mind will be more at ease.

[SometimesKairi]

At one time I thought that might be true for me, but after some introspection I realized that the Jennie personality was really just what happened when I released the restrictions I had put on Patrick. I was able to consolidate into a single personality -- Pat.


That's a very interesting thought right there.
That the happiest me may be an amalgamation of Kairi and Paul.
It's something I shall consider :)

[Becky Blue]

Know that feeling oh so well Kairi, sometimes the down after is lower than the high during. It is something that I know I will never get used to.