Won't be wearing a dress

[Steph_CD_62]

As many might know my wife knows of my dressing and I can freely dress in front of her. Even though she may not fully like me dressing she supports me 100% because it is who I am.

Recently our daughter had to move back in with us with her kids. I knew my dressing would be limited and things would be tough, but I also know it is only going to be for a couple of months so I figured I would continue wearing panties 24/7 and occasionally a nightgown to bed.

Normally our daughter sleeps until 7 or 8 depending on her work schedule. My dog wanted out at about 4:30am the other day. I was wearing my nightgown so I just got up and let him go do his business outside without removing my nightgown. Since I normally get up around 5 or 5:30 I assumed I could let him out and then start getting ready for the day.

After I had gotten dressed I noticed that our daughter had been up for awhile and the kids were already stirring around downstairs. It came to me that our daughter was already up, when I was walking around the house in just my nightgown.

I had a discussion with my wife yesterday about what our daughter could have seen if she had been upstairs. Even though our daughter knows about my dressing she has never seen me. I stated to my wife what a shock that could have been for both of us. I then stated it is one thing to know about my dressing and another thing to see me dressed.

This lead to a discussion about the first time my wife had seen me dressed and how weird it was for her to see me. She agreed but also let me know that she has gotten used to see me dressed most of the time. I pushed the issue what she didn't like about my dressing, and I was pretty sure she was going to say it was my breast forms that she didn't really like....... but to my surprise she said doesn't like seeing me wearing a dress.

I asked her why it bothered her so much to see me in a dress and she said that I looked more like a woman than she did. It goes back to one time she dressed me all up and since I didn't have a dress of my own she got one of her dresses for me to wear. She said I looked better in her dress than she does. I assured her that wasn't true but there was no changing her mind.

I am tall with a slender build and she is shorter with a stocky build. I know there is no way I could ever pass as a woman and she always looks like a woman no matter what she wears but she is convinced that I look more like a woman in a dress than when she wears a dress.

I guess for awhile I won't be wearing a dress in front of her, if I ever wear a dress in front of her. I don't want to hurt my feelings but I guess after our daughter moves out I will have to find times when my wife isn't around so I can still wear a dress now and then.

I am hoping my wife will start feeling different about me wearing a dress, but I am not going to hold my breath. My marriage is more important to me than for me to wear a dress in front of my loving wife.

[SometimesKairi]

For this I have enormous respect for you!
You've seen how the land lies and you've made a decision that you think is best.
Bravo Sir/Miss, bravo :)

[LaurenDeHart]

So, the gist of your story is about not wearing a dress in front of your SO because she doesn't like it. Your also hoping that she will "come around". Do you have a plan or ideas on how maybe you can influence the outcome? Seems to me you're past the hard part in that she knows and communicates with you.

We're both happily married to a GG/SO but speaking for myself, when it comes to "girlie" she comes first. Take her shopping for a new dress or perhaps a makeover. A tangible benefit of my dressing is that my SO noticed how comfortable I am shopping with her for her. We get to spend time together doing something that we both like and we can talk fashion! Occasionally she might say "this would look good on you!" but I try to keep the focus on her during these occasions. All I am saying is give her the opportunity to be the "expert". Try to see if she wouldn't feel less reluctant by inviting her to be more participative, perhaps let her guide you.

Just an idea HappilyMarriedGuy.

Lauren

[Jaylyn]

It seems that in every situation things are different. I like Lauren's idea and it worked with my wife. I've tried not to take advantage of it though. Just be sure to insure her that she is always the first thing in your marriage and this dressing is second to her.

[Steph_CD_62]

So, the gist of your story is about not wearing a dress in front of your SO because she doesn't like it. Your also hoping that she will "come around". Do you have a plan or ideas on how maybe you can influence the outcome? Seems to me you're past the hard part in that she knows and communicates with you.

We're both happily married to a GG/SO but speaking for myself, when it comes to "girlie" she comes first. Take her shopping for a new dress or perhaps a makeover.


Lauren,

Thanks for your advice, but since my wife is more of tom-boy I know I can't get her to do a makeover. I have tried to take her shopping, but she is not a "typical" woman, she does NOT like to shop.
I really don't think I can influence her to change her opinion on me wearing a dress, but since we can communicate about anything, I will continue to talk to her about my dressing, and will occasionally bring up me wearing a dress... but again I don't want to push the issue too much.

[ReineD]

She said I looked better in her dress than she does. I assured her that wasn't true but there was no changing her mind.

I am tall with a slender build and she is shorter with a stocky build.

It's difficult for men to understand the extent to which women have been marketed to and subsequently brainwashed to feel they must conform to certain "ideals" of beauty in order to be attractive. Yes, there has been a "fat is beautiful" or "all body types are beautiful" movement in the media for some years now, but I don't think that women are buying into it, especially if their husbands crossdress, if the wife does not have a body she is happy with.

Despite the self-confidence that should come with age, many women still want to be skinny, still want good skin, still want healthy and bouncy looking hair, still feel they need to wear makeup in order to be pretty, etc. And wives of crossdressers especially want to feel as if they are "enough" for their husbands, which is difficult to accomplish when her husband strives to look like the type of woman (tall and skinny, which translates to the media's ideal of elegance) that the wife isn't. If this makes sense. If you both had the same body type, I don't think your wife would have this issue.

Honestly, the brainwashing begins when we start playing with our first Barbie dolls (Barbie is unrealistically tall for her head size and she has huge boobs, a tiny waist, blue eyes, long legs) and we are subsequently bombarded with marketing that subliminally tells us we should aspire to this ideal ... in every magazine, every clothing catalog, every ad, every commercial, every billboard, every sexy and skinny blonde news anchor on network TV, every cinema and television actress, etc, etc, etc, ... else we won't be attractive to men. There are three times the amount of women who suffer from eating disorders compared to men!

Your wife has a self-image issue. She does not like her body and she would feel bad comparing herself to anyone who is skinny and standing next to her in front of the mirror while wearing the same clothes she wears, whether this is another woman or a man dressed like one. She only sees her lack of length and waist. She does not see how inherently feminine she is compared to you.

I agree with Lauren. You wife needs to work on increasing a positive self-image. In the meantime, I don't know what to suggest if you want to wear a dress. You'll need to decide what is most important to you, the gratification of wearing a dress or placating your wife.

One last thought ... it could also be that at a subconscious level, your wife prefers to see her husband in a pair of pants. But, if she loves you and she wants to be supportive, she may want to suppress those feelings in favor of your happiness.

[Mimi]

I can also relate to the wife, as I'm on the short and stocky side, while Eryn is tall and slender. What helped me was that Eryn developed her own style and clothing choices, while I enjoyed wearing the clothes that I find most comfortable. Don't wear your wife's dresses--buy your own. Encourage her to shop for what she enjoys wearing--jeans and T shirts, running shoes, leggings and tunic tops--whatever it is that she likes, especially if it is different from what you like to wear. Stress to her that there are many garments you can't wear because you're too tall, and they look wrong on you, while they look good on her. As Reine said, women have been brainwashed since birth to look a certain way, and this is done on many fronts--store mannequins have skeletal proportions, most TV and movie actors are thin, and we are bombarded with low-calorie food options we should be selecting. "Skinny girl" is a brand I particularly dislike, as the implication is that of course we all want to be skinny.

If you are okay not dressing in front of her, then that is your business, but if going out occasionally is important to you, and you'd like to be able to show her how you look, then that will take work on both parts. She will need to understand the importance of dressing--that it is much more to you than just putting on a dress, and is a part of who you are. If it is just a matter of self-esteem on her part, then that is something for you to work on together--you reassuring her, and she being willing to learn about you, accept you, and not feel threatened.

One more suggestion--a bathrobe if you are walking around the house in a nightgown. If you enjoy sleeping in a nightgown, then that is your right.

[Steph_CD_62]

Your wife has a self-image issue. She does not like her body and she would feel bad comparing herself to anyone who is skinny and standing next to her in front of the mirror while wearing the same clothes she wears, whether this is another woman or a man dressed like one. She only sees her lack of length and waist. She does not see how inherently feminine she is compared to you.

I agree with Lauren. You wife needs to work on increasing a positive self-image. In the meantime, I don't know what to suggest if you want to wear a dress. You'll need to decide what is most important to you, the gratification of wearing a dress or placating your wife.

One last thought ... it could also be that at a subconscious level, your wife prefers to see her husband in a pair of pants. But, if she loves you and she wants to be supportive, she may want to suppress those feelings in favor of your happiness.

I am aware of my wife's self-image issues. Lately she has been making a lot of comments about how she wishes she had the body she had when she was younger. I tell her whenever she brings this up that I don't see anything wrong with her body. Yeah she has gained some weight, but so what she is still beautiful. She complains about her breasts not being firm and perky, but I see nothing wrong with them. She even stated this past weekend that her sister, niece and someone else all have had a boob job to "fix" their breasts. I try to reassure her that she is beautiful just the way she is.

She has always been a jeans and t-shirt type of woman since I have known her. She very rarely wears make-up, I probably can count the number of times she has worn make-up since we have been together (15 1/2 years) on TWO hands.

But in my position right now I will keep my 2 dresses in the closet and make my wife happy by not wearing them.

I really appreciate everyone's advice



I can also relate to the wife, as I'm on the short and stocky side, while Eryn is tall and slender. What helped me was that Eryn developed her own style and clothing choices, while I enjoyed wearing the clothes that I find most comfortable. Don't wear your wife's dresses--buy your own.
One more suggestion--a bathrobe if you are walking around the house in a nightgown. If you enjoy sleeping in a nightgown, then that is your right.

I have only worn her dress one time and that was because she wanted to dress me and I did not have my own dress at the time. When she did dress me helped me with everything from panties, bra, stockings and the dress.

When lounging around the house in my nightgown I usually wear a bathrobe, but I got so used to not having anyone else in our house but me and the wife and since the dog woke me I wasn't thinking clearly.

[Lisa85]

How about suggest a trade off: a boob job for her and some special for you

[ReineD]

I am aware of my wife's self-image issues. Lately she has been making a lot of comments about how she wishes she had the body she had when she was younger.

Me too. lol. I've gone up a few dress sizes in the last 18 months and I'm not thrilled. :p



I tell her whenever she brings this up that I don't see anything wrong with her body. Yeah she has gained some weight, but so what she is still beautiful. She complains about her breasts not being firm and perky, but I see nothing wrong with them. She even stated this past weekend that her sister, niece and someone else all have had a boob job to "fix" their breasts. I try to reassure her that she is beautiful just the way she is.

I don't know how you put it to your wife, but if you tell her what you've written here, that "there's nothing wrong" with her body or her breasts, this is not too reassuring. But, if you instead make her feel as if she is beautiful (it's more than just telling her), then you're doing the right thing.

Aging is difficult for some women. And for some men too. I must admit that I don't like the way I look in the lace dress (https://cerisefashion.com/products/adrianna-papell-womens-sleeveless-guipure-cocktail-dress-hunter-12) I just bought for my son's wedding. I've been a size 8 all my life and frankly, the dress looks entirely different in a larger size. I don't like the profile I see in the mirror. But, this does not make me feel "less than" compared to when my SO wears a dress. I still know who I am and I like being me, even if I'm not too thrilled about my weight gain.

... which brings me back to my suggestion that there might be deeper reasons why your wife does not like to see you wear dresses. Maybe she feels that dresses are too much?