Why oh why did I take so long to join this forum?

[DanielleDubois]

I have only been a member for a week after lurking for years and have to express how liberating and exhilarating it has been. I have found the forum to be helpful and supportive even when I wasn't a member but the opportunity now to communicate with other crossdressers and share common experiences has frankly been a little overwhelming (but in a good way).
The kind words about my appearance have been very affirming and certainly stroked my ego a little bit and made me more self confident about the effort I try to put into my transformation. I promise shortly to post some of my favourite Danielle images in the photo gallery.

In summary, I don't know what I was afraid of about joining the forum, everything has been incredibly positive so far.

However...Now to the big question. Part of the growth of my crossdressing relationship with my wife was to be honest and open with her about all aspects of my crossdressing. Do I know tell her about the forum or keep it a secret?

[jennifer0918]

Tell her and welcome to the forum

[Paige Dehart]

Tell her about the forum she might like to join. There is a section for GG's . She could gain a great deal of insight as well as support here.

[sweetdreams]

This is a pretty safe place to be yourself. Not much to fear.

My wife is pretty sensitive about taking sweetdreams out in public (afraid of exposure). She's never mentioned any concern over this site. I have told her about the sections for SOs of crossdressers. She hasn't taken advantage yet. Hasn't felt the need, but these sections do add credibility to the overall site and forums.

Tell your wife? Do what your feel is right. Go with your instinct.

[audreyinalbany]

I don't understand the dilemma...if indeed you are "open and honest about all aspects of ...crossdressing, why would you even be asking the question?

[kimdl93]

Tell her. She may find it helpful to participate or at least follow it. You needn't mention lurking for years...just let her know you've found a good resources that she might find valuable as well.

[DanielleDubois]

I think I knew the answer to this question before I asked it. Could take a couple of glasses of wine but at this point I would feel guilty if I don't tell her. I dealt with the guilt and shame when I was closeted and a major part of being honest with her was to eliminate the stress of hiding everything. Thanks for the advice.

[Lana Mae]

Yes, tell her as she may enjoy the fact that there are others here in the same situation(s) and they can share knowledge and experiences! Best wishes Hugs Lana Mae

[Tama]

My wife loves to join in here...every night one of the 1st questions from Her is "How the girls doing today''? She even admires one or two people here, as a matter of fact! Great place this

[Nic J]

Hi Danielle,
I would say certainly tell your wife about this group. It is best to continue being open and honest with her. I talked to my wife about joining this group after i came out to her.
Also there are sections of this site which your wife may find helpful or reassuring.
Best wishes, Nic

[ClosetED]

Fear of being outed leads to many just lurking. But sharing your hopes and fears with others here makes life so much better. You wife has hopes and fears as well, so sharing here will help her as well. The FAB section is available to her. So don't keep it a secret. My wife was DADT for 6 years and I told her right away I was posting here. She expected the police to arrest me for what I was doing. So after many years of posting pictures and thoughts, nothing has come of it, so she seems to have realized that. Most likely you can't be recognized in drab from your avatar, so not likely to be an issue for you either.
Welcome to membership!
Hugs, Ellen

[Allisa]

Please tell her as this forum is very informative and a part of your CDing growth. This site has helped me grow in ways I never thought would happen and I believe may defuse any misconceptions about CDing and show there are numbers (who knows how many?) of us out there. Welcome and waiting for those lovely photos when your ready.

[BrendaPDX]

Tell her, this is a great site, generally positive and seldom condescending. I love it here:) Brenda

[Dana44]

Yes tell her My SO is o here but she doesnt post that much and I show her something that i think is relevant.

[sometimes_miss]

It's a calculated risk. You're already up to your neck in crossdressing; it's affected you either consciously or subconsciously for a long time. But it's probably new to your wife, so jumping into it and thinking about it all the time might be a little upsetting; it can somehow make being a crossdresser the main thing about you. And I cannot know whether it is; but for me, well, there are so many things that are more important about me than the fact that I feel better when dressed as a girl. Yet, once 'out', being a crossdresser will usually become the primary thing that most will think of when they think of us. Perhaps they won't dwell on it for long, but gender is the primary thing we associate with people we know, and THEN decide on what we wish to tell them/do with them.

[Sometimes Steffi]

Don't tell her.

I am free to say things here that I wouldn't say to my wife, at least right away.

There is a long thread started by Ilene about whether she should tell her wife that maybe her feelings have gone a little further than she expected. If her wife was reading her comments, Ilene couldn't have that discussion here, except through PMs.


As for not joining, I don't get it. It's like taking a class, but you can't ask any questions. I think it's easy enough to be anonymous here, if that's what you want. I hope the other lurkers read your post.